Happy New Year!!!!

Chapter 38

Lets Be Friends

"How would I know that? Remember? I don't mean anything to you…"

Lucas' words just kept playing over and over inside her head. It was like they were tormenting her, slowly driving her insane. And the worst part was she couldn't figure out why she was letting his words bother her. After all, he couldn't possibly still mean something to her…could he? No, she quickly decided…he didn't matter. She wouldn't let him.

You know that's not true, a voice in her head whispered.

"All I want to do is sleep," she whined.

"Just admit that he still matters," the voice taunted. "Admit it Brooke. You know you want to."

"I will not!" she responded stubbornly.

"Come on," the voice egged. "I'll let you sleep once you do."

"Fine!" she shouted throwing the covers off her heated body, confessing in the dark. "He means something to me. He never stopped meaning something."

That was the problem. It hadn't mattered that she hadn't seen him in years or that they never spoke anymore or that on some levels she still hadn't forgiven him for sleeping with her ex-best friend. She still couldn't stop her heart from caring about the boy she once called Broody. Brooke smiled just thinking about the old nickname.

Her Broody.

He had meant so much to her and one decision, one mistake, had taken him away from her forever, it seemed like. She wanted to get past it, to move on but how was someone supposed to forgive something like that? And even if she could, Brooklyn would constantly serve as a tangible reminder of his betrayal.

"It's not fair," she sighed. "Why does everything bad have to happen to me?"

She cursed herself, God, and especially Peyton for ever setting her sights on Lucas in the first place. Things would have been so much easier if Peyton had just found her own man instead of chasing hers.

She turned the lamp on and reached for the remote but accidentally knocked the phone off instead.

She groaned, "Goddamn it."

Throwing her legs over the side of the bed and dropping to the floor, Brooke guessed she wasn't going to get any sleep that night.

"This night just keeps getting better and better," she sarcastically muttered.

Setting the phone back in its place, she grabbed the remote and plopped into bed, hoping something was on TV. She decided on a comedy, forgoing the romantic movies that seemed to be playing on every channel. Sometime later Brooke found herself drifting off to sleep with a voice in her head telling her everything would be okay.

She couldn't help but want to believe it.

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She was dreaming…

…And someone was banging on her door.

"What the hell?" she muttered, half asleep.

"Brooke, open the door!" the male voice called from the other side of it.

There was more banging. And it was getting louder and really starting to tick her off. Throwing the covers off, for the third time that night she turned the light on, royally pissed at whoever was banging incessantly at her door.

"Someone is about to die," she mumbled, coming to.

"Come on, Brooke! Open the door. It's freezing out here!"

She so recognized that voice.

"Lucas Scott?" she called out, her voice still horse from sleep. "What the hell do you think you're doing? It's three in the morning, you jackass! I was trying to sleep."

She yanked open the door and Lucas' eyes nearly plunged out of his head.

"Are you crazy?" he asked, surprised at her attire and pulling them both into the life-size room as he shut the door behind them. "What are you doing answering the door in that?"

"Excuse me?"

"What if I was a rapist?"

Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Okay, first of all, Lucas, I knew it was you," she got in his face. "And second of all who the hell do you think you are banging on my door so early in the morning?"

She grabbed the robe hanging on the edge of the bed and covered herself up.

"Are you done yet?" he asked.

"Not even close. Just who the hell do you think you are telling me what I can and can't wear?" she further demanded. "What does it matter to you anyhow? You're with Peyton."

It was Lucas' turn to roll his eyes.

"Get something new, Brooke, because the 'You're with Peyton' line is getting a little old."

"Ugh!" she grunted. "What do you want anyways?"

He took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"And that couldn't wait until morning?" she asked irritated. "It's three a.m. Lucas. It's not like I'm not going anywhere."

He looked right at her.

"How am I supposed to know that, Brooke?" he asked. "You disappeared seven years ago and I never saw you again. For all I know, you were headed on a plane back to California."

"I'm not going to apologize for leaving, Lucas," she said pulling her robe more tightly around her.

"And I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking?" she asked softly, desperately wanting sleep.

He took a deep breath.

"I…I'm just asking that you hear me out and maybe cut me some slack. Do you think you could do that?" he asked.

"You've got five minutes Lucas and then I'm going to bed."

Brooke reluctantly took a seat next to him on the bed.

Lucas smiled shyly.

"Thanks."

She nodded already feeling somewhat uncomfortable at his closeness and the direction she knew the conversation would soon head in.

"I want you to know that I haven't been with Peyton like that since the summer of junior year," he started, gently turning her face to his. "I love Peyton, Brooke, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with her. I know this hurts you but she is the mother of my child and we'll always been connected through Brooklyn."

He could literally feel her shut down at the mention of Peyton being the mother of his child. She didn't physically pull away but emotionally, she immediately put up a wall.

"Please don't do that," he whispered, desperately trying to stop her. "Don't shut me out."

