I never thought I'd get used to fucking strangers. My first time was awful. I'd gotten another "invitation" from Snow a month after my father's death. Mags agreed to help me by looking after my mother while I was ago. The first visited lasted a week, and we spent the first three days just going out to party. We'd talk and do all sorts of Capitol stuff.

That part was enough torture, but when the time finally came… I had no choice but to have sex with her. I knew what would happened if I refused. My mother would die, and I couldn't allow that to happen. That woman had paid so much money to be my first… it was sickening.

We slept together more than once, and when I finally got home, I spent a week locked up in my room. The sex itself wasn't' the worse part, though I did feel violated. What maddened me the most was the fact that Snow could do anything he wanted with me and that I couldn't do anything about it. I was very resentful… They forced me to do something I wasn't ready to do, with a complete stranger. Something that was supposed to be an act of love… at least how I saw it, had been tarnished and ruined for me.

The visits continued though, and with time, I learned to detach myself from the situation. Getting drunk before doing anything really helped as well, though I never drank for pleasure. After a few months, I stopped bothering to remember the names of the women, and I had found a way to become a different person. In the Capitol, I partied and fucked, and in District Four, I stayed in the house, looked after my mother, who was starting to recover from her depression, and I swam. I swam a lot, in the sea, I could scream and cry and nobody could see me.

I didn't see Annie very much. I ran into her once in a while when I went to the market, but we ignored each other's presence. Having to leave her was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but I knew deep inside that it was for her own good.

"So what do you have for me, Ariadne?" I asked, as I lay next to her in bed, completely naked. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What do you want to know all these secrets?" she asked, "What can you possibly do with them?"

"I don't need money or gifts… I rather stay well informed."

I'd found a way to make my trips to the Capitol slightly more productive. Many of the women I slept with gave me presents or money, to either get rid of their guilt, or to keep me quiet, since many of them were married. I would have them tell me secrets. I had a journal back at home, that was filled with dirt on the Capitol and its people. I had gotten some pretty huge facts after a couple very drunk women. Ariadne, though, was one of my frequent "customers" and her father had a very high position, and she didn't need much convincing.

"You want to know why Snow wears the reeking roses?" she asked.

"I would like to know, actually," I mumbled against her skin as I kissed up her neck. She giggled.

"He has mouth sores… form drinking poison," she said. "I heard my father talking about it the other day. He got rid of his political contenders by poisoning the punch. He would drink it as well so that there would be no suspicion, and then he'd drink an antidote, but the poison still damaged his mouth. He uses the roses to hide the smell of the blood.

"I think that's your greatest secret yet," I whispered and kissed her.

"Well, I have to give it to you too… you've gotten better in the last two months." She whispered and wrapped her legs around me.

I returned back home just in time for my nineteenth birthday. My mother had baked me a cake, and I sat at the kitchen table with her and Mags, eating. Mags had become my greatest friend, now that Annie hated me. She knew what I was going through because it had happened to her as well, though she hadn't been as "popular" as I had become. My mother had been too depressed the first few months after my father's death, so I couldn't trouble her with my problems as well.

We were chatting and eating cake, when suddenly, the phone rang. I found it odd, because the only time I got calls were to inform me that I had another "appointment" though Johanna Mason, who had become one of my best friends during the games where we had both mentored the year before, called me once in a while as well, but she had already called me to congratulate me, and none of my Capitol fans had my phone number.

"I'll get it," said my mother, as she stood up from the table and answered the phone. She picked up and listened for a minute. She gasped and hung up and turned to face us.

"Cresta…" she whispered.

"What?" I asked, fearing something had happened to Annie.

"He's in the hospital," she said.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"They don't know, Finnick, but he's not doing well." The thing about the hospitals in the districts was that they really, really sucked. I'd been to a Capitol hospital, and they had all sorts of medicine and technology, but not out here. Most of the times, when you got very sick, you died.

