I woke up to the sound of Darry calling Soda into his room. I could hear the TV on and was guessing Darry had also… Soda was the only one who sat in front of the television on Saturday mornings. Pony and I preferred to sleep as late as Darry let us, and Darry usually took care of stuff around the house, normally involving hammering, which both Pony and I knew was a plot to get us out of bed. I heard Soda get up and go to Darry's room, opening his squeaky door.

"You alright?" I heard Soda ask. I actually leaned my ear up against our shared wall to hear what they were saying.

"Can you go into my top drawer and get me some aspirin?" I heard Darry ask. There was a drawer opened and shut, and I heard a creak as I guessed Soda was sitting down on Darry's bed. Darry groaned and I heard the glass of water I'd left there in the night get set back down.

"What the hell happened, Darry? Jesus, you've never been one to get wasted like that. You were a mess."

"I know, Soda. I mean, I don't know, but I can only imagine, based on how I feel right now."

"Why, Darry? I mean, are you really that miserable? You know everything that state lady got on your case for was bunk. We all know that."

"Look, Soda, I just cracked, okay? Like when I did when I hit Pony… the pressure, it just gets to me sometimes and I just... I lost control. I'm not proud of it, believe me. Least the only one I hurt this time was me."

"You scared Scout and Pony pretty bad. Only time they've seen one of us that bad off was me, the night that… well, the night Steve hurt Scout."

"Jesus Christ," I heard Darry mutter.

"I get it, Darry," Soda said. "To be honest, I'm surprised the pressure doesn't get to you more often. Scout said to me last night – ad she was right – we take you for granted a lot of the time. I forget you might have doubts – and I forget to tell you you're doing a great job."

"She wrote me a note."

There was a pause.

"Yeah, well, I think she was probably awake listening for you, to make sure you were okay. I caught her cleaning out the trash can in the bathroom in the middle of the night last night after you got sick. She loves you, Darry. You're doing such a good job with her… me and Pony – she loves us, and we love her, but she needs you, Darry. You're the only real adult she has. And you handle the girl stuff real good. I wouldn't do as good as you do with that."

"I try. She deserves at least that from me. It isn't easy for her, I'm sure, stuck with three guys."

There was a long pause.

"So, you gonna get up, or you wanna rest some more? I'm the only one up. Pony and Scout are still sleeping."

"What time is it?"

"Eight-thirty."

"I'm gonna lie back down for an hour or so, see if I can lose the headache."

"Okay. You want me to call Tim and have him take me to get your truck?"

"Oh shit, I forgot about that. Nah, don't wake him up. We can go later, you can take me in Two-Bit's car, okay?"

"Yeah, 'kay. Good luck with the headache." I heard the bed creak again as Soda got up.

"Huh, thanks," Darry said sarcastically, and I heard his door shut.

Knowing he was okay, and would be sleeping again, just across the wall from me, I turned over and went back to sleep.

…………………….

I slept like a rock, glad that this time my dreams returned to the dance and Ben, his hands around my shoulders. I awoke with a start as someone sat on my bed.

"Sorry, baby." It was Darry, freshly showered and smelling like himself again. "Didn't mean to scare you. I called you but you didn't wake up. I guess you were pretty tired, huh?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes and tried to orient myself. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was eleven. Darry never let us sleep that late.

I lay back on the pillow and stretched.

"I got your note," he said, softly. "I'm real sorry about that, last night… I wish you hadn't 've had to see that."

I looked down at the sheets, biting at my lip, but trying not to, since I knew Darry knew that was a sign I was upset.

"Scout, talk to me, please. Go ahead and be mad, yell at me. I deserve it, I was stupid." He pushed my hair back off my face. It was still in braids from the dance but a night of restless sleep had sent more than a few strands astray.

"Scout, come on. Don't shut me out."

"I just feel… bad," I finally said. "I don't want you to be miserable because you have to take care of us. Two-Bit always tells me people tell the truth when they're drunk, and you said…"

"Whoa… slow down." He took my hand in his. "I wasn't thinking straight last night, obviously, or I wouldn't have drank so much and made a scene. Not everything Two-Bit says is gospel, you know. I want to be in charge of you, and Soda and Pony. It would kill me if anybody else but me got to do it."

"But you said…"

"I don't even know what I said, Scout, except that whatever it was, it scared you, and I feel really bad about that. But right now I'm sober, and I know what I'm saying and I'm telling you, I love you and your brothers, and I want to take care of you."

"Then why… what happened? What did we do? I mean, I thought things were really going good."

