Author's Note: I needed a light-hearted, happy chapter to balance out the seriousness. This chapter's mainly filler (if you watched Naruto or Bleach, you know what I mean). This came joke came from a friend of mine and had me bursting out laughing. So, now, I'm going to tell it to half of the cast of the fic, just to be annoying and to cheer everyone and myself up (both as a character and IRL).

Also, Ultima-kun mentioned the song I was gently singing to myself back in the cell with Nephenee. That would be Zoot Suit Riot by Cherry Poppin' Daddies. A personal favorite of mine, but then again... I love big band and swing and jazz and all that stuff. Any song with full chords and/or a strong, rhythmic bassline is something I enjoy. That's kinda why I enjoy Cruel Angel's Thesis (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Shooting Star (Onegai Teacher) so much. Chords that aren't standard triads and a bassline that's moving and has some rhythm to it.

A good song must have a good melody but at the same time... to me... it must have a bassline of equal interest to back up the melody and provide some kind of foil of sorts. Yeah, I'm not a composition major (yet) so I don't know all these newfangled technical terms, haha. I'm going to be one when I transfer to the university though.

Same as my senior year high school field show in marching band, which was highlights of Earth, Wind, and Fire.

So, without further ado. Intermission!

Chapter 37:

Am I an Orange?

The march forward into Daein has been halted. Apparently a messenger caught up with the army and has told us that Begnion has sent additional supplies. The army has now come to a standstill to wait for the extra supplies to catch up.

This didn't bode well with some people. This is where I came in. Comic relief, people. YES!

"Hey, hey, Ike," I said to Ike as I walked up to him.

"Hm...?" he replied. He stopped polishing his sword and looked up.

"Ask me if I'm an orange!" I said to him.

"Are... you an orange?" he asked me with a puzzled look.

"No," I replied in a serious tone with a straight face.

...

There was dead silence between us for about ten seconds.

...

"Um, continue the joke," Ike said.

"I... guess that joke doesn't work on you," I replied to him.

"What's going on?" Mist asked as she came over.

"Ask me if I'm an orange," Ike said to her.

Oh this'll be good.

"... what?" Mist asked in a very confused voice. If that wasn't apparent, the look on her face was.

"Ask him if he's an orange," I said to her.

"Are... you an orange, Ike?" Mist asked.

"No."

It took a few seconds. Waiting. Waiting.

???

PROFIT!

Mist was on the ground laughing. Geez, was it really THAT funny? Ike also had an incredulous look on his face. He looked at me and saw that I had a similar look on my face. It wasn't that funny of a joke.

Then again, since it came from Ike, it was perfect. I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I think that joke suits you, Ike."

"What do you mean?" Ike asked.

"The more serious you are and the more serious you look when you tell the joke, the funnier it is. At least, in my honest opinion if I recall correctly," I said.

"I see," Ike replied.

"Oh, Ike, that was priceless. Where did you learn that one?" Mist asked.

"John," he replied and nodded in my direction.

"That was great!" she said to me. I gave a slight curtsy as a small joking sign of acknowledgment.

"I do my best," I replied.

That was my way of going to cheer up the troops.

"Hey Boyd!" I called over to him as I walked over.

"Yeah?" he asked me.

"Ask me if I'm an orange," I asked.

"... are you an orange?" he asked me.

"No," I replied and walked away. I could hear him laughing a bit. I thought he might get it. I saw someone ahead.

"Hey there!" I said. The person turned around. It was Karla.

"Hello," she replied.

"Err... ask me if I'm an orange," I said tentatively.

"Are you an orange?" she asked me.

"No," I replied. There was a slight pause from her and a small silence.

"Typical of you," she said with a small smile.

"I got you to smiiiiiile!" I said in a childish, singsong voice.

"Yes, it seems you did," she replied.

"Then it was a success," I replied.

"Okay, okay, you win," she said. I smiled at her and waved before walking off.

"Hey, hey, John!" a voice called to me.

"What?" I asked as I turned around. It was Carin.

"I need to talk to you about something," she asked.

"What?" I replied to her.

"Ask me if I'm an orange," she said to me. What?

"Are you an orange?" I asked her.

"No."

... okay, what?

"Hey, hey, Carin!" Boyd said as he called over.

"Yeah?" she asked. He started to walk over.

"Ask me if I'm an orange," he asked.

I walked away before I could hear any more. That joke's spreading like a plague.

