Ok, this chapter ended up being so freaking huge that I had to break it up into two, which means that the Christmas update is actually a two parter! So here is the first section, my early Christmas present to you all. I will post the second part of the Christmas update probably in about 3 or 4 days, and it will be… really special :) Let's just say that it will be the chapter you've all been waiting for…

Also, this story now has over 200 favorites, which I find amazing and humbling and all around fantastic. Thank you!

And last but certainly not least, one of my readers told me her birthday was coming up. So to BeachBunnyLuvsU…Happy Birthday! And to everyone else, Merry Christmas!

Chapter 38

Gracie tried to stifle her yawn as she looked at the clock in Jax and Tara's kitchen. It was well after midnight and Gracie was pouring herself another cup of coffee and turning on the kettle to make Tara another cup of herbal tea.

She turned back to the kitchen table and sighed when she saw the lost, broken look on her best friends face. Sitting down in the chair across from her, Gracie put the cup on the table, taking both of Tara's hands in her own and squeezing tightly. "You know he didn't mean it, right?"

Tara scoffed. "Gracie Jane, you didn't hear him. He's done with me. He said it's over."

Gracie just shook her head. "Knowles, Juice did the same thing to me. When things get too dangerous or complicated, they try to push us away. Gemma was right. We just have to be strong and love them through it."

"But the difference is you never did anything wrong. No matter what anyone tells me, I still believe that a part of Jax blames me for Abel. Maybe he hates me and just can't admit it to himself."

"Doc, I know Jax and I know he loves you. He doesn't hate you or blame you for Abel's kidnapping. He blames himself. He hates himself. He's just loss right now. But believe me. He will be even more lost without you."

Gracie stood up when the kettle started to whistle and poured a fresh mug before turning around and smiling. "Now, let's talk about something much more important." She placed the steaming cup on the kitchen table before sitting back down. "How are you feeling about the baby?"

Gracie couldn't suppress the smile that crossed her face. She was trying not to get too attached since Tara hadn't made a decision yet, but she couldn't help it. Tara was her sister and the thought of a little niece and nephew filled Gracie with happiness. She knew that Tara was conflicted about her pregnancy, but the thought of Tara having Jax's child just seemed so…right.

Tara sighed. "Gracie Jane, I know you're excited and I love you for it, but I honestly haven't decided what I'm going to do." She placed her hand on her stomach and looked down before raising her eyes to Gracie. "I mean, I've always dreamed of having a family with Jax, but he just broke up with me, and Abel is still gone, and what kind of mother would I be anyway?"

Gracie reached out and grabbed Tara's hand when she heard her voice start to crack and saw tears threatening to escape her eyes. "Knowles, you will be a wonderful mother. You already are one to Abel. And regardless of what he said today, Jax adores you. He will love this baby more than you could ever imagine." Gracie squeezed her hand a little tighter and smiled. "And besides, even if he didn't, I think with you as a mom and me as an aunt, this kid is pretty damn lucky." Gracie watched Tara finally smile and nod before she continued. "I understand that you haven't decided whether or not to keep it, and whatever you decide I will be here for you. But just know if you decide you're going to have this baby, the two of you will never be alone. You and me against the world, Knowles."

Tara wiped a tear from her cheek before smiling. "Always, Gracie Jane."

Gracie woke up on Tara's couch and saw early morning sunshine filling the living room. She had texted Juice around one in the morning to tell him that she was going to stay with Tara until Jax got home. But as she looked at the empty hook on the wall where Jax always hung his kutte, it looked like he never made it back.

She was just standing up to stretch, pulling her t-shirt back down and running her hands through her tangled waves when Tara came storming out of the bedroom. "Come on Gracie. We're going to the clubhouse."

Gracie's sleepy eyes widened. "We are?"

Tara crossed her arms over her chest and nodded. "I'm not going to let him just run away. I'm going to talk to him and we're going to work this shit out."

Gracie grinned. "Now that's the girl I know and love. Let's go get him, Knowles."

