What a Web We Weave

37) Depression and Decisions

Heather looked around the apartment, its walls and floor bare. Every surface was swept and dusted. It was appropriate, she felt, that she tidy it all up before she left. She came to this place needing a clean slate, and now she was leaving it in search of another one. There was only one thing left to do.

She sat down on the floor by the front door, pulling her laptop close and opening the webcam program. Her finger hovered over the keypad, hesitating. She took a breath and clicked.

When she finished, she shut down the computer and stuffed it into the backpack beside her, zipping it up tight. Pulling on her jacket, she gathered the bag and slung it over her shoulder, opening the front door and stepping out. She took one last look into the tiny apartment, unsure of when she'd return, only that it wouldn't be for quite some time. With that knowledge, she shut the door and turned the key.

YJxYJxYJ

Nightwing stood in front of the computer console in Mount Justice, a serious frown on his normally cheerful face. From the zeta, there came a bright light and Superboy, Miss Martian, Zatanna, Artemis and Kid Flash stepped inside.

"What's up, Wing?" Wally called, "you said get over here fast. Of course it would've been faster if Artemis had let me run us here – ow!" he rubbed the spot where his girlfriend had elbowed him, staring at her reproachfully.

"Point is," Artemis said, ignoring Wally's puppy dog eyes. "We're here. What's the emergency?"

Nightwing turned to his teammates, his expression far too grave for a man his age. "There was a message that came to the Mountain a few hours ago. It's marked urgent, and says it shouldn't be opened until all of the original members of Young Justice are here. Batman says the Watchtower received a similar message from the same IP address, only theirs requests that all the founders of the League and a few select others should be present."

"So, what are we waiting for? We're here. Play it," Conner frowned and folded his arms.

Dick hesitated for another moment. "That's not all."

"Do you think it's a virus, or a message with mind control capabilities in it?" M'gann questioned.

"No. Definitely not." Of this, at least, the former Boy Wonder seemed certain.

"Then what aren't you telling us?" Zatanna asked, gently touching his shoulder.

"I know who the IP address belongs to – it's Heather's," Nightwing finally said.

The information had an instant effect. Several shifted uncomfortably, or exchanged forlorn glances. Despite her efforts to reassure everyone that she was 'fine, just fine,' it had been evident to all that Heather Parker was not the same girl she once was since the death of the second Robin. Though most information about the boy had remained a mystery for security reasons, one thing that had come to light was Heather had a hand in training the teen, and the two had shared a unique, sibling-like bond. She cared very deeply about Robin, and out of all those in Young Justice, she'd taken his death the hardest – even more than Dick.

Recently, she'd become more and more distracted, silent and brooding. Batman himself seemed unsure of what to do for the young woman. Without explanation, she'd ceased all vigilante activities as Black Bat, and had retreated into her civilian life in New York during the past two weeks since the funeral. The message on the Mountain's computer was the first contact she'd made with anyone, and the method it was being sent in raised red flags in everyone's minds.

Eventually becoming uneasy in the thickening silence, Wally cleared his throat and pulled Artemis close. "Play the message, Dick," he murmured.

Nightwing keyed in the appropriate commands, and a video screen popped up with Heather's fatigued face in clear view on the large holoscreen. The former Boy Wonder pressed play.

"Hi everyone," she gave a weak smile and brushed back a lock of red hair. "I'm sure that most of you are wondering why I haven't returned your calls, or emails, or texts. Truth is, I just didn't have anything more to say. Because really, what can I say at this point?" she hesitated, breaking eye contact with the camera, while worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

She sighed and took in a deep breath, finally looking back up. "I screwed up. I know I did," she said simply. "Robin… he was my responsibility, and I failed. I should've been able to protect him. I should've been there for him. I could've stopped him from leaving, or gone after him, and then he wouldn't –" she broke off again, glancing to the side.

