Brave New World

by Ri2

The end of the world has come and gone, and a new world has been built from the ashes of the old. But just because the final battle's been won doesn't mean new dangers can't come crawling out of the woodwork... Sequel to Latias' Journey

37. Whatever happened to whatshername? pt 4

After all the action in the last chapter, things in this one should be much more laid-back. Well, a little more laid-back, anyway.

That doesn't mean some very interesting developments aren't in the works, however, as you learn the fates of some of your favorite characters that you haven't read about in a while. That should be enjoyable, don't you think? And next chapter, the new arc begins, which should be even more exciting than the last one! Because it has pirates. And pirates are awesome. Even more awesome when they fight ninjas (at least one ninja, anyway).

Not to mention one of the coolest characters yet is joining the team…but I digress, that's next chapter. So what's in store this chapter? Just see for yourself!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

Doctor Tarantulas, Chobin, and Paul sat on the floor, staring in annoyance at the Buneary ninja, whom was still suspended in the same heavy-duty restraints she had been locked into the last time we saw her. She was a complete wreck; bruises and grotesque scars covered most of her body, there were numerous sores and ugly blotches of color growing in places where large clumps of fur had fallen out, blood and pus were still slowly oozing from the latest wounds they had inflicted on her, most of her bones had probably been broken and reset several times, her red eyes were dull from lack of sleep and the constant pain that had wracked her form nonstop since they had started torturing her, and there were quite a lot of worrisome stitches making a patchwork of her body. The villains frowned at her, deep in thought.

"Vell," Tarantulas said with a sigh. "Zis vas fun at first, but now it's just gotten tedious and exasperating. I'm out of ideas. Vhat about you guys?"

"Oh, maybe we could-" Chobin started.

"Tried that," Paul grunted.

Chobin frowned. "Well, what if we-"

"That too," Paul said.

Chobin blinked, nonplussed. "Okay, but, perhaps-"

"We did that one several times. Didn't work," Paul said with a sigh.

Chobin frowned. "You cannot be meaning to be telling Chobin that we are all outing of the ideas of wholesome funtime torture of smiles and laughter and screaming of agony and lots and lots of buttsex?! How is that being the possibles?!"

"I've used every torture technique I was trained in, Tarantulas has run just about every experiment he could think of, and you raped her at least once an hour and ate a few of her organs and body parts. And one of her eyes," Paul said.

Chobin nodded. "It was being very yummylicious, with the oh-so-tasty squishy eyeball jelly that goes perfectly on Chobin's favorite sandwich with the mustard of doom, lettuce of suffering, tomatoes of tears, and cheese of cheesiness between two slices of plain wheat bread…of DEATH!"

"Stop it, you're making me hungry!" Tarantulas complained.

"We could eat some more of her," Paul suggested.

Tarantulas shook his head. "No, ve've done zat too much already. It didn't vork zen, it von't vork now. Besides, her flesh has been too tainted by poisons and drugs and diseases and everyzing else ve've injected into her to be appealing to anyone but Chobin. It's remarkable, really…vhile her body's been ravaged by everyzing ve've put into her, in ze end it only seems to make her stronger, like her immune system is actually adapting to every torture mezzod ve use on her so zat, vhile it still hurts a lot, every time ve try it again it has a much less diminished effect zan it did before, forcing me to use larger and larger doses to get any reaction out of her! I've never seen anyzing like zis before in anyone ozzer zan a Joy…or you, Paul! But she is not immortal. She has Sneasel DNA, but no ozzer foreign genomes in her blood. How can she be so resilient? Vhy has she refused to break despite everyzing ve've done to her?!"

"Because you are going about it the wrong way."

The trio of torturers started and whirled around to see Oblivion's Shadow looming over them. "Ack! Herr Shadow!" Tarantulas cried, quickly saluting.

"Yipe! H-How long were you behind us with the quiet stealthiness of a shadow on a pitch-black night in a lightless cave full of eyeless blind Pokemon who are deaf and cannot be seeing or hearing something even if it is right in their faces sticking its tongue out and waggling its fingers in its ears if it is actually having fingers?" Chobin asked.

Incredible…even I didn't know he was there. How does he do that? Paul wondered. "What do you mean we're going about it the wrong way?"

Tarantulas nodded. "Ja, ve've done just about every vay ve could zink of! Ve injected her viz dozens of incredibly painful poisons and drugs and viruses—many of my own devising, naturally—tried all ze conventional and modern techniques, exploited her pressure points, vhipped her, stretched her out, pulled out her nails, dismembered her, removed her organs, ate parts of her, grafted new parts onto her body, took zem off, regrew ze stolen pieces of her body inside of her, impregnated her, ripped out and fed ze fetus to her, killed her vomb, fixed her vomb, made her hallucinate, gave her nightmares, starved her, made her eat pieces of herself, wreaked havoc on her nervous system, burned her, froze her, fried her, baked her, cooked her, grilled her, melted her, electrified her, petrified her, beat her, drowned her, broke her bones, liqvuefied her bones, removed her bones, regrew her bones, infused zem viz metal, removed ze metal, peeled off all of her skin and sewed it back on, grew mushrooms and crystals on her, lobotomized her, put metal plates in her skull, took zem out and put different brain parts back in, took zem out and put ze originals in zeir place, put out her eyes, removed her eyes, regrew her eyes, mutilated her, changed her gender, changed it back, stopped and restarted her heart several times so she repeatedly crossed ze line between life and death, tortured her Psychically zanks to Miracle Eye, put my spider robots inside of her, um…vhat else…"

"Raped her a lot?" Chobin said happily, fondly reminiscing the dozens of times he had impaled his helpless victim on…um, you don't need to know that. It'll give you nightmares, if the previous paragraph didn't.

"Ja, zat too. So, vhat am I missing?" Tarantulas asked.

Oblivion's Shadow's cloak swished as he glided past them to look at the ninja, his mirror-mask filling with her reflection. She did not raise her head to look at him defiantly, she was too hurt and tired for that, but there was still a sense of rebellion emanating from her, a stubborn resolve that refused to give in no matter what. After a moment, the Shadow turned back to his minions. "You are going about zis ze wrong vay," he said, mirror reflecting Tarantulas. "Mere pain vill not be enough to break her."

"Mere?!" Tarantulas cried indignantly. "You call vhat ve did mere?!"

Chobin nodded. "Yes, Chobin has never tortured or raped anyone so hard before! It was lots of happy funtime at first…and still is…but now Chobin is getting the tiredness of sleep. I need a nap, curled up inside the squishy stomach of something I've just killed after gnawing my way into its chest. That is being the only way Chobin can get the sleep of sleepiness and counting of Mareep jumping over the fence and into the meat grinder properly. Otherwise I get good dreams."

"Why not?" Paul asked, ignoring Chobin's rambling.

"Because," the Shadow said, glancing meaningfully at Paul. "She is a ninja."

They stared at him blankly. "Er…so?" Tarantulas asked.

"Chobin is not the getting of the hanging it," Chobin complained. "And Chobin hangs lots of things, and likes to watch as their neck snaps and they twitch and convulse and finally die. Then I waits a few days for them to ripen properly, and cuts them down for the baking of cake! A cake which is a lie for it is not being cake at all, but…pie!"

"I'm a ninja, and I'm pretty sure I'd have gone insane days ago if all the things we did to her were done to me, even back when I was still immortal," Paul said. He paused, and then glared at Tarantulas. "Which isn't an invitation to try it on me, just so you know!"

"Ze zhought never crossed my mind," Tarantulas said innocently. Chobin snickered.

"There is a difference between you and her," Oblivion's Shadow told Paul. "She completed her training. You did not."

Paul bristled. "What?! I always outdid her at everything! She could never beat me!"

"She beat you in Mt. Battle and stripped you of your immortality," Oblivion's Shadow said harshly. "And while you were always better at her when you were learning together, you never completed your training. She did."

"I still don't see what that has to do with anything," Paul snapped. "The only reason I didn't finish my training is because I got locked up before I could take the graduation exam. What could possibly have happened to her as a result of finishing the exam that makes her better at withstanding this torture than I could?"

"Everything," Oblivion's Shadow said. "A true ninja does not fear death. They do not view their body as a possession, as something that is theirs, but as a tool and weapon to be used to complete their mission. The only thing that is truly theirs is their spirit, and they are taught to believe that no matter what happens to their body, no matter what trials or torture or suffering that body undergoes, it does not matter so long as their spirit remains intact. They believe their bodies, their very lives, to be disposable and ultimately irrelevant. That is why they are such excellent assassins: they do not care what might happen to them as a result of failure, so go into the most dangerous situations without fear, and since they view their own lives as expendable, have few qualms with risking theirs or ending the lives of others, since they see those lives as having the same value, or lack thereof. They try not to kill anyone aside from their target because most of the time those others have little to do with the deeds of whoever they are assigned to kill, therefore it would be morally wrong to involve them or get them hurt in the process of completing the mission. Additionally, it's…how do I put it…sloppy. Unprofessional. Unnecessary."

Paul frowned. "I know all that. I received the same training she did. What's your point?"

"My point," Oblivion's Shadow said. "Is that none of that applies to you. That is the reason she was able to withstand what you cannot."

Paul bristled. "What are you talking about?!"

"You do not see your body as an expendable tool. You do not view your life as disposable. You have no trouble with, and in fact enjoy killing bystanders and causing collateral damage," Oblivion's Shadow explained. "She is able to withstand what you cannot because she does not fear death…like you do."

"I am not afraid of death!" Paul protested.

"Then why did you become immortal?" Oblivion's Shadow asked. "Death is inevitable for a ninja. Immortality holds no allure for one who is not afraid to die. The fact that you chose to break the laws of your people and achieved immortality shows that for you, death—or at least, your death—is something to be avoided. Your rival embraced the philosophy of your people, and because she is not afraid to die, she has become a better ninja than you are. In completing her training, she distanced her mind to an extent from her body and the travails that ravage it, to the point where the suffering you have visited upon her is more an annoyance than true torture. Or rather, it hurts her quite a bit, but she does her best not to let it bother her. She strives to ignore it, other than to make note of how much you have damaged her, so that she may one day return the favor."

"Oooohhh…" Chobin said, impressed.

"Impossible…" Paul hissed, distraught. "How could she have surpassed me?! She can't be that much stronger than I am…"

"So, zat is ze secret of her resistance? Fascinating…" Tarantulas muttered. "But zen vhy has her body vizstood so much? If she zhought her spirit was more important zan her body, zen vhy is her body so strong?"

"Because vhile she views her body as a tool and ultimately disposable, it is an expensive tool and one zat needs maintenance and routine care to vork at optimal levels," Oblivion's Shadow explained. "As a result, she has trained her body to ze point vhere, at a certain level, it can take care of itself, so zat her mind can focus on ozzer matters and not need to expend as much effort on controlling ze body and dealing viz all its needs and complaints. As a result, she can go for a great deal of time vizout eating or sleeping, and can to a certain extent heal or at least grow stronger from vounds and poisons and diseases, assuming zey do not kill her vhen first applied. Because Paul became immortal and did not complete his training, he has not reached zis same state of semi-autonomy between mind and body or gained ze strength to survive ze vorst torments."

"Ah, so zat is how…remarkable!" Tarantulas remarked.

Chobin cackled and began to sing. "Haha! Paul's not as good at taking pain as a girl! Loser, loser, loser loser lo-"

A claw shot out, punching through Chobin's face and out the other side, killing the Sunflora. Again. Tarantulas sighed as Paul withdrew his claw and Chobin's corpse collapsed to the ground. "Vell, zere goes Chobin v. 39.0. Time to roll out v. 40…Herr Shadow, I understand now how she has survived all ze physical torture…but how has her vill not broken yet? Ve have done quite a lot of psychological torture, too."

"As I explained before, ninjas are trained to see zeir spirit as ze most fundamental and undying part of zem," Oblivion's Shadow informed him. "Zeir bodies may vizer and die, but ze spirit is eternal. As such, zey have trained zemselves to keep zeir vills as close to unbreakable as is Pokemonly possible. Zat does not mean zey cannot be broken, just zat it is very, very hard to do so. You have come closer to shattering her mind zan you zink, but she has managed to keep her sanity by focusing on how she vill make you pay for ze zings you have done to her vhen she eventually breaks free, and constantly reminding herself of her reason for living…her desire to kill Paul, a zirst for vengeance so strong it cannot be svayed or redirected. She vill not let it."

"So zat's it…ha, she really hates you, doesn't she, Paul?" Tarantulas observed.

"She thinks her spirit is eternal and untouchable, does she?" Paul snarled. "Then maybe we should kill her and put her soul in one of the Doctor's machines. Then maybe she'll see how fragile and worthless her 'undying spirit' really is."

Although she did not show any outward sign of hearing this, the Buneary's psyche, rather scarred but still intact, reeled in alarm when it heard this. They could capture her soul?! Not even death's embrace would grant her freedom?! Not that she had assumed death would truly free her from this plane, she had believed her hatred so strong it would allow her to manifest as a spirit of vengeance and continue pursuing Paul from beyond the grave, but the revelation that they could keep even this from happening and find a way to cage and torture her soul forever shocked her to the core. If that happened, her mission would never be fulfilled. And if that were the case, if there were no way to have her revenge, how much longer would she be able to last before they finally broke her?

Fortunately, Oblivion's Shadow did not seem interested by Paul's suggestion. "Kill her? No, she is too powerful and valuable. We can still use her."

"How can ve do zat if ve can't even turn her into a Shadow Pokemon, zough?!" Tarantulas protested. "She vill not join us of her free vill, and she vill not be broken. I've pumped vhat feels like gallons of Shadow into her veins, but it von't do anyzing if ve cannot force or convince her to close ze door to her heart!"

"…Vat if I told you zere vas anozzer vay to close zat door?" Oblivion's Shadow said.

Tarantulas started. "Anozzer vay? Vat? Vat are you talking about?"

"I thought there were only two ways to do it. They either do it willingly, or you torture them until they break," Paul said.

"There is more than one way to break someone." Oblivion's Shadow looked at Tarantulas. "Tarantulas, tell me, have you ever heard of ze Anti-Life Equation?"

Tarantulas blinked. "Ze…ze Anti-Life Equation?! It's real?!"

"The what now?" asked a confused Paul.

"Ze Anti-Life Equation is supposed to be mazzematical proof of ze futility of living," Tarantulas whispered reverently. "Ze Dark Ones, ze inventors of ze Shadow Pokemon process, are said to have discovered it and vere able to utilize it to close ze doors to ze hearts of countless Pokemon, turning zem into mindless monsters who killed everyzing and everyone in sight!"

Paul frowned. "How is that any different from the Shadow Pokemon we get through torture? They're uncontrollable killing machines too, which is why we don't use them much in the field, or at least not alongside more rational Shadow Pokemon. And how does some equation close the door to a Pokemon's heart?"

"Despair," Oblivion's Shadow said. "As Tarantulas said, the equation is supposed to prove that life is pointless and suffering is all that comes from it. Anyone who hears the equation cannot help but realize this truth, and is so overwhelmed with sorrow at the meaninglessness of existence that they devolve into a mindless nihilistic state where they seek to kill everything, including themselves. After all, if life is meaningless, what reason is there for anyone else to have it?"

Paul blinked. "That must be some equation to do all that."

"I've searched for it for years…supposedly, simply speaking ze equation to a Pokemon could instantly transform zem into a Shadow Pokemon, and it vas virtually impossible to purify zat Pokemon, even for ze most skilled of Aura Guardians! I had almost begun to zink it vas just a rumor…but Herr Shadow, you knew it all along? Vhy did you not tell me?!" Tarantulas demanded.

"Because you cannot handle it," Oblivion's Shadow explained. "As you yourself just said, simply speaking it can turn anyone vizin earshot into a Shadow Pokemon. Even ze Dark Ones had trouble utilizing it effectively vizout being destroyed by it. Ze only person who could use it safely is one for whom life already had no meaning. Someone who had lost everyzing zey once valued, and passed over ze 'despair event horizon' long ago, who continued existing only to make everyone's lives as painful and pointless as zeir own. Someone…like me."

Paul and Tarantulas stared at Oblivion's Shadow in confusion. "Uh, what are you talking about?" Paul asked slowly.

"Vhat have you lost?" Tarantulas asked, vaguely recalling Oblivion's Shadow implying some tragedy in his past when he had destroyed Chobin's cloning machines after the mission to the Tree of Beginning. The Shadow's origins and reasons for founding the Nihilators was a mystery to everyone. Could this have something to do with why he sought so strongly to end all that existed?

"Zat is none of your concern. Tarantulas, you cannot comprehend ze Equation because you still cling so tightly to Chobin. Ze fact zat you have rigged up a complex cloning system to resurrect him every time he dies indicates just how much you cherish his friendship…and also shows zat if you vere to lose him forever, you vould be completely devastated. On ze ozzer hand, you vould also be able to learn ze Equation. So, tell me, Tarantulas…just how badly do you vant to know it?" Oblivion's Shadow asked.

Tarantulas paled. "I…I z-zink I can vait a little longer to know zis secret. I-I mean, I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later, right? I am a genius, after all."

Paul frowned, disturbed by the Doctor's behavior. He had never seen Tarantulas turn down a chance to learn something new before. He must really care about Chobin…how pathetic. Paul made a note to find a way to exploit that in the future. "If you have a power that can turn anyone into a Shadow Pokemon just like that, then why is Tarantulas in charge of manufacturing Shadows? Why bother with a middlemon?"

"Why you-" Tarantulas snarled.

"Because, as I said, the Anti-Life Equation turns Pokemon into uncontrollable berserkers, incapable of reason or planning, just like Shadow Pokemon created through torture," Oblivon's Shadow explained. "And while unstoppable killing machines like that have their uses, an entire army comprised of them would be unable to follow orders, and would ultimately destroy itself. By producing the Shadow drug to use to add Shadow Pokemon to our ranks, Tarantulas is able to generate soldiers that can follow orders and are capable of rational thought while still harboring an unquenchable bloodlust and desire to kill. An army of Pokemon like that is more effective in the long run."

"Ah, I see," Paul said.

"However, one suicidal berserker in ze right place can do ze job of a dozen regular soldiers…vhich is vhy ve are going to change ze Buneary into a Shadow Pokemon, to turn her great power and incredible hatred against Team Aurabolt!" Tarantulas cackled evilly. "And best of all, even if zey can defeat her, zey vill be unable to purify her due to her being changed by ze Anti-Life Equation. Zey vill have no choice but to kill her to put her out of her misery, somezing zat vill veigh heavily on zeir consciences and make it easier to destroy zem!" The Buneary tensed, not liking the sound of this. She was not afraid of dying, but she didn't want to kill that Rescue Team, or for them to feel bad for killing her. There had to be a way around this. There was no way this equation could be that powerful, could it? Every weapon, no matter how deadly, had a weakness, didn't it?

"Not necessarily," Oblivion's Shadow corrected, inadvertently raising the ninja's hopes. "Zere is one vay to purify such a Pokemon. Ze Life Equation."

Tarantulas scowled. "Vhat, zat exists too?!"

"The Life Equation?" Paul asked.

"Like matter and antimatter, where there is a positive, there is a negative, and vice versa. The Life Equation is the Anti-Life Equation's opposite and antithesis. Or rather, the Anti-Life Equation is the antithesis of the Life Equation, depending on how you look at it. While Anti-Life is mathematical proof of the futility of life, the Life Equation is proof that life is worth living," Oblivion's Shadow explained.

Paul frowned. "What? But I thought…I don't understand, how can there be proof of both ways? They can't both be right!"

Oblivion's Shadow shook his head. "Wrong. The worth of a life depends on the person living it. To those like us, we Nihilators who seek to destroy everything, life is pointless, and the Anti-Life Equation justifies it. But to those with bright hopes and futures who have the power to change the world, those like the Pokemon in Team Aurabolt, life has meaning and promise, and so the Life Equation validates their beliefs. Like most things, it's all a matter of perspective."

"Since ze Life Equation and Anti-Life Equation are opposites, zey cannot exist in ze same person at ze same time," Tarantulas said. "So if Herr Shadow turns ze ninja into a Shadow Pokemon using Anti-Life, if Team Aurabolt vere to use ze Life Equation on her ze two vould cancel each ozzer out and she vould turn back to normal. However…much like its negative counterpart, ze Life Equation has been lost to history, so it is doubtful zat zey know it. And even if zey did, only a truly skilled and powerful user of Aura could utilize ze Life Equation's power properly." He smirked. "Zat Lucario Herr Shadow is so interested in is just a neophyte vet behind ze ears, zhough. I doubt he has ze skill and intellect to master ze Equation."

"Do not be so certain. Zat 'neophyte' is stronger zan you zink. He might surprise you," Oblivion's Shadow warned him.

