Lexi-
Going for our five month check up, they said baby was perfect. Not as big as they wanted baby to be.
"Would you like to know the sex? Perfect view", the nurse said.
We both nodded.
"It's a boy", she said.
"Hi Ethan", Dean said.
"Are you sure he's ok?", I asked.
"We heard his heart beat. I could see if anything was wrong Mrs. Good", she said.
I nodded. She left the room and Dean wiped my bump.
"What's wrong doll?", he asked.
"I'm scared Dean. I know something is wrong I can feel it", I said, placing my hand on my bump.
"He's perfect, we saw him and we heard his heart baby", he said.
"I know, but I don't know how to explain it Jon. I just want to stary crying", I said.
"It's just hormones, please calm down", he said, kissing me.
He rubbed my bump and kissed it.
"Let mommy know your ok buddy. Please move a little for mommy", he whispered.
He put his hand back on my bump and I felt a slight poke. I sighed.
"See, he was just messing with you. He's letting you know he's ok", Dean said.
I nodded and he wiped my tears.
Dean-
It was now Lexi's six month check up. We only felt the baby move once and she was still afraid something was wrong.
Worried. We asked to see the doctor, he smiled when he saw us.
"So what can I do for you today?", he asked.
"Well I haven't felt the baby kick and usually by now I feel a lot more movement", she said.
"We also noticed that she hasn't gotten any bigger. I mean she's eating right", I said, my hand on Lexi's small bump.
He nodded.
"All pregnancies are different, but if it will ease your worry, we can have a look", he said.
Lexi lifted her shirt and he squirted that blue jelly on her bump. I took her hand and squeezed it. He turned on the monitor, my heart stopped.
"Why can't we hear his heart beat?", Lexi asked.
I saw the doctor's shoulders drop. His eyes scanning the monitor. He sighed.
"I'm so sorry. Your baby, he's gone", he said.
"No, that can't be because last month he was fine. We heard his heart beat and we saw him. He moved when Dean asked him too", Lexi said.
"Doc", I said.
He sighed.
"I'm sorry", he said low.
"Jon, no he's there I know he is, we saw him", Lexi cried.
"Are you sure doctor?", I asked again.
"I'm sorry", he said again.
"No Jon", I held her close and tight to me.
She cried and cried. I pulled out my phone and texted Brie. I needed someone's help right now. Brie was the closest and I didn't want to sadden or scare Seth and Nikki with this news. After a few hours Lexi had calmed down. Brie and Bryan came into the room. Brie took a hold of Lexi.
"I'm so sorry Alex", she said to her.
The doctor came back in.
"Mr. Good, can I have a word?", he asked.
I nodded. Bryan came with me.
"We need to get your wife into a room and checked in", the doctor said.
"I don't understand", I said.
"This is really hard to say, your wife has to give birth now or she can get sick and it won't be good", he said.
"You want, you want her to give birth to our baby? Our dead baby", I said angry.
Bryan gripped my shoulders.
"We have to do it soon. This could kill your wife, its called a stillbirth", he said.
"Do you know what that would do to her? It will kill her either way and I can't do that to her", I said.
"I understand, now please understand me. This needs to happen or you could lose her too. She can get an infection and she can get very sick, very quickly", he said.
I nodded.
"I'll give you a moment", he said.
I looked at Bryan.
"I can't imagine what you're going through, if you'd like I can tell Lexi", Bryan said.
I shook my head no.
"I should do it", I said, wiping my eyes.
I walked back into the room, Brie held Lexi tight.
"Baby we need to talk", I said softly.
Brie brushed her fingers through Lexi's hair gently.
"The doctor says our son was a stillborn, you um", I stopped, I couldn't do it.
"You have to have the baby", Bryan finished.
"What?", Brie asked,
"She could get sick and um", I didn't know what else to say.
"I don't want to give him up", Lexi whispered.
"I know sweetheart, but you need to, please", I said.
Brie kissed the top of her head. After a while the doctor came in and explained everything again. Lexi seemed gone, distant. Brie decided everyone should be here for when Lexi got out. She let Seth know and asked her to calmly tell Nikki. Roman and Riley catching the next flight in. Triple H and Stephanie said to take our time and that if we needed anything at all, to call.
"She said she felt like something was wrong. For months she told me and I, I thought maybe she was just nervous and I pushed it aside. I pushed her feelings aside", I said.
"Jon", Roman said.
Brie and Lexi's mom were in the delivery room with Lexi. She needed them more right now and I don't think I could have handled seeing our little one.
"This is my fault. If I wouldn't have ignored her then maybe we wouldn't be here. I'm such an idiot", I said.
Roman and Seth watched me. Riley stayed with Nikki, it was best if Nikki wasn't here.
"I let her down. I let our kids down and I don't know what to do. She is going to hate me, this was my fault.", I said.
Roman wrapped his arms around me. Finally I broke down. I didn't care who saw or made fun of me. I lost my child and I'm allowed to feel this way. If this makes me weak then hell, I'm weak.
"It's ok", Roman said.
Lexi-
They had asked me if I wanted to hold him. I said no.
It didn't feel like he was gone, but I felt empty. My mom tried to hug me but I pulled away. Brie tried to comfort me but I ignored it. I just wanted my baby. Roman came in and I rolled my eyes. Everyone who came in to say how sorry they were didn't understand me. I wanted to yell at them to go away or to shut up but I couldn't. Finally Dean walked in.
He tried to reach for my hand but I moved it away. He tried to kiss my cheek but I turned him down. His eyes red and swollen, cheek stained with tears and I rolled my eyes. Finding a spot on the wall.
"Baby don't do this, not again. I need you my love", his voice breaking with each word.
"He's gone", I said softly.
My eyes still focused on the spot on the wall.
"Darlin please look at me", he said.
I closed my eyes tight and swallowed back tears.
"Baby", his finger tips lightly touched my cheek.
"Don't touch me", I said.
"Whatever you want", he said softly.
"I want you to leave. Go, leave me alone. Get out", I yelled.
"I need you", he said.
"I said get out, get the fuck out", I yelled.
He stood and left. I broke down, alone.
Dean-
I leaned against the wall. Seth comforted me. The doctor came over.
"Mr. Good, would you like to see your son?", he asked.
"But", he stopped me.
"Some parents perfer to see their child. They say it helps with the mourning process", he said.
I looked at Seth.
"Has Lexi?", I asked.
He shook his head no.
"We can bring him to the room", he said.
I nodded.
"His name's Ethan", I said.
"Good name", the doctor smiled.
I wiped my face and walked back into the room. Seth stayed outside.
"Darlin, they're bringing Ethan so we could see him", I said.
"I don't want to", she said.
I sighed. After a few minutes a nurse brought him in, wrapped in a light blue blanket. Lexi shut her eyes tight.
"Here", I said to the nurse.
She handed him to me.
"Be very careful. I'll be by in a bit to check on you," she said leaving.
I looked down at the tiny body in my arms.
"He's beautiful Lexi", I said.
"Shut up, I don't care", she snapped.
I moved closer to her.
"You need to baby, please", I begged.
She bit her lip and finally turned. I laid him in her arms.
"I'm sorry", she cried.