A/N: Thank you, as always, for all your amazing support! I can't believe you've read this far. HOLY SHIT.
I'd like to give shout-outs to two amazing artists for their lovely renditions of HCT art!
aileine made a hilarious 2-panel comic inspired by chapter 35. I'm still laughing, lol.
elisacosplay made a touching picture of Erwin & Levi embracing in the carriage in chapter 36.
Thank you both for your amazing art! They're both on my tumblr under the amazing gifts from amazing people tag.
Previous chapter: Sahlo is dead, and some shifty folks were involved, but Leona is still on Erwin's side. Erwin proposes a push for Wall Maria. Levi and Erwin cope with unresolved sexual tension. Lots and lots of it.
-37-
Change
Erwin read Levi's assignments aloud over breakfast. They sat at the table in the hotel room, sharing a loaf of bread with honey and a fresh pot of tea. It wasn't unusual for them to share a meal together - even since their separation, they had continued to take their lunches and dinners together, often just the two of them. But something was different. Maybe it was the way Levi looked at him with focus instead of his usual indifference. Maybe it was just the knowledge that they had spent the night as intertwined as they had in the days when they had been lovers. The wall between them had crumbled, and now they stood on either side, trying to decide if they should cross the line where the barrier had stood.
Once he had finished the list, he sipped at his tea and grimaced; it was cold. Levi swallowed a mouthful of bread, then spoke.
"You're going to be okay here?"
"I'll be fine." He was staying behind in Mitras for a few days. The primary objective was to sort out Sahlo's inheritance, but he had also been summoned for questioning about his death by the MP. He wondered if the tall man's threat would come into play. Was pushing for Wall Maria considered "out of line?"
While Erwin would still be in charge of refining their strategy for the final checkpoint mission, Levi and Mike would be handling the bulk of the planning back in Trost, sorting out squad assignments and resources. The bulk of Erwin's focus would be shifting a few weeks ahead to the reclamation effort. Their timeline was tight, and he wanted to have everything ready early so he could revise it as much as possible. It would be humanity's most ambitious push to date. He wasn't going to fail.
Once they had finished breakfast, Levi gathered the last of his things. They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment. A taste rose in Erwin's memory: Levi's mouth, with its natural sweet notes and strong mint overtones.
He gripped Levi's shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. This one lingered too long, but he couldn't bring himself to end it. Levi's hands smoothed slowly up and down his back.
"When I get back to Trost," said Erwin, "let's make some time to retire to the guard tower and have that talk we've been putting off."
"I already know how it'll go," said Levi quietly. "We'll agree we both want each other, but we'll decide to wait until after Wall Maria. Like always."
As Erwin bent down to breathe in the scent of the dark hair, he had the feeling their version of 'waiting' was just as ridiculous as their version of 'taking it slowly' had been at the very start of their relationship.
When the door closed behind Levi, the room felt colder.
There was no time to linger. He had a meeting downtown with the merchant's guild to start arranging supply delivery.
That afternoon, he met with the MP for questioning about Sahlo's death, and found them disinterested. Apparently the tall man hadn't felt the need to use the evidence he had planted - or maybe he had discovered that the evidence was faulty. Whatever the case, Erwin was glad, as that would have been a waste of time they didn't have.
The next few days passed in a steady stream of meetings and planning. He spent two full days with Pixis and Nile and their officers, making sure they were ready with the classroom material for the reclamation. He met with lawyers and accountants to claim his share of Sahlo's will, then distributed the funds into the appropriate accounts. Some of the funds wouldn't be available for awhile, but there was already more than enough to start paying for supplies for the reclamation effort. He anticipated having a large gift to deliver to Leona in the upcoming weeks. Maybe he would even buy back his half of the apartments he had sold to Levi the previous year.
On the evening of the fourth day, he attended Sahlo's funeral.
Since the lord's house had been demolished and he had no surviving family, the funeral was held in a memorial park in the rich end of town. Erwin wasn't surprised to see that the seats were mostly empty. Less than a dozen people were in attendance. He saw only two familiar faces: Lady Gunnhild sat in the front row, and the tall man with the flat-brimmed hat stood at the trees at the back of the park. The tall man was accompanied with a short man with a round face; Erwin had never seen him before. He nodded at the tall man; the man sneered in response.
No one from the Underground was there, not even the vendors with whom he had known, legitimate business relationships. That seemed odd to Erwin until he remembered Sahlo had been the only lord arranging day passes up to the surface. He doubted anyone else had stepped in. Whatever questionable moves Sahlo had made, it had done a great deal of good for the Underground. They must not forget to carry the Underground with them when it came time for humanity to take a step forward.
A Wallist led the ceremony, referring to Sahlo almost exclusively as "Brother Etienne" as he rattled off a list of the lord's accomplishments with the church. With a brief prayer, he scattered his ashes, and the service ended. Erwin stood, feeling empty. Lady Gunnhild approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Doing okay, Erwin?" she asked. "I know the two of you worked together a lot."
He gave her a flat smile. "I wasn't aware the two of you did."
She shook her head. "We didn't, really. We dated for a time when we were young, and we always stayed on friendly terms, though I never approved of his business ethics." She frowned. "Looks like it all came back to bite him, in the end. The MP won't tell me who killed him, but I'm sure it was one of those gangsters he was working with."
It was strange to picture Sahlo dating anyone; he was too selfish and self-involved. Then again, maybe people thought that about Erwin, too. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Yours, too. Pity the Wallists don't believe in headstones. Now I don't have anywhere to sit and tell him 'I told you so.'" She smiled, but a tear trickled down her cheek. She dabbed at it with a lace-bordered handkerchief.
Erwin was accustomed to letting his officers deal with crying people at funerals; his role required him to steel himself to public displays of emotion like this. He had already said he was sorry for her loss - what more was there to do?
Luckily, she spoke: "If you need to take your mind off things, I'd be happy to take you to dinner. I know a little place that does a great spiced trout."
His polite smile must have said it all, because she nodded.
"I see. Come speak to me before you set out for Wall Maria, Commander. I've heard rumours Squad Leader Hange is doing experiments on live titans, and I'd be interested in supporting such research."
"Thank you," he said. "Perhaps I'll bring Hange with me next time I'm in town."
She smiled and walked away. He glanced back at the tall man and his companion, but they were already gone.
In the absence of wind, the bulk of Sahlo's ashes had landed a short distance from the podium, streaking the grass grey. Erwin crouched over the streak. More than four decades of machinations and personal ambitions, and all that was left was a smudge of ash on the ground.
This was a glimpse into his future - almost. He would have more attendees at his funeral, but most of them would be there out of obligation, and they would remember him as a Commander, not as Erwin Smith. Men like him, men like Sahlo, they didn't make friends. He could count all his friends on one hand.
He retired to his hotel room with a bottle of wine, and ended the night curled around Levi's pillow, trying to breath in traces of lemon scent.
.*.*.*.
On the fifth day since Levi's return to Trost, he stood beside Mike in the courtyard, his weight shifting from foot to foot.
"Awfully impatient," said Mike.
"Shut up."
Mike leaned closer, sniffing Levi's hair.
Levi punched his arm. "The hell are you doing?"
"Just trying to sniff your scent on its own one last time before I start smelling Erwin all over it."
"Knock it off." Levi sidestepped away. "You're presuming too much. Asshole."
Mike grinned.
Levi wished he had the man's confidence. Things with Erwin were strange right now. At least he'd kept his mind off it for a few days - planning was keeping him busy. Together with Dita and Mike, he had built all the squads for the upcoming expedition, and he had a first draft ready for the reclamation effort after it, too. It was difficult to allocate spaces for the new recruits without knowing how many were going to join, but based on the previous years' numbers, they had gone with a conservative estimate of eighty.
Hange, meanwhile, had been busy with a small titan; Mike's squad had captured it just outside the wall. Levi had ventured downstairs to the lab once, but had avoided it since. Hange and Moblit had been spearing the titan's knee, measuring how the titan's super-healing abilities had locked up its joints.
"For a new weapon," Hange had said, turning to Levi with such a cruel grin that he had taken a step back. He had forgotten how ruthless Hange could be in pursuit of knowledge about the titans.
That had been their only interaction, until Hange had walked by them at breakfast this morning and said, "twenty-five on kiss, but no sex," to Mike. And that's how Levi found out the two of them had been betting on his sex life. No wonder they had both been annoyed when Levi had told them nothing had happened in Mitras. Judging by the way Mike was sniffing him now, his fresh bet was on considerably more happening than just a kiss.
