Chapter 37: Gone
"I hate this." Kurt spoke the words quietly into the night, but the frustration and sadness were clear.
"Me too." Nigel walked beside Kurt, their shoulders brushing at every step, their hands locked together. Nothing he said was going to make this better, not for either of them, so he said nothing.
It was Sunday night, and Nigel was leaving tomorrow. They walked through Kibby Corners Park, the dread of their impending separation tugging them to this place where it all began. They passed the swings, and smiled at each other, remembering. They stepped onto a side path, and Nigel backed up against a tree, pulling Kurt with him. It might not have been exactly the same tree, but that didn't matter. The very first time they had kissed, outside of their dressing room, was here in this park, Kurt pushing Nigel up against a tree. Now, Nigel leaned back, and traced Kurt's hair, and face. He dragged a finger across Kurt's lips, and Kurt caught his hand, kissing that finger.
Nigel smiled into the eyes that still made his heart leap. "Kiss me."
Angie worried at her bottom lip, as Nigel closed the book he had been reading to her. "How long are you going to be in the plane?"
Nigel put the book on the night table, and tucked the covers around his niece. "Not long, by the time you're at recess tomorrow, I'll be in Boston."
"Will there be a lot of planes in the sky?" Angie had seen a plane accident on TV a few months ago, and now she was worried.
"Some, but there's a man who watches them all on a screen, he makes sure they don't bump into each other." Nigel ruffled Angie's hair. "They can't put stop signs in the sky, they'd fall down. It would rain stop signs everywhere." Angie laughed and Nigel turned off the lamp by her bed. "I'll call you guys tomorrow after dinner, okay?"
"Okay." Angie nodded, and settled down with her arms around Draculaura.
Nigel kissed her temple. "Night, sweetie."
Nigel walked into the living room. He stood behind the couch where Kurt was sitting with Tommy watching Iron Man 2. Nigel put his hands on Kurt's shoulders, and Kurt tipped his head back smiling.
Claire sat curled up in the arm chair by the couch. "Angie okay?"
"Yeah, she was worried about the plane, but I think she's fine now."
"You okay?" Claire watched Nigel's hands tighten on Kurt's shoulders.
"No."
Claire smiled in sympathy, as Kurt walked around the couch, and leaned into Nigel.
"Guys! Trying to watch a movie here." Tommy didn't get what the big deal was, it's not like they were breaking up or anything. Kurt was going to Boston in June. Jeeze, get a grip!
Nigel laughed and ruffled Tommy's hair. "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you." He slipped an arm around Kurt's waist. "Night, Claire."
Door closed and locked behind them, Nigel melted into Kurt. He blessed soft kisses down Kurt's neck, as Kurt's hands threaded through his hair. They curled into each other, their movements slow, gentle, sad. Clothes fell around them, and they pressed skin to skin.
Nigel needed to take it slow, to make it last, this last night before … he shook the thought away. He didn't want to think about tomorrow, not now, not with Kurt in his arms like this. He locked eyes with his lover, and watched the Caribbean blue darken to grey.
Kurt was determined to take this slow, to make it last, until he looked into Nigel's eyes. The truth that he had been trying to run from all day, hit him like a blow. Gone! Tomorrow Nigel would be gone! No!
Pain and need spiraled through him, burst out of his lips and hands, and landed on his lover. Nigel's head fell back, his mouth opening under Kurt's, his own need rising to meet his boyfriend's. Hands suddenly desperate, grabbing at each other, they stumbled towards the bed. Kurt felt the mattress behind him, and started to fall back onto the bed, pulling Nigel with him. Nigel hovered over Kurt, nipping and kissing across the pale skin. He moved down Kurt's torso, rubbed his face into Kurt's stomach, and licked beneath the bones of his hips. He stroked Kurt's length, heated silken skin.
"Nigel!" Kurt's voice was harsh, desperate, needing.
Nigel looked along the length of Kurt's body, up to find his crystal eyes burning. Nigel opened his mouth and took Kurt in as far as he could. He rubbed the crown against the roof of his mouth, and swirled his tongue, lapping, sucking. He slipped one hand under Kurt, squeezing his ass, fingers sliding along his crease.
