"We're coming to you live, from the Cell Games, Part Two, where the evil monster Cell has somehow come back from the dead and is threatening to kill all of humanity," an announcer said to the TV camera. Amazingly enough, they managed to find the exact same announcer from the original Cell Games and bring him in to report.
"Moments ago, Cell picked up the unconscious body of Videl Satan and threw it at our fighters," the announcer said. "The Gold Fighter flew into a fit of rage and attacked Cell with all he had, but it wasn't enough! Now the Gold Fighter is trapped in some sort of floating purple cage of death! Hercule, your thoughts?"
"I don't like this situation one bit!" Hercule said. "I expected the Gold Fighter to kill—er, to last much longer than he did."
"The paramedics have rushed Videl to the hospital, where they hope she will make a full recovery," the announcer said. "We'll give you an update on that situation as soon we can, but first, let's try to get an exclusive interview with the Gold Fighter!"
Gohan was busy trying to punch his way out of the purple energy cube, but it wasn't working.
"You can't break it," Goten said. "I tried a Kamehameha, but it didn't work."
"And I tried using my nail polish remover on it," Erasa said. It was the first time ever that her emergency makeup kit had failed her.
"There must be some way to get out of here," Gohan said. He stopped and frowned. "How did you two get in here, anyway?"
"Same as you, Cell threw me in," Erasa said. "Although I'm not complaining! Getting to have some alone time with a cute superhero..."
Gohan blushed. "It's...it's not really alone time when there are news reporters everywhere," he said.
"And me!" Goten said.
"You're still cute, though," Erasa said, as if that was all that mattered. "Except for your eyes. They're all cold and creepy. I like my muscular guys with soft, gentle eyes, you know?"
"Er, no," Gohan said, scratching his head. Silently, he wondered if he should tell Erasa about his real identity. That would get her to stop flirting with the Gold Fighter, but there was too much of a danger that someone would overhear.
"Excuse me, Mr. Gold Fighter?" the announcer said, approaching the purple cube. "I was wondering if I could have word with you and your sisters."
"My sisters?" Gohan asked.
"Yes, now that we're up close, there's no mistaking the family resemblance!" the announcer said. "All three of them have soft yellow hair and strong blue eyes! Maybe they're Swedish!"
Erasa giggled. "Sorry, but I'm not related to the Gold Fighter," she said.
"I am!" Goten said. "He's my big brother. When I grow up, I wanna be just like him!"
"Oh, that's so sweet!" Erasa said.
"And there you have it, folks!" the announcer said. "Little Cindy here wants to be just like her big brother when she grows up! Truly, the Gold Fighter is a great role model for all little boys and girls! Everyone loves a superhero who always helps other people and saves the day!"
"I wish I could save the day now," Gohan said. "But I can't break out of this cage!"
"Have you tried punching it with your super-strength?" the announcer asked.
"Yes," Gohan said.
"What about...nail polish remover?" the announcer asked.
"Did that!" Erasa said.
"What about you, Cinderella?" the announcer asked. "Did you try asking for your fairy godmother to appear?"
"I'm not really Cinderella," Goten said. "This is just a costume."
"Oh my," the announcer said. "That's—"
"All right, I'm here!" someone shouted. "Let's get this show on the road!"
"What?" the announcer gasped, as he turned around. The person who had just shouted was the announcer from the World Martial Arts Tournament.
"But...but...I'm supposed to be the announcer today!" the Cell Games Announcer whined.
"I was as surprised as everyone else when I saw Cell here," Hercule said to the announcer. "I thought it must be some sort of trick, but he defeated the Gold Fighter so easily...I think this could be the real Cell!"
"But Hercule, I thought you said the Gold Fighter wasn't a real superhero," the announcer said.
"Uh...wha?" Hercule asked.
"You said his superpowers were nothing but a series tricks! That he just pretends to fly with a jetpack, and he uses a lot of flashing lights to make it look like he's glowing!"
"Well, that's true but...uh, well, he is kind of strong, I guess—"
"Excuse me," the Cell Games Announcer said. "What are you doing?"
"I'm doing commentary on the fight," the World Martial Arts Tournament Announcer responded.
"But I'm the real announcer here!" the CGA said.
"Are you crazy?" the WMATA said. "You haven't had a good announcing job in seven years! I'm the world's best fighting announcer!"
