Ruby, Jaune: EEEY! PODCAST!

Sun: Fuck it.

Neptune: eh

Ruby: Neptune, you're sitting in the hot seat, you know what to do.

Neptune: Uh. This is the podcaaaaast. I'm Neeeeptuuuune.

Ruby: I'm gonna let you go on.

Neptune: That's Ruuuuuuuby, and next to her is Jaaaaaaaaaune, and then there's Suuuuuuuuun.

Other three: [laughing]

Sun: You can smooth talk any chick you want into bed within five minutes of meeting the bitch, but you can't even do the opening for a fucking podcast.

Jaune: and he's afraid of water.

Ruby: And Weiss.

Sun: And Ruby's scythe.

Neptune: She doesn't need to know that!

Ruby: Wanna have a play date with Crescent Rose?

Neptune: I think I'm good.

Sun:[to Jaune] What the fuck happened to your voice?

Jaune: I went to a Halloween party.

Ruby: I didn't. I handed out candy.

Jaune: I just wanted to ask, did you hand out the shitty raisins, fun sized, or full sized candy bars?

Ruby: Fun sized. Fuckin' handfuls of that shit.

Sun: You went all out. Also, Jaune, how did you lose your voice at a Halloween party?

Jaune: We were screaming along to Rock Band. For hours.

Neptune: I was fucking pissed about that.

Jaune: About what?

Neptune: Rock Band is for when the party is dying, not the whole fucking night.

Sun: They're geeks, they go straight for the video games.

Ruby: Speaking of losing your voice, how has Yang not lost hers?

Neptune: Jesus Christ. After the incident with Jaune, I came out here and sat down, talked to Sun, pretended we were important people on the podcast, and we just hear Yang go "NO THERE WASN'T" We had no context for the situation, and later heard, "FUCKING PUBERT?!" She was so fucking loud.

Ruby: Tell me about it.

Sun: I can only imagine what would happen if you ate the last Popsicle, "GOD- FUCKING— RUBY! YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

Ruby: [playing along] Oh, God not again, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, I SWEAR!

All:[start laughing]

Jaune: We were talking about this earlier, is chocolate a candy, or no?

Neptune: absolutely not

Sun: Yes.

Ruby: It's its own subsection of candy.

Jaune: it's like phylum and genus and all that shit,

Neptune: You're including chemistry? It's not chocolate!

Sun: THATS LIKE SAYING IT'S NOT A DESSERT!

Neptune: so you're saying that a chocolate cake is a chocolate candy cake?

Sun: No, that's just cake, I'm saying candy is candy, and chocolate is candy.

Ruby: It's like how a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle isn't a square.

Neptune: here, let me check [grabs candy bowl on table and starts going through it, The whopper wrapper just says malted milk balls, that's it.

Sun: on Halloween you get a basket of candy, and half that candy is chocolate!

Neptune: It's a Hershey's CHOCOLATE bar, not a CANDY bar!

Sun: Just like how M&M's are CANDY coated chocolate!

Neptune: The candy man was a guy with the M&M shell, NO CHOCOLATE

Jaune: So is the shell the candy part?

Ruby: Is there a place that sells M&M shells?

Sun: Probably.

Ruby: What about the sour part of a Nerd?

Neptune: Are Nerds sour?

Ruby: Yeah.

Neptune: No.

Sun: Yeah.

Jaune: I have no choice but to agree with Ruby.

Neptune: Are they called Sour Nerds?

Ruby: No, THEY DON'T NEED TO CLARIFY!

Jaune: You know who you sound like, you sound like Alex from the animation department

Sun: No, he sounds like Gus! You're being a finicky bitch just cause you're sitting where Weiss sat the one time she was here!

Neptune: Don't say that she fucking hears every—

Weiss:[from other side of wall] WHAT DID YOU SAY, SUN?!

Ruby: FUCK OFF!

Weiss: FUCK YOU!

[chatter is heard from the break room]

Jaune: What the hell?

Neptune: Don't they know we have a podcast to film?

Ruby: I'll take care of it. HEY! HEY! SHUT UP!

Jaune: Let's kill the candy talk.

Ruby: After I set up a poll on the website. [Phone buzzes, so she checks it and laughs]

Sun: What?

Ruby: Just got a message from Blake that said, "No." And Yang has a question for you guys, "Did you guys ever grind up sweet tarts and Nerds to snort them?"

Neptune & Jaune: Yes.

Ruby and Sun look at them weird.

Yang: FUCKIN' KNEW IT!

Neptune: I had a weird friend in uh, middle school, the teacher told him to get rid of the candy, so he just snorted it in front of her.

Jaune: That'll show em!

Ruby: [laughing] Did he get in trouble?

Neptune: He went to detention.

Jaune: Was he just some big, dumb asshole?

Neptune: I don't see why, there's no rule saying we can't snort stuff in school

Sun: Is that a rule?

Ruby: it's kind of implied.

Neptune: actually, I think the only school rules are; shorts have to be 4" below the knees, no slashing, or snorting.

Sun: What if it's your medication? And you need to take it really fast.

Neptune: You haven't taken your medication today, is that what you're saying?

Jaune: Have you guys heard about the Twitter polls?

They all kinda nodded.

Jaune: well, at the our Halloween party— I said that weird.

Sun: The our Halloween party…

Jaune: At the Halloween party, we posted a poll, and it said, "To all the people with penises, have you tried to suck your own dick?" Option one was "Yes, of course!" And option two was "No, I'm a liar!" And after twenty four hours sixty five percent of our fans— with Twitter and a dick, said yes.

Ruby: We've actually run out of time.

Sun: Fuck. Really?

Ruby: Yeah.

Neptune: Okay.

Jaune: Seeya Cocksuckers.