So, I meant to post this before going out tonight, but then I was running really late and didn't have a chance. Anyway, I just got home, so I'm posting it now
As I said before, I'm pretty happy with this chapter, so I hope everyone else is, too. And I think this might be my longest chapter yet… (5400 words!)
Don't forget to leave me lots of reviews to wake up to!
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He's still a little bit shocked by what he just did.
Yeah, he's been in a fog ever since he got into his truck. All kinds of thoughts have been swirling around in his head for the past fifteen minutes. So much so that it takes him almost that long to realize he missed his exit.
Part of him thinks that he shouldn't really be that surprised. It's not like he's never thought about it. Lord knows he has.
And it's not as if he didn't want it to happen. Of course he did. The thing is, he just wasn't expecting it to happen right now.
Honestly, he's not exactly sure what made him do it, but suddenly… it was done.
It was a completely spur of the moment decision. Completely spur of the moment.
So maybe that's why it doesn't exactly feel real. Because he had no time to really get used to the idea.
Yeah, that could be part of it, but mostly, he thinks it's because he just never thought he'd be here. Actually, he was fairly certain he would never be here. More than fairly certain.
He never thought he would feel this way, that he would want this, that he would be so completely sure.
But he does want it. All of it. And he is sure. More than sure.
This is what he wants. She is who he wants.
Honestly, there's nothing in this world he wants more than her. Nothing.
So yeah, today he bought a ring.
This morning, when he walked into that jewelry store, he was only planning on buying her birthday present- a pair of nice diamond studs to replace the cheap ones she wears every day. It was the perfect gift and he knew she would love it, but then he walked by the engagement rings and suddenly, the earrings were momentarily forgotten.
He spent over twenty minutes staring at the different rings and imagining how they would look on her finger. And as the sales woman showed him each and every cut, swarms of images flashed through his mind. Being down on one knee and proposing to her, the look on her face when he did, Andy walking towards him in a beautiful white dress. And then even more images flooded his head. Lying in bed together with his hands roaming her pregnant belly, Andy holding their baby in her arms for the first time, the two of them reading bedtime stories to a couple of dark-haired kids, and so on.
But still, it wasn't until he actually got into his truck and put the gift bag on the seat next to him, that what he just did fully hit him.
This honestly is the last thing he ever thought he'd do. At least, it used to be.
But then he met her.
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"Hey brother," Oliver greets Sam as he opens his front door. They had just hung up the phone a few minutes prior, after Sam called to make sure he'd be home.
"Hey," Sam replies as he walks through the threshold of Oliver's house.
"So… what's up?" He asks, unsure of the reason for Sam's visit. When they spoke a few minutes ago, he got the vibe that this wasn't a social call.
"Uh so… I kind of need a favor," Sam begins.
"Okay…" Oliver replies, in that suspicious tone of his.
"Can you hold onto something for me? I just… I don't want Andy to find it," he explains.
And that's when Oliver gives him a weird look, like maybe he's worried Sam is up to something he wouldn't approve of. Although seriously, it's barely been two months since they moved in together, what could he possibly think Sam is up to?
But still, Sam decides to appease his friend and pulls the small velvet box out of his pocket to show Oliver exactly what he's asking of him.
"Uh Sammy… wow," Oliver says, obviously in a bit of disbelief. "Wow," he says again.
"Yeah, I know," Sam agrees to his unspoken words. "So, do you think you could hold on to it for a bit?" He asks.
"Yeah… yeah, sure… I'll lock it up in the safe upstairs," Oliver suggests as he gestures for Sam to follow him. "So… how long you been thinking about this?" He wonders as they walk towards Oliver's bedroom.
"It was kind of spur of the moment," Sam explains. "Was getting her some earrings for her birthday and… I don't know, I saw this and I bought it," he adds as he fidgets with the box in his hand.
Honestly, he's still not really clear on how all of this happened, but one thing he does know is that it's right. Really right.
"Well, I'm happy for you, brother," Oliver says with a smile and a pat on his back.
"Thanks," Sam responds with a smile. "But maybe save that until she actually says yes," he adds with a nervous laugh.
"C'mon, of course she'll say yes," Oliver assures him as he kneels down and enters the code into the keypad on his safe.