Paul sighed. "So, to sum things up, we have a way to turn my old 'friend' here into an insane unstoppable killing machine to use against those stupid Pokemon who keep interfering with our plans, but there's a way to stop it after all and a slim chance that they might be able to use it to cure her, which would render the whole exercise pointless. Why are we considering this again?"

"Because, even if they could purify her, that doesn't mean she can't still be used against them…especially after we detonate the bomb inside her to kill her and her saviors just when all of them think the danger has passed," Oblivon's Shadow said. The Buneary's eyes widened in horror.

"Er, vhat bomb?" Tarantulas asked in confusion.

"Ze bomb zat you are going to implant in her, Herr Doctor," the Shadow said.

Tarantulas blinked. "Oh…OH. Zat bomb." He cackled and rubbed his front legs together. "Yes, yes of course…ooh, if only I could see ze look on zeir faces ven ze bomb blows zem all up just after zey zink zey've saved her! Gahahahahaha!"

Paul grinned. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Let's do it, then. Let's see just how powerful this equation thing is."

"An excellent idea! I'll just vatch from behind zis impenetrable shield," Tarantulas said, having retreated to a force-field bubble several meters away.

"What the…hey! Don't leave me out here!" Paul said in alarm. "She hates me most of all, I'll be the first thing she tries to kill!"

Tarantulas nodded. "Ja, zat's ze idea."

Paul growled angrily. "You cowardly ironshod bug! You'll need to replace more parts of your body with metal when I'm through with you!"

Tarantulas giggled. "You might be ze one in need of spare parts, Paul, once she's zhrough viz you!"

The Buneary started struggling anew against her bonds, ignoring her body's screams of fatigue and agony. She didn't care if she ripped all four limbs off in the process, she could not remain here. She had to escape. She could not allow herself to be used in this way to kill people! Unfortunately, her restraints had been built too well, which was why she had not escaped days ago and left a bloody swath in her wake as she fled the fortress. Terror and despair welled up in her, her training to suppress such distractions forgotten as the horrifying mirror-faced demon in black turned towards her, bent over, and whispered something in her ear.

Knowing this was coming, she had steeled herself and strengthened her resolve. She had clad her will in iron and raised every mental defense she had, every fortification she had been taught how to construct—or invented herself—to safeguard her spirit, everything that had allowed her to keep her sanity despite all the tortures the hated Paul and his companions had inflicted on her.

It was not enough. The formula Oblivion's Shadow whispered to her smashed through the fortress of her mind like a metal-piercing Bullet Seed, striking the core of her innermost self with an impact so hard that it almost stopped her heart, especially when the full implications of what it brought with it rippled throughout her weary soul. No…no! It couldn't be. What he said couldn't be true! It was too horrible, it went against everything she had ever been taught, it had to be a lie, and yet…and yet…

It made sense. It made far too much sense. Everything she had ever done, everything she had experienced, her entire life was suddenly laid out before her in a new, harsher light. A darker light. And it was with a sinking feeling that she came to realize the awful truth. Life, hope, freedom…it was irrelevant. Pointless. Nothing mattered. All ideals and goals were constructs people used to distract themselves from the meaningless and sheer agony of existence. Life was nothing but a cruel joke of the gods, with everyone born in pain and dying alone in sorrow. Everything was nothing. Nothing was everything.

The brave ninja fell into despair…and darkness enveloped her heart. With a silent scream, the machine holding her in place shattered as a tremendous burst of Shadow Aura engulfed her, wreathing her form in purple-black flames. Paul flinched. "Whoa!"

"Incredible…her power is off ze charts! She's even stronger zen I had hoped! Bwahahahaha!" Tarantulas cackled gleefully. "I zink I vill call her…Pokemon XDra!"

"XDra?" Paul asked.

"Ja, since I can't zink of a good number," Tarantulas said. The Weavile sweatdropped.

The Buneary's red eyes glowed as the Shadow flames roared around her, the various wounds and scars she had received over the last week mending themselves. She spread her arms out to either side and grunted as black ice began to form on her skin. A pair of plaques with curved blades formed on her shoulders. Gauntlets with three curved blades each formed around her wrists, and a pair of long, very sharp ice spikes grew over the knuckles of her left paw. Ice plates covered the fleece on the lower half of her body and ice boots with three curved blades each on the greaves formed on her feet. An ice helmet formed of layered plates with a trident-shaped ornament on the forehead and holes for her ears formed over her head, a pair of ice plates snapping into place over her face and hiding all of it except for her glowing red eyes. Paul started when he recognized the armor. "No…that's…the Slicer's armor! How did she…"

His voice cut off when the armored ninja turned her eyes towards her. Her crimson orbs flashed and her Shadow Aura surged, causing the lab to tremble, and she dashed towards the Weavile, drawing back her left arm to gouge his eyes out with the spikes growing over her hand. Paul tensed and raised his claws, ready to defend himself…

And needn't have bothered, as an energy bubble popped into existence around the ninja, trapping her. She slammed into the side of it and clawed furiously, eyes and Aura flaring as she scratched and slashed wildly at the membrane, trying to break out and kill her adversary. "Impressive…" Tarantulas murmured as he tentatively left his force-field shelter. "It seems as if even now zat she is a Shadow Pokemon, her hatred for you is so ingrained zat you are ze first zing she seeks to kill. She doesn't even seem to notice zat Herr Shadow or I are here..."

"Will that hold her?" Paul asked Oblivion's Shadow, who had created the bubble.

The Shadow nodded. "Her power is great, but mine is greater. She will not struggle for much longer, I didn't bother to include much air in there, she'll wear herself out soon enough." Indeed, as they watched, the ninja's frenzied clawing seemed to slow, a dazed look forming in her eyes as she used up all the oxygen in her prison. She staggered, Aura flickering wildly, and eventually fell unconscious. The bubble paled slightly as the Shadow let air into it, but the armored ninja was still out cold. "Doctor, you will need to use extra-strength sedatives and restraints to implant that bomb into her and keep her secure until we can transport her to wherever Team Aurabolt is now."

"Will she even fight them? Like Tarantulas said, she only seems to have eyes for me," Paul pointed out.

Tarantulas chuckled. "Zat vill not be a problem. I know vays to get around zat. If she vants to kill you, zen zat's exactly vhat ve'll give her…or at least, vhat she'll zink ve're giving her." He frowned. "Of course, now ve actually have to find zem, vhich is a bit of a problem since zat map of zeirs keeps us from tracking zem zhrough magical means. And I doubt she's sane enough to track zem in her current condition, so how vill ve…hmm? Vat's zis? I'm getting a call."

His mechanical eye telescoped out and projected a hologram of a Luxio in Nihilator gear. The Spark Pokemon saluted. "Doctor Tarantulas, sir! Is Oblivion's Shadow still in your lab? I have urgent news to tell him!"

"I am here," Oblivion's Shadow said as he glided into view, mask taking on the face and voice of the Luxio. "What is your report?"

The Luxio saluted again. "Lord Shadow, sir, our maritime agents stationed in the waters off the coast of Sinnorre have informed us that the hostile codenamed 'The Captain' is sailing on a direct course for Treasure Town!"

Tarantulas and Paul started when they heard this. Oblivion's Shadow, as always, showed no reaction. "Ze Captain?! He's heading for Treasure Town?!" Tarantulas cried.

"We still haven't gotten rid of that guy?" Paul growled.

"Does he know we have operations there?" Oblivion's Shadow asked.

"Unknown, sir. We don't know if he's come to attack our forces in the town, or if he's just coming in to resupply his vessel for a raid somewhere else," the Luxio informed him. "Shall we alert our troops in Treasure Town and set up an ambush?"

"Vhat are you, crazy? He'll massacre zem! He's single-handedly destroyed dozens of our bases and hindered our global operations for years! Hell, he's even beaten Paul, vhat chance do you expendables have?!" Tarantulas shouted.

"He didn't beat me," Paul snarled.

"He fought you to a standstill and got avay viz his life, sounds like he beat you to me," Tarantulas said. Paul's eye twitched.

"Sir? What should I tell our forces in Treasure Town to do about the Captain?" the Luxio asked the Shadow.

"Tell them to hold position for now. I will deliver more direct orders shortly," the Shadow told him.

"Yes sir." The hologram vanished.

"Vell? Vhat are ve going to do about him? Ze Captain is bad news for us! If he discovers vhat ve've been up to in Treasure Town, our plans to open ze Door could be jeopardized!" Tarantulas said to Oblivion's Shadow.

"An idea occurs to me." Oblivion's Shadow glanced at the unconscious Buneary floating beside him. "An opportunity to test our latest weapon."

Paul grinned, showing his fangs. "So you're going to sic her on the Captain as a warm-up for Team Aurabolt? An excellent idea. If she can take him down, that worthless Rescue Team shouldn't pose much of a problem."

"Yes, but ve still need to find zem," Tarantulas pointed out.

"Zat may be easier zan you zink," Oblivion's Shadow said. "Ze first time ve encountered Team Aurabolt, zey vere rescuing Tracey Sketchit from our forces, and soon after ventured into ze catacombs under Treasure Town to find Professor Oak before ve could. It vould not be much of a stretch of ze imagination to say zat zey probably keep in touch viz ze Professor and his assistant for information on ze Star Badges and ze Door. Alzough Oak and Sketchit have yet to be located, ve are fairly certain zey are still somevhere near Treasure Town, so if ve find zem…"

"Zen zey can lead us to Team Aurabolt? Ze problem, Herr Shadow, is zat zen ve vould need to find…my old colleague," Tarantulas said with some distaste. "Who has so far managed to elude all efforts to find him, annoyingly enough."

"Zen perhaps it's time ve called in a professional. Do you suppose Hunter J could do ze job?" Oblivion's Shadow asked.

"Hunter J?! Zat mercenary bitch?! Ve can't trust her viz somezing as important as zis!" Tarantulas protested.

"But you could trust her to capture the legendary Pokemon that some of our best agents were unable to catch, you included?" Paul asked bluntly. Tarantulas growled.

"J has as many ties, if not more, to ze criminal element as us," Oblivion's Shadow said to Tarantulas. "And a superb talent at finding Pokemon who do not vant to be found. If anyone can locate Oak, it is her. And once she finds him…she vill find Team Aurabolt. And if Team Aurabolt should already happen to be in Treasure Town for vhatever reason, perhaps to check up on ze Professor or make preparations to set out and find ze next Star Badge, zen it'll be just zat much easier for J to find zem."

Paul frowned, a thought occurring to him. "If they're already in town…do you suppose they might try to hook up with the Captain? If they find out about him, they'll realize he would be a powerful ally to have on their side. If he deigned to join them, they would be even harder for us to defeat than they are now."

Tarantulas snorted. "Oh, come on! Oak, ze Captain, and Team Aurabolt all in town at ze same time as ve are testing our newest Shadow Pokemon and sending Hunter J's crew to find zem all? Vhat are ze odds of zat happening? It's a bit too unlikely, don't you zink?"

"It may not be as unlikely as you zink…and it certainly vould be convenient for us if ve could get all of zem in one fell svoop," the Shadow said. He nodded, making a decision. "Here is vhat ve will do. Ve vill dispatch J to Treasure Town to intercept ze Captain and unleash our friend here, whom zey vill be carrying as cargo, on him. Zey vill zen recapture ze ninja, find Professor Oak and Tracey, and extract ze location of Team Aurabolt from zem by any means necessary. Zey vill zen hunt down Aurabolt and unleash zeir deadly cargo once again, and even if Aurabolt manages to defeat her and live, it is doubtful zey vill be in any condition afterwards to keep J from finishing zem off. And if, for vhatever reason, Team Aurabolt turns out to already be in town, no matter how unlikely it might seem…zat vill just make J's job zat much easier, and it also means ve von't have to pay her as much, since she bills by ze hour."

"Hmm…vell, all right, I suppose it couldn't hurt," Tarantulas said grudgingly. Who knew? If he was lucky, Pokemon XDra might wind up killing J and her henchmon as well. It wasn't that he was ungrateful that she had managed to procure the legendary Pokemon for the Nihilators or anything like that, but he couldn't help feeling somewhat resentful that she had succeeded many times where he himself had failed. That sort of thing got to a guy. Besides, he was good at disliking people for petty reasons, much like his assistant, although Chobin took it to higher extremes than he usually did.

"And once she's served her purpose…may I kill her?" Paul asked.

Oblivion's Shadow shrugged. "If you believe you can."

"I have to. She and I have a score to settle." The Weavile narrowed his eyes at the unconscious armored ninja. "I've been looking forward to it for a long time now, just as much as she has. It would be a pity not to see our grudge through to its end."

"Then you will have your chance to resolve the past you share once and for all…after she has fulfilled her mission," the Shadow said. "And after Team Aurabolt and the Captain are no longer a threat to us. And to make sure all goes smoothly…I will accompany J and Pokemon XDra to take care of things personally."

Paul and Tarantulas exchanged startled looks. "You're going too?" the Weavile asked.

"But…I zought you couldn't set foot zere," said the confused Tarantulas.

"I can't," the Shadow agreed. He grunted, and suddenly Shadow Aura roared to life around him, a tower of dark flames even greater in magnitude than those the ninja had managed to generate. As Paul and Tarantulas flinched back from the sheer power rippling off Oblivion's Shadow in tremendous waves, a portion of the fire separated from the main body and landed before the Shadow, growing and solidifying to form…

An exact replica of Oblivion's Shadow himself. "But I can," the replica said as the true Shadow's Aura died down.

"Vow," said an awestruck Tarantulas.

"Ah," Paul said. "Isn't that overkill? You, her, and J all at once?"

"Vell, you know vat zey say," Tarantulas said wisely. "Ze more ze merrier…and zere's no kill like overkill!"

…

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Nihilator fortress…

Who is 'The Captain?' Gardevoir asked, rather perplexed. The secret network shared by the rebel movement working against the Nihilators had been buzzing for the last few minutes with news that this enigmatic mon had been spotted heading for Treasure Town.

He's this really tough guy that even most of the higher-ups are afraid of, Lovrina informed her. He's pretty much unstoppable! And has an awesome mustache.

He's been Houndooming the Nihilators for years, and despite their best attempts to kill him, he just keeps coming back for more, a janitor mopping the floor in some distant hallway explained.

He's destroyed dozens of Nihilator bases around the world, and killed hundreds of their strongest Shadow Pokemon soldiers, said a guard allegedly monitoring the security feed from Gardevoir's cell.

They say he swore an oath of vengeance against the entire organization because of the death of his wife, and won't rest until the Nihilators have been, well, annihilated, commented a cook heaping slop onto trays in one of the cafeterias.

The Nihilators killed his wife? Gardevoir asked, feeling a pang of sympathy.

The Nihilators have killed the wives of many Pokemon, another prisoner recovering from his latest round of torture thought bitterly. Including mine.

But the Captain's one of the few Pokemon who's set out to do anything about it, Lovrina, clearly a fan of the Pokemon in question, said devotedly. He sails around the world in his mighty ship, destroying any Nihilator that crosses his path. He's seeking the individual responsible for killing his wife, but hasn't found him yet. He's still looking, though. It's very romantic, don't you think?

Yeah, it is, Gardevoir agreed.

I wish there were someone so in love with me that, after I died, they would go out and kill the people responsible, Lovrina said wistfully.

Were this a regular conversation, there would be an awkward pause. However, since everyone in the network was connected by their hearts, it was impossible to keep secrets from each other, so everyone's (completely understandable) disturbed reactions to Lovrina's somewhat worrisome comment could be heard by everybody else, including Lovrina. She did not appear to notice. Or rather, she did notice, but she didn't particularly care, she was aware that she was rather weird. Gardevoir, there are a lot of males in your life. We've seen them in your memories, and what you think of them. How many of them would go on a love-fueled orgy of destruction if the Nihilators killed you?

Not if, when, the recently-tortured prisoner said morosely. Since killing her is part of their master plan to destroy the world.

She'll get saved before that happens! Lovrina snapped. So, anyway, which of your guy friends do you think would swear an oath of vengeance if you died? That Ash cutie?

Ash? No, while he'd be angry and certainly make the Nihilators pay, he's in love with Misty. Everyone knows that. Except Ash and Misty, of course. Gardevoir hesitated. I…suppose there is still no definite news as to whether she is alive or not…

If there were, you would know it as soon as we did, the security guard said.

Considering how long it's been since she was taken to Tarantulas, you might be better off hoping she was dead. Because if she were still alive in that place… the cook trailed off, but too late to keep the incredibly vivid imaginings of some of the horrific experiments the Doctor was most infamous for from flashing through their minds. They shuddered.

Even I'm better off than the poor saps the Doctor gets his mandibles into, the prisoner said. All I have to deal with is beatings, brandings, ass-rape, and lousy food. That's paradise compared to the Doctor's victims…especially the one his creepy assistant gets his leaves and, er, other things into… More horrible images flashed through their minds. Not for the first time, it occurred to all of them that it might be a good thing that they didn't have any contacts inside the Doctor's lair. Since they couldn't help sharing everything that happened to them with everyone else on the network, how much of the experiences the Doctor's subjects suffered could they take before they all went insane?

So, anyway, Lovrina chirped, happily changing the subject. How about Gary? He has a sort of dark antihero vibe to him that suggests he wouldn't mind busting a few heads, even if he is kind of a doofus. Plus, you guys do have quite a history.

Er, no, Mary's in love with Gary. Not that he notices, Gardevoir said, relieved by her friend's redirection of the conversation. That seems to be a common trait among many of my friends, actually. I wonder why…

Uh, weren't we talking about the Captain? How did we get into a discussion of Gardevoir's love life? Asked the janitor.

Well, it started when- Lovrina began.

That was a rhetorical question, the janitor said.

This Captain sounds like a useful ally…why have we not recruited him? Gardevoir asked. I thought that we had at least a few agents outside this place. Why not him as well?

She received the answer instantaneously. The Captain was the sort of Pokemon who attacked first and asked questions later. In fact, he didn't even need to ask questions since he was Psychic, and constantly read the minds of those around him rather than obeying the social niceties of privacy most other Psychics obeyed. As a result, no member of the network had been able to approach him without getting attacked and/or killed. You would think he'd be able to read their minds and realize they weren't a threat, but for the same reason Oblivion's Shadow and the other Nihilators were unaware of the rebellion growing right under their feet, so too was the Captain incapable of knowing that not all the Nihilators coming at him were evil without somebody telling him first, which, as previously pointed out, was easier said than done. There may be other ways we can gain his assistance aside from adding him to our network, the Teacher said, finally speaking up. He is heading for Treasure Town. Gardevoir's latest attempt to make contact with Team Aurabolt, though as unsuccessful as all the previous ones, gave her the impression that they were heading for Treasure Town as well. Gardevoir, if you could get through to them and inform them about the Captain…

But Teacher, I'm still not strong enough. I'm barely getting through at all! I'm not even certain if the mind I've been able to communicate with has even comprehended what little information I've been able to impart so far! Not to mention there may be something else lurking within that mind… Gardevoir said anxiously.

Nevertheless, you must make the attempt to at least imply that the Captain is someone they should form an alliance with. Since they are opposing the Nihilators as well, a union between them would create a force our captors would tremble before, bringing our freedom that much closer, the Teacher said. I know you doubt yourself, but you are improving, Gardevoir. It will not be much longer now before you can create a more direct link with them and give them all the information we have gathered so they can use it to bring the Nihilators to their knees! the Teacher said.

Gardevoir sighed as the rest of the network gave her encouragements, giving in. Very well. I will do my best. I suppose it is time for my next session, then?

Yes, the Teacher said as the door to Gardevoir's prison opened and the Kecleon entered the room. It is.

"Are you ready?" the Kecleon asked.

Gardevoir rose to her feet. "Yes. Let's do this again."

The Kecleon nodded and lunged at her with Faint Attack. It was a direct hit.

…

Meanwhile, in the skies above Howling Forest…

"Kerraaahhhh! Kill them! Destroy their ship! Knock them out of the sky!" an overzealous Swellow shrieked. "Those without wings have no place in the air!"

"Ahem," a Dodrio floating next to the Swellow coughed.

The bird amended his statement. "Er, those who don't have wings and aren't Flying types, that is!"

"How did you get up here, anyway?" a Swablu asked the Dodrio.

"It's something we try not to think about," one of the Dodrio's heads responded.

"I'm scared of heights!" another head wailed.

