A/N Hey guys!
I hope you're all well :-)
I apologise for the long wait. My best friend got married and I've been really busy with the wedding, etc. Also, I started working so my weeks have been super busy. I don't want to promise a set day to update when I am unsure about my schedule. Like I said, we can expect another four chapters but if you all feel that this story deserves to continue, I can have a word with my imagination. This chapter was originally completely different, I changed alot around and shortened it abit. If there are any questions, please feel free to ask me or message me at any time :-)
Thank you to those who have continued to read this fic and to those who show concern :-) Unfortunately, this chapter is un-beta'd, but I tried to be as clear as possible. It is the festive season and it's summer in South Africa, so for the month of December I will be quite busy. However, I will update as much as I can. Thank you so much. Please don't forget to share your thoughts.
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
Chapter 36
BPOV
With bright lights, head spins, dry throats and everything that is aching, I am startled.
Vivid images of an unfamiliar place knock me back into consciousness. Because where am I?
Beep, beep, beep, is not the sound I am familiar with when waking up. Before I have time to panic, soothing hands hold me down.
"It's okay. Just relax. Doctor Jackson is on his way."
"Wha…what?" I mean to ask, but I cannot seem to speak. Not a word and not a sound is able to escape my dry mouth.
The last thing I can remember is driving home…from him. From Charlie. And just like that, I am alone and confused in white sheets and hospital robes.
Everything around me begins to spin. I am dying for just a drop of water but I cannot sound my needs. And then I kinda-sorter-definitely remember what had happened.
Because today isn't Saturday and everything is moving around me.
BLANK.
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"Baby…Oh my God. You're back…You're back." Rene's voice, hands and face is the only thing I can comprehend. The woman who raised me is crying before my eyes and I don't understand why.
"Mom?" I ask dryly, blinking one-two-three.
Rene giggles, touching me around my face and kissing me from cheek to cheek asking, "how are you feeling, Baby?"
To be honest, I feel like shit. My legs hurt, I am hungry as hell and my bladder feels like it is about to explode. Moving just an inch, I experience a sharp pain on the left side of my back. Rene's kisses kinda hurt my face, but I won't complain. Instead, I try to smile and whisper, "I am fine thank you." My throat, groggy-scratchy-hurting, is an unfamiliar feeling to my senses.
A guy walks up to the side of the bed and he's all kinds of professional looking with his white coat and stethoscope. He's the ideal cliché of every doctor.
"Isabella. I am Doctor Jackson," Professional guy introduces. He displays a comforting smile and begins to tap on the machines that are positioned next to the bed. "How are you feeling? I'm glad to see that you're awake."
Swallowing deeply and absorbing my surroundings, I begin to place the pieces of my living, breathing puzzle.
"Okay…" I mumble, searching my environment to make sure I am not dreaming. With smiles from three sets of eyes, I feel pain in combination with relief.
"Oh Pipes…you would never imagine how long I've been waiting for this!" Rene continues to fiddle around my body like I am going to disappear.
Doctor Jackson reappears and begins to explain to me why I am where I am. I somehow manage to block everything out of my awareness and instead, I stare at the white curtain that blocks me from reality. Stethoscope dude is shining torches in my face and checking my vitals without my actual permission.
After asking me to repeat a few words and to answer a couple of questions, he begins to explain my current condition. Apparently I have been in a coma for quite some time while the world continued to pass by. Doctor Jackson goes on and on but my eyes keep staring at the curtain blocking the door.
Because why isn't my boy here? I need him.
I want to yell at stethoscope dude and tell him the shut the hell up.
I won't.
The truth is I know exactly what happened to me. The night of the sports rally is playing in my mind clearer than ever. Unfortunately, so are images of Charlie's smug face. Whoever said rejection is sweet deserves the ultimate jab.
But I nod anyway and then shut my eyes while waiting for the docs final words.
He concludes in a comforting tone and says, "perfect. Now I would like you to just relax. You're still extremely weak so do not strain yourself. And by that I mean, just relax, Isabella."
Sighing, I squeeze the electric cord tightly between my knuckles, blinking back tears. I don't want to remember what had happened that night but my thoughts are continuously intruded by bright head lights. In the back of mind, I can hear Doctor Jackson communicating with the nurse on shift. He's all kinds of, "Isabella's oculocephalic response appears normal."
Rene keeps brushing the hair out of my face but all I want to do is drift off into a deep sleep. Again, I think I black out because when I wake up it is nearing dark outside, or maybe it always was.
"Hey Baby." Rene's soothing-nurturing voice is all kinds of new to me.
Clearing my throat, I whisper, "please don't mention anything about the accident."
"Okay Bella." Mom begins to cry again. "Should I call him? Edward…"
Edward.
Hearing his name out loud, I realise he is the one person I need to see. I didn't forget…I didn't ever want to leave. Hoping he doesn't hate me after what I have put him though, I swallow deeply and begin to cry. Because where is boy?