"But I'm best friends with Hercule!" the CGA said. "Isn't that right, Champ?"
"Ha! As if!" the WMATA said. "He likes me best! He said so himself!"
"Yeah, on April Fools' Day!" the CGA said. "Take a hike, amateur!"
The two announcers argued, and they came very close to punching each other, when Hercule stepped in.
"Look, you guys, it doesn't matter who's better at announcing," Hercule said. "The truth is that you're both filler characters who don't have real names. Just accept it and move on."
Of course, Cell wasn't standing around doing nothing this whole time. After throwing Gohan in the purple energy cage, Cell focused his attention on Goku, the fighter who posed the greatest challenge.
"How did you escape from Other World?" Goku demanded.
"That, my enemy, is a long story," Cell said. In reality, it wasn't a long story. Cell just used Instant Transmission from the place where King Kai's planet used to be. But he insisted on telling the story in great detail.
Goku moaned in boredom. He hadn't been this bored since that one episode, where half of the episode was Cell telling his whole life story.
So that's why Goku and Cell weren't fighting while everything else was going on.
Dende was on top of Kami's Lookout, playing with a Gameboy. He had been playing for three hours in a row, and Piccolo had finally decided to ask him about it.
"Dende, shouldn't you be doing your Guardian duties?" Piccolo asked.
"Mr. Popo's taking care of things," Dende said, not even bothering to pause his game.
"You can't let Mr. Popo do all your work!" Piccolo said. "Mr. Popo is not the slave of—"
Three sad-sounding beeps came out of the speakers of the Gameboy.
"Ah, you made me lose!" Dende said. "See, this is why nobody likes you, dude! You're a total jerk!"
"You rebellious teenage punk!" Piccolo said. "What if there was an earthquake or a tornado, and millions of people died, all because you weren't fulfilling your duties as Guardian of Earth?"
"Chillax, Grandpa!" Dende said. "I bet you five bucks that nothing bad is happening at all down there."
Dende! Piccolo! Goku screamed, using his psychic powers. Help! Cell has come back to Earth, and he wants to continue the Cell Games!
"WHAT?" Piccolo cried. "How did Cell return to Earth?"
"I'm on it, dude!" Dende said. He then used his Super Kami Powers to fix the Cell Games Arena, then instantly moved everyone there.
"Now you guys can continue the Cell Games!" Dende said.
"Dende, you idiot!" Piccolo said. "You were supposed to get rid of Cell, not encourage his reign of terror!"
"Sheesh, no matter what I do, you say it's wrong," Dende said. He went back to playing videogames.
"Oh, now this is more like it!" the announcer said. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The Cell Games, Part 2, are about to begin!"
"Games!" the other announcer said. "I love games! What are we playing?"
"The first game is football, and the next game is pattycake, and the third game is basketball, and—"
"Uh, no," Hercule said. "The only sport we'll see here is martial arts."
"Great!" the announcer said. "Hercule, seeing as you're the reigning champion and only person ever to defeat Cell, will you go first?"
"What? Me go first? ARE YOU CRAZY?" Hercule shouted. "Uh...I mean, HA HA HA HA HA! I'm the strongest man in the universe! If I went first, nobody else would have a chance to fight! That wouldn't be fair now, would it?"
"Hmmmm, I guess not," the announcer said.
"So right now, I'm going to let my buddy Goku fight Cell," Hercule said, pointing to the center of the arena. "He's the co-champion of the World Martial Arts Tournament, so he should be able to put up a good fight."
In the arena's center, Goku was looking around, confused. "Huh? Where are we?" he asked.
*BAM!*
Cell sucker-punched Goku in the back of the head, and Goku was immediately knocked unconscious.
"Woah, that was quick!" the announcer said. "Okay, Hercule, you're up next!"
"Uh, huh, I meant THE GOLD FIGHTER!" Hercule said. "Yeah, I'll let him beat Cell! I mean, fight Cell! Because no one but me can actually beat Cell! I'm the strongest fighter in the world, after all!"
"Cell killed Dad!" Goten screamed. "NOOOOO!"
"Wait, that guy is your father?" Erasa asked.
"He's both of our fathers," Gohan said.
"But that was Goku Son!" Erasa said. "He won the tournament yesterday, and—ohmygosh!"