"You think?" Sam asks. He hasn't actually let himself sit down and really think about what her answer might be. Yeah, they love each other and they've talked about a future together, but it's never been anything definitive. So, he'd be lying if he said he was 100% sure she'd say yes.
"It's been what? Three years? I mean, she's put up with you for this long, so I'd say she's probably all in," Oliver teases.
Sam rolls his eyes, but lets out a laugh. "Let's hope," he says.
"So have you thought about how you're going to do it? Or when?" Oliver asks as he takes the box from Sam and places it in his safe before locking it back up.
"No… I mean, I did just buy it twenty minutes ago," Sam reminds him.
"Right," Oliver replies. "Well, you can always borrow the cabin if you want… I know McNally's a sucker for the woods," he adds.
"Yeah, maybe," Sam replies with a nod as he lets his mind drift, imagining when and where and how he might ask her to marry him.
Luckily, he still has time to figure it all out.
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"Okay, what is with you today?" Andy questions as she gives him a gentle kick on his thigh in order to grab his attention.
Sam got home almost two hours ago and after eating the dinner that Andy surprised him with, the two of them have been relaxing on the couch and watching reruns of Seinfeld. And while it all seems normal, Sam has been acting weird ever since he got home. It's strange but she kind of feels like he's watching her.
And he's been suspiciously happy, which is nice… but also weird.
"What?" Sam asks, shooting her a confused look.
"You keep staring at me and… you're like in a weirdly good mood," she points out.
"I'm not allowed to be in a good mood?" He asks as he pulls her onto his lap, so her knees are bracketing his hips.
"You are," she replies. "Just wondering if there was a reason behind it," she banters.
"Well… you're here," he informs her with a smile.
Her own smile widens and she starts to play with the hair on the back of his head. "That's it?" She inquires.
"That's not enough?" He asks with widened eyes.
She lets out a laugh and gives him a quick kiss. "It just seems like there's more," she tells him as she narrows her eyes and shoots him this look that makes him think she's about to interrogate him.
"I'm just happy," he shrugs. "You make me happy," he adds with a smile as he pulls her even closer.
"Smooth," she retorts.
He lets out a laugh and grabs a quick kiss. "I'm serious," he declares.
"I know," she assures him. "I like you happy… looks good on you," she tells him with a smile.
He shoots her a smile and leans in for another kiss. "You happy?" He asks.
"Very happy," she confirms with a nod.
"I love you, you know?"
"I know," she confirms with a smile. "I love you, too."
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It's a few hours later that they are both tucked into bed and Andy is draped half on top of him, completely asleep. Ever since she drifted off about thirty minutes ago, he's been staring at the ceiling, listening to sound of her breathing, entirely lost in his thoughts.
He's working the early shirt tomorrow and he really should get some rest, but he's not especially confident in that happening anytime soon. He just can't turn his mind off.
When he got home this afternoon and saw her in the kitchen making dinner for him, he couldn't keep the smile off his face. Coming home to her… it's truly how he wants to end every day for the rest of his life.
That's why he was in such a good mood tonight. And it's why he couldn't stop watching her. It was like every little thing she did… all of the cute mannerisms and habits she has… he couldn't stop thinking how lucky he would be to experience them for the next fifty years.
Every smile, every laugh, every joke… every time she wrinkled her forehead or furrowed her eyebrows… bit her lip or batted her eyelashes… he seriously couldn't get enough of it tonight.
And he knew he wasn't being especially discrete. He's pretty sure he smiled more tonight than he ever has. And he knew he was staring at her just about the entire night. And he was definitely being more quiet than usual. He knew he was.
It's just that… no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts kept returning to that ring sitting in Oliver's safe. He imagined how it'll look on her finger and what she would think when she saw it for the first time. And then, he starting rehearsing the words that he'll say before he gives it to her. He just couldn't think of anything else, but that ring.
So, of course, she noticed.
It's just that… he so unbelievably in love her. And all he wants to do is to put that ring on her finger.
So, just as she started to get sleepy in his arms, he decided that he wasn't going to wait too long. He was going to ask her soon. And as she kissed him goodnight and gave him this completely wonderful smile, he was confident in his decision.
