Warnings- mentions of past self-harm and depression

"Why do you keep doing that?" Sans asked casually. You were walking through the local park, enjoying the first warm day of the year. He had caught you snapping what looked to be a regular old rubber band against your wrist. If he was being honest, he noticed you doing that long ago, back when you first fell down to his world.

It wasn't until everyone made it to the surface that Papyrus brought it to his attention.

"Brother, why does the human keep doing that thing with their wrist?" He asked. Sans honestly didn't have an answer, so he told his brother that he would ask next time he noticed you doing it. That was three weeks ago.

"Doing what Sans?" You asked, letting your hand dangle at your sides.

"That thing with the rubber band." He said, lazily gesturing towards your hand. You felt your face pale a little but decided you were healthy enough – mentally – to explain. At least to Sans, who was one of your closest friends.

"I used to… do bad things to myself. I would scratch my arms and cut my legs and purposely bruise myself. I would do this because sometimes I felt like I deserved it, and sometimes I did it because my chest felt tight, and hurting myself made the pressure go away." You continued walking down the path, heading towards an open bench.

"I was… found out, sent to the hospital for a while. They taught me different coping methods. Told me to use ice, markers, rubber bands. None of them really worked for me. A week after I got out of the hospital I relapsed, the guilt of making my parents pay the hospital bill made me think that maybe… I should just go away.

"I felt even worse after, but I didn't tell anyone. Instead, I started using the rubber band thing. When I snap it, it snaps me out of whatever I'm thinking. So if I start thinking bad things, I just snap the band and it'll distract me so I don't actually do anything bad." You finally finished, feeling your heart beat in your ears from talking about something you kept hidden for months.

Sans didn't say anything at first, and you thought you had scared him. You were worried he was going to just walk away and never talk to you again… never want to be around you anymore… never want to be your friend-

You snapped the rubber band again. The rubber stung your skin, the already red and irritated flesh burning even more under the strike. The sudden pain reminded you to breathe, reminded you to think logically.

Sans would never leave you. Snap. Sans could never hate you. Snap. Maybe this isn't the healthiest coping method.

"Kid… Why didn't you tell me before?" Sans asked. He didn't sound mad, like you were afraid of. He sounded… tired.

"I was afraid of what you would think. That's why I haven't told anyone other than my parents and the doctors." You responded quietly.

"Well... Would it make you feel better if I told you one of my secrets?" He asked.

"Only if you're comfortable telling me." You said. In reality, you desperately wanted him to tell you something, something that would make you feel more normal.

"Back in the Underground, minor depression was more common than sleep deprivation. It was easier to find a human than a monster without some form of mental illness. This day will literally be burned into the backs of my nonexistent eyelids for the rest of my life.

"I heard this weird hissing noise when I was walking through Waterfall. Now, I walked through Waterfall every day and I never heard a noise like this before." Sans had sat down on the bench, his grin sad instead of lazy. You sat down next to him, not saying anything yet. "I followed the noise and I saw a figure standing near one of the big water falls.

"It didn't look like they were going to jump, which was my first fear. Then I noticed the smoke that was surrounding them. That's when I realized who it was. It was Grillby. He was standing there, letting the drops from the waterfall hit his bare chest.

"He was almost completely out by the time I found him. His whole body looked like day old coals, black with red glowing underneath. It was terrifying… Better believe I tackled him away from that damned waterfall. Teleported right to his house, practically threw him into the fireplace.

"When he got back to his normal self, he explained why he was doing that. He was feeling guilty about what had happened in the war. Grillby was one of the monster generals, and after was given the medal of bravery. The guilt of killing all those humans weighed on his conscious… so much so that it ruined his marriage. His wife had taken their young daughter and moved to Hotlands. He was broken. If I hadn't walked through Waterfall that day, Grillby would have been dead…

"I know this isn't the same as what you're going through, but I do know how much pain someone has to be in to even consider suicide. Even the thought of you going through that makes my soul break." Sans finished, sighing heavily.

"Thank you…" Was all you could think to say. Sans looked over at you, slightly confused.

"For what?" He asked.

"For understanding… and for not thinking any differently of me." You said, your voice trembling a little. He saw you on the edge of a breakdown and reached over to your wrist, snapping the rubber band for you.

The sudden pain – not nearly as painful as when you did it yourself – you snapped out of your thoughts. You glanced up at him and smile weakly.

"Listen kid. If you ever need to talk again. I'm here for you. I have years' worth of stories to tell you." He smiled warmly, standing and holding a hand out for you.

You took it, returning his smile. His grip irritated the redness around your wrist, making you flinch. He frowned slightly but didn't completely frown.

"And that's going to be the first thing we work on, alright?"

Here's a really short chapter. I'm still working on the really long one that I mentioned on the tumblr. It's starting to… drag on a little? I'll see if it's good enough to post when it's all written out. I just needed a change of scenery.

Until next time!

~Starlight