A/N- Hey all, this is a longish and important chapter in the story. I kept going back and changing bits and pieces and I think I could go on doing that forever so I am just posting. Hope it came off alright. x
Ashby 37
"Can I suggest everyone calms down and hears what I have to say please!" Announced Dr Philip Rawlinson as masterfully as he could manage on leaving Maura's bed chamber, only to be inundated with questions from the anxiously waiting ensemble.
"How is she Doctor?" Jane demanded impatiently.
"How is the baby?" Dawson shot.
"Let the man speak!" Lord Ashby thundered over the now glowering pair.
"Lady Maura is comfortable and well, the most difficult part of my task was to convince her to remain in bed rather than come out and tell you that herself." Dr Rawlinson said kindly.
Jane felt a rush of relief and her mother put a comforting hand upon Jane's shoulder.
"And the child?" Dawson repeated. "Is the child well?"
"Everything seems to be well with the baby, there is a normal heartbeat and some movement. There is no reason to think that the baby is in any danger." The Doctor assured.
Dawson nodded. "Good, good. And she will be well enough to continue to carry it?"
"I believe so Mr Dawson. " The Doctor replied a little coldly.
"Then why did she faint?" Asked Jane. "She has never fainted before, what caused it?" Jane pressed on.
Lord Ashby frowned at Jane, then at the Doctor as he waited for his reply.
" In all probability she merely over exerted herself, she informed me that she hadn't eaten much today and she had been busy in meetings. I expect her to get some rest and ensure she eats. I am going to run a couple of tests; a precautionary measure and I will keep a close eye on her." Rawlinson summed up.
Jane did not look completely satisfied with this but held her tongue for now.
"You can come in and see her now but I would like her to get some rest and remain calm." Dr Rawlinson said firmly.
Dawson turned and left the corridor, heading back through the house to his own rooms without seeing his wife. Lord Ashby looked perplexed as he watched him go, but quickly put that aside as he filed into Maura's room behind the Doctor and Jane. Angela remained just outside to wait for Jane to return.
"Let her know I am glad she is alright." Angela said at Jane's elbow, to which she received a fleeting nod, concern still written in Jane's face.
Maura was sitting up in her bed, several pillows stacked up behind her and a tired smile on her face as she received her visitors. Jane came to sit close beside her on the bed, taking her hands in her own and not thinking to check her own behaviour.
"Maura, you scared me." Jane admitted. "Don't ever do that again." She rushed on.
Maura smiled affectionately. "Of course not." She agreed and her eyes lingered on Jane's for a moment longer before switching her attention to her Father, who shifted uncomfortably at the foot of her bed.
"Papa, do not look so worried, I simply fainted, young ladies across England are fainting all the time, it is quite the done thing." Maura said cheerfully.
"And you are sure you feel alright?" Lord Ashby asked, looking at Maura suspiciously.
"Of course!" Maura insisted with a dismissive swipe of a hand through the air.
"Should I call in my own Doctor? or an obstetrician? perhaps we should get a second opinion. I still have the details of several of the best men who attended your Mother." Lord Ashby said with a quick guilty glance in Dr Rawlinson's direction.
"No need Papa. I have complete faith in Dr Rawlinson, he will take perfectly good care of me, have no doubt of that." Maura smiled gratefully at her fully recovered friend and Physician, who returned her smile with one equally as grateful.
Lord Ashby nodded and came around to the opposite side of the bed to Jane. "I am pleased that you are well Maura, but please do not put on a brave face for me, if you really are unwell you must say so. You promise?" Her father entreated.
Maura was touched by how shaken up her Father seemed to be and nodded her head obediently. "I promise."
"I should let you rest." He said tenderly. Shooting Jane a meaningful look, which she pretended not to notice.
Lord Ashby backed out of the room and a silent minute later Dr Rawlinson discreetly left his patient and her companion alone.
Jane wrapped Maura in an embrace and showered her with small haphazard kisses. "I was so worried Maura. I couldn't believe it when I saw him carrying you inside." Jane closed her eyes against the memory.
Maura's brow wrinkled. "I feel so foolish, causing so much fuss. I really do feel much better Jane, I swear it."
"Well, I intend to keep you that way, I should have been taking better care of you and I shall from now on." Jane vowed, tucking the covers more securely around the petite woman in the bed as if to begin right away.
Maura placed a hand to Jane's cheek. "I am tired darling." She began softly. " And if you're going to be really vigilant perhaps you will need to get in here beside me." Maura suggested, pulling back the covers at one corner and patting a hand upon the mattress.
Jane looked suspicious but couldn't find any real reason not to join Maura and she really did feel the need to keep her close.