But then she fell asleep, and he was finally alone with all his thoughts.
And that's when the anxiety and the doubts kicked in.
What if she's not ready? What if it's too soon?
They did just move in together. Maybe she'll need more time?
What if this isn't what she wants?
Not for the first time tonight, he tries to shake the thoughts from his head.
Yeah, it's gonna be long night…
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It's a few nights later when something suddenly causes Andy to wake, for the third time in the past couple hours. Sam's been tossing and turning all night… actually, he hasn't been sleeping well for the past couple nights.
"Can't sleep?" She says as she opens her eyes to meet his.
"Yeah, sorry… go back to sleep," he apologizes as he briefly runs his hand up and down her back.
"You've barely been sleeping lately," she comments. "What's going on?" She questions.
"Nothing," he promises as he kisses the top of her head.
"Sam," she says with a sigh. "Talk to me… what's wrong?" She probes.
"I'm fine, don't worry… I think I just need to stop drinking coffee so late in the day," he reasons.
"You sure?" She asks, not quite buying it.
"Yeah, I promise… everything's fine," he tells her again. "Now go back to sleep… I'm gonna go take some Advil PM," he decides.
"Okay…" she says as she watches him get out of bed and head towards the medicine cabinet in their bathroom.
Once he's out of sight, she lies back down and closes her eyes, in an effort to try and go back to sleep.
Except now, she's not sure she can.
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"I don't know… he's just… he's been acting so weird lately," Andy explains to Traci, a couple days later, as the two of them are going shopping on their day off.
"How so?" Traci inquires.
"I don't know, it's hard to explain… it's like his mind is always somewhere else and he just seems… I don't know… restless and… and kind of distant," Andy replies. "And he hasn't been sleeping… he's tossing and turning all night," she adds.
"I'm sure you have nothing to worry about," Traci assures her.
"It's just… it's been almost a week of this and he always says that he's fine and there's nothing going on, but… I mean, you really don't think I should be worried?" She asks.
"Well, what specifically do you think you should be worried about?" Traci questions.
"I don't know… I mean… we've been living together for two months… maybe he's having second thoughts? Maybe it's not what he thought it would be like?" Andy reasons.
"I'm sure that's not it… you two were pretty much living together before that… he knew exactly what it would be like," Traci assures her.
"Well, I don't know… maybe he's just… over it?" She guesses.
"What? Andy, that's crazy… he loves you," she replies.
"Yeah… but I just… I know something is up," she explains. "I can feel it."
"Well, then you should just talk to him about it," Traci suggests. "Sit him down and make him tell you what's going on," she adds.
"I know… it's just that… I'm kind of terrified," she admits. "What if it's something I don't want to hear?"
Traci blows out a breath and gives her friend a sympathetic look. "Well… if it is… then… then, it's something you should know sooner rather than later," she advises.
Andy sighs and slowly nods her head. "Yeah… yeah, you're right," she agrees.
"I'm sure it's not what you're thinking," Traci offers.
"Let's hope," Andy replies with a nervous smile.
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It's been six days since he bought her that ring and he has thought of nothing else since. He knows he's been acting weird and that it definitely hasn't slipped her notice.
It's like ever since he bought it, he's been feeling extremely restless. It's as if he's just impatiently waiting for that moment when he can propose to her, except that he has no idea when that moment will be.
He just wishes that he was more confident in her answer. He wishes that he just knew she'd say yes.
But she would say yes, right?
They've been together for four years, they've talked about the future… she must want the same things. If she didn't, she wouldn't still be with him, right?
But then again, who knows?
He's honestly driven himself completely crazy these last six days. He's overanalyzed this from every single angle. He's barely gotten more than two hours of sleep each night. He's been tossing and turning, coming up with all of the different reasons she might say no.
Yeah, he's basically crawling out of his skin.
He's got to ask her soon or he'll pretty much explode.
So, that's how he, once again, finds himself on Oliver's front steps.
"Hey buddy," Oliver greets him.
"Hey," Sam replies.
"What's up?" Oliver asks, giving Sam a suspicious look. He can obviously tell that something's going on with him.
