Isabelle just sat on her bed looking around the vast room, there wasn't anything to call her own here. It felt strange to have this all this room, with beautiful furniture and decor, it was meant to be hers. She felt like a stranger to this life, it was not what she expected or really wanted any more. She would rather the simple life, if only she had him back. Her hand ran over her stomach thinking about what she had been told, whether her pregnancy had survived, no one had spoken to her about it, making her doubt it was ever real.
Then now there was the added information she had, the soldier had once been Steves best friend. That had taken some thought to get her head around. Now she had time to think about it, it was no longer shocking, it actually made perfect sense. She knew HYDRA using him on there terms by putting him on ice, storing him like they had done to her, for longer than she ever thought possible. But they obviously managed it well. He had been changed like her, torn away from all he knew and made into something she guessed he wasn't. HYDRA would have probably ended up doing the same thing to her too if he hadn't of saved her the first time or if HYDRA hadn't been taken down by Steve. The way he was acting when his memories came back to haunt him, he was so confused, Steve had been the trigger, she guessed it had been so long, it was why it shook him up pretty bad.
Going to the wardrobe she opened the doors staring at the full range of clothes she now owned. They filled her wardrobe full of clothing that was all slightly too big but they were under instructions from the doctors to get her to put weight on. They had definitely gone over board, there were different styles and colours, some of the clothes looked far to expensive for day to day, while others looked more comfortable but not her. Going for some shorts and a strap top she pulled them on, not really caring what she looked like. She looking back out of the window, her beautiful city view. She didn't really know what to do with herself. Leaning against the metal frame of the window she watch the city move on. She felt her heart ache, even Steve couldn't answer her about where her solider was. She rested her head against the cool window, how the hell would she find out if he was dead or alive. She could not live with herself if he was out there alone, a tear run down her cheek, she wiped it away, cursing herself for being so weak. She couldn't do this to herself, she needed to be proactive in finding him, if he was out there and her only hope of help with is was Steve. That was if she could persuade him to help her. She ran her finger along the glass following the lights of the city amongst the night sky. She needed to tell Steve everything, right from the start till her last seconds with him. Hopefully he would understand what they had both been through, that their was more than the assassin within him.
Pushing herself off the glass she left her room padding her way down the corridors and stairways to Steve's apartment. He could be still at the party with everyone else but it was worth a try. Gently tapping at the door she waited, it seemed to be more like Steve was still with everyone else. Turning she was just about to head back to her room when she heard the door open. She turned back to see Steve standing in the door way his hair wet and he was just in some trousers.
"Isabelle." He frowned looking down at her obviously baffled why she was there now.
"I really need to talk to you." She muttered looking at him, hoping he would understand her urgency. "It's important."
Steve didn't say anything but simply stepped out of the way allowing her into his room. She walked in wrapping her arms around herself her nerves getting the better of her, his room was more homely. She remember some of his furniture from his apartment. He even had photos up, some old originals by the look of them. She turned around not wanting to pry to much into Steve's personal space. Watching him pull on a shirt, she remembered how she would once feel flustered around him. He was after all a very good looking guy, maybe once before all of this something could have developed but now she remembered about her solider. Once fully dressed Steve stood in front of her, his face full of questions and apprehension.
"I guess you have some questions for me?" Isabelle broke the silence rubbing her arms worried about how this would go. She bit the corner of her lip as she thought how to word everything she needed to tell him. "Please just let me explain everything first, I will tell you all I know and I promise to tell you the truth, all of it. Just save any questions till I have finished."
Steve nodded pointing to the sofa and armchair. Slowly Isabelle sat on the sofa tucking her legs underneath her, watching Steve as he sat in the armchair. Isabelle started where her and Steve had left off after that kiss they shared. It seemed like years ago, felt strange to be only talking about months.
She let everything spill, she could see Steve's expression of shock and horror plastered across his face. She told him as much as she could, obviously having blanks that she was unable to have answered herself. She recalled as much of her early memories as she could to give him the full understanding of the situation slotting them in amongst her recent experience. She could see he was just absorbing as much of the information as he could. It was a lot, it was tiring to her just bringing it all back again. She watched Steve nod at the appropriate places, she tried to explain her feelings and her soldiers feelings. How they were the victims of HYDRAS experiments and manipulation. She could see from the window the light from the sun as it began to rise in the sky. Slowly she got up moving towards the window too look out across the view as she spoke.
"I need to find him Steve I owe him that at least, after all he did for me." She finished now standing up her arms wrapped around herself, turning to stare at him hoping he understood. "I made a promise to him. His memories will return at some point, I know it."
"You still love him even after he tried killing you the last time you saw him?" She could the judgement in Steve's eyes, she couldn't put her finger on what he was thinking. She knew he would have questions for her and she owed him to be honest about his friend.