My mother and Mr. Cresta had been good friends since we had become neighbors, and I could really see the worry in her face. I had also come to respect him very much, and we really got along when his daughter and I were still dating.

"Let's go," I said, standing up from the table.

"Finn, you don't have to," she said. Though my mother had never asked many questions, since I had a feeling she already knew what was going on, she knew I had never gotten over Annie, and that I tried to avoid her as much as possible, because every time I saw her, I wanted to run up to her and kiss her.

"Mother, he's sick. This is not about Annie…" I muttered. She nodded and stood up as well.

"Sorry, Mags, we'll continue this another time. Take home some cake," I said and kissed her cheek.

Mom and I went to the hospital and we were directed to Mr. Cresta's room.

"Sorry, but visiting hours are over unless you're family."

"Is his family there?" I asked.

"His wife and eldest daughter. The other one ran away a while ago." She looked at a chart and walked away, leaving me with a lot of questions.

"Where did she go?" I asked.

"Finnick, we didn't come for Annie, remember?" asked my mother, with a small smile. I think she was thrilled by the idea of us getting back together. I rarely saw my mother smile, and it made me happy to see her happy… she had been really fond of Annie, and though she tried to hide it, I knew Annie came over when I was away.

"I'm just worried about what she will do," I said… "He's all she has, she can't be ok right now…"

"I'm sure…"

"I'm just going to make sure she's alright," I said, and left the hospital. I immediately thought of one place were I could find Annie… the beach. I walked down the familiar path, past my old house. It had been months since I had been to this part of the district, since I knew Annie spent most of her time there.

I immediately spotted her in the distance, sitting on the sand, watching the waves. I debated whether or not I should go over to her. On one hand, I knew I should stay away from her, for her own safety…but I also knew that she was terribly sad, and I really wanted to be there for her, though we hadn't spoken to each other in months and I knew I had broken her heart.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was halfway down the beach, walking towards Annie. I made my way silently towards her, and stopped when I was a few feet away. I took a deep breath and gathered my courage to speak to her.

"Are you ok?" I asked. That was pathetic… the answer was obvious. She turned to face me and her face was full of disbelief. I looked at her, resisting the urge to kneel down and kiss her, and her face turned from shocked to bitter.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Making sure you're alright…" I said. She looked away and snorted.

"So now you care?" she asked.

"Annie… I've always cared," I said.

"Yeah… you care so much we haven't talked in months."

"I've only stayed away from you so you'll be safe!" I whined.

"Oh, please, Finnick!" she shrieked. "This is not about my safety! You date a different Capitol woman each month. You think I haven't seen the pictures? You party and drink and wear stupid clothes, and then you change them for another girl when you're done with them!"

"You don't know anything about me, Annie," I growled. I was not really that person. It was just for show, why couldn't she see that? I was doing it to keep my loved ones safe!

"No, you're right, I don't. I used to know you… I knew you better than I knew myself, Finnick, but you changed. You became a Capitol snob. Why do you even live here? Why don't you just move over there, that'll just make everything so much easier," she stood up and yelled.

I was crying tears of anger. Annie used to understand everything that happened to me, and she made me feel better about it, and it hurt me deeply that she thought so badly of me. I also felt anger though, because I had done everything to keep her safe and she just hated me.

"Do you think I enjoy it? You know how much I hate the Capitol and its people! "I screamed.

"I thought I knew!"

"You saw what he did to my father! Do you want to be the next one in a casket? Why do you think I broke up with you in the first place? I was in love with you, Annie! I loved you so much, I used to think we'd get married some day, but then I was stupid and I disobeyed Snow, and my father turned up dead! I was trying to protect you! Why can't you understand?" I cried. I tried to hold back the sobs, but I failed. Everything came rushing back to me… my dad's death, my first time with a woman, and the every single one after that.

"What are you talking about, Finnick?" she groaned.

"Nothing…" I whispered. I had said too much, Annie wasn't supposed to know about my little secret… nobody was supposed to know.