Just a few minutes later, Gracie was looking out the window of the Cutlass as Tara sped through town and towards TM. A sad smile crossed her face as she noticed the garland, trees, and twinkling lights in the windows of the stores on Main Street. God, with everything going on, I forgot it's almost Christmas. Gracie had always loved Christmas. When she was a little girl, her family would always go back to the family farm in Georgia to celebrate with her grandmother, and then after her mom passed away, Christmas was spent on whatever base she was stationed at with her dad.

But ever since graduating from college and losing her father, Tara and Gracie had spent the holidays together, just the two of them. Every year they would put up a tiny artificial tree and fill their small downtown Chicago apartment with decorations, always hanging their two small stockings on the wall since they didn't have a fireplace. They both loved the Illinois winters since neither had a lot of experience with snow, and Chicago almost always provided a white Christmas. They always made sure they both had either Christmas day or Christmas eve off work so that they could exchange gifts, watch movies, and eat dinner together; a meal which included a delicious turkey prepared by Gracie and a dessert that was annually burned beyond recognition by Tara.

Gracie smiled as she remembered all their little traditions and how happy they had been, but her smile faded as she realized that this would be both her first and last Christmas with Juice, at least her last for a while. He had finally told her a few days before that their bail hearing had been rescheduled and that they would all probably be going inside sometime next week. He assumed that they would have just enough time to go to Belfast to get Abel before they were taken into custody. She still didn't know how long his sentence would be, but it didn't matter. She had decided long ago that no matter how long it took, she would always wait for Juan Carlos Ortiz.

Just a few minutes later, they finally pulled into the lot, both climbing out of the car and heading into the clubhouse. Tara walked straight back to the dorms, while Gracie went over to the bar and said hi to Lyla before seeing Juice walk out of the chapel.

As soon as she saw him, she walked in his direction, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him soundly. "Hey baby. What are you doing here so early?"

Juice placed his hands on her hips and squeezed, worry filling his gorgeous brown eyes. "Hey, sweetheart. I was just about to call you. I'm glad you're here."

Gracie furrowed her brow and moved one of her hands to his cheek. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Juice took a deep breath and held her a little tighter. "Oswald's plane takes off at six tonight. We're leaving for Belfast today."

Gracie tried her best to blink away the moisture from her eyes as she quickly swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew that they would go get Abel as soon as they could, but she didn't think it would be today. He's leaving. He's leaving, and as soon as he gets back he's going to prison.

Juice's heart started to ache as soon as he saw the pained expression on Gracie's face. He knew what she was thinking because he was thinking the exact same thing…they were out of time. He raised his hands to her face and cupped her jaw, kissing her sweetly before resting his forehead against hers. "Hey. You listen to me. Everything is going to be alright. We're only going to be gone about a week. We're going to go get Abel, bring him home safe, and we'll deal with whatever shit we have to when we get back. I promise Gracie Jane, it'll all be ok."

Gracie placed her hands on top of his and looked into his eyes. "I just…I just love you so much, Juice. I know it will all be alright. I believe you. I just thought we had more time."

Juice didn't say anything. He just pulled her close, crushing her against his chest as her arms circled his waist and held him tightly. They just stood there holding each other for a few more moments before Gracie looked over and saw a clearly devastated Tara storming out of the clubhouse.

"Knowles? Tara, wait!" Gracie pulled herself out of Juice's grasp and ran outside after Tara, grabbing her arm just before she climbed into the Cutlass. "Jesus, Tara. What happened?"

Gracie's heart broke as she saw her best friend's lip start to quiver, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. "He wanted to push me away, and he finally did. He was right. We're over." Without another word, she broke away from Gracie's grasp and got into her car, slamming the door before backing out and speeding out onto the street.

Gracie just stared after her in confusion as Lyla walked up to her and looked out in the direction Tara had driven off. "What happened, Gracie?"

She just shook her head. "I don't know. Tara went back to talk to Jax and then…" Just then, Gracie's voice caught in her throat as she saw Ima, the bitchy blonde that had been pushing up on Jax, saunter out of the clubhouse with an evil grin on her face.

Gracie just shook her head as a sick feeling of dread welled up in her stomach. "No. No, he couldn't have been that stupid."

