Dean Winchester doesn't get scared.

He doesn't. With all the shit he's seen in his life, from ghosts to monsters to the Devil himself, nothing can make him experience the sensation of fear at this point in his life.

Except for this.

It's February 28th and he has no idea where his wife is.

She woke up in a moderately low mood. She never smiled once that morning and the little she spoke was spoken in a quiet, depressive tone but then again he didn't expect her to be anything other than sad. Milling around the apartment, clearly aware of his very careful observation of her, she told him around noon that she had to go into the self-defense center for an hour or so. Dean assumed it was to work off her sorrow and anger over her loss and offered to come with her. She refused.

When two hours had gone by since she left, Dean grew worried. He called her but her phone never rang. It was off. Driving to the center to check on her, his worry doubled when her Mustang wasn't in the lot. He called her again but just like before it went straight to voicemail.

As he drives over to the one place he's more than sure she's at, he berates himself internally for letting her go off on her own today. He knew it was a bad idea to let he leave without him but he let her go anyways, thinking she just needed a little space. Stupid, stupid Dean.

Turning into the cemetery Dean steers the car to the back corner. He can see Lizzy sitting Indian style on the green grass just to the side of Jane and Brian's headstone. Her back is hunched and he watches as she brings a hand up to wipe her eyes.

Parking the Impala behind the Mustang, he quickly gets out and starts walking to her, just so happy to know where she is this year. He was terrified during the first anniversary of Lou's death when she disappeared on her own and he had no idea where to. It took a few hours of logical guessing and when he did catch up with her she was already dangerously drunk and highly miserable. He refuses to think of how much more she would have drank had he and Sam not found her. He told himself that day that he'd never let her go through this alone again.

Hearing him get closer, Lizzy sighs. She knew he'd find her. He always does. And after having a few hours on her own to mourn she welcomes the chance to have him near again, to let him comfort her however he can. Dean's gotten pretty damn good at that over time. He's had to.

Lifting the bottle of Jack Daniels in her lap and taking a huge swig, she greets him by holding the bottle over her head in offer.

Dean takes it, chugs a solid gulp down, and lowers down to the grass at her side. He sits with his upper arm against hers, his knees bent and elbows propped up on them.

"Good to see the bottle's still so full," he comments, swishing the liquid in the glass a bit as he does. She made it about a third of the way through. It's enough to get her good and toasty but not so much that he can't manage her. She's not to her angry drunk level.

Without answering, Lizzy drops her cheek onto his shoulder. He brings an arm around her and she looks up at him with red, watery eyes.

"I know," Dean says to her simply, already understanding everything she might be about to say to him, before pressing his lips to her forehead.

"It doesn't stop, you know," she cryptically informs him.

"What doesn't?"

"The loss. The pain. It just… won't ever go away." Lizzy presses her face into his jacket and lets her tears soak into the fabric. "I hope you're prepared for that… because I wasn't. I'm still not."

Dean sighs and drops his head onto the top of hers.

"I'm not either but thanks for the heads up." Sam still is the first thing he thinks of when the day starts and he falls asleep to the thought of him every single night. It's constant and tiring… and horrible. If he couldn't understand Lizzy's loss of Lou before he sure can now. Granted the extra and intense stab of just where Sam is makes it even worse but who's keeping score, right?

"I still go to call her sometimes," she admits. "When something fucked up happens or when I just plain want to tell her something stupid I open up my contacts, pull up her number… and then it's like I suddenly remember before I press send. Last minute I always remember that if I call her… she'll never answer. She'll never just burst out with 'what's up, slut?' or just start talking without even saying hello because she knows it's me. God damn it, I miss that."

Just simply nodding his head, Dean keeps quiet.

"Before you got up I tried to call Sam this morning," she confesses as she cries a little harder with the mention of Sam's name. Dean looks down at her when she brings up his brother and she looks right back up to him. "I just wanted to talk to him. He always made me feel so much better on Lou's anniversaries. Especially the last one. I just needed him so much. The line rang twice before I realized my massive fuck up. I started crying and I let it go to voicemail. Then I heard it. 'This is Sam's cell phone. Leave me a message.'"

Dean brings up the bottle once more to take another hardy swig. He needs it. "We gotta stop charging that thing up."

"I don't know about that," Lizzy says to him, not ready to let yet another piece of Sam go. "It was kinda good to hear his voice." She sighs after her comment. "I sound so pathetic."

"No you don't," Dean promises her, his arm wrapping tighter around her frame.

"It's ok, I know that I do," Lizzy returns with.

"Well if you're pathetic then I must just be completely fucking pitiful."

Snapping her focus up to him with surprise, she gives him a questioning look.

