IF LOVE WERE A FLOWER
Degradation
Erik's view on the shows was changed greatly by the way Little Annie reacted to him sitting at the piano in the orchestra pit - he had no other piano - and composing the music for the shows. Little Annie loved the music. She would dance around on the stage, what she called dancing with her not even one and a half years, and laugh. She so much loved to create new shows with her daddy, she was very self-conscious about that. She was important and knew she had to help him composing.
Erik loved her. How could he not? When he said: "Let's go composing!" she forgot everything she was playing that moment and ran to him, knowing her daddy needed her help and she was doing a very important job composing with him. He had to fight hard not to cry each time she did that. She was such a darling, his child, such a wonderful child!
And she spoke now. Several languages. English, French, Italian, German. This was to be expected and Erik understood every of these languages so he was proud that she learned so many languages in her age. Of course she made mistakes and far too often mixed the languages and confused different grammar - but then, she was not even two years old! But she spoke a weird language no one understood too - Gaelic. Erik silently cursed whoever the Irishman was who taught his daughter Gaelic for now he had to learn that blasted language to be able to understand what she was saying. If he only knew who the Irishman was? As far as he knew there was no Irishman in the variety.
With Erik's mood the entire variety changed. He no longer despised the shows he was creating for he knew Little Annie loved them. She was too young to understand real music now, but she could understand the easy little miniature operettas he created for the variety - and she loved them! She loved the costumes, the magic, the dancing, the designs, just everything. He no longer felt humiliated having to waste his talent writing popular tunes for now he considered writing miniature operas for children as valuable as any other music. It was for his daughter, his darling little child.
Erik had Little Annie with him all the time now. Winter was the time when he could do that, when she was in her tiny wooden cage "helping" him with the new props for magic shows, the new automatons for the Hall of Wonders or the casino, when they went to the workshops for the costumes or the stage design together to inspect the work, when they went to oversee the rehearsals for the new shows - he always had his child with him and Little Annie was proud to be her father's assistant.
Meg felt neglected. Erik and Annie had only eyes for each other and suddenly she, the mother, had no place in their happy little world they created. As weird as it was sometimes for Erik had his own ideas how to deal with his daughter's fears. Like every child Annie was afraid of the darkness, but instead of lightening a lamp for her Erik told her that the darkness was her friend. Sheep and cattle were afraid of the darkness because the wolves lurked and stalked their prey, but for the wolves darkness was their friend. He even taught Annie to howl like a wolf, waking up the entire block of flats far too often, until she was no longer afraid of the darkness.
When Annie was afraid of monsters, Erik gave her his pundjap-lasso and told her that her daddy would kill all monsters with it. Meg nearly fainted when she noticed that Erik playfully taught his baby to play with the lasso and Annie again and again asked him "Daddy kill!" and laughed at that. This was nothing he ought to make jokes about, but Erik was so happy with Annie, he didn't even consider this.
Annie's favorite game became "shark swallow". She would run up to the wooden megalodon's mouth, climb inside, run through it and come out at the back end calling "Poopoo!" Meg suspected Erik of having taught her that word. In winter she had the wooden shark all for herself, which wouldn't be possible in summer.
Erik even took her on a ride in the tunnel of horrors and Annie was in no way terrified but excited. As they left the fun-ride and met an extremely nervous Meg Annie told her proudly: "My daddy killed all the monsters in there!"
"Erik! You are spoiling her completely!" Meg scolded him, "This is no way to treat a baby girl!"
"O leave us be! When do I have time for her except in winter? Spring will come soon enough and then you and your mother can go on 'educating' her with me out of your way."
One day before the amusement park would open for the next season, Erik decided he would go to the meeting of the businessmen of Coney Island. They knew each other and met regularly, he was never invited, but being the owner of one of the larger amusement parks Erik thought he should demand his right to be with them. The meeting was of course not on Coney Island but in the house of one of the owners of a larger amusement park who had many other investments too and lived in a nice house in the better area of New York.
