SUGGESTED LISTENING: "WAVING MY DICK IN THE WIND" BY WEEN
The battle to end all battles — the one to decide the fate of the age — is at last about to begin. Will Donald Trump be able to raise an army to come to Sonic's aid, or are the Neo Biker Brethren doomed to die along with him?
"It's been a long time, Donald Trump-san. Has the heavenly golden dragon finally decided to return to his nest?" A man swaddled in a black cloak asked in a throaty grumble. He sat comfortably atop a mountain of gold, a treasure trove so absurdly vast that it could have only been accumulated from the spoils of hundreds of years of war. Charred corpses were piled high beneath his feet, surely the remains of thieves that had tried to plunder his awesome wealth and had paid the ultimate price for their avarice.
The man tore the cloak obscuring his body asunder, revealing the crimson scales that emblazoned his otherwise human form and the pair of frayed wings upon his back. He widened his draconic eyes to stare deep into Donald Trump's soul, but the president remained undaunted. For Trump, the secret behind this great wyrm's heritage was clear: he was a dragonborn, a person born from the unholy union of man and flaming fuckbeast.
Trump lowered his gaze and chuckled, "We meet again, Kanye West. I'm glad to see that your dragon energy hasn't dulled over the years. As much as I'd love to catch up with the man who trained me in the ways of the warrior, I'm afraid that I have no time for such pleasantries. I've come here to ask for your aid. The greatest war in the history of the Americaverse is about to begin, and I am trying to raise an army to fight for my cause. Will you lend me your strength once more, master?"
"Enough talk. We may be sworn brothers, but I shall not lend my godly strength to a man who has chosen to hide from his own heritage. Prove to me that you are still worthy of my respect, Trump! Show me your dragon energy!" Kanye responded with a snarl. He spread his wings and lunged at Trump, his fangs poised to dig into his unsullied flesh. The president dove for cover at the last second and rolled to safety. Thinking quickly, Donald produced a ball of fire in the palms of his hands at launched it at Kanye.
The rapper dissolved his meager attack with his dragon breath, drowning his paltry flame with a mighty conflagration of red, white, and blue fire. The two flame-wielding warlords rushed at each other and began to furiously trade blows. Trump was able to hold his own thanks to the powers of his Patriotic Drive, but Kanye overwhelmed him with several lightning-fast slashes from his talons.
Trump laid flat on his back, badly beaten and barely able to stand. But before Kanye could move in for the kill, an inferno of white-hot flames erupted outwards from Trump's body. A pair of golden wings and a saurian tail burst out from his stylish suit, completing Donald Trump's transformation into his dragonborn state. Kanye West held his ground to admire his apprentice's transformed appearance.
"Ah, I see. So the blood of the great wyrms of old still courses through your veins after all. I'll never understand why you, a child born from the passionate romance of man and dragon, chose to discard his draconic heritage and embrace his human side. You could become so much more if you embraced the beast within as I have! Why did you give all of that up to live amongst the mortals?" Kanye asked.
Trump shook his head, "I do not resent my heritage. But unlike you, I do not wish to reject my humanity. I have seen the beauty of the Americans and their way of life. There is grace to them, even in their failings. There was once a time where I was merely satisfied with burning their world to ash for my own amusement. But after getting married, fighting in the Communist Wars, and devoting myself to the noble cause of another, I've come to realize that some among their race are indeed worthy of my respect. I truly believe that saving America is a cause worth dying for."
"They're doomed to die. In the end, only we dragonborn are strong enough to survive the coming calamity. Will you still follow them even if it's to their graves?" Kanye questioned. Trump smiled, "Perhaps they are doomed. But whether they live or die is none of my concern. I merely wish to stand by their side right up until the end. So, I must ask: will you help me fight for them?"
Donald Trump was born in the first age of the Americaverse to Rick Sanchez and Quetzalcoatl, a human and an Aztec dragon goddess respectively. His parents were slain by Communist soldiers early in his life, leaving Trump to fend for himself. He wandered the galaxy for 1,488 years searching for a purpose and a place to call home. To that end, he became the apprentice of Kanye West, a fellow dragonborn, and was taught the arcane arts of the dragon clan.
However, everything changed for Trump when he fell in love with Tomoko Kuroki, a fellow human. He abandoned both his master and his draconic abilities in order to live amongst mortal men. The only part of his old life that he retained were his pyrokinetic powers, which Dr. Mengele would later enhance with cybernetic technology. But for the sake of the American warlord who he had devoted his life to serving, Trump was willing to abandon even his cherished humanity to gain the strength needed to save him.
Yeezy eventually relented and shook Trump's outstretched hand. Although he still could not comprehend his apprentice's love for a race that he had deemed to be inferior, he was determined to help him fight even if it cost him his life. "Let's roll, Trump-san. It's time to make Columbine look like a fucking joke," Kanye West chuckled, loading his shotgun.
With the first member of his army now recruited, Trump mounted his Harley Davidson™ motorcycle and departed for the uncharted depths of American space in search of more allies.