She wiped at the corner of her eyes – none too subtly – and turned back slowly, unable to meet the camera's scrutiny now. "Could of, should've, would've – it doesn't matter. It's my fault Robin's dead. I'm learning to accept that. Nothing I do now can change the past." She shook her head.

"I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I'm supposed to be fighting for. I can't do this –" she gestured vaguely to the room she was in and in essence to the room on the other side of the camera, "anymore. That's why, effective immediately, I am taking a leave of absence from all work in the superhero community… maybe a permanent one."

The pause this time was deliberate, and her gaze into the camera was steady, though her eyes seemed too bright in the faint lighting of the room she was in. "I need time. Time to think and reevaluate who I am, what I want, what I stand for. I need time to be alone. When I put on my suit, or walk into the Mountain – or the Watchtower, or the Batcave – or work on something that has to do with mind readers and aliens, all I can think about is him."

"I see him whenever I close my eyes. His laugh, his smile, his crude jokes – they're as permanently etched into my brain as the inscription on his tombstone," Heather didn't hide it as tears slipped, one then two, down either cheek. "I need to get away from all of this. I think it's the only way I'll ever be able to heal. I wish there was another way, but I've been over this a million times in my head. This is my only option."

"I know most of you won't understand, and some of you may hate me for this, and that's okay," she smiled, bittersweet. "I pretty much hate myself too right now. Especially because I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye in person. I just couldn't risk the chance that one of you – probably Artemis, or M'gann, or Nightwing – would be able to talk me out of this. It may not make sense, and god it's hard, but this is what I need more than anything." She took a deep breath.

"Please – please whatever you do, don't any of you blame yourself for me leaving. This is my decision, and I'm not making it lightly. Who knows?" she added the heartrending smile back in place. "Maybe I will come back someday. If I don't, though, I want all of you to know that you are the bravest, most amazing men and women I have ever worked with, and I can only ever dream of being as great as all of you. You are heroes in more ways than one, and you have my eternal respect and support. Never give up the fight, for any reason, especially because of me. You're made of sterner stuff than I am."

She laughed lightly.

Hollow.

Fake.

She cleared her throat and continued, "It's been an honor serving with you all. Don't bother to look for me. I've been trained by some of the very best. You won't find me. Until we meet again, whenever that may be, I salute you: Justice League and Young Justice." She lifted two fingers to her forehead, smirking. "Black Widow – Black Bat – Heather Parker – out."

The screen went black.

Mount Justice was silent as a tomb while its occupant stood numbly around, unable or unwilling to process the information they'd just had forcefully shoved into their brains. In the end, it was Dick, surprisingly, that reacted first.

With a roar, he smashed a fist into the computer console. "How could she?!" He yelled at no one, "After everything? Does she think this didn't affect all of us? That she's the only one hurting? Gah!" He turned away and stalked angrily back and forth, breathing hard.

"I can't believe she would just… leave," M'gann murmured, looking at the others with tearing eyes.

"We're her friends, didn't that mean anything to her?" Zatanna added. "If she had just reached out to us, we would've helped her – any of us."

"But did any of us really try?" Artemis questioned quietly, leaning into Wally's hold.

The others stared at her, their confusion evident.

"What do you mean?" Wally asked.

"After we all spilled our secrets – Conner's connection to Lex Luthor, M'gann's true form, and my family's dirty history – Heather was there for all of us. She made the effort to reach out to us, and help in any way she could; even if that meant just listening and being there," Artemis shook her head, "I don't know about the rest of you, but when Robin died and Heather began pulling away… I let her. I didn't fight her on it. I didn't push back. I wasn't there, whether she wanted me to be or not. I just let it happen."

"What were we supposed to do? Show up at her house and beat down the door? Force her to spill her guts?" Conner demanded. "How would that have helped?"

"It might have made her realize she wasn't alone in this," Wally replied. "That we were hurting too and she could talk to us. Maybe then –"

"She'd still be here," M'gann finished sadly.