As he had expected, they were not happy to have the freak at their door. There were the owners of the theme parks as well as the owners of the small independent shops and fun rides, but even the owners of the small independent kiosks looked down on him and did not want him there. "As the owner of one of the largest parks I guess my invitation got lost. The mail is not so reliable here, you know," Erik tried to hide his anger and embarrassment with an obvious lie.
"You were not invited," one of the richest men replied coldly, "This is for businessmen, not for freaks. Go back to your circus."
"Ah, I thought so. Well, then I am precisely where I ought to be today, don't you think, gentlemen?" He stood there, pretending to play absolutely bored with his walking cane, seemingly unknowing revealing that the walking cane was in fact the sheath for a short and sharp blade, a cutlass. It was a serious threat - he would challenge everyone who denied him entrance to a duel of sorts - or do something to them on their way home. They did not want to risk that, there already were enough rumors among the fairground men that the masked magician was in league with the devil himself - or with the Boss - or that he was just a madman capable of everything.
They let him know that they did not want him there. He wasn't offered a seat, no one offered drinks or refreshments to him - the servant must have gotten explicit order not to give him anything - and they ignored him. No one would talk to him or dignify anything he said with a reaction. He was uninvited and unwanted and even if they would not remove him through physical force or call the police they made sure he got the message that they did not want him there. He was not one of them. They even talked about the rumors that 'a certain masked freak' would surely fail to pay the debts, even if he had an unknown investor form Europe.
Erik got the message. Not even those who were considered doing disreputable business by the upper class but businessmen nevertheless wanted him in their circle. They looked down on him. He was just a circus freak, an exotic exhibition, an animal in a zoo. Not even human. No one considered him having feelings, being a man of honor - questionable as it was. But then none of the other man was one of the "big players" in the city and no one was considered an honorable man by the upper class. He hated it, but he did not know what to do. He could not just kill them all or begin playing cruel tricks on them - they all paid the protection money and he could not do anything to them for he did not dare to defy Bruno Riccy now. But he needed to get into these meetings, he just needed to know what they talked about - and if they really were trying to fight him.
They wouldn't dare, they knew Bruno Riccy wanted all of Coney Island to run smoothly, and to do that, he now needed Erik as his watch dog. Erik's chain was rather long and he could decide many things alone, but that was what he was. A very well trained, enormously clever, watch dog. But never a man, only a dog. Even if a dog is so clever and well-trained his owner can't even think of living without him, he is still a dog.
Erik sighed and left silently. He couldn't endure the humiliation any longer. He had to go before he would either cry like he had as a small boy when he was shunned by his parents or lose control and kill all of them. He had weapons on his person. His cutlass, his lasso. They were certainly enough to kill everyone who couldn't escape soon enough. But he could not to that, he had to consider the consequences such a terrible massacre would have for his child. Better leave silently.
He did not go to the next train station. He needed a walk to clear his head - and right now he had such terrible urge to run, he couldn't quite understand, but he was in a nice area and could go for a walk.
It helped. By the time he reached the train station he had come up with a plan to participate by proxy. He would have Sam Singer - if he could persuade the man to help him for a price he could afford to pay - go there and declare that in truth he, Singer, was the owner of the park and Erik just his stooge. It was a risk, but Singer could eventually play that part. The only trouble was, Erik didn't know if he could trust Singer. Singer was not his friend, even if he declared that he was really happy he didn't have any responsibility or risks now and lived a very comfortable life with a good income so he wasn't angry with Erik for forcing him to sell the variety.
Erik sighed as he entered the train station. He would have to discuss this with his friends who knew Sam Singer better than he did. Could that fat rat of a man be trusted or not?
The masked man didn't get much time to think for as soon as he was back to Coney Island for there was - late as it was - a commotion at the Nature Hall. Erik made his way there and demanded to know what caused the quarrel.