Brooke shook her head. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind when he asked to talk to her.

"I'm not trying too," she whispered. "But how would you feel if I said something like that to you about…Nathan? Or if I had a child with Nathan?"

He thought for moment and then admitted, "It'd feel like I got punched in the stomach."

"Now you know how I've felt everyday since I found out."

Lucas gently laid his hand on her thigh, missing the feel of her. "Brooke I'm…"

"Sorry," she finished for him, somehow expecting more than just an apology but realizing there was nothing else he could say. "I know you are but…"

"It isn't enough, is it?" he asked.

She wanted more than anything to say it was, that they could start over but it wasn't and they couldn't. Because she knew even if they did Peyton would eventually come between them and if by a miracle he convinced her otherwise, there would still be a part of her that she kept to herself, a part that no one none could know about …especially Lucas. All she had to offer was friendship.

"I wish I had the words to convince you that what happened eight years ago had nothing to do with the way I felt, feel, about you," he said. "That the way I feel and felt about Peyton is completely different from how I feel about you."

"Lucas, I…"

"I love you, Brooke," he declared. "I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear but I can't help it. You…you're the one for me. I loved you eight years ago and I still love you now."

She wiped her eyes and stood up, taken aback at his surprising and candid confession.

"No. Don't…don't you do that. Please. You can't say that to me, Lucas…"

He stood up as well.

"Why not?" he asked. "It's the truth. Look, I know we have problems but they can be fixed."

"Lucas, we aren't a couple and Brooklyn isn't a problem you can fix."

"What are you saying?" he asked quietly, his eyes giving away to his rising emotions.

"I don't know…I just," she paused not really believing the words coming out her mouth. "Brooklyn is a really great kid but…but it hurts, talking to her, being around her… everytime I see her, I'm reminded of what you and Peyton did."

"Brooke, she's my daughter," he spoke gently.

"Do you think I don't know that?" she raised her voice. "That's the whole point, Lucas. She isn't our daughter, she's yours and Peyton's."

"But she could be ours as well," he said, desperate.

"Lucas, stop it. That doesn't make any sense. You know that could never work out."

"Why not? Brooke, we could make it work, you and me. If we love each other enough."

"Lucas…"

"Be with me, be apart of my life, and I promise you I will never give you a reason to doubt me, to doubt us again."

The moment was surreal. She wanted to give in, to give him another chance but she couldn't. Her heart couldn't take another heartbreak. Especially now.

"Luke…" she stopped, trying to think of the right words. "So much has changed. There are things about me…about my life that you don't know. Things I couldn't possibly tell you."

"What things?" he asked.

"Private things…" her voice trailed off. "I'm sorry but I just don't see how it could possibly work...now or ever even."

Lucas was never one to except defeat easily. She was too close and she was too beautiful and his heart had waited for her, for that moment, for their second chance for far too long. He just couldn't walk away and give up.

"I don't care…I mean I care but not enough to let it keep us apart," he continued, pulling her towards him, relishing in the fact that just like he knew she would, she fit perfectly into his arms. "I'm going to kiss you."

His voice was delicate, as he feared that she'd run away. Brooke knew in her heart she should pull away, put distance between them but heaven help her, as the old feelings came rushing back. Not the feelings of anger, jealousy and betrayal but the original feelings back when they were Broody and Cheery and the whole world was at their feet. After so many years and so much pain, now she just wanted him to kiss her.

"I know," she whispered, trembling uncontrollably as she craved it.

Judging by the urgency in his lips as they attacked hers, he did too. It had been way too long since she felt his lips on hers. His tongue begged for entrance and Brooke never being able to deny for him for long, gave in and met him thrust, for thrust. It was a gentle kiss, turned passionate. Neither seemed to be able to get enough.

Brooke broke the lip lock first, desperate for a breath of air.

"Wow…" she muttered.

Her hand sought out her swollen and still tingling lips while her eyes never left his. It was wrong but she didn't care. She couldn't help it. And she couldn't deny it any longer. She wanted him.

"Brooke…" he began.

"Ssshhh..." she whispered, placing a finger to his mouth. "You'll ruin the moment."

Forgetting all about just being friends she reached for his hand and took a seat on the edge of the bed. He stood still between her legs, knowing that he would eventually have to stop her. Her small, seemingly unsure hands untied her robe and grabbed the bottom of her nightie, intending to take if off but Lucas reached outward.

"It's too soon…" he reached out for her hands. "Brooke, I didn't come here for this. We don't have to."

Her eyes found his and pain flashed behind hers and then recognition at what they were just about to do.

"Oh my God…" she said as she slowly floated back to reality.

She untangled herself and reached for her robe, embarrassed beyond belief. How could she have let this happen? What he must have thought of her…

"Um, I, I don't normally…" she tried to explain.

"I know," he replied.

She smiled and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Maybe it's just best if you go," she looked towards the door.

Lucas nodded and took a step towards her. That's not how he wanted to end things for the evening but he knew she was right.