Redwing's flock of barbarians, an airborne army of bird Pokemon numbering in the hundreds, was swarming around a flying machine that had dared to enter their airspace. The vessel resembled a large Espanish galleon, but rather than having masts and sails its hull was hanging from the underside of a big rigid metal envelope with tanks containing lighter-than-air gas lining the exterior that allowed it to float through the air. It also had a number of engines mounted on the rear and sides of the envelope and gondola to propel it from place to place. The name Espada was painted on the side of the envelope, a fitting name since the galleon-shaped gondola's prow looked like a giant sword. This sword was actually swinging about on a very flexible ball hinge so that it could slice at any nearby birds from a number of angles. This, along with the laser and rocket cannons placed in the galleon's deck and gunports and the ranged attacks fired by the passengers, served as the airship's primary means of defending itself.

And who were these passengers, might you ask? Didn't the ship's name make it obvious? "Get away from my ship, you wretched winged bichos!" Zoro cried indignantly, swinging his sword and unleashing a Vacuum-Cut blade at the groups of Staravia and Wingull flying around him, the energy blade bisecting many and cutting off the wings of others, sending them plummeting to their deaths. "I will not allow you to set a single talon on board my beloved Espada!" the swashbuckling Meowth roared as more birds swooped down to attack.

"You realize that phrase could easily be taken the wrong way, don't you?" Wes commented, flinging Swift stars at the Spearows and Pidgeottos harrowing him. They blew the stars away by flapping their wings and generating Gusts, then flung Swift of their own at him. The Espeon used Double-Team to evade the stars, then swept a Hyper Beam through the air above him, blasting the birds away.

"I don't follow," Zoro said, releasing a Thunderbolt that fricasseed the next wave of Swellows and Starlies to come at him.

"Eh, never mind. Hey, look over there!" Wes cried, spotting something. "They're trying to rupture the gas tanks while this cannon fodder distracts us!" He was right, some Fearow and Doduo were working at the gas canisters lining the exterior of the airship's envelope with Drill Peck, trying to empty the canisters of their contents so that the vessel could no longer remain in the air.

Zoro scowled. "This I cannot abide! Come! Let us show those feathered banditos what happens to those who try and destroy that which is Zoro's!" He and Wes started running for the long-beaked birds. They were able to do this because they were standing on top of the airship's envelope, using magnetic shoes and guide ropes to stay anchored to the hull without needing to worry about getting blown off by the wind gusting all around them.

They were intercepted by some Farfetch'd and Murkrow, who flung Air Slashes and Shadow Balls at them. Zoro generated a Vacuum Cut with his sword to dissipate the Air Slashes, while Wes telekinetically grabbed the Shadow Balls and flung them back at the Murkrow, blasting them out of the sky while Zoro cut the Farfetch'd down to size with his blade, easily shattering their leek weapons with his much stronger metal one. "They'll need to try harder than that if they're going to stop us!" Wes quipped.

"Si, I doubt they have ever fought opponents of our caliber!" Zoro agreed.

They hurried towards the nearest gas canisters, firing Thunderbolts and Shadow Balls to send the saboteurs flying. They had arrived in time to keep most of the tanks from getting damaged too badly, but several had been pierced by the bird's Drill Pecks, and gas was leaking from them at an alarming rate. The envelope shuddered under their feet, and their ears popped as the ship began slowly losing altitude. "Is there nothing you can do?" Zoro asked Wes worriedly.

"What do I look like, a repairmon? I'm a fighter, not a mechanic!" Wes said.

Zoro growled in exasperation…then gasped, spotting a Skarmory sailing towards them. "Looks like someone's coming to finish the job! Away with you, buzzard!"

"Zoro, wait, that's-" Wes protested, too late to keep Zoro from firing a Thunderbolt.

The bolt struck a direct hit, nearly knocking the wailing bird out of the air. "Haha! That'll show them…wait, why does the mustache on that bird look familiar?" Zoro paused. "Oh. I think I have made a mistake."

"Yeah, you think?" Wes said sardonically.

"What the hell was that for?! I'm on your side, remember?!" a sparking Gonzap snapped as he hovered over them.

"Mis apologias. From a distance, you look just like all the other Skarmories," Zoro apologized humbly.

Gonzap snorted. "As if! I'm much handsomer…and none of them have my distinctive mustache! I think you need to get your eyes checked, furball, before you run a friend through with that Grumpigsticker of yours rather than the Pokemon trying to kill you!"

Zoro growled. Wes intervened before a fight could break out. "Gonzap, is there something you came to tell us about?"

"Yeah, while you two are wasting time over here, there's a bunch of other creeps trying to break into the gas tanks on the other side of this thing! I'd handle it myself, but I've got my talons full trying to keep the real heavy hitters off your backs." A Honchkrow dove towards him from behind, trying to cut him down with a Wing Attack, but Gonzap shifted to the side and raised a Steel Wing without even looking, his stronger bladed metal feathers easily slicing through the Big Boss Pokemon's red and black pinions, causing the Dark bird to lose his wing, carome off the surface of the envelope, and slide off the side and to his death. The Skarmory kept talking as if the attack had never happened. "These are pretty unfriendly skies up here…I'm starting to wonder if we should have stayed in Battlus. Maybe living in a winter resort wouldn't have been such a bad thing after all…I've always wanted to learn how to ice-skate!"

"It's a bit late for regrets now, Senor Gonzap," Zoro said.

"Retreat isn't an option, so our only choices are win or crash," Wes said. "Kinda like the old days, huh?"

"Yeah, the ones I thought we'd left behind," Gonzap grumbled. He frowned, noticing a rather large group of Pidgeot and Staraptor gliding towards them. "I'd better take care of those punks. You two get over to the other gas canisters now before this thing falls out from under your feet!" He spread his wings and flew off to engage the avian foes.

"'Keeping the heavy hitters off our backs?' We could take care of those feathered demonios on our own," Zoro commented.

Wes nodded. "Yeah, but we might as well let him think he's doing something important. Come on, I don't particularly relish the idea of a crash-landing."

"Neither do I! My padre would kill me if I let the Espada die, it's been in the family for generations!" Zoro said.

"I thought your father was dead," Wes said.

"He is, but he came back as a Ghost. He wanted to be Zoro again, but I told him that since he was undead now and no longer a gato he couldn't have the job. He's rather resentful about the whole thing," Zoro said. Wes sweatdropped.

While Wes, Gonzap, and Zoro defended the upper part of the airship, the rest of the crew took care of the main gondola. "You want a piece of this? Huh? You want to mess with the Ruinator?! Get a load of this!" Rui, who was monning the guns, Murkrowed as she fired salvo after salvo at the attacking birds, blasting about half a dozen out of the sky with every shot. "Yeah! Take that! Who else wants some?!"

Rosa, who was steering the ship because this was too dangerous a situation for autopilot and because she was the only Pokemon on the lower deck with something resembling hands, sweatdropped. "That senorita is very bipolar…outside of battle, she is the sweetest flower you can find, but in combat…hohoho! Well, I suppose every rose has its thorns, si? I know from experience…" She frowned as she checked the radar screen, noticing a rather large cluster of birds was approaching them from both sides in a pincer formation. "Rui, we have more incoming."

"Bring 'em on!" Rui said eagerly.

"Mi amigo, you might want to ease up a little, you don't want to run out of ammunition," Rosa warned the bloodthirsty Umbreon.

"What, and risk letting one of those flying rats through and possibly hurt Wes or the others? No way!" Rui said firmly.

"There is more than one way to handle a pack of slavering mons…you might want to try that pink button on your right," Rosa suggested.

Rui frowned, noticing the pink button on the weapons console she was operating. It had a big heart on it. "Hmm? What does this button do?" She pressed it.

Outside, the two groups of birds closing in on the gondola started shimmering with power as they charged up their Aerial Ace, Sky Attack, and Brave Bird moves, intending to smash through the pylons suspending the vessel from the envelope and send it plummeting to its tree-lined grave below. "All right, hold steady! Nobody break formation! Those cannons can't hit all of us!" the Chatot in command squawked.

He was wrong, especially when the weapon banks fired, instead of energy balls or missiles or laser beams, two great clouds of pink dust. The birds flew into the clouds and started coughing and choking, forced to break off their attack run to clear their lungs and catch their breath. "Graaah! What was that stuff?!" a Pidgeotto screeched.

"I don't know, but it smelled kind of nice…" a Pelipper commented.

Rui frowned and glanced at Rosa. "What was that stuff?"

Rosa grinned sexily. "Oh, just a few of my specially fermented pheromones."

"And the purpose of shooting them with it was…?" Rui asked.

Rosa laughed. "See for yourself!" She flicked a switch.

Outside, both sides of the envelope flickered and revealed projected images of Rosa's face. "Hola, mis pequeños amigos del chirrido! (Hello, my little birdie friends!) How are you doing today?"

The eyes of the birds that had gotten sprayed by the pheromones turned into hearts. "Wow, what a hottie!" a Starly chirped.

"I'd build a nest for her any day!" said an equally smitten Swellow.

"I don't mean to be pushy, but I was wondering if you big strong hombres could do me a favor?" Rosa asked, touching a flower to her chin and smiling coquettishly.

"I have no idea what an hombre is, but I hope that I'm one!" a Spearow said eagerly.

"We'll do anything you say, miss! Anything at all!" a Murkrow said obsequiously.

"Oh, good! Do you think you could go and stop those mean birds that are attacking my ship? I'd hate for it to get damaged from all the fighting," Rosa said, making an utterly adorable pout that caused quite a few birds to drop from the sky with spontaneous nosebleeds. (Or would that be beakbleeds?)

"No problem! You can count on us!" the commanding Chatot promised excitedly, seeing absolutely no problem with attacking his comrades just because a pretty womon asked him to. None of his subordinates saw a problem with it either.

"Gracias! That means a lot to me!" Rosa said, winking and blowing a kiss. More birds dropped from the sky in bliss. Those that didn't flew off to go kill their fellow soldiers.

"Wow," said an awestruck Rui as Rosa cut off the video feed. "That was incredible. How did you do that?!"

Rosa smirked. "I am a beautiful womon who has no problem with flaunting her assets to get what she wants. Some might call me a whore. I call myself pragmatic. You have to use what you've got to get ahead in this world, after all, and I just happen to have a bit more than most females. Would you like to know a few of my tricks? They might make your galan more interested in you than in a motorcycle he can't even ride."

"Do they make your boyfriend more interested in you than in his airship?" Rui asked.

Rosa grimaced. "Good question. Never mind, then."

"I didn't say no!" Rui protested hurriedly. "After all, what girl doesn't want a bunch of strapping brainless mons drooling and beating themselves up for her?" Rosa chuckled, pleased to have a new protégé. Up on the top of the envelope, Wes and Zoro shivered, feeling the same sensation of nameless dread all males do when they suspect their girlfriends are plotting something unpleasant.

While Zoro and Wes were on top of the envelope and Rui and Rosa were in the bridge, El Toro and Lobo were standing out on the deck, the wind blowing through their fur as they stared out at the birds swarming around the ship. Since neither of them had opposable thumbs or anything like arms, the best they could do in defending the Espada was to stand on deck and make sure that any birds that somehow made it past Rui's cannon fire or the swinging blade on the ship's prow didn't get the chance to do any damage. The prone and broken forms of the dozen or so boarders that they'd beaten so far littered the deck around them, bloodstained feathers drifting all over the place in testament to how seriously they took their job. "Rosa is quite the charmer, isn't she?" El Toro commented as he watched the lovestruck birds fight to the death against their brethren.

"Yeah," Lobo said.

El Toro frowned. Something about his friend sounded off. "Are you all right?"

Lobo blinked. "Huh? Yeah, why?"

"You didn't sound the least bit wistful when you said 'Yeah,' like you didn't envy those birdbrains at all for being under Rosa's thrall. I thought you had a crush on her."

"Oh," Lobo said. He fidgeted. "Yeah…about that…"

El Toro's eyes bulged in disbelief. "You're not attracted to her anymore?!" Something was definitely not right. Lobo, not interested in a sexy chica? The Tauros whipped himself with his tail to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

Lobo sighed. "To be honest, I've been having trouble getting interested in the ladies ever since Sasha…had a talk with me." He shuddered, the trauma from that fight still haunting him. "Every time I try fantasizing about a womon, I see her face glaring at me, like some stern disapproving abuela (grandmother). It's hard to stay aroused after that, especially when I'm worried she'll claw my balls off for thinking about things like that."

"That's rough, mon," El Toro said sympathetically.

Lobo nodded. "Yeah…I'm starting to wonder if she's scared me off of womon. Maybe I should give mons a shot. Would be an interesting change of pace, yeah?" El Toro stared at him for a long moment then slowly took a few steps away from the Mightyena.

"Sire, they're putting up a better fight than we expected. They're throwing us into chaos. More than a few of our flights are using those love-crazed Lunatonics betrayal as an excuse to hash out some old tribal grudges with their neighbors," Tyson, recently promoted second-in-command of Redwing's army (and secret double agent for Team Rocket) reported to his leader as they watched the fighting from afar.

Redwing sneered. "Fools. Are they so hungry for blood they can't differentiate ally from enemy? Are they so weak-willed that a smile and a wink from a worthless groundling is enough to turn them against each other? What a pitiful bunch of nestlings." The leader of the immense flying horde was a truly monstrous specimen of his species, a Fearow with razor-sharp talons, a cruel pointed beak covered with scars from his many battles, and a wingspan of at least fifteen feet. As his name implied, the feathers on his great wings were a bright red, said to be permanent stains from the blood of all the Pokemon he had killed (But in reality, it was dye made from mashed berries. Anyone who pointed that out got a Drill Peck through the ear, so needless to say nobody mentioned it.).

"What are your orders, sire?" Tyson asked.

"Kill the lovestruck worms. If they're so starved for affection they'll turn against me because a disgusting dirt-walker spread her thighs for them, they have no place in my flock," Redwing said coldly. Tyson inwardly cringed, but gave no visible sign that this order disturbed him. Among the ranks of barbarians, those who couldn't keep up lost the right to live in the eyes of their superiors. Redwing's flock, who heartily believed in the old principle of 'fly or die,' was no exception. The shady and often cutthroat dealings of the criminal organization Tyson worked for were outright tame in comparison to the brutal politics of these lawless thugs and killers.

"And what of the ship, sire? They have effectively repelled out attacks so far," Tyson inquired after he had relayed the order to cut the dead weight, trying to ignore the dying screams of Pokemon whose only crime (aside from the many thefts and murders and rapes they had committed for most of their lives) had been falling in love with the enemy.

"These opening skirmishes were merely to test their defenses," Tyson explained. "Now that I have seen what they are capable of, it's time to get serious and remove these intruders from our precious sky. All Swablu and Altaria, give us some cloud cover!"

The blue and white birds chirped in the affirmative and gathered in a ring around the airship, hovering out of range of Rui's cannon fire. They opened their beaks and emitted streams of Mist, the white clouds mingling together and condensing into a thick mass of fog completely engulfing the Espada. Tyson grinned when the vessel was hidden from view. "Now that they've lost their visibility…send in the saboteurs!"

"Hey, what gives with all this fog?" Rui complained from the Espada's bridge. "I can't see any targets!"

"It's interfering with our radar, too…hold on, let me switch on the foglights," Rosa said, pressing a button and causing bright white spotlights to come to life on parts of the ship, cutting through some of the fog but failing to eradicate all of it. "Hmm…this isn't good."

"Can't we just fly out of it?" Rui asked.

"Without knowing what's around us, and the radar on the fritz? We could crash into a mountain or something," Rosa said. "All we can do now is sit tight and wait for the fog to pass…and be ready for whatever those treacherous birds pull next!"

"Wow, it's thicker than pea soup out here," El Toro commented as he and Lobo tried to make their way carefully across the mist-shrouded deck. "I can barely see my nose in front of my face!"

"You can't see it anyway, your eyes are on opposite sides of your head," Lobo pointed out. He tripped over some rope and fell on his face. "Ugh…I hate this stuff…" He yelped when El Toro tripped too, falling over him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to step on your tail," the Tauros apologized as he staggered back onto his hooves.

"That wasn't my tail…" Lobo squeaked in pain.

"What are those sinverguenzas (scoundrels) up to now?" Zoro muttered warily as he and Wes slowly walked through the mist.

"I don't know, but it can't be anything good," Wes grunted, keeping his eyes on the ground to try and maintain a sure footing. "Maybe they're trying another run on the tanks? Or the engines?"

"Perhaps…or maybe…" Zoro gasped, seeing a large figure swooping towards them. "Here one comes! Look out!"

"Zoro, wait, that's-" Wes protested too late to keep Zoro from blasting the newcomer with a Thunderbolt. "Gonzap again."

Zoro sweatdropped. "Whoops."

"Hate you…so…much…" a twitching, crackling Gonzap gasped.

"Gonzap, are you all right?" Wes asked, rushing over.

"Do I look all right?!" Gonzap snapped as he tried to get up, metal feathers clanking noisily against each other and the surface of the envelope. "I got zapped again thanks to trigger-happy Skitty-cat over there! With friends like him, who needs the big bloodthirsty flock of killer birds surrounding us?!"

"Sorry…" Zoro said Mareepishly.

"Do you have any idea what those birds are up to?" Wes asked as Gonzap shook his feathers out, making more of a clamor in the process.

"No. I was trying to fly out of the mist to get a better view, but I wound up getting turned around and landing here…where a certain someone attacked me without provocation!" Gonzap growled.

Zoro sighed. "I already apologized, didn't I?"

"Plus, I'm pretty sure you would have done the same thing," Wes pointed out. Gonzap grumbled but did not disagree. "So, now that we're all together, what do we do?"

"Well, I suppose we should…wait! Did you see that!" Zoro said, instantly going on alert.

"See what?" Wes asked, glancing around.

"I thought I saw a flash of red light. Over in that direction!" Zoro said, pointing at…somewhere. "Or was it over there?" he wondered, looking somewhere else.

"A genius at navigation, this one," Gonzap grunted.

Wes closed his eyes and opened his Psychic senses to the elements. He had gotten so used to having his sixth sense restricted from all the time he'd spent in Battlus that he still was getting the hang of having his full power available to him again. Sometimes he forgot just what sorts of things he was capable of.

Reading air currents, for example. His hairs stiffened, detecting a displacement in the air nearby, a displacement a lot like…what happened when many wings were flapping at once… "They're over there!" Wes cried, eyes shooting open. "Follow me!" He dashed off into the fog.

"Uh, assuming we can find you…" Gonzap said as he and Zoro did their best to chase after Wes. It didn't take them long to find him, however, soon they could see the red light as well, and when they got closer were able to tell what was causing it.

"Those are Noctowl!" Zoro cried, seeing a group of big owls hovering around one of the engines, focusing the bright red beams of their Foresight on it so that a small crew of Delibird clambering around the nacelle, careful not to get caught in any of the turbines, could see what they were doing.

"And some of Santa's little helpers! The hell're they doing here?!" Gonzap shouted to be heard over the roar of the spinning turbine.

"Whatever it is, it stops now!" Wes yelled, eyes glowing as he used his telekinetic powers to yank one of the Delibirds off the engine and throw him at his neighbor, knocking both of them off and causing the other birds to realize they were being attacked.

The Delibirds frantically tried to scramble to safety as the Noctowl turned, shining their Foresight beams on the trio, and turned up the brightness as they tried using Hypnosis. It didn't work, especially when they didn't have any heads thanks to Zoro and Gonzap slicing them off with sword and Steel Wing. The remaining couple of owls panicked and tried to fly away, but Wes telekinetically grabbed them, slammed them into each other, and smashed them against the deck until they stopped moving. "Funny," the Espeon commented once everything was quiet again (save for the hum of the engine). "I was expecting someone to get sucked into the turbine. That always happens in movies."

"Guess those stupid birds were smart enough not to fall in," Gonzap said.

"You realize that you're a bird too, right?" Zoro pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm on your side. Just goes to show you I'm smarter than they are, doesn't it?" Gonzap said smugly.

"The Delibird got away…what were they up to?" Wes wondered.

"They were doing something to the engine…let's see what it was," Zoro said. They cautiously advanced towards the engine, the whirr of its spinning blades nearly deafening them the closer they got to it. Much to their surprise, they found about half a dozen boxes wrapped in colored paper and tied with ribbons strapped to the sides of the nacelle.

"They left us gifts? What, are they kissing up to us to apologize for attacking our ride or something?" asked a confused Wes.

Gonzap's eyes widened in horror. "Either Christmas has come early this year…or we're seriously fucked. Those aren't gifts…those are PRESENTS!"

Zoro and Wes gasped…and then exchanged confused looks. "Uh, what's the difference?" Wes asked.

"Are they not synonyms of each other?" Zoro agreed. Gonzap facefaulted.

Down on the deck, Lobo and El Toro had stumbled over another bunch of presents. Literally. "Who's the idiota who left all this desperdicios (junk) lying around?!" Lobo snarled, kicking away the box he had just tripped over.

"Wasn't it your turn to clean the deck?" El Toro asked.

"I was going to do it later! How was I supposed to know we were going to get attacked today?!" Lobo growled angrily.