A carriage began to roll up the driveway. Levi folded his arms over his chest, attempting to look bored. The carriage stopped, and the door opened. A large boot settled on the step, then Erwin stood tall.
Levi watched him for a flicker of joy, or any little recognition that things were different between them, but the Commander's face was flat.
"We have much to discuss," he said, nodding at each of them in turn.
Levi wasn't sure why he had expected anything else. Erwin always wore his business face in situations like this. A little snuggling in a hotel room wasn't going to change that - it never had before.
They gathered the other officers and settled in Erwin's office, where they gave him a status update on the checkpoint expedition preparation. Everything was on track for them to leave within a few days. Erwin filled them in on what had been happening in Mitras, as well as their plans for Wall Maria.
"Make sure you keep your schedules clear in the upcoming weeks to handle preparation," he said, "and delegate as many tasks to your Executive Officers and Team Leaders as you can. Wall Maria is of utmost importance, so we all need to be focused."
"What about capturing more titans?" asked Hange, looking a bit pouty.
"Yes, that will be critical." Erwin pulled out a file and handed it over. "We have a massive influx of budget - I'm sure Levi must have told you by now that Lord Sahlo passed away and left us a large portion of his inheritance."
They all turned to look at Levi, who sank deeper into his seat and shrugged. "Sahlo's dead."
"Yes," said Erwin, looking a bit taken aback. "He was murdered last week. Long story short, the money he left to me drastically increases our available budget. We're going to spend part of that on supplies, but the rest will go into weapons. Hange, you mentioned you wanted to work on spring-loaded spear traps and stronger nets; I'm trusting you to pull this together as quickly as possible."
"Of course, sir. We're already making good progress." Hange took the file.
"Dita, Mike, Levi: you'll be taking some of Hange's planning workload. Dita, you'll be in charge of assessing horse fitness and acquiring any supplies we'll need for them. Mike, you'll be in charge of food and weapon supplies. Levi, I want you to evaluate your Special Operations Squad and make sure you have the best possible people for these missions. I anticipate your ability to float through the formation to be critical during the reclamation. As well, you and I will have final say on the personnel assignments. Pixis and Nile will be deferring to us, and I'll need your help judging where each of their regiment's squads should go." Erwin lowered his chin, giving them a determined look. "Together, we will reclaim Wall Maria and ensure the survival of humanity."
"Sir," said Dita, saluting, and Mike nodded. Hange was too busy reading the file. Levi watched Erwin, trying to get a read on him.
"Dismissed for now," said Erwin. "Mike, Levi and Dita, we'll discuss the squad reassignments after dinner."
The others filtered out of the room, but Levi hung back.
"Levi?" asked Erwin, still using his professional voice.
So the mask wasn't lowering. Levi nodded. "We'll talk later."
With all the planning they had to do, their personal baggage could wait.
.*.*.*.
That night, Levi finished washing up for bed, then strode back to his bedroom. He paused at the door, then glanced at Erwin's room. The light was off. He slipped his key into the lock anyway and turned the handle, easing the door open.
The bed was empty.
The light was still on in Erwin's office. He opened the door without knocking.
Erwin's cheek lay on his desk; his hand still gripped a pen. Levi felt a swell of fondness. He hadn't seen Erwin fall asleep at his desk in months. Dumb bastard probably loves every second of this stress.
He retrieved two blankets and returned to Erwin's side, draping one over his shoulders. Then, he plucked the pen out of Erwin's hand, putting it carefully away. Erwin stirred and mumbled something unintelligible, then began to snore.
"You're going to have a sore neck when you wake up," said Levi, but it seemed best to let him sleep. If he woke up now, he would probably drink a bunch of tea and keep working.
Levi lay back on the couch, slinging his legs over the arm rest, and pulled the second blanket over himself.
This stress what Erwin lived for, and Levi was going to be at his side every step of the way.
.*.*.*.
The next couple days passed in a blur of paperwork and planning tasks; their time was split between the upcoming checkpoint expedition and the reclamation itself. Levi floated between the groups, helping Mike pack blades, gas and signal canisters, then helping Dita decide how many carts to requisition. The party travelling north during the reclamation would have special equipment needs to weather the brutal cold, so he sent Eld and Oluo up to Mitras to speak with a specialized vendor. The last thing they needed was for the entire operation to fail due an unexpected equipment malfunction. The success of the reclamation depended on the wall supply team being in place when the bulk of the military arrived at the gate.
When he wasn't helping the other officers plan, he worked with his squad, ensuring the revised teams were operating well as units. As for his Special Operations Squad, in the end, after reviewing countless files, he stuck with the five who had been with him for some time: Petra, Eld, Oluo, Gunther, and Anton. Though their selection should have been no surprise to any of his returning squad members, they celebrated as if he had just granted them lordship.
At night, he stayed in Erwin's office, intermittently helping him with work and napping on the couch to keep him company. It felt like the old days again. A couple times, he woke to find a jacket or a blanket draped over him, Erwin working quietly at his desk as if nothing had happened. One night, he fell asleep sitting in the couch, and awoke to find Erwin curled on his side, his large frame barely fitting on the couch, with his cheek on Levi's thigh.
The day before the checkpoint mission, the base was abuzz with excitement. Everyone was aware that all the hard work they had done until now - all the lives lost, all their retreading of the same ground dozens of times - was one last push away from their ultimate goal.
Even Levi's muscles vibrated with energy. He brought two lunches to Erwin's desk, eager to repeat their shared lunch ritual one last time before the mission.
"It's a lovely day outside," said Erwin with a smile. "Shall we take a more casual lunch and go up to the tower?"
"Oh. Sure."
As they sneaked into the abandoned hallway and slipped through the door, Levi tried to guess why Erwin was taking him up there. Were they finally going to talk about everything? The timing seemed odd.
They spread an old sheet across the top of the tower and sat. The sun was bright and warm; birds flitted around them, and the air smelled of pollen and grass.
Erwin pulled off his jacket and set it aside, then rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt. Levi tried not to stare at the muscled forearms, at the fuzz of hair across them. He wanted to feel those arms around him, wanted to see them strain as Erwin's hands tightened into the bedsheets...
"We're dancing around everything without really dealing with it," he said aloud without thinking through how out of the blue it might seem.
Luckily, Erwin must have been thinking about their relationship, too, because he nodded. "We aren't even dancing around it so much as avoiding it entirely."
"Yeah."
"Should we address it now?" asked Erwin.
"I guess it depends if it's going to hurt or not. We've got a mission tomorrow, and we'll have a lot of planning to do after that for Wall Maria." Levi tore off a piece of bread and slipped it into his mouth, thoughtful. When he swallowed, he added, "Though it probably doesn't matter. Being heartbroken didn't distract us or slow us down before."
"Heartbroken," repeated Erwin softly, as if considering the word.
"You wouldn't call it that?"
"I suppose. It just makes our separation sound that much worse."
He looked so solemn that Levi said, "Don't get hung up on the word."
"Fair enough. Then let me say this: I miss spending my nights with you. And not just sleeping at my desk while you sleep in a couch or a chair - it's not the same as sharing a bed. "
That was a good place to start. "You planning on sleeping in your bed tonight? I could come by."
"I might stay up if I'm too jittery. Regardless, it would be nice to take some time to ourselves." Erwin glanced at him. "Maybe we can read a bit more."
"Yeah. But that last book was getting weird."
"It was. We'll select another one."
They ate, pausing only to discuss outstanding tasks before the next day's mission.
Then they finished, but Erwin didn't make any motion to head back down. Instead, he tilted his head back as if soaking in the sun's rays. Levi studied his neck: the thick throat, the strong swoop of muscles on either side, the hollow at the base. He wanted to kiss it, to nuzzle under his chin and feel the rasp of stubble against his face.
These thoughts couldn't lead anywhere good. He leaned against the short wall instead, eyes on the horizon.
For several minutes, they were silent, enjoying the warm sun and each other's presence.
"Levi," said Erwin quietly.
Levi felt him staring. He turned. "What?"
The words were soft, Erwin's jaw barely moving: "When did I become so afraid of my feelings for you?"
Levi blinked, his lips parting to form a response, but he didn't know what to say. "What?" he said finally.