"Yes. I don't know, my feeling have been messed up recently and we were forced together, he is the reason why I am alive though and I do love him in a way, its just complicated." She nodded trying to understand her own feeling which she had not really had the chance to do before "His memories of me had been wiped completely by HYDRA, his brain scrambled as a punishment for not completing a mission. He either didn't know it was me and did a poor job of killing me or perhaps something stopped him from killing me. I have hope that he will remember soon!" She put her hands on her hips not really expecting to have justify herself to Steve. "He trained me to fight and I learnt a lot from him Steve. He could over power me whenever he wanted because I get distracted by emotions, feelings, something I am learning to control. He could have easily killed me if he really wanted to, he definitely knew how to do that. I was a target, a prisoner and a belonging at the end of the day nothing more. He stabbed me but didn't kill me as he was instructed to do, destroy anyone attempting to stop HYDRA, instead left me, what harm would there be if he had added a bullet to my brain. He didn't though, he didn't kill me. It's the hope I need to keep looking for him. It's all I need to know he may remember me."
"Isabelle he's dangerous to himself and others." Steve looked seriously at her. "His mental state is unknown and there is a chance he went down with the rest of HYDRA."
"He knew you, even you said it he may have saved you." She stared at him with disbelief that he would turn his back on his own friend. "What more do you need?" She threw her arms out wide in frustration. "I am dangerous because of HYDRA too, are you just going to discard me like him." She took a deep breath in trying to calm herself knowing this was not going to get what she wanted if she just shouted at him. She took a deep calming breath in looking at her friend before saying. "He was remembering you Steve when I last saw him." She felt a tear rolled down her cheek. "He protected me from hell. He was doing what he did to keep HYDRA from killing me. They used his feelings for me to control him and I hate myself for that."
She turned away from Steve wiping her tears away, she guessed Steve wasn't the help she had hoped she could rely on. She let out a sigh not really knowing what to do or say now. She hadn't even brought up about the possibility of her carrying his friends child. She bit her lip trying to work out where she went from here.
"I do actually believe you. I was never going to give up on him, I couldn't, I let him, my friend down, I just needed to know your intentions." Steve finally said calmly coming closer to her pulling her into his arms, holding her as she let out a sob. "It's a lot of information to find out your best friend was turned into something I never thought he could be. That he killed people, innocent people and he has to be accountable for that but during that he found love in one of my friends in the last place I would expect."
Isabelle glanced up looking at Steve's face smiling weakly. It was just enough though to give her hope that Steve was on her side. She pulled out of his arms looking at him her eyes meeting his seeing that he meant it.
"There is good in him Steve, he isn't just the winter soldier and the assassin he was made into." Isabelle turned to looked at Steve.
"I hope that is true." Steve nodded rubbing his head as he thought. "I guess it's my turn to be honest with you now."
Isabelle cocked her head looking at him not sure what was going to be said or happen now after what she just told him. She waited as her heart rate began to rise, watching Steve go over to his desk full of papers. He pulled at a hidden draw and brought out a folder holding it within his hands. Isabelle frowned as Steve finally handed the folder to her.
"Read it." Steve said.
Isabelle slowly opened the folder seeing a picture of her soldier, he looked different, care free, happy. Slowly she touched the photo, knowing this was taken a life time ago now. She could feel herself tremble as she went through the papers. There was enlistment forms from the Second World War, HYDRA paperwork, experiments and lots more. She didn't quiet understand why or how Steve had all of this but it explained a lot about her soldier.
"Why do you have all of this?" She asked feeling really confused.
"I have been looking for him already." Steve answered sitting on the edge of his sofa crossing his arms. "Following leads. I believe that he's alive Isabelle. You have just given me hope that he has the ability to change and I didn't have to do something I would have regretted the rest of my life, killing my friend because of what he was."
Isabelle had no words to say she just flung her arms around her friend hugging him. Finally there was hope she had wanted and something to keep her going. She had some one who would help her. She felt Steve return her hug, she could feel the tears fall freely from her eyes now. As Steve pulled back she could see he was looking at her worried.
"These are happier tears." She wiped her cheeks with the bottom of her top before looking back at him. "I never thought I would be able to tell any one this Steve, let alone some one believing me. It's like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders."
"I know." Steve smiled wiping a stray tear off her cheek. "The others though, they wouldn't be as understanding. They only know him as the winter soldier, a enemy, nothing else."
"So just us?" Isabelle sighed thinking for a moment feeling some of that weight return, she didn't like the idea of keeping secrets but she knew how to if needed.
"And Sam whose a good friend, I met him after I thought you had been put under to retrieve your memories." Steve added moving over to his small kitchen. "He's been helping me already, we can trust him. Do you want a coffee while you read through the rest of the folder."
"Please." She nodded moving to sit back down at the sofa looking through the notes Steve had put together. She now had a name for him, her soldier at least James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes which made her happier than she thought it ever would.