When I woke up, I was on a bedroll in a room in the abandoned cabin. It was light outside and I could hear birds chirping through the chinks in the walls. It was actually pretty nice, until I remembered that I was in deep trouble. Then, I just wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. Instead, I got out of the bedroll and visited the bathroom, thankful this place had a working well. It certainly didn't have any electricity.
From what I could tell, Dean and Sam were out. The main part of the cabin was pretty much empty. The fireplace was empty, and it was cold, so I went and got some wood from the woodpile outside and carried it in. I got some matches, tinder, and kindling and lit the fire the old-fashioned way, the way Sam and Dean had shown me, knowing that if I tried to do it with my abilities, I'd light the whole place up. The cabin was rickety and falling apart. The walls were made of drying wood planks. There's no way this place wouldn't go up like a tinderbox with the smallest mistake.
There was a bag of food on the table from a truck stop that they must have stopped at during the drive back. I dug through it until I found some breakfast bars and a banana. The bars were disgusting, but they'd keep my hunger at bay until the guys got back. Then I settled onto the couch to read, taking advantage of what would possibly be my last chance to do so for a while.
I wasn't sure how much trouble I was in. I'd confessed after some time had passed, and apologized, and swore not to do it again, and I'd meant every word. I didn't know yet if Dean had told Sam what I'd done or how mad Sam was going to be if he hadn't, since both of them had told me no.
My stomach started to hurt and the disgusting breakfast bar wasn't sitting well. I went back into the room where my bedroll was and pulled out the water bottle, taking several long swallows. It didn't help. Now I just had water sloshing around inside me on top of my disgusting breakfast bar. I pulled a blanket off my bedroll and dragged it and the snowman into the main room with me. I curled back onto the couch and tried to read, but I couldn't concentrate. I wished that the guys would get back. I gave up trying to read and looked at the fire, resting my chin on my snowman.
If fire wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world, I didn't know what was. All orange and red and yellow. It flickered and danced and moved. It destroyed and it warmed. Staring into the fire, I lost myself in the flame, able to let everything go and just be blank.
"Did you eat?" Dean asked, coming into the room with a couple more plastic bags. I gasped and jumped, turning to look at him with ghosts of flames still burned into my vision.
"Uh, yeah," I stuttered, blinking my eyes. "I had one of those gross breakfast bar things." I shook my head to clear it of the fire daze. "And a banana."
Sam came into the room carrying a stack of books. "You light that fire the way we showed you or your way?"
"The way that you showed me," I said. "It was cold." I paused. "Don't you guys ever sleep?"
They ignored me. I knew it was only three weeks until Dean's deal was up and they were both running on high, but how often they were up when I wasn't bugged me. But then, I usually slept like ten or eleven hours at night because if I didn't, I was grumpy and no one wanted that.
The guys put their stuff down on the table and then Dean turned to me. "You ready to talk about yesterday?" he asked me.
I flushed and tried to shrug nonchalantly. I think I failed. Dean came to stand behind me and Sam leaned against the fireplace in front of me with his arms crossed, looking at me. I guess that answered my question of whether or not Dean had told him.
"Tell Sam what you told me in the car yesterday," Dean said. He put his hand on my shoulder and that made me feel a little better, but I was still worried about Sam's reaction.
Stomach churning, I looked at the fire burning in the fireplace and said in a small voice, "I snuck into the trunk and took some dream root and then used it to talk to Gabby in a dream the night before last." He didn't say anything right away so I snuck a glance at him. His jaw was twitching. Definitely not a good sign. I met Sam's eyes and held my hands up. "I only did it because I thought she could save Dean from hell, but she can't. I know it was a stupid move. I know I need to ask before I try to help and I need to obey you when you tell me not to. I'm so sorry, Sam! I promise I'll do better."
Sam stared at me in silence for a long time as if evaluating how honest I was being. I met his eyes and then he looked at Dean. "She volunteered it all," Dean said. "Well, after she denied it the first time, but then she confessed and she apologized. She swore she wouldn't do it anymore."
"What did Gabby say?" Sam asked calmly, but I could hear the anger behind it.
"She said that she couldn't help Dean. She said she wasn't strong enough. Then she let me go," I said. I looked back at the flickering fire. Just staring at it made me feel better.
"She didn't make you promise anything?" Sam asked.
"She told me I could call her any time, but I'm not going to call her again. I swear. I want nothing to do with her," I tore my eyes away from the fire to meet Sam's again.