"I shall go and tell my mother that your alright and let Dr Rawlinson go and I'll be back." Jane said and Maura smiled contentedly as she watched her leave.
xxxxxx
"She hasn't left her room in three days Doctor. Has something more happened? the tests you were doing? the results were all normal weren't they?" Jane continued to badger the young Doctor, having cornered him following his now routine early morning visit to Ashby.
"Ms Rizzoli...Jane, you know I am not at liberty to discuss Lady Maura's health with you, if you have questions you must take them up with the Lady directly." Rawlinson said patiently, already becoming accustomed to Jane's well meaning interrogations.
Jane had known he would respond this way and that speaking frankly to Maura was really her only option, she also knew that Maura could not lie and would therefore be forced to give Jane the truth. However, Maura had been so evasive when Jane made any attempt to question her on her state of health and Jane had thus far resisted her natural urge to push. Jane wanted to respect Maura's wishes, even if that wish was to keep something from Jane, after all; Jane had her own secrets. Yet Jane found this becoming more difficult as Maura had seemed to sink into a state of exhaustion and the more she rested, the worse it seemed to get.
"I know that Dr Rawlinson, but can't you give me the slightest indication? She seems worse, weaker." Jane persisted, following close behind the man as he made his way down the long winding staircase.
"I am not overly concerned, rest is good for the pregnancy and for her, she is choosing to be cautious. Now, for anything more; you must really speak with her." He repeated as he paused on the stairs.
Jane nodded reluctantly and abandoned her pursuit, pulling herself back along the hand rail as she made her way again, plodding up the stairs.
xxxxx
Jane entered Maura's bed chamber, normally this would cause a ripple of excitement within Jane but over the last week it had begun to stir different and unpleasant emotions inside her.
Maura lay, eyes closed but with a book in her hand, she stirred from her dozing as Nathaniel called out her name and rushed to the bedside. The young boy could hardly see over the edge of the plump, high bed and Maura looked helplessly to Jane who quickly came to the pair's aid and lifted Nathaniel up to sit beside Maura, who instantly folded the boy into her arms.
"Oh, it is so good to see you my darling." Maura mumbled against the boys head as she breathed him in.
Jane had decided not to bring the boy to see Maura for the first few days that she had confined herself to her bed, in the fear that it may spark some distant subconscious memory of his mothers illness and cause him unnecessary distress. However, since Maura made no sign that she would be leaving her room soon and being that Nathaniel's "Where Maurma?" had gotten more and more persistent, Jane realised she may do more damage by keeping the two apart.
"I think you have grown even in the last few days my dear." Maura spoke directly to Nathaniel, fussing with his hair and clothes and pointedly avoiding Jane's watchful gaze.
Jane took slow and careful steps around the bed, arms folded defensively, head low but watching Maura thoughtfully. Jane felt like something rotten was festering inside her and she was desperately trying to contain it, she sighed deeply and Maura glanced across at her guiltily.
"What plans do you have for today?" Maura tried a jolly tone that sounded forced to Jane.
"We thought perhaps you would care to join us outside today? It's a mild day and we could sit in the rose garden." The rose garden was quiet and secluded and one of Maura's favourite hideaways. "Nathaniel has some chalks and a chalkboard he would like to show you." Jane attempted a similarly cheerful tone.
Maura's mask fell and she frowned deeply. "Not today Jane, I had a restless night, I may try and sleep a little more."
Jane hadn't stayed with Maura last night, she had needed to get some space to think and she felt a rising resentment that she wanted to hide from Maura. Jane felt like Maura wasn't really trying to feel well; to carry on, and she was angry with her about it. Jane turned her back on Maura, pacing around the bed again with another deep sigh.
"If you insist on staying in bed all day, you will find it difficult to sleep at night." Jane shot.
"Jane, in my condition it is quite normal to spend some time resting leading up to the birth, we have gone over this." Maura said wearily.
"Yes but you went from one day being completely active to fainting and never leaving your room, and there are weeks before the baby is due, are you telling me you are going to remain in bed for all that time? " Jane entreated.
"I am not sure how I might feel tomorrow or the day after. The various fortune telling practices have no significant scientific support and I still believe it is quite impossible to predict future events or feelings." Maura replied distractedly, whilst playing along with a game of peekaboo with Nathaniel.
Jane dropped the subject for the time being and turned her back on Maura, choosing instead to wander to the window and gaze thoughtfully out of it, not really taking in the view of the estate from here.
Later, Jane remained sulky and quiet and sat in the chair that Lord Ashby often used when he came to speak with his daughter. It was just far away enough that they each could maintain their dignity but close enough to easily converse. Nathaniel was curled into a ball in Maura's lap, much in the same way that Jo Friday often slept and Jane spoke quietly.