"I wonder where these things came from…and why are they placed in heaps above the cannon emplacements?" El Toro wondered.

Lobo frowned, ears twitching. "And why do I hear a ticking sound coming from them?"

There was a long silence as realization slowly dawned on them. They exchanged almost comic looks of horror, then started running as fast as they could, screams rising up their throats. Naturally, they tripped and fell on their faces before they made it five feet. "I hate this fog," Lobo groaned.

"Me too," El Toro agreed.

And that's when the Presents detonated. Explosions wracked the Espada as the bombs the Delibirds had planted all over the vessel under the cover of the Mist went off at once, destroying the cannons, blasting off the blade on the ship's prow, and ripping most of the engines to shreds. The crew screamed and fell to the floor, grabbing onto whatever securely fastened object they could find as the ship violently shook and began descending at an alarming rate, smoke and flames trailing it as it fell through the bottom of the Mist cloud, much to the delight of the birds watching from afar, who cheered and laughed and licked their beaks in delight at the feast that would ensue over the remains of the unnatural machine's passengers. Oh, the Pokemonity, Tyson thought sullenly, regretting the part he had played in orchestrating this tragedy. The things he did for Team Rocket…

Redwing cackled. "Well done, lads! That abomination will never fly again! However, there's a chance that they might actually survive the crash…so let's finish them off and show them why we are the rightful rulers of the skies!"

The other birds cheered and screeched at this, and, knowing what to do from at least a dozen other similar battles against airships, formed up into a large vertical feathery wall facing the sinking vessel. In unison, they began to flap their wings, slowly at first but picking up speed until each of their appendages moved so fast that they blurred. The wind from their wingbeats swirled in front of them, growing larger and larger as they channeled more air currents into it until it turned into an absolutely enormous Whirlwind that roared and twisted down to the ground, its tail knocking over trees and sucking large chunks of the forest and a few Pokemon too slow to get out of the way in time into its towering mass. With one final many-winged flap, they forced the Whirlwind away from them, the tornado swirling inexorably towards the doomed Espada, the winds inside it spiraling with such force that it would rip the airship to smithereens the instant it touched it. The ship's crew stared at the Whirlwind in terror, realizing this was the end…

Until a streak of red and white light shot through the air, stopping between the Whirlwind and the Espada and resolving into the deified figure of Latias. "Stop," Latias said, eyes glowing as she looked sternly at the twister.

The Whirlwind halted in front of her and dissipated. The debris that had been swept up in its wake plummeted back to the forest floor. The beaks of every bird in Redwing's flock dropped in disbelief. "W-WHAT?!" Redwing shouted. "HOW DID SHE…HOW DARE SHE…WHO IS SHE?!"

Isn't that Latias? Tyson thought to himself, recalling pictures he'd seen of the Eon dragon in briefings. She looks…different somehow. I didn't know she could do something like that. What's she doing here?

"Uh, hey, whoever you are, I don't know how you did that but could you give us a hand too?" Wes shouted from where he was clinging to the top of the envelope.

"We're still sort of falling!" Zoro agreed.

"A little help would be nice!" Gonzap said.

Latias glanced over her shoulder at the Espada and gave them a reassuring smile. "Of course I'll help you. I came here to rescue you. It wouldn't do for me to let you crash, now would it?" Her eyes glowed. The wounded ship abruptly stopped falling, without the abrupt jolt you would expect from a sudden halt. The fires blazing all over the Espada extinguished themselves. The destroyed cannons, engines, and prow blade magically reconstructed themselves, time seeming to reverse as the scattered pieces of the ship flew backwards off the ground and through the air, reassembling themselves while the amazed crew looked on in wonder. The vessel slowly rose back into the air, supported entirely by Latias's telekinetic power.

"Is she doing all this by herself?! Increible!" Rosa gasped as she pried her flowers from their death's grip around the ship's wheel.

"I didn't know that any Psychic was powerful enough to lift something this size under her own mental power, and make it look so easy, too!" Rui said as she picked herself off the floor. "Wes certainly can't! Though he'd probably love to."

"Mon, I'd love to be able to do something like this," Wes said, looking around at the miraculously levitating airship.

"So would I…then I could pick up the really heavy chicks!" Gonzap quipped. Wes and Zoro stared at him. Gonzap frowned. "It's a pun, I was referring both to how that dragon is 'picking up' our ship as well as how I would 'pick up' womon-"

"We got it the first time," Wes said. "We were just so appalled that you'd make such an awful pun we couldn't think of anything to say."

Zoro nodded. "It was really terrible."

Gonzap sighed. "I know, but somebody had to say it ever since your mutt friend lost his sex drive and his repository of pickup lines and entendres!"

On the deck beneath them, Lobo sneezed. "Someone is talking about how I've become sexually unmotivated," the Mightyena said with a sigh.

"Well, doesn't that dragon over there turn you on a little? I think she's kind of lindo (cute)," El Toro said.

"Eh, I prefer hairier senoritas," Lobo grunted. Sasha flashed through his mind, and he shuddered. "Or at least, I used to…"

"Dragon! Who are you who dares to interfere in our kill?! Those fools were polluting my airspace with the foul technology of that unnatural device! It was within my right as ruler of the skies to punish them with death!" the enraged Redwing croaked at Latias.

Latias frowned. "They did not know this place was your territory and meant you no harm. There is no reason for you to want them dead."

"There's every reason!" Redwing shouted furiously. "They are an affront to nature! Only those with wings or who are born with a Flying type belong in the air! For lowly land-crawling Pokemon to design mechanisms that allow them to leave their habitat and intrude into the domain of their betters is nothing short of an abomination and a perversion of the natural order!"

"An affront to nature? Science is part of nature, and operates on natural laws, much like magic," Latias countered. "Unless it causes major atmospheric or environmental damage—which this ship wouldn't have, it runs on clean fuel—it wasn't a threat to you until you decided it was. Falling back on that old excuse and claiming you're only trying to preserve the natural order is really just a way of saying that since you're in charge you can do whatever you want and your will is 'the way things should be.'"

"But of course it is! Might makes right, and I am the strongest here! It's the law of the wild!" Redwing shot back.

Latias smirked. She had seen waaaayyy too many of these types over the length of her career. All of them were pretty much exactly the same, and could be dealt with just as easily as any other. "Then does that mean if something stronger than you came along, you would no longer be in charge?"

"No, because I would kill them, proving my own strength and my right to be leader!" Redwing shrieked. "I am ruler of the skies! None can best me! Even your master Rayquaza fears me, for why else would he not have struck me down by now for all his slaves whom I have slain?"

"Maybe because he had more important things to do, like, say, ruling an enormous world-spanning empire?" Latias suggested innocently.

Redwing spluttered, face turning as red as his wings. "More important? More important?! I've been killing his subjects and disrupting his trade routes for ages! What's more important than dealing with the threat I represent?! I've united the feuding bird tribes of Kanjohenn and created the largest army of Flying Pokemon the continent has ever seen!"

"Yeah, this continent. Did it ever occur to you that there are even larger barbarian armies disrupting trade routes and killing people on the other side of the world that Rayquaza has to deal with, attacking cities under his protection? Or the endless roulette of politics as he tries to keep the rulers of vassal and allied states appeased and going to war with each other or with him? I'll admit you're on his list of things to do, but you're a lot lower down than you might think," Latias said, taking a perverse enjoyment in how Redwing grew redder and redder with fury. More than a few of the other birds were moving away from him, afraid he would (metaphorically or actually) explode. "Oh, and they weren't slaves. The Draconian Empire doesn't have any of those. Every dragon you killed had a home somewhere, all the rights that come with Imperial citizenship, a rather nice pension, and families who were very upset to hear about their relatives whom you killed. Not that you care about that sort of thing, but I thought I should bring it up. Speaking of which, what makes you think I serve Rayquaza, anyway"

"You're a dragon who's come here to put a stop to my actions and presumably punish me for the 'crimes' I've committed against your pitiful civilization," Redwing sneered. "Why else would you be here? Maybe I'm higher up that list of things to do than you think! Why else would you be here?"

Latias had to admit his logic was sound, even if it was wrong. "You're half-right. I have come here to put a stop to your tyranny and preying on helpless Pokemon. However, I serve a power greater even than Rayquaza, and if you do not heed my warning I will not hesitate to use that power against you. Disband your flock and stop harassing travelers and local Pokemon, and forfeit your plans to invade Pokemon Square, and I will let you leave in peace. Refuse, and I will not hesitate to put an end to you."

"An end to me? Really? You mean you're willing to take on me and my entire flock all by yourself?" Redwing sneered, amused by Latias's threats, as was the rest of the flock, who laughed to show how little they thought of the dragon's threats. Tyson didn't join them. If Latias was able to stop an airship from falling and dissipate a twister without visibly exerting herself very much, she was probably capable of defeating them all easily. Naturally, he didn't bring this up because he was next in line to lead the flock, and if Redwing were to die in some tragic accident, he'd be able to use his influence to turn the birds towards a different goal, like, say, assisting Team Rocket…

"I will take you all on, if I have to," Latias said calmly. The passengers in the ship behind her were impressed by how the prospect didn't seem to worry her in the slightest.

Redwing smirked. "You're either very sure of yourself or an imbecile…not that there's much of a difference! If you think you can defeat us, I welcome the challenge…Rayquaza has sent his strongest dragons against us, and we feasted on their entrails with ease! There are none who can best me in the air! I am ruler of the skies!"

Latias rolled her eyes. "Those weren't his strongest dragons, you idiot. Rayquaza sent those to deal with a much greater threat to some of his protectorates on the other side of the globe. The only reason Nuken hasn't had the legions wipe you from the face of the Earth by now is because of political delays and the logistics of moving a large body of troops from one place to another without pissing off or worrying too many of the locals the Empire's allied with. You should be grateful that I came rather than him…at least I'll make sure your death is quick and relatively painless, not that you deserve it." Redwing's beak dropped, as did the rest of his flock. Nobody had ever spoken to Redwing like this before. Nobody had dared. How was the red and white dragon not dead yet several times over for the insults and lies she was spewing? "You may claim to be ruler of the skies, unrecognizing the authority of the Draconian Empire, the laws and benefits of civilization, or the power that I serve, but you must admit there is at least one force that even you cannot stand against."

Redwing laughed to try and hide how unnerved Latias was starting to make him, as did his warriors, save the worried Tyson. "Preposterous! None can best me! What force do you think could conquer the mighty Redwing?"

Latias smiled and held up her claws. In each hand she was holding a long, red-dyed feather. "Gravity," she said.

Redwing blinked…and realization dawned on him when he felt a sharp pain in his wings. Rather abruptly, he started falling. He flapped his wings frantically, shedding feathers all over the place, but it was no use, Latias had somehow removed his flight feathers, the feathers all birds needed to fly or even glide through the air, and without them he was as flight-capable as a Hippowdown. (One that wasn't being carried by a helicopter, anyway.) To his credit, though he shouted and cursed, he did not beg for mercy or call for help, he believed in the philosophy of might makes right and fly or die to the very end. He was no longer the mightiest or capable of flight, so it was only natural for him to die.

His followers looked on in horror as he vanished into the greenery far below them. None of them lifted a talon to save him. They would not have tried to help each other, and so did not budge to help their doomed leader; he had drilled any concept of mercy out of them ages ago (Sometimes literally). They were, however, perfectly fine with avenging his death, and they started screeching and flapping their wings angrily as they prepared to attack Latias, who still didn't look particularly concerned. Rather, she glanced right at Tyson, as if she somehow knew exactly who and what he really was and what he was up to. A chill ran down his spine as he suddenly realized that this was exactly the case. And he knew exactly what was expected of him, too. "Fall back!" he shouted.

The rest of the flock fumbled in mid-flap. Some of them nearly fell, but managed to catch themselves at the last instant. "Fall back?" a confused Pidgeotto said.

"You mean retreat?" a Staraptor realized.

"Redwing's flock never retreats!" a Hoothoot cried.

"Yes, but this isn't Redwing's flock anymore!" Tyson growled. "Redwing is dead! I, Tyson, am leader now! And I say we fall back! Our vengeance can wait for another day."

"But…but we can take her!" a Pelipper protested.

"Take her? You fool! She defeated Redwing, the strongest of all of us! What chance do we have?" Tyson snarled.

"But there's more of us than there is of her!" a Honchkrow pointed out.

Latias smiled. "Oh, well if it's numbers that you're worried about…" Her form blurred. Several dozen pinpoints of light flew off her body and transformed into exact replicas above her. There were now at least fifty or sixty Latiases facing down the understandably alarmed group of barbarian birds.

"Th-those are probably just illusions," a Dodrio said, sounding like he was trying very hard to convince himself of this. "They can't hurt us!"

"She was able to get rid of a giant Whirlwind, stop a falling airship, and defeat Redwing by stealing his flight feathers, without moving, while we were all watching her. Do you really want to take that risk?" Tyson asked. The birds looked at each other anxiously. None of them wanted to admit that they were scared—to do so would be a death sentence!—but none of them were especially looking forward to fighting someone as powerful as this mystery dragon, either. "We fly or we die," Tyson said. "That is our motto. If we go up against her now, we will surely die. I don't know about the rest of you, but I would rather fly away so that I will live to fight another day." Before his new hencmon could think too much on this, he addressed Latias again. "Do not think this is over between us, dragon! What you see now is but a fraction of our true strength. When we finally launch our attack on Pokemon Square, our numbers will be so vast that our wings will blot out the sun!"

Latias nodded, reading the subtext of Tyson's warning. "I'll keep that in mind and pass it on to the people of Pokemon Square, so that they will know who they should fear."

Tyson grinned. "See that you do, dragon…when next we meet in the skies of battle, things will be different!" He screeched, pivoted, and flew away. The other birds exchanged uncertain looks. Then, not wanting to look like they weren't team players, they slowly turned to go after him, shouting feeble threats and parting barbs at Latias as they departed to try and assuage their fragile egos and convince themselves they weren't being utter spineless cowards.

"They certainly will be…" Latias murmured to herself, her doubles vanishing. I can imagine the others will be interested to know that Mr. Giovanni is the leader of a secret organization called Team Rocket that's dedicated to world domination, but also trying to save Pokemon Square and the rest of the planet from the Nihilators and their minions. She chuckled. Giovanni and Team Rocket…some things never change no matter what the universe, do they? Too bad Tyson didn't seem to know where that crafty Persian's hiding or what exactly this 'Project T' thing he's working on entails, his clearance isn't high enough. At least one thing's for sure…when the barbarians do launch their attack, it's good to know that one faction may not be trying to destroy us, assuming Tyson can persuade his flock to change targets in time…of course, then we'll have to deal with them working for another secret society with aspirations of ruling the world, but the fact that the Team Rocket on this world doesn't seem to be nearly as evil as most of the other incarnations I've run into is a good sign. Maybe they can be reasoned with. They'd certainly come in handy, considering how limited my power is at the moment…because when the big day comes, I'm not sure if I will be able to beat everyone who's coming for Pokemon Square. Not by myself, anyway. She frowned and turned to face the Espada. But that's something to worry about later. Right now I have other things to deal with. "Are you all okay?" she asked the crew telepathically.

"We're a little battered from the explosions and the near-fall, but all of us are okay up here," Gonzap reported.

"Wes got a bad hit, but he's already healed himself with Morning Sun," Zoro said.

Wes nodded. "Yeah, I'm feeling fine now, though a little winded."

"We could be better," a rather blackened and singed El Toro coughed.

"We got caught in one of the explosions…" Lobo groaned. "It really hurt…"

"Not for long, it won't," Latias said. Her eyes glowed.

Just like that, all the Tauros and Mightyena's wounds were miraculously healed. "Dios mio!" El Toro gasped.

"How did you do that? I'm immune to most Psychic abilities, even healing moves!" said the astonished Lobo.

"Let's just say I'm a little more than Psychic and leave it at that," Latias said.

"Mon, that was an awesome display of Psychic power and thievery back there! You stole that big bird's feathers right out from under his beak, while all of us were watching you! How did you do that?" Wes asked.

"I moved at the speed of light, so to the untrained eye it wouldn't seem as if I'd moved at all," Latias explained.

"Cool," said an incredibly impressed and jealous Wes.

"Could you teach me to move that fast?" Zoro asked eagerly.

Latias shook her head. "Sorry, but no. You don't have the right body type. Or experience." Or divinity.

"Gracias for saving us, but…just who are you, anyway?" Rosa asked.

"And who are you working for?" Rui asked, somewhat suspicious.

"I came here from Pokemon Square to rescue you. I'm a friend of Ash and Pikachu's. They told us you were coming," Latias explained.

"Oh, so you're the welcoming committee!" Wes realized.

"Much friendlier than the first bunch to greet us to this continent," Gonzap grumbled. "What took you so long? We almost bit it back there!"

"Is everyone in Pokemon Square as powerful as you are? If so, I'm not certain what good Pokemon like us would be in the impending battle," Zoro commented.

"You'll be more useful than you think," Latias said. "Come on, I'll escort you to Pokemon Square. There are a lot of people who want to talk to you."

"So long as they just want to talk…I don't think I have it in me for another fight right now," Lobo complained.

"I hope they at least have something to eat! I'm hambriento (famished)!" El Toro said.

"Then I'll get you there in time for dinner. Hang on, this shouldn't take too long." Latias started flying south in the direction of Pokemon Square, telekinetically tugging the airship behind her with a minimum of effort. The Pokemon onboard marveled at how gentle the ride was, considering how fast the air speedometer said they were going and how quickly the forests and mountains passed by underneath them.

"You never gave us your name," Rui spoke up.

"Si, who are you? And how do you possess such power?" Rosa asked.

Latias smiled. "You can call me Latias. I'm the Guardian of Light!"

Back in Pokemon Square, Latios's eyes stopped glowing, and the images he had been projecting around him of the world as his sister saw it faded away. "Wow," he said after a moment of silence. "That was actually pretty slick."

"Indeed," Sabrina said.

Raiki nodded in agreement. "I was expecting her to go in there and bust some heads, making us feel very inferior in comparison. What she did instead was much more impressive. And while I think it's clear she could have taken them, the fact that she found a subtler and more cunning way to win shows her maturity and level of control."

"Though I wonder…why did she let them live? Won't they cause us problems later?" Aaron pointed out.

Nuken nodded in agreement. "Yes, while I'm pleased she finally killed Redwing, I'm not as happy that she left the rest of his flock intact. They've been causing us trouble for ages, and as she herself pointed out, the only reason we haven't dealt with them by now was mainly for political and logistical reasons. But she had the opportunity to avoid the red tape and finish them off without having to worry about that…so why didn't she?"

"She must've had her reasons," Rayquaza said defensively.

Latios nodded, in perfect agreement with the Bagon for a change and not revealing what troubled him: that while he had been able to see what Latias was seeing, he had not been privy to her thoughts, which he usually was when they were sight-sharing, or pretty much any other time for that matter. Was she shutting him out? If so, why? "Yeah. And as soon as she gets back, we'll ask her what those are."

"If she'll tell us…" Scotty grunted doubtfully. "The gods dinnae always feel like explaining themselves to us mortals."

"She seems fairly nice for a deity," Joy said. "Other than the reading everyone's minds automatically thing, but she can't help that. I think."

Aaron nodded. "I think she's demonstrated that she is a being we can count on to help us. Pokemon Square will be in much safer claws now that she is here."

"Especially once we find a way to restore her to her full power," Sabrina said.

That's good and all, Rayquaza thought to himself uneasily. And I'm glad for her help, but…the more powerful she becomes, the more she seems to slip away from me. How long until there is nothing left of the Latias I cared for, and only the unreachable perfection of the Guardian of Light remains?

…

Elsewhere…

The people of Pokemon Square were not the only ones who had observed the Guardian's encounter with Redwing's flock from afar. This watcher, however, had much more sinister motives for taking an interest in her actions.

"Hmm…" a cloaked figure mused to himself as he watched Latias tow the Espada back towards Pokemon Square through his scrying crystal. "This is unexpected. She awoke sooner than I had planned, with more power than I anticipated. And she almost defeated one of the barbarian armies preparing to lay siege against Pokemon Square, though I am uncertain why she let them live. It certainly would have made things easier for her and her friends in the long run." He shrugged and turned away. "I shall have to take measures to see that she does not destroy the Monkey King or Hive Queen's armies…and make sure that she does not regain any more of her power. That would be rather…unfortunate." He laughed, and the image in the crystal went out, casting the hidden lair into darkness.

…

Meanwhile, in Dusk Forest…

The members of Team Rocket were lying on the ground, slowly recovering from the agonizing pain caused by their robot self-destructing, blasting them through the roof of the crumbling crypt, and crashing them somewhere in the middle of the forest. Blasting off was something that happened to them a lot, but that didn't make it hurt any less each time they landed, especially since it was usually in a very hard place.