"I caught myself admiring your ear just now." Erwin leaned forward, staring even more intently. "I tried to remember the scent of your skin here-" He tapped below his own ear, then ran a finger down his neck to his collar. "And I found myself deciding to nuzzle you there tonight, and I felt a surge of fear."
Levi's breaths slid across his parted lips, drying them, but he knew there was no way to moisten them without using his tongue or biting them, and either would seem provocative in context. "You're fucking creepy."
Erwin smiled. "I am a bit, aren't I?"
"Talking about smelling my neck - don't say shit like that. We're still separated."
"I know. It just seems that the more I try to ignore these kinds of thoughts, the more prevalent they become."
Levi finally closed his mouth; he tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. He sat tall and quietly untied his cravat, letting it slide off his neck like water. Erwin was still watching.
"Well?" said Levi.
"Well, what?"
"Ignoring it isn't working, right? So get it over with now." Levi tilted his head to the side a little. "If you start snuffling around my neck in bed, things are going to get out of control. We both know it. It's safer here." He was so dizzy that this logic seemed sound.
"We're still separated."
"Yeah, I know."
After an excruciating moment, Erwin moved slowly toward Levi, as if approaching a stray cat that might spook. He sat cross-legged in front of him, their knees almost touching.
"If we cross this line-" began Erwin.
"We've crossed a shitload already," said Levi. "It's just one more."
A broad hand reached out, the thumb grazing the skin under Levi's ear. He took in a sharp breath; it shuddered as he let it out.
"I knew touch would be our undoing." Erwin's eyes were glazed, and the words were weightless, as if he wasn't aware he was speaking. "Once I started touching you again, l couldn't stop."
"We haven't undone anything yet."
Erwin leaned forward, hovering millimetres from the skin under Levi's ear, and breathed in, but it was the exhale that undid Levi: warm, damp and fluttering. His toes curled in his boots, his hands tightening into fists. In that moment, with Erwin's breath hot against his ear, he would have crossed every line for him.
"You smell clean," whispered Erwin. "You always smell clean." The tip of his nose drifted down the length of Levi's neck.
Levi couldn't speak, and he knew his breaths were probably ragged, but he had lost control over them.
Erwin began to pull away, but instead of pulling away entirely, their foreheads rested gently against each other. His breath was hot on Levi's lips, the taste familiar and enticing.
"Levi."
His name - he loved the way Erwin said his name, breathless and rumbling all at once. He cupped the back of Erwin's neck, felt him mirror the motion. The tips of their noses grazed each other, and warm, damp air filled the tiny space between their mouths.
"What are we doing, Levi?" The whisper skimmed Levi's lips, and fingers tightened around the back of his neck. He wanted to lunge forward into the broad lips. He wanted to lay flat against him, to roll, to feel their weight on each other, to disappear into each other.
Instead, he slowly moved his lips forward, turning a skim into a graze, the faintest whisper of a kiss, then retracting it. His mind was alight. Every muscle tingled. Neither of them moved, but the breaths sped up between their mouths.
"Levi..." This time, Erwin closed the gap, the graze a little longer, tentative, as if feeling his way along a wall in a dark room.
Levi was afraid to reply, afraid to say anything that might break the spell between them. Their noses rolled together, just barely, and this kiss was firmer, but still slow, still tentative.
"We should stop," breathed Erwin, but his free hand rose to Levi's chin, thumb tracing his lower lip, coaxing it open a crack. Their heads barely tilted, their lips melding together. This was a proper kiss, but still shy.
Then they both broke the kiss, their foreheads still pressed together. Levi closed his eyes and felt the world revolve around them.
The clock tower in town square rang once.
"You have a meeting to get to," whispered Erwin.
"They can wait." Levi leaned forward to kiss him again, but Erwin pulled away.
They stared at each other, still breathing hard, as their hands dropped away from each other. The breeze was cold between them, and Levi's neck was damp and bare. He had never felt so exposed.
"There's no going back now," said Erwin, "is there?"
"There was never any going back." Levi stood; his knees felt weak, but they held. "You coming?"
"I'm going to take a minute or two to sort out my thoughts," said Erwin with a polite smile.
Levi searched his eyes for a moment, then shrugged, overcompensating for his drumming heart. "You still want me to come by tonight?"
"Yeah, if you're comfortable with it. We sleep better in the same bed."
"Yeah. Good to be rested for an expedition." Levi tied his cravat in place. Even with the caress of the fabric against his neck, the only thing he could feel there was Erwin's nose.
Focus. He threw open the trap door and quickly climbed down the ladder, thinking ahead to the meeting with his squad.
.*.*.*.
Even though Squad Levi had been fundamentally unchanged for months, they would be critical players in the reclamation expedition, so Levi had devised a harder training regimen than usual. As he watched them spar, he was already noting a marked improvement in their conditioning, particularly the power of their snap movements. Perhaps he would suggest the alteration to the other Squad Leaders in advance of their major expedition.
They were just wrapping up for the day, when Petra approached him. "Captain," she said, saluting. He wondered why she was always so formal around him; weren't they friends by now?
"What is it?" he asked, watching Oluo throw blades at a target.
"I was wondering if you might have a moment to talk after dinner." She shifted her weight to one foot. "Maybe we could meet and go for a walk?"
"Something wrong?" he asked, hoping it was nothing embarrassing. His old squad member Sonya had once tried to talk to him about a menstrual issue, and it had been one of the most uncomfortable conversations in his life.
"Not really wrong," she said. "Just something I need to talk about."
He scanned her squad mates. Eld and Gunther had their backs half-turned to them, as if trying to pretend they weren't listening. Anton seemed to be studying the fabric covering a target dummy with great interest. Only Oluo was acting naturally, but he seemed angry, launching blades at the target with unusual effort. I see. He had really been hoping Petra's feelings for him were platonic, but if not, then this conversation needed to happen.
"Okay, Petra. We'll talk. I'll meet you in the yard at seven."
"Thank you, sir." She saluted again, face beet red.
Levi gave a low sigh as she walked away.
He grabbed two dinner trays and brought them to Erwin's office, where the officers would be meeting for a mission briefing. He found Dita, Mike and Hange sitting on the couches, trays balanced on their laps. Erwin's seat was empty.
Levi set the second tray on his desk. "Where's Erwin?"
"Downtown meeting with a merchant. He'll be back in about ten minutes," said Hange. "What's wrong?"
"Huh?"
"You look even more sour than usual. What's going on?"
Levi flopped to a seat on the couch with an irritable huff. "Petra wants to talk to me after dinner."
"Oh," said Hange, drawing out the word. Mike chuckled. Dita looked confused.
"Knock it off," said Levi.
"Did I miss something?" said Dita.
Hange leaned forward, eyes gleaming. "She's going to confess her love for him."
"What? I thought everyone knew he wasn't interested in women."
"Apparently not. I don't know how she can watch him all the time and somehow miss him mooning over Erwin, but-"
"Shut up," growled Levi, already beginning to panic. His mouth was dry.
Mike stood and then knelt in front of him. Levi's lip curled.
"The hell are you doing?"
"Helping out poor Petra," said Mike. "You're going to put your hands on her shoulders, like this." He put his hands on Levi's shoulders. "You're going to look her in the eye and say, very clearly, 'Petra, I'm gay.'"
The other officers chuckled; Levi looked away. "Get your giant ham hands off me."
"Say it exactly like that."
"I've already told her-"
"You've told her a bunch of bullshit no one could understand. You have to be up front about it. And when you finish that conversation, you're going to go to Erwin, and you're going to put your hands on his shoulders, like this-"
"If you can reach them," said Hange.
"Shut up," said Levi.
"-and," continued Mike, "you're going to look him in the eye-"
"If you can-" said Hange.
"Fuck off," snapped Levi.
"-and tell him, 'Erwin, I'm gay.'"
Hange laughed. "He already knows that. Tell him, 'I want to go to your bedroom and have weird, cravat-biting sex with you.'"
Levi knocked Mike's arms away and shifted to a different cushion, trying to get away from them. "You two are fucking assholes. Dita's probably thinking we're all idiots."
Dita chuckled. "Actually, Captain-"
The door opened, and Erwin strode through. Dita immediately fell silent, but Hange was still snickering.
"Did I miss something funny?" asked Erwin, sitting at his desk.
Levi scowled. "Just Hange and Mike and their shitty sense of humour."
"I see." Erwin took a sip of his stew, then grimaced. He poked at it. "Did they run out of salt and pepper in the kitchen again?"
