HimekoUchia: OK, this is super late (like a month and half or more). Excuse: I traveled all around France during the holidays (my cousin got married, I spent time with my family and my uncle's insanely awesome bird farm with a freaking peacock in it), had to catch up with homework, started school, read loads of fanfics, reading Scandinavia and the World... Hey, never said that it was a good excuse.
Ryo: … Damn it, you just kept procrastinating!
HimekoUchia: I'm really sorry... Thank PaperDream for reminding me to update. And for reading my drafts and making me feel confident enough to continue with this crazy chapter. At least it's long.
Yuuki: It's Akatsuki!
*cues cheers from Akatsuki fans and boos from non-Akatsuki fans*
HimekoUchia: Don't worry... I did start to write the next chapters of ANISHWY and TBP... Plus, I have started planning a new Hetalia story (but I won't start writing it until I finish ANISHWY).
Ryo: … OK, now on to the chapter! Don't forget the warning!
HimekoUchia: Oh yeah... This chapter is... gonna be filled with implications. Not as in, M rated stuff... Just people talking about stuff... You'll see. You have been warned. If you dislike even thinking about dirty stuff, I suggest you mentally censor most of this :) Thanks for the reviews, guys! Over 400! How awesome!
Yuuki: The authoress does not own Naruto or any of its associates. Excuse any OOCness. The Akatsuki chapters, though we know where to slot them in the canon, are really just for laughs. Now, on to the chapter!

Akatsuki Plan: Chapter 6: Arm Wrestling Tournament

Recap: The trio are in the Akatsuki base some undetermined time after the chuunin exams. They have met most of the Akatsuki members. Hidan tried to kill Himeko and Ryo saved her butt. Sasori distracted Hidan long enough for them to escape. Pinocchio was lost. Later on, Himeko was injured fighting Hidan but survived after they made a pact of teaching him swears in many different languages. The trio finds out that Sasori has been defending them all this time so that he could have a better idea of their powers, so that he could turn them into more efficient puppets. Himeko makes Deidara suggest an arm wrestling tournament.

Last chapter:

Deidara grunts and stands up.
"Why don't you just settle it, hm?" he asks, getting the whole Akatsuki's attention. "See who is stronger? How about an arm wrestling tournament, hm? I'm bored as hell."

There is a moment of silence.
"That is by far the dumbest idea you've ever had, brat..." mumbles Sasori.
"Shut up, hn! It's only because I beat you last time that you're like this, hn!" taunts Deidara, making Sasori stand and stomp over.
"Fine. I demand a rematch for that."

Itachi's eyebrow twitches a bit and he glances at me.
"Of course. That was Deidara-san's idea, wasn't it?" he huffs sarcastically.
Wow, he's good.
Kisame pokes him in the side, making the Uchiha let out a strange little noise, jump up and glare at him. Oh wow... Itachi is ticklish?
"Sorry. But I'm bored. Arm wrestling sounds great. Please?" begs Blueman, giving Itachi a puppy-dog look. The brunet gives him a 'never ever ever!' look right back, but he eventually sighs.
"Fine. I do need a little entertainment."

"OH MY JASHIN FUCK YEAH!" hollers Hidan, pointing his middle fingers to Kakuzu. "You're going down, you old hag!"
"You're defeat will be bitter..." snarls the creepy looking guy.
"Oh yeah? Wanna bet?" laughs the jashinist.
Kakuzu walks over to a table.
"Of course not. I won't risk having you get some of my money, not matter what the odds are that I will beat you."

"Why don't you guys make this a tournament? You first go up against your partner, then the winners compete, then those winners compete until there is one winner. And, since arm wrestling really is a competition of true strength, using chakra could be banned" suggests Ryo.
Most of the Akatsuki members shrug at that. Hidan suddenly turns to us with a wicked grin. I shiver a little.
"Well, we're only 3 teams, so in the semi-finals there is a missing contestant... How about you three little brats join us?" he sniggers.
"Bad idea!" laughs Yuuki nervously, gulping. "We'll lose, definitely. We'll just... compete amongst each other. I'm sure you guys will figure something out for the extra person..."
"Aw, why the fuck not?" whines Hidan mockingly. "It would be so fun to..."
"Hidan. Stop. I have nothing against killing children, as long as it's for money, but if you keep insisting on fighting them then you are obviously too scared to challenge me." mumbles Kakuzu.
I suddenly love him. OK, maybe not, but I mentally thank him for saving us in a disgusting, weird way.