"She wants you, you know that, right?" Sam asked. "She wants to take you and use you up and she's only being nice to you so that she can convince you to help her or trick you into it. Goddesses are as bad as demons. Hell, some of them are demons. The more you try to use her to solve your problems, the more you put yourself in her power. "
"Look who's talking," Dean muttered. Sam didn't hear him.
"I was just trying to help," I objected.
"You ever hear the saying 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'?" Sam asked. I shook my head. "It means that you can end up in hell just trying to help simply by making the wrong choices." He snorted and glanced at Dean. "For most people, it's not quite as literal as it is for us."
"I know, and I'm sorry! I know it was wrong. I won't do it again. I'll listen to you guys when you tell me not to help. I should've been all along," I said. I was starting to feel desperate to convince him that I meant it.
Sam looked at Dean, and Dean came around in front of me and leaned against the table that was in the middle of the room. "What rules did you break?" he asked me.
I flushed and resettled the snowman in my lap. "I disobeyed you by contacting Gabby when you said not to; I went in the trunk and took the dream root; I lied the first time when you asked me about it. I put myself in danger both with Gabby and by taking the dream root." I looked up at him.
Dean looked grim. "Normally with that list, I'd be taking off my belt now," he said. I blanched. "But," he continued, "you confessed and you apologized. You took responsibility for your screw up and you said that wouldn't do it again." He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head at me. "So I'm letting you off easy."
Relief washed over me only to be whisked away with his next words. "You ever pull this kind of shit again, and you will be one sorry little girl. No confession and no apology will get you out of it. Are we clear?"
"Yes, Dean," I whispered, looking down at my snowman's hat. Dean pulled the chair out from beneath the table and sat down in it.
"Come here," he said.
I slowly got to my feet and set the snowman down on my blanket. "But you said that you were going to let me off easy."
"I am letting you off easy. If you'd like me to illustrate the difference..." he said, and I was at his side almost immediately. He tugged down my pajama bottoms and pulled me over his knee, bringing his hand down hard on my butt. It fell again and again until I was crying. I kicked my legs until he moved his own to trap them. I grabbed the leg of the chair and cried until he finished with a couple of sharp smacks where my cheeks met my thighs. He put me on my feet and tugged my pajama bottoms back up.
"Jessie," Sam said. I turned my head to look at him. He crooked his finger at me and I trudged over to stand in front of him. I looked up at him. He was silent for a minute, and then he said, "I am very disappointed in you, young lady. You knew better than to go in the trunk. You knew better than to use the dream root, and you knew better than to contact the goddess." He shook his head. "You are lucky that you came out of that dream alive."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, tears falling from my eyes. I looked away. He was disappointed in me. The pain in my stomach flared back up. "I didn't want to disappoint you."
He bent so that he was closer to my level. He put his finger under my chin and made me look at him. "You'd better never do something like this again. I'm with Dean on this. I'll take off my belt if it happens again. You understand me?"
"Yes, Sam," I whispered, unable to meet his eyes.
He straightened up and stared at me for another long minute. "I have some stories I want you to read, and when you're done, you're going to write me up a report on how the demons or other supernatural beings in the stories tricked the person the story is about, and then we'll talk about it. When we're done with that, we're going talk about how Gabby can take advantage of you, what your weaknesses are."
"Yes, Sam," I said. I wasn't sure what to think of that. On one hand, yay, reading. On the other, I hated transferring my thoughts about stories into writing, and talking about my weaknesses sounded like it was going to be uncomfortable.
"Go change. I've got some chores I want you to do while Dean and I figure out our next move. And you'd better stay on my good side today. Dean may have had time to stop being angry with you, but I'm still pretty pissed."
I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, and he rolled his eyes. "Ok, come here," he said. He pulled me into a hug. "I love you. It's going to be ok. I promise."
"You'll forgive me?" I whispered into his abs.
"I've already forgiven you, honey. I'm just upset that you went and did something so dangerous after we told you not to." He stroked my hair and then let me go. "Go on."
I turned to leave the room, and Dean caught my arm as I went by him and pulled me into his embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight. "I love you, Dean. I'm sorry."
"I know, sweetheart," he said. "I love you too." He let me go. "Now go change so Sam can tell you to clean out my car." He grinned at Sam and Sam rolled his eyes again. I headed across the cabin to the room where my bedroll was.