A Lost Nagisa Chapter 35 Distance.
It seemed to get colder over night...it felt like winter was approaching, that meant our assassination training would get more difficult. It was always harder to move when it got colder. I could only imagine that Mr. Kurasuma was going to make our trainer even more difficult. But, that wasn't the only thing I had to worry about...in fact, that was the least of my problems.
On the top of my list of 'oh my god I'm freaking out.' is the woman, I used to call my mother who wants to hunt me down and keep me as her second play through...I know she's beyond angry right now. If she finds me...she won't be as kind as she had been to me before.
Then there was Karma...so much about Karma...some how along the line I had managed to develop feelings for him and I was going to confess to him...on Friday...after our little performance, but...
"Nagisa-Nagisa!"
"H-huh?"
"I said are you okay. You're spacing out."
"O-oh...y-yea..I'm fine." I wasn't sure I could do it...as of right now I had a hard time talking to Karma...how could I tell him how I felt about him, and if he rejected me...would I be able to take it? I felt more fear than bravery. My heart raced trying to picture how the scene would go...
I would confess to Karma maybe backstage or something...maybe he would accept my feelings...maybe he would hold me in an embrace? Tell him he loved me...or...he wouldn't...and...he's saying I was just his friend...and that's all I was.
My eyes seemed to have drifted to Karma's face, he met my gaze not saying anything.
Walking beside him, looking at him, thinking about confessing...it all seemed too impossible..like a dream, a day dream..that wouldn't come true.
"Hey Nagisa, Karma!" We looked at the green-haired girl running happily towards us.
"Good morning Kayano." I smiled back,
"Hey, what's up," Karma added.
"Oh ya know, the usual. I heard from Mr. Karasuma that the principles suppose to stop by our class today." Karma and I exchanged looks as if everything was normal for a split second. We turned back to Kayano.
"That's strange, the guy never stops by our run down shack." I nodded agreeing with Karma. Kayano shrugged.
"I'm not sure...I just heard Mr. Karasuma talking about it with professor Bitch." We began walking again with Kayano up the hill. The wind blew against my face trying to push me back down the hill.
"Pretty sure he's going to lecture us or something," I said.
"Well, he doesn't exactly praise us," Karma added. Kayano and I shrugged.
"What do you think he's gonna talk about this time," Kayano asked, Karma and I shrugged.
We made it to the front of the school walking in, the inside of our old school building was still cold. I really wish they had to heat in this place...I was glad Koro-Sensei let us wear our jackets.
Although things seemed normal they didn't feel it...for me at least...I felt on edge just being near Karma. I felt confused...stressed...and a little annoyed all the same. The feeling made me want to just scream out, punch or kick a wall, cry but at the same time, it made me feel all bubbly.
I glanced at Karma who was talking with Kayano...my heart burned when he looked at me...when he smiled...when he wrapped me in his arms...or made me smile...it beated faster than any race car alive. My hands would grow sweaty but yet...I'd still feel bubbly.
Was...
Was this how it felt...
To be in love?
...The old door of the classroom slid open, the three of us froze seeing that the principle was already here. He stopped turning to us, I guess we interrupted his conversation with Koro-Sensei.
"Ah, good morning children. I hope this day is treating you well." The fake good-guy act he always had. Not like any of us could do anything about it through.
"Weird to see you here, in E-class," Karma commented. He never seemed scared to voice his opinion. I wish I was that brave...it might make my life a lot easier.
"Well, I must check in on all my students." I found it hard he saw us as students. "I've also heard that E-class will be participating in our school event. I'm sure you will do amazing." We all knew we were just examples. Examples to not get stuck in E-class.
I felt Karma's eyes on me when I caught him looking at me he quickly turned away acting like it never happened but it did.
"Well I should get back, you all have a good day." The principal walked passed us as if we were just trash. We all knew the real reason why E-class was here.
"Ah, good morning boys and girls. Please, take a seat." Karma made his way to his seat while me and Kayano took our seats.
I saw Kayano looking at Karma before he looked back at me raising an eyebrow. "What?" I asked it was obvious she wanted to ask something.