"Oh, Pipes. Don't worry. Edward has been here every single day. The boy doesn't leave unless he has to. Can you believe he was nearly kicked out of the hospital because he kept sneaking in at night?"
Without even knowing it, my cries are replaced with laughter. Because love didn't leave. He waited-stayed-remained.
"Don't call him. He will visit when he can." I whisper in between goofy giggles. I feel embarrassed because I cannot stop myself from laughing.
"Why are you laughing like that?" Rene's concerned smile needs answers.
"I'm alive." I respond without a doubt. I am also happy because Edward waited when he had every reason to move on. I won't say that though.
During that time, Doctor Jackson appears again. He injects me with some medication which I forgot the name of, and he tells me that if I begin to feel itchy, it is a positive sign. The pain in my lower back remains and they refuse to allow me to sit up. I am aware that I have urinating tubes and I probably look like hell itself, but that doesn't matter.
Because I am breathing and my heart keeps beating.
I am confused about times and where I am, but everyone assures me that it's okay to feel abit mixed up. The dryness in my throat persists, and the nurse allows me to take tiny sips of water from a straw. Rene walks out of the room and remains in the hallway for a long time discussing things without my presence.
After she returns, the nurse brings along a tray with mushy food. My mom insists that she feeds me because my body is too weak.
"Bella, you need to take small spoons."
"No, I feel like such a baby." I whisper.
"It's so good to have you back." My mom cries, cries and cries some more. "I sent Ally a text to tell her that you're awake."
"Why? I don't wanna see anyone right now Mom."
Truth.
"So many people are concerned about you. But don't worry about that right now okay?" Mom assures, lifting the spoon to meet my mouth. Ofcourse, spoon-feeder messes the mushy food all over my hospital robe. Rene immediately jumps up, searching for a cloth to wipe up the mess. I lay helpless, too weak to move and too tired to care.
But apart from that, my heart beat, beat, beats.
Because I can feel him.
And before I can so much as blink, green eyes stare from across the room. Shocked-terrified-relieved, my boy looks like he has been to hell and back. Edward stands with his phone in his hand and a candy stick in his mouth. He is wearing soccer shorts with grass stains. His soccer socks meet his knees with a hoody that displays Treehaven High across the chest.
I thought I was alive five minutes ago. Now? Now I can finally live.
Because I am zero seconds away from loving Edward Cullen.
So smiling at the boy who was always supposed to be mine, I whisper, "Edward?"
The plop-plop of iPhones hitting the floor, with shaking hands and deeps breaths, I know he needed this. Edward needed me back because he couldn't handle being without me.
I want Rene to leave. I want everything to just stand still as I absorb this moment when brown meets green forever.
"B…Bella?" Edward mutters as he stalks one-two-three towards the bed.
I smile, smile and smile some more, until all I smell is grass-gym and love.
This boy, without saying anything, forcefully rubs his tear filled eyes as he meets me lying high and dry between four corners. Rene clears her throat and is all kinds of, "I'll give you a moment." As she exits the room, she clutches Edward into an embrace and I wonder if this accident has brought them closer.
Once life-giver is a no show, I immediately reach out and grab my boy's hand, ignoring the pain that I am feeling. The beep-beep-beep of the heart rate monitor reveals the excitement he brings to my life.
Edward lifts up my hand and brings it to his lips. He cries, sniffs and then closes his eyes.
"Don't ever leave me alone in this world again, Bella," is the second thing he ever says to me.
I nod, unable to speak because of this precious moment. I close my eyes with my hands entwined in my golden boys hold. Edward takes a seat on the chair beside the bed and places his head next to my shoulder, never letting go.
"I'm so sorry." I whisper, beginning to cry again. For the first time in a long term, these tears are induced by happiness.
"No…don't ever be sorry." Edward wipes my tears as he kisses me all around my face. His eyes never leave my own. Gone are secrets and surprises. I realise that a love this strong was never supposed to be hidden from the world.
"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned about my boys weak demeanour.
"Yes. I am so fucking happy right now. Look?" Edward lifts up his hand. "My hands are even shaking. God, I missed you."
"Can we be happy now? Can you forget that I ever wanted time apart?" I plead.
"Ofcourse we can be happy. Just relax now…focus on getting better. I will never leave you." Green eyes promise with a foreign shaky voice.
I don't know what happens next, but blankness overwhelms me once again. What I do know is that this time I am no longer alone in this darkness. I have an eighteen year old boy who looked like he died for me, and then rose again when his name escaped my lips.
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Falling in and out of sleep is definitely something new to me. Because I cannot control my exhaustion.
I can vaguely remember Alice jumping up and down when she barged into the ward. I am pretty sure I saw Maria and Elizabeth. And a guy, who my mom introduced to me as Phil, has being visiting.
