Saturday, August 24, 2002
To Renji's eyes Hisagi looked halfway dead. The 9th Division co-fukutaichō was slumped in one of the chairs in front of Ukitake's desk. Byakuya stood beside Ukitake, passively considering the production sample of the Seireitei Communication's special issue. Renji himself was off to one side of his own taichō. They'd been invited to examine it by Ukitake and Byakuya had accepted on both their behalves. Renji had already basically seen it but played along anyway.
It was thinner than usual and the price was more reasonable than the prior year's summer special. The cover was an image of Rukia singing, with insets of everyone else. The first page listed showings of the footage—the Shinigami Women's Association had outfitted the 4th Division's rarely used training grounds for the event—starting later on Sunday and continuing for a week thereafter in the evenings. The interior had been greatly embellished upon since Renji had last seen it with graphics but it was the same in terms of content.
There was an introduction written by Hisagi himself which expounded upon why he felt the event was newsworthy. There was a historical overview of why it was relevant that briefly recounted the roles of the people involved in a single space, covering the invasion of Soul Society, the war, and the recent search mission to find Ichigo. There was a separate historical overview that briefly discussed music in the Living World. There were a spread of opinion pieces including ones from Rose, Unohana, and Matsumoto that focused on things such as the need for artistic expression, the importance of sharing experiences to maintain one's psychological well-being, and on the power of communication and friendship. There followed Hisagi's interview with Renji and the biographical and program guide sections. A few pertinent past articles that had been run in the magazine before were reprinted in the back.
It was focused and never once mentioned the relationship between Ichigo and Rukia directly. In Renji's estimation it was unlikely to result in any of their imminent demises, his mockery of Hisagi earlier in the week notwithstanding. He felt it was slick, polished, and pretty good considering the time frame in which it'd been produced.
Ukitake took his time reading through the articles and studying the various pictures that had been used. Byakuya seemed to do likewise and neither betrayed any hint of what they might be thinking. The room was quiet enough to hear a pin drop as they went, although there was no great atmosphere to be noted except one of imminent judgment. Byakuya lost interest at the start of the biographical and lyrical section while Ukitake lost interest afterwards, only glancing at the reprints in passing. The latter closed the magazine and laid it flat, considering the cover for awhile. "I'm sure the Shinigami Women's Association has a backup plan if this doesn't go forward?"
"I wouldn't know," Hisagi replied. It was truthful and he was too tired to lie at any rate.
Ukitake glanced to Byakuya, who met the look without a reaction; it seemed rather clear he had no objections, so it was his decision. He took in a breath and slid the magazine back across the desk to Hisagi. "Alright," he said, exhaling. There would be gossip but it would come from the footage, not the magazine, and if Byakuya wasn't objecting then he hardly could either.
The editor-in-chief stood, bowed, and took it before leaving.
Byakuya spent a moment in contemplation and departed.
Renji followed.
Ukitake was left alone with his thoughts.
Ichigo woke up slowly just before noon, aware of Rukia's presence long before he was cognizant of anything else. He'd turned onto one side. She had her head pressed against his chest and her arms around him a bit awkwardly due to how she'd joined him after he'd fallen asleep. She was breathing softly. When he opened his eyes to look down at her he could feel his own pulse start to speed up as he recalled his thoughts before he'd fallen asleep. He slowly shifted his grasp on her and gently pulled her closer.
He spent what seemed like a small eternity just holding her, lost in the past. He'd given some thought as to how it'd all happened. It was true that their first night together had been dramatic and had established a deep bond of trust between them, but it'd taken time for them to really realize it. It was when she was taken to Soul Society that he'd really begun to fully appreciate her because he felt he could've lost her. She wasn't like anybody else—he'd known that for over a year and increasingly so as time had passed, except when he'd had to put her out of mind to try and preserve himself. What he felt for her wasn't what he felt for anybody else. How he was with her was the same. He'd fight anyone for his friends, but for her, he'd . . .