"I need the ring back," Sam explains.
"Oh," Oliver says as his eyes widen in surprise. "Okay… I'll go get it, c'mon," he says, gesturing for Sam to follow him inside.
"Thanks," Sam replies as he shuts Oliver's front door.
"So… you're gonna ask her?" Oliver assumes.
"Yeah," Sam nods as he follows Oliver up the stairs.
"I guess I kind of assumed you were gonna wait a little while," Oliver responds.
"Yeah, me too… but I'm kind of going out of my mind," Sam admits.
"I get it," Oliver tells him. "Do you know how you're gonna do it?" He asks as they walk into his bedroom and he makes his way to his closet, where he keeps his safe.
"No idea," Sam replies.
"Well, the offer to borrow the cabin is still on the table," Oliver mentions as he starts to press the numbers on the safe's keypad.
"Yeah? Actually, that would be great," Sam thanks him. "She'll love that," he adds.
"No problem," Oliver replies as he opens the safe and reaches inside. "Okay brother, here's the ring," he says as he hands the small black box to Sam and simultaneously pats him on the back. "And here's the key to the cabin," he says as he pulls his keychain out his pocket and removes one of the keys before handing it to Sam. "Good luck, Sammy."
"Yeah, thanks," Sam responds with an uneasy expression as the anxiety starts to bubble over.
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As soon as she gets home, she starts to psych herself up to talk to Sam. She's just… she's beyond nervous. She can't shake the feeling that she's opening up a can of worms.
And to make matters worse, he's acting even weirder now. He's barely said five words to her since she walked in the door and he's fidgety and completely lost in his thoughts. She's not sure if it's just her imagination but everything feels so awkward and tense between them and she has no clue why.
Eventually, she decides that she just can't put it off anymore.
"Hey, can we talk?" She asks as she sits down beside him on the couch.
His whole body tenses at her words and he instantly looks anxious as he turns to meet her eyes. "Okay…" He replies, suspiciously.
"Um so, look… I know you said that you're fine and nothing is going on with you, but you've been… different lately… really different," she explains. "So I guess I just want to make sure that… that we're okay," she continues.
"What?" He asks as he furrows his brows in confusion. "Of course we're okay," he assures her.
"You sure?" She probes.
"Yes," he responds. "Andy, we're great… we're perfect, okay?" He implores.
"Okay…" she replies, still not completely sure if she can believe him.
"Hey," he says as he grabs her hand and squeezes it. "I love you," he says, willing her to trust his words. "And I'm sorry I've been acting weird," he apologizes. "I guess that maybe I've been kind of stressed about my mom," he lies.
"Did something happen?" She wonders, unsure why he wouldn't have just talked to her about this.
"No, not really," he says with a shake of his head. "It's just… when I was there last week, the doctors told me that they want her to go to another treatment program after she's done with this one… it's six months long and I have a feeling she's going to resist," he explains.
And yeah, that part is true but with everything going on in his head lately, he hasn't even had a chance to really worry about it yet.
"Sam, you should have told me," she says as she reassuringly squeezes his hand. "You can't keep this stuff bottled up," she adds.
"I know… I've just been trying not to think about it. I mean, it's out of my control," he justifies with a shrug. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he apologizes as he wraps an arm around her body and maneuvers her onto his lap.
"S'okay," she says as she links her arms around his neck. "But… next time just talk to me," she implores. "You were really freaking me out," she confesses. "I thought… I thought maybe you were having second thoughts about us."
"What?" He says, clearly taken back. "Andy, that's the last thing that would ever happen, okay? You… us… it's the one thing I'm always sure about," he promises.
"Okay," she says with a nod and a smile, as he pulls her into a hug while his hands run up and down her back.
"I love you," he tells her, still holding her close. He can feel her smile against his neck before she pulls away, slightly, from his embrace.
"I love you, too," she tells him before leaning in for a quick kiss.
When they pull away, he smiles up at her and pushes some hair out of her face. "You know, I was thinking…" he begins. "We both have the weekend off… what do you think about going away for a couple days?" He suggests.
"Going away?" She asks with surprise. "Where to?" She wonders with a smile.
