Again.. Italics is Faith's book. Scenes are rewritten from "Revelations".. (or as I like to call it the end of life as we know it on third watch).
"I'm not gonna sit behind a desk for the rest of my life. It's not gonna happen. So I'm asking you." He managed to keep his voice steady even though his legs were not. He lowered himself to the coffee table, still amazed by how easily she said no. It's never been easy for her to say no to him. "Everything that we've been through together..."
Mary Alice couldn't breath, she could only stare at him in stunned silence, he leaned forward a little shoulders slumping in remorse. She couldn't, not after everything. Not after everything he's been through. Not after everything she's done. She can't risk this.
"You're not thinking straight." The words finally came, in a whisper. She leaned forward towards him. "I'm gonna tell you right now," She pressed her eyes in to his, begging him to take her word for this. "You do not wanna do this."
"It's all I got. If I don't get back on, what am I supposed to do?" This was where she was supposed to tell him. This is the opening she'd waited for all these years. This is when she was supposed to look at him and tell him it's not all he has.
He has her.
But she can't and she doesn't know why.
"There are plenty of jobs that you can do down at the department." It sounded ridiculous, even to her. She sat back, swallowing hard and clutching her knee to her chest.
"No. I need to be in the radio car, answering calls." He had forced the words out before he accidentally said 'our radio car' like he wanted to. He squinted his eyes in an effort not to break down. He wouldn't break down, not now. Not after how easily she said no. "It's what I do. It's what I'm good at." His eyes begged her to tell him something different. To tell him there is something else, but her gaze is blank. "It's what I do!"
"I can't help you." She heard the sharpness in her voice, the lack of anything other than conviction and it surprised her.
Then she remembered why. She remembered him lifeless on the floor; the rhythmic movement of his vented chest, each echo of the bullets she pumped into Mann leaving the clip. She saw the cold fury in Finney's eyes when she confessed that it was her. It was her.
"I saved your life that night.." Her eyes shot up to his and she held them there. They never talk about that night. She didn't think they ever would. "And you won't do this for me?" Tears stung the corners of her eyes refusing to jump. She wanted to explain. She wanted to tell him. About him on the floor and Mann on the roof . "You're gonna sit there and you're gonna look at me and you're gonna tell me that you won't shoot a damn target?!"
He made it sound so simple. Like that was all it was about, like he'd be fine out there if she would just do this one thing. Like all the rest of it would just fall into place. Vision or not. Aim or not. Like he'd be fine out there without her to watch over him.
"Of all the people I thought that I c--- I could come to you." His anger built, spilling out over the words and onto her living room floor. The small space between them filled like a river and she knew nothing would ever be the same again.
"Jack, that is not fair." She whispered, wishing her voice still calmed him; wishing she could undo the damage done, that she could still reach out and pull him to her and make it all go away.
"To hell with you." His head shook as he looked at the floor and into her imaginary river.
"Jack." She called again as he swung towards the door and out of it before she had a chance to think of what came next.
"No, to hell with you!"
"Jack." Her voice was frantic now. She knew if the door closed it was over. Fifteen years gone in one badly staged dramatic act. "Jack, please don't do this."
The look he gave her as the door slammed shut is what finally brought the tears to her cheeks.
I want to call her.
Sam looks over at me again and I wonder how I must look, my jaw clenched, fingers clawed around the pages.
I need to call her and tell her I'd never say those things. I'd never ask her that.
"122-Adam respond to a 10-66 at Horang and Benson."
Well, I'd never ask her that again, anyway. And that's not even what I asked her. I asked to shoot for her.. not have her shoot for.. awh crap. I have to call her.
"How you doing over there Shakespeare?" Sam mutters softly. He's been acting weird all night. I've been Romeo, Hamlet and now Shakespeare himself.
"Fine." I shoot back absently.
I would totally ask her. Hell, I'd probably have said those things. I need to call her.
"How 'bout you pick up our call then?" Sam nods to the radio and I realize I just sat there though a call.
"Oh.. I.." I grapple toward the radio but Sam just shakes his head and grabs his.
" Copy central 10-66 at Horang and Benson..122-Adam responding." He turns his eyes lazily towards me as I flip on the siren. "Lot on your mind?"
"It's her stupid book." I huff.
"It's not good?"
"No." I didn't mean to shout that. I really didn't. "It's too good. It's.. too.. " I shake my head at him. "Possible."
"Possible..?"
"It's like an alternate reality." I blow air from my lips. "What could have happened."
"Humm." He scans the intersection before spotting the man who must be our suspicious character. "It's Bernie."
I roll my eyes as he flashes our brights on him and the old man waves at us enthusiastically.
"It's bad? The alternate reality?"
"It makes me feel like I owe her an apology." I admit. "All the time."
I take a breath as Sam rolls down my window as he pulls up along side and puts the cruiser in park.
"Hey Bernie."
"Officer Maurice!" He yells back drunkenly.