He'd been able to tell Inoue he loved her like a sister without any great impediment. Why was it so hard to tell Rukia that he just plain . . . it was hard to even form the words in his mind! Was that why she'd been so embarrassed by how everyone was treating them? Was it just like that for her too? How could everyone, even his dad, see it so easily when they had a hard time even saying such things to one another? He threw the questions away, knowing he wouldn't get answers. He was trying to meditate on it rather than think about it when he heard her.
"If you pull me any closer I'm going to bruise, Ichigo," she said quietly.
He abruptly eased his grip, not realizing he'd been holding her so tightly or that he'd woken her by doing it. "S—Sorry," he managed to get out. Rukia moved and suddenly her face was in view, ultramarine eyes seeming to sparkle at him as a coy smile played on her lips.
"I'm not a stuffed animal you know," she taunted, only to stop as she saw what was in his gaze. His eyes had a quality that seemed to be a mixture of the intense burning look and the highly focused glow she'd seen in him lately. She'd never seen both at once. They widened the moment he saw her and she could feel his heart start to race. It gave her pause and made her concerned. "Ichigo?"
"Hey," he replied, smiling a bit awkwardly. It was too quick.
"Are you okay?" she asked, narrowing her eyes a bit in suspicion. He was definitely behaving unusually, even for lately.
"Yeah," he continued.
"What's wrong?" she demanded quietly.
"Nothing's wrong," he said, looking away.
Rukia lifted an eyebrow slightly before peering at him with half-lidded eyes. She slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, pulling at him to get him to do the same. When he did she grasped him by his upper arms and commanded "Talk. Did you have a nightmare or something?" She hadn't yet seen him troubled by them like she was, but given all he'd endured it wouldn't be surprising.
Ichigo looked back to her with that odd mixture of expressions, very clearly weighing whether to do something.
It was like she was under an intense light when he looked at her like that, although it wasn't harsh. She knew instinctively then that it was about her. Once that connection was made everything else hit her all at once.
"I have to tell you something," he said seriously, not looking away.
She could feel her own eyes widening and shut them, leaning forward suddenly to bring her forehead to his. "No, you don't," she whispered. He didn't have to push himself like that for her. She knew. He knew she knew. It wasn't important to have to say it if they both knew . . .
"Yes, I do, Rukia . . ." he whispered back.
"Ichigo . . . !" she protested quietly.
"I can't let you leave without telling you," he replied.
"It was your idea I do that and you know I'll be back, fool, tell me then!" she said a little harshly, gripping at him. It wasn't fair to tell someone something like that when they were going to be leaving!
"I know it's not fair," he said as if he could read her thoughts, "but we both know it and we're both going to be thinking about it the whole time either way! Isn't it better to have done something?"
She suddenly remembered when she'd asked him if he liked her. Hadn't she used the same argument to convince herself then? Wasn't this supposed to be about giving them space to sort themselves out? But then didn't this also hijack that? Or if they both knew was it just giving them a head start? He pulled his head back and she hesitantly opened her eyes to look at him again.
Ichigo gave her a look that was solemn but neither sad nor severe before closing his eyes again, and she watched as his countenance and body language changed. It was like he was lowering every single defense he had against the world one by one, leaving himself totally exposed. He looked relaxed and even his face was perfectly pacific, as if he was asleep. It seemed to take both an age and no time at all. When at last he opened his eyes it was the softest and most vulnerable she'd ever seen in him. He said nothing and watched her, waiting.
Rukia stared openly. She had to fight hard not to hug him—his look compelled her to move to protect him. Why is he doing it like this!? She'd imagined he would eventually do something cheesy or thoughtless, like spring it on her during a fight or pin her down and declare it like it was an inescapable fact of the world that she would have to just accept. She'd reconciled herself to that. To do it like this was . . . was . . .
She suddenly realized that he wasn't moving in the slightest and something behind him had changed. Her gaze slid over to the discrepancy and focused to find Shirayuki and her eyes widened immensely. Her zanpakutō's spirit was considering her coolly. She found she couldn't say anything—it was like her body just wouldn't respond.
Shirayuki slowly walked up to the bed, standing behind Ichigo. "Do you want to protect him or accept him?"
Rukia's pupils contracted at the choice.