"At least it's food," said Levi.
"True." Erwin pulled out a file. "Shall we begin?"
As they went through the mission parameters for what felt like the hundredth time, Levi's eyes drifted to Erwin's mouth. The kisses they had shared atop the tower felt as if they had happened in another lifetime, in a dream. He tried to picture how Erwin would react if he took Mike and Hange's suggestion, and could only come up with a blank expression.
After dinner, he rose with the other officers, ready to leave.
"Levi," said Erwin. "Wait."
He stopped and turned. The door closed behind him. "What?"
"Will you still be joining me tonight?"
"I already said I would."
"I picked out a new book. I think it'll be more comfortable to read than the last one. I thought maybe we could do the final rounds together, then-"
"I've gotta talk to Petra first."
Erwin sat tall. "Oh?"
"She wants to talk about something." He paused. "Mike and Hange think she's going to confess she has feelings for me."
"I see." Erwin's throat bobbed. Levi squinted at him. Does he really think I might be bisexual? I thought Mike was full of shit. "You know I'm not interested, right?"
Erwin gave his impossible-to-read polite smile. "But if you were-"
"I'm not."
"-it would be understandable. I've seen the way she looks at you; she cares for you a great deal. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to be with someone who wasn't afraid to get close to you."
"Did you put on your bolo tie too tight?" Mike's idea wasn't seeming so overblown now. Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Look, I like Petra a lot. Care for her, even. But I'm interested in men, period. In one man." The mood was so intense that he added dryly, "And maybe that bartender we had in Mitras that one time."
Erwin smiled. "Ah, yes. The sharp-tongued fellow with the moustache."
"Only if he shaved that thing, though."
"Pity - the moustache was part of his charm."
The mood had lightened so much that Levi hated to bring it down again. Their eyes held as he tried to figure out what to say.
Erwin looked down at the papers on his desk. "Petra will be waiting for you. I'm very serious: don't be afraid to-"
"Stop trying to pawn me off on her." Frustration welled within Levi. Why the hell do you make yourself so difficult to love? He turned on his heel and marched for the door. "I'll come find you in a bit."
As he strode through the building, the frustration drained from him, and ice began to form in his stomach. He wasn't good at emotional discussions. Erwin was the only person he had ever really been able to speak directly with about his feelings, and lately, even that was difficult.
Petra was leaning against a tree, hugging her chest. When she saw him, she stood tall and gave him a shy smile. "Captain. Thank you for coming."
"Yeah." He stopped in front of her. "Nice night." The sky was cloudy, but the air was warm.
"I thought we might go on a walk through the park."
"Petra-" he said, trying to find the courage to be blunt.
"Please," she said softly. "It won't take long."
They strode side-by-side through the park. The two of them had gone for many walks together, but usually on missions - Levi often scheduled their watches to coincide, because he enjoyed her company. He glanced at her and found himself wondering how simple this would be if he wasn't gay. She was cute, and they were almost the same height; he had never had a partner as short as him before. Her kind expression was likely a pleasant contrast to his perpetual scowl. She was sweet, caring, and a competent warrior.
She glanced at him, her eyes shining, and he felt his breath catch. When she looked at him, he felt wanted. Needed. When was the last time Erwin had looked at him that honestly? When had anyone? Not since Isabel - but no, she had looked at him as a girl, as a little sister. Petra was looking at him as a woman.
Petra stopped at a bench and sat, muttering to herself about how it should be a good place to talk. He sat beside her, leaving a small gap.
"Okay." She shifted so she was half-facing him, looking him in the eye. "This is really stupid, Captain, and I'm sorry for wasting your time, but please listen. From the moment I first met you, I could tell there was something special about you."
Levi felt his heart flutter in his throat. "Special?"
"You have this spark about you, this drive to fight for survival at all costs. I could tell immediately you were the type of man I wanted to dedicate my life to."
"When I took you hostage?" His brows furrowed.
"Oh. Right, but- I guess after that-" Her eyes closed, and she took a shaky breath. "I love working for you. With you. I love that you've picked me to be on your Special Operations Squad for the most important mission humanity will ever undertake."
"Well, you were already on my squad," he said. "That shouldn't have been a surprise. You're one of the strongest soldiers in our entire regiment."
She gave him a shy smile and looked down. "Thank you, sir. I just... The upcoming two missions seem so final, you know? We're on the cusp of humanity's greatest counterattack. And it's got me thinking a lot about what I did and didn't do in my life. We all know the odds. We all know there's a good chance we won't come back. I don't want to leave anything unsaid if..." She paused. "If the worst happens to one of us."
At the words, panic seized his lungs. He couldn't breathe. He saw Isabel's severed head, with its staring, dead eyes... Big brother... Now he could see Petra staring at him the same way- No, he had to stop associating the two of them. They weren't the same person. He struggled to keep the memory buried, where it belonged.
"Captain," said Petra, and then she hesitated. Her face screwed up with resolve. "No: Levi. There's something I need to tell you."
He snapped back to himself. "I'm gay."
She blinked at him. "What?"
She looked so bewildered that he wondered if she wasn't interested in him after all. "Mike and Hange said I should tell you."
Petra's eyes narrowed as if she were struggling to comprehend him. "You're gay. Really? I-" Her chin wobbled for a moment, and then she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, shit. You're gay."
"Yeah."
"Oh, shit." She gave a distressed sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Oh, shit. You're gay. I told my sister- I had all these- Oh, shit."
"I thought everyone knew." He wasn't used to his orientation creating this much of a stir. "Eld knew."
"Oh, shit, of course he knew. He was trying to tell me, but I thought I was seeing all these signs... Oh, shit." She lifted her other hand to her face, hiding behind both. "You must think I'm so stupid. Just a dumb girl with a crush on the Captain."
"Petra," he said, but he wasn't sure what was appropriate right now. Should he offer her a hug? Leave her alone?
A tear trailed down her chin, and he had his answer. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a clean handkerchief.
She accepted it and dapped at her face, then turned away and blew her nose. The sound made him jump.
"Look, maybe I haven't been very clear with you." He shifted on the bench. "I thought you had figured out there was someone else." He paused. "Or there used to be, anyway."
She sniffled and dapped at her face, then turned to face him, her eyes bloodshot. "The person who gave you the ring?"
How did she know about the ring? "Sort of."
Her eyes widened with recognition. "The Commander."
He winced. "Don't be-"
"I can't believe I didn't put two and two together until now. You talk about him nonstop."
"I don't-"
"I thought you just looked up to him, but the way you two look at each other-"
"We don't look at each other."
"And when he was telling me you had once dreamed of marriage, he looked so sad." She bowed her head, and her voice wavered. "Of course. No one would be good enough for you but the Survey Corps' best."
His heart broke for her. He knew a thing or two about how she was feeling. Fuck it. He reached out and pulled her in for a hug. She buried her nose in his neck and clung to him, her grip tight. In spite of all her muscle, she was small and soft.
When they pulled apart, her eyes were still damp, but she gave him a kind smile. "I'm sorry, Captain. I feel like an idiot for dumping all this on you tonight."
"It's fine." He paused. "You can call me Levi."
She shook her head, looking down. "I think I should stick to Captain."
"Okay."
She handed back his handkerchief, then stood and saluted, a determined look on her face. "I want you to know this doesn't change anything. I'm going to devote the rest of my life to your command. I'll devote myself twice as hard, so you know I'm not just acting out of dumb puppy love."
"I never thought that."
"Well, maybe others did." Her face softened. "Good luck with the Commander. It sounded like things were complicated."
"Yeah."
"I hope it works out. More than anything, I want you to be happy." Her cheeks were dark, and her jaw was wobbling again. "I'm sorry. I should go."
He nodded. "Get some sleep before the expedition tomorrow."
"Sir." She saluted, then briskly walked away.
He watched her leave, then let out a low sigh and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
As horrible as he felt for Petra, it felt good to be wanted.
He wanted Erwin to want him the way Petra did. He wanted to recapture the spell they had found themselves under on the tower. He wanted Erwin to look at him with wonder and helplessness, to come undone.
He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, pacing toward the base. Just talk to him, he told himself. Do what Mike and Hange said. Lay it all out for him. Don't let him push you away until you get an answer.