"Well… Oliver offered me the cabin," he informs her as he pulls the key out of his pocket to show her.
"He offered the cabin? What's the occasion?" She questions.
"No occasion," he replies. "I just thought it might be nice to get away for a couple days and Oliver said we could use the cabin," he tells her, trying his best to sound nonchalant.
"Okay…" she says as a smile touches her lips. "Well, I think we could definitely use a little vacation," she decides.
"Yeah, I'd say so," he agrees with a smile before he leans in for a kiss.
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"So… how did it go?" Traci asks, a bit hesitant, as Andy walks into the locker room the next day.
"Uh… good," Andy responds. "He said that he's just worried about his mom and… he wants to take me to Oliver's cabin this weekend," she informs her.
"See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about," Traci replies.
"Yeah… I guess you're right," she agrees. "I just don't get why he didn't just talk to me about his mom… it's weird," she points out.
"But you know Swarek, it's not that weird," Traci remarks.
"I guess… but he usually talks to me about this kind of thing… I don't know, I mean, it seems like everything is okay between us, but I still have this weird feeling… like he's still keeping something from me," she muses.
"I'm sure you're just being paranoid," Traci suggests.
"Yeah… I hope you're right," Andy agrees.
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"This construction is insane… this is the third detour today," Sam groans as he and Andy are patrolling the streets on Friday morning.
"Yeah…" Andy nods, as she gazes out the window. "Oh my God, do you know where we are?" She asks, when they turn down a familiar street.
"Of course I know where we are," he replies, shooting her a confused expression.
"No, I mean…" she begins with a shake of her head. "Sam, that's the alley I arrested you in!" she exclaims as she points down the street.
"Oh… yeah, you're right," he comments with a laugh and a smile.
"Good times," she says with a smirk.
"Mm… I don't know if I'd go that far," he disagrees.
"You were pretty pissed," she giggles.
"Yeah well… at the time, it was pretty much the worst thing that had ever happened to me… career-wise, at least," he reminds her.
"So dramatic," she comments with a playful roll of her eyes.
"Well, I'd like to see how you'd feel after eight months of your life go down the drain because of a rookie," he teases.
"You know it was way more Jerry's fault than mine," she argues.
"Yeah, I know," he laughs.
"Plus, I think things turned out pretty well for you," she grins.
"Really well," he agrees with a smile.
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"You're being really quiet," Andy comments as she tilts her head to look up at Sam. The two of them are snuggled together on the porch swing that sits on Oliver's deck, watching as the sun starts to go down.
And yeah, she's pretty certain that he has something on his mind given that he's barely said two words since dinner.
When he suggested going to Oliver's cabin for the weekend, she was pretty relieved. Obviously, he wouldn't suggest a weekend away if he was having doubts about them. That just wouldn't make sense.
All that being said, the uneasiness she's been feeling lately has still been lingering in her mind. She's not sure what it is, but something just doesn't seem right with him. Sure, it could just be everything that's going on with his mom, but something is telling her that it's more than that.
And then, ever since they got into his truck after shift, he's been on edge. He's been impatient and unfocused and way more quiet than usual. Yeah, it's making her nervous.
Seriously, he wouldn't bring her up here to break up with her, right?
"Just thinking," he says with a shrug.
The truth is, he's completely freaking out. His mind is swirling with all of the ways she could say no and he's talked himself in and out of this several times in just the past ten minutes. He wants it more than anything, but honestly… what if she says no?
"'Bout what?" She asks, although she's not entirely sure that she wants to know.
"I um… I was just thinking about this morning… driving by that alley," he explains.
"What do you mean?" She wonders as she moves her head back a little so she can meet his eyes.
"The whole thing seems like a lifetime ago," he muses.
"Well, it has been four years," she reminds him.
"Yeah," he nods. "It's just… it's funny… how much has changed," he continues.
"Like what?" She wonders.
"Well… just me, I guess," he replies with a shrug.
"How so?" She probes.
"I mean… back then, I was always just waiting for the next UC and I never wanted anything holding me back," he explains. "I mean… if someone would've told me five years ago that this is what my life would be right now… trying to make detective and being in a committed, long-term, relationship… I would've had a hard time believing it," he continues.