"You instinctively want to protect him. That is why he is leaving himself totally open to you. He wants to show you that you don't have to protect him from yourself. He wants to show you that he trusts you with anything and everything. He is defenseless to you, because he wants you to be defenseless to him. So now you have to choose whether to protect him or accept him . . . and in so doing, whether to protect or accept yourself," she continued. Her tone was cold.
Rukia just stared. It was the first time she could ever remember Shirayuki not readily invoking her name and being so distant and frigid.
"I am here to protect you, so in many ways this is precisely antithetical to my purpose and existence. But at the same time, neither you nor I can protect anything if you remain divided against yourself. Choose!" the zanpakutō spirit commanded.
"I love him," the petite Shinigami whispered after some time, just barely loud enough to be heard even if her lips had been by one's ear.
"I cannot hear you," Shirayuki replied.
"It's not enough to either just protect or accept him! I love him!" Rukia shouted with a sudden intensity in her eyes.
The zanpakutō spirit continued to stare at her indifferently before giving the thinnest of smiles and quietly saying "Then let me go for a time and tell him, Rukia-dono."
Rukia's eyes snapped back to Ichigo and suddenly things were in motion again. Shirayuki was gone.
From his perspective her pupils seemed to have just abruptly contracted and then dilated again and he watched her eyes soften immensely before she closed them, becoming still and relaxed. When at last she opened them again it was like he was staring into the sky at twilight and he could barely stop from completely losing himself in the face of it. They stared at one another for a long time before he extended a hand to one of her cheeks.
She brought a hand of her own up and onto the back of his, before reaching out the other and touching him likewise.
Ichigo held it to his face like she was doing and brushed his cheek against it. "Rukia . . . I love you. I've loved you for a long time now—"
Rukia leaned forward slowly, once more bringing their foreheads together and cutting him off. "I love you, Ichigo," she said quietly, rubbing her cheek against his hand before turning her head, kissing him.
He took his hand off hers, bringing it around her back and up into her hair, kissing her tenderly and pulling her to him.
She brought her other hand onto his other cheek, holding the kiss without intensifying it for as long as she possibly could before she tilted her head away and sank down against him, moving her hands onto his shoulders. She was once more with him as she had been at Tokyo Tower—that felt the most right. Her heart was racing.
He held her head securely over his heart, feeling her hot breath through his shirt, and pulled his other hand away from her cheek, sliding it around her waist. He hugged her tightly and brought his face down into her hair. His pulse was hammering.
Rukia let everything but her grip go limp at the feeling of his breath in her hair, entirely leaning against him.
Ichigo leaned toward her to keep them upright.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours, keeping their hearts open to one another while saying and doing nothing. Each basked in the other's strength and vulnerability, starting to learn to trust each other as they had with their lives, memories, minds, bodies, and souls.
Much later Rukia's fingers dug into his shoulders slightly as she whispered "Ichigo, I'm hungry."
Ichigo's immediate thought was that it was cute. His natural reaction was to lightly mock her for ruining the moment as she sometimes did to him, though he knew it had already gone on as long as it needed to. Before he could do so his stomach growled in sympathy. Silence passed between them before she started to laugh at him; it was a wonderful sound that abruptly stopped when hers did the same. He sighed and withdrew his arm from her waist, sliding a hand under her thighs and picking her up by cradling her against him before getting off the bed.
"I can walk, you know!" she protested as she got her legs around his torso.
"So do you wanna walk or not?" he asked dryly.
"Hmph! You can carry me now, jerk! Otherwise I'll take this as you just trying to touch my butt!" she threatened.
"Bitch," he muttered, although there was no insult in the way it was delivered.
"Brat," she shot back affectionately.
Ichigo shifted her up a bit so that her chin was on his shoulder and one of her cheeks was to his before moving his hand so it did actually rest just below her rear, although he didn't do anything else. "Ingrate," he said quietly.
"Fool," Rukia said in a hushed tone, her cheeks turning a little red as she tightened her arms securely around his neck.
"Let's see if Yuzu left anything pre-made for us. If not I'll make something for you, midget," he whispered with mock irritation.
"Fine, strawberry," she hissed back theatrically.