"Dawson has been meeting with the boy every afternoon and taking him on a walk about the estate. Vincent said he has taken him up to stables a couple of times." Jane told Maura now.
"Have you seen them together? How does Nathaniel seem to respond to him? He isn't scared or upset?" Maura asked anxiously, placing a hand possessively over the boy bundle.
"No, nothing like it. He seems to like him. I think Dawson must be kind to him, Nathaniel seems at ease around him." Jane admitted, shaking her head slowly back and forth." I just can't fathom whether his interest is genuine or if he is up to something. "
"I think we both struggle to remain objective when it comes to Dawson ...and the bond between men and their offspring is said to be inexplicably strong. Perhaps he has decided he wishes to honour his responsibilities in some way." Maura suggested.
"Perhaps. " Jane reluctantly agreed.
"There are many well known cases of men who have felt a strong obligation and even affection for their illegitimate children. Henry VIII openly acknowledged his only son Henry Fitzroy who was brought up in remarkable style and comfort and even raised to peerage, being given the highest rank of a Dukedom. The surname Fitzroy actually meant king's son and was applied to many of the royal bastards."
Jane could'nt help but smile as she listened to Maura, she sounded more herself than she had in days and Jane could almost forget the rest. Maura rolled her eyes as she realised she was being humoured and returned Jane's genuine smile.
"Maura. We need to have this conversation. You need to tell me what is going on here." Jane had slipped out of her chair and come to kneel beside the bed, reaching for Maura's hand and clasping it in her own.
Maura nodded solemnly, knowing Jane was right; she couldn't remain in her bed for the next three or four weeks and expect Jane not to ask questions.
"I am just being careful Jane, cautious." Maura shrugged. "The fact that I collapsed, in itself is nothing to be concerned about and yet ...well, Dr Rawlinson and I have been studying the research on hereditary infertility and some of the evidence suggests that in cases of uterine malformation, which we suspect my mother may have suffered from, a link may exist... that is to say...I may have inherited some of her difficulties. "
Jane wasn't really shocked by this, it had crossed her mind a number of times since she had discovered Maura's condition. "But you can't really know that? No one can really know."
"The research is limited and it is difficult to ascertain a true picture being that Dr Rawlinson did not attend my mother and I have only very personal memories of her experiences. "Maura admitted.
" And the Doc thinks that you need to rest?" Jane asked, looking up at Maura fearfully.
"No. He hasn't ordered it. Philip is very optimistic about my prognosis." Jane looked confused. "It is just that...I hate to admit this to you Jane ...you are always so strong." Maura caressed the line of Jane's jaw with her fingers. "I am so terribly afraid! " Maura confessed, as her eyes filled with tears and her hands began to tremble uncontrollably.
Jane gazed at Maura with a sympathetically sad smile, rising to sit beside Maura now and offer her body as comfort, wrapping an arm around her love. Careful not to disturb the still sleeping boy in her lap. Jane kissed Maura's forehead.
"Why didn't you tell me this? I don't think any less of you for being afraid." Jane said softly.
"It was more than that Jane, you alone do not hold the monopoly on trying to protect those that you love." Maura informed. "And you cannot just fix this or take it away."
"I know that, I'm sorry. But if you are worried I know it, I feel it too." Jane explained. "And really Maura I am constantly afraid! of losing you, of not being able to protect you, Nathan and the new baby!" Jane placed a hand protectively over Maura's bump. "I understand. "
"Oh Jane!" Maura kissed her on the lips now as her own tears finally fell in a kind of release. "I am not scared of dying, I just want to be strong enough to have this child and I want you and Nathaniel so much, I think perhaps I want too much. I can't possibly have it all! I saw what wanting did to my mother. More than anything she wanted something she just couldn't have and that is what killed her in the end." Maura looked like a frightened child, as if the mention of her mother had taken her back there.
"Maura, I am not ready to lose you yet so we just have to get you through this, you are not your mother and Doctor Rawlinson isn't worried? right?" Jane said, double checking.
"No and I do trust him, I admit some of my fear may be misplaced, I can't explain it." Maura looked genuinely puzzled.
"Well I promise not to try and fix it if you agree not to shut me out again." Jane offered.
Maura nodded and a sob rose up in her as she threw herself more fully into Jane's arms.
xxxxxxxxx
As the early morning hour tipped over into full blown daylight, Jane left Maura sleeping and carefully made her way out of her rooms. Jane had spent most of the night talking with Maura and she felt they had resolved the tension that had built up over the last week. When the talking was over they had spent the night wrapped in each others arms and Jane was hardly feeling rested as she edged her way through the door out on to the large landing.