Kurt locked his fingers in Nigel's hair, and thrust up. Nigel moaned around Kurt's cock. He tightened his lips, and kept his head still, welcoming Kurt's thrusts. Kurt pushed into Nigel, not thinking anything now, just needing, more! Nigel pressed a finger against Kurt's anus, and Kurt shuddered and came.
Nigel stroked Kurt's thigh, holding Kurt in his mouth, lapping gently, as the younger man softened. Kurt ran his hands over Nigel's shoulders. When Kurt's breathing evened out, Nigel slipped off the bed. He knelt on the floor, between Kurt's legs, his head resting on Kurt's inner thigh, his arms wrapped around Kurt's legs. Kurt, still lying flat on his back, reached down and ran his fingers through Nigel's hair.
God! Two months without Kurt. They hadn't gone more than a week without seeing each other since that first Wednesday night. Boston! What, was he insane? How the fuck had he ever thought he could do this? New job, new city, and Kurt … Oh, God! No Kurt. It was all too much, Nigel could feel the tension building, the anxiety shredding him from the inside. He needed to stem the painful tide, to let it drain away into nothing. Nigel lifted his head. "Kurt?" His voice was raw. "I need…"
Kurt sat up, and bent over his boyfriend. He put his head on top of Nigel's and curled himself over the kneeling man, wrapping his arms around Nigel's shoulders. "Shhh, Baby. I know." He slid his arms away from Nigel, and planted his feet firmly on the floor, legs spread, back straight. He opened his arms, and Nigel spread himself across his lap. Nigel folded his arms, one a top the other, on the bed and rested his head on them.
Kurt stroked from the nape of Nigel's neck, down his spine. Nigel sighed and settled, the tension already seeping away. Kurt skimmed Nigel's ass, and raised his hand. He timed the slaps just the way Nigel liked them, a slight pause between each one, so that Nigel could feel the sting turn to pleasure. Kurt watched Nigel's skin turn pink, his artist's eye appreciating the deepening rose hue.
Nigel turned his head. "Harder, Kurt. I need it harder."
Kurt frowned, in all the times they'd done this, Nigel had never asked for actual pain. He stroked along Nigel's back, and rubbed gently over his lover's hips. "You sure?"
Nigel looked at Kurt over his shoulder, absolute certainty in his eyes. "Yes. I want it to hurt. I want to feel it when I sit on the plane tomorrow." Nigel raised himself off the mattress, and reached a hand out to touch Kurt's face. "It will feel like you're still with me. Please."
"Okay." Kurt nodded, and Nigel settled back into position. Kurt called up all the emotions roiling inside him. The pain of missing Nigel was already there, threatening to expand exponentially until it filled Kurt's whole world. Frustration with the fact that he had to stay at McKinley, while Nigel went to Boston, was clawing at him. Anger that this was happening at all was burning in a corner of his mind. He took all of it, and slammed it down on Nigel's ass.
Neither one of them knew how long it lasted, both lost in the rhythm of the slaps, the sound of skin on skin, the feel of heat and pain. Kurt came out of it first, blinking back into the now, his arm tired, his hand throbbing. "Baby?" He leaned down over Nigel, dropping kisses over his shoulder and back.
"Mmmmm, fine, I'm fine." Nigel had zoned out. Kurt could tell from his voice that he wasn't quite back yet. Kurt stretched out on the bed, sliding up the mattress, taking Nigel with him. He tucked Nigel against his side, Nigel's head on his chest. One arm held him close, the other stroked down his side, light soothing touches, over hip and thigh.
Nigel stirred, and moaned. He threw one leg over Kurt, and nuzzled into his boyfriend's neck. He tipped his head back, and blinked up at Kurt. "Thank you."
"Shhh, feel better now?"
"Yes." Nigel stretched. "Much." He ghosted a hand over Kurt's nipples, and tilted his pelvis, pressing a rapidly hardening cock against Kurt's thigh.
Kurt slipped a hand between their bodies, and closed it around Nigel's penis. "I can see that."