There was another stretch of silence.

"I don't know about the rest of you," Nightwing said finally, his tone still angry, "but I'm not going to take this lying down. I'm going to find Heather and bring her back here – kicking and screaming if necessary." He stomped back to the computer and pulled up a holoscreen, a determined frown on his face.

The others exchanged glances, and eventually, nods.

"We're with you, Dick," Wally said firmly. "I'll run the whole world if I have to."

"College has been so dull lately…" Artemis smirked at the challenge. "I'm in."

"Me too," Conner pledged.

"I would never abandon any of my Earth sisters," Megan smiled.

Zatanna stepped up beside her off-and-on boyfriend, "I know a good tracking spell we can use. Let's find Heather."

Dick spent the next several hours tirelessly searching through all the resources at the Justice League's disposal, and some that technically weren't. Zatanna searched through her spell books and even went as far as asking Jason Blood for advice. The best the magician could come up with though, was a spell that would only work as soon as they had a starting point for the last place someone had seen Heather, and even then the spell wasn't always reliable. It was decided they'd keep it in mind as a backup plan.

Wally, true to his word, had hit the pavement and started searching in the last place they assumed Heather had been seen, New York, starting with her apartment. He reported in a few minutes after arriving at his destination, however, that the apartment was completely empty. A quick chat with Heather's landlord revealed that the arachnid had paid several months of rent in advance, and had promised to keep sending her rent as long as the landlord kept the apartment vacant.

Dick's hacking skills confirmed that Heather had set up an off-shore account which could be accessed from anywhere and the money transferred on time, with no way to track where Heather was when she retrieved the money.

Wally further questioned the landlord and found out some distressing news. Although the message sent to the Watchtower and Mount Justice was received today, Heather had moved out of the apartment a week ago.

"You're telling me we're a week behind her?!" Dick yelled through the link to Kid Flash.

Wally winced and held the earwig further out from his ear by adjusting his cowl. "I'm sorry, Nightwing. She wasn't answering anyone's messages, and it's not like the League was keeping her under surveillance. We couldn't have known she was gone already."

Dick took several deep breaths to calm himself, running both hands through his hair. "Alright," he said at length, his tone and volume much calmer. "Then we start from scratch and we work fast. Heather's smart, maybe smarter than I gave her credit for. If she's been gone a week, the trails already ice cold, but we've worked on slimmer leads. KF, if I know Black Bat, she probably took a cab to wherever she was going next – less traceable than the subway or a town car, and less chance of being caught on cameras walking the streets. Get to the nearest cab station and start asking questions. Show Heather's picture around; maybe someone will remember giving her a lift."

"I'm on it."

"While Kid Flash handles that," Dick turned to the Martian and half Kryptonian, "you two board the bioship and go talk to the Parker's – Spiderman, MJ, Harry and Audrey – one of them might know something."

The two aliens nodded and disappeared, heading towards the hanger. The acrobat turned to the magician and archer. "Artemis, I want you and Zatanna to visit Stark Industries and talk with Tony Stark."

"Heather's civilian boss?" Zatanna's forehead wrinkled. "What help could he be?"

Dick smirked. "You'd be surprised what he may be able to tell you. Take the zeta. There's a location in Times Square, not far from Stark Industries. Keep in touch by comm. link, and hurry."

The archer and magician exchanged looks but turned anyway, following Nightwing's instructions. The zeta illuminated the cave brightly for a moment before dying down again, leaving the former Boy Wonder alone with his thoughts. Though not for very long. The computer suddenly beeped, the automated voice stating: Incoming Transmission.

Despite the current situation, Dick couldn't resist an eye roll. I swear, every time I hear that, I keep waiting for Patrick Stewart to say, 'onscreen'. Shaking his head, he pressed a button on the control panel, and a fresh holoscreen opened next to the others around him.

"Hello? Is zhis zhing on?" a familiar German accent asked.