"The other day when you weren't home… I was doing some research…"

"Dean," Lizzy says in a disappointed voice. After having discovered that they both had been doing research on a way to get Sam out of the Cage they both came to the decision that it was a bad idea. Opening that door was far too risky and they both know it. No matter how badly they want to help Sam they both agreed to not do anything about it. Just as Sam wanted.

"I know, I'm sorry… but you know I can't just leave it alone. I'll never do anything stupid but I can't live my life unless I know I'm doing everything I can to get him safely out."

"You make me so fucking nervous," Lizzy says in a shaky tone. She gets very frightened by his determination and willingness to do anything for his brother.

"I'm not gonna be stupid," Dean promised to her. "And I'm not throwing myself on the fire, ok? I wouldn't do that to you."

"Good," she quietly answers, not at all able to believe him.

"I had found something," Dean continues on with his story. "Sam had this theory years ago that there had to be a way to make a demon immobile aside from a devil's trap. There had to be something portable, something quick that you could keep on you and pull out whenever and wherever. I was reading through that old, demonology book you got from Bobby and there was a quick mention that someone had figured out a possible way to make it happen… it didn't work in the end but it was something, you know? He would have loved to know this and I got all, I don't, excited that he was right and I wanted to tell him… so I yelled to him."

"What do you mean?"

"I yelled out his name as if he was in the other room… because he's always been in the other room if I couldn't see him. I just wanted to show him what I found. But then the house stayed so quiet. I should have heard him huff and puff because I asked to come check something out. Normally he'd complain and then lumber his huge self into the room and ask me what's up." He pauses to compose himself and stop his own tears from coming. "He didn't. It sucked."

Lizzy reaches out to grab his hand in hers. She kisses the back of it sweetly as she can completely understand him. And she wishes he never had to find out just how bad it is lose a sibling you're so close to. She'd never want this for him.

"I still talk to her," Lizzy continues to fess up. "Cass told me she couldn't hear me so I know how one-sided it is when I do it… but I still do it. I have to. Every time something has ever gone wrong in my life I would talk to Louie about it. It's the only way I've ever known to handle things. We would talk everything out and I always walked away feeling so much better and with a feeling of some kind of resolution. Hell, she's the only reason I didn't hunt you down and kill you myself when you ditched me years ago during your hell bound year. She talked me down from it, saying you didn't deserve the time wasted on killing you."

"Thank God."

"Thank God…" Lizzy echoes back, the saying not as comfortable to use for her in the past couple years. "I just… I love her so damn much. Dean, I love her. And she died because I'm an ass and I will never get over that. I can never forgive myself for doing what I did to her. She should be alive."

"And she would want you to get past this," Dean reminds her for the millionth time. Lou wouldn't want her sister to be so upset and ruin her life with guilt like this.

"Baby, I can't," she says, a new wave tears trailing down her cheeks. "I don't know how… and I deserve the guilt. I do."

"Hey, look at me," Dean says, some irritation in the background of his words. She looks at him with misty eyes. "You couldn't have known what was gonna happen that night, Lizzy. You didn't know. This is not on you."

Shaking her head no and squeezing her eyes shut, she refused to believe him.

"It's not."

Covering a hand over her eyes while hunching her back some more, she cries even harder. She just can't find it in her to believe that as true. She pissed off that vampire. Lou got turned minutes later. It's her fault.

"I don't care if it takes me the rest of our lives… I'm gonna get you to believe that. Lizzy, Lou's death is not your fault. It's the job. It's bad luck. It's wrong place at the wrong time. It's not your fault."

"No," she simply refuses through a sob and Dean gets angry with her inability to accept what he tells her.

"Yes," he rebuts, pulling her hand away from her face and grabbing her attention as he holds her face to him. "You didn't do this. Hunting killed Lou. You didn't. This isn't your fault. Lizzy… have I ever, ever lied to you?"

"No."

"Even when I know it hurts you to tell the truth?"

"You wouldn't lie to me," she sobs out.

"L, this isn't your fault," he repeats again. "Her death isn't on you. It's not your fault."

Launching off of the grass, Lizzy collides with Dean hard as her arms wrap around his neck. She clutches to him so strongly it hurt but he says nothing. Dean just pulls her into himself, an arm around her back and a hand pressing to the back of her head as she completely breaks.

She can't form words as her body won't let her. Her voice is choked, she's shaking, and the inability to have her sister back just devastates her to a hopeless, desperate place. And it's only been three years so far. She always thought it'd get better over time, that the loss would be easier to handle. But no, it hasn't gone that way at all. Instead she feels worse every anniversary. She misses Lou this year more than she did the last and she never thought it was possible to miss Lou more than she did the year before. It just won't stop. Why is their bond this strong? Why is it so different from everyone else's familial bonds that she's can't overcome this?