Uh oh... Gohan thought.
"Goku is Gohan's Father!" Erasa said, thinking hard. "He can't be the father of Gohan and the Gold Fighter, unless..."
There goes my secret identity! Gohan thought.
"Goku had an affair with another woman!" Erasa said. "Oh, wow, I didn't think he was the kind of guy to have an affair and get the woman pregnant...twice!"
Gohan wasn't sure whether to be glad his secret identity was safe, or upset that Erasa had turned his family history into a soap opera plotline.
And speaking of soap operas...
"CELLLLLLL!" a voice screamed.
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Who?"
A black-and-blue blur appeared on the horizon, and within seconds, you could easily see that it was Vegeta, flying towards Cell at full speed.
"I was trying to watch my soap opera, when a special news bulletin about you interrupted the show!" Vegeta screamed. "You'll pay for that, you green bug!"
Cell grinned. "Oh, Vegeta, I think not. Why don't you go...sit in time out for a while? I have a loud-mouthed buffoon to kill."
Cell grabbed Vegeta by the leg and threw him inside the purple energy cube with Gohan, Goten and Erasa. He then walked towards the announcers and the TV camera.
"So, Hercule!" Cell said loudly. "I hear you've been lying to everyone for the past seven years, saying that you killed me!"
Hercule's jaw dropped.
"Ha ha ha!" Cell laughed. "You accuse my fighting skills of being nothing but a bunch of tricks, and yet you pulled the biggest trick of all! You managed to fool the people of this planet into thinking you saved them from destruction!"
"I...I..."
"The truth is that he's a pathetic fighter," Cell said. "I beat him with one hit in the first Cell Games, but this time, I'll make him suffer."
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Hercule begged. "Please don't hurt me! Please don't! Please—UGH!"
Cell picked up Hercule by his hair and flicked his forefinger at Hercule's face. Hercule immediately developed a black eye.
Cell flicked another finger and broke Hercule's nose.
Cell flicked a third finger and gave Hercule a second black eye.
Hercule was howling with pain, but the world seemed silent as everyone watched as Hercule's reputation get destroyed in seconds.
"This is the man you all have been worshipping for seven years?" Cell asked. "Pathetic!"
Vegeta laughed. "Finally, that fool gets what he deserves!"
"It's not funny, Vegeta!" Gohan said.
"Yeah..." Goten said. He was almost ready to cry again. "Mr. Hercules is my...friend..."
"Oh, grow up, you whimpering little coward!" Vegeta said to Goten. "And put on some proper clothes, while you're at it!"
"You're awfully cocky for a guy trapped in a cage," Erasa noted.
"Pah!" Vegeta said. "Cell only thinks he can trap me in here with Kakarott's sons and, wait, who are you?"
"I'm Erasa!" Erasa said.
"...Of course you are," Vegeta said.
"Do you know how to get out of here?" Gohan asked.
"Of course," Vegeta said. The jailers in Other World used the energy cube cage technique on him twice, before he figured out how they did it. "You just need to press all the corners of the cube within ten seconds and it disappears. Simple."
"Awesome!" Erasa said. "Everybody take a corner! We're getting out of here!"
Erasa, Gohan and Goten rushed around the cube, touching the corners while Vegeta muttered about stupid idiots. Soon, all four of them were free.
Cell was slowly choking the life out of Hercule when Goten kicked him in the back of the head.
Cell growled and threw Hercule away. "How did you escape?" he asked Goten.
Goten tightened his fists. "I'm gonna stop you!" he said. "You hurt people, and that's wrong!"
"Oh, really?" Cell asked. "And just how do you intend to do that? I'm three times your size!"
Goten flew at Cell, but Cell quickly attacked, punching Goten on the chin. The small child fell down.
"I will kill your brother and your parents," Cell promised. "I will kill everyone you care about, and then I will kill you."
"No!" Goten screamed. "NOOOOOOO!"
That was when something snapped inside Goten. It was like a key had fallen into place, unlocking the door to the young boy's hidden power.
"Finally!" Cell cried. All that time spent provoking Goten had paid off!
Goten's energy level increased at an astounding rate as his hair became larger, and his muscles grew.
"Super Saiyan 2," Cell said. "I've seen that before."
Goten's hair grew even larger, and it folded down his back.