"Think about what I said, Brooke, because I meant every word of it," he lightly touched her arm. "You and I were meant to be and one of these days you're going to realize it."

And then he was gone.

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Surprisingly Brooke didn't have any trouble getting to sleep after her chat with Lucas. And even she was willing to admit she hadn't slept so well in months. The only thing she couldn't quite explain was the kiss and her invitation to sex. If Lucas hadn't stopped her they would have had sex, making their current situation ten times worst. She didn't know what had come over her. One minute nothing made sense and the next she was in his arms and everything made sense. Not to mention kissing him was like breathing…she couldn't help but do it.

Now she didn't know how to act around him. Should she wait for him to come to her or should she go to him? Should she mention the kiss or pretend it never happened? Were they friends now or was he still stuck on being more? Did a part of her want to go on ignoring him just as she had for the years since school? If she were at home, Brooke would have already called Heather and the two would be sitting in front of the television, pitting to pieces just want the kiss meant. Today the telephone would have to do.

It took Heather all of one ring to pick up.

"Brooke, hon, what's up?"

"I kissed him," she blurted out.

"Took you long enough," Heather laughed.

"Oh God, Heather this is so bad. I am supposed to be mad at him not making out with him. And to make matters worst I totally threw myself at him."

Brooke nervously rambled on and on.

"What? Wait a minute! You guys had sex?"

"No. No, of course not, we just made out…well kissed really."

"Wait, what? I thought you said you threw yourself at him?" she asked confused.

"Quit reminding me, Heather. And anyways sleeping with him would have been a major mistake so I'm glad he stopped me."

"He stopped you?" she chuckled. "Brooke Davis actually got turned down! Never thought I would see the day."

"Oh shut up!" Brooke dramatically threw herself on the bed. "It was seriously the most embarrassing moment in my life. Here I was just about to take off my shirt and he stops me and says, it's too soon I didn't come here for this," she mocked.

"Awww, that's kind of sweet."

"It is not," she complained. "I've never felt more like a slut in my life."

"Is that so?" she asked. "Well, I seem to remember you saying the same thing in college after a massive frat party."

"You swore you'd never mention that night again!"

Heather laughed.

"All I'm saying Brooke, is surely that night was much worst then last night."

"Well…maybe," she admitted. "But it was still embarrassing."

"I'm sure Lucas didn't mind all that much," Heather teased. "He probably wanted you as much as much as you wanted him."

"How would you know? You've never met him," she reminded her. "And anyway I never said I wanted Lucas."

"Brooke, its me you're talking to. You don't have to say it, I just know. We both know you wouldn't be there if it wasn't for him."

Brooke started to interrupt but Heather beat her to it.

"You can deny it all you want but he's the only reason you're there."

"Maybe he's the main reason I'm back but there are other things as well."

"Okay," she purposely took the bait. "Like what?"

"Come on. Heather, you know things are different now. I just needed to see before…" her voice trailed off.

"Don't talk like that," she said.

"Why? Its the truth."

"But Brooke it doesn't have to be this way. You know you have options."

"None of which I'm willing to consider," she said. "Haven't we been through this before?"

"Brooke please...I'm trying here."

"Please...just drop it, okay?"

Heather signed. "For now."

"Good. Now are you going to help me figure out what to do about Lucas or am I going to have to figure it out on my own?"

"You know I'll help you…" she slumped in her kitchen chair, fretting that Brooke could be so dense at times. "What do you want?"

She shrugged not sure herself.

"I don't know but I don't think it's wise to be anything more than friends."

"Well you might not want to kiss him then," she joked.

"Ha, ha, ha Heather but seriously I'm not really ready to go down that road again. Plus there's Brooklyn to consider, not to mention a certain ex-best friend."

"Have you met her yet? Brooklyn, I mean?"

"Once," Brooke confessed. "She's a beautiful little girl, very sweet too."

"What about her mom?"

"What about her?" Brooke asked. "I saw her too and it was hard but I got through it just like I've gotten though everything else in my life."

"Maybe you should talk to her."

"Heather…"

"Just hear me out. I mean, you've talked to Lucas and I guess kind of agreed to be friends."

"You don't even know the half of it," she muttered under her breath, remembering his declaration of love. "I don't know if that's a good idea. There are still so many raw emotions between us."

"Well it takes two to tango. I'm just saying if you can forgive one it shouldn't be any problem to forgive the other."

"I haven't forgiven Lucas…yet," she coyly added.

"Well, don't you think maybe it's time? It's been seven years."

It was a touchy subject but if Brooke was willing to be friends then she supposed she was on the right track.

"I'm working on it…"

"Good girl," Heather nodded. "Listen, hon, I have to get to work but we'll talk again soon. Love you!"

"You too."

Heather was right. Brooke knew she would eventually have to have it out with Peyton but until then she was just fine with pretending the curly blonde didn't exist.

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tbc...