He passed a young pair of soldiers frantically making out on a bench; they didn't notice him in the dim lamplight. Any other day, he would have given them hell for breaking protocol - more to scare them into concealing themselves better in the future than out of true discipline - but instead, he glanced at their clawing hands, their frantic movements. Is that what he and Erwin had looked like, back when they had been unafraid to give in to lust? He liked to think they had been more dignified. He felt a grasp of thick fingertips between his shoulder blades, on his ass, and he shivered.
He could see Erwin's office window from the court yard; the light was out. His pulse sped up. He's waiting for me in his bedroom.
He paused at the bedroom door; he could see the lit cracks of lamplight around it.
Lay it all out for him. Get an answer.
He pushed into his own bedroom instead.
He took longer than usual getting ready for bed, taking a bath first. The water was so brisk that it distracted him, and he focused on his routine. He carefully dried his hair with a towel and parted it. When there were no more reasons to delay, he pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and trudged to Erwin's door. He raised his fist to knock, but decided to open it instead.
Erwin sat in the bed, propped upright by a couple pillows. He looked up at Levi with a placid face.
Levi closed and locked the door, then leaned against it. He searched for his own words, but found Petra's instead. "We all know there's a good chance we won't come back. I don't want to leave anything unsaid."
He stood there, jaw trembling, desperate for any hint of a sign. But Erwin gave none: his face was still placid.
"I see," was all he said.
Levi felt a swell of frustration. Words were getting them nowhere. Fuck it.
He strode across the room, caught Erwin's jaw and kissed him hard. Their noses mashed together, and their teeth clashed.
A hand pressed to his chest, pushing him away.
Erwin stared at him, eyes wide and blue, hand still on his chest. Levi heard his own breaths rasping between them, as ragged and frayed as his confidence. He couldn't move, couldn't speak.
The hand on his chest slowly slid up his collarbone, then his neck, and hooked around the back of it. Their gaze still hadn't broken. Erwin's eyelids were low. He wasn't pulling away.
Levi leaned in again.
This time, Erwin's lips were soft. It caught Levi off guard, and he moaned; he heard a catching breath in response. He leaned into the kiss, one knee on the bed. The soft lips parted beneath him, and then their tongues slid together, gently at first, but then the hand at his nape grabbed his hair, pulling him in closer. Oh, fuck. He could feel Erwin probing deep into his mouth, and that was when he realized six months' worth of tension was about to consume them.
Without breaking the kiss, he threw a leg over Erwin's body, grinding into his lap over the covers. The hand in his hair tightened, and he heard a low growl. The hips began to counterthrust beneath him.
This blanket is too thick. Levi pulled away to move it.
Erwin seized the opening; he caught Levi's ass with his free hand and rolled, pinning him to the bed with a deep kiss. He freed himself from the blanket and lay on top of Levi, grinding him into the bed. So good, his weight felt so good, his movements surprisingly rough. Levi clawed into his shoulder blades, writhing against him. He wants me. He wants me... He wanted to be closer. He wrapped his legs around Erwin's hips, arching up against him. Erwin ground hard into him, so violently that Levi was afraid they were both going to orgasm before they even had their pants off. Then Erwin was kissing his neck, his collarbone, nuzzling beneath his chin. He was sucking hard. Too hard. It hurt. It felt so good.
Then he pulled away - leaving Levi gasping and dazed - and whispered fuck as he tugged at Levi's waistband. He tugged the pants off Levi's hips, down his legs, then cast them onto the floor.
Closer. Levi reached for Erwin's waistband, too, but the angle was too awkward. He shoved hard to roll him onto his back and yanked the pants off, then dropped on top of him, kissing him again. Hands clamped over his ass, then they were grinding again, skin to skin, so hard that it was almost abrasive.
Levi jerked his head back to moan loudly - the assassination attempt last year had proven this area was soundproof, anyway, so why hide it? Erwin cried out, too, his hands tightening. Levi looked down to see Erwin's staring at him. Blond hair hung in his eyes, and his abdomen was clenched so tightly that he was vibrating.
Levi wanted that energy inside him. "Fuck me," he growled.
Erwin gasped, his eyes closing. "Okay."
Levi broke out of his grasp and reached for the bedside table, yanking open the drawer. There was still a bottle of oil here - nearly empty - as well as several toys.
"Shit," he whispered to himself, imagining Erwin using them during their separation- No, he couldn't let his head go there. He needed to rush into this, or he might think his way out of it. His hand closed over the bottle and he slammed the drawer shut.
Erwin took the oil from him, giving him the look he gave his political opponents, the intense one that was almost intimidating.
Stare me down, thought Levi, meeting him head on. Possess me. He needed to be Erwin's. He needed Erwin to be his.
"Lie on your stomach." The words were soft and commanding; they ran down Levi's spine and glowed deep inside him. He lay face-down.
Broad, strong hands gripped his hips. Levi felt teeth nip a little too hard at his ass, and he was about to complain, but then he felt Erwin's tongue.
"Fuck!" He grabbed the pillow and bit into it, thrusting his hips back against that aggressive tongue. He cursed again, over and over. Erwin was making long, pleased hums that vibrated through him. His tongue began to probe deeper, and then there was a drizzle of oil and a finger.
Levi had forgotten how thick Erwin's fingers were. Sweat rolled down his temple, and he tried to buck back against him to take him deeper, but a strong hand pressed into his lower back to hold him still. Erwin knew exactly where to touch him, and he felt himself steadily beginning to rise. He was just starting to worry about tipping over the edge when Erwin stopped and slowly pulled out.
"Roll over." It was that same soft, commanding tone.
Levi clumsily rolled onto his back. Erwin was on his knees beside him, coating himself with oil. Levi's eyes drifted down his body and rested on his moving hand. He could see the swollen tip and protruding veins, and he felt himself throb. He wants me.
He grabbed Erwin's shoulders and pulled him down. Their lips met again, and Levi wrapped his arms and legs around him, ready to take him in. Pain shot through him. It had been a long time. He threw his head back, teeth clenched.
Erwin eased up. "Do you need me to-"
"No. It's fine." They couldn't stop to talk; the spell might break.
"Remember to breathe."
Levi realized he had been holding his breath. He took several breaths. "Go in."
It was slow, at first, and then all at once. Finally, finally, after so many weeks apart, they were one.
"Fuck!" Levi clawed Erwin's back, arching against him. So good, so good, it's so good. He could feel his shape so perfectly. He had forgotten how much sensation his insides could feel, how intimate it felt to share this with the only man who had ever had access.
Erwin bit into his neck and rocked into him. Levi cried out, high-pitched, carried away by the pleasantly burning stretch, the body weight on top of him. He raked flesh, deeper and deeper, until Erwin yelped. The movement stopped.
Levi opened his eyes, breathing hard. The Commander was looking down at him with the same expression he wore when he was looking down at a map.
"You're getting violent." It didn't sound like a complaint. Erwin grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand. Levi weakly tried to pull himself free, but he was too distracted to fight back.
"Should I let go?" Erwin bent down and sucked the skin of his neck, sliding it between his teeth.
Levi cried out and squirmed. "Keep going."
"I know you don't like being confined."
"It's fine," he gasped. "Keep going."
Then Erwin was moving inside him again and sucking at the skin under his ear.
Levi writhed, feeling the body weight, the confining grip, the relentless driving hips. Every hair on his body stood on end. All he had wanted was a quick, thoughtless fuck, but this, in all its strange violence, all its strange give-and-take of power, was something deeper. It was months of shared tension and suffering. It was the evaporation of all the restraints they had strained against. The more Erwin confined him, the freer he felt.
He was soaring, too high, but so was Erwin; the mask had flaked away, thrust by thrust, to reveal a flushed face with damp skin, flared lips and clenched teeth. Blond strings of hair flopped against his face in time with the slapping skin, and the veins of his neck and arms were bulging.
"Oh shit." Levi writhed against the bed, tossing his head back. He was getting close, but he needed friction to finish. He let out a frustrated wail, trying to tug his wrists free.
Erwin released him, and Levi grabbed himself, pumping hard with one hand. He clawed into blond hair with the other, pulling Erwin down for a deep kiss. The kiss was deep, wet and sloppy; he cried out into it, feeling himself starting to rise. His legs wrapped hard around Erwin, his hips lifting off the bed-
He came with a wail, clawing hard into flesh, writhing and shuddering. He felt Erwin drive into him with that familiar instinctive rhythm, heard his gasps rise, then felt him shudder and slam, again and again.
Then the world was still as they held each other.
After a moment, Erwin pulled out and collapsed at his side, breathing hard.