"Stupid old hag! Fine, I'll forget the brats and fight you instead!" growls the jashinist, stomping over to the low coffee table and putting his elbow on it, inviting Kakuzu to kneel in front of him across the table. The man does and the second they grab hands the whole room shuts up to watch the Zombie Brothers start off the arm wrestling tournament.

I expect an epic showdown with screams, blood and background music, but it's really just two really big guys, holding hands, grunting like pigs and red in the face with effort. The rest of the Akatsuki members seem so into it.
I have to pinch myself to stop myself from snorting in laughter. Man, these guys are funny once you get past the whole... murderous S-Ranked psychopathic criminal thing.

We all watch the two hands shift towards Kakuzu's side, then to Hidan's side, until, eventually, the jashinist's huge muscles and youth take the upper hand and he smashes his partner's arm into the table with a loud thump.
There is a moment of silence. I hear a spider climb up a wall. Actually, looking at it from across the room, I can see that it's about the size of my head. I slowly shuffle backwards.
"FUUUCCKKK YEAHHH! Thank you Jashin!" hollers Hidan, flipping the coffee table over in excitement.
Kakuzu starts mumbling to himself and I almost expect him to start rocking back and forth on his heels like a kid. Thankfully for all of our mental stabilities, he doesn't and just gets up, stomps over to the couch and plops down in it.
"I accept defeat. Congratulations, Hidan, for winning this childish competition of momentary physical strength and adrenaline that completely ignores the competitors' true power and IQ. Now, let's move on to the second round. Sasori and Deidara. I nominate you two to proceed."
"Awww... Kakuzu has a sour ass face! Hahaha! I win! I win! I win!" laughs Hidan poking his fellow Zombie Brother in the face until the man threatens to chop off his finger and bury it in an unknown country so that he'll never find it. Ever.

The artist duo take the stage, rearranging the coffee table.
"I hate these games, brat." seethes Sasori, his red hair flicking over his blank, wooden eyes.
"You're just afraid to lose, hn!" laughs the blond.
"I don't feel fear. I just have very little patience for these type of activities, but since I did agree to this-..." Sasori is then cut off by Deidara.
"You demanded a rematch, hn. That's not the same thing as 'agreeing to-..."
"Whatever. Let's just do this, brat." sighs the puppet-master, and I'm pretty sure that I see a flicker of dread in his eyes.

Their hands connect and the wrestling starts.
Deidara, being strong, and Sasori, feeling no muscular strain, keep on going. After a few minutes, Deidara starts looking a little sweaty whilst Sasori still looks completely chilled.
"Human weakness. See, unlike you, I have no limit to my physical strength. There is no disadvantage to being made out of wood-..."
He is cut off by a loud cracking sound. The redhead gasps and yanks his arm out of the battle.
"CRAP! Brat! What did you do to my joints! This will need so much repairing and oiling..." spits the puppet-master, examining the damage done to his limbs. I can see that the wood has cracked a little around his wrists and elbows.
"What, did you get a wood splinter stuck in your arm, hn? Hah! Hn... That was a forfeit on your part. So that means that I win... Again, hn." Deidara smirks, winks and blows a kiss at his partner. "Better luck next time, doll face."
For a second, I almost expect Sasori to bitch slap the blond. Instead, the puppet-master simply turns away, mumbling something to himself.
I can only imagine what disgusting, mangled body part he is going to hide in Deidara's bedsheets as vengeance...