The sun shines moderately, pushing through the drapes as days flow into nights. I cannot see clearly outside but I long to just breathe in fresh air. Everything has passed by in such a blur. Edward doesn't leave. My boy waits-watches-overwhelms me with his presence. I know his around even though my eyes remain sealed.
Doctor Jackson has been checking up on me quite often. I think its early afternoon because the nurse brings me reddish jelly with custard and sing-songs, "lunch time."
"Bella…today you will meet up with your physiotherapist. Isn't that great?" Elizabeth, who I guess has been here all along, sits beside my bed. My mother had to return to work after being on leave for a month. I immediately feel guilty, worrying how she got by.
"Will I be able to finally leave this bed?" I ask my boys grandmother.
"Well…not right now, but very soon. You would never imagine how happy we are that you are back with us." She utters, brushing some hair out my face.
"Where did Edward go?" I need to know, because the time that is passing is a total blur to me.
"He's at school my angel. It's Monday." She smiles. "We all had to force him to leave."
"Does his parents know?" I wonder.
"Yes, Bella. They do know. They just need some time to accept the fact that you are in Edward's life." Elizabeth says, failing to meet my eyes.
I know without actually knowing that Edward is having issues with his parents and possibly with many people out there. The fact that people want us apart because we come from different social classes leaves me feeling sick and terrified.
Deciding to change the topic of discussion, I ask, "how long have I been awake?"
"You woke up on Friday. I thought Doctor Jackson discussed this with you?' Elizabeth asks in between spoon feeding me with my staple diet of mushy food.
"Yeah. I guess I forgot." I smile, but it's fake. The truth is, people have been telling me things and I forget it so easily. My memory is kinda messed up and I am hoping it is only because I have been asleep for so long.
When Doctor Jackson comes for his daily check-up, I lie. I tell him that I am feeling great. Because the sooner everyone thinks that I am okay, the sooner I can go home.
I am filled with so many unanswered questions, leading me to feel behind. Apparently the guy who I collided with wasn't injured that badly. I thank God that I didn't harm another person and again, Charlie pops up in my mind.
Please just forget about him?
Once Elizabeth is finished feeding me, I drift off to sleep in my continuous helpless state.
Even though I am in and out of sleep, green eyes that remain in my dreams are stolen with the glare of the man who brought me into this world.
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"Wakey-wakey." My best friend smiles bright, looking all kinds of excited as she imposes my dreams.
"Ally…Oh my God! I missed you so much." I want to lift up my arms and hug her, but the moment I move I feel that sharp pain again.
Looking confused, my girl who stands beside me says in between cries, "You missed me huh? I saw you this morning Baby B."
Oh.
"Yeah…you did." I smile, having no memory of Alice being here this morning.
"What day is it?"
"It's Monday, Bella…I rushed here straight after school like I promised you I would. Edward is on his way just so you know. He had to speak to his coach to ask permission to skip practice."
"Oh…okay." I look away.
Beat, beat, beat.
"So guess what?" Ally whispers, looking around and then meeting my eyes again.
"You don't cuss anymore?" I tease.
"No you Silly-Billy. I told Jasper."
"You told Jasper what?"
"That I'm…you know... pregnant." Ally adds, placing her hand on her flat tummy.
WHAT?
"What? You're pregnant?" I ask, surprised.
"Yes Bella. Don't you remember?" My main girl is all kinds of confused. In this moment, I realise that there are so many things that I cannot understand and remember.
"I…I…uhm I guess I'm just abit drugged up from all the medication. So what did he say?" I ask, hiding my terror with a weak smile.
"Well…first of all, he wanted a DNA test. Can you believe the fucker? Then he came to me one night and begged me to not lie to him. We're taking things slow. No dating or anything so please don't get me wrong. We're going to tell his parents next week. I am thirteen weeks Bella…" Best friend continues to but I somehow lose track of her rambling.
"Oh my God…I am so sorry that I wasn't there for you, Ally. Are you okay?"
"Shhh…you were there for me. Always. I'm just so fucking happy that that I can finally have my best girl back. So get better as soon as possible!"
"Thank you, Al. But please tell me how you're feeling?"
"Pretty shitty. But that doesn't matter. So what do you think of all these flowers? You're quite the popular one these days, Bells. The entire school totally knows you have been doing it with Cullen." Ally says in a nonchalant tone.
"Please stop. I guess I haven't thought about that."
"Yeah…well you don't have to worry about anything. Your lover boy knows how to handle 'situations."
Meeting my best friend's eyes, I wonder what exactly she means but I am too afraid to ask her. I don't want to imagine all the things Edward has been through since my selfish act. I look down and I am suddenly fascinated with my hands because it's the best excuse to escape this conversation.
I guess I fall asleep again because when I wake up its dark outside. Edward is leaning on the bed with his chin tucked in the palm of his hands, staring at me.
I smile. Because love does that.
"You're such a stalker." I manage to tease.
