A/N: Hello everyone!! How did you like the last chapter? Sad huh? Anyway, here is another chapter of the story. I hope you like it! Thank you for the wonderful reviews by the way. They really touched me every time you send one and it makes me want to write more!

I do NOT own TMM or the songs I use in my stories. Thank you for the wonderful reviews and please keep them coming so I can keep being inspired! Thank you and enjoy!

Diary Entry 19: Mysterious Angel and Words

'Uh? Why am I here?'

I was in a white abyss. At least, I thought I was. There was nothing but white but it was really a place full of mist. It was cold and I was alone. Alone… That very word reminded me about what Kisshu told me. His words are like needles. They pierce my heart and freeze the area that they stab. Why did he say them? Why did he use me?

"I love you, Ichigo."

If you truly loved someone then you shouldn't say them to trick them. If you loved someone, then you should tell them with all of your heart. Just saying it means nothing at all. So why did he say them when it was all a lie?

After Kisshu left, his words were repeating in my head. They reminded me of how the world hated me and I was scared. I should have cried but I couldn't. I felt my heart in my throat and so badly, I wanted to rip it out of my body and destroy it. The pain that the heart created was worst then death itself, I didn't even feel the pain in my feet when I ran over the glass. Even when I cut my wrists, they didn't hurt because the pain in my chest covered it up. Then the ground… It must have been weak from Kisshu's blast or why else would it have collapsed on me and I went falling. Was there pain at all? I remember hitting the ground but I didn't feel any pain. Then am I dead? Is that why I'm here? I don't remember, but…

"All you've been was a big pain in the ass! It was hard trying to get close to you and who knows it might be worth it. I had to go through blood, lies, and acts just to get this far. Maybe it isn't worth it because you're hardly worth the effort. I bet that your parents were glad to leave you! You're nothing more than a thick headed, over strong, monstrous freak! I've always hated you and I always will!"

If you were just using me then why did you go as far as kissing me or crying in front of me? Were they lies too? Was everything you did and said nothing but lies? You loving me is a lie and you hating me is the truth. That's all there is to it but you didn't have to make me like you.

Kisshu!

"Why are you here?"

Uh? Who's that?

In the mist, I turned around and I saw an…angel. She looked shocked to see me and I was shocked to see her. She looked beautiful. She has long black hair, longer than mine, and she has normal colored skin. Her arms and legs are long and skinny like a dancer. Her eyes are a deep violet color like I could just get lost in them. Her white tank top shirt is short and baggy that bared her waist and her long black skirt is hanging on her hips. It looked baggy so if she turned around, it would fly. What I also noticed about her attire is that she has a dark red bandage on her neck. She also has a black wing and a white wing on her back to prove that she's an angel. Her wings and her outfit are interesting but the bandage on her neck…

"Who are you?" I asked. Her violet eyes got hard and she stared at me with an angry expression.

"That is not important, Ichigo," she told me with a serious voice.

I asked, "You know my name?"

"How I know your name is not important either. Ichigo, you have to go back. If you don't, you won't be able to fulfill your destiny in the land of the living."

"My destiny?" I asked.

Her voice got softer when she spoke again but her tone is hard. "Yes. There was a reason why everything happened. Ichigo, you can't keep running away from the hardships that everyone in their lives have to go through. If you die now, then your death will be considered suicide and you won't get anywhere if that happens!"

At first, I couldn't speak. It felt like there was something stuck in it and I knew what it was; my heart. When I could, it sounded like crap like I've been crying for hours. I told her, "I can't go back. How can I go back when someone there told me that he hates me. He used me and betrayed me, and yet I still can't yank this stupid bandage off my neck! It hurts when I'm apart from it." I touched my neck to feel the smoothness of the bandage and I could feel the hole in my chest burning again. "He was so close to me. He even told me that he loved me. All of my dreams that I had where he said he loves were all real. Then he just suddenly tells me that he hates me. I know that they're only words and I never exactly knew my feelings for him but his words make me feel like everything in life hates me. Life hated me before but meeting him made me feel loved, now the feeling is back and there is nothing I can about it. If he never cared for me, then why did every kiss his lips gave, every hold they his arms offered, and every word that he said felt like they were real and genuine?"

My whole body was shaking with the dark feelings that were filling my body like beer and a cold glass. I was surprised that I didn't cry yet or even crumble to a million pieces. When he said those words, life has no meaning but why am I still whole?

The angel asked me, "Are you done now?" My body was still shaking but I nodded my head. I looked up at her and she instructed, "Then there is something I want you to hear. Close your eyes and open your ears. Concentrate on only what you can hear."

Her instructions were confusing and unexpected but I obeyed. I closed my ears and concentrated on what I could hear.

Beep, Beep, Beep

That sounds like a monitor or something. The rhythm was the same as a heartbeat but why do I hear that? Is this what she wanted me to hear?

"Please come back, Ichigo."

Huh?

Surprised to hear him, I asked, "Kisshu?" I opened my eyes and looked around aimlessly for his voice. But he was nowhere to be found. "What was-"

"That was the guy who claimed to hate you. He's calling for you right now on your hospital bed." I turned towards the angel in surprise and she has a small, gentle smile. She said, "I've been watching you for a while now and you see, as soon as he heard that you're in the hospital and on the verge of death, he came here in a heartbeat. For someone like you, trusting someone is one of the hardest things you can ever do. I'm not asking you to suddenly trust him or believe him, but I will ask you to at least give him a second chance." When she said that, I stared at her in surprise. I didn't believe her words at first. It was too unbelievable, but I heard them again by his voice.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to do this. I only told you that I always hated you because I wanted you to get hurt so bad that you would end up hating me. Seeing you looking at me with those eyes full of concern and you holding me when I was terribly wounded, it was all too much because I didn't deserve your closure. I was willing to give up on you because I didn't want to see you hurt anymore. But if this is what is going to happen, then I don't want it. I don't want to lose you like this. I always loved you and always will. So please come back to me. Please…"

I was staring up towards the sky above me when he said all of that. Then almost like rain, I felt a small warm water drop land on my cheek. I touched it and licked it; salt water. Then on that hand, I felt a warm feeling on it. It almost felt like he was kissing my hand. His hand, his word, his tear, everything! They're all true and sincere just like before, but I couldn't believe them. How can I?

"Go back, Ichigo." I turned back towards the angel as she explained, "You don't want to disappoint him with a final heart beat now do you? He's waiting for you so go."

I looked away and said, "But it's not real. How can I go back when everything he says and does only hurts me more and more? His actions leave marks, but his words leave scars. I can't go back."

"Even though he may or may not have been telling the truth, they made you happy didn't they?" It was true what she said and it surprised me. How did… "You still care about him, don't you? If you leave, you will probably get an answer if he was lying to you or was lying to protect you. But to get that answer, you would have wasted your life on that and his as well. Go back and be patient. Then you'll get the answer you wanted."

"But how do I go back? I don't…know…how……" I was looking at the ground when I said the last part. I just felt so lost and desperate. When I looked up at her again, I saw my answer.

She stood on her toes and offered her hand to me; just like a ballet greeting. I hesitated but I took her hand and then I was able to stand on my toes. It felt like her touch gave me the power to dance without feeling any pain. With her free hand, she lifted it up in the air and I copied her.

She told me, "When you are in situations where they are at their worst, all you need is a little music and some step by step moves. Want to try?"