"Oh...it's just, you...you two seem kinda..." she paused as if she were trying to find the right words. "Distant.." I thought about that word for a moment. Were we distant? Now that I thought about it...
We were a little distant...I mean...we were distant before...then when we had gotten our point across during that fight...we seemed to grow closer...not as lovers but as friends. Somehow...the distance seemed to be between us again...was...was that why I felt so nervous around him? Why I was afraid to speak my mind? Say what I thought? Tell him how I felt.
The other students were piling into the classroom slowly more and more kids arrived. One person, in particular, caught my eye as they entered, Okuda.
Uncountably I seemed to be staring at her. She caught my staring and waved.
"G-good morning...Nagisa.." I nearly jumped. "Go-good morning...Okuda." I waved back nervously hoping she didn't suspect something because of my staring. I looked away after that watching her from the corner of my eye.
"G-good morning, Karma." I heard her say...I glanced over my shoulder. She was smiling happily at him...like always. He was smiling back...my heart hurt...Karma looked over to me my head spun back around to the front of the class.
I can't let him catch me staring.
"Alright boys and girls, take your seats. Today will be going over a new lesson." Hopefully, I wouldn't space out again...
...When lunchtime arrived Kayano and Nakamura decided to join me for lunch and...as much as I wanted Karma to join me he decided to join Okuda instead...my heart hurt...like..it was being crushed? I choked back the tears and looked back at Nakamura and Kayano.
"So Nagisa, how's your dancing going. I bet you're amazing now!" I blushed a bit at the comment.
"Th-thanks Kayano...but...I'm not that good...I keep tripping over my feet." She laughed, "well ya better get better! Don't worry though, I'm sure you'll do fine."
"Thanks..." I smiled.
"He'll never be as good as me though." Nakamura grinned proudly. I rolled my eyes, "I guess not...haha..."
"But don't worry, you still dance pretty well." Nakamura punched my shoulder playfully. I laughed slightly even though my heart felt like it was being crushed...seeing the redhead and the shy girl laugh at the corner of my eye. It was already like they were a couple...
It...felt...like...
they were closer...it felt like...Karma was closer...with Okuda...
Then he was with me...
I bit down on my tongue to keep the tears from rising to my eyes. Deep breaths...don't cry Nagisa...dodon't cry...I took a bite of my sandwich that Karma had made me forcefully swallowing it.
.
.
.
The rest of the day seemed to have flown by, all seemed rather normal..then there was the last class of the day-gym.
We all stood outside the school in our gym attire the cold wind was blowing against my neck again making my shiver. Several people were complaining about the cold, not just me. We were standing in lines, as usual, I was between Nakamura and Kayano while Okuda and Karma were next to her.
Too far for me to touch him but close enough to be hurt by him.
"Alright listen up because I'm only going to say this once! We'll be playing cops and robbers, this time, however, there will be teams." He paused, putting both his gloved hands up. His right hand was painted red, the other blue.
"The blue team will be the cobs while the red team-the robbers. I will pick who will be on what times and you will come over here and get one glove and put it on one of your hands. Cobs, all you have to do it touch the robber once with your painted hand and their out. Robbers, avoid the cobs before the time is up, I'll call when the time is up. Now-" He began to call names of the teams.
I stood there wondering what team I would be on...I hoped I would be on the same team as Karma...I wouldn't want to be running from him. That was kind of scary to think about...
"Cobs: Sugino, Kayano, Nakamura, Terasaka, Itona, and Nagisa." And? As in the end of the list? "Everyone else who I didn't call you are the robbers. Now get your gloves and get to it!"
I stood there frozen from both the weather and shock...Karma and Okuda were on the same team...they would be working together...against me...like the perfect couple they were...I gripped my chest where my heart was beating.
"Nagisa, come on we have to go get our gloves." Nakamura reminded me. Pull it together Nagisa...there just on a team together right? ...That was it...Okuda was on my team sometimes...
I nodded quietly walking over to one of the two bins reaching into it and pulling out a leather glove that had blue paint on the palm of it. I slipped it on my right hand, okay, I was ready.