As Jane turned in the doorway she felt the presence before she saw him. Dawson, sitting in a wooden seat against the opposite wall. He was dressed in his clothes from the night before, though he had removed his dinner jacket and popped open some of the buttons on his crumpled shirt. As he straightened in his seat Jane caught the strong smell of alcohol mixed with cigar smoke lingering in the air around him.
Jane stood tall and silent, thankful that she was wearing a robe over her light night dress. It was a robe that Maura had given her, and Jane loved, it having been made from a good thickly lined silk with a bold print, very unlike the more flimsy and frilly floral garments typical for women and more like a long smoking jacket.
"I had wondered just how far this infatuation had gone, how close a special friendship you and my wife actually had. I have heard of the like of course but who really knows when it comes to you women?" Dawson shrugged and slurred his words a little. "I could see the nature of your interest at once of course, but Ladies such as Maura have been known to toy with the affections of more than merely men." He chuckled to himself.
"What concern is it of yours?" Jane spat impatiently.
"Indeed, as long as you are discreet, it concerns me very little." He shrugged nonchalantly again.
"So what is it you want from me?" Jane asked simply.
Dawson grinned widely. "Jane really? Must I want anything? perhaps I am just an old romantic who doesn't wish to come between two lovers?"
"Really?" Jane posed sardonically.
Dawson chuckled. "Of course not. You probably know me better than that." more slightly sinister chuckling ensued. "I want an heir, always have. The wife is really just a means to an end. I am actually pleased you brought my bastard here Jane, I am more of a family man than you would credit me with."
"Seems that I have done you a great service then."Jane remarked slyly.
"Oh, more than one! after all the care you take to keep my wife happy." Dawson teased.
"Yet, I have spent many a moment wondering just why you brought him here."
"Perhaps because it was the right thing to do. Did you care even a little for his mother?" Jane's voice was dripping with contempt.
Dawson glanced at the floor, it was brief but Jane didn't miss the sign, was it shame, regret, loss? And then he was back, leering at her.
"No, I believe I figured out what you are made of Ms Rizzoli. You want what is mine, first my wife and now my son, things you are incapable of having for yourself." Dawson could see the first chink in Jane's armour and had prepared to exploit it.
The words hit Jane keenly, he had touched on some part held within her. She detested the fact that this man had obtained so easily and tossed aside so carelessly the people she treasured most. Jane didn't speak, but held her ground.
"But now the issue of the heir apparent. I am happy for Nathaniel to grow up here but of course he cannot possibly inherit. Maura needs to give me a son for that." Dawson said reasonably.
"She can't exactly guarantee the gender of the child." Jane sneered. "You get what you're given."
"Quite. Which is why if she doesn't give me a boy this time she will have to try again, until she does." Dawson announced calmly.
"She won't do that. Aside from anything else, her health may not allow it, its certainly not a risk she will take to pacify you." Jane said certainly.
"Oh she will. I can be persuasive and she will do her wifely duty. When I get what I want you are welcome to her Ms Rizzoli, but I will get what I want." Dawson smiled like a fox to a chicken, but Jane Rizzoli was not shaken and she closed the gap between them.
"You are mistaken if you think you can threaten or intimidate me or those I love." Jane said in a low tone through gritted teeth. "I have at my disposal the means to destroy you Dawson, please give me a reason to do it."
Dawson gave her a disbelieving look but swallowed stiffly, a crack appearing in his confident composure.
"You couldn't use the boy to damage me now Ms Rizzoli, Lady Maura is too attached to him, anything you do could only hurt her, which we both know you are loathe to do." He smiled lazily.
Jane smiled even wider. "I am not referring to Nathaniel, Dawson." Jane paused to allow her words to sink in. "I intend to hit you where it would really hurt, what do you really care about? the only thing you have that has ever given you any power. Money! Your business." Jane beamed confidently at him.
Dawson's brow creased and he swallowed hard again, breaking away from Jane's stare. "What exactly do you think you know that could damage my business? "
"Enough." Jane grinned and turned to leave. Behind her Maura's new maid approached with a pile of newly laundered clothes, her head peeping curiously over the top. "Good morning Miss Gregory. " Jane called cheerfully as she moved off, leaving both maid and master gaping after her.
xxxxxx
A/N- Just thought I would mention that you can all vote over at the Rizzlesfan awards for this fic and many excellent others, I am just heading over to vote for my faves! There are some amazing ones this time around. Thank you again Dustyroad for the nomination. Hope all are having some fun in the sun this weekend! I have some summer themed drabbles I hope to post before the new season so look out for those. Please review as always, your opinion matters a great deal to me. xxxx