Grabbing hard onto the heavy leather collar at the back of his neck, Lizzy takes a deep breath in attempt to try and calm herself down. Her fingertips absorb the familiar feel of the worn, old leather of John's jacket, something Dean's worn nearly constantly since they'd met. Once he went to hell at the end of his deal Sam had given her this jacket, told her to hold on to it for Dean as he undoubtedly assumed that he would get his brother out and he'd want it back. To her this one piece of clothing became a symbol of comfort and love, something she could run to when the pain of no longer having him got far too strong. Now that he's back it still holds that same warmth for her but now when she ran to it for sanctuary he was inside of it. He could make its arm hold her again and the smell of him in it is strong, no longer fading slowly with his absence.

Once more, on Lou's anniversary she's neglected to remember what she still has. Sadly last year's anniversary she still had two people with her, by her side supporting her. Sam can't help her through this one, not this time… nor any other time in the future. But she knows she has Dean. She still has Dean. He will do his damnedest to stay right there too.

"I love you," she sighs out as her sobs begins to slow and calm as she continues to hug him hard. "And you can never leave me. Never."

"Not going anywhere, L," Dean tells her, believing it.

"You can't," she keeps telling him. "You're all I have left."

Dean smiles slightly. "In case you haven't noticed, you're pretty much all I have too."

"So you can't leave me," she repeats. "I need you more than you know."

With a little tug in his chest Dean's smile goes from slight to full. He's still needed. That's just too damn good to hear.

He sighs as he pushes her lightly away from him to gage her headspace now that she's managed to stop crying.

"What do you say we go home?"

"Ok," Lizzy says in return.

Dean helps her up before following suit. "I'll drive. We can get the Mustang tomorrow before your shift."

"Alright," Lizzy nods before looking back at the grass besides Jane and Brian Becker's plots. "Louie, watch her for me."

Dean once more grins something small at Lizzy, knowing how much Lou loved her car. He grabs her hand and leads her to the Impala, ready to take her home and be able to watch over her from their one place of safety.

"Yeah?" Bobby asks plainly into the receiver after he picks up his house phone two rings in.

"I miss you."

"Liz?" Bobby questions quickly, already knowing it's her.

"It's been months since we've seen you," Lizzy says. "Months, Bobby. I don't like it."

"Well, that's sweet and all but you're just saying that because of what day it is." Bobby picks up his half-full bourbon bottle and pours himself another glass before sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Ok… so maybe I'm checking up on you and maybe I might be a bit on the sentimental side and in need hearing from my family today. Sure," she quickly admits. "But it made me realize how long I've gone since I've seen you."

"I'm just a phone call away…"

"But it isn't the same," she cuts him off. "I've done a lot of thinking and remembering today… and so many of my biggest memories I have of hunting with Lou have everything to do with you and being at your house."

"Of course. I trained you." He takes a sip of booze, knowing he's trying to play off the depth of his relationship with these two girls in order to try and escape speaking emotionally. He hates that shit.

"And in that time you became our family," Lizzy tells him. "You like to brush it off and keep it deep and buried but Lou and I are yours, Bobby. You took us in when we lost our parents and you were always so good to us. Always, from the second I told you we wanted into the life."

"Had to make sure you didn't get yourselves killed. That blood woulda been on my hands."

"But you didn't have to cook us dinners," Lizzy further explains herself. "You didn't have to house us and feed us and watch over our progress for months on end. You didn't have to go out and rent both Ghostbusters movies and make soup for me when I got the flu on the road and you demanded we take a break and stay with you while I got better. And you certainly didn't have to track down Lou's brother and try to talk some sense into him after he cut her off for disappearing and becoming a hunter. You always went above and beyond. You love me and you love Lou too, just like we grew to love you right back."

Bobby doesn't respond as he stares into his glass. What does one even say to that anyways?

"How are you today?"

"Better question is how are you, Liz?" He's of course way more concerned about her than himself.

"And I'll tell you once you answer my question first."

Frustrated sigh, Bobby just sits back in his kitchen chair, props his feet on the table, and takes a sip of his cheap whiskey. "Shitty."

"Well, same here," Lizzy says truthfully.

"I figured as much. You didn't pull the disappearing act on Dean did ya'?"

"You know I did."

"Jesus."

"But he knew where I was," she quickly assures. "I just went to her grave. He found me there pretty quickly."

"Good, because I ain't losing another kid," Bobby answers gruffly, not really even recognizing that he'd referred to them as his kids until after it's said.

"Take it easy, dad," Lizzy patronizes right back. "I barely drank a drop."