"You told me last time you'd take a cab home from Poker from now on." I remind him. "You scare the little old ladies that live in these houses Bernie."
I point at the condos sweeping my fingers over to the small cluster of single families to the right.
"Awh.." Bernie moans shaking his head like it's ridiculous. I hear Sam open his door and get out.
"Besides.. you're going the wrong way." I chuck my thumb South. "You live back there Bernie."
He gazes down the street and then back up it in confusion.
"Get in Bernie." Sam sighs.
"You arestin' me Sam?"
"Nah.. We're taken you home before Franny gets worried and calls to report you missin' again." I sigh, rolling my eyes.
"Aahh.. Franchescha my one true love!" Bernie sings, as Sam pulls him to the car.
"Watch your head buddy." My partner tucks him in.
"When you are luck enough to find your one true love.. never let her go!!" He bellows. "Right Sam?"
"Right Bernie." Sam says back. "Bernie, true love has my man Maurice here wanting to apologize for things he might have done given the chance."
"Is she worth it?" Bernie asks me, his glazed eyes glistening.
"Yeah." I admit. "She's good for it."
"Then apologize!" He smiles at me romantically. "Again and again and again.."
Sam gives me a quirky grin, shrugging his shoulder at me. I can't help but smile.
I hate coming home to a dark house. I really needed her to be awake tonight too.
After the whole thing with the book and Bernie and Sam acting like a weirdo all night I really just wanted to talk to her. Apologize to her for being a dick. In the past and in the book. Mostly in the book.
Next thing I know I'm stumbling over something someone left in the middle of the living room. I drop my eyes to the offender and find one standard issue black uniform shoe size seven. I hold it in my hands for a minute wondering where the hell she went that she needed to pull this thing out of storage. I look down and find it's mate a few feet away. I pick them both up and leave them against the kitchen wall before spotting a blue uniform shirt lying in the hallway next to two ankle length black cotton socks she used to like to wear on patrol even though they're illegal. I hold it in my hands wincing at the smell of storage before grinning as I see the pants a few feet away in front of our bedroom door. Either she's cheating on me with a cop that moonlights in a mothball factory, or we're playing a game. I rap my knuckles against the door and hear her jump in surprise on the other side.
"Yes?" She calls in a way that makes me smile even wider.
"Police." I say firmly. "Can you come to the door please Ma'am?"
"Is there a problem officer?" She asks, cracking the door open to reveal her in one of my NYPD tanks and a pair of blue panties.
I struggle to keep my face serious.
"I'm afraid so Ma'am." I hold the pair of pants up to her and she grins. "Do you have any information on the officer that belongs to these?"
"I may be able to help you get them back." She tells me her arms snaking around my neck and kissing me firmly. "If that's what you want."
"It's not a matter of want ma'am. It'd my duty as a police officer."
"You're duty?" She kissed my throat, her hands skimming over my shoulders.
"You better be careful.." I murmer. "My partner's.. insanely jealous..She's killed for me before, she'd do it again."
"She's your partner huh?"
I put my hands on the side of her face and pull her head back to look at her.
"She'll always be my partner." I tell her, kissing her again."Even if I'm a real jerk sometimes."
"She loves you anyway right?"
"She better." I breath, closing my eyes. I drop my head against hers and she twirls her fingers rhythmically in her hair.
"You tired?" She asks softly. I nod, planting a kiss on her neck.
"A little."
"Too tired for your surprise?"
"This isn't enough of a surprise?" She leans back and looks at me.
"Boz, this is small potatoes." She tells me seriously pulling me to the bed. I watch her slide her shoulders against the headboard before slipping in next to her and laying my head on her side. She plays with my hair before reaching her hand across the bed and grabbing a sheet of paper. I look at the letter head.
"My surprise is a continuing education class at 1PP?" I ask warily.
"Read it." She coaxes. I look at it more carefully.
Recertification for inactive veteran officers P465. I twist my head around to look at her face and she bites her lip and hands me another piece of paper with the letterhead of the 55.
Officer Transfer request, my eyes skim to her name on the top line. Faith C. Yokas. I look at the header, my lips parting when I see Katie's address and my prescient number. Swertsky's signature ends the page.
We stare at each other for a minute.
"Are you sure?" I whisper as she nods slowly.
"She approved it this morning." Faith brushes her hand across my forehead. "Sam said he's stay on three more months, until I finished the class.." She holds up the first paper.
"They.. I thought they.." She shakes her head.
"They reinstated me." She blinks. "I didn't tell you right away cause I needed to think. I.. just wanted to be sure before I told you."
I watch the tears slide down her cheeks as she speaks, her face cracking into a smile. "I wanted to be sure that it would work... with everyone.. that we could really pull this off. Then I just wanted to surprise you." I sit up facing her and blink slowly. "If it's what you want."
"It's.." I stare at her, my mouth opening and closing like a suffocating fish. I have no idea if it's what I want or not.