He carried her downstairs to the kitchen, removing the hand he still had in her hair to open the fridge and the freezer. Yuzu hadn't left them anything. He closed both and turned, leaning back against the fridge to make it easier to support Rukia. She was relatively light and securely to him, but if he didn't have to carry her fully he saw no need to do so—it'd let him keep doing it longer. "So what do you want to eat, Kuchiki-dono?"
She pondered it for awhile before the doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts.
"Who could that be?" Ichigo wondered, pushing off the fridge and heading toward the entryway.
"I—Idiot, don't answer the door while carrying me like this!" Rukia admonished. She discerned he was going to do it anyway and freed herself from around him, landing on her feet. The motion brought Ichigo's hand onto her butt and she blushed before slapping his arm away and kicking him in the shin, retreating to the kitchen in a huff to look over what they had.
Although he was a bit red himself, he was about to criticize her token abuse when the doorbell rang again. "Yeah, yeah, working on it," he called, deciding to leave her be and going to answer it. When he at last got it open he found Yuzu and Karin. They were both carrying a few sealed plastic containers; it was clear the former had anticipated their current dilemma and was bringing them food. "Hey! Sorry, I didn't know you were coming over," he said, stepping aside to let them in.
The sisters shared a brief glance at their brother's disposition before Yuzu said "I thought you and Rukia-nē would get hungry and knew you hadn't gone shopping yet, so I brought some lunch and dinner, onii-chan!" while walking in and taking off her shoes.
Karin did the same, and asked "Did you just wake up?" as she followed her sister into the kitchen.
Ichigo shut the door, calling after her "I just haven't gotten dressed."
Karin's "Wonder why," was directed as much at Rukia in the kitchen as it was at him.
Yuzu shot her sister a glance before smiling at Rukia. "Nē-san, can we stay for lunch?"
"Of course you can," Rukia said with a smile, hoping her cheeks weren't still red. From the look Karin was giving her she thought they might be.
Ichigo exhaled happily as he sat back. Yuzu had brought them a selection of various fish and vegetables she'd fried up as tempura before coming over, as well as a large helping of the beef stew portion of Hayashi rice for dinner.
Rukia finished munching on one of the last pieces of tempura and asked "Yuzu-chan, you haven't been in the kitchen all morning doing this for us, have you?"
"It's not a big deal," Yuzu replied demurely with a smile. She didn't think of it in such a way, but making them feel at home was her role and how she could best help them.
"So, you guys are going shopping for food, right?" Karin asked with her eyes a bit narrowed, making it clear it was something more than a suggestion.
The couple shared a glance before Ichigo replied "We'll do that when Rukia comes back, it's no good to just leave things in the fridge for most of the week."
"Then what will you eat, onii-chan?" Yuzu asked with concern.
"I'll just stay over and have meals with you guys and sleep on the couch or something. It's fine, don't worry about it," Ichigo said dismissively.
That he was so casually choosing to impose on them when he had a new house to himself wasn't something either of his sisters or Rukia remarked on. All three understood that he would accept a severe if temporary downgrade in accommodations to not be in the house alone and around family instead, and approved of the choice. They all smiled a little and chose to say no more on the subject.
"So what are your plans for the rest of the day?" Karin asked, changing the topic. It was by then mid-afternoon.
"We didn't really have any," Rukia replied. She was fine with that.
The dark-haired sister glanced between her brother and his girlfriend in evaluation before standing, pulling Yuzu up with her and starting to head for the door as she declared "Bring the containers back with you tomorrow, Ichi-nii. There's a lot of cleanup to be done because of you!" She knew something was going on, if not what, and discerned they needed the place to themselves. They'd have plenty of time with Ichigo over the next few days.
Yuzu protested at how abrupt their departure was as she was dragged off, but Karin wouldn't be persuaded. They were soon both out the door, it locking itself behind them.
Ichigo and Rukia were left looking at one another with mild surprise before he smiled and started collecting all the dishes, going to clean them off along with the containers the tempura had been in. It was as he was finishing up at the sink that he felt her arms around his waist.
"We were in the middle of something," she said quietly.
He finished drying off his hands and slowly turned to face her, leaning back against the counter as he brought his arms around her shoulders. "Want me to carry you back up?"