"My lo... John," I heard a familiar voice call to me. Ah, Elincia.

"Yes?" I asked as I replied to her.

"Um... well, I need your help with something," she asked.

"Sure," I replied.

"Ask me if I'm an orange," Elincia said while pointing to her hair. HER HAIR! OH MY GOD, SOMEONE DYED IT ORANGE!

"Are you an orange?" I asked.

"Not yet!" Elincia replied with a grin.

"Your hair!!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, courtesy of a small magical spell," Elincia replied.

"It's orange," I said incredulously.

"Yes, it is. Do you like it?" Elincia asked.

"... as much as orange is one of my favorite colors... this... will... take some... time to get used to," I said.

"Oh, it's temporary. I can turn it any color with that spell. I have to thank Ewan," she said.

"Princess, I need to ask you a question," Mist asked as she came over.

"Yes, Mist?" she asked.

"Can you ask me if I'm an orange?" Mist asked.

Help, help, help! The joke's out of control!

"What have I done?" I said exasperatedly.

"You told an incredibly stupid joke that lifted everyone's morale as they heard it," Mist said.

"I just told you the joke, like, ten or fifteen minutes ago. It's like the entire camp knows," I said.

"Rolf and I were efficient in spreading the joy," Mist replied.

"Rolf... oh god. Here he comes," I said.

"Hey, John!" Rolf said.

"I'm not an orange. I'm a banana! I'm a BANANA!" I said exasperatedly.

"I don't think so. You don't have a banana or two grapes," Boyd commented.

"Oh, you want to start the jokes, you fruit?" I said to him.

"I'm not the orange," Boyd said.

"Neither am I," I replied.

"No, but you're a banana. You're a fruit," Boyd said with a chuckle.

"A fruit?" Elincia asked. Mist walked over and explained it.

"Oh, oh... that's... well, that's your choice," Elincia said to me peculiarly.

"I'm not! I'm not a fruit. I'll prove it," I exclaimed.

"Hey, John," I heard. I turned to see Jill standing there.

"Perfect," I said. I pulled her close and kissed her. Even though it lasted a second as the next thing I felt was a knee to the gut.

"Oww," I said, doubling over in pain.

"What was that for?" Jill asked incredulously.

"I'm not a fruit," I replied.

"... what are you doing to that poor boy, Boyd," Jill asked.

"Why did you suddenly accuse me!!" Boyd asked defensively.

"Because it's expected of you," Mist said.

"It is not!" Boyd replied.

"I expected it with the jokes going around," Elincia added.

"Hey, hey... why are you three ganging up on me," Boyd said, putting up his hands defensively and taking a step back.

"Why are you afraid of girls ganging on you. Are YOU the fruit?" I asked pointedly.

"No," he replied sourly.

"Then why are you afraid of girls making advances on you. You should be happy," I said with a chuckle.

"Pretty brave words by someone who got knocked to the ground by a girl," Boyd replied.

"Hey, hey, Mist!"

"Hey Natasha!"

"Mist, ask me if I'm an orange!" Natasha said.

"Are you an orange?" Mist asked.

"No, but I love them!" Natasha replied. All five of us looked at her.

"Did I do it wrong?" Natasha asked.

"Do what now?" I said. I couldn't resist it. Inside joke.

"Do nothing, fruit," Boyd said jokingly.

"Hold it!" I said to him.

"Objection!" he shouted back at me. Oh, you want to get into that?

"Overruled!" I shouted back.

"Your mother!" Boyd shouted back at me.

"Your... pet goldfish!" I shouted back.

"Your mother's so ugly that they put her on posters for abstinance!"

"Your girlfriend's so fat that when she fell, no one laughed but the floor cracked up!"

"Your girl's so fat that when she takes a bath, she fills the tub and then turns on the water!"

"Your girl's so nasty that when you asked her what's for dinner, she spread her legs and said 'yeast for bread and crabs for seafood'," I countered.

"Your mother's so fat, when she goes swimming and sneezes, sailors go, 'THAR SHE BLOWS!'"

"Man, your girl's so stupid, she tried to commit suicide from a basement window!" I shouted.

"Your girl's so stupid, she tried to drown a goldfish," Boyd said.

"You... two do realize neither one of you have girlfriends," Karla said.

"YOUR girlfriend," I said to her.

"Your dog," Boyd added.

"Oh, it's ON! Just like the princess's hair" Karla said jokingly.