Ima walked right up to Gracie and Lyla, towering over both of them in her platform sandals, and grinned. "Too bad your little doctor bestie had to walk in on me and Jax, but she just wasn't doing it for him anymore. And when Juice gets bored of your short little ass, I'll do the same for him."

Gracie opened her mouth to scream at the waste of space in front of her, but didn't get a chance to before Lyla swung her arm back as far as she could and slapped Ima with everything she had. "You just couldn't help yourself could you? You stupid whore!"

Gracie ignored Ima and looked over to Lyla, nodding her head in thanks before marching back into the clubhouse. By the time she opened the door and went inside, all of Samcro was sitting around the bar, getting ready to go into the chapel for church.

When he saw Gracie storm inside, Juice was by her side almost instantly. As soon as he saw Ima walk through the clubhouse, he knew what happened and he knew Gracie was going to be pissed. But looking at the expression on her face right now, he knew that "pissed" didn't quite cover it…she was fucking furious.

"Sweetheart, listen, just calm down…" He tried to wrap his arms around her waist but she pushed him away, glaring back at him in anger.

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down." She turned away from him and looked around the room until she saw the man she was looking for.

Jax was standing by the pool table when he saw Gracie walking in his direction, all the hurt and anger in her eyes focused directly on him. He still had Tara's heartbroken, devastated face burned into his memory, and now the woman he loved like a sister was looking at him like he was the biggest piece of shit on the planet, just adding to his misery.

He raised his hands up in surrender and sighed. "Gracie, listen…"

But Gracie didn't give him a chance to speak before she started yelling, her voice trembling with rage. "How could you? How could you do that to her?"

Jax ran his hands down his face and sighed. "Darlin', I never meant to hurt her."

Gracie just shook her head. "Yes you did. You've been trying to push her away for weeks, but she loved you too much to let you go. So instead of giving her a chance and dealing with your shit like a man, you acted like a coward and did the one thing that could ever break her faith in you."

Grace could feel her hands starting to shake with anger as she thought about all Tara had been through in the time since Abel had been taken and how dedicated she had remained the entire time to working things out with Jax, to being there for him and his family no matter what the cost. And how right now she was somewhere alone, lost and broken, carrying a child that Jax still didn't know existed and that Tara didn't know if she wanted to keep, but one that Gracie already loved just like she loved Tara, with her whole heart.

"Gracie, come on." She looked up when he spoke, her green eyes meeting his blue. His voice was quiet and sincere. "Come on. You know I love her…"

But Jax's voice was silenced when Gracie's hand connected with his face in a loud, stinging slap that took the entire room by surprise. Everything was quiet for a moment as Gracie took a slow deep breath, and when she finally spoke again Jax noticed that her voice was no longer loud and angry. It was quiet and disappointed, and that was somehow so much worse. "No, Jax. You don't get to tell me you love her. Not after what you did."

Gracie took a step forward and placed her hands on Jax's cheeks, forcing him to look at her. Her voice was little more than a whisper, so that only he could hear her words, her fingers still trembling with emotion. "And you know the worst part? I was always on your side. Every fight, every time you hurt her or fucked up, I always told her to stay, to work it out with you, to give you another chance. And do you know why?" She paused to watch Jax blink away his tears and shake his head. "I defended you because you're my family, because I love you, and I thought you belonged together." Gracie let her hands drop from his face and crossed her arms over her chest. "But she's my family first and I will always love her more…and you don't deserve her."

Gracie turned away and started walking towards the door when Juice reached out and grabbed her hand. "Sweetheart, where are you going?"

Gracie looked up at Juice and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "I'll call you soon." She looked back at Jax and sighed, trying her best not to feel bad for him when she saw how obviously wrecked he was. "I've got to go take care of my sister."

She walked outside, ignoring the audience that had been listening to most of the conversation, and was relieved to see that Lyla was still pacing around the parking lot. When Gracie got closer, she could tell that the girl had been crying. "Hey, are you alright?"

Lyla wiped her reddened eyes with the back of her hand and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just got into a fight with Opie. Apparently it's my fault that Jax fucked Ima because 'I eat pussy for a living' and only have porn sluts like me for friends."