"You should see my room. Your pictures are all over my wall."
"Seriously, stop."
"You should come see it sometime." My boy lifts up his eyebrow in the most adorable way. "My sheets are pink and I have girly clothing in my closet."
"Okay…enough!" I mock horror.
"I'm serious, Bells. And my roommates name is Rene."
"What?" I ask confused.
"I moved into your room. I hope you don't mind?"
"Wh…why?" Everything begins to jumble up in my head.
What is wrong with this boy?
"Because…at first it made me feel closer to you. Then I decided I might as well stay behind and keep your bed warm until you return home."
"And what about your parents?" I blink one-two-three, fighting to keep my eyes open.
"What about them? I don't give a shit." Soft lips smile but it doesn't meet green eyes. I stare at my boy, feeling terrified and insecure. I fear that he doesn't want to be here, slaving his body and torturing his mind because of his hearts demands. But when Edward squeezes my hand and kisses my cheek, all doubt disappears into my expanding pool of hopelessness.
"You gotta go back home, Edward." I mumble, taking a deep breath.
"I am home. I am home wherever you are."
"Does everyone know about us?"
He nods, not verbally conveying the truth. All this time I have been lying helpless, when my boy had to fight the world's judgments because of a secret that we've created together.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there with you." I hope an apology can make everything better.
"Bella, it's okay. Everything will be okay."
I nod.
Because all love can do is win-win-win.
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So it has been three weeks since I woke up. I know this because I requested a calendar next to my bed. My stay at Treehaven hospital has been all about recovery. My boy and the best people in my life continue to visit me everyday.
Surprisingly, Edward's friends have been coming around a lot. Jake, Jasper, Emmet and even Rosalie Hale have graced me with their presence. It's no longer weird to have them around.
Today, I get to go home. I am pale-frail- weak but my period of recovery has finally ended. What I realised is that there is no fooling doctors. I no longer feel a pain in my lower back, and the limp that I thought I would have forever, is bye-bye.
I have been catching up on my homework and my fuzzy memory isn't that fuzzy anymore. Even though I feel really insecure about the huge scar on my back and my nails are brittle, I don't care. Because again, none of those issues really matter.
"Are you ready?" Edward smiles brightly. My boy is more excited than what I am. I nod and he squeezes my hand while pushing me in the wheelchair.
When we arrive on the ground floor, Rene is at the reception desk busy with paperwork. I shield my eyes as we exit the hospital, disappointed that I cannot appreciate the light of day.
Winter has arrived but the excitement within me makes me feel flustered.
We approach Rene's car and I wonder why Edward hasn't come in his own car. He has been very quiet lately, and I feel guilty because I need him to get on with his life too.
"We're almost home, Baby. I am so proud of you. You're recovery was remarkable. After eight weeks in this hospital, you can finally come home." Rene pushes a strand of hair out of my face. My eyes remain on the back of Edward's head as I watch him drive us home.
As we pull up infront of my house. I begin to cry. I no longer have a phone, my car was destroyed, my father is finally out of my life, and I am holding onto a boy who has so much life ahead of him.
Edward immediately jumps out of the car, rushing over to the back seat to cradle me.
"I'm so scared." I whisper, tucking my head into his neck.
"Don't be scared. We're all here for you, Bella. I'm here for you."
As I peek up, I watch Rene as she patiently waits on the front porch. Concern lingers in the eyes of a woman who has worried too long for her only daughter.
My mountain and my rock surround me, begging me without actually saying anything aloud to be strong. So, as Edward carries me up the porch not because I cannot walk, but because he is afraid that I might fall, I wipe my tears and take a deep breath.
As the front door opens, my hearing is intruded with a loud "welcome home."
Eyes, smiles, laughs, banners and balloons await as I enter the place that hold so much memories. My best friend is jumping up and down with a red balloon that's says 'SALE' on the front. I spot Jasper and Jake, and Edward's grandparents are here as well as Maria. Phil, who I assume is very important to my mother, stands and smiles. My heart warms up when I see Rosalie Hale and Emmet in my front lounge. Irina and her brother are here too, and so is Mrs Clearwater.
And just like that, I feel like I missed out on eternity. All these changes happened while I was out of reality. People came together and welcomed the love that Edward and I share. Everything just became a lot more real and I'm not sure how to feel about it.
All these people, who I once feared would destroy my secret, are waiting-watching-happy. They're not here to shatter love, they're here to make it better. Edwards grip reassures me that he will always be here. No matter what, this boy's intentions were never to leave me. We chose eachother the moment our hearts became one. So without saying a word, I peek up at green eyes, my boy and my love. He looks down and smiles in adoration. I smile too, because love does that.
Love is accepting the unaccepted.
After laughs-cries and welcome home speeches, I take a seat on the sofa as I observe my surroundings. Rene and Elizabeth are laughing together in the kitchen, Edward is explaining something animatedly to Marcus and Jake and my best friend is showing her middle finger at the father of their unborn child.
