Chapter 37: Prank Wars
Autobot HQ…
"Remind me," Jack said, "Why in the pit are we bringing this evil thing to base!?" he demanded, hefting the gender swapping module onto a better position on his back.
The ground bridge closed behind him as he and Kara walked into base. His sister sighed, "Because Kal, I want to study it. Someone needs to keep records on Kryptonian tech, and I'm the most qualified person for the job."
"Fair enough, but why this thing?"
"We were already in the ship," Kara replied.
She grinned, "And to get on your nerves."
Kara ignored the glare that Jack sent her way, knowing that it was in jest. It had been roughly three days since Jack had been reverted to normal, and the base had finally resumed an air of peacefulness. The cons Energon mines were raided, the kids hung out, and Jack and Kara had begun patrolling around earth in general, using their powers to stop crimes or assist in natural disasters.
The two siblings marched up the stairs and Jack set the module down on the ground with a low boom. Jack stood up and brushed his hands off, watching the machine with a wary gaze.
"Jack, I don't think it'll hurt you." Miko commented.
He turned to her, "Not risking it, I don't want to be like that ever again."
Miko giggled and walked over, "Big bad Jack afraid of a single room." she teased.
"Not the room I'm afraid of, it's what the room can do." he stepped around Miko so that she was between him and the open door. Kara was examining the module on the other side. Ratchet worked at his terminal, and the remaining humans were at the living area. June watched the scene unfolding with interest, waiting to see where it was going.
Arcee stood across from Starscream, the two exchanging war stories while Jack and Miko talked, "Right, the totally empty room is going to turn you into a girl again." Miko said, rolling her eyes.
To prove her point, she hopped in. Jack hid a grin, "Oh no!" Miko said in mock hysteria, "I might get turned into the opposite gender, how horrible!" and like that, the doors slammed shut.
Kara raced around the front, "What just happened?" she asked.
An evil grin spread across Jacks face, "Miko fell right into my trap." he pointed at the closed doors.
Kara's eyes widened, "Oh no."
A low hum emanated from the machine, and the bots and humans turned to it. Bulkhead stepped forward, "Uh, where's Miko."
"About to experience some sweet, sweet justice," Jack said, leaning against the rail.
Arcee approached as the machines humming grew louder, "You had this planned from the beginning, didn't you?"
"He had what planned?" Bulkhead asked, confused.
"Planned to use Miko's own attitude to trick her into the machine," Kara said, "She's about to learn the hard way what Kal had to go through."
Bulkheads optics widened as understanding dawned. Before he could say a word, the machines doors slid open, steam billowing out again.
Miko stumbled out of the room with the gender-swapping machine in it.
She hadn't changed much, she'd grown a little taller, her pigtails hadn't vanished, but her upper body had thickened out a bit, especially her arms and shoulders.
Her face was now more squared, and when she spoke, her voice was slightly deeper.
"What was that...I..." she then looked down at herself, no, himself, and his eyes widened.
"What the-?! My girls! What the hell happened to Raven and Dove!" he cried, his hands flying to his now flattened chest, before his bulged, as what he'd just let slip registered, and his face went so red, Jack thought he was about to have a stroke.
Kara raised an eyebrow, trying to suppress the hysterical laughter that was trying to leap out of her throat. "Whoa...wait...Y-You named your breasts?" she sputtered. Miko huffed.
"A lot of girls do." he replied.
"I don't!" Kara replied.
"Neither do I." June said.
Miko cocked his head. "What's wrong with you girl?" he then looked at June, then back to Kara and suddenly froze. His face going two simultaneous colors: White and deep red.
He then looked down at himself, his eyes going wide, before quickly looking up again.
"Well...that's...never happened before..."
The others all stared at him in shock, and it Kara's case; horror.
"Great Rao...did Miko just...just..." she couldn't bring herself to finish the question she was so disturbed.
"Yeah...he did..." Jack answered.
"It's not my fault!" Miko protested, fidgeting, before finally clapping a hand over his crotch, which only made his face redder, and his state that much more obvious. "I can't control it!"
Jack snorted, and grinned, chuckling darkly as he said, "Welcome to the awkward world that is the male side of the gene pool."
Miko glared at him. "But you're not human!"
Jack shrugged. "Doesn't matter, same anatomy, same automatic response. Been there, suffered through that. But thankfully now I have complete control over my blood pressure and circulatory system."
"Cheater!" Miko snarled. Then he grimaced. "How the frag do you make these things go away!"