His heart skipped a beat as he recognized the man who had sold him the stuffed sharks. Taking a deep breath he approached the man. "Sir, why are you causing trouble here?" he asked, pretending not to recognize the other man.
"This is my travelling exhibition! Where did you get it?"
"Sir, please, calm down. You sold me the exhibition - where is the problem?" Erik replied calmly, wondering if anyone saw his emotional turmoil behind his calm facade. He felt bad about this, knowing he did not have the nerve now to go through with the original plan - kill that man and make a mummy of his body for the tunnel of horrors. He could not do that, certainly not, he would have to find another way.
"I sold...? When?"
Erik stared at him. "I can show you the contract and the receipt. You signed a receipt that I paid. Can't you remember?"
"I remember nothing of that sort. All I know is that I woke on the streets and couldn't remember what had happened in the last two months. Someone... must have struck me down. I'm sorry..."
Erik cringed at the old man's explanation. He must have struck him down much harder than intended. "No need to apologize. Come to my office and we discuss it in private."
Erik took his place behind his desk and offered the other man a cup of tea and a seat. He prepared the tea himself on his little stove, he didn't want to trouble anyone for he knew it was dinner time. Everyone still gathered in the canteen for the two meals and Erik highly appreciated this for he felt that this would bring his most important employees closer together, would make them a real team, the musicians and the freaks. He would have to find another name for them, "freak" was too demeaning.
He studied the old man who sat there before him, sipping tea. The old man wore normal clothing like many working class people did, but he looked extremely weary. Erik took the folder and showed him the contract. "This is your signature, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes..." The old man seemed to shrink in his chair. He looked like he was about to cry. "I'm an old man, you see. I... thought that the money I would get for the exhibition would be enough to retire and spend my old days in peace with my wife. But... I do not know what happened. The police told me I might have been robbed but I couldn't remember anything. I still can't. Two months of my life - every memory is gone."
Erik swallowed hard. He should never have allowed that man to talk to him for now he was confronted with his guilt. "Maybe... I could help you?" he offered, "I cannot pay twice, of course..."
"I would never ask that of you," the old man replied, "I can see from my signature that you already paid. I didn't mean to cause trouble, I just... didn't remember anything and didn't even know I sold my exotic exhibition."
"So our encounter is purely coincidence?" Erik asked, leaning back. That man didn't remember anything, he could easily pretend to be innocent but he felt guilty. He had bereft that man of his only chance at a dignified way to live now that he was growing old.
"I was looking for a job," the old man replied, "I have been a travelling showman all my life but am too old now - I thought maybe in one of the growing amusement parks here I find a job I can do despite my failing strength."
"Of course," Erik replied, "You know the stuffed sharks and the megalodon better than anyone else - did you see the wooden model I made? You could just sit there and lecture about your sharks all day long. I cannot pay much, but it should be enough for you to have a roof over your head and won't starve."
"You are most kind." The old man was really grateful, not knowing he was talking to the robber who had brutally struck him down and destroyed his only chance to spend his remaining years in comfortable environment.
Erik felt terrible. He knew he was certainly not kind, but he could not confess his crime - that man could report him to the police and his position was terribly vulnerable already, he couldn't risk that. "It's the least I can do."
The old man shook his head. "No, sir, you are giving me a chance for me and my wife where everyone else send me away telling me I'm too old. Do not belittle your generosity."
"It's nothing. Really. Stop thanking me!"
Erik noticed too late that his sudden outburst frightened and confused the old man. "I'm sorry," he said, lowering his head, staring at his pencil as if this was an anchor to keep his mind focused and functioning, "It has been a long day. You start working tomorrow, right?" Erik got up and took some money from his safe. "Here - 20 dollars advance." He held out the money and the other man stared at him. 20 dollars was quite much, as much as an average working class man earned in two weeks. Many men earned less, about 30 dollars or even less a months.
"I cannot..." the old man refused.