"Itachi-san and Kisame-san's turn!" shouts Yuuki, pointing at the Uchiha as he tries to sneak up the stairs without being seen. We can particularly hear the mental swearing but his face is always as composed.
"We didn't duel yet Itachi-san!" laughs Kisame, causing said brunet to sigh and stiffly walk towards the table, plonk down next to it and put his elbow on its dull surface.
"Fine. Let's do this." deadpans the Uchiha, a look of total coolness plastered to his face. Darn those good looks.

Blueman simply laughs, holds his partner's hand (it feels weird simply thinking that) and they start the match.
After a few seconds of grunting, the hands start leaning over to Itachi's side. I guess that the Uchiha suddenly realizes that being a sore loser is in his blood and refuses to give in no matter how silly the game. He starts really resisting Kisame and the hands return to the center, indicating that the men are evenly matched for now.
A few seconds pass. Then a minute. Then two. Then a whole lot of time. We all watch in silence, occasionally holding our breaths if the hands get dangerously close to the table on either side.

By this time, both men have beads of sweat forming on their hairlines, are slightly panting and baring their teeth at the other.
"Damn! These two have got stamina!" chuckles Hidan. "Imagine these two doing it! How long could it last-..."
"Oh please, Hidan, these are innocent children in this room." groans Kakuzu, shoving his partner in the arm.
Sasori and Deidara both huff a little.
"Innocent? As if..." they mumble under their breaths. They look at each other after that creepy unison, until Sasori goes back to glaring at the blond for breaking his arm.

Whilst Yuuki and I seem completely entranced by the match, the men who are not staring at every one of Itachi's muscle flexes start to get bored (for some reason, Deidara seems completely absorbed too...).
Beside me, I hear Ryo groan in frustration.
"Itachi-san, you're so sexy..." he chuckles, imitating a fangirl.
Everybody, including Kisame, turns to stare at my teammate in shock. Itachi takes advantage of this by slamming Kisame's arm onto the table.
With horror, Blueman looks back to his opponent. Itachi looks as if he's about to display a shit eating grin, stand up on the table, singing 'I win, bitches!' whilst performing a striptease.
He doesn't. But he does crack his fingers, shrugging his shoulders smugly. Suddenly he turns to Ryo.
"Listen, boy, I'm flattered, but I'm not interested in teenage boys. I'm not Orochimaru."

Everyone chuckles at that, but then we all give a little shiver after truly remembering how creepy that guy is.
Ryo puts up his hands.
"Whoah! I was kidding! I mean, I was just saying out loud what every fangirl on the planet would be saying! I just thought that saying that would distract one of you two so that we could move on from this match and... urg, whatever. Sorry, Kisame-san." he mumbles the next part under his breath. "Don't kill me please."
Kisame looks a little hurt at that, but in the end he just sighs and accepts defeat. He must be too exhausted from that arm wrestling match to get mad.

I make a mental note on congratulating my friend for being awesome later. The match ended. Thank goodness.
"So... what's next? Should we start the semi-finals, or something?" asks Itachi, obviously getting pumped after beating a muscly, strong, shark man ninja, who was almost two meters tall, in arm wrestling.
"Wait, hm! Gay boy and Ginger... You two go!" chuckles Deidara, pointing at Ryo and I. We share a glance and just shrug in approval.
"Okay! … Wait a second who're you calling gay boy, you gay boy with long blond- ACK!" I slap my hand over my teammate's mouth and tug him over to the coffee table, not wanting him to annoy a guy that could blow us to ashes.

Sending a last glare at the blond and sending a giggling Yuuki a dirty look, Ryo turns back to me.
"What have I gotten myself into..." he mumbles. I just smile and we link hands.
Then it starts. After a few seconds, I can already feel my muscles screaming in protest, but I still manage to resist Ryo.
"I'm just wondering..." I breath and grin. "Are you going easy on me or what?"
My friend chuckles.
"Not really... OK, maybe a little bit... I'll get serious then."