What I realise is that the site before me is amazing. Never in my life had I imagined Slummers and the privileged would come together as equals. There are no helpers-servers-hosts, we're all just the same.
"Bella? Hey." Rosalie brings me back to reality with her smile.
"Hey, Rosalie. Thanks for being here." I mean it.
"Bella, I know I have said this before at the hospital…but I am sorry. I am so sorry for being such a bitch. I had my reasons but trust me I know what an ass I have been. That day you told me you forgave me, and then the accident, I took it as a sign that I really need to start appreciating things. So…so thank you, Bella. To be honest, I envied you so much. I knew all along that you had a hard life, but yet you still succeeded in everything you done. You have no idea how much people actually like you…but because of mean people like me, they were afraid to show it."
Wow.
"Thank you." It's all I can say because I am shocked and Rosalie is now gripping onto my hand. I know that she is doing this for Edward. They have a silent bond that screams acceptance and I can tell that Edward has been there for here when everyone else hasn't. Rosalie Hale is returning a life debt to a boy who I love.
Once again, I feel left out, like everything has changed without me even knowing it. People have forgiven-accepted-approved, and I'm all kinds of what-is-going-on?
"Well, Bella…we are all glad you're back. Look after my grandson. It doesn't look like he's going anywhere." Marcus, stern and proud, screams approval like never before. I hope and pray that the composure this man portrays isn't part of an ulterior motive.
"Thanks, Marcus. Ofcourse I will." I smile, kissing his cheek.
Everyone begins to leave shortly after. I feel exhausted and I just need my bed right now. I have another week off and then I'll have to return to school next week.
My boy helps me up the stairs while Rene clears the kitchen.
"So? Did you enjoy your afternoon? Glad to be home? Edward smiles, helping me out of my hoody.
"Yes. I just wish your parents were here too." I whisper, looking away from him. The truth is, my boy is hurt. He may act like everything is okay, but it's unfair what he has to do to be with me. I wish I could make everything better, but I am too selfish to give him up. My heart will never allow me to let go of Edward Cullen.
"Bella…I told you they just need time. Don't let that bother you. Please"
My heart hurts that Edward's parents weren't here. Infact, I haven't seeing them at all since the time I woke up. Whenever I try to ask him about them, he would brush the topic off or walk away. I know without knowing that there is more to this story.
I don't miss the fact that Edwards clothing and his shoes occupy my bedroom. He has been living at my house while his parents are doing who knows what.
And that I guess is enough to know that we are far from our happily ever after.
I get that.
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I wake up with the feeling of soft morning breaths tickling my neck. My boy is lying beside me, pushed-squashed-pressed up against my body.
Part of the agreement with Rene was that if Edward continues to stay with us, he has to sleep in the bottom room among books and hoarding materials.
For the past four days since I am at home, every evening we depart and say our goodnights, but sometime during the night he managers to sneak in next to me.
"Good morning." Whispers from a beautiful boy makes me heart, beat, beat, beat. Edward's soft breath, accompanied by early morning sleepy eyes are everything I need.
"Good morning to you too. Did you sleep well?" I ask, lifting up my arms to stretch. It's storming outside and 7 a.m has never felt so early to me.
"I slept awesome…until Rene woke me up to lock the door after her. You're mom said I should tell you that she's working the opening shift." Edward mumbles, fiddling with the sheets that cover his torsa.
I bite my lip and try not to focus on him.
It's been a while.
"So what are your plans today? The weather looks crappy." I whisper, biting my nails. Suddenly I feel nervous, because I know what Edward's penetrating gaze entails.
"I haven't kissed you in almost two months, Bella. And I don't mean a peck on the cheek kinda kiss. I'm talking about messy, hard kisses." He smiles.
"I wonder why that is." I say sarcastically and look away. The truth is that I chose to be distant with everyone because I felt ashamed. My body is finally letting go of the remnants of the accident, but I refused to allow Edward to touch me. He understood…until now. Until he didn't.
I know what he wants-needs-craves but I am afraid that things will never be the same. So, without allowing my impending nerves to surface, I change the topic and whisper, "Do you miss it? Everything? Your life before me?"
My boy takes a moment to think, then he turns his body and positions his head beside me. Taking a deep breath, Edward begins, "I do miss it. I miss getting what I want…I miss splurging money. I miss my parents and Maria. I miss you, Bella."
"That doesn't really answer my question." I whisper.
"I'm not here because I want to be here. I'm here because I need to be with you. I don't know what these feelings are, but it's scary and it made me realise that I can never ever be without you. I know that now."
"But you're so young. You have a whole life ahead of you…"
"Yeah, I do. But so do you." Edward interrupts. "And once we both graduate, we can start our life together. I will make sure of it even if it's the last thing I do…"
Suddenly, I remember the last thing that happened before the accident. I called Edward and I left him a message, telling him that I love him. For four weeks, he hasn't said anything about my revelation. I wonder if he received my message.