Nigel rolled on to his back, giving Kurt better access to a cock that was screaming for attention. Kurt leaned over his boyfriend, and stroked high on Nigel's inner thighs. He tugged gently on Nigel's balls, and pressed his thumb over his perineum. He threaded his fingers through Nigel's pubic hair, and sucking a finger, he pushed into Nigel's ass. His hands moved constantly, touching everywhere except the cock that was now weeping.
Nigel's head was tossing on the bed, his fingers clenched in the folds he made in the comforter. "Kurt…please."
Kurt shuddered, his own cock springing to life. Dior! He would never tire of hearing those words fall from Nigel's lips. He leant down, and ran his tongue over Nigel's balls, sucking one between his lips.
"Kurt!" Nigel twisted his hips, trying to move Kurt's mouth were he so desperately wanted it. "Please, babe!"
Kurt licked up Nigel's stiff length, and sucked the crown into his mouth. He swirled his tongue, and then let Nigel's cock go. "Nigel."
Nigel felt cool air instead of wet heat, and groaned.
"Nigel." Kurt touched Nigel's face, waiting until Nigel looked at him. "I want to feel you."
It took a second for Kurt's meaning to penetrate Nigel's fog of lust, but then he pushed up. Kissing Kurt, he rolled them over. Kurt spread his legs, and Nigel settled between them. He leaned over Kurt, rubbing their cocks together, and sliding his tongue into Kurt's mouth.
Nigel sat back on his heels. He ran one hand down Kurt's chest, and stroked the younger man's cock, while he grabbed the lube off his nightstand. He slicked his fingers, and slid his mouth down Kurt's length while he worked his fingers into Kurt.
Kurt's hips rose from the bed, needing, now! "Nigel, I want you."
Nigel slicked himself, and Kurt pulled his legs back. Nigel pulled Kurt up, onto his thighs, and entered. They both gasped, and Nigel closed his eyes, as he slid home. Kurt was his home, and his heart. Kurt was everything. He hadn't said the words yet; love, commitment. It was too soon, they were both too young. Buried deep inside Kurt, he opened his eyes, and knew that he belonged with this man.
Kurt moaned and rose to meet Nigel's thrusts. He looked into Nigel's eyes, and saw his future. He hadn't said anything to Nigel yet. It was too soon. He had to finish high school, and college, and Dior! Nigel better wait for him!
Nigel shifted slightly, entering Kurt at a different angle, his cock rubbing across Kurt's prostate, and Kurt stopped thinking altogether.
They didn't want to sleep. They didn't want to waste any of the little time they had left. They held each other, talking, planning, and whispering dreams until the words turned to silence.
The alarm woke them, but they stayed curled around each other. Getting out of bed would mean the beginning of the end, and neither one of them wanted to face that. Not yet. Not ever.
"Nigel!" Claire rapped on their bedroom door. "You're going to miss your plane."
They walked through the airport together, holding hands, not saying very much. Nigel waited until the last possible moment before going through the security check point. They held each other close, arms wrapped around each other. Kurt finally took a deep breath and pushed Nigel away. "Go, you'll miss your plane."
Nigel nodded; his eyes suspiciously damp. "I'll be back for Prom. Don't forget to order a tux for me."
"Any preference as to colour or style?" Kurt adjusted Nigel's collar.
"No, I give you complete control." He leaned his head next to Kurt's and whispered against his ear. "I always do." He smiled at Kurt's surprised gasp, and continued speaking at his normal volume. "I know how much you like to dress me."
"Not anywhere near as much as I like to undress you." Kurt kissed Nigel quickly, and pushed him away. "Go!"
Nigel grinned. "Yes, Sir."
He had taken perhaps five steps, when Kurt called, "Nigel" He turned, looking back at Kurt. "Buy the bed!"
Nigel dropped his carry-on bag, and ran back to Kurt. He grabbed his boyfriend and kissed him until neither one of them could breathe. Then he turned, retraced his steps, picked up his bag, and walked through security.
Kurt watched Nigel until he couldn't see past the tears in his eyes. Then he turned and started a life without his heart.