I groan as Ryo starts forcing my arm towards the table. I only manage to hold him off for about ten more seconds before he completely pwns me.
"Jeez... I need to do more upper body workouts..." I laugh, stretching my back.
"You've gotten stronger since the chuunin exams, though. Before I could take you down in three seconds flat." he admits.
"Cool. I guess that asking Tenten and Lee for a few pointers has proven useful." I respond.
My teammate gives me a horrified look.
"Do me a favor, Himeko-chan..." he sighs. "Don't ever let Lee coach you again... After what happened last time... I'm surprise that you're even alive."
We both shiver.

I make to get up but Yuuki pushes me back down.
"I want to go up against Himeko-chan! Then Ryo-kun!" she announces.
I suddenly remember that a bunch of older men are watching me do something physical and I instinctively pull the front of my shirt up. Who knows... Maybe some of them are perverts with weird fetishes... I am now thinking of Sasori and his puppets as well as Hidan and his ritual.

"Yuu-chan, a minute, my arm is killing me. Oh, wait, we'll just both use our left hands then." I suggest.
My cousin nods and we grab hands.
"A warning... My left arm is absolutely useless..." she mutters.
So I start my second arm wrestling match... And, thankfully for me, my left arm is stronger than Yuuki's, even though she is a far more naturally athletic person than me. I guess that being a fan of tree climbing has helped me out in life. Thank you tree climbing.
A minute and an aching left arm later, I somehow manage to win, even if my cousin managed to get my hand within an inch of my side of the table.
"Wow... Yuuki-chan, I know that you're right handed but you've got to work on that other limb of yours. If you've managed to be beaten by Himeko-chanthen you've obviously got a problem." laughs Ryo.

I get up and roughly shoved him to the spot across the coffee table.
"Shut up, stupid." my cousin and I both mutter at his double criticism, then I join Sasori so the side to watch my teammates compete.
I check to make sure my arms are still attached to my body. Oh my gosh... I groan. They feels as if they're floating... From experience, I know that I will be feeling intense muscular pains starting from tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to me able to even tie a pony-tail for a day or two.

Another arm wrestling match starts. I swear, it's so much more entertaining in person.
Since I have major focusing problems, my thoughts trail off while I watch my friends. I've got to get physically stronger. I nearly lost two arm wrestling matches in a row and that's just embarrassing. I suddenly remember what Lee suggested I could do. To completely work out my body and power, I should start by doing intense kickboxing. I should do some kickboxing! Or some taijutsu... Or some jiu-jitsu... Or maybe even some Krav Maga?
I shake my head. So many awesome martial arts workouts to chose from! I sigh in frustration.
If only I were actually fit enough... Hell, I can hardly do more than five pushups without collapsing (though it's an improvement from the zero I could achieve back when I first arrived in the ninja world).

I flick my eyes back to my friends. Oh, they're still at it. This isn't as long as Itachi and Kisame's match, but this proves that Yuuki is quite capable of standing her ground, though she is obviously struggling a lot against Ryo. He's such a tough cookie. However, Yuuki and I, sharing the same blood, are both stubborn.
My blond teammate's arm is starting to get closer to her side of the table. The slight look of panic that races in her eyes for a second disappears and is replaced by an evil look.
I suddenly really pity Ryo.

The poor boy looks really confused as to why Yuuki is staring at him with such a strange grin, but a look of horror dawns on his face when he feels my cousin's leg slowly run up his.
"WHAT THE-! Yuuki! That's not fair!" he gasps, starting to twitch when the blond girl's foot gets dangerously close to his family jewels.
My cousin simply laughs at his red face and takes advantage of his distraction to smash his arm against the table.
Ryo stands up furiously.
"You can't do that!" he shouts.
"No rule against it, hon." she chuckles, getting up and patting our friend on the face before walking back towards me.
Well, at least we know that Ryo isn't gay.

Every Akatsuki member is holding back a grin at the little display. I'm hesitating between laughing my butt off or feeling a little weird because... well... Ryo is my best friend forever and Yuuki is my cousin. Seeing your family member do dirty stuff is always disturbing...
Wow, I now feel the need to apologize for all those 'Are you nervous yet?' games I've made my friends watch.
When Ryo slumps over to the spectator's area, Kisame shoots him a glare.
"Now you know what being distracted during a match feels like." huffs Blueman.
"I said I was sorry..." sighs Ryo, standing besides me. Hates losing at arm wrestling against a girl, I guess.