"No, that was not 'nothing'," she said. "Why did Snow kill your father?"

"I don't want to talk about that," I said.

"Finnick, you broke my heart, you were my only friend, the only person in this world who understood me, and you dumped me. The least you can do is be honest with me!"

"I'm not supposed to talk about this, Annie," I said. She crossed her arms and frowned, and I sighed.

"Snow… he makes me… do what I do… in the Capitol," I said. "The first time, I ran away, and then my father died the next day and there was a white rose and a note sent to me by Snow. He killed him. Are you happy now?"

"No. So Snow 'forces' you to sleep around with half the Capitol. I'm sure that's torture… having them all at your feet. It must be terrible for you," she said sarcastically.

"Fuck you," I said, and turned around. "You wanted to know the truth, and there you have it, if you don't believe me, then that's your choice." I hadn't walked ten steps when Annie was pulling me back.

"So Snow… he uses you for your body?" she asked. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

"Who am I going to tell?" I asked. "He's the president, and I'm sure if I spoke out against him he'd just kill my mother, or you… he uses the people you care about to manipulate you." I stared at the sand, holding back my bitter tears. I hated Snow so much, and all the feelings I'd been burying came to surface when I talked about it.

Annie looked at me and hesitated for a moment, but then she took my hand. The warmth spread all over my body like the first rays of sun in the morning. I hadn't felt her hand in mine in over a year, and the feeling was so familiar and so comforting, my bitterness all melted away.

"Finnick, how do I know I can believe you?" she asked, wiping a tear from my cheek.

I looked up at her. It was the first time I had seen her face that closely in months. Her face was a bit tanner, probably from spending so much time in the sun. Her hair was still wavy and messy, and her eyes remained unchanged. They were large and beautiful, and so full of light.

"Annie," I whispered, my voice cracking, "having to take you out of my life has been the hardest thing I've ever done. You were everything to me… I was so in love with you… really in love, it was way more than some stupid crush. You were my only true friend, the only one that saw me for who I really was, instead of liking me for my looks or for how I acted in the Capitol. The past two years… have been hell," I whimpered. "My father was killed… my mother's been depressed, and… my visits to the Capitol…" I was sobbing by that point, all the things I had wanted to say to Annie were a huge muddled mess in my head. "I have to get drunk to stand those nights… I don't come out of my room when I get back home. They have taken everything from me, Annie. My virginity, my dignity, and you… "

I turned away from her and wiped the tears from my face. I had become somewhat of an expert at hiding my emotions, but Annie had always had that effect on me. I couldn't hide my emotions when she was around.

I felt her arms around my waist and I turned around to face her and realized that there were also tears slipping down her cheeks. I looked at her fixatedly… it had been so long. I couldn't believe she was eighteen years old… I always thought of her as that shy, innocent girl who made bracelets on the beach.

"Annie, I don't think you'll ever understand how sorry I am," I whispered. She nodded, and wrapped her arms around my neck and then she kissed me.

If holding her hand spread warmth through my body, there was no way to describe how I felt right then. At first, I felt numb, I was slightly shocked and I didn't know how to react, but my body responded soon enough. I wrapped both of my arms around her, and pulled her as close to me as was physically possible. My mind was frozen, but my lips acted on their own accord. Kissing her felt so strange, yet so familiar… I'd kissed other women in the previous months, way too many, in fact, but none of them came close to Annie. I had never felt so happy about breaking a promise. The day I swore I'd stay away from Annie was the stupidest moment of my life, or at least, that's what it seemed when I was so overwhelmingly happy.

I felt warm tears running down my face… they were happy tears, but I didn't know if they were hers or mine. We kissed until we couldn't feel our lips, and until we were both too out of breath to continue. We remained embraced, her forehead was resting against mine… but we stayed quiet. Neither of us knew what to say. There were no words that could express our happiness.

"I thought you hated me," I whispered.

"I told you I would never stop loving you," she said.