"Hey? Are you day dreaming again?" My boy lifts up his head, demanding my attention.
"Oh…no. I'm just enjoying the sound of the rain." Lie.
"So next week is the schools Halloween dance. The week you return will be like madness again."
"Yeah…wow I can't believe time flew by so fast. Are you going to the dance?" I ask.
"I'll only go if you go. Will you go, Bella?" With me?" Edward kisses me under my chin.
"It will be my first week back at school…I don't know. But you should really go." I will cry like a baby if Edward should decide to go without me.
"Bella…stop this please? I won't go without you!" Edward now moves closer and kisses me on my cheeks.
"The night of the accident, I went to Charlie's house." I turn around and position my body away from startled green eyes.
Edward stills, and then takes a deep breath, saying, "Bella? Why didn't you tell anyone this? Is this why you were so upset?"
I nod, beginning to cry.
"Fuck, I hate him! I hate him so much." My boy raises his voice.
"Charlie said that I shouldn't come back…that I'm wasting my time. I was so hurt and I needed you." I add, crying out louder.
Edward gently thrusts me back so that I can lie facing him again. "Charlie is a fucking pussy. He has no idea what he is missing out on. But now you know? You know who deserves to be in your life."
I nod, unable to fully agree with his disorganized reasoning.
"I'm so tired of hurting like this. Everything is not okay. I'm so scared." I admit. Because talking to this boy makes everything better.
"Shhh," Edward sooths, pushing some of my hair back. "I am not going anywhere. I promise you that," he continues.
"Do you think I should call him again?" I ask, hesitantly.
"No! After all this? No, Bella. Please don't." He begs.
"I just keep wondering if he even knew I was in an accident…like I keep thinking he would have come looking for me once he settled things with his family." I continue to bite my nails in-between wiping my stupid, stupid tears.
Edward looks like he is about to say something but then he hesitates, taking a deep breath and begins to beg me to let go of the situation with my father. "Forget about that asshole, Bella. I know it's not easy and I can never relate to how you're feeling, but move on. Why was it so easy for him?"
I whisper an okay and step out of my bed. I don't mention that I long to formally meet my siblings and that my father is only a tiny part of the deal. I have an innocent brother and a sister out there that deserve to know who I am. But I keep quiet anyway. I agree and let go just like everyone will expect me to.
Walking to the bathroom to pee, Edward follows behind me and takes a seat on the wash basin.
I feel crowded -smothered-overwhelmed because everywhere I go, somebody follows behind me ensuring that I am safe. Rene has been sitting in the bathroom when I take a bath, and I can tell everyone continues to worry about me.
"Why won' you let me go to the bathroom on my own?" I ask, prancing up beside Edward to wash my hands and brush my teeth. He plops off the basin and sneaks up behind me, cradling his arms around my waist while resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Because I can't take my eyes off of you." My boy smirks, meeting my eyes in the mirror.
"I'm serious," I mumble with a mouth full of toothpaste.
Edward grabs my toothbrush from me and places it into his mouth. I don't bother to protest because it's exactly the reaction he is waiting for. He continues to hold me with one arm, blocking me from escaping his hold.
After he's finished, he places the toothbrush back into my mouth, smiles, and pats my ass, then walks away.
I roll my eyes and continue to cater for my own morning needs. After packing everything away, I spot a pack of condoms in the cabinet and an idea pops into my head. I haven't being taking my pill, obviously, so, undressing very quickly, I shove my robe that is hanging behind the bathroom door over my naked body, and place the condoms into my pocket.
When I enter my room, my boy is playing a game on his iPhone. Green eyes are focused on what is happening on the screen infront of him. He doesn't notice that I am standing at the door, attempting a sexy pose with a pack of condoms dangling in my hands.
I smile and clear my throat dramatically. Edward sighs, and eventually looks up in a way of saying I-had-one-more-stage-to-play. All irritable emotions disappears and are replaced with the brightest of smiles when he figures out my little show.
"No way?" My boy whispers breathlessly, dumping his phone on my bedside table.
I smile, and lower my gown to expose my left shoulder. All feelings of insecurity disappear as acceptance and love lingers in the air.
I smile, and shake my head as he tries to approach me. It feels good to be the one teasing.
"Oh no." I walk, one-two-three as Edward goes back to sitting on my bed. His eyes never leave my body.
Walking up to him, I push him gently as his back connects with my unmade sheets. I climb up my bed and straddle him, failing to hide my smile. My beating heart screams desire as my lips finally connect with Edward's. My boy immediately welcomes the kiss, pushing-pressing-loving every moment of what's to come.
Edwards sits up, gripping me around my waist as I begin sending sucking kissing in the cave of his necks. With moans and whimpers, I know I own this situation.