"Chiiiii…" squealed a dazed Chimecho.

"Uhh…that hurt…" Gardenia groaned.

"Blowing up usually does," Buzz moaned.

"Why did we think that would be such a good idea again?" Jessie grunted in pain.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" James said as he staggered to his feet. "We saved Mickey, right?...Hey, where is Mickey?"

"Don't look at me!" Mickey cried, hiding behind a tree far away from the others. "I'm a monster! A horrible monster!"

"Oh come on, it's not that bad-" Jessie said, until Mickey poked his head out, causing her to scream and throw up.

"That's not really helping," Gardenia said.

"Well, is it my fault he's so horrendously ugly?!" Jessie snapped.

"That's not helping either," Wabbaku said.

"Oh, shut up, both of you," she growled.

"Mickey, come out from there! You have nothing to be scared of; we rescued you from that awful witch!" James said. "You're safe now!"

"Nothing ta be scared of?! Look at what she did to me!" Mickey cried, coming out from behind the tree and causing them to cringe when they got a good look at how much he had transformed. "Da witch turned me inta a demon!"

"Mickey…" James whispered, taking a step forward.

Mickey backed away, shaking his head. "No, don't come any closer! I'm a demon now! We were too late! It's all over for me now!"

"I don't care!" James shouted, starting to cry. "No matter how awful you look now, you're still my Mickey! I refuse to give up on you!"

"Give up?! Don't you get it? You've already lost! My transformation is complete!" Mickey wailed. "I don't belong in dis world anymore, wit da rest of you…I'm an evil monster dat feeds off the suffering of others! I became dis because Bellum tricked me inta drinking da ground-up bodies of an entire village of innocent people…something like me belongs in da Abyss wit da rest of da wicked demons!"

"Ew," said a disgusted Jessie.

"That's even worse than the jar of dirt!" Buzz commented.

"No! I don't care what you did, but I know you don't belong there! You're too good for a place like that!" James shouted.

"Well, more like he's not bad enough, because we're all sort of evil, just not…you know, very much," Gardenia pointed out.

Wabbaku nodded. "As villains go, we're bottom of the barrel. Or would that be the top?"

Jessie smacked both of them with a wing. "Shut up, both of you! James and Mickey are having a moment!"

"I don't care what you are or what you've become…to me, you're still Mickey! And I love you!" James wailed.

"I know!" Mickey sobbed, bursting into tears which melted the ground. "And dat's why I haveta go away…I don't want ta hurt you, and if I stay, dat's what I'll end up doing!"

"You could never hurt me!" James protested.

Mickey sweatdropped. "Uh, Jimmy, I'm covered in spikes, got lots of claws, teeth, acid drool, too many mouths…it's not exactly like we could hug or kiss or anything like dat. And I don't even wanna go into what happened ta Little Mickey."

James frowned. "Oh. That…is a problem." The others sweatdropped.

"And den dere's da fact dat, as a demon, I'm gonna be driven to kill and hurt odder people! So I have ta go now, while I'm still me…before my demonic instincts kick in and I rip ya ta shreds! I could never live wit myself if I did dat…dat's why I haveta go, before it's too late!" Mickey said, backing away from them. "Goodbye, Jimmy…I'll always remember da good times we had! Until my demonic instincts kick in and I forget, dat is."

"Mickey! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" James wailed in despair, falling to his knees.

"Yes, you're being a little premature and melodramatic," Wabbaku said, stepping forward. "You see, it isn't too late. You're not actually a demon yet."

Everyone looked at him in surprise. "He's not?" James asked hopefully.

"I'm not?" asked the surprised Mickey.

"He certainly looks like a demon to me," Buzz said.

"Are you sure, Wabbaku?" Jessie said skeptically.

"Of course he is! Wabbaku knows what he's talking about!" Gardenia said loyally.

"I'm not a demon? But…but look at me! Look at what I've become! Isn't it already too late?" asked a confused Mickey.

"Not so. Check your right armpit," Wabbaku said.

Mickey blinked and lifted his arm. "Huh? Okay, but I don't see why…hey! Dere's still some fur growing under dere!"

Gardenia gasped. "Oh! I see!"

"So do I!" James said, jumping up and down giddily.

"Er, so what?" Jessie asked, not getting it. "That just means he needs to shave more."

"If Mickey had been completely transformed into a demon, his body would be totally covered in spiny scales," Wabbaku explained. "However, a patch of fur remains in that one spot. That means that his metamorphosis, while sped up by Bellum, is not yet finished. If we can gather the remaining ingredients before the demonic taint completely engulfs Mickey's soul, we can reverse the process and change him back to normal."

Jessie gasped. "Oh! Now I get it!"

"Den I'm not through yet? Yippee!" the delighted Mickey cheered, flinging his arms out and accidentally knocking a tree over. "Uh, whoops. Didn't mean to do dat."

"Oh, Mickey, this is wonderful!" James cried joyfully. "I'd hug you, except that I'd probably kill myself!"

"How much time do we have before his transformation is complete?" Gardenia asked.

"Not long, but I can arrest or slow down the process like I did before so we have more of a chance at saving him," Wabbaku said.

"Right! So, guess dat means I get to eat more dirt, huh?" Mickey asked hopefully. The others gave him disgusted looks. "What? You get used to it!"

Wabbaku shook his head and reached into his pouch. "Oh no, my friend, the time for dirt is long past. The only thing that can stabilize your transformation now is…this."

Mickey stared blankly at the thing the shaman pulled out. It was tall and wide with lots of weird protrusions and stripes crisscrossing over each other in jarringly colored patterns that made the eyes water, with all sorts of doodads like wind chimes and metal disks and pinwheels and sparklers dangling from it. "Dat's a hat."

"And a particularly ugly one, too," James said.

"It is a spirit hat," Wabbaku explained. "By wearing it, Mickey will attract the attention of the spirits, and their presence will suppress the evil growing within him long enough for us to finish the antidote."

"How exactly is that going to attract the spirits?" Buzz asked skeptically.

"Because it's so ridiculous that they will come for miles to point and laugh at the idiot who thought he would look good in something this fashion-blind," Wabbaku explained.

"That makes sense," James said.

"I certainly would," Jessie agreed.

Mickey grimaced. "Do I really gotta wear dis? Can't I just eat dirt? Or get painted all over again?"

"No," Wabbaku said. "Your transformation has progressed too far past the point where those could help. It's either this, or nothing."

Mickey sighed. "All right, all right." Reluctantly, he walked over, took the hat from Wabbaku, and put it on his head. "Well? How do I look?" Everyone stared at him for several seconds before bursting into raucous laughter. Mickey sighed, making a rather musical sound due to all the mouths the air came out of. "Yeah, dat's what I thought…"

"Sorry," James said, wiping away tears of mirth. "You just look so ridiculous…I couldn't help myself! Bwahahaha!"

"And neither can…ahahahaha…the spirits," Wabbaku chortled. "So long as you wear that, you shouldn't have to worry about turning into a demon. Even more than you are already, that is."

Mickey grunted. "So, where do we gotta go for da next ingredient? Da sooner we can turn me back to normal, da sooner I can take dis thing off."

"Wabbaku, before Bellum attacked you said it was some seaweed in a sunken city somewhere?" Gardenia recalled.

Wabbaku nodded. "Yes. To retrieve the plant, we must journey to the bottom of the ocean, to the forbidden ruins of the lost city of Hyperbeamoria. It will be a dangerous voyage, due to the crushing pressure, the almost solid darkness, and the city itself, which contains things Pokemon were never meant to see."

They shuddered. "You mean eldritch abominations with tentacles and eyes and too many mouths?" Mickey asked anxiously. "Er, sort of like me, I guess…"

"And ancient gods sleeping until the time when the stars are right and they will rise up to destroy the world?" James asked.

"Like Jessie?" Gardenia quipped.

"HEY!" Jessie snapped.

Wabbaku shook his head gravely. "No, things far worse than that…bad artwork!"

They stared at him blankly. "Bad artwork?" Buzz asked finally.

Wabbaku nodded. "Yes, art so bad it makes you throw up or try to claw your eyes out just from looking at it, art that the gods were embarrassed and angered by so they destroyed the city to punish its citizens for creating such travesties. Everyone was relieved when the city sank, frankly. Then they didn't have to look at the awful art or mind-warping architecture anymore."

The others sweatdropped. "Ah," James said.

"It shouldn't be anything for us to worry about, though," Wabbaku said. "The spirits will protect me, Mickey's mostly demon so should actually like the art, and the rest of you…ah…are immune for your own reasons." Mainly, being too stupid to comprehend the full horror of the art, he thought to himself. Well, except maybe for Gardenia. Hmm. Maybe I should give her something in advance, just in case.

"I don't suppose there's any sunken treasure in this lost city?" Jessie asked hopefully.

Wabbaku shrugged. "There might be. It's not like anyone really goes down there, due both to the depth and the fact that most archaeologists like to pretend Hyperbeamoria was a myth rather than a real place, because if it were real then they'd be obligated to go down there and deal with the horrible artwork. So any treasure that was in the city when it sank should still be there, though whether you'll want it is debatable. The best of the masterpieces that city created is still uglier than Mickey's hat."

Their minds boggled at this concept. "…Whoa. Seriously?" Gardenia asked.

"Is that even possible?" James wondered.

"Chiiii," Chimecho chimed.

"Well, on da bright side, I'll look positively stylish in comparison when we go down dere," Mickey said optimistically.

"That's no real problem, I'm sure I'll be able to find a buyer somewhere if I don't want to keep the treasure for myself or give it to the Boss," Jessie said unworriedly. "There's always someone somewhere who'll want something like that for their collection, no matter how it looks. Just look at James's bottle cap collection, most of those things are average if not completely mundane."

"They are not mundane!" James shouted, offended. "They all have their own inner value! Some people would pay millions of Poke' for the rare caps in my collection!"

"My point exactly," Jessie said smugly. "So, let's set out for this lost city! Mickey, you're hanging from the underside of the basket again."

"What? Why?!" Mickey protested.

"Because you're so prickly the balloon would probably pop if you so much as looked at it," Jessie said flatly.

Mickey sweatdropped. "Good point. Oh well, at least I can wash myself again. But…" He frowned and looked down at his spiny hide. "How'm I supposed ta lick myself without cutting my tongue off?"

"A question for the ages. Not even the spirits know," Wabbaku said sagely. Gardenia shivered with delight. She loved it when he talked all wisemon-ish like that. "What they do know is that we must hurry to find that seaweed and the other final ingredients, for if Mickey's transformation into a demon is completed…I doubt any of us will ever live to see the sunrise again, as he unleashes a new age of terror and destruction upon the land."

"Like what would happen if disco came back?" James asked.

Wabbaku's eye twitched. "Yes, James. Exactly like disco coming back." The day I leave this all behind can't come fast enough. Spirits, how much longer must I endure this before I can finally go home? No answer was forthcoming. As he himself had said just a moment ago, not even the spirits knew everything.

…

Meanwhile, in Twilight's Edge…

As she lay in the great mound of rubble and debris that had once been Yamatorochi's temple, the stone and tile 'cushioning' her landing after being hurled out of the inferno that her family's tomb had been transformed into, Bellum reflected that she really hadn't been having a good last few weeks. First she got beaten by a neophyte Lucario and a space heater of all things, then Tarantulas discovered another Star Badge by dumb luck while she was out scouring the continent the hard way, then her own daughter had somehow managed to escape her, and now a potential demon servitor had slipped out of her grasp, her family crypt had been completely destroyed, and she had been defeated by a bunch of suicidal idiots in a giant robot Typhlosion. How did it come to this? She wondered. I'm one of the most powerful sorceresses on the planet! What have I done to warrant such humiliation?! (The answer was obvious, of course, but not to her.)

With a grunt, she managed to pull herself out of the rubble heap and unsteadily rose back into the air. Well, she reflected as she regained her composure. Things haven't been going as planned so far, but there might still be one good thing to come out of all this. "Marianne!" she shouted.

A bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens, crashing down next to Bellum and manifesting as the abnormally large Rotom that was Bellum's eldest daughter. "Bzzzzz?"

"Never mind what happened to me, how did your search go? Did you find Lily and make her suffer horribly for trying to escape me?" the Froslass asked eagerly. The Rotom fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well? Go on, tell me everything! I want to hear all the details!"

"…Bzzzbzbzbzzzbzzbz," Marianne buzzed miserably.

Bellum stared. "…What? WHAT?! YOU DIDN'T FIND HER?!"

"Bzbzbzbzzzzbzbzbzzzbzzz!" Marianne protested.

This did not mollify Bellum in the slightest. Icy winds blew furiously around her as she summoned an icicle spear and angrily started stabbing Marianne repeatedly, the Rotom screaming in pain as the lance pierced her electroplasmic body again and again. "You worthless, stupid, useless waste of ectoplasm! You were waylaid by DARK CLEFAIRIES of all creatures?! You mean to tell me that you could not defeat creatures as weak as they?! You mean to tell me that Lily is missing, my family tomb has been destroyed, and I lost a potential new minion and got defeated by some idiots with a giant mecha, meaning that our entire trip here was a waste of time and I was blown up for NOTHING?! You dare to come crawling back to me after such a defeat and expect me to forgive you?! You pathetic, incompetent, miserable failure of a-" Some of the rocks nearby shifted, interrupting her tirade. Bellum paused. "What was that?"

"Bzzzz?" Marianne suggested.

Bellum smacked her. "Don't be ridiculous."

Pebbles rattled and moved aside as several hundred tiny wriggling pink droplets of slime worked their way out of the ground and slowly started converging on each other. Bellum and Marianne watched in fascination as the droplets melded together into one large blob, creating a Ditto with a strange mark under one eye. The Ditto moaned and clutched his…well, the closest thing he had to a head. "Oh man, that hurt…I don't think I've ever gotten hit that hard before. Note to self, don't acquire the DNA of supernatural creatures in the future. It leads to potential loss of identity and getting your head chopped off by a magic sword." He frowned. "And if I ever see that Lucario, Pikachu, Squirtle, Absol, Larvitar, Sableye, and Misdreavus with a funny hat again…I'll run like hell, because they're wayyyyy too strong for me to beat."

Bellum and Marianne exchanged looks. The Froslass vanished her spear and glided over to the Ditto. "Excuse me…"

The Ditto started. "Ack! Who the heck are you?!"

Bellum grinned sinisterly, thinking to herself that perhaps this incident hadn't been a waste of time after all. "My name is Bellum, mistress of the winter winds. And I believe you know something I would very much like to hear about. Tell me about this group of Pokemon who defeated you…especially the Misdreavus with a funny hat..."

…

Meanwhile, somewhere else in Dusk Forest…

Sam, Max, Jango, and Master Otaku roared out of the woods, hitting the brakes and bringing the DeSoto and Coffin Cycle to a screaming halt on the edge of a large ornate circle that had been etched into the ground. Among other runes and symbols representing the sun were five smaller circles, four on the outer rim of the spell seal and one big one in the center with an oblong hexagonal outline in the middle. Master Otaku hopped off the Coffin Cycle as Jango put it into park and took off his helmet, floating over to the central circle. "Quickly! We must purify Jurgen before his zombie minions catch up to us!"

"I doubt we have anything to worry about, we left them behind miles ago!" Max commented. They heard moans and smashing trees from somewhere in the distance. "But just to be safe, let's get this over with quickly."

"Bring the coffin into the circle!" Otaku ordered.

Sam got out of the car and dragged a large Gothic coffin out of the DeSoto's back seat, grunting due to its weight. "Ugh…considering how skinny Jurgen is, you wouldn't think he'd be so heavy."

"I heard zat!" the vampire's muffled voice shouted from inside the coffin. "I am not ze fatty, you are ze one who is out of shape! Oh, and by ze vay, LET ME OUT OF HERE!" He banged on the lid of the coffin, causing it to rattle despite the several dozen nails that had been driven into it to keep it closed.

"I really hope this is going to be the last time we ever see you again, though it probably won't be," Sam grunted, losing his grip and dropping the coffin on the ground, causing Jurgen to yelp in pain.

"Maybe if I ate his ashes, he won't come back again?" Max suggested.

"As intriguing an idea as that is, little buddy, we can't take that risk. He might possess you, and then you'll turn into an ambiguously gay emo vampire Goth," Sam pointed out. "And then I would have no choice but to kill you. It would be for your own good."

"Awww, thanks Sam! I'd do the same thing for you, even if you weren't possessed by a vampire!" Max said happily.

"Thanks…I think," Sam said.

"Will you get him over here already?! Hurry! We don't have much time!" Otaku yelled.

Sam nodded. "Right! Jango, could you give me a hand here?" The anthro Espeon nodded and grabbed one end of the coffin while Sam reached for the other. With a grunt, they managed to lift it into the air and carry it into the circle, where they unceremoniously dropped it in the center, right inside the hexagonal outline which, on a closer glance, was a perfect fit for the vampire-filled casket.

"Ow! Could you guys stop doing zat already? I'm getting a concussion in here!" Jurgen whined, banging on the lid again.

"You'll have worse than that when we're through with you," Sam said.

"Yeah, it's time to feel the sunshine…and get a sunburn you'll never forget!" Max said.

"No, not zat! I hate ze sun! I burn so easily!" Jurgen moaned. "And I don't vant skin cancer! Do you know vhat vampiric skin cancer looks like? It's not pretty!"

"It's time to begin…Taiyooooohhhh!" Master Otaku cried, raising his leaves into the air.

The lines of the circle flashed red, and all four of the smaller circles on the periphery suddenly rose into the air, revealing light green generators with large mirrors mounted on top of them. Jango drew his Blaster Del Sol and fired four solar shots, the golden beams of sunlight striking the generators and causing the mirrors to lower into position so that they faced the coffin. "Taiyoh!" Jango cried abruptly, raising a fist into the air.

Sam and Max blinked. "Did he just say something?" Sam asked.

"I didn't know he could talk," Max commented.

"He can, he just doesn't do it very often," Otaku explained. "And now…Taiyooooohhhhhhh!" He raised his leaves again. A golden ball of light formed over his head and shot into the sky, swelling up and growing brighter and brighter until it turned into a miniature sun, bringing day to the land of eternal night. Four beams of light shot down from the artificial sun and struck the generators, causing them to rumble as they powered up. The mirrors flashed, and four powerful golden energy beams blasted out of them and struck the coffin.

There was a scream of agony and the lid blasted off, a formless mass of purple and black smoke rose out of the coffin. There was a flash of darkness, and the monstrous silhouette of Jurgen briefly appeared over the smoke. "Gyaaaahhhh! Noooo! I vill not be defeated like zis! You cannot defeat me! Graaaaahhhh!" Waves of darkness rippled off the cloud, knocking everyone back. The cloud then surged forward, a rope of smog tying it to the coffin, and engulfed one of the generators.

"Sweet Lazarus rising from the grave to go to the Boston tea party with a time-traveling Thomas Jefferson! Was that supposed to happen?!" an alarmed Sam cried.

"Whenever we try to purify an Immortal, their spirit manifests one last time to try and stop the Piledriver from destroying them," Master Otaku explained. "When that happens, Jango needs to hold that spirit off long enough for the Piledriver to pour enough Solar Piles into the coffin to purify the Immortal's remains and remove them from the world."

"Oh, so it's a standard minigame/boss fight then," Max said.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Sam asked.

Master Otaku shook his head. "No, this is something only the Solar Hunter can do. Jango! Stop him from disabling the generators!" Jango nodded, put on his helmet, and charged towards the cloud of darkness representing Jurgen's evil soul, firing beams from the Blaster Del Sol.

Jurgen hissed and flew away from the generator, which he had damaged enough to flip its mirror panel up and cut off the Piles it had been firing. "Aaaagghh! Sunlight, sunlight, is zat all you can zhrow at me?! How about somezing more original for a change?!"

"Hey, don't diss it if it works," Max said.

"Except that it's being used on you, so you'd probably prefer it didn't work," Sam noted.

"Once I get out of zis device, I shall drain your blood und add you to my undead army, vhich even now are marching zis vay to rescue me! Kyaahhhh!" The cloud lunged at Jango, who rolled out of the way and fired off several blasts. The vampire soul reeled back, hissing in pain.

The sounds of moaning and crashing trees was getting louder. "He's right, any minute now a whole mess of whatever the name for a large group of zombies is will burst in on us and eat our brains. How long is this purification thing going to take?" Sam asked.

"It depends on the Immortal and its power level, to be honest…" Master Otaku said uneasily. "And Jurgen does seem to be a bit stronger than his…er, behavior and attitude would suggest."

"Hey, vhat's zat supposed to mean? Gah! Stop doing zat!" Jurgen yelled angrily at Jango, who was still shooting at him.