Levi's heart pounded in his throat. Was Erwin going to fall apart, the way he always had near the end? Would he look at Levi with regret, or love? He finally gathered enough courage and sat up.
Erwin's face was slack, eyes closed.
He's fucking sleeping. Typical. Levi tried to feel annoyed, but only felt a swell of fondness. He found clean handkerchiefs and mopped himself up, trying not to wonder if this was going to screw up everything between them. The best course of action was probably to go back to his room and pretend this had never happened. They had an expedition tomorrow, and Erwin was clearly too tired for a relationship talk.
He grabbed his pajama bottoms and shook them out, ready to put them on.
"Levi," rasped Erwin.
He turned. The Commander's eyes were only open a crack, but his face was gentle.
"Yeah?"
"Stay." A slow blink. "If you want."
"If I stay, we have to figure out what the hell that was."
"Or," said Erwin softly, "we can just fall asleep."
Levi held his gaze for a moment, then pulled off his pants again and folded them, setting them on the bedside table. He tugged the covers free so he could drape them over Erwin, then crawled under them on the other side of the bed.
"Probably good we blew off steam," he said quietly. "We've been all tense and weird lately."
Erwin rolled over and pulled him in. His nose nuzzled the back of Levi's ear. "Levi."
Maybe it was the hot breath near his ear, or maybe it was the name itself: Levi shivered. "Yeah?"
"You were right when you said there was never any going back. Not for us."
"Maybe." He laced their hands together. "Go to sleep. It's a big day tomorrow."
Erwin's voice was dreamy. "I'll give you Wall Maria, Levi. I'll give you everything you deserve. We're close. We're so close."
Levi reached over to turn out the lamp, then snuggled back into his arms.
.*.*.*.
Erwin awoke the next morning to find his Captain in his arms. Soft breaths fluttered across his collarbone. His heart pounded as he was suddenly wide awake. We slept together...
The morning bell began to ring. Levi jolted upright, then turned to look at him. Recognition set in, and his brow furrowed.
Erwin's eyes drifted down to the purple marks across the man's lower neck and shoulders. "I suppose we have an expedition to prepare for."
Levi nodded. "Yeah."
"We'll speak tonight, after we've settled in at the third checkpoint."
"Sure." Levi hesitated. "I don't know if I'm supposed to kiss you right now, or if we were just blowing off steam last night, or what."
Erwin stood and grabbed his towel. "It doesn't matter right now." If they started kissing, there was a good chance he wouldn't want to stop.
Only Mike and Moblit were in the baths when they arrived. Moblit's wide eyes were fixed on the love bites around Levi's neck.
The Squad Leader, meanwhile, sniffed the air, and then a leer began to stretch across his face.
"Don't," warned Levi.
"Hange owes me fifty," said Mike.
"Fifty?" said Moblit.
"Yeah. Last night we went double or nothing. I bet they'd hook up before the expedition today."
"This isn't the time to discuss it. The others will be here soon." Erwin sank into the bath, then sucked in air through his teeth as water hit his back. He had forgotten Levi had raked it up.
"Are you okay, sir?" asked Moblit.
Erwin tried to sink lower to hide the scratches on his back, but Mike pursed his lips and grabbed his shoulder, turning him.
"Holy hell, Levi."
"We were blowing off steam," said Levi, a little too defensively.
Erwin cleared his throat. "We're about to embark on the penultimate mission of humanity's greatest conquest. Perhaps we should shift the conversation away from sex."
"Sure," said Mike, "but anyone who sees those scratches and those love bites side by side is going to put two and two together."
"Love bites?" Levi covered his neck with his hands and narrowed his eyes at Erwin. "You gave me fucking hickeys?"
"I'll finish up here and leave before anyone else notices my scratches," said Erwin, quickly soaping down.
When he returned to his room, he checked his back in the mirror, and he frowned. It looked like he had been rolling around shirtless in bramble like a horse on grass. A few scratches had been deep enough to draw blood, and he wondered if he was going to get bloodstains on his dress shirt. A shiver rippled through him again as he recalled how feral Levi had been, how utterly he had given up control.
Focus.
He quickly dressed, then styled his hair.
The dining hall was abuzz with the usual pre-expedition jitters. It had been so long since they'd had major losses that the majority of soldiers seemed to have forgotten the horrors that awaited them on the other side of the Wall. Their optimism was good for morale, but they needed to remember to be cautious.
Erwin stood at the front of the hall. "Your attention, please."
Several groups quietened down, but a few others were still tittering and chatting.
"Hey," yelled Levi from the officer's table. "Listen up, brats."
The room fell silent.
"Today," boomed Erwin, "the Survey Corps will embark on the 56th expedition outside the walls. When we return to this base, the path to Wall Maria will be fully stocked with supply caches and checkpoints, and humanity will be ready to launch its counterattack. The titans have long seemed an insurmountable foe, but we are on the cusp of proving humanity is stronger. Today, we fight for our fallen comrades, who gave their lives so this expedition could be possible. Today, we fight for humanity!"
The soldiers roared and stood, saluting. He glowed as he took his seat next to Levi.
Hange leaned across the table. "I hear Mike owes me some money."
Levi let out an irritated huff. "Focus on the mission, shitgoggles."
"The Southern 104th Trainee Squad is in town for wall training while they wait for their official deployment," said Dita, changing the subject. "They'll be watching us set out."
"Is it that time of the year already?" asked Hange. "You want us to give them the usual spectacle, Erwin? Show off the Survey Corps a little as we head out?"
"No," he said, poking at his food. "It doesn't matter where they end up this year; all three branches will be supplying soldiers for the reclamation effort. I don't want anyone wasting valuable energy by showing off for them. We need to conserve all our strength for the upcoming mission. Stay in formation, eyes forward."
"That's no fun," muttered Hange.
Levi leaned close. "Eat something."
Erwin slid his food around the plate. He always found it difficult to eat the morning before an expedition, especially one this important.
"Sir." Nifa rushed up to him and saluted.
"What is it, Nifa?"
"A Garrison soldier just approached the gate with a message. Titan activity is higher than usual outside the Wall. They're doing their best to thin their numbers with cannons, but our support squads may have their hands full."
"Thanks for the message, Nifa." He looked up at his officers. "We're going to keep the formation tight while we travel through the active area. Mike and Levi, your best teams will assist the support squads. Above all else, we must protect the supply carts."
Of all the days for the titans to be restless, it had to be the day of this expedition. He tried to hold on to optimism. Better now than during the reclamation effort.
.*.*.*.
The instant they left the walls, Erwin discovered the gravity of the Garrison's warning. Titans swarmed the support squads by the dozen.
"Advance," he roared as the squads around him began to falter, distracted by the activity at their flanks. The titans had been relatively quiet in this area for the past year, so the bulk of his soldiers didn't remember the old days, when they had to fight their way out of the city like this.
The city gave way to grasslands. This was normally where Erwin would deploy the Long-Range Scouting Formation, but their path would bring them through one more abandoned city within about an hour, and his instincts told him to wait. If titans were restless there, too, then the formation would spread them too thin, leaving the centre columns vulnerable. Even the grasslands were swarming with titans; he redirected the formation to avoid several, and the support squads handled the rest.
His suspicions were realized when they began to ride through the abandoned city: it was crawling with titans, too. Red flares began to go up not just from the flanks, but from the centre columns, too. What the hell is going on?
"Erwin." Levi rode up beside him, his Special Operations Squad riding in a V shape behind him. "The formation is falling apart."
The southwestern front had the most red flares. Erwin's eyes narrowed, and he pointed. "Go there. We're going to stand our ground and try to fix this."
"Really?" said Levi, dubious.
"We're not just laying a path for the reclamation effort - we're clearing it. There's no point getting supplies to our destination if the Garrison and MP troops are going to die within an hour of the wall. Go." He fired a white flare vertical, signalling to all teams to stand their ground.
"All squads," he hollered, "engage the enemy."
"Petra, Anton," barked Levi. "Come with me. Eld, Gunther, Oluo: assist the scouting squad in the western flank."
"Sir!" barked his squad, and they rode off.
"What about us, sir?" asked Pehr.
A suspicion began to form. Erwin scanned the horizon and found a clock tower. "Pehr, track down Mike and find out if there's a pattern to the titan movements. I'm going up to the clock tower to survey the area."
