Chapter 37: Bryce

Schael Corwin invited herself along, after our encounter with Captain Brage. Proof of his identity in hand, she still claimed no one would believe her story unless it was confirmed by witnesses.

I could understand that defense, as a matter of protocol, though I believe she might be overestimating the value of such, this being her first mission as a member of the Flaming Fist. But why did she come along at all? "We buried a man together, I think that makes us something besides strangers." She said, which, again, I could understand, but I still wasn't sure of her intentions, not fully.

That night, something even stranger happened.

An often overlooked part of the life of an adventurer is that of the defense of one's home, no matter where it might be. Camp is prepared, and the most exhausted drift off to slumber, of course, but who watches out for the rest of us?

Casting my gaze into yet another swath of impenetrable darkness, I couldn't think of philosophy. My job was to observe our surroundings, nothing more and nothing less. Not to think about the horrors, known and unknown, that could spring forth from the depths. Not the uncertainty that held my mind in a kind of iron grip, the fear.

What if I wasn't good enough? What if I let Imoen, Khalid and Jaheira, the others, down? If my concentration wavered, even for an instant, if I returned to a time when I had no other choice, when all I could see wasn't in front of me, but behind, if -

I almost drew a blade on the first presence I felt nearby. But its energy was steady, sure and calm. I hadn't quite acclimated to her, but -

"Corwin, what are you doing up?" I called out to the shadows.

"Wow, thought you were bluffing about the sixth sense thing." She comes into view, making room for herself on the stump where I sat, finding a seat next to me.

She was close. Not uncomfortably so, of course, but close enough that I was aware of her. My senses, already sharpened to an extent, had no choice but to tell me as such. Her physical beauty, rough-hewn but still with some sort of grandeur, stone steps leading down into a quarry. Her scar, running jagged across and down her cheek. The rising and falling air of her breaths.

But, as was the case with Basilius and his minions, it was the smell that overwhelmed me. How had I lived for twenty years and never noticed how people smelled before? But this was not a case of admonishing a half-orc child for his lack of hygiene. No, this smell was something...primal. Something powerful. Something dangerous, uncontrollable. Animal. Bestial.

"Bluffing? What cause would I have to bluff something like that?" My tone remains casual, but stilted. I'm clearly holding something back, forcing something to distract, banal conversation.

She thinks carefully on her reply, fingers tracing her scar. "Maybe not bluffing. But...okay, let me ask you this." She turns slightly, to face me, and I, her. "A little pink birdie told me that you always take first watch. Is that true?"

Yes, it is. I don't see what that has to do with...? She giggles at my furrowed brow. "Well?" She continues, looking rather amused at my confusion.

"First and last, most nights."

"Hmm, how does that work?"

"The others rest, and I," I gesture out to the night, continuing, "take the first hour or so. I sleep, after being relieved, and come back when the others have finished their duties, then we wake with the dawn, and continue on our way."

"Mhm," she nods along.

"I don't understand what relevance that has to my..." I consider the word to use. "You know." I decide not to use a word, but an implication.

"Well, it's like this." She starts, moving her hands together. "Let's say you do have some kind of third eye, sixth sense thing going on." She spreads her hands out. "When you take watch, you can...see so much more than other people. Right?"

"I suppose."

"Is that why you do it? First and last?"

I turn away, moving from a world filled with beauty and light to one filled with...darkness. Uncertainty. Murder.

"No."

She looks annoyed. "Well, why then?" She huffs.

"It's nothing so noble. My senses give me an advantage, of course, but...there's just so much that can happen. So much we can't see. I just have to know, Corwin." I glance at her sidelong, finishing, "I have to know what's out there."

"The way you say it, I can't really tell if it's caution or paranoia."

I sigh at that response.

"I wish it was caution. But it's more than that. It's...fear."

"Fear?"

"Fear of..." the figure that emerged from the night, murdered the greatest man I ever knew, sent my life careening out of control in what seemed like an instant. Fear of the monsters that seem to engulf every shadow, even the ones that only form in our own minds. Fear of a world gone mad from the gods descending, a world threatened by crisis after crisis. Fear of...

"I've got a tenuous grip on things at best. I can't lose that. I can't afford to."

"It's pretty normal, really. The world's a scary place. We've got to hold onto what we can."

Normal? If only she knew how wrong she was. But...she wasn't wrong. Not in general. But something was still off about her words to me. I tried to climb them, but the surface was slick, and my hands...I kept slipping off them. Like I was so close, but just needed...something.

"You have your daughter for that, don't you? Rohma, was it?"

She smiles. "You really never know how they're gonna be until you have one."

"Children?"

She nods. "I do it all for her. Work my tail off, doing Gods-knows what in the middle of nowhere. It's amazing what we can do, once we know what it's all for."

"I can't imagine myself as a father." I suddenly voice a thought that had been lingering in my mind for some time.

"I said the same thing about being a mom. It's one of those things that...it's like everything you've ever said and done has been a test. Then you have a kid and see if you pass or fail."

"Sounds like a lot of pressure."

She shrugs. "It's a lot of stress, and, yeah, a lot of work. But if you really love her, you do what you can do, teach her what you can, and then they turn into..."

"Fine, upstanding members of society?"

She laughs. "They turn into people worth staking your life on. No matter what."