Gracie just rolled her eyes. "Ugh, did all the men we know and love suddenly wake up this morning and become assholes? You're not a slut, Ly. You work hard and you support your family. And not all of your friends are porn stars. One of them is a really geeky nurse."

Lyla gave her a small smile. "Thanks Gracie. That means a lot."

Gracie just nodded before looking around the parking lot and noticing Lyla's car parked by the fence. "Hey, would you mind giving me a ride to the hospital? I'm pretty sure that's where Tara was headed. I need to find her and make sure she's ok."

"Absolutely. Let's get the hell out of here."

Gracie thanked Lyla for the lift before hopping out of the car and walking into St. Thomas, glancing over to the employee parking lot to see that Tara's Cutlass was indeed parked in its usual spot. She went straight to Tara's office, but found the door locked. Then she went to the neonatal floor, circling the halls and popping into the doctor's lounge, but when she still couldn't find her it finally occurred to Gracie wear Tara must be. She took the elevators two floors down and went straight to Gemma's room.

When she was cleared by the fed sitting outside of the room, she opened the door and saw Tara sitting in the small chair in the corner and Gemma lying in bed, a strange look on both of their faces. Gracie closed the door and went to sit on the side of Gemma's bed, giving her a kiss on the cheek before looking back and forth between the two now silent women. "Um…am I interrupting something?"

Tara just rolled her eyes. "No, Gracie Jane. Gemma was just telling me how I need to forgive Jax for sleeping with that dumb skank and how she somehow knows just by looking at me that I'm pregnant."

Gracie's eyes widened as she looked back at Gemma, who just shrugged her shoulders. "Its obvious. Her boobs are bigger and she always looks like she wants to vomit."

Tara scoffed. "Maybe that's because of your son."

Gemma sighed. "I know he's been a dick, baby. But that man loves you. He's loved you since he was sixteen years old. You need to ride this out. He's just lashing out to push you away. But he's so lost, sweetheart. Maybe if you tell him about the baby…"

"No, Gemma! I'm serious. You can't tell him. He can't know I'm pregnant."

"Look, I know you're not sure if you want to keep it, but that baby is my grandchild, Jax's son or daughter. Just wait until Abel comes home before you make a decision. Look into his eyes before you decide the fate of his brother or sister."

Tara reluctantly nodded. "I'll think about it, ok? But you have to promise me you won't say anything to Jax, not a word. Promise me."

Gemma took a moment to look at Tara and Gracie before a sly smile crossed her face. "Ok, you want my silence? I'll make you a deal. I won't tell Jax about the baby if you do one little favor for me."

Tara crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows in suspicious. "Ok…what do you want me to do?"

Gemma's smile got even wider. "You're going to help me escape, Dr. Knowles. Gracie and I are going to Belfast."

It took Gracie a few minutes to recover from the shock, but once Gemma started talking about the details of her plan, it all actually started to make sense, which is why Gracie found herself in her apartment about an hour later with Tara, packing a bag and all the medical supplies she could find along with her passport and gun. As she threw the glock into her luggage along with extra ammo and all the cash she could withdraw from the ATM, she stopped suddenly and looked up at Tara. "This is crazy right? I mean, it's not just me. This shit is legitimately crazy?"

Tara couldn't stop the small laugh from escaping her lips as she nodded, zipping up the luggage and dragging it towards the door. "Of course it's crazy, Gracie Jane. It's Samcro."

Gracie locked the door to her apartment and followed Tara down the stairs, stopping for just a moment to look at her constantly vibrating phone. She already knew whose name she would see on the screen. That was the eighth call from Juice that she had ignored in the last two hours. She felt horrible because she knew he must be worried, but she couldn't risk telling him anything just yet. But then again, if I keep ignoring him, he's going to send out a fucking search party. Gracie stared at her phone for a second longer before typing out a quick one line text.

I'm fine. Talk to you soon. Love you. -G

When they got to the Cutlass, she climbed into the passenger seat and buckled her seatbelt, slipping her Raybans on to block out the bright California sun. Tara turned over the engine and looked at her before pulling out onto the street. "Are you ok, Gracie Jane?"

Gracie reached over to hold Tara's hand and nodded. "Just fine, Doc. Now let's get out of here. We've got work to do."