"Super Saiyan 3," Cell said. "I haven't seen that before."
"Oh, you've got to be [bad word] kidding me!" Vegeta screamed. "Kakarott's other spawn has a higher power level than me? Why do all his children have hidden powers?"
"I don't know, but Goten isn't stopping there!" Gohan said. He was right; Goten's level kept increasing at a faster and faster rate.
"There's nothing stronger than a Super Saiyan 3," Vegeta said. "The child can't possibly go any higher than—"
That was when Goten hit his maximum power level and became a Super Saiyan 4.
Now, those of you who have watched DragonBall GT might remember that Super Saiyan 4 involves a Saiyan having his tail and turning into a reddish fur-covered creature. And blutz waves are somehow involved.
Well, to state what everyone already knows, DragonBall GT got it wrong. A Saiyan does not need his or her tail in order to become a Super Saiyan 4.
DragonBall GT was right, however, about the fact that whenever Kid Goku turned Super Saiyan 4, he magically became an adult again. The same thing happened to Goten. By turning Super Saiyan 4, he somehow managed to become a full-grown Saiyan adult.
Yes, Goten was an adult, with green eyes and long, flowing blonde hair that reached down to his open shoulders. But something was seriously wrong.
He was a girl.
I guess things got confused, because Goten was wearing a dress at the time he transformed. Or maybe Super Saiyan 4 is a level that is only supposed to be reached by Saiyan females. In any case, Goten was now a fully-grown blond woman, and she bore a distinct resemblance to Vegeta's mother, Queen Vegeta.
"He's a Super Saiyan Four!" Gohan said. "I mean...she's a Super Saiyan Four!"
Vegeta fainted from shock.
On Kami's Lookout...
Dende chuckled like a mad man.
"DENDE!" Piccolo yelled. "Did you just use your Mystic Super Kami Powers for evil?"
"Uh, NO!" Dende said. "I'd never do that!"
The female Super Saiyan 4, previously known as Goten, squinted at Cell. "Are you ready to fight?" she asked.
"You switched genders!" Cell said. "Is that...is that even possible?"
Goten flew at Cell and punched him in the face. Then she tripped him with her left foot and kicked him with her right.
"What's a gender?" Goten asked.
Okay, so Goten has transformed into the ultimate fighter, Cell thought. She still has the mind of a six-year-old. I can beat her!
And thus the furious fight began. By "furious", I mean "one-sided". Cell found himself unable to land a single blow on Goten, while Goten dealt heavy damage with her weakest attacks.
"And we have a new female Gold Fighter!" the announcer said. "This attractive young woman appears to have come out of nowhere!"
"And I managed to find someone to interview!" the other announcer said. "Erasa, what are your thoughts on this situation?"
"I've never seen that girl before," Erasa said. "But I hope she can beat Cell! That monster needs to be stopped!"
"Do you have any ideas on why Cell suddenly reappeared after seven years?" the announcer asked.
"Um...maybe he went on vacation and just got back now?" Erasa asked.
"In any case, the Gold Fighter seems to have the upper hand!" the announcer said. "She's giving Cell a walloping! And if things continue at this rate, Cell will be defeated, and Earth will be saved once again!"
Yes, things looked good for the fate of the universe, and everyone was happy and rejoicing. Everyone except Gohan, who was following the fight between Goten and Cell with great intensity.
[Slow zoom-in on Gohan's face.]
"No," Gohan said. "Something's wrong. Goten isn't going to win."
[Play dramatic music here. Slow zoom-out on the scene.]
Narrator: Oh my French fries. We just ended this episode with a dramatic cliffhanger. That's never happened before, in the entire history of this series! Stay tuned for previews from the next episode of—nah, we've got time. Let's wrap this up now.
"What are you doing?" Gohan yelled. "Stop playing around and defeat him!"
"Huh?" Goten asked.
"I know you want to stretch things out and make Cell suffer, but trust me, you need to kill him as quickly as possible!" Gohan shouted. "Don't waste time!"
Cell began to laugh, loud and long.
"Hrrrr!" Gohan growled.
"Don't you see?" Cell said, pointing to his halo. "Goten can't kill me because I'm already dead. No matter how badly I get injured, I can't be defeated. I'm basically immortal now."
Gohan said a very bad word in response.