All she said was "Hmph," even as she stood on her tiptoes to make it easier for him to lift her.
They curled up with one another in the middle of her bed. Ichigo felt he had to get something else out of the way first. "During the war, dad tried to tell me a few things and I told him to tell them to me later when he felt it was right." He didn't feel the need to tell Rukia he'd used her words when he'd done it. "We talked about it again yesterday and he said he would tell me what he could, but only when you could hear it too."
She looked up at him in mild confusion, letting her expression ask why for her.
"He told me 'Now it's not just about you, but Rukia-chan too', so he feels you have a right to know," Ichigo explained.
Rukia stared for a moment before looking down. She quietly wondered if it had to do with the Hollow. She put it out of mind, although she felt more respect for Isshin. The matter could wait a few more days.
They held each other silently for awhile, gradually growing comfortable and opening themselves up to one another again, occasionally starting to confess small things to one another, sometimes about the other, sometimes about themselves. They alternated it with idling together and even briefly napped, just sharing space and time. Rukia absolved Ichigo of his promise to give the next Friday over to her, as it was what she'd wanted then and more. He resolved he'd take her out instead. They kept close for the entire afternoon and evening before going to fix the dinner Yuzu had brought them.
After dinner they gravitated to the living room to explore the electronics that had been left for their entertainment. Surveying the titles and consoles, Ichigo challenged Rukia to a round of Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec, figuring if there was one thing she would struggle with it would be a game with realistic driving physics.
It took her longer than normal to get used to it as she knew nothing about driving or racing, but after warming up it became a rather hard-fought competition. He barely came out ahead and she challenged him to a rematch. They started to work through the library, occasionally fighting with one another on the couch at the results only to draw close again and resume the struggle in a new game. It was after a particularly vicious battle in Armored Core 2 that he carefully set the controller down and started to tickle her, having had a long time to learn her weak points.
She let out a squeal of surprise and laughed, trying to hit him with the controller as she called "Fool, don't tickle me just because you're a sore loser!" He managed to disarm her before she did any real damage to him or the controller and so she fought back by tickling him instead.
They laughed and grappled with one another for quite awhile before he managed to pin her down with her hands to her sides, held there by his legs. He had his hands on her shoulders and was leaning over her.
She glared at him with a pouting expression, before looking to one side. "You're a dirty cheater, Ichigo," she accused.
"You knew that already," he said, putting more weight on her as she continued to try and free herself.
Her eyes slid back over to meet his, half-lidded. "So you've caught me, hero of Soul Society, what now?" Rukia said in mock anger.
"You're noisy," Ichigo replied, leaning down and kissing her.
She joined in wholeheartedly, her hands gripping at the back of his thighs before sliding up to his rear to embarrass him for what he'd done earlier. He shifted and she felt him blush. He made the kiss passionate in retaliation. After a long moment he ended it, kissing his way down her neck and pressing his face there as he released her arms and slid his lower body down off her, breaking her grip. She let out a breath, putting her arms around him. Part of her didn't want him to stop, or to stop herself, but she knew they should and understood. They stayed together for some time again, his hands lightly massaging her sides and hers doing the same to his neck.
"We should get ready for bed; you should be rested for tomorrow," he said after awhile, pushing himself up away from her.
She sat up beside him and flicked one of his ears, saying "Shower on your own, fool," before getting up and padding upstairs.
He watched her go with a small smile, turning everything off and dealing with the dishes before going to do just that.
Rukia found him in the lounging area with her throw blanket neatly folded up and made her way to him, extending a hand in invitation.
Ichigo took it and let her lead him to her bed. They settled in together, but only loosely so, both having wordlessly decided to try and make their separation from one another gradual rather than abrupt. It took them awhile to fall asleep but when they did they fell into a deep and dreamless state with one another.
A/N: Shirayuki is doing something similar to what happened when Ichigo fought Kenpachi; it was later stated this was a Quincy ability in Chapter 542, but I'm deciding that it wasn't since there's no particular reason to accept that. (What the Quincy do in the Thousand-Year Blood War arc seems very different.)