And that, is when Jack Darby lost it.
He burst out laughing and dropped to his knees, he continued to laugh to the point that he was dry heaving.
"This isn't funny!" Miko snapped, as he glared at Kara, and Arcee, who were also snickering. June was leading Raf away from the area, the preteen too young for a conversation like this.
"Oh! Karma! How I love it!" Jack howled.
Arcee rolled her optics at her boyfriend's antics, before coming to Miko's defense.
"Just think of something horrible, that you wouldn't find the least bit exciting."
"How would you know Arcee? Speaking from experience?" Miko snarked. Arcee raised and brow-plate and put her hands on her hips.
"What if I am?" she smirked as she thought back to the night before Jack was restored...that had been...an educational experience for both of them. One she hoped to one day repeat.
'Without interruptions...' she mentally added, casting a brief sideways glance at June.
"Ok...detentions...country music...Scraplets...'Cons..." Miko muttered to herself. After a minute or so, he stood, a look of relief on his face. "There, that's better."
By this time, Jack had mostly calmed down, and gotten back on his feet, but he was still grinning.
"You know, we're gonna have to do something about the name. 'Miko', just doesn't fit you anymore..." he grinned at the death-glare his friend was now sending his way.
"It's only fair Miko...or should that be...Mako?"
"I hate you."
"Sure, whatever." Jack said as he turned his back on him, about to start talking to Arcee.
As the others started to follow his lead, talking to their own guardians or friends, Miko made the mistake of looking at Kara again as he was about to talk to Bulkhead. Only this time the Kryptonian was in front, and Miko accidently looked at her backside.
She suddenly stumbled to a hold and leaned over, his face going red.
"Frag! Not again!"
Kara spun round, her eyes wide. "Were you ogling my aft?!" she almost screamed.
Jack almost collapsed at the railing, his laughter echoing through the main hall of the base. Miko seethed.
"You are enjoying this entirely too MUCH! JACLYN!" He yelled the last word.
"Just returning the favor." he grinned And that name doesn't work anymore." Miko growled as her face turned red at the smirk she saw on June and Arcee's faces.
"How long is this going to last!?" he demanded.
"Well that depends," Jack deadpanned, "Anywhere from two to four hours, though any longer and you should call a doctor."
Miko glared daggers at him, "I meant until I can go back to being a girl."
"Two days." Kara answered, staying as far away from Miko, and making sure to face her at all times.
The newly minted boy's eye twitched before he buried his head in his hand. June walked up to him, "Come on Miko, let's get you some better clothes, those can't be comfortable."
He nodded and followed, keeping his eyes cast down. Jack grinned widely as they left, "These may be the funniest two days of my life." he commented.
Arcee rolled her optics, "Remind me never to get on your bad side."
The Next Day…
Jack sat on the couch, enjoying the relative peacefulness of the base, and ignoring the glare that Miko was still directing at him. The boy now wore a pair of loose fitting jeans, sneakers, and a purple shirt. Even as a male, Miko was quite insistent on wearing SOMETHING purple. His pigtails were gone for now, probably the first time Jack had seen him without them.
Since yesterday, June had found new clothes for him, and the boy had elected to stay at base for the weekend. He did not want to explain his condition to his parents. Krypto looked at Miko utterly perplexed once more.
Jack chuckled, "I think you're new look is confusing my dog."
Miko glared at him, "Shut up." he growled.
"I would, but I'm enjoying this too much. Now you have an idea of how I felt when I had that same condition."
"You didn't seem to be suffering that much the other night." June pointed out.
Jack blushed slightly, "That was… different. Besides, it's your fault for not knocking."
Thankfully for everyone else present, Kara came flying into the room, a controller in her hand and a mischievous look on her face. Miko looked away from her, clamping his hands over his crotch and his face turning bright red.
"Kara." Jack started, "What did you do?"
She grinned, "I told Void I'd get payback. I got payback."
The girl lifted her controller up and pressed a large red button in the middle. The sound of footsteps echoing down the hall reverberated through the base, and everyone turned to a sight they were not expecting.
Voidwalker strolled in, but she didn't walk in like normal. Instead she walked in on all fours, with a pair of cat ears integrated into her helm and a cat tail that moved in sync with her walking.
Jack clamped a hand over his mouth and snorted loudly at his sisters guardian. Kara grinned, "I hacked her processor while she was in stasis. Until I press this button, Void will think she's a cat."
Ratchet peered over his terminal, "And what if it doesn't?"