Dick raised an eyebrow behind his mask. "Kurt?"

The blue mutant moved back from the camera and into focus, relief evident in his yellow eyes that he had managed to get the webcam working and that he'd been connected to Mount Justice. Technology had never been his forte. "Oh, zhank God. Nightving you're exactly the person I vanted to see!"

"Kurt how did you even get this frequency?" Nightwing pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't need this right now.

Nightcrawler had the decency to look a tad embarrassed, "eh, actually, Heazher gave it to me. That's vhy I'm calling you now," he bit his lip, "she… she left me a message. She said she vas leaving and zhat she vas sorry, but she had to go–" Kurt looked away, rubbing his forehead like he had a migraine.

Dick frowned, suddenly understanding. "I'm so sorry Kurt. We just got a message from her ourselves. I've got the team out looking for her but," he hesitated, not wanting to drop any more bad news on his friend, "it looks like she's been gone already for a week now. She must've set up the messages to be sent now, so we'd have a harder time finding her."

Kurt let out a shaky breath, turning back to the screen. "Vhy vould she do zhis to me? I zhought… I zhought ve'd always be togezher. I vas going to…" he sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip again, a habit he'd picked up from his girlfriend. "I guess it doesn't matter now," he muttered hollowly.

"Kurt, don't," Dick sighed, dropping his head down to stare at the console in front of him. He looked back up, shaking his head, "don't do this to yourself. Look, I've got Young Justice on this – we're going to find Heather, and we're going to bring her back. When was the last time you saw her or heard from her, aside from the message you got?"

Kurt rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Um, let me zhink… maybe, eight or nine days ago? I vas in the city, so ve vent out for coffee at her favorite café. She vas so… miserable. It vas hard getting through to her. She kept spacing out, you know?

He paused, a frown wrinkling his forehead, "Zhen, she said, 'I love you, you know that don't you?' Vhen I said zhat yes I did, definitely, she told me, 'if I had to do somezhing zhat vould be hard on both of us, but vould be for the best in the end, vould you hate me for it?'. Vhat vas I to say? Of course I told her I vould understand. Do you – do you zhink zhis is vhat she meant? Leaving me? Leaving everyone?"

Dick glanced away to the frozen image of Heather's message on one of the many holoscreens. "I don't know. What did your message say, exactly? She might've said something to you that could give us a clue where she was going."

Nightcrawler shrugged listlessly, "I suppose. I'll forward zhe message to you. And Nightving?" He waited until the vigilante made eye contact with him once more, "call me if you hear anyzhing. She's zhe love of my life. Vizhout her… I'm lost."

Dick nodded glumly, "yeah, me too, buddy. Me too. I promise to keep you in the loop."

"Zhanks Nightving," Kurt replied gloomily before cutting the transmission.

Alone once more, Dick turned back to the last known image of his long-time friend, tears sparkling in her eyes as she said goodbye one last time. He'd known she was hurting. He'd understood that; hell, he was still grieving himself. But why would she isolate herself like this? Why would she run away without a word? What would possess her to leave behind everything she'd known and everyone she loved? Including Kurt – the man she'd once confessed to loving more than her own life.

"There's a lot of things I've never understood about you Heather," Dick thought aloud, "but one thing that was always clear, you valued your duty, your family and your friends above all others – even yourself. You're a lot of things. You're smart, clever, kind, free spirited. I never thought one of those things would be a coward."

AN: Yeah, it's a short one this week, but at least it's an update. For those who are probably wondering, this would fall into the timeline after "Jason, Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" and before "Pancakes". I figured if my last chapter gave you all cavities, we'd balance that out with some angst and depression! Sometimes, I swear, my writing is a little on the bipolar side lol Anyway, as always thanks for reading! Please leave any comments, questions, concerns, rants, fangirling, etc, in the box below, or send me a PM. I'm always open for chatting :) Have a great week, guys!