Our neediness continues, with not a breath or inch of space left between us. Edward pushes his shorts-covered growing bulge into my centre. I want to beg him to go slower.
I won't.
So before we both know it, my gown is slipping off. I begin lifting Edwards T-shirt over his head when I notice a little black dotted line across his chest.
"What is that?" I stop in mid motion to seek answers to an unfamiliar image.
Edward tries to continue to kiss me, but I pull away and take a good look at what I am about to discover. On his chest, situated over his heart, is a tiny wave of heart beats. It's completed to perfection with up-down waves.
My boy doesn't answer me, he breathes-watches-waits as I trace the tattooed lines of a pictured heartbeat.
I know what this is. I am just afraid of confirmation right now.
Edward, still filled with need and excitement, sighs and then lifts up my chin with his index finger.
"I took a picture of your heartbeat and I had it tattooed across my chest. I know it might seem weird or…." Before my boy can answer, I press my lips to his and push him down once again.
Because Edward Cullen loves me.
With breathless touches and sucking, I place my hands on the top his shorts and rub over his hard on.
Before I know it, Edward turns me over, and his mouth is now fixated on my breasts. He doesn't comment, stare or focus on my scars, he kisses it, tracing it with his soft fingers and needy tongue, reassuring me that none of those things matter.
"You're my survivor," he whispers in-between kisses. I lay naked and vulnerable below a penetrating glare but I have never felt this strong. Grabbing on to his hair, I push him down and kiss him once more. Edward's hands are now focused on the only place I need them to be.
Inserting one-two fingers, Edward massages around my centre as I whisper breaths of pleasure. The in-and-out sensation reopens feelings I forgot I was capable of experiencing. Once my tummy feels like it is tightening, I grip onto his wrist and remove his hand.
Edward looks up with questioning eyes. I want to do something that he never wanted me to do. So before my boy can say anything, I sit up and push him down onto his back, gripping onto his shaft and taking him inside my mouth.
Edward groans, and his eyes soon close as he just accepts-approves of this moment. The salty taste is new to me and it is something I guess I'll have to become used to. I suck on his tip, and then lick my tongue all the way down as my hand pushes his foreskin.
"Shit, Bella. Stop. Please stop." Edward doesn't want my attention there.
I get that.
So I pull away and he meets my straddling figure halfway. Once again, our lips collide as he now grips onto my butt. Edward reaches over the bed and grabs the pack of condoms. He rips one off and hands it to me. Eventually, I roll the condom onto his shaft and we finally breathe in as one.
Our eyes remain open-connected-forever as we begin our in-and-out patterns of thrusts and lusts. Pushing in and out, Edward lifts me up and positions me on my back. My boy sends gentle kisses down my neck as he repositions his dick inside of me. The motions of his thrusts become faster-faster, and finally I feel like I can explode and drown in pleasure.
Edward's phone begins to vibrate on the bedside table, but we ignore the call as he thrust in and out of me.
"Bella, I'm going to cum." Edward whispers against my ear.
Shutting my eyes, I bite onto his earlobe as I allow the neediness and desperation to enfold. With one-two-three, I reach my orgasm.
Edward continues to push in and out, until I feel his body become rigid on top me. With nothing but the sound of the rain, we are two separated souls sealed into one.
"That was amazing." I whisper and send smiles of satisfaction over to my green eyed heaven. My boy kisses me softly and his lips remain on mine for a while.
His phone rings again.
"You need to answer that."
"No…just let me enjoy this moment with you."
I shut my eyes and tuck my head into his arms as we lay in silence and appreciate the moment happening around us.
"I'm starving." I whisper, interrupting this precious moment.
"Yeah? What should I make you to eat?" Edward climbs out of bed and walks off to the bathroom before I can answer.
Grabbing his T-shirt, I throw it over my head and go ahead in search of him.
"I'm craving a really big burger with extra grilled cheese," I say, walking up behind him in the bathroom.
"Okay, then lets go get you that. Why don't we take a shower first?"
"Okay." I agree. Edward grabs my waist and pulls me into another kiss. Our moment is interrupted when impatient knocking travels from the front door.
"Who do you think it could be?" Edward asks. I shake my head, then make my way downstairs.
"Wait. Let me open up." My boy murmurs, his tone now firm and unwelcoming.
As he unlocks the door, I peek over his shoulder and I am immediately caught up in a web of surprise as Mr and Mrs Cullen stand waiting and wondering on my front porch.
"Shit." Edward sighs. But it is too late. They already know we're here and they need their only son's attention right now.
I step back and hide myself behind the door, knowing that they've already spotted me.
"Edward? Oh my God, Son." An elegant voice of disapproval travels into my home.
"Mom…Dad. What do you want?" Edward remains at the front door with his hand gripped onto the frame. I stare at his knuckles as they turn white with impatience. His absence of a T-shirt with loose fitted shorts must call his parents to wonder.