Kara waved a dismissive hand, "It'll be fine Hatchet. Just a little subroutine that I have control over. Void will be back to normal in no time."
At that moment Optimus walked in, his heavy footsteps echoing across the hall. He stopped when he saw Void. He turned his gaze at the organics, "I assume Kara's hand has something to do with this?"
She smiled innocently, "Guilty as charged Prime."
Optimus started as Void suddenly began rubbing her helm against his legs, a deep purr emanating from her chassis. A faint smile formed on his face, "I have to go on patrol, but so long as Void causes no harm, I see no problem with her like this for a little while."
With that, the Prime transformed and drove off down the tunnel. Void sat on her haunches, her tail flicking from side to side. She cocked her head to the side, "Mrow?"
Voidwalker suddenly started to prowl, optics set on her new target. She tensed up then leaped! And collided with her target with a clash.
"ARGGG!" Ratchet went down flat on his back and looked down to the sight of Void doing her best to curl up on top of him. "You're a bit too big for that now."
He could feel her purr and let his head fall back against the pavement, sighed and resigned himself into petting the very large kitten.
Just about everyone was snickering trying to hold in there laughter.
Void nuzzled his neck cables and purred, making a cute little warble with her throat.
Miko snickered louder, the situation starting to get to her.
"Alright that's enough now get off." Ratchet took on his growl and Void bolted up right still sitting on him. Ears flicked forward head cocked. "Off." He ordered.
Void scrambled off Ratchet and parked away, looking hurt as he picked himself up.
"Oh don't give me that look you evil femme."
Void sat down and brought her tail up over to her face, effective curling up. She looked up at him with pleading optics.
"Stop that." Ratchet glanced away from her.
She pleaded a little harder.
"Oh alright, come sit." He pointed at the space beside him.
Void padded over tail right up in the air.
"Oh stop looking so pleased with yourself." Ratchet scoffed turning back to his work. A moment later. "ACK!" Ratchet braced himself against the table as Void leaned into him purr loudly. She had her optics closed and her head up, pressing into his hip. He stared down. "Your horrible."
She just purred louder.
"Kara I am going to kill you."
"This is too cute!" Kara giggled watching her guardian purr.
"Look you how I am I supposed to get any work done." He glared down at the kitten pressing into his side. She just rumbled and rubbed her head into his hip.
Ratchet glared and reached into his subspace and pulled out a keep sake from a better time. He stepped away and led the silver ball in from of her optics. "Remember this?" He moved it back and forth watching her optics glued to it. The ball was small by Cybertronian standards but still rather large.
He straighten up and tossed the ball into the room.
With a skid and a slide Void gave chase after the sparkling hood relic. It bounced about the room the audience making way for the kitty bot as she leaped after it. The ball bounced toward the stone walls and she collided with it head first. She turned away and shook her head with a little whine and a few tipsy steps. But then the ball was back and she was after it.
Smirking from his spot Ratchet turned back to his work, "Just like old times."
Of course as soon as he turned his back Void caught the ball in her servos and looked rather hurt to see her Sire not watching. She padded over and purred offering the ball again.
Ratchet sighed and took the ball again and stroked her chin. "You are very silly."
Void just purred and stretched her neck forward so he could stroke her chin better.
"What did you do Kara?"
"That's top secret Ratchet." She giggled as Void's new ears lopped forward in enjoyment.
Void pulled back and scratched at her helm for a moment. It was safe to say everyone in the room was shocked as it tumbled free and clanged against the ground. Her braid released and soft long silver locks fell in a smooth curtain over her shoulders.
Ratchet smiled and stroked her cheek gathering the thin silver and tucking it behind a very elf like audio. He frowned slight at the thin weld marks around her hair line.
A soft warble pulled him back to her face, big wide optics stared up at him. Part of him still found it odd to be staring into silver rather than platinum. So wide and soft, he had searched for these optics when she came back to him, but never found them.
Void had killed Cel, he would have to find some subtle way to thank Kara for bring some aspect of his daughter back. He smiled and wished Ironhide could see this, when Cel followed Megatron some part of him dead. He was thankful Ironhide never saw Void, it would kill him all over again to see what had happened to his Little Star.
"How long will this last Kara?"
"Till I turn it off." She said cheekily.
Miko still being the sly femme at heart that she was, produced a laser pointer from his pocket and pointed it at the console. Void's optics snapped to the red light and her servo shot out. Miko guided the laser to the floor and watched Void go fully kitty mode chasing it.