He galloped hard toward the clock tower, then launched out of his saddle, sinking a grapple as far up the tower as he could. He used several cable grabs, trying to conserve his gas, and landed on the top. He sank to a crouch, scanning their surroundings.
From his vantage point, he could see most of the battlefield. Though his soldiers were engaged in heavy combat, they appeared to be holding their ground well - keeping the formation tight had been the right call.
But when he looked north of the town, he saw hundreds of titans moving north.
Toward Trost.
His gaze snapped south, and he saw the same pattern.
His heart sank.
When Pehr joined him on the tower a few minutes later, he could tell by the man's pale skin that his suspicions had been confirmed. "Mike said they were heading toward Trost, didn't they?"
"Yes, sir."
Erwin's eyes closed as he steadied himself. The only reasonable assumption was the titans were staging another attack on Wall Rose. Trost was in peril. If they rode at full speed and ignored the titans around them, they might be able to make it back to town in less than an hour.
He stood tall, opening his eyes. "Spread a message to each of the Team Leaders: we're retreating to Trost. Tell them to expect hostiles, maybe even all the way into the city. We'll rally in the grasslands and fall into attack formation."
Pehr's eyes were round. "Sir, you don't mean-"
"Go." He fired a green flare north. Green flares went up from every part of the formation except the southwest. That's where Levi is. He hopped off the edge of the building, using his gas and grapples to quickly drop down to his horse.
He began to ride southwest; two of his navigators fell in behind him. He thought about sending them away, then decided he didn't want to be caught alone if he rounded a corner and chanced on a titan.
He needed to find Levi. There was no counterattack without Levi's strength. Where is he?
He burst into an alley, then slowed the horse. Levi and Petra were kneeling by a corpse. Was that Anton? No wonder he missed the signal flares. He felt a swell of frustration - this was why soldiers needed to wait until they had reached safety before they started mourning the lost.
"Levi," he said.
The Captain stood and turned to him, face blank.
Erwin halted his horse. "We're retreating."
"Retreating?" Levi's face darkened; he was clearly still upset about Anton. "We haven't even reached the border of the city. Are my troops dying for nothing? I'm sure you have a good reason for this."
"They're after the town," said Erwin. "They're moving northwards as a group. It's just like five years ago - something's happening in Trost. They may have broken through the wall."
"No," whispered Petra.
Levi's face hardened. "Petra, go make sure the others rejoin the main group. Head straight for Trost." He gave a high-pitched whistle. His horse trotted around the corner.
"You're the fastest soldier we have," said Erwin. "Ride ahead. When you reach the gate, fire a black flare if Trost is under attack, white if not."
Levi nodded. He mounted his horse and began to sprint north.
Erwin fired another green round north to assess the formation of his soldiers. The responses were scattered, but the volume looked about right.
Pehr rejoined him outside the city. "Every surviving team is out, sir."
"How are the casualties looking?"
"Surprisingly few."
"Good." Erwin urged the horse to a gallop so they could reclaim their place at the head of the formation. As they rode through the meadows between the two cities, the formation naturally corrected itself. By the time they were nearing the wall, the entire regiment was where it should be.
Erwin kept his eyes on the horizon. When a black flare went up from the wall, he knew Levi's team had witnessed an attack for themselves. Is it just Trost, or has Wall Rose fallen, too? He felt despair pooling in his stomach, felt himself teetering on the edge, ready to fall in.
He gritted his teeth and drew his sword, thrusting it forward. "Trost is under attack!" he roared, standing in his saddle. "We won't let it fall! Offer up your hearts!"
Around him, he heard blades clicking into place, then cheers and roars. He felt a swell of pride that this traumatic news wasn't breaking them.
The outside town was thick with titans, but they were all ignoring the soldiers, moving toward the gate. Erwin leaned forward, teeth bared, as the horses barreled toward the gate.
But when they reached the gate, a swarm of titans was writhing against it, unable to get through. The gate is fine after all? It's closed? He scanned the area for Levi, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"All teams," he boomed, "switch to 3D movement." He stood on his saddle and leapt, beginning the arduous task of climbing the wall. He blasted extra gas to speed the ascent, almost running out by the time he landed at the top.
He stood tall.
Trost lay in ruin.
Buildings had been flattened; flames billowed from so many places that the city looked like a forest of smoke. Titans roamed the streets. He felt a spike of fear as the ruins of Shiganshina flickered through his memory like a forgotten nightmare.
But no, this was different. Across from them, hundreds of soldiers stood atop Wall Rose, staring.
Why are they staring? Erwin scanned the city and spotted Levi with - was that a half-formed titan? This didn't make any sense.
Most of the regiment had landed beside him now. He thrust his sword toward the city. "All soldiers, clear out the remaining titans!"
He swooped down toward Levi, carefully using his grapples to help conserve gas. As he landed, he saw an unconscious boy on the top of the titan - no, was he melded into the titan?
"Levi."
The Captain turned to him, skin pale, eyes wide. Erwin had never seen him so shaken on the battlefield. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but he heard boots land softly behind him.
He turned to see Commander Pixis.
"Commander," said Erwin, saluting.
Pixis saluted back. "You picked a hell of a time to come back, boys."
The half-formed titan was beginning to steam away. Two kids in trainee uniforms, a blond boy and a dark-haired girl, were trying to pull the boy out of the titan. The blond boy appeared to be crying.
"He sealed the gate," said Pixis, nodding toward a giant boulder at the wall. "Eren Yeager." He turned to Erwin, his eyes sparkling. "He has the ability to transform into a titan."
Levi stepped closer. "What the hell are you rambling about, old man?"
"The Colossal Titan reappeared, and just like five years ago, it kicked a hole in the outer gate. But this time, we had a titan on our side." Pixis pulled out a flask and uncapped it. "Eren Yeager transformed into a titan and took out more than twenty of them himself, then helped us plug the hole with a boulder."
"Holy shit," breathed Erwin, forgetting he was in polite company. He turned to stare at the unconscious boy. His body was steaming, and he had what looked like burn marks on his face.
"What are you saying?" growled Levi.
"He's saying humanity has just discovered its greatest weapon," said Erwin, breathless. This boy is our answer.
This boy is how we will seal Wall Maria.
.*.*.*.
There was no time to reflect: boulder or no, the titans still had control of Trost. Cleaning out the stragglers took until nightfall.
Afterwards, Erwin, Pixis, Levi, and a handful of officers from both the Garrison and Survey Corps met in Erwin's office to discuss the damage. While there had been no civilian losses inside the walls, a large number of soldiers had died. The final casualty count was still coming in, but the losses to the Trainee Corps and the Garrison had been severe.
Eren Yeager, still unconscious, had been taken into Military Police custody. His fate was still being determined. Erwin was already planning to head to Mitras the next morning to state his case to Commander-in-Chief Zackly. The Survey Corps needed Eren's powers at any cost. If he could seal a hole in Trost, he could do the same in Shiganshina.
Levi was going to accompany him. Hange and Moblit would have been good to have along, too, but they were already busy with two new titan captives, taken from the stragglers in Trost. Mike and Dita would stay behind and help with paperwork. As short as the expedition had been, the unusual circumstances had created a lot of red tape.
By the time they disbanded, it was nearing midnight. Erwin had hoped to speak with Levi privately, but the Captain slipped out of the office with the others.
Erwin had a quick dinner of cold leftover stew - he hadn't eaten much during the day, so it was surprisingly satisfying.
He debated whether or not he should track down Levi. It was possible he was overwhelmed and needed space, especially with Anton's death. Death always hit him hard. Then again, Erwin might be able to talk him through it.
He decided to check the guard tower first. Even if Levi wasn't up there, Erwin might stay for a little while by himself and try to sort out his whirling thoughts.
He threw open the trap door. The night sky was clear and thick with stars. It was so dark that he couldn't tell for sure if Levi was sitting on the ledge or his eyes were playing tricks on him.
"Levi?"
"Yeah, I'm here."
Erwin settled into place next to him. The air smelled of smoke; a few fires still burned in the city. Even under this thick veil of darkness, it was impossible to pretend the city was unchanged.
"How are you doing?" he asked quietly.
He heard fabric shift beside him. "We're fucked, aren't we? The gate is sealed off permanently. We spent all these years - all these lives - trying to build a supply line to Wall Maria, and in just a few short minutes, it all got wiped to shit. Can we even get to the supply route from any other city?"
"Possibly," said Erwin. "But we'll need some time to scout a new departure point and figure out the best path to meet up with the old route."
