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Chapter 35:
The night before the duel, Shihana lay awake on her futon.
Her mind was plagued with fearful doubts.
What should she do if Reki beat Renji? She would have to marry him. She would have to be with him for all eternity.
Was there no way out? None which wouldn't damage her and her family's honour irreparably. She wouldn't be able to be with Renji ever again. It would be better to never see him again, to be locked away at Shihoin estate with only the speaking cat as company.
The thought pained her. To be never be able to hear Renji's voice again. Without having even once run her hands through this vivid red hair. Without ever having traced all those dark tattoos.
Shihana's eyes watered. She willed the tears not to fall, the growing sob to stay silent. Her throat hurt from all the suppressed misery.
Yet what was she thinking? Renji wouldn't lose and everything would be okay! How could he lose having trained so hard? How could she doubt him, when he gave his all for this, for her?
She felt ashamed for her self-pity and her lack of confidence in Renji's abilities. The memory of the evening drifted through her mind. Renji, standing at the grand piano, singing what felt like it had only been for her. She tried to remember how his voice had sounded, but she couldn't piece it together again.
She could feel her body react to the memory. How much she wanted to finally be able to sink into his embrace. How she wanted to feel him and taste that sweet mouth again. She needed him, needed him so badly, to swipe away the vile things Gin had done to her. To dull the pain of despair she had felt. To feel sane again.
Shihana fell into uneasy sleep.
"Ah, Shihana-chan, did ya miss me?", said the cruel voice of Ichimaru Gin.
His cold fingers drifted over her shoulders and came up to cup her face. Shihana's eyes shot open.
That horrible smile, those narrowed eyes, the silvery hair.
Ichimaru Gin.
She choked as he suddenly kissed her and his tongue invaded her mouth. It tasted like persimmon, mixed with bitter blood.
Shihana wanted to scream and thrash, but found herself unable to move.
"What is it, Shihana-chan?", teased Ichimaru while he ripped off her clothes. "Disappointed I ain't Abarai-kun?"
His smile widened at her shocked face. "Ya really liked him, didn't ya? So sad ya won't ever see him again."
He lazily whipped out his short Zanpakutou and with a swift movement, buried it deep into her right thigh.
She bit her lips to not cry out. "Why?", she forced out, unable to keep a slight wail out of her voice.
"Why?", repeated Ichimaru, looking a tad surprised. "Tis what ya've gotten y'self into. See what ya've done, ne?"
The words 'see what you have done' echoed in her head. She cringed and tensed when Ichimaru rammed into her.
The despair threatened to drown her. Never see Renji again?
She felt worthless. She gazed at the blood flowing from her leg without much interest. It was the least of her worries.
How could she have let that happen? How could she let it happen now? Why was she unable to bring herself to care?
Why should she care? What reason did she have to fight him? He was just her bane, her heavenly punishment for all her selfish actions.
Her body felt sore and dirty when Ichimaru left her. On his way out, he flicked a finger against her scar.
"Don't forget y'are mine", he whispered and with a chuckle, he was gone.
Shihana awoke with a start.
Her breathing came ragged. Only after several minutes did she have the strength to throw back the sheets and inspect her right thigh.
It was flawless, as if no cold steel had ever touched the skin.
Relief washed over her. It had been just a dream. Just a dream to remind her of the past. Of what would await her if she wasn't on the lookout.
She shuddered at the memory of Gin's touch. She felt like she couldn't go back to sleep.
Reluctantly, she sat up. It was still dark outside and the manor was silent except for the nearly inaudible sound of tabi-clad feet on the floor of the kitchen. The servants already preparing breakfast for the large family.
Shihana stood up and decided to take a long hot bath to wash away the remains of the night.
That was a short and a cruel one. I just felt the need to remind that nothing's alright yet with Shihana and might never truly be. But don't worry, the next chapter the competition will start and it'll be lots of fun! As always, please review!