Regina & Cora
Regina: You are dead to me.
Cora: What art thee talking about issue?
Regina: What?
Cora: What is thy problem, child?
Regina: My problem is Mrs. Applebottom!
Cora: Oh, so that gent toldeth thee about our little arrangement?
Regina: Yes he did! How could you, mother?!
Cora: I wast only putting thy best interest first. Thee didn't has't many friends so I hadst that gent doth that to keepeth thee entertained.
Regina: Mother, what in the hell are you saying? I'm telling you now, I'm not in any mood for games, I am agitated beyond belief. I have a rebellious son, a coo-coo bird for a mother, a sheriff with an idiotic addiction to cookies that keeps seeming to interfere with her job and on top of that, I'm finding out things I'd rather NOT know about my past.
Cora: Lief, pop a xanax and relax. Knowing that twas that gent changeth nothing about the excit'ment thee hadst. Doest t? And as for the knave, I'll handle that gent and the little wench. Those gents won't best seeing each other anytime soon.
Regina: I'm taking two. And when you stop speaking in Shakespearean, you and I will need to have a serious conversation.
Cora: Oh aye, I has't some things to discuss with thee as well. Mainly about our family.
Regina: Yes. We have A LOT to discuss. I know why you went to Rumple in the first place. Mother, all you had to do was ask and I would've told you the answer.
Cora: What doth thee mean?
Regina: Lily. Yeah, she's not my daughter.
Cora: Thou art joking, right?
Regina: No mother, as funny as it would be, I'm not.
Cora: I AM GOING TO SKIN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ALIVE AND WATCH YOU BLEED.
Regina: Welcome back, fusty wench.
Neal & Hook
Neal: Did you pick the movie for tonight?
Hook: Aye. You get the rum?
Neal: Did you forget who I was?
Hook: Not in the least bit.
Neal: Now remember, there will be no screaming at the scary parts.
Hook: Mate, compared to all the things I've seen in my lifetime, a mere movie couldn't scare me.
Neal: That's what you said last time when we were watching Insidious and you ended up screaming every fifteen minutes.
Hook: THAT LADY LOOKED LIKE CORA DAMNIT
Neal: Yeah, that was a bit freaky. But that's beside the point. I am not going to be staying up all night with you because you're scared of having nightmares.
Hook: I was not scared. Merely concerned.
Neal: Henry watched the movie and didn't even flinch.
Hook: I would expect nothing less from the child of the Evil Queen and grandson of the Dark One and Queen of Hearts.
Neal: …Anyways. Care to make a friendly wager that you'll get scared?
Hook: You and I both know who's the better gambler here.
Neal: Then put you money where your mouth is.
Hook: Oh no, not money. Something far more sacred.
Neal: What then?
Hook: A dare. Whomever loses has to do whatever dare the winner comes up with. No exceptions.
Neal: Alright, deal.
Hook: Get ready to lose, mate.
Neal: I'm already plotting the dare you're going to be doing when YOU lose. I hope you like lace.
Unknown Number & Emma
UN: Evening sheriff.
Emma: Who is this?
UN: Everyone and no one.
Emma: If this is Regina, I'm not finding this funny.
UN: I don't recall cracking a joke.
Emma: Cora?
UN: Oh God no.
Emma: WHO ARE YOU?
UN: Is everyone in this town borderline stupid?
Emma: With the exception of a few, probably.
UN: Trust me, you aren't one of the exceptions.
Emma: ...I can and will kick your ass.
UN: Oh really? And just how will you do that when you don't even know who I am?
Emma: I'll...I'll get Regina to help.
UN: Not if I tell her what you did last week.
Emma: How did you know?!
UN: I have eyes and ears everywhere. I see all. I hear all.
Emma: Look, I don't know what game you're playing at but I'm not interested.
UN: Oh but I think you are. See, because if you don't play, I'm going to be delving out information on some of Emma Swan's most private moments.
Emma: What. Do. You. Want. From. Me. Asshole.
UN: I'm so glad you asked. I need some assistance with something. The details aren't vital right now. All you need to know is to be at the Troll Bridge at 8 a.m. sharp tomorrow morning.
Emma: And I'm assuming you won't be showing me who you are anytime soon.
UN: Perhaps you are one of the exceptions after all, Sheriff. Sweet dreams.
Emma: I need a new number.
Maleficent & Regina
Maleficent: Did everything go according to plan?
Regina: Yes. For now, at least. There's not telling how long it will last though.
Maleficent: Unfortunately your mother is a very stubborn woman. I wouldn't be surprised if she found out you were lying before the week is over.
Regina: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But for now, I want to focus on you and Lily. Is everything alright?
Maleficent: Somewhat. I told her everything that happened. You can imagine the disgust she had when I gave the details about the sex.
Regina: ...Why on earth would you do that?!
Maleficent: I was trying to be educational!
Regina: Haven't even had the child for a month and she's already scarred.
Maleficent: She'll get over it. I needed her to know the different types of sex we can have as dragons and humans.
Regina: No need to go into details with me. I'm well aware of all that can be done.
Maleficent: Not all, dear.
Regina: Oh? Were you holding out on me?
Maleficent: I just didn't want to do something you couldn't handle.
Regina: Is that so? And here I thought I was an experienced dragon-tamer.
Maleficent: Hardly. Besides, after 30 years I'm sure your skills are rusty.
Regina: Care to bet on that?
Maleficent: With pleasure.
Regina: Remember when you lose that you asked for this.
Maleficent: We both know I never lose.