Suddenly, something green comes out the ground.
"OH MY GOD IT'S AN ALIEN!" I scream, backing off into the wall. Yuuki shrieks and jumps into Ryo's arms, wrapping her legs around his torso. He didn't see that coming and combined with the shock of seeing Zetsu grow out of the ground, he falls over, Yuuki crashing down on top of him.
My poor guy friend looks incredibly confused for a second.
"Yuuki..." he groans, red in the face. "Next time, a warning would be nice before you sic me... And, as much as I like you sitting on top of me cutting off my oxygen supply, I'm lying on a rock, so my back kinda hurts..."
My cousin starts snorting with laughter, stands up and helps the guy off the floor.

I shake my head, wondering why my teammates are so weird...
You're saying that?
"Zetsu-san! Hey, do you want to join in for the semi-finals of our arm wrestling tournament? There are only 3 guys competing and we need even numbers..." I smile, hoping that he won't eat me.
The plant guy gives me a funny look.
"Oh, so that's what you guys were doing..." says the white half.
"... for a moment there, I thought that we would be able to take many compromising, embarrassing pictures of Akatsuki members holding hands." smirks the black half.

"Zetsu!" growls Hidan, before giving the plant-man-creature-monster-thing an evil grin. "You're up against me! Now!"
Zetsu crawls over to the coffee table like Ursula and plonks down on the floor.
"I want to arm wrestle with Hidan!" announces the white Zetsu.
"NO! I want to arm wrestle with Hidan!" snaps the black Zetsu.
Most of the Akatsuki members groan. I presume that this is a common occurrence.

"I'm wrestling the right side. Sorry, white Zetsu, maybe another time." decides Hidan, offering black Zetsu his arm, who chuckles. The white side grumbles and looks about ready to punch his black counterpart, but seems to think twice since he would technically be punching himself.

So they start arm wrestling.
I see why Hidan wanted to go up against Zetsu so bad. Though the guy is tough, he is a plant, so he is obvious not made out of three tons of man muscle like the Jashinist is.
"Argh! Careful! He's starting to win!" hollers the white Zetsu half, flapping his arm like a chicken. "Woah, you're so dark compared to Hidan-san! NO! No! No! He's gonna win! Quick, push! Push! No! Resist! Resist! Urg! Come on!"
I notice all the Akatsuki sigh in annoyance. Looks like half a certain aloe vera man gets a little too carried away during arm wresting.
After another minute, Hidan finally slams his opponent's arm into the table.

"If it had been me, I would have won!" yells the white Zetsu.
"Shut up! If weren't for your loud screaming I could have focused better!" snaps the black half back.
"Stupid! I'm the stronger half and you know it!"
"Oh, quit your whining!"
Before long, the two halves of Zetsu are arguing like a married couple. I start giggling because since they're sharing a mouth... having them argue is hilarious.
However, once the white Zetsu slaps his other half across the face and they both grunt in pain...
I start laughing so hard that I start crying. I sink to the floor, holding my stomach, and I'm soon joined by Yuuki, Ryo, Hidan, Kisame and Deidara. All six of us start banging out fists on the floor in laughter.
Sasori looks completely mortified at our behavior. Kakuzu is snorting whilst holding himself up against a wall. Itachi is biting back a tiny smile.

The Zetsus have stopped quarreling by now and are now glaring at us.
"You are all a bunch of immature children." snarls the black Zetsu.
"We were merely disagreeing on arm wrestling techniques. You don't have to make such a racket." huffs the white half. "Anyways... Deidara-san, Itachi-san... your turn."