Fifteen minutes later they were in Gemma's bedroom, packing a bag full of clothes and toiletries, before finally heading back to St. Thomas. When they got back to the hospital, Tara parked as close as she could to the service entrance before turning off the car and handing the keys to Gracie. "Ok, I guess this is it. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Gracie bit her lower lip and nodded. "I'm sure."

"Please be careful."

"I will. I swear."

Tara looked at her best friend for another moment before pulling her into a huge hug. "I love you, Gracie Jane."

Gracie held onto her tightly before pulling back and kissing her on the forehead. "I love you two, Knowles. Not let's get this show on the road."

Jax was trying to calm his nerves as he looked at his brother pacing in the clubhouse. "Jesus Christ, Juice. You're making everybody nervous and you're wearing a fucking hole in the floor."

Juice looked down at his phone for the hundredth time that day before shoving it in his pocket and walking over to Jax. "This just isn't like her, Jax. Why the hell hasn't she answered her phone? What the fuck could she be doing?"

Jax lit a cigarette and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know man, but she's probably with Tara. I'm sure they're fine. They're just pissed off."

Juice just shook his head. "I know, brother, but it's Gracie. She just doesn't do this."

Jax glanced up to the clock on the wall before throwing his cigarette in his near empty beer bottle. He picked up his bag before walking over to Juice and patting him on the shoulder. "She texted you back, Juicey. You know she's fine."

Juice ran a hand over his mohawk and sighed. "I know, man. I just…I just wanted to see her before we left, you know?"

Jax just nodded. I know exactly how he feels. I'd do anything to see Tara right now. He threw his arm around Juice and pulled him towards the door. "You know Koz and Piney will look after Gracie while we're gone. It's all good. Come on, brother. Let's do this."

Jax watched Juice and most of his brothers pile into the van before he, Clay, and Tig climbed into the tow truck and drove to St. Thomas. They all needed to be in Stockton at Oswald's hanger by six that night, but Clay and Jax couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Gemma.

Ten minutes later as Jax was turning into the hospital parking lot, his cell began to ring. Looking down, he frowned when he saw Gemma's name. "Mom, are you ok?"

Tig and Clay watched as Jax's expression went from confused to pissed before he flipped his burner phone closed and turned the wheel of the truck, guiding them all to the back of the building.

Clay took off his sunglasses and frowned. "You want to tell me what that was all about?"

Jax just looked at Clay and shook his head. "Ask your wife."

Clay was about to ask Jax what the hell he was talking about, but just as they pulled up to the rear service entrance, a side door swung open and out walked Gemma, looking around nervously, wearing a long white doctor's coat.

The three men approached her quickly, Jax and Clay both pissed beyond words while Tiggy just shook his head and sighed. Jax reached her first and grabbed her by the shoulders. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Mom?"

"I'm coming with you to get my grandson."

Jax shook his head in disbelief. "But you made a fucking deal with the feds!"

Gemma reached out to touch Jax's hand only to have him pull it away. "And those cuffs will be waiting for me when I get back! But right now I'm going to help you bring Abel home…we both are."

Jax just stared at her in confusion. "What do you mean 'both'?"

"She means I'm coming, too." Everyone turned around and stared in shock at Gracie, who was standing by the tow truck with two large duffel bags at her feet. She looked around the lot before staring back at Gemma. "And if any of us are going to make it to that plane, then we need to get out of here right now."

Jax looked at Gracie like she had two heads before turning back to his mother, enraged. "You dragged Gracie into this? What the fuck, Gemma! In what world do you think that's a good idea? Jesus, Mom!"

Gemma just rolled her eyes as she started walking towards the truck. "I almost had a fucking heart attack a few days ago, Jackson. I'm not going to fly half way around the world without someone who knows how to take care of me if it happens again. And what happens if Abel is hurt or sick? Or when one of you gets shot, huh? You know the Irish like to get bloody. We need someone that we can trust to take care of our own. Not to mention she's the only person on this little vacation not traveling on a restricted passport, so if we need anything that Sambel can't get for us, we can use Grace."