"I can't imagine that generator pointing up over there is helping," Sam said. "If we moved it back into place, would it speed up the process?"

"All four Solar Piles firing at once? Yes, that certainly would help," Otaku said.

Sam nodded. "Right! Let's go, Max!"

"You zink you're so cool, don't you, viz your shiny armor und fancy gun und flowy scarf?" Jurgen sneered as he bobbed all over the place, evading Jango's shots. "Vell, here's a tip, hero: you aren't such hot stuff!" He released a wave of dark energy. Jango drew a gilded sword and slashed through the wave with a solar-powered chop, splitting the wave and causing it to fly past him. He dashed forward and swiped at the cloud of darkness, causing the vampire to shriek in pain and fly away.

"Ugh! I haff had it up to here viz you! I zink it's time you met my children of ze night…don't zey make some sweet music? Too bad zey don't dance very well." He throbbed and released a swarm of screeching bats which flew towards Jango, flapping their wings and gnashing their teeth. The humanoid Espeon turned a dial on the Blaster Del Sol and pulled the trigger, releasing a wide-angle blast of diffused solar energy that tore through the bats, disintegrating them. This setting of the Blaster increased its spread at the cost of power, making it bad for taking on a single tough opponent but pretty decent at getting rid of a large group of weak enemies like Jurgen's bats. "Ack! My babies!" Jurgen cried. "Oh vell, I'll just make some moreAARRRRGGGHHHH!"

Sam and Max had just finished moving the damaged generator back into place, sending a fourth Solar Pile firing into the vampire's coffin. "Suck on this for a change, sucker!" Max quipped.

"Too bad you forgot to wear your sunblock or sunglasses. If you had, we could have avoided all this," Sam said.

"Sam und Max, Sam und Max…alvays Sam und Max! No matter vhat I do, you alvays show up to ruin my fun!" Jurgen snarled.

"What are you talking about? This is only the second time we've foiled one of your plans," Sam said.

"Yeah, we haven't run into each other enough for you to really count as a long-term recurring nemesis. We don't have many of those…mainly because we kill most of the ones we run into the first time," Max said. "Just like you, actually!"

"…Vhatever! I hate you und I'm going to kill you anyvay!" Jurgen yelled petulantly. He pulsated again and released another swarm of bats at the duo.

Sam and Max quickly drew their guns and started firing frantically into the swarm, but there were so many winged toothy mammals that even though every bullet downed one of the bats, there were still so many left over that they overwhelmed the Freelance Police, beating them with their wings and sinking their fangs into their flesh. "Ack! Get off me, you goddamned Desmodus Rotundus!" Sam swore as he tried to swat the bats away and knock them off his body.

Max's jaws rapidly snapped open and shut as his head jerked about, catching bats in his mouth and chewing them to pieces. "Grah! Nah! Mmmph! You wanna eat me, stupid rats? Fine, I'll be happy to return the favor!" he shouted with his mouth full, spitting out pieces of wing and bits of fur.

Jango frowned and pointed his gun at the duo. "Wait, what are you doing? Don't shoot that thing at us!" Sam cried in alarm. Jango ignored him and pulled the trigger. A wide-angle blast of sunlight shot out from the weapon and engulfed the not-quite-heroes and bats, incinerating the latter and doing no damage to the duo save for giving them a nice tan. "Oh. It only works on evil things. That's good to know."

"Wait, then why'm I still fine?" Max wondered, looking disappointed.

Jurgen slammed into Jango from the side, knocking him to the ground and causing the Blaster Del Sol to fly from his hands. "Gah! Stupid hunter! I almost killed zem zat time! Couldn't you haff just let zem die and kept fighting me?! You heroes are all ze same!" He released a point-blank wave of darkness, causing Jango to cry out in pain.

"That's enough, Jurgen!" Sam said, pointing his gun at the cloud of darkness.

"Yeah, we aren't even remotely like him! Or heroes. At least, I don't think we're heroes," Max commented.

Jurgen laughed. "Your puny bullets had no effect on me before. Vhy should zey now?"

"Because I swiped Jango's Sol Giz Mo when he wasn't looking and used it to enchant our guns with solar power," Max said.

Jango blinked. Otaku started. "You did what?!" He glanced at Jango. "How did you not notice it was missing? It's a gauntlet! You wear it all the time!" The Espeon shrugged.

"Eat concentrated sunlight in metal slug form, you villainous voracious vampiric vagrant!" Sam said, pulling the trigger and firing a golden bullet into Jurgen.

"Ooh, Sam's being alliterative now, you must've made him really mad!" Max said eagerly, opening fire as well.

The cloud was knocked off of Jango, allowing the Espeon to scramble to his feet, grab his own gun, and start shooting at Jurgen along with Sam and Max. The dark cloud wildly zigzagged all over the place to try and avoid their shots, but with all three firing solar bursts at once there was no way for him to avoid all of their blasts. Finally, he cried out in agony and collapsed on top of his coffin, smoke rising from both the casket and his vaporous form. "He's almost had it!" Otaku said eagerly. "Purification is almost complete. Soon, he shall trouble us no more! But, Sam and Max, one question…if your guns had the power of the sun all along, why didn't you join the fight earlier?!"

Sam shrugged. "You told us we wouldn't be of any help."

"Plus we wanted to save that revelation for a really dramatic moment," Max said. Otaku facefaulted and Jango sweatdropped.

There was a flash of darkness, and Jurgen's silhouette appeared over his cloud form again. "Gwaaaargh! If you zink you can strike me down viz zis…you're making a big mistake!" Waves of darkness surged off his form, slamming into the Solar Piles and pushing them back, driving them away from the coffin.

Master Otaku gasped. "No! If those waves reach the generators, it's over! The Piledriver will be ruined, and we won't be able to fix it before those zombies get here!"

"Then we'll just have to finish him off before that can happen," Sam said, cocking his gun. "Max, Jango! Let's do this together!"

Max and Jango nodded. "Right!" They raised their guns.

Jurgen blinked. "Vat? V-vat do you zink you are doing?!"

"Ending this," Sam said, pointing his gun at the silhouette.

"Be careful not to cross the streams!" Max joked.

All three of them pulled the triggers at the same time. Three bullets of golden light raced out of the gun barrels and shot towards Jurgen. The vampire's eyes widened in horror. "No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The bullets struck. There was a blinding flash of light, and the silhouette and waves of darkness evaporated with a horrendous scream. "Jackpot!" Max cried joyfully.

"Jango! Now!" Master Otaku shouted.

Jango nodded and raised a hand into the air. "Taiyoooohhhh!"

The generators powered back up and blasted extra-strength Solar Piles into the coffin. "Gwoooorgh!" Jurgen cried. "Once more…I…! …Don't zink…zat I'll disappear…forever! I vill be back! I vill ALVAYS be back!"

"Yeah, that's what they all say," Sam said.

"Lights on!" Max said.

"Shouldn't that be 'lights out?'" Sam asked.

"Yeah, but we're blasting him with solar beams, so I thought 'lights on' would be more appropriate," Max said.

"A very good point, little buddy. Well said," Sam acknowledged.

Explosions blossomed all over the coffin and the cloud of darkness. "GyagyagyaGYAHHHHHHHHHH!" Jurgen howled. There was another brilliant flash of light, and then the coffin disintegrated, the cloud dissipating into nothingness with a sigh of despair. "Guess its back to being a receptionist again…" And he was gone.

The Sunny Day orb went out and the Piledriver's generators powered down and sank back into the ground, no longer needed. "PURIFICATION COMPLETED!"

Sam and Max glanced around in puzzlement. "Who just said that?" Sam asked.

Jango shrugged. "We don't know; that happens every time we successfully purify an Immortal. We've gotten used to it. In any event, we did it!" Master Otaku said in delight. "Well done, everyone!"

"And not a moment too soon," Sam said, pointing into the nearby woods. Several dozen monster corpses were littering the ground only a few meters away from the Pilderiver circle. "If that had taken even a few seconds longer, those zombies would have been all over us like teenaged Midnight fans on a picture of Eddie Cullens. How convenient that whenever necromancers die, so do their minions, isn't it little buddy?"

Max nodded. "Gotta love the lack of ontological inertia that always seems to turn up with magic! It's a good thing I don't have to worry about that, otherwise the country would go back to being boring and the Dakotas would no longer be a charred wasteland stalked by giant killer robots in the form of our most famous Presidents when my term in office comes to an end."

"I thought you named yourself President-for-life and rewrote the Constitution—in crayon—to keep it that way," Sam said.

"I did," Max agreed. "But one of those assassins everyone keeps sending after me is bound to succeed sooner or later."

"Not on my watch…" Sam growled.

"Sam and Max, I am glad that we were able to assist you in saving this world from that cursed emo Immortal," Otaku said as Jango took off his helmet and offered a hand to Sam. The not-Arcanine shook it. "Should you ever need help killing a vampire in the future, you can be secure in the knowledge that you are completely unwelcome in San Michel again and we will shoot you on sight, so you'll have to deal with it yourselves."

Sam frowned. "That seems a little unfair. Max didn't even try to eat you this time!"

"Yeah, I didn't even think about it!" Max lied.

"You stole the Sol Giz Mo and tried to feed me to zombies while Jango was fighting Jurgen earlier!" the Sunflora snapped.

"Well, they didn't seem interested in the steaks, so we assumed they were vegetarians," Max said with a shrug, as if that explained everything.

A vein throbbed on Master Otaku's forehead. Before he could explode on Sam and Max, Jango put a calming hand on his mentor's shoulder and held a hand out to the duo, as if expecting something. "Sam, I think he wants that thing you stole back," Sam said.

"Awww, do I have to?" Max complained. "I like having a gun that shoots laser bullets!"

"I'll get you one for Bastille Day," Sam promised.

"Really?" Max asked hopefully.

"No, it'll be a toy gun that flashes and makes lots of noise and doesn't shoot anything other than harmless beams of light that could theoretically blind someone," Sam said.

"Oh boy! That's almost as good!" Max said eagerly. "Okay, I'll get the gizmo."

"Giz Mo," Otaku enunciated.

"Whatever," Max said. He stuck a hand down his throat, rooted around in his stomach, and pulled out a metal gauntlet. "Here you go," he said, putting it in Jango's outstretched hand. The Espeon looked in disgust as the reeking, dripping device and carefully wiped it off on his pants.

"Thank you," Otaku said. "And now that that business is taken care of, we shall return to our world and, with any luck, never see you again."

"Good riddance to you, too," Max said. "I'm sorry I didn't eat you when I had the chance." Otaku glared at him.

"I suppose we should head back to our world, too, now that our business here is taken care of," Sam said. His pocket started vibrating and making the jingle of his old TV show's theme song. "Hmm? Hold that thought, I've got a call."

"When am I gonna get a cell phone?" Max complained.

"When you're responsible enough to use one," Sam said, answering the phone. "Hello? Yes? Yes? No! Yes? No? No! Yes! Yes? No? Holy trout swimming downstream in the wrong direction right into the net of a country-western singing redneck bearshark during sweeps week! We're on our way!" Sam hung up. "That was the Commissioner, Max. Our trip back home is going to have to wait a little longer. He says that we're needed on the seafloor, some aquatic cult of freakishly mutated monkey-fish-jellyfish-squid hybrids is trying to revive an ancient elder god to destroy the world!"

Max frowned. "What, again? Didn't we already do something like that, except it involved a volcano, Bermuda Triangles, Moai with feet, and the evil ghost of our pet goldfish and former vice-president?"

Sam shrugged. "I can't imagine freakishly mutated monkey-fish-jellyfish-squid hybrids have much else to do at the bottom of the ocean but plot to destroy the world. It's not like they have a movie theater or anything down there. They probably do it out of lack of anything better to do."

"I guess so…" Max sighed. "All right, let's take care of it. But if I wind up being high priest of another tribe of sea monkeys, I'm gonna declare a holy war and let both tribes battle to the death for my own amusement."

"Just like a real god should!" Sam said approvingly.

"…Wait, you're going to the bottom of the ocean?" asked a confused Otaku. "How?"

"By driving, of course," Sam said, as if it were obvious.

"Yeah, how else would we get there?" Max asked. "Duh."

"But…I mean…but…but how will you breathe?!" asked the astounded Otaku.

"My necktie functions as a surprisingly sophisticated aqualung," Sam explained.

"And I'm amphibious," Max added.

Otaku's eyes crossed and he started laughing madly. "Ah…yes…amphibious…yes, that makes perfect sense…" Jango sweatdropped.

"We have to go now," Sam said. "So I guess we'll be seeing you…well, never."

"Burn in hell, suckers!" Max said cheerfully.

They got into the DeSoto, which had been feasting on the zombie corpses, and drove away. "…Well," Otaku said finally. "I certainly won't miss those two. Come, Jango, let us return to San Michel." Jango nodded. They turned…

And found, much to their surprise, that the Coffin Cycle was gone. "Jango?" Otaku asked after a long moment. "Where's your bike?" Jango shrugged, a worried look on his face.

The moon vanished. The stars went out. Darkness engulfed everything…

And suddenly the heroes from another world found themselves surrounded by hundreds of glowing red eyes. Jango reached for his weapons and found, much to his surprise, that they were gone. Master Otaku tried to generate a ball of sunlight, but only managed a feeble light that was instantly consumed by shadows. "Oh no…" the Sunflora whispered in horror. "This darkness…it's unlike anything I've ever felt before…is even the Sun powerless before its might?"

"Yep." The red eyes came closer, revealing themselves to be a large congregation of purple vaguely demonic-looking Clefairy. One of them (She was called Bridget, by the way. Thanks for the name, HVK!) took a long drag on a cigarette and fixed the heroes of light with a look of amused disapproval. "Our boss wants to have a word with you."

Jango tensed. "Your boss? What foul creature of the dark do you serve?!" Otaku demanded angrily.

The shadows suddenly turned unbelievably hostile. "Foul creature of the dark? How rude," an ominous voice boomed. A beam of azure light shone down on Jango and Otaku, and they looked up in horror to see an enormous blue eye glaring balefully down at them. "Fools! I AM THE DARKNESS!"

Jango gulped, and Master Otaku squealed in alarm as he realized just who they were dealing with. "D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dark…D-DARKRAI!"

"That's right," the lord of death, darkness, and dire dreams snarled. "And I would like to know what you were thinking, BRINGING LIGHT TO MY DARKNESS!"

Jango and Otaku screamed for what felt like forever as the darkness closed in on them, and then fell silent. Bridget smirked and lit a new cigarette, crushing the spent one beneath her heel. (What do you mean that's not symbolic? Screw you!)

…

Meanwhile, in Almiore…

"Ssso, our nexxxt ssstop isss Pueltown, right?" Evan asked.

Mary nodded. "That's what the map and the Compass says, yes."

"Think ssshe'll be there?" Evan asked, referring to the Princess they were allegedly searching for.

"Probably not," Mary said.

Evan nodded. "Right. And we're going there anyway becaussse…?"

"Because even if she's not there, there's a Compass piece, so we might as well grab them all," Mary said. "After all, if the thing's completed it can find your heart's desire."

"That'sss true," Evan admitted. He sighed longingly. "I already know what my heart'sss desssire isss, though…"

Mary wisely decided to ignore him. "So, Maren, what's Pueltown like?" There was no reply. "Maren?"

"Hmm?" Maren, who had been steering the boat while lost in grim thoughts of her impending fall from grace, blinked. "What is it, Mary?"

"What's Pueltown like?" Mary repeated.

"Oh. It's the biggest city on the continent. It's pretty far inland, so to get there we're going to have to travel quite a ways north up the coast then sail west up the Almiore River to reach it," Maren said.

"A big cccity, huh? Anything like Togetopia?" Evan asked. Togetopia, the capitol city of the Mirage Kingdom, had made a big impression on the Ekans, due to its size and sheer opulence, which far outshined that of Pokemon Square. It was so rich that the streets were literally paved with gold, and even the poorest citizens had homes studded with jewels and crafted with semiprecious metals!

Maren smiled. "It's even bigger, with towering skyscrapers of steel and glass and concrete rising thousands of feet into the air, like artificial mountains!"

Evan's eyes widened in amazement. "Whoa…really? That'sss ssso cool!"

"How can something that tall not fall down?" Mary wondered.

"Very good construction," Maren said. "Pueltown has a little of everything. It's a real melting pot, with Pokemon and cultures from all over the world mixing together in (relative) harmony."

"Sssoundsss like a confusssing placcce…" Evan said. "How're we sssupposssed to find the nexxxt Compasss pieccce in all that?"

"Easy, the Base will point the way, right Gary?" Mary said. There was no reply. Mary turned to look at the Gengar, who was leaning against the railing with his back to them, staring out to sea. "Gary?"

"…Why did you do it, Mary?" he asked quietly after a moment.

Mary sighed. "Oh, not this again…"

"Yes, this again!" he snapped, whirling on her. "I'm the team leader! Why didn't you tell me what you were up to, that you planned to steal the Cup all along?! I can almost understand your lack of faith in my racing skills—it was my first time, after all—but why didn't you tell me what you were going to do?! Don't you at least trust me that much?!"

"Of course I do," Mary said.

"Then why?!" Gary yelled.

"Because I was trying to protect you, you idiot!" she shouted.

Gary blinked. "Huh?"

"If you had known I was going to steal the Cup, you wouldn't have tried your hardest to win the race. By letting you fulfill your fantasies of being a racer, oblivious to my true plans, I was giving you plausible deniability. If I got caught, they would be less inclined to think you were in on it, because it was evident you and Evan were doing everything you could to win—even if you were bad at it--and just like Rick and Chumley said, why would you have tried so hard if you were planning to steal the Cup anyway?" Mary said.

"…Huh. That's a pretty good one, Mary," Gary snarled, not believing her for a second. "You seem to have forgotten something, though. If you were really going for plausible deniability, you and Maren would have gone off somewhere else after nabbing the Cup rather than picking us up before escaping on the boat, because by doing that you made it clear we were all in on it!"

"The plausible deniability was for if we failed. Once we had the Cup and were scot-free, I saw no need to maintain the deception," Mary said.

"Yeah? Well I do! What about Torque?" Gary yelled.

Mary blinked. "What about Torque?"

Gary growled. "If they know we stole the Cup, then they'll assume he was in on it! He gave us access to the race, let us use his car, and his usual team even suffered an oddly convenient accident just before we showed up so that we could drive instead! That all seems pretty suspicious, don't you think? And I'm sure the racing authorities will feel the same way! Where's his plausible deniability, huh?"

"Easy. We left him behind. If he were in on it with us, then we'd just have taken him with us, wouldn't we?" Mary said.

Gary snorted. "Oh, like thieves never betray each other! They'll just say he wanted the Cup badly enough that he teamed up with a gang of hooligans—namely, us—and got left holding the bag!"

"But why would they even think that in the firssst placcce? I mean, yeah, ssso he wasss tied to usss, I can sssee why that might make them sssussspiccciousss of him, but what makesss you ssso sssure he'll take all the blame for what we did?"

"Because somebody has to!" Gary said. "They're going to want somebody to punish to make it look as if they're on top of things, and since we, the actual thieves, are unavailable, then a scapeMareep will have to do! And since his fans would riot if they accused Rick, that leaves Torque as the only viable suspect, since he's the one who gave us a car and access to the race in the first place. We wouldn't have been able to steal the Cup without him, so they'll say it's all his fault."

"…Well…so what if they do?" Mary asked, crossing her arms.

Gary's eyes flashed angrily. "So what? So what?! SO WHAT?! So that means his life will be over! He's been involved in racing all his life; a scandal like this will put him out of a job, possibly forever! His goals, his dreams, his life's meaning…all that will be taken away from him, because we left him to get the blame for our actions! If you had told me of your plan beforehand, we might have thought of a way to take the Cup without making Torque look like a thief. But no, because you had no trust in me as a leader, because you felt confident and positively eager to take matters into your own hands, everything an innocent Pokemon's worked for his entire life has been destroyed! Yet another negative mark on the scoreboard that is Team Nightshade's record of failure!"

"Why do you care so much, anyway?!" Mary demanded, trying to ignore the twinge of guilt Gary's accusations were causing her to feel. "You've never been particularly concerned about all the Pokemon we've stepped on to get where we are now before! What's changed? Why have you turned into such a bleeding heart all of a sudden?"

"What's changed? What's changed?! Oh, I dunno, maybe the fact that our negligent actions CAUSED A POKEMON TO DIE!" Gary shouted, spitting in Mary's face.

Mary stiffened, and Evan fidgeted awkwardly. "Gooey was…an accident…" Mary said after a moment.

"An accident? No, that was nothing short of total incompetence and disregard for another Pokemon's well-being!" Gary snapped.

"I sssaid I wasss sssory," Evan said miserably.