Andy hmms in response as she starts to nervously play with a strand of her hair. He can already see her beginning to overanalyze his words and he's sure she's taking them the wrong way, so without a second thought, he continues.
"But then everything happened with us and… I don't know… being with you... it changed me," he tells her as he runs his thumb along her jaw. "Suddenly, I was just… happy and those things that I never wanted before like stability and commitment… they stopped sounding dull and boring and started to sound really good," he explains with a reassuring smile.
"It's funny because, when you arrested me… I really meant what I said earlier… at the time, I thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me on the job, but eventually… I realized that the opposite was true," he tells her. "It's just… back then… I never could've anticipated how important you'd become to me… but it's been four years and you really are everything to me," he says as his fingers skim down her spine. "Andy, if I have you… I have everything I want," he tells her before pausing and taking a breath. "You're… you're the love of my life," he declares.
Her eyes widen and she's a bit stunned as she sucks in some air and tries to formulate a response.
"I don't even want to imagine what my life would be like if you hadn't tackled me in that alley… but I'm sure I would be nowhere near as happy because… because I know that nothing could ever feel as right as it does with you," he continues as he pushes a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Sam," she says, starting to get a bit of emotional.
"You're the only person I want for the rest of my life," he continues before he gets up off the swing and stands in front of her while reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. Then suddenly, he's getting down on one knee and opening his hand to show her a black, velvet box.
And yeah, Andy is completely stunned.
"So… will you marry me?" He asks as he opens the box and exposes the diamond ring he bought her.
Andy's eyes are as wide as he's ever seen them and she's completely speechless for what feels like an eternity, but is probably only a second or two.
"Oh my God…. are you… are you serious?" she asks, practically whispering.
"Pretty serious," he says with a nod and an amused smile.
"Holy shit," she replies, a bit breathless.
"Andy?" He asks as he raises his eyebrows while waiting for her response.
"Yes… Sam, yes," she declares with a big smile.
"Yes? Really?" He questions.
"Yes… of course," she confirms before she leaps off the swing and almost tackles him as she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss.
She can feel him pour everything into this kiss and it just feels wonderful.
Several moments later, when he reluctantly pulls away in favor of sucking in a breath, she looks up to meet his eyes and finds him pretty much beaming at her. She can't help but grin back at him, but then she follows his eyes to the ring in his hand and they both watch, intently, as he slowly slips it on her finger.
When he looks back at up at her, she's still admiring her new ring. "Like it?" He asks, as he gets his hands on her waist.
That's when she looks back up at him and smiles. "It's gorgeous… I love it," she assures him, as they exchange another smile. "When did you get it?" She wonders.
"Last week," he tells her as he pulls her closer, causing both of her hands to land on his chest.
"So is that actually why you've been acting so weird?" she questions.
"Sorry," he says with a laugh. "I guess I was a little stressed about the whole thing," he admits.
"What's there to be stressed about? Did you think I'd say no?" She asks like it's a completely stupid thought to have.
"It may have crossed my mind," he admits with a shrug.
"Seriously?" She asks, incredulously.
"You never know…" he reminds her.
She laughs out loud at his words and shakes her head while giving him an affectionate smile.
"Why is that funny?" He asks as his own smile creeps onto his lips.
"It's just that… I pretty much decided a long time ago that I was never letting you go," she tells him.
His smile widens as his fingers trace her spine. "Well, that would've been nice to know," he quips.
"Sorry," she says with a chuckle before she leans in and kisses him. When she eventually pulls away, she stays close and presses her forehead against his as a smile plays on her lips. "So, I guess this means that I really do get you forever," She muses.
"Pretty sure that's what this means," he says as he taps her engagement ring.
"And you get me forever," she replies.
"That's the plan," he says with a grin.
That's when she gets this beautiful grin on her face and leans in for another kiss. And just as he's about to slip his tongue in her mouth, she abruptly pulls away and gets up on her feet.
"What are you doing?" He questions as he reaches for her.
She laughs and grabs at his arm to pull him up. "Gotta go have sex with my fiancé right this second," she grins.
And well… he really likes the sound of that.
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Hope this chapter made up for the wait.
Let me know what you think!