"This is fucked. All this time, it was easy to pretend Wall Maria was a fluke, or a one-time thing. Of course they came for Wall Rose, too."
"Levi."
"A boulder is all that stood between us and losing Wall Rose. A boulder and a brat who can apparently turn into a titan." His breath shook. "Everything's ending."
"No, Levi." Erwin felt a swell of hope. "Everything's finally beginning. Think of what it means for us to have a titan on our side, one who can tear through other titans like paper, one who can block off Wall Maria during our reclamation effort. Perhaps we will have to rebuild a portion of our supply route, but we have a new weapon in our arsenal, one more powerful than any mankind has never seen."
"Assuming it wants to fight with us," said Levi. "He's a titan, Erwin. He's a monster."
Erwin glanced at him; his eyes had adjusted enough now that he could make out Levi's silhouette in the darkness. "I know another who believed himself to be a monster, but has turned out to be Humanity's Strongest."
Levi scoffed. "That's different. He's a titan."
"He's a boy. He already worked with Pixis. He'll work with us, too."
"What makes you think that?"
"Do you remember when we spoke with Berit about the 104th Trainee Squad, and she spoke about Eren Yeager?"
"No."
"She said he was a solid soldier, one with great perseverance and charisma. She mentioned his two friends, too - they were with him today."
"They came out of Shiganshina, right?" said Levi, catching Erwin off guard. He always forgot how good Levi's memory was. "Convenient that he was at both attacks and he can turn into a titan."
"We need to question him, of course, and keep an eye on him. I'll admit I'm listening to my gut on this one. The potential benefits to humanity are too great to ignore."
"Listen to you, willing to bet everything on a titan brat."
"His existence gives me hope. More hope than I've ever felt. I think you'll come around, too, in time."
They were silent for a long time, staring at the stars together. A breeze finally broke the stillness. Levi pressed closer, shivering a little. Erwin glanced at him, then draped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.
"I guess Wall Maria's a ways off yet," said Levi.
"Maybe a little longer than we were expecting." Erwin nuzzled the side of his hair, breathing in the familiar scent of lemon and natural oils. "I still want us to rebuild our relationship when there's time, when we can give it the attention it would deserve. But then I think you're right: the titans have always come first between us. That's why we work." He closed his eyes, treasuring their proximity. "We're already behaving as if we're back together, anyway."
"You mean fucking."
Erwin felt his cheeks warm.
Levi slid closer, nestling against his torso. "Fine, then say it. Make it official."
"Before we do, you have to understand, Levi: the appearance of Eren Yeager changes everything. We may have to resort to underhanded tactics to acquire him. We may have to oppose the monarchy and the noble class in ways you never imagined. There's a good chance my neck will end up in a noose before we catch sight of Wall Maria again."
There was a long pause. "What are you planning?"
"That boy must be ours at any cost." Erwin found his hand; their fingers interlaced. "With any luck, the Military Police will see reason, but I know Nile: he'll be cautious. The Wallists, too, are likely to oppose anything that gets us close to altering the Wall. The nobles will be on edge because we came so close to losing Wall Rose, and even the King himself might want to weigh in. There are a lot of factors to consider."
"You'll figure it out."
"I hope so. When Sahlo was alive, I had a concentrated pressure point for many groups: the Wallists, the King, the Underground drug lords, and even the Council. Without him at our disposal, I'm going to have to pressure many groups at once. Fighting a war on multiple fronts is always risky. We saw it with Sahlo: a single person cannot weave a web without eventually getting tangled in the threads." His jaw hardened. He thought of Levi, of the future they had sacrificed. He thought of Marie, of Henrik, of his father. "Eren Yeager is the culmination of every goal we've been driving towards since we met, the reason for everything we've ever lost. He is the key to saving humanity. I will stop at nothing to acquire him." He paused. "If I anger the wrong people, they're likely to come through you to get to me."
"Good," said Levi. "I'll take them on."
"You deserve-"
"Shut up. We're not going through all this again; my answer hasn't changed. My heart is my own to offer up. I'll follow you. If you say we need a titan in our regiment, then I'll trust you."
The lounged together, the heat building between them.
"So," said Levi, "say it."
Erwin ran his fingers along the back of Levi's hand. "I don't really know what to say."
"You have fancy words for everything."
He chuckled at the dry delivery. "Fancy words. Very well." He kissed Levi's temple as he began to craft phrases in his mind.
"Well?"
"Give me a moment." He paused. "Levi, our world is constantly changing; during the entire six years we've known each other, I've felt as if the ground is quaking beneath me and I'm staggering to keep my balance. Everything in our lives is a constant game of reaction, of adaptation. But there's been one constant in my life, his loyalty bolstering me when I fear I might lose my balance." He lay his cheek on the dark hair. "We're stronger together than we are apart. Maybe separation was right for awhile, but this little world is going through the biggest changes it has ever known, and I don't want to face them alone. If you agree, I'm ready to try again."
Levi was quiet.
Erwin gave him a nudge. "How was that?"
Levi turned and kissed him. It was gentle and chaste, the opposite of the hungry kisses of the night before. Erwin closed his eyes and leaned into it.
The kiss broke. Their foreheads rested together, and he was surprised to discover he had missed this: the soft pause afterwards, when the kiss was over, but neither was willing to pull apart yet.
"Our carriage will be arriving soon," said Erwin softly. "You should get packed."
"Okay," said Levi, but he didn't move. He was shaking.
"Levi?"
"I can't stop thinking about how fucked everything is."
"We'll figure it out. When has anything ever gone according to plan? By tomorrow at this time, we'll have all the information we need to start looking to Wall Maria again." Erwin kissed his forehead. "It's going to be okay, Levi. When I look to the future, I am dazzled by its brightness. If a boy can turn into a titan, then who knows what else is possible?"
"Hopefully we don't get eaten before we find out," said Levi, standing.
.*.*.*.
An hour later, Levi settled into the carriage next to Erwin. The Commander's eyes were glowing in the lamplight, his lips curved in a soft smile. If he could foresee something amazing coming out of the day's events, then that should be good enough for Levi. Erwin's foresight had never steered them wrong.
They were silent as the carriage began to move. He was tempted to formally consummate their rekindled relationship, but the day's events had taken their toll on his stamina. Even Erwin looked exhausted; he was already nodding in and out of sleep.
"Go to sleep." Levi locked the bed into place and stretched out.
Erwin studied him with bleary eyes. "With you, or over here?"
"We were sharing a bed even before we were officially back together, weren't we?" Levi slid against the wall to leave room.
"We fit better if you're on the outside."
"Right." It had been too long. He was accustomed to putting memories out of his mind, not embracing them.
But when he slid into Erwin's arms, it felt as if no time had passed at all, as if they had been together the entire time. This was familiar. It was right.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Mm." Erwin's arm tightened around him. "You?"
"I guess." The day's events were bringing back a slew of bad memories. Humanity was so fragile - they had been so close to losing another wall, and the Survey Corps hadn't even been around to help defend it until the main attack had passed. Where would humanity be right now, if Wall Rose had fallen? Would there be another massive reclamation push with inexperienced bait? Would Sahlo's paranoia come true, and the people of the Underground would be massacred?
"Levi," whispered Erwin.
"What?"
A palm tapped his chest. "I can feel your heart pounding."
Levi closed his eyes. "I'm not as okay as I'm pretending."
"If you need space-"
"That's the last thing I need right now." Levi was quiet. "I'm thinking about how we weren't there to stop this."
"We took down a lot of titans south of the wall," said Erwin. "I bet we thinned the influx enough to unknowingly protect Trost."
"I guess." Levi glanced back at him. "Why did you ride out to find me?"
"What?"
"When we were retreating. Why did you take the trouble to find me, when you should have been leading the retreat?"
Erwin was quiet for a minute, but then he said, "You're as strong to this regiment as an entire squad. I needed to make sure you retreated safely. You're Humanity's Strongest, Levi. You give the world hope."
Levi didn't realize, until he heard the words, just how miffed he had been that Erwin had found another source of hope in Eren Yeager. "I guess humanity needs as many weapons as it can get."
"I can't imagine attempting to recapture Wall Maria without you," said Erwin quietly, "whether the boy is on our side or not."
Satisfied, Levi snuggled back against Erwin and closed his eyes.
He dreamed they stood on the wall, hand in hand, watching a sunrise engulf Trost in red.