"What's considered a drop?"

"The amount it takes to get normal people drunk," she quickly answers and moves on. "I just wanted to talk to her…."

Bobby, check this out….

Bobby instantly shoots an angry look at his interrupter as he walks into the kitchen, open dusty book in his hand. He sits up tall, putting his feet on the floor and holding his index finger to his lips to tell Sam to shut the fuck up.

"Who's that?" Lizzy asks and Bobby clenches his jaw with fear. She can't find out Sam's there. She can't find out Sam's anywhere but locked up in that Cage if she and Dean are going to stay out of hunting.

"Oh, just an old hunting buddy of Rufus'," he immediately lies. "Idjit sent him here to do some research. I don't even know the guy."

"Well, if Rufus trusts him he's gotta be kosher."

She's buying it! "You say that like I should trust that old ass."

"Bobby, give it up already! Rufus is a friend…"

"Yeah ,yeah. Don't remind me," Bobby jests in his grumpy tone.

"Well, I'll let you get going but heads up, I think we're gonna take a road trip," she warns him. "We've been cooped up too long and need to get out. I was thinking about checking out Sioux Falls on the way… you ever heard of it?"

"Might have," he plays along. "Just give me a day's heads up to make sure I'm here."

"Will do," Lizzy says, the smile obvious on her lips. "I know you hate mushy stuff but I can't wait to see you. It feels like coming home when I come to your place."

"It'll be good to see you too, kid." Bobby smiles a little himself.

"Alright, I'll let you get back to it. I love you, Bobby."

"You too, Liz."

And he hangs up the phone.

"How's she doing?" Sam asks quite lightly when Bobby turns to face him.

"Not so great considering the day."

Sam just stares at him with a blank look of curiosity. "What happened?"

"Seriously?" Bobby questions Sam with pure shock. Bobby had assumed Sam stopped by just to be with the only family he has that knows he's alive on a day like this. Or at least that's what he figured Sam would do if he couldn't go see Lizzy. With his reaction, maybe Bobby was wrong about Sam this time.

Sam shakes his head as he doesn't put it together.

"Lou died three years ago today," Bobby says with pure annoyance at Sam's unthinkable forgetfulness.

"Oh, right," Sam says when it clicks, his memories still there. He then points to an open page of the large lore book in his hands. "So, uh, this says that a chupacabra can be taken down with silver… but didn't dad once say something about silver not working on them?"

Bobby can't speak to him for a moment. He knows the answer but the nonchalance and dismissive attitude Sam takes on the day just floors him to a point that he's shocked.

"Ah, so… no?" Sam says when he grows impatient.

"The fuck is wrong with you, boy!?" Bobby worries aloud with fire in his tone.

"What do you mean?" Sam asks, lost as to why he's receiving such suspicion.

"Lou died on this day. You should be upset… or at least sad. Sam, you loved that girl, and I ain't even sure love is a good enough word. What is wrong with you?"

"It was a long time ago," he tries to excuse with a shrug, starting to understand his misstep.

"So what?" Bobby angrily returns. "Love loss don't just get better over time. It gets worse. You should be hurting like a bitch."

"Bobby, moping around over her loss won't bring her back. It's been three years. I can't just spend my life obsessed with someone who isn't here anymore. I've learned to move on. I mean, yeah, it still hurts but I can manage it now."

"Yeah, you can sure manage it. So well that you forgot all together!" Bobby starts to get upset. "Lou was a damn good girl! She loved you with everything she had, you stupid ass! She fucking told me."

"She told you?" Sam asks, it being his turn to be surprised. He remembers Lou being quieter than that. She wasn't the emotional confessor that Lizzy is. She could contain it.

"Yeah she did," Bobby spits right back, remembering how she had gotten drunk with Lizzy one night while in town. They caught a cab back to his place and after Lizzy passed out Lou began drunk talking. She told him how she'd been feeling about Sam and how she eventually came to realize she actually did love him. She was really drunk. Bobby had to help her to bed that night. "And she sure deserves a whole fucking lot more from you than forgetting about her. I thought you were a better man than this, Sam."

"Bobby, take it easy…"

"I don't know what happened to you… but something just ain't right in your melon. This ain't you. That cage took a part of you…"

"Trust me, Bobby. I'm fine," Sam tries to dismiss.

"Yeah well… trust me, you ain't," Bobby assures him as he picks up his glass and heads out the door, needing some air and some time alone to calm himself. Before leaving he pauses. "Lizzy and Dean'll be here in a few days. I suggest you leave well before then." And he shuts the side door with a slam behind him.

After a walk he'll come back and tell Sam that he needs iron rounds for that chupacabra in Texas.