Scrambling up the wall and all over, even Ratchet laughed. Till Miko directed Void to his med bay, a slew of Cybertronian cursing ensued as the crashing and banging filled the air. After a while Void lay slumped against a berth trying to catch the red light in front of her nose. Too tired to go anywhere.
"Alright Miko that is enough."
"But Ratchet." He whined.
"I'm sure you two can play again tomorrow." Ratchet walked over and sat on the berth.
Void gave a little purr and crawled onto his lap, even though only her head and shoulders fit on it. Ratchet just shook his head and smiled, and stroked her temple.
Then out like a light the bases resident kitty bot was off in Lala land. Purring in her sleep.
Later…
Voidwalker prowled down the hall, she couldn't help it, she had decided that Optimus needed a gift, but what gift? It need to be something meaningful. Miko Guitar? No to small, she pondered for a few steps more, Ratchets wrench! That would make for a fine gift, she sneaked into the med bay and there was the wrench just sitting neglected on the bench. Quick as lightning she zipped over and snatched the wrench and zoomed out of the room. Leaving Ratchet to wonder what that black streak had been.
Holding the wrench up proud she padded over to the training room where Optimus and Starscream were sparing with everyone watching.
She sat by the door. "Meow." she said around a mouthful of wrench.
Everyone stopped and stared.
Clearly she hadn't made her desire clear. "Mmrr Meow!"
Miko covered her mouth and giggled.
Bulkhead walked over. "Why don't you give me that."
Voidwalker crouched on all fours and hissed, tail flared.
Bulkhead paled and took the hint.
She sorted herself out and pranced with her tail sticking up to Optimus. "Mrrow."
Optimus smiled "Can I have that."
"Meow."
"Void!" Ratchet stormed into the room.
"Mrow!" Void bounced away with her prize.
"Give me that femme."
"Mrow!" She backed away from him.
Ratchet jumped forward and Void leaped over him, landing with her aft in the air. "Meeeowww."
Ratchet growled and rounded on the femme and staked over for his wrench.
Void bounced away as he made a swipe and growled, this was her gift! What was Sire thinking?
Ratchet approached her again and she ran away, before long Void was bouncing around with Ratchet's favorite wrench and he was trying is best to catch her.
Everyone was laughing there aft's off, Ratchets swearing and Voids innocent mews, just topping it off.
Optimus finally decide to save poor Ratchet from a spark attack and grabbed Voidwalker around the waist when she bounced by.
"Mrrow!" She disclaimed her displeasure at being caught.
Secured her with one arm Optimus offered his free servo. "Now would you please give me that."
Voidwalker happy dropped the wrench in his palm and leaned back and nuzzled under his neck purring loudly.
"Aww that is so cute!" Miko giggled. "She just wanted to give Optimus a present all along!"
Ratchet heaved. "That was what that was about?"
Miko nodded. "Cats love to give presents to the ones they care about."
"Why did she steal my wrench?"
"Perhaps she thought it would be a good present."
"Purrr, mmrrr, purr." Voidwalker rumbled, nuzzling Optimus.
Optimus chuckled and passed Ratchet's wrench back to him and gave Void's head a pet.
"Purrrr." Void rubbed her face plate against his servo.
Optimus scratched her behind a cat ear.
"Merrpp!" she went limp in his arms for a moment before, purr ten times longer.
"D'awwww." Kara watched her guardian purr.
Voidwalker opened her optics to see that Sire had stolen her gift, now this wouldn't do! She wriggled out of Optimus arm like an eel and prowled after Ratchet.
"Now what do you think you are doing femme?"
"Mrrrrrrr." Voidwalker growled.
"Uh Ratchet you better give it back." Miko said recognizing the pitch of the growl.
"Why it's my wrench!"
"MEOW!" Void leaped knocking Ratchet flat on his aft sending the wrench skidding away. "Merp!" she bounced after the wrench and scooped it up before bouncing back to Optimus and offering the wrench again.
"Meow!" she rocked forward on her paws, lifting her head up. "Merp!"
Optimus smiled and took the wrench again, he scratched her behind an ear again and she titled her head pressing into the scratching, purring loudly. With her glossa just poking out from between her lips, as her optics closed.
An evil grin spread across Kara's face, and she tapped the button on her remote. Voids optics shot open suddenly, and she looked around for a moment. Her faceplate turned bright blue through the welds on that crisscrossed them. She sucked her glossa back in, stood up, and promptly left.