"It was nothing any of you did, baby. It was me, judging myself, and feeling bad about missing your graduation, the fight we had after I had to come get you at that party, the fights I have with Pony…"

"Darry, we all had fights with Mom and Dad, too. They weren't perfect, and none of us expect you to be, either."

"I do, sometimes," he said, and, realizing how true that was, how much pressure he put on himself, I sat up and leaned my head against his chest, smelling the Curtis aftershave I recognized and loved.

"What happened with Alison?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Just a disagreement. She thought I was overreacting by not wanting you to be around Anna for a while… I think after all the second-guessing of me the state lady did, it just rubbed me the wrong way and I overreacted. I'll call her later."

"I don't think you're overreacting." I thought about how different it was, leaning against Darry than it was leaning against Ben. I loved them both so much but, right then, loving Ben seemed easy and loving Darry seemed complicated. I thought about it for a minute then added,

"I wish you would take more time for yourself, to be with Alison, and your friends. I'm getting old enough Darry – I babysit other people's kids, I don't need a babysitter myself. You don't have to stay home all the time because of us." He was quiet for a while.

"Scout?" I was still tired and closing my eyes against him.

"Yeah?"

"Know who I ran into at Buck's last night?"

"Uh… Two-Bit and Tim?" That seemed obvious. He laughed.

"Besides them, I mean."

"Buck? I don't know, Darry, I don't know who goes to Buck's. I don't go there."

"Luke."

"Who?"

"Luke Kennedy. I played football with him, and he was on the search team that found you when you were lost in the woods."

"Oh." I had no idea where he was going with this. "Okay…"

"He said he saw you at the rodeo."

"Oh." Suddenly I sort of knew where he was going with it.

"He said you were alone, and some guy was picking on you, trying to put his hands on you, and he had to step in."

I didn't answer.

"The boys left you? They left you, and some strange guy tried to touch you, and you didn't ever say anything to me?." He didn't sound mad, he sounded kind of sad, actually.

"I was okay. I didn't want to get them in trouble – Two-Bit already was in trouble – I just decided to let it go. Why do you even care? It was months ago."

"I don't know… I don't even know if I can explain it. Just… to know that somebody else, practically a stranger, had to step up and look out for you… It makes me feel like I failed, like I'm failing you."

"Darry, you weren't even there."

"I know. I guess I just want… I just wish you would talk to me about stuff like that, so I know you are okay, so I don't have to hear it from some stranger, months later, and feel like he's judging me, for leaving my kid sister alone at the rodeo, and wondering if you actually were okay."

"He wasn't judging you, Darry. He's real nice."

"I know. Just… do you think, when stuff like that happens, can you talk to me about it?"

"Yeah, I mean, I would have, but I just figured there was no point. I was okay. Sometimes things are gonna happen that you won't know about, Dar. I mean, I'm sure you didn't tell Mom and Dad about everything that ever happened to you."

"No," he admitted. "I guess I just overreacted… last night certainly wasn't exactly a shining moment in my guardianship. Christ, having your little sister cleaning out your trash can after you throw up in it isn't exactly being a great brother."

"It wasn't that bad, and I know one of you guys would do it for me, if I was sick." I said, trying to think of something positive to say. "I had a really good time at the dance with Ben. And we were all home on time." Then I added, as an afterthought, "Thanks for letting me go."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun. And I'm sorry if I kinda put a damper on your good mood," he said, pulling me tightly into a hug. "I hope you're not still mad, or scared, or whatever. I love you, Scout, and I just want to do right by you and your brothers."

"You don't have to worry, you're doing great," I said, hugging him back.

"Thanks for the note," he said. "I hope I don't have to put up a mailbox in my room for your teenage years."

I laughed.

"And the toothbrush," he added, "really appreciated."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't my idea. Ben did that for me after I got sick that night," I said. It seemed to be getting easier and easier to talk about the good part of that night - the part with Ben - without automatically thinking about the bad part.

We were still there, sitting on my bed talking, a few minutes later when Soda was suddenly knocking urgently on my door.

"Darry?"

"Jeez, Soda, what? For chrissakes, don't bust the door down."

"Sorry, but… a cop just pulled up outside. He's coming up the walk."

I felt every muscle in Darry's body tense as a sour taste filled my own mouth.

What now? I thought. Seriously… what now?

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: I know, I just get meaner and meaner. I have accidentally mastered the cliffhanger. What exactly did Darry do in his drunken state? But it doesn't mean I don't love you all and eat up your reviews, even when you're mad, 'cause I do. Thanks for being awesome readers.

I am not sure how my posting will be for the next two weeks - I'm going to be in France. The good news is: What better thing does anyone have to do on an overseas flight than write fanfiction, really? The bad news is: I'm not sure exactly what my internet situation will be like over there.