"I know that, and I accepted your apology. I don't hate you for it anymore, but I don't forgive you either," Gary said. Evan pouted.

"Gary-" Mary started.

The Gengar wouldn't have it. "Haven't you guys ever wondered why we're so low on the Rescue Team ranking?"

"Becaussse we aren't essspecccially competent?" Evan suggested.

"Aside from that," Gary said. "It's because we don't care."

Mary blinked. "Huh?"

"We. Don't. Care," Gary repeated. "We don't do missions because we want to help people, we do it because we want to get paid. We avoid missions that are too dangerous or have too little payoff. In doing so we might be dooming someone to die alone in the wild, but usually that person's someone we've never met before, and we rationalized that somebody else would do it if we didn't take the job."

"Usually, somebody did," Mary reminded him.

"That's not the point. This point is this," Gary said. "The reason we're so low on the rankings, why nobody particularly cared when we left town to come out here, why Ash's team and most of his friends and even his adopted children are higher up than we are is because we don't care. They're willing to take on any mission, no matter how risky it is or how little a chance of their getting paid, and it's not just because the more prestigious missions award them lots of points either, but because they're actually committed to doing what they think is the right thing. They care about the lives of others, even people they've never met before. And us? We don't care about anyone but ourselves. And sometimes it seems like we don't even do that very well. Evan's disregard for Gooey's life and safety led to his death. My apathy for Gooey's wellbeing contributed to that, and my pushing Evan away after Gooey's death almost led to what I thought would be his own horrible end at the fangs of Hissssa."

"Exxxcccept that I wasss perfectly fine, and Hissssssa probably would have kidnapped me no matter what," Evan said.

"Yeah, but I didn't know that at the time, and I blamed myself, just like I still blame myself for Gooey's death. And Mary? You're one of my oldest and closest friends, and yet you thought it would be a good idea to steal the Cup without telling me or considering my feelings, or how it could affect other people," Gary said. "After the incident with Groudon and the meteor, we swore we'd give up evil and become good guys. So far, we aren't doing a very good job of that. We're all horrible Pokemon who have no right calling ourselves a Rescue Team."

A melancholy silence hung over the boat as Mary and Evan processed this. "…What do you want us to do about it? We can't change our natures," said Mary.

"Can we?" Evan wondered.

Gary sighed. "I don't know. Maybe. We'll see. I mean; we have to have made some progress from the old days, right? I mean, it's not like we're plotting world domination or calling ourselves something like Team Meanies anymore. (Mon, what were we thinking back then?) And I don't go 'kekekekeke!' all the time. That has to count for something, don't you think?"

"Ssso…what are you sssuggesssting, exxxactly?" Evan asked. "That we try being more like Team Aurabolt?"

"Sure, why not?" Gary said. "They get the job done well, generally get along with each other, and are always making new friends. It can't hurt to emulate them a little, can it?"

"I suppose…" Mary said uncertainly.

"Then we're going to try doing thingsss by the book from now on?" Evan asked, looking oddly excited by this prospect.

"That's the idea, yeah," Gary said. "Or at least be a lighter shade of gray on the morality scale than we currently are. I'm not asking for miracles or anything, just that we…I dunno, try giving a damn about people and the consequences of our actions, you know?"

Evan shrugged. "Sssoundsss good to me."

"I guess we can give it a shot," Mary said reluctantly.

Gary grinned. "That's all I ask."

Incredible, Maren marveled, having eavesdropped on the whole conversation. Yet again they manage to completely surprise me. Every time I think they're incorrigible and completely heartless, they do something like this and make me think that there's a chance for them after all. A thought occurred to her that caused her heart to skip a beat. And if that's the case…then does that mean it may not be too late for me, either? To turn aside from the dark path they're starting to drag me down?

"By the way, Mary, I'm glad to see you've gotten over your seasickness," Gary said.

Mary blinked. "Huh? What do you-" Her face turned green. "Oh Arceusdammit." She rushed to the railing and threw up over the side.

Gary laughed and patted her on the back, causing her to vomit even more. "I accept your apology for undermining my authority and possibly ruining Torque's life."

Mary moaned. "Hate you…so…much…bleaaaarggghhh!"

"That's nice," Gary said cheerfully. Evan snickered.

Maren sweatdropped. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to get my hopes up…

…

Meanwhile, back in the Olive Jungle…

Just as Gary had predicted, Torque the Heracross's life was ruined.

Since the thieves who had taken the Prix Cup were members of Team Nightshade, whom Torque had let into the race and even allowed to drive his car, he had naturally come under suspicion for assisting the criminals in their heist. He had protested his innocence fervently, but the Grand Prix authorities hadn't cared, they needed to punish someone to show the fans and their shareholders that they were doing everything they could to catch the culprits, and Torque was unfortunate enough to be the best scapeMareep they could find. He had been stripped of his license, his team was disbanded, he was forbidden from ever participating in an official race again, he was given a ridiculous fine, his garage had been confiscated, and the remains of the Mach 6 had been completely destroyed.

A rather excessive punishment? Perhaps, but the mons in charge of the world's major racing circuits were powerful and wealthy individuals, giants in the media and automotive industries, and when somebody crossed them, they came down on the poor sap like a Hippowdon dropped by a helicopter. It didn't even matter to them that Torque had in all likelihood had nothing to do with the theft of the Prix Cup, they were out for blood, and didn't particularly care who they took it from. And so Torque, with nowhere left to go, his home stolen from him, his assets seized, and his life utterly ruined, lay in a pathetic heap in a dank alley outside of a bar somewhere in the town of Summerland, the bar's patrons and proprietor not liking a mon who had disgraced the noble sport of wacky racing as badly as he had tarnishing their establishment. They had beaten the crap out of him and thrown him out back so they could get back to their drinking and carousing and passing out and throwing up in the bathroom (if they made it that far).

The Heracross sobbed, his red (and black, due to a few blows to the face) eyes rimmed with tears, his teeth gnashing and his sore and bruised body shaking with equal parts grief and rage and pain. "Team Nightshade…" he whispered hoarsely as he stared up at the cloudless sky. "This…this is all their fault…they ruined my life…they killed the Mach 6…if I ever see them again, I'll-" Two enormous balls of flame burst into life nearby, the heat searing his face and setting the nearby dumpster, full of alcohol-soaked rags and mostly empty bottles, on fire. Torque yelped and scrambled backward, his bruised ribs and broken legs causing him to hiss in pain as he exerted pressure on them. Eight smaller embers appeared around the bigger of the two flames and slowly began to swirl around it. "Whoa! Wh-what the…"

"Do you…want vengeance?" the flame rasped in a demonic voice.

Torque blinked, his eyes watering. "Vengeance?"

The flames coalesced and turned into an immense burning Octillery, while the other became a monstrous evil-looking Cherrim. "I am Gooey, the seeker of vengeance. Do you want revenge?" the Octillery whispered.

Torque's eyes widened, the flames from the monster and from the dumpster reflecting off his pupils. "Revenge?"

The Cherrim nodded. "Yes…Against Team Nightshade!"

Torque narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Revenge…yes! Yes, I want revenge! They ruined my life and my car! I want to make them pay for what they did to me!"

Gooey scoffed. "Your power is fake. Do you think you can defeat them with it?"

"My power?" Torque looked down at his battered and beaten form. "No…no, I can't. Not like this. But then…then how can I…"

"A fake body. A fake awakening. It is useless! I will give you the power!" Gooey roared. One of his tentacles lifted. "My tendril is the fist of the Abyss." The tentacle unfurled. "Blossom, O fallen seed, and draw upon thy hidden powers!" He pointed the tentacle at Torque. "Grant unto thee the power of the glorious Ruler of Evil!"

Torque's eyes danced with glee. Power…the power to take revenge upon Team Nightshade…how could he possibly refuse? "The power…give it to me! Give me all of it! Everything I'll need to crush them and make them suffer for what they've done!"

"As you wish." Gooey's tentacle shot forward, touching Torque on the forehead. In a horrific shriek, the Heracross burst into flames.

Sakurai chuckled. "Don't worry…it won't hurt for long. And when it's over…you will be more powerful than you could possibly imagine!"

When the flames died down, Torque discovered that this was indeed the case. His body had been twisted and changed by Gooey's demonic energies, granting him power beyond his wildest dreams. He had grown considerably, putting on some weight, a slouch, and getting a bit of a hunched back. Warts and hairs sprouted all over his form, which had turned puke-green. His mouth had become much larger and hung open, revealing jagged yellow teeth. His eyes were bloodshot and literally bulging out of their sockets. He was seated in a bizarre hot rod with flame decals painted on the sides that seemed too small for him and resembled the Mach 6, with a long, slender lever ending in an eight-ball that he clutched tightly in one hand. He laughed insanely, gibbering as he revved the engine and caused flames to spew from his vehicle's exhaust pipes. "It is done…" Gooey intoned. "Arise, my brother…Bug Fink, the Deadly Driver!"

"GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the newly christened monster howled.

"Three of us, and three of them…it would look as if our alliance is complete, my brother," Sakurai commented to Gooey. "We are now a match for Team Nightshade."

"No…we are far superior to them!" Gooey said, his tentacles flailing about and setting fire to more of the alley. "As they shall discover for themselves soon enough, when Team Perdition comes for their souls! Come! Let us seek them out and throw them into the fires of our hatred, so that they shall suffer as we have suffered. Our vengeance is nigh!"

The trio of monsters laughed evilly, and vanished in a burst of flame that turned the alley into an inferno. The fire alarm went off inside the bar, and the drunken patrons winced and clutched their heads in pain, wondering what was with all the noise and why the bartender was driving them all outside into the harsh, burning sunlight with his broomstick. As everyone nearby evacuated to escape the swiftly-growing blaze and the local fire-fighters were woken up from their afternoon nap to go deal with it, nobody noticed a Cherubi and a giant two-headed Seviper wearing tons of gaudy jewelry, two bowl-shaped hats with lots of wax fruit piled onto them, and two pairs of fake glasses with giant noses and mustaches to hide the fact that she was a giant two-headed Seviper stayed behind, looking in dismay at the fire. "Damn…we were too late!" Jerry said.

"Now they have a full team…" Hissssa's first head (who, by the way, we can call Hiss for simplicity's sake) hissed.

"And now they're going to go after Evan! And thossse other Pokemon he hangsss out with," the second head (who, by the way, we can call Ssa) said worriedly.

"We have to go after them…Team Nightshade doesn't know the grave danger they're in, and we're the only ones who can warn them!" Jerry said.

"Then let'sss put the lead out and get going!" Hiss said.

Jerry nodded. "Right!"

"Uh, one problem…" Ssa hissed. "Where isss Team Nightssshade going nexxxt?"

There was a long pause. Jerry sagged. "…That is a very good question."

…

Somewhere else entirely…

"Honestly, what were you thinking?!" Algebrea ranted as she stormed down the organic-and-crystal hallway leading to the bridge of the universe-sized living spaceship. "You could have been killed! Look, I understand why you might be averse to the idea of a hive mind, given your past, but don't you think jumping to your death was a bit of an overreaction? If we hadn't caught you in time, you might have landed in a Sol or something, and then where would you be?" Misty, who was imprisoned in a bubble floating beside the datafairy (for her own safety, apparently), said nothing. Algebrea sighed. "Still giving me the silent treatment, huh? Fine, maybe our leader can get you to loosen up a little. He has that effect on people. And not necessarily by prying into their minds, either, he just has this sort of…charisma. You know what I mean." Misty still said nothing. Algebrea shrugged and stopped before a circular crystal door. "Anyway, we're here." She touched the door. Much like every other portal on the vessel, it folded inwards, granting them egress. They went inside.

And it was then that Misty finally realized who her savior was.

The Savior.

The ship's bridge was an immense chamber, high and vaulted like a cathedral, and made almost completely of orange and blue organic tissue with bits of purple crystal growing from the walls and ceiling in elaborate patterns. These crystals were being maintained by dozens of orange and blue tentacled aliens in a variety of shapes and sizes, patterns of light flashing back and forth between their purple crystal cores as they communicated with each other and with the crystal computers they were monning. Misty recognized these aliens as Deoxyses, or rather, probes of the original Deoxys, which the Savior sent out into the Omniverse to observe and record and to help worlds in need. The probes' creator and master of the ship was in the center of the room, a magnificent purple crystalline growth of amazing proportions with colored lights coursing in circuits throughout its interior, numerous organic and crystalline cables growing from it to the ceiling and to many of the other Deoxyses floating around the bridge. Four Deoxyses that were larger and more colorful than the others were also tethered to the giant crystal. None of them had crystal cores, and each of them resembled one of the Savior's legendary four Formes: Normal, Attack, Defense, and Speed. Misty's accumulated knowledge informed her that the crystal was the 'true' Deoxys, and the bodies floating around it were the vessels the entity used to communicate to people that were not already connected to its ship-spanning network. Each Forme represented a facet of the being's personality: Attack was Anger and aggression, Defense was Sadness and doubt, Speed was Happiness and humor, and Normal was Reason and balance, or something like that.

Misty found herself troubled by this influx of information as Algebrea guided her past the myriad working probes towards the central crystal. She had always been raised to believe that the Savior was one of the greatest and most revered of heroes, an alien being that traveled the Omniverse fighting injustice and saving worlds in need of destruction, including her own. Nobody had ever mentioned that he had a hive consciousness and could control trillions of people's minds with just a thought. Now she found herself questioning the stories, and wondered if she had been rescued for as altruistic a reason as Algebrea had claimed. Nothing with a hive mind could be trusted. Nothing.

As the Datafairy and the Vaporeon reached the monolithic crystal, they found that they were not the only individuals here seeking an audience with the alien. The four Forme bodies were conversing with a hologram about some important matter. "Oh, this should be interesting," Algebrea commented as she noticed who the hologram was. Misty frowned, wondering what her captor meant.

The Speed body gave them a brief, cheerful nod of recognition and gestured for them to wait a moment. The Normal body finished realying a detailed series of instructions that Misty realized was an incredibly complex chemical formula her ingrained knowledge told her was the blueprints for a substance that could grow vast amounts of cheap, easily replenishable food in hostile climates to the hologram. "…And once you administer that to the atmosphere, Your Excellency, it will condense into clouds that will rain lifegiving nutrients into the soil, allowing crops to grow and solving your famine problem."

"Assuming it doesn't cause the atmosphere to ignite and incinerate everyone on the planet," the Defense body said morosely. "Or turn into poison."

"Oh, shut up, will you? Why do you always have to be so down in the dumps? It makes me angry!" the Attack body snarled.

"Everythingmakesyouangry. Hoohoohoohoohoo!" the Speed body laughed rapidly.

"That makes me angry too," the Attack body growled.

The hologram bowed graciously. "Many thanks, Deoxys. The populations of dozens of worlds will no longer have to starve as a result of the dreaded Puce Blight…and as their hunger pangs go down, perhaps so too will the latest talk of rebellion."

"I doubt it. Those idiots will find any reason to throw up arms," Attack said.

"Whycan'?" Speed wondered.

"Because they don't have much to begin with?" Defense said gloomily. "Who can blame them for wanting a little more?"

"And they will have more now, once I have my chief scientist Dr. Tarantulas synthesize enough of this chemical to feed them all," the hologram said. Misty started. Tarantulas?! What was the Savior doing helping someone involved with him?!

"I am glad I could be of assistance," Normal said. "I am sure you are a busy god-queen, but before you go, I would like you to meet my latest guest. I think both of you will find the encounter…enlightening."

Curious, the hologram turned…

And Misty gasped, because she found herself looking at…herself.

She knew, both from school and from experience, that the Omniverse was a mind-numbingly vast place, and that theoretically anything that could happen happened somewhere. Theoretically. In practice, it wasn't quite as simple. If everything that could happen did happen, then the Omniverse would be a much worse place and have destroyed itself several times over by now. For example, let's say in one universe a group of heroes fought and defeated a monster capable of warping reality and consuming time itself. That's well and good, but if the aforementioned theory were correct, that would mean there would also be a universe where they lost, and as a result the monster devoured all of reality and unmade existence, in spite of the victory of the heroes in the first timeline. However, such a universe did not exist, and a catastrophe like has not come to pass.

Why was this? Like most things involving the running and maintenance of the Omniverse, it's because the Guardians took care of it. A division known as the Temporal Knights, headed by Dialga and staffed to a large extent by Celebi (Which was not to say that most of the Knights were Celebis, which would be silly, since there was only one Celebi. Celebi just happened to be able to exist simultaneously in multiple times and places, keeping the Knights from having to worry about limited manpower like some of the other Guardian branches did) was responsible for routinely pruning reality and making sure that no timeline came into being that could threaten the stability of the great mishmash of multiverses that made up the Omniverse. In practice this meant that, whenever a timeline or universe took an irreversible turn for the worse, and there was no chance of it getting better anytime soon, the Knights took pity on it and performed a mercy kill by 'deleting' it from existence.

This might sound horrible, but all the people who lived in that erased universe got reincarnated elsewhere eventually, so the Knights didn't see anything particularly unethical about it, just as a gardener rarely thought twice about removing weeds from his garden so that the rest of his plants could grow strong and healthy. The reasons for deleting a universe varied, but in general they removed universes where life was cheap and sucked for just about everyone, where evil almost always won and the 'good guys' were almost indistinguishable from the villains, where pain and misery and despair were a constant, where the sheer bleakness and negativity of that universe threatened to overwhelm its neighbors, and where happy endings never happened. Universes like these were dubbed 'crapsacks,' and if the residents of those worlds, after receiving fair warning in advance from the Temporal Knights, were unable to turn things around, they were annihilated and reborn elsewhere in a different universe, one usually a lot nicer.

It was from one of these crapsack universes that the being standing before Misty, Misteria Wilhelmina Aquaflora the Only, God-Empress of the Otopian Dynasty, Supreme Ruler of a Billion Worlds, Mistress of Many Waters, the Sun Queen, Chosen of the Eternus, Earth's Avatar, Beloved Tyrant, Keeper of the Flame of Pythar, Knower of Many Secrets, Tender of the Hearth of Life, Mother of Thousands, Lover of Thousands, the Great Decider, High Priest of the K'ch*l'ncd'ce, (etc, etc,) and winner of the annual Most Titles for One Person award seven hundred and forty-six years in a row had been born several thousand years ago. (Yes, technically this made her being Misty's parallel self from an alternate universe rather difficult to believe, but time works in funny ways, so just don't think about it too much, okay?)

The Earth in that universe had been a truly awful one, a polluted post-apocalyptic wasteland where the remnants of human and Pokemonkind waged endless wars on each other, having long forgotten the reasons why. All the lingering nations still clinging to life were totalitarian dictatorships indistinguishable from each other and controlled by the military, corporations, corrupt churches, secret societies, or all of the above at the same time, where anyone could be picked off the street and killed, raped, thrown into combat, or subjected to experiments even more horrific than the ones Tarantulas performed on a regular basis without reason or justification. Life was short, brutal, and immensely painful for anyone not at the top of the society--which was pretty much everybody--and the best fate most people could hope for was to die from exhaustion and overwork at the ripe old age of twenty or, if you were one of the 'breeders' forced to churn out new babies for the labor force or army, dying of childbirth. Freedom wasn't just out of reach, it had vanished from the dictionary altogether ages ago, along with joy, peace, love, hope, dreams, and other fairy-tale concepts, except they weren't fairy-tales because people didn't have any of those either. They didn't have anything. Life was one long, unbroken chain of pain and despair from agonized birth to merciful death, with few ever realizing (or even imagining) that there might be more to existence than this.

One of these nations, no worse than any of the others (since they were all equally horrible), began a project to splice human and Pokemon DNA together to create unstoppable hybrid super-soldiers to crush their enemies. Misteria, who had then been known as Worker #139192025, was selected at random from the assembly lines at the weapons factory to serve as one of the test subjects in the project, and had, through an unimaginably torturous and agonizing process that took seventeen months to complete and almost drove her mad from the nearly-constant pain, been turned into a fusion of human and Vaporeon. She was promptly put on the frontlines along with some of her fellow subjects, all of whom were killed by friendly fire and incompetence on all sides except for her. It turned out that, due to a fluke in the process that had created her, she had somehow gained immortality and could not be killed by any of the weapons the opposing army (or her own) could use on her. Her country's government was naturally delighted and began making plans to clone an army of her. Misteria's sanity, already fragile what with being born into a world where she was forced into a life of hard labor eighteen hours a day since she was three, been horribly experimented on and stripped of her humanity, and lost the closest things she had to friends and people she could relate to in a pointless and bloody battle, finally snapped and murdered almost the entire ruling body of her nation in a fit of maddened rage. Nothing could stop her. By the time she stopped seeing red and the blood dripped off her claws, she found herself the most powerful being in the country, with none left to stop her and everyone else apparently regarding her as some sort of terrifying vengeful guardian deity who was now their ruler. Realizing she could use this to her advantage to effect a change in the way things were, Misteria accepted her 'divine' status as well as a new name, releasing the remaining experiments and reforming a much more benevolent government under their control.