Jax tried to quiet the voice in his head that agreed with everything his mom just said. Fuck. Gemma's fucking crazy, but she's actually making sense right now. Jax looked to Clay, hoping that he would tell them no and send Gemma back into the hospital, but the older man just shrugged his shoulders, also unable to deny the logic in Gemma's argument.

Jax went to stand in front of Gracie and placed a hand on her neck, leaning down and looking into her eyes. "You gotta be sure about this, darlin'. Once you get on that plane, there's no going back. If you get caught…"

Gracie placed her hand on top of the one resting on her neck and nodded. "I'm sure, Jax. Gemma can't leave without someone to supervise her medical condition, and like she said, you may need me when you're over there. I'm not just going to sit here while you and Juice and Chibs and everyone else risk everything to bring Abel home if I can help you in any way. I called the hospital this morning and told them I was going to visit a sick friend out of state for the week. I'm not going to get caught. I'm sure, Jax. I promise."

Jax continued to stare into her eyes for a few more moments, looking for any hesitation or doubt, but when he saw nothing but absolute determination he kissed her on the forehead and nodded. "Juice is going to lose his shit."

Gracie just grinned. "I know, but he can't stay mad forever. Besides, we can just tell him Gemma made me do it. That's definitely believable."

Jax cracked a smile and grabbed Gracie's hand, pulling her quickly towards the tow truck, with everyone else following closely behind. And they were all just about to climb in when they saw Unser appear out of nowhere and draw his weapon…

Juice couldn't stop his leg from bouncing up and down the entire ride to Stockton. He was about to jump his bail, fly to Ireland, go up against the fucking Real IRA, and then go to prison for who knows how long…but all he cared about was Gracie. Where the fuck is she? It had already been a crazy day. Between preparing for the trip and finally beating the shit out Salazar, the stupid fuck that took his kutte, Juice had been reeling from the minute he got out of bed. But not seeing Gracie since that morning at the clubhouse and not talking to her all day made him fucking frantic. Sure, she had texted him that she was alright, but he knew something was wrong. There was just no way that his girl would ever let him leave like this without saying goodbye.

When the van drove into the hanger and pulled up beside of Oswald's plane, all the guys unloaded their shit and stood around, waiting to see the tow truck pull up with their three brothers so that they could finally take off. After about twenty minutes of nervously pacing, his mind racing and on edge with worry, Juice was about to call Kozik and Piney to see if they could go check on Gracie. But just as he went to dial, he looked up and saw Tara's Cutlass screaming into the hanger.

All the guys looked at each other in confusion when they saw Clay and Jax get out of the front seats, but their jaws hit the fucking floor when they saw Gemma and Gracie climbing out of the back.

Juice raced over to Gracie and grabbed her waist, pulling her into a hard kiss before looking at her in shock. "Sweetheart, what are you doing here?"

Gracie just bit her lip and sighed. "I'm going with you to Belfast."

"What are you talking about? What are you…no, just no. No fucking way."

Just then, Jax walked up beside Juice and patted him on the shoulder. "I know you don't know the details yet, but it's done, bro. Your president, VP, and SAA all agreed that she needs to come. I know she's your old lady, but it's a club decision and she wants to go, so she's going." Jax gave Gracie a secret wink before walking away, and for just a moment she forgot how royally pissed she was at him for cheating on Tara.

Juice placed his hands on the sides of her face and shook his head. "Gracie, I don't give a fuck what the club says. I'm not going to let you…"

Gracie quieted his words by kissing him with everything she had, wrapping her arms around his neck and attacking his mouth, softly biting his lower lip before tasting him with her tongue. She could feel him holding back, unwilling to give in or be distracted, but after a few moments she felt him slowly relax, sinking into her body while lifting his hands to her waist and pulling her close.

And just a few seconds later when Gracie finally felt Juice completely give into her, she pulled back a few inches and gave him her sweetest smile. "Juice, I love you more than anything in the entire world, but I'm getting on that plane whether you like it or not. I know you're confused and upset, and we have a 13 hour flight for me to explain things and get you to forgive me. But right now we need to go." Then she grabbed one of his hands, lacing her fingers with his, and pulled him towards the plane. "Come on, baby. Let's go get Abel."

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