"Come home, Son? This needs to end. Please? Come home." Esme's voice is tear-filled and shaking.
"No! Not until you accept her." Edward states firmly. I breathe in deep and wish he could at least allow them to step inside.
"Edward listen to us. Your behaviour is ridiculous. We have been trying to call you all week. What do you think people are saying about our family, thinking that we have disowned you? Come home son? Don't do this to your mother." Carlisle begs his only son to just come home while I stand helpless and selfish in a corner.
Say something.
"I don't want to come home, Mom. Please listen to me for once." Edward tries to come across as strong but I know this boy is far from whole.
So without thinking through my next action, I step aside and open the front door wider. I am aware that my hair is messy, I have on my boy's sweater and my feet are bare. But that doesn't matter.
Right?
"Hello…"I whisper, terrified. I grip onto Edward's hand and silently beg my heart to stop beating so uncontrollably.
Carlisle stands calm and composed while his wife is all kinds of broken. From what I have seeing and heard, Esme is the epitome of all things graceful. But the woman who stands before me appears unkept and miserable.
"Isabella." They say in unison. Questioning eyes and silent demands are all that I am able to comprehend right now.
I realise that this is the first time we've formally met. His parents must be thinking that I am the reason they have lost the respect of their only son.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, failing to meet their eyes.
Because I am far from sorry. Love isn't supposed to apologize.
"Why are you doing this to us?" Esme questions me in a tone that screams anger.
Opening my mouth to speak, Edward squeezes my hand and interjects, "You don't need to explain anything to them."
"No. I do." I whisper, holding my ground. "Mr and Mrs, Cullen…please come inside?" I ask-beg-welcome.
Carlisle hesitates but Esme steps inside immediately, judging her surroundings.
"So this is where you have been for these past couple of months?" Esme continues to look around but afraid to step in any further."
"Yes. Don't pretend like you didn't know where I am, Mom. I told you. I gave you guys a choice."
"Just come home for fucks sakes Edward!" I am alarmed by the change in Carlisle's voice.
"Dad…there is no way in fucking hell I am coming back home. I don't give a shit that you froze my credit cards and took all my shit away…that doesn't matter. Elizabeth and Marcus have been making sure that I have everything I need. So quite honestly, I don't fucking need you. Not until you accept the fact that Bella is in my life."
"Are you really going to sacrifice your future for something this temporary?" Carlisle motions towards me, judging-disapproving.
"My future was set a long time ago. It doesn't matter what I do or where I go, Dad. Bella will never allow me to put my dreams on hold. But I cannot leave her. I won't"
I am surprised by the altercation happening before me. Not only was I unaware that Edwards parents took most of his possessions away from him, I didn't realise that he was relying on his grandparents for support.
The conversation between father and son becomes heated, and I know it's definitely time to step in.
"Mr and Mrs Cullen?" I interrupt. "Please just try to understand? I will never ever allow your son to risk his future. Why won't you allow us to just be together?" The tears that I wished would back away, is now rolling down my cheeks.
Because why won't they understand?
Nobody questions or comments, they just listen and try to figure things out.
"Isabella…don't you get it? You and my son are completely different people…"
"Yes we are." I agree. "But that doesn't stop us from loving eachother. I am in love with your son." I meet their eyes, not failing to feel the intense stare on my back from the only boy I love.
"No…you don't." Esme shakes her head.
"I do!" My voice rises as I defend my love. Searching desperately for approval, I slowly turn around and meet the eyes of Edward Cullen. "I love you, Edward." My words are a mere whisper, but it is heard nonetheless.
Edward walks up to me, ignoring the fact that his parents are here to take him away from me and away from this life.
"I know," my boy whispers with a kind smile. "Mom and Dad, please leave?"
"Edward…if we tell you now we won't keep you away from her, then will you please come back to us?" My heart breaks as Esme begs, but we both too selfish to give up on what we want as our own.
"Do you promise?" Edward whispers, because he needs to go home.
"Yes…yes we promise. We won't say anything again. Just please come home?"
Edward looks at me with questioning eyes, asking for the obvious. We both know without really knowing that he will have to return home.
So without as much as a sound, I nod and display a tiny smile. Edward's eyes remain on mine, until he averts his gaze to his parents.
"Okay….I'll come home tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? No, why not today?" Again, Edwards nine month carrier begs.
"Because, Mom. I said tomorrow."
"Okay." Carlisle accepts but he never approves.
I say goodbye and excuse myself when Esme asks if she can speak to her son alone. Walking up to my bedroom, I realise that everything is out in the open. This love has never been so real. Edward and Bella are no longer defined by time and secrets, we're battling the future.
Futures are supposed to be about finding forever.
A future is about what's to come and surviving the battles against oneself.
Edward and I are far from our future and forever.
But we have a past and a present that means everything.
I get that.
A/N So Bella's back in action :-) What did you think?
xx