Back again for one more chapter- I'd love to give thanks to all of my loyal and steadfast readers who came forth after years of having this tale laying flat. And thinks to any new readers out there. I know Merle's been long gone...and Beth, well she's Daryl's girl now (lol) But this is a story that needs an end. Anyone who wants to help bring this loooong slow burn into bonfire mode please feel free to contact me. Lots of love. Please review. X-Z
Not a boy (part 2)
Merle was walkin rounds with his brother, Michonne trailing behind as usual. Seemed like the Nubian Queen had attached herself to them and wasn't nothin' gonna shake her loose. Not that he minded…hell one more ally in any situation was a good thing, specially now. Specially after last night. He rubbed at his jaw and winced, felt sore, but nothin' like his nose, Thing was broke again and both of his eyes had gone black underneath. Old man threw a hell of a punch.
He cut his eyes towards Daryl, boy had a spring in his step, and instead of givin' him shit about last night he kept his mouth shut and looked away every chance he got. Merle narrowed his eyes and gripped Daryl by the arm stopping him in his tracks.
His eyes fixed on Daryl's and a sly grin formed on his face. "Dont you fuckin tell me you got some last night?" He started.
"No !….." Daryl exclaimed yanking his arm out of his brother's grip. "Jesus Merle…no…!"
"Oh yeah!," Merle nodded his head and laughed. "Little brother finally got some." He grabbed at Daryl's vest and pulled him back. "You fuck 'er ?"
"What ?" Daryl knocked his arm loose, "I didn't do nuthin' and fuck Merle don't talk about her like that. Aint right."
Merle let his brother get a few paces ahead of him before starting up. Hard to believe while he'd been laying in his cot again next to Beth and stone hard again after having taken a solid hit straight to the face for even thinking about fuckin' her. His little brother had done the deed.
"I know you did," he called out laughing. "got a spring in ya step…gettin all defensive… don't talk about her", he mocked. "and 'sides, ya ears gone red….sure sign."
Daryl stopped mid stride, he'd had about enough of putting up with Merle's stupid shit. His ears were red ? What the fuck did that even mean?
"I aint got no fuckin red ears Merle." Daryl exclaimed , turning around and squaring off his shoulders. "And I'm about tired of putting up with your constant shit."
"Actually," Michonne laughed as she walked by, reaching up to touch the tip of his ears that stuck out from his hair, "they are red….and its pretty darned cute."
Daryl froze, hands at his side, as he watched her walk up laughing and continue on with his brother. "Fuck all y'all." he called out at their backs. "aint got no red ears….and I aint fuckin cute."
"Dont know what y'are gettin' so pissed off brother…" Merle smirked, "we just making an observation."
"Yer alls observations are getting on my nerves." Daryl touted, stopping short to scrounge into his pocket for a cigarette and lighting it up. "Y'all go on…I'm going to check on the south side of things."
He turned and headed in the opposite direction, listening to the laughter and protest coming from his brother and Michonne. Yeah he was annoyed. It had taken him till the world ended and he lost his brother to finally break out of that little brother trap he'd been hiding in his whole life. Now it took him coming back not two weeks and he was sliding in again.
He knew his brother was just bustin' chops, and well Michonne she didn't mean nuthin by it neither…but hell he'd had a life time of it. Couldn't do a damn thing in his old life, without Merle having something to say about it. He'd be scuffing him on the head, or grabbing at his ear, or shovin' him along. Made fun of every damn thing he did , from the way he dressed to the way he smelled to the way he fuckin talked. "Aint ya got enough sense ta talk a lil' faster ?" he'd say, "Christ almighty boy, seems like yer a couple eggs short of the full dozen."
And god forbid when he'd even tried to go near a woman. Then it'd been full hell. "Ya gonna finally get yer dick wet Darlina." or "Careful ya don't break him darlin' that boys delicate." or "If'n ya'r wanting a good time when yer done with my LITTLE brother i'll be waiting outside…shouldnt be long." List went on and on. If it hadn't been one matter of humiliation it'd been another.
And now, now he had Carol. And she was different from any woman he'd ever met. She wasn't just some young girl going after some older guy…someone who could afford to buy a couple of beers and keep the quarters going in the jukebox. Someone who could brag to her friends, she either fucked the older one…with the big dick and the even bigger mouth…or she got the quiet one, the shy one. The one that was fast and quiet in the front seat of his truck, then never met your eyes or said a word to you again. Unless he was drunk, real drunk…and his brother wasn't around.
Christ, he took a deep drag out of his cigarette and felt the smoke settle deeply in his lungs. It wasn't like that with her. Wasn't like that with the whole group. He was someone now, to all of them. He had Herschel's respect, and Glenn and Maggie they were as close as he'd ever been to anyone….Michonne…Judith, couldn't love her more if she was his…and Rick, he was like a brother to him…and Carol…she was…everything. He couldn't even begin to think of what it would feel like if carol thought of him like that…He was different in her eyes. He was a protector, an a provider and a man…a man of honor.