"Take it, that is an order!" Erik snapped annoyed. The more the other man was thanking him, the pain in his chest increased. He didn't want to analyse his guilt, right now all he could do was trying to lessen the effect of his crime. Giving the old man a job was not too much - he would need someone as cashier at the entrance of the Hall anyways. It would not be a problem to send the woman who did that job now away or find something else for her to do - she was young and strong, she could be used for some harder work. But now he had the old man working for his money - money he, Erik, had brutally robbed. Erik sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you... just... take the money, go to your wife and have a nice evening. Tomorrow you can start working. Would you prefer the morning shift or the late shift?"
"Morning shift, but..."
"Alright. 10 o'clock then. And now go before I reconsider!" Only when the old man left Erik noticed that he had completely forgotten to let him sign a contract and discuss the salary.
He went to the canteen to find it almost empty. Only Fat Suzie and Benny were still there, Suzie helping Benny to eat and of course she had to eat much more to stay as fat as she was.
"Good night!" Benny greeted cheerfully, "Suzie and I had a wonderful idea for a new show. Your disappearance - reappearance tricks are great, but with the slim and flexible Meg the audience might eventually suspect the truth, but could you do a disappearance trick with Suzie?"
"Benny, please. I'm not in the mood for discussing anything. Is there any wine left?"
Suzie pointed to one of the tables where the used sets stood, from the audience and from the employees. Of course there were some wine bottles with some rest of wine. Erik just grabbed one and emptied it.
"Whoa, easy, big guy," Benny warned him, "If you come home drunk, Meg is going to make you sleep in the corridor."
"If I'm too drunk to open my own door, I deserve nothing better," Erik replied and sat down at the same table with them, taking off his mask and wig.
Suzie glanced at his face worriedly. "When was the last time you took time to relax?" He didn't even bother to answer. Suzie got up to stand behind him and began massaging his shoulders. "God, you are tensed up I cannot decide if this is muscle or bone. Meg really ought to care for you better. You have blisters again, your skin needs treatment, you need a massage and some help relaxing. Your wife..."
"Don't remind me of her," Erik groaned, not wanting to discuss his problems in the family now.
"She's your wife. It is her job to keep you happy, to take as much burden off your shoulders as she can."
"Tell her and she's going to kill you," Erik sighed.
"I guess she's neglecting other duties too?" Benny asked with a malicious grin.
Erik leaned back against Suzie, who was still massaging his shoulders, and closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk right now and he didn't want to go home to face Meg and her mother who would surely not allow him to relax but were eager to tell him about their problems with the dancing or with Little Annie or whatever absolutely irrelevant worries they had - and if they were complaining again about having to carry the water in a bucket to the fourth floor or having to go down to ground floor to the toilets. Instead of being thankful that they had their own room now, privacy, their own flat, they only complained about having extra work cleaning the flat, carrying the water upstairs or having to empty the chamber pots. Of course everyone had a chamber pot and Little Annie was so proud to be able to use hers just like her daddy, even if she couldn't go without nappies now, she was just one year old. "I do not even want to go home and discuss chamber pots and unwashed socks," he mumbled.
"You don't have to," Suzie whispered in his ear.
Erik's eyes snapped open and he got up and retreated a few steps from her. "Suzie... No. I'm a married man now."
"You do not seem to benefit much from that marriage."
"Suzie, stop it. I told you before that I married her because she is the mother of my child. I cannot deny that I regret many things - but never being Little Annie's father. If only... babies would come without mothers and grandmothers!"
Benny laughed. "That was a good one. Tell that in your next show and all men there will roll on the floor laughing!"
"You wouldn't want the pains of giving birth," Suzie snapped, "If men had to give birth humanity would have gone extinct long ago."
Erik grabbed another bottle of wine. "Let's drink to mothers and babies and dirty nappies," he grumbled.
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It seems, Erik is getting himself into trouble again...
Next chapter will be up on Monday! I hope you have a nice weekend. Please review!