There is an epic far west moment between the two men. Well, actually, Deidara is glaring at Itachi, one of his most hated persons, his fingers twitching. The Uchiha just stares back calmly.
"Itachi Uchiha..." smiles Deidara. "You're going down."
The brunet simply sits at the coffee table, putting his elbow on its surface and giving his fingers a quick wiggled. I think that means that he's super riled up.
The match commences. I try to guess who will win.
Well, judging by each of these shinobi's bicep muscle volume, multiplied by their overall body mass, divided by the number of calories they have burned during their first matches, squared by the angle their arms form... equals...
Two sexy guys. Nothing else matters. I nod. Sounds about right.

We all patiently watch the men, noticing how extreme Deidara's facial expressions are. He is flaring his nostrils so much while breathing that he looks like a constipated bull who recently got castrated.
With that image in mind, I stay extremely entertained during the whole match.
Deidara's visible eyebrow starts twitching like crazy and Itachi soon has a tight frown on his face, as the men both refuse to lose. Deidara because it's personal (he hates Uchihas) and Itachi because he secretly loves winning at arm wrestling.

After a few minutes, Itachi suddenly gulps extremely loudly, his face slightly scrunching up in disgust.
"Deidara-san... This is... repulsive..." growls the Uchiha.
When the blond starts laughing and tightens his hold on Itachi's hand, everyone suddenly understands what's going on.
"Ewwww... Dude, is the tongue in your palm licking Itachi-san's hand?" gasps Ryo.
To the Uchiha's credit, he didn't let this turn of events ruin his concentration.

Hidan then walks towards Deidara, leans over and mock whispers something in his ear loud enough for everyone to hear.
"I wouldn't do that shit if I were you, blondie." he smirks. "As far as I know, Itachi is sexually depraved... Guess where that hand of his has been."
I bite back a chuckle at the sudden look of utter horror on the bomber's face and, most of all, at the suggestive eyebrow quirk that Itachi just sent to his opponent.
"Nooooo!" screams Deidara as if he were in severe pain, getting stabbed over and over in the gut or something.
Itachi smashes the blond's hand into the table.

Deidara immediately yanks his hand out of the Uchiha's grip and starts pouring peppermint mouthwash into his palm mouth (he made the bottle appear from somewhere inside his cloak), cradling his precious body part whilst making gagging noises and muttering something that sounds a lot like "Itachi's dick taste...".

Itachi looks extremely pleased with himself while wiping Deidara's spit off of his hand.
"So... I presume that now is the finale? Hidan-san... We're competing." he says coolly, but I can practically feel the smugness floating around him.
Man, the Akatsuki take this a little too seriously. They must be really bored.
Hidan smirks and sits in front of him.
"Sure thing, pretty boy." he chuckles. Itachi's facial expression doesn't even change a little.

I just realized, in the Akatsuki, there a mostly men. Mostly. Men.
So... In other words, it must suck to be young and good looking like Itachi or girly looking like Deidara. If they weren't so freaking powerful, I'm pretty sure that they would have been butt raped countless times by now...
Crap... I'm surprised that the Akatsuki are surprisingly civilized when it comes to their 'tension release' (as far as I know). They didn't try to rape anyone in my team yet and they don't seem to jumping each other either.

Actually... what dothese men do? Are they all virgins or something? I mean, they do chose power/money/immortality over everything in this world, even ninja babes. Sasori did trade his body in for power, which means no screwing for him (unless... no, I don't even want to think about it). Itachi seems too uptight to even try to woo a lady/man/animal/undetermined-sexual-orientation-not-that-I'm-judging. It's hard to imagine anyone from the Akatsuki getting their swerve on actually. The only one that I can picture having a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever is probably Deidara... He is the youngest of the bunch, extremely handsome and, not to mention, he doesn't have an ice-cube for a personality.

Hidan and Itachi start the match. The muscles flexing and grunting commences.
Everyone holds their breath... This is it... The final match before we all go back to being bored.
"Hidan-san! Win!" shouts Deidara. "Don't let an Uchiha beat you, hm!"
"Itachi-san..." grumbles Kakuzu, going to stand behind the brunet. "If I had to bet, I'd bet on you."
Soon, two teams form... Team Hidan and Team Itachi.
Team Hidan is composed of Deidara, Sasori and Zetsu. The first for an obvious reason and the other two because they simply believe that there are more chances for an immortal guy to win an arm wrestling match.
Team Itachi is composed of Kisame (he's really supportive of Itachi), Kakuzu (he hates Hidan), Ryo, Yuuki and I (because Itachi is awesome and Hidan is a jackass).