The moment she was gone, Kara collapsed into giggles, "Oh my god that was hilarious!" she squealed, falling onto the couch.
Jack suppressed his own laughs, instead trying to scold her, "Don't you think that was a bit mean Kara? She looked pretty embarrassed."
The girl stood back up and shrugged, "I think she'll be fine. This was just payback for her dumping me in that bucket."
"Wait," Raf interrupted, "Wasn't that just for dropping the bucket on her in the first place?"
"I don't see your point Raf." Kara said.
"It means that Void might try and get you back for this." Miko said.
Kara gave her a look, and he looked away, blushing heavily again.
The teenage girl waved a dismissive hand, "You guys worry too much. After all, what's the worst that could happen?"
Later that Night…
The entire base minus Void and Kara was crowded around a projector that Raf had brought in to project movies onto. They were waiting for Kara to finish her shower so they could start watching. It was the new Star Trek, one of Jacks favorites. The bots sat across the floor, minus Optimus and Void. The former was out on patrol, and the latter had yet to leave her quarters. The humans were all sitting on the couch with blankets and bags of popcorn.
Arcee sat next to him, human size. They both sat in front of the couch on a pile of pillows set up as a smaller couch.
The femme wrapped an arm around him, "I will never understand your love of sci-fi Jack." she admitted.
"I love you, don't I?" he joked, "You're about as sci-fi as it gets."
She smiled, "Smooth operator."
"You know it."
Miko groaned, "Get a room you two."
"We would Miko." Jack said, looking up at him. "Thing is, even when we do, people still interrupt us." he gave June a knowing look. She looked away innocently.
Miko sighed and stood up, "I'm going to grab some sodas from the fridge, anyone want anything?" she offered.
There was a chorus of answers from the group, and Miko trudged off. The fridge was located in a small alcove leading to the showers. Miko walked into said hall, only to bump into someone. Miko stumbled back and looked at who he'd run into. He wished he hadn't, as his face turned bright red.
Two screams echoed through the base and Miko scrambled out of the hall, hands clamped over his crotch. Jack shot up, "What happened?"
The boy practically dove for the couch, burying his head into the cushion, "Kara is standing in the hall wet and naked." he said through a muffled moan.
"It's not my fault!" she screamed from the hall. "Someone stole my clothes!"
A feminine chuckle echoed through base. Jack looked up to see Void somehow sitting on the rafters, sprawled lazily across two of them.
"A little cold little one!?" she taunted.
Kara poked her head out from the hall, "Void!? What the frag!?"
Everyone looked up now, and the femme waved, "Consider this payback Kara Jor-El. You prank me, I prank you."
Kara shivered, "Fine, you made your point! Now please give me my clothes back!"
An evil grin split her faceplate, "If you insist!"
She tossed a small clump overhead, and jack realized too late what it was. A sudden avalanche of every piece of clothing Kara owned sprawled across the humans and bots. Ratchet brushed a bra off one of his helms spikes, and several of the others brushed other various clothes off their chassis.
Jack picked a towel off the floor and walked over to Kara, "Learn your lesson?" he asked.
She glared at him and snatched the towel out of his hand, "All I learned is to never prank Void. That was humiliating."
"How do you think I feel!?" Miko screeched, "I'm stuck with this damn thing! I can't get it to go away!"
Kara's face turned scarlet. Jack grinned, "I would do anything for invisibility." she muttered.
"Least you're not fighting cons." Jack pointed out.
"Or a boy!"
Elsewhere…
"Ah frag!" the mech cursed, leaping out of the way of several blasters, "That all ya got you pit stained pieces of scrap!" he taunted.
He pulled his twin blades off his back and charged forwards. He leapt over them, swinging his blades out. There were two thumps as two heads fell to the floor. The white mech sheathed his blades and grinned.
"So much for strength in numbers." he quipped.
"I don't know about that wrecker." the mech cursed and turned to see Dreadwing standing before him, with over a half dozen Vehicons standing behind him, blasters raised, "The advantage in numbers may well be your undoing Wheeljack."
A/N: Que the fanboy and girl squeals. A short chapter yes, but a funny one none the less. Did you guys like it? Was it funny, not funny? Good, bad, meh? Let me know in the reviews below. Onto some news. My next update will be for Dark of the Night, my Halloween fic. One chapter, then I go back to this, I promise guys. Just a heads up. Anyway, make sure to review, or PM me with questions or ideas. Bye!