"Hey, my hair isn't that bad!" Elincia exclaimed. It was bubblegum pink and shining bright with the sunlight.

"Your hair's so ridiculous, comic book characters would laugh," Karla said.

"Yes, well. I believe you are so overweight that someone would mistake your body for a balloon," Elincia said.

We all stopped laughing and looked at Elincia.

"Princess?" we all asked.

"What? Was that wrong? I was trying to go along with you all," Elincia said.

"We... didn't expect you to actually join in," Mist said.

"Although, we don't care," I added.

"Okay then," Elincia said.

"Of course YOU don't care. She's a girl and you're a bitch," Boyd said.

"Take that back, rump roaster!" I said back to him.

"Never, you fruit!" I shouted.

"I'm not an orange!" Ike said as he walked over.

"YOU'RE A BANANA!" Karla said loudly, pointing at Ike.

"And you're a turkey," Ike countered. Wow, that's a good one.

"Wow, that was good," I said.

"I can see that a little playful fight is a great way to pass the time," Ike said.

"Hey, hey, commander Ike!" Marcia said as he walked over, pulling Makalov over by the ear.

"Yes?"

"Ask me if I'm an orange," Marcia said.

"Are you an orange?" Ike asked.

"No. But my brother's a real fruit," Marcia said.

"Ow, can you let go of my ear?" Makalov said.

"John!"

I turned to see Astrid walking over.

"Yes?" I asked her.

"I found you. I was wondering if I could talk to you about that music that we were going to work on," Astrid said.

"Oh, oh! I see. Sure!" I said.

"Fruit!" Boyd shouted at me.

"Rump roaster!" I shouted back.

"Chocolate rider!" he shouted at me.

"Cannon rammer!" I countered.

"Dumbass!"

"Retard!"

"Loser!"

"Bitch!"

"Moron!" Boyd shouted.

"Your mother!"

"Your face!"

"Your goldfish!"

"Your dog!"

"Your cat!" I shouted.

"Yes, I like my pussy cat," Boyd said, adding the last part in a hurry.

"I bet you do like... yours," I said, implying that he had one.

"Not like that!" he exclaimed.

"I'll play your game, you rouge. I got a riddle for you."

"What?"

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I forget how the rest goes, but your mother's a whore," Boyd said. Ike, Mist, Astrid, Elincia, Karla, Natasha, and a few others who gathered around had started to watch the verbal assault Boyd and I had.

"Boyd," I said.

"What?"

"Don't get me started. I probably will start to piss you off," I said.

"Say what you want without fear. I don't get offended," Boyd said.

"That's not what your mother said last night," I replied.

"Oh, starting already, are we?"

"That's also what she said," I said.

"Getting desperate, are we? Mothers and bad jokes? You must be... losing your touch," Boyd said. I winced as I realized my sense of touch was still gone.

"Don't need a sense of touch to know that you can't get a girlfriend," I said. Boyd and I looked around to see almost all the Greil mercenaries and a few of the army had gathered around. This must've been entertainment for them.

"And you could?" Boyd said smoothly in reply.

"Sure, if I wanted," I replied.

"Your mother doesn't count," Boyd said.

"You know, Boyd. I was thinking of how amazing you are," I said.

"Really?" he asked, cautious.

"No," I replied.

"That was lame, like the banana in your pants," he said.

"Ow, okay, you got that one," I said.

"Of course," he replied.

"Don't get a big head. Your weak shoulders can't manage it. Better hope Titania doesn't know you don't do practice swings!" I said loudly.

"Says the one with no magic and a magic burn!" Boyd said.

"I didn't know they let overweight birds into this army," I countered.

"Didn't think anything was worse than your archery, until you showed us your magic," he said.

"Look at yourself fight in battle and you found it," I replied.

"Found what? My soulmate? I'm pretty handsome, but I'm not a fruit, unlike you," boyd replied.

"You're pretty handsome alright... if the chick was blind and drunk," I replied.

This went on for a good hour or two, with the crowd growing bigger and bigger.

Author's note: What started off as the orange joke degraded into a playful insult session by Boyd and myself. Like I said, nothing is ever definite in this story.

And I sorta just stopped because I was running out of material. I could write for my side for ages if someone was writing for the other side, but writing for both sides was too much... and there's no one I could talk to that really could do this.

Oh, and this chapter was done in one sitting. Yeah, I should be getting ready for my first day of the semester, but nah...