A few minutes pass and both of the men are starting to look tired.
We all hold our breath as the hands get close to Itachi's side of the table. Oh my gosh... Is he gonna lose?
"NO! You're Itachi-freaking-Uchiha! You can't lose!" hollers Kisame frantically. "I believe in you man!"
A new look of determination appears in the brunet's eyes and, with a grunt, he heaves his and Hidan's fists back to the center of the table.
The hands continue to get from Hidan's side of the table to Itachi's side...
A long time passes and it looks as if none of them are giving in... Ryo knows better than to try and distract someone this time, because making Hidan lose would probably result in an agonizingly slow death.

"None of these two stubborn shinobi are going to give in." mutters Sasori.
"Why do you guys try so freaking hard? It's just an arm wrestling match." I sigh.
"It's a point of pride in men. We want to be the physically strongest." explains the ninja.
I chuckle.
"Well, funny of you to be the one to say that, Sasori-sen-... Sasori-san." I grin. His big brown eyes look confused.
"What makes you say that?"
"Being a man? How can you say that when your junk and balls are probably floating in a jar somewhere?" I reply with as much tact as I can muster. I hope for my life that I'm not overstepping boundaries here.

Sasori gives me a look that clearly says that he'd rather not answer that.
"Actually, she's got a point, hm." adds Deidara. "I've always wondered what you did with it after converting your body into a puppet and replacing everything, except for your heart, with wood, hm. I wouldn't cut off my dick for power. Urg..." He makes a face. "How could you even bring yourself to do that?"
"With... a lot of determination." Sasori then suddenly goes into full blown nostalgia mode. "I... remember... back when I had a penis, I used to pee my name in the sand of Suna. Now, pathetic human bodily functions are no longer a problem. No hunger, no need to sleep, no feelings..."
"Yeah, but you still literally have no balls." snorts Deidara.
Sasori glares at him.
"You've got to sacrifice certain things for immortality and power. My sacrifices may have been... inconvenient... but I am immortal art. Isn't it worth it?"
Deidara shrugs.
"I get it, hm. But still... chopping off you own dick... That takes a certain mindset..."

Everyone is so absorbed either by the two artists' metaphysical debate on whether cutting off your own junk for power is a fair trade, either by Hidan and Itachi's never ending arm wrestling match, that no one notices as Konan and Pein stroll down the staircase, into the common room.

Phew, more characters introduced!
And, seriously, am I the only one who wonders what Sasori did with his dick? Did he seriously just... chop it off? To my male readers (if I have any, or to my female readers with good imagination): would you cut off your own family jewels for immortality and great power? I personally don't know if it's a fair trade... I probably wouldn't. I can't even cut my own hair without being scared of screwing up...
Cookies to any who can pick up any modern cultural references to songs/ movies/ shows I made (I somtimes write them unconciously, but it's always fun to have people point them out)!

Fun fact about dicks floating in jars: Did you know that there is a museum in Iceland that collects real penises (they now have a human one too)? Oh, you Icelanders ;p
Yeah, I'm not joking, Google it. If you've been there before, please tell me how creepy it is!

OMG The latest chapter of Naruto were mind-blowing! I mean, I kinda saw it coming, but still... My OCs won't know about anything past... let's say, around the invasion of Konoha in Shippuden. And they're obviously gonna start forgetting stuff too (after years, you probably would too).
I can't wait until we get the Kazekage and Gaara chapters in the anime!

So... I'll try to update sooner next time. Just remember, I am never giving up on my stories! If I am not updating, it's because I'm writing the next chapter, slowly but surely.
Good luck for those starting school, high school (that's me!), university, work...!
Love,
HimekoUchia (Now... I'm going to be up all night imagining Sasori chopping his body parts off and replacing them with wood O.O )