"I told you guys NO," I state firmly as I look at my friends who have gathered at my soon-to-be old pace with Reves.

"But it's a tradition," Stacy whines.

"C'mon, it's only one night and it's not that bad," Torrie pleads. I just wanted to have a nice night with my bride's maids before I get married tomorrow and everything is dicks this and dicks that. How typical.

I just wanted to have a nice night with my bride's maids before I get married tomorrow and everything is dicks this and dicks that. How typical. "Guys, this stuff is so ridiculous - no pun intended. Where'd you get all this lame crap anyway? Spencer's?" I question.

"Guilty," Rev chimes in as she comes from the other room holding a martini glass that's stem looks like a penis.

"Oh, my God," I groan, putting my hands over my face and rubbing my eyes in hopes of maybe blinding myself. "Ok, let's just get this over with," I am bombarded with a stupid plastic tiara with a veil and a sash that says "BRIDE".

"Heather, don't look so grumpy. It's all in fun," Lita tries to coax me.

Then I hear the doorbell ring. I open the door and Jeremiah looks at me for a moment and laughs, "Oh man! They go you. That is hilarious." He pulls out three twenty dollar bills and hands one each to Stacy, Torrie, and Lita.

"What is this?" I ask.

"I bet them each twenty bucks that they couldn't get you to go along with this, let alone get you into those silly costume pieces."

I glance at the three girls, then back to Jeremiah with a sordid expression. "Trust me, I'm not happy about it."

"And people say I'm a horrible person..." Stephanie shakes her head.

"Here, have a cupcake," Reves says as she hands me a confection adorn with little penis-shaped candies. I pick them off and throw them in the trash. "She's not one for eating d-"

"Rev! Shut up!" I shout, slapping her in the arm.

"Ok, ok. Let's play a game," Trish projects her voice over the commotion. "No pressure, it's Bridal Bingo. Just have the word or phrase on your card.

"Great! Now we're like horny grandmas at the nursing home, hoping we have the word blowjob on our card like it's the most actions we've gotten in forty years," I say sarcastically.

"God, I hope not," Jeremiah wrinkles his nose.

All of a sudden the doorbell rings and my eyes glaze over in fury. "Guys..." I start.

"What?" a couple of them say, looking relatively innocent. Their acting for promos has given them pretty good poker faces, but I know something is up because no one else is supposed to come.

"Who's at the door?" I demand slowly.

"Why don't you see?" Re replies, cockily.

"Hell no! Every time I answer the door bad shit happens to me. Besides, I know you all set some shit up."

"Like what?" Lita asks.

"Strippers!" I state matter of fact.

The doorbell rings a second time. "For the love of God," Reves runs to the door and opens it and sure enough, in walk You three men in cheesy firemen garbs.

My visage turns beet red as my hands fly over my face and I fall back onto the couch. "Oh my God! I HATE you guys!" I exclaim.

"We heard there was a fire caused by some smokin' hot ladies that needs to be extinguished," one of them states.

Oh Lord, queue the corny as lines! Really? I stand up. "Look-" I begin.

"You the bride?" another one asks.

"Yes, but-" Next thing I know, I'm being hoisted up by him as he grinds his pelvis against me in a most undignified way. "Hey!" I shout. "Put me down you jerk!" I demand as I push roughly against his chest.

He puts me down and looks rather shocked and confused. I think a moment, and realize that was totally harsh and rude. He is just doing the jobs he gets paid for.

"I'm really sorry," I say apologetically, "That was completely ignorant and rude. I didn't mean to call you a jerk. It's just that, I'm not into this kind of stuff. You'd think my friends would know me better than that." I glare at them. I tip them all handsomely and tell them to call it a night, which they seem perfectly fine with.

"You guys fucking suck!" I exclaim as I storm into my room and slam the door. I start to shed a couple tears. Yeah, I'm being a drama queen, but it really hurts that my friends are too ignorant to know my limitations or just don't care. I hear them whispering, with a short fit of giggles by someone who is quickly shushed. I can't make out any words and that makes me even more furious. Then, there's a knock on the door.

"C'mon, Heather. Don't be mad. Please," It's Rev's voice on the other side of the door, "C'mon, open up."

I get up and jerk the door open, "What?"

"We didn't mean to upset you. It was just a joke," Rev explains, looking doe-eyed. The rest gang is behind her.

"A joke?" I repeat in a sour tone.

"Honey, it was a prank. We knew this wasn't your style, so we set this up as laugh. This isn't even your real party," Jeremiah informs me.

I look skeptical,"Wait, you're telling me you guys set this up and spent all this money and hired those guys to basically punk me?" I ask, stepping out of the room.

"Yep," I hear them say almost in unison.

I fight the smile creeping across my face as I wipe away a lone tear. "You still fucking suck, you bitches," I say, letting a giggle take over and everyone crowds in for a group hug.

"Come on. The limo will be here in couple minutes," Torrie says cheerfully.

"Where are we going?" I ask wearily.

"It's a surprise," Trish says with a smirk.

"It better not be a strip club," I warn.

"Like we would do something like that after the hissy fit you threw? Yeah, right," Reves retorts.

"Well, you tried to act so innocent about the strippers," I shoot back.

The limo arrives and they still don't tell me where we are going, but it doesn't take very long. I step out of the limo. "It's a tea house," I say in delighted surprise.

"It certainly is unconventional, don't you think?" Lita smiles.

So, the girls and I sit down and have a nice little tea party, which to me is better than a bar crawl any day.

Still, in the back of my mind, I can't help but think about what Kevin is doing. I know he and the boys are known as outrageous partiers and it makes me a little sad think that strip joints are probably involved. Yet, we never really talked about it or set boundaries. Oh, well, I think. It's Kevin and he's gonna do what he's gonna do.

Somehow, I can't help but feel a little better though, when Reves tells me she took a video of that stripper and me and sent it to Kev. I didn't even notice and now, as it sinks in, I am mortified. "Oh, my God, Rev. That's not at all embarrassing!"

"Don't worry. Marriage is one big embarrassment, anyway" Stephanie tells me with a smile.

Ugh, the cringing as I typed this. Lawd, I was so extra!