Unfortunately, without the harsh rule of their predecessors, the new country was now threatened with destruction by its neighbors. Seeking to escape the endless cycle of war and bloodshed, Misteria decided the quickest way to stop the violence and create a lasting peace was to conquer the world and unite its fragmented peoples under her rule to rebuild the planet. She started by conquering the feuding Pokemon tribes, using the hybrid status of herself and her fellow experiments to defeat and usurp control from the tribal leaders, then used their combined powers to crush the enemy armies and take over their home cities, swiftly adding them to her growing empire and managing to dominate the entire world (what was left of it, anyway) in a few short months. Resistance was bitter and bloody, but didn't last long when the people realized Misteria was a lot more competent and interested in their well-being than their former masters, after which they eagerly welcomed and began worshipping her with open arms. Under Misteria's leadership, they turned Pokemon power and human technology to reconstruction purposes, mending the environment and turning the world green again over a process that took many generations, and their new immortal God-Queen was happy to be involved in.

However, while things were looking up for Earth, the rest of the universe got progressively worse as galactic empires waged war on each other, destroying entire solar systems and killing billions of noncombatants as they struggled for domination. The Temporal Knights, worried this conflict would bleed into other universes, warned the inhabitants that they were now on the docket for termination, and if they didn't shape up within a thousand years, they would be erased from existence. Rather than calling a ceasefire and focusing their efforts on rebuilding their societies and dealing with the real problems that they had been able to ignore by gearing the economy for a state of constant warfare like rational people, the empires fought each other even harder, reasoning that if they were the last group standing than the universe would be at peace and there would be no reason for the gods to destroy them. Misty was, understandably, sickened by this stupidity and small-mindedness and set out with the stubbornness that seemed to be innate to all Mistys everywhere to do the impossible and conquer the universe so she could save the universe. Through goads and ultimatums and holding the ticking time limit over their heads, she was able to push her scientists to develop a small army of spaceships with faster-than-light capability in just a few decades. Misteria took this small armada and struck off into space, striking at the closest empire and using the element of surprise and an intricate groundwork advance spies had laid out for her to quickly overthrow the current rulers and place herself in charge of the entire galaxy. As on Earth, resistance died rather quickly when the populace realized she was more interested in saving the universe than continuing an eons-long war, so were more than happy to serve her, especially when she introduced several civil rights and liberties they had sorely been lacking and hadn't even realized they could use. The other empires heard of this and started gearing up for more fighting, but their people began to hope again, realizing that freedom and a better future might be possible after all. They launched rebellions against their governments at the same time Misteria's fleets engaged the enemy armadas, a two-pronged strike that created a state of chaos and made it relatively easy for Misteria to step in and seize power, bringing the myriad galaxies under her control and ending the war.

Once that mess was taken care of, she worked her new subjects to the bone trying to fix all the problems left over from the previous regime and make their worlds places worth living in. They managed to get the job done and the universe cleansed of the sorrow and pain corrupting it a few centuries ahead of the deadline. The Temporal Knights were very impressed, and cancelled their plans to erase the timeline. They told Misteria that she had done a wonderful job, and wished that all the other crapsack universes cleaned up as well as hers had. If they did, their job would be a lot easier. This revelation was astounding to Misteria. She'd known in theory that there were other universes besides her own, but hadn't really thought much about them. The idea that there were other universes that had been as bad off as hers had been was troubling, and she asked the Temporal Knights if there was anything she could do about those universes, to save them from themselves and spare them from deletion. The Knights jokingly replied that maybe she should try conquering them and setting them in order like she had done with her own universe, since she'd done such a good job so far.

They hadn't expected her to take that advice seriously and do just that. She tasked her scientists to work on constructing technology that would allow for inter-universal travel, pushing them to their limits as she always did. She wore a velvet glove, but there was still an iron fist underneath it, and she was not remiss to using 'persuasion' when she thought it necessary. In a few short decades, she had several fleets' worth of ships capable of flying to other universes. She promptly sent them out to locate any crapsack universes close to her own and begin work on conquering and repairing them immediately.

And that's exactly what they did. Within a few millennia, her empire was now one that spanned at least two dozen universes, was one of the most prosperous places in the Omniverse, and seemed perfectly happy to keep on growing and prospering. The Guardians were more than a little worried about this, but when Misteria made it clear she was only interested in taking over the crapsack worlds—since those were the ones she believed needed her rule the most, and the others could take care of themselves—they somewhat reluctantly decided to let her keep doing what she was doing on a trial basis. Even though she was technically a tyrannical dictator, no matter how benevolent, her results were more than a little remarkable. It was made clear, however, that they would move in to stop her if she set her sights on any universes that were capable of saving themselves. She rather calmly told them that they could try.

They hadn't quite liked the sound of that. To hide this and keep her from thinking they were afraid of her or something silly like that, she was granted full deity status, with all the privileges that rank came with; such as receiving power from the prayers and worship of her subjects so long as she continued doing things to warrant such praise, regular invitations to all the big multi-pantheon shindigs and conventions, the ability to create life to serve her so long as she did not abuse it, and the knowledge that if they ever needed to call upon her to help them with something for any reason, she'd better come running at once or else she'd be stripped of everything in a heartbeat and demoted back to mortal. She hadn't liked the sound of that, but didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. Arceus was very forgiving, but gods who he felt were abusing their power or failing to live up to their duty quickly found themselves in a very uncomfortable position.

All this information flashed through Misty's head in a fraction of a second, probably much quicker than it took you to read all that backstory. She stared at what her 'sister' from another world looked like, awed and more than a little intimidated by how different—and yet, eerily the same—they were. Misteria was much larger than Misty, due to the human part of her, a bipedal Vaporeon with a figure much like Gardevoir's and longer and shapelier limbs than Misty was used to seeing. She was clad in a simple black strapless gown that glittered as if it were a tract of starry space woven into a sleek, form-fitting cloth that accentuated her curves. (It was, actually. And it hadn't been easy to get, either! But that's a story for another day.) The God-Empress of several million worlds did not wear as much jewelry as one might expect, just a few rings adorning her fingers—and there were five digits per hand! How weird!—a simple silver necklace with a blue teardrop-shaped crystal dangling from the front, a small crystal tiara, and spherical earrings that looked like they contained miniature stars. Other than that, she was incredibly beautiful, making Misty feel more than a little self-conscious and inadequate, with elegant fins and huge glossy black eyes and smooth blue skin and a long mane of luxurious red hair flowing down her back in waves. She also had a very large…tail. Oh, and those things Jynx had, too, though not quite as big. Or jiggly. Looking at her, you wouldn't think she was someone who had spent her childhood and teenage years as a slave in a hellish factory and laboratory. She'd really come up in the world. Rather inspiring, really, and one of the biggest success stories in the Omniverse.

It was clear from the way she was looking at Misty that Misteria was appraising her less human counterpart as well. Misty wondered how she measured up in her other self's older and much wiser eyes, so much like her own. "I see…" the Empress murmured. "She is a parallel of myself?"

"Or you're a parallel of her," Defense suggested gloomily.

"Oryou'reparallelsofeachother! Who',right? Weehehehehoo!" Speed giggled.

"How did she manage to come into your care?" Misteria asked.

"Much like you, she has had a rather hard life, though not quite as bad as yours was prior to your ascension," Normal said.

"Your universe really used to suck. I wonder if it'll backslide…" Defense said morosely.

"Much like you, she was pressed into slavery at an early age and experimented on cruelly, though in between she experienced freedom and gained many friends, something you were denied initially," Normal continued. "One of those experiments resulted in her being scattered into space, where I found her. Oh, and made her immortal, like you." Misty blinked. What had he just said?

"Hmm…it's strange how similar events seem to happen to parallels of the same people no matter what the universe, isn't it?" Misteria commented.

Algebrea nodded. "It's like there's some grand unifying pattern to everything. We've been trying to decipher it for ages, but it's still one equation far beyond our calculating abilities. Even the Life Equation was easier to crack than this!"

"It's probably got an obvious answer we're all overlooking that's really stupid and pointless," Defense said pessimistically. "Like 42 or something."

Speed laughed. "42? That'stoosillyevenforme! Ahahahahaha!"

"Um, excuse me? Could you back up for a minute?" Misty asked, speaking for the first time in over an hour. "What was that about me being immortal again?"

"Oh, I forgot to mention it?" Algebrea said apologetically. "I'm sorry. I meant to tell you earlier. All that cosmic wisdom you absorbed didn't just encode your cells with knowledge, it infused your atoms with enough energy to give you eternal life. So long as even a single molecule of you remains intact, you can never die. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Wonderful?! I'm going to outlive all my friends and everyone I care about! I'll be alone forever!" Misty cried in horror.

"Pretty much, yeah," Defense said darkly.

"Oh,lightenup! Itwon'tbethatbad! Youcanalwaysmakenewfriends! Idoallthetime," Speed said encouragingly.

"And if you're worried about your Ash dying, there are ways around that. I haven't found a way to make him immortal yet or recreate the series of events that resulted in my own deification, but I've managed to increase his life span by centuries, and whenever he gets too old and dies I just clone him back to life so I never have to worry about him leaving me," Misteria said.

Misty bit down her initial gut reaction to scream that she had no interest in Ash. This was her other self she was talking to. She had probably been in the exact same place as Misty was regarding him at some point in her long life. There was no point in lying to her (or to herself) about her feelings regarding Ash. "I'll…keep that in mind," she said uneasily.

"I was somewhat alarmed too when I found out what I had become…but in time I grew to accept it, even cherish the gift of eternal life that I have been given. I hope you will as well, someday," Misteria said.

"Um, thanks," Misty said.

"I must be going now," Misteria apologized, both to Misty and Deoxys. "There's always work that needs doing when it comes to conquering and reshaping universes. It was nice meeting you, my 'sister.' I see in you what I might have been in a different lifetime. I hope you find happiness as I have."

"…So do I," Misty said quietly.

"Farewell. I hope we meet again." Misteria's hologram flickered and vanished.

"Meeting yourself is always interesting, isn't it?" Algebrea commented, noticing the thoughtful look on Misty's face. "It's enlightening to see what you might have been under different circumstances. And sometimes rather terrifying. Would you believe that there's a parallel of you out there that's a cannibalistic psychopath? In her universe, Ash was her first victim."

"That's love for you," Defense said moodily.

"…Gee, thanks. I really needed to hear that," Misty said, looking disgusted.

"Oh,andwehaven'tevenmentionedtheMistywho-" Speed started.

Attack smacked him. "She doesn't need to hear about that one, dummy, who wants to hear that in another universe they're a giant world-eating monster?...Crap, I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Yep," Attack said cheerfully.

"Yes," Defense said sourly.

"I'm afraid so," Normal said.

"Sorry," Attack apologized.

Misty sweatdropped. "A world-eating monster?!" Is that supposed to be a crack about my weight or something?

"There are worse things you could be," Normal said.

"Like what?!" Misty yelled. "Don't answer that!" She snapped at Defense. He sulked.

Normal glanced at Algebrea. "Algebrea, thank you for bringing her here. You may go now. We would like to talk to her in private."

Algebrea nodded, the bubble dissolving and dropping Misty to the ground. "All right."

"Wait!" Misty cried in alarm. "Don't leave me alone with him!"

Algebrea smiled reassuringly. "Don't be afraid, you couldn't be in safer hands. Or tentacles. Whatever."

"But-" Misty protested, but it was to no avail. Algebrea vanished in a flurry of numbers and mathematical signs, leaving Misty alone with Deoxys. (Well, unless you counted the dozens of probes, but they were all Deoxys too, so they didn't count.) "No…"

"Misty, I assure you, you have nothing to fear from us," Normal said soothingly.

"Nothing?!" she snarled, backing away from the alien. "You're a hive mind that becomes stronger and smarter by assimilating people into your neural network! I have everything to fear from you!"

"Well,that'sonewayoflookingatit,hehe," Speed admitted.

"It's also the wrong way," Attack grunted.

"Why does everyone always assume that? It's not fair! We're not trying to hurt anyone!" Defense complained miserably.

"The only people we 'assimilate' are those who choose to become part of the crew. They would be unable to fulfill their duties if they were not connected to the ship itself, to each other, and to me," Normal said. "And even once they are connected to me, they still retain independent thought and consciousness, rather than simply being mindless drone bodies like you seem to think they would be. Since you are a guest and may leave whenever you wish, there is no need for you to receive the implant that would allow you to better interface with the ship. Not unless you wanted to stay here with us, that is."

"I don't see why she'd want to, though, what with her crippling phobia and all," Defense said with great melancholy.

Speed nodded. "Andwe'renotevenbugs,either! Well,someofthecrewis,okay,butwe'resentientsilicon-basedviruses! There'snothingterrifyingaboutus. Unlessyou'reasilicon-basedlifeform. Orarobot. Whichsheisn't. Orisshe?"

Misty sweatdropped. Attack smacked him. "Why do you even talk? Ugh, I'd be a lot happier if you just kept your thoughts to yourself," the tentacled alien growled.

"…ButmythoughtsAREyourthoughts. We'rethesameperson," Speed pointed out.

Attack sighed. "Don't remind me…"

Misty frowned, returning the conversation to the subject at hand. "I can leave whenever I can? As if! Where would I go? We're drifting in the middle of space! Even if we were near a planet and you dropped me off, I'd still be stuck on some hostile alien world far from home! The only place I want to go is back to my Earth-"

"All right," Normal said.

"And if you don't take me there, so help me I'll…wait, what?" Misty asked.

"I said all right. We'll take you home," Normal said.

"We were going to anyway. Sheesh. Who do you think we are?" Attack grumbled. "Don't answer that!" he snapped at Defense, who had been about to say something.

"We'dloveforyoutostay,," Speed said.

"I don't see why you'd want to go back there, though. Seems like a terrible place at the moment…" Defense moped.

"Which is why she has to go back, you moron! To fix things, and hopefully kick that arachnid android's shiny metal abdomen!" Attack said.

"Cyborg," Speed corrected.

"What?" said Attack.

"Hestillhasorganicpartssohe'sacyborg,notan-" Speed started to explain.

"Does it LOOK like I give a damn?!" Attack shouted in exasperation.

"You're really going to take me home?" Misty asked in disbelief.

Normal nodded. "Of course. We found you adrift in time and space, far from your world. What sort of philanthropists would we be if, after reassembling your molecules, we did not aid you in your journey home?"

"Pretty terrible ones," Defense said moodily.

"Besides, after we saw what those bastards are up to in your memories, we knew we had to put a stop to it," Attack growled. "We routinely send probes out to check on worlds we've visited in the past and make sure they're doing all right. But the one we sent to your world hasn't reported back in a while."

Misty frowned. "The one you sent to…" She gasped. "Oh! I remember now! My friends Ash and Pikachu encountered it in Meteor Cave a few months ago!"

"That recently? Then it must still be alive…" Normal said.

Speed nodded. "Yeah,we'dhaveknownifitweredeadbynow. Andsincewehaven'tgottenasignalofanykind…thatmeanssomeone'skeepingitlockedupsomewhere,whereitcan'tcontactus."

"Probably the Nihilators," Defense sighed. "That sounds like something they'd do. The poor thing's probably being tortured horribly into spilling all our secrets. They'll probably be ready for us when we show up."

"Who cares? We'll take 'em down anyway!" Attack said, jabbing his tentacles at an imaginary opponent. "We've got one of the best damn ships in the whole Omniverse! I'd like to see those creeps try to beat it!"

"Hehehehe,that'llbefun!" Speed giggled.

Misty frowned. They were going to take her home and help save the world? It sounded too good to be true. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Normal said.

"Other than the fact that we'll probably be too late and your world will already be destroyed by the time we get there," Defense moaned.

Misty started. "What?!"

"What my friend means to say is that we are rather far from your home universe at the moment," Normal said. "Take a look at this."

The crystal behind the aliens glowed and projected an image into the air. It was amazingly complex and intricate and seemed to exist on multiple levels and planes, and were Misty's mind not buffered by the multiversal knowledge she had absorbed she might have gone insane just looking at it. She realized at once that it was a map of the entire Omniverse. "It's so big," she whispered in awe. "And beautiful…like the biggest, most intricate snowflake I've ever seen!"

"It's way too big. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep track of everything?" Defense complained.

"Right now, our ship is here," Normal said, pointing at the map. A small blinking spot appeared alongside one of the distant branches of the magnificent, almost organic masterpiece of worlds and timelines that was the Omniverse. "And your Earth…" He pointed somewhere else, causing another blinking spot to appear. "Is over here."

Misty's heart sank. Her world was almost on the other side of the map from their ship. "It's that far away? I had no idea I was scattered so far…"

"We found pieces of you all over the place! You have no idea how tough it was to put you back together!" Attack said.

"I'm amazed we managed to do it. It seemed impossible," Defense said.

"Ididn'tthinkitwassobad. Ilikesolvingjigsawpuzzles!" Speed said. "."

"I am afraid that, even going at top speed, it will take us quite some time before we reach your world," Normal said apologetically.

"! AndI'mtheSpeedguy!" Speed said.

"Do you see why I told you there's no point? Your world is so far away by the time we get there, the Nihilators will probably have won," Defense said.

"No…" Misty whispered, shoulders sagging in despair. She paused. Her eyes hardened. "No…I refuse to believe that! My friends won't let the Nihilators win without a fight! Ash and Pikachu and everyone else in Pokemon Square will do everything they can to protect my world! I refuse to believe that Earth won't still be there by the time we show up! I refuse to believe that Oblivion's Shadow and his cronies will win!"

"That'sthespirit!" S0eed said encouragingly.

"Yeah, with that attitude, you'll probably be able to beat them single-pawedly!" Attack said. "Though you'll need a little help from us, of course."

"We will do whatever it takes to help you save your world and your friends," Normal promised gravely. "It's what we do."

"I…thank you," Misty said. "That's…you have no idea how much that means to me."

"Alot?" Speed joked.

"It'll all end in tears, I'm sure of it…" Defense muttered.

"Yeah…their tears, after we've beaten the crap out of them!" Attack said.

"But just because you're giving me a lift and helping me save my world doesn't mean I trust you guys," Misty warned them. "If I had another option available that I thought would get me home faster, any option at all, I'd take it in a heartbeat. I can't trust anything that has a hive mind. Not after all the pain they've caused me…"

"…Geez. Ungrateful much?" Attack grunted.

"Typical," Defense sighed.

"Awww,youdon'treallymeanthat,doyou?" Speed asked, looking hurt. "Wejustwanttobeyourfriends!"

"Yeah," Misty snarled. "By getting into my head and making me a part of your collective! It's bad enough that you looked at my memories before, nobody messes around in my head without my permission!"

"That might be a little tricky, what with us being Psychics and all," Defense pointed out.

"I. Don't. Care," Misty growled.

Normal sighed. "While your mistrust and suspicion are regrettable, if you choose to feel that way, it's your right to do so. I hope that in the time you will be spending with us, you will be persuaded to change your mind, however."

"Not very likely," Misty said bluntly.

"We'll see about that," Attack said.

"Yeah,we'-down!" Speed said. "Iwoulddemonstrate,butIdon'thaveamouth."

A probe floated over to them. "We have prepared quarters for you in the Water sphere. This probe will escort you to them. Please do not stray from his side, this ship is vast and it's rather easy to get lost if you don't know your way around," Normal said.

"You could wander for days without seeing another face and finally drop dead of starvation or thirst," Defense said. "Well, not that thirst is really a problem for you, and you're immortal now so starvation probably isn't either, but you get my drift."

Attack sighed in frustration. "Will you quit it with the horror stories? You know as well as I do that that's never happened!"

"Not yet, anyway," Defense said.

"If you'll please follow me, Miss Waterflower?" the probe said politely. Reluctantly, Misty nodded and followed him.

"Farewell for now," Misty," Normal said.

"Ihopeyouenjoyyourstay!" Speed called brightly after her.

"Although you probably won't," Defense said. Attack smacked him.

Misty narrowed her eyes as she followed the probe out of the room. He's right, she thought to herself. I won't. No matter how nice they might be, a hive mind's a hive mind, and you can never trust a hive mind.

Never.

…

And that ends that interlude. Wow, these chapters just get longer and longer, don't they? Is that a problem for anyone? I could try trimming it down, but I don't know how successful I would be.

Anyway, lots of neat stuff happened this chapter, building up for the awesomeness of the next arc! You'll get to meet one of the coolest members to join Team Aurabolt next time…whenever that is. Damn schoolwork.