Now he had his brother here. And Merle, Merle was kin…he was blood. And there was no tighter bond than that. Heard that every day of his life. Shouted in his face, even as the belt came down across his back. Never did understand his pops yellin' that to him.. "kin is kin boy…dont you forget that. Aint no one" WHIP "more" WHIP "important" WHIP "than KIN !" WHIP. Kin was so damned important in your house you beat the shit outta them any chance ya got he reckoned.
He shook his head and sat down, back against the crumbling wall of the block. The cigaretted was pinched tightly in his fingers and his teeth were clenched together. He knew Merle was fuckin' with him, he did, Michonne too. Didn't mean nuthin' and it was all building up in his head. All these thoughts about being a kid, growin' up poorer than dirt an treated even worst. Moving on to being nuthin more than Merle Dixon's white trash dumb ass little brother. Couldn't even take a piss without Merle tellin' him how ta hold his dick.
He just didn't wanna be that guy again. Didn't wanna be that ever again; punching bag to his old man, pussy little brother to Merle, just a jack ass to his friends, stand in for Merle to any girl he ever did fuck. Only one he'd ever been good enough for was his mom…and he hadn't been good enough to save her. Not that he could have, he was a goddamn kid, but still…he coulda spent more time with her…coulda done what Merle was doing…pissing his old man off to make sure the fist came his way instead of hers. But hell he'd just been a kid.
He'd been a kid when his mom died. And he'd been a kid when Merle took off and he got left behind with his old man. He'd been a kid all along. And when Merle came back and he got to trail along after him, watching him, down beers, and smoke joints, and cook meth and shoot dope. He'd just hung around , ducked his head low, tried to stay outta trouble and never said one word about nothing.
But now he wasn't a kid anymore. He was a man. He was part of this group and they trusted him and relied on him. For more than just huntin' and food. They relied on him for who he was. And now with Carol, he'd been pushing her away for so long. Not wantin' to disappoint her, not wanting to let his guard down enough for her to see who he really was on the inside.
And now Merle came along, and goddamn no matter how much he loved that son of a bitch, and lord knows he did. His world was gettin' flipped around. Aint no way to keep bones hidden away in the closet with Merle around.
Between what happened with him and Glenn, him and Maggie. And Christ almighty what was happening with Beth. I mean, he knew his brother wasn't just out for pussy, he knew that, but still Beth was a kid. And now he had Herschel to deal with; man his age doesn't go throwing one legged punches unless he's good and pissed. And Rick…Christ wasn't no secret how he felt about Merle. And this was his brother goddamit. His kin.
He finished the cigarette and crushed it down on the dusty ground before standing up.
In the distance he saw Merle and Michonne approaching and he decided to wait. He was gonna man up and nut up and tell Merle he was done with his stupid fucking games.
He thought of Carol last night. The way she'd gone from comparing him to Beth, to melting in his arms. He thought of how it felt to be a man, to hold her and kiss her and know he coulda done more…and no matter how much more he did she woulda been happy. Weren't too often a man like him landed on a woman like that.
He thought about the group, how they looked to him for answers; how they looked at him with respect. He knew it wasn't really him, but it felt good, and he wasn't ready to give it up. Not for no one not even Merle. And Lord knows Merle had given up a lot to be here with him. Not like he'd had much of a choice, but still Woodberry had been a pretty big deal, and he'd been a pretty big deal there. Even if he'd been dealing with a Psycho.
That had always been the thing about Merle; adaptable. More than anyone he'd ever know Merle had been adaptable. Hell here he was in the goddamn apocalypse making due with one hand. And not just one hand , his left hand.
Yeah his brother was adaptable, and smart and manipulative as all hell. And before he knew it, if he didn't stand his own ground, he'd be just who he was before; just nuthin…nobody. Merle Dixon's little brother.
He watched as Michonne fractioned off and his brother approached. He straightened his shoulders and lit another cigarette.
"Ya done havin' ya little hissy fit ?" Merle asked, walking up and reaching for the cigarette in Daryl's hand.
"Merle…." Daryl started.
"Didnt mean nuthin by it…." Merle took another long drawn out drag before handin' the cigarette back. "Just havin' a little fun with you thats all." He shook his head and gathered up some spit before turning and letting it fly.
He could tell just by the way Daryl was standing that the boy was ready for something. He was all stiff and pumped up, and his eyes were fixed on the ground. He knew Daryl better than anyone in this shit hole. Better than that prick Rick, and even better than his woman Carol.
Once that boy got some kind of idea or notion in his head he'd just go round and round with it, getting himself worked up 'till there was no way to bring him down. He remembered when he'd gotten back home from being away one time he'd caught Daryl puttin' a cigarette out on his arm.
He'd push him, or his old man would belt him. Or something would happen about some woman, or some person or some thing, some goddamn something or other that just pushed Daryl to the edge. Then he'd get real quiet and storm off somewhere, and he'd let him cool off and go find him, and he'd be crouched down behind the shed, behind the bar, back of the truck…eyes real narrowed and shoulders slumped, 'nother round burn on his form arm. "Just need ta cool off." He'd mumble, his head down.
"Ya ever do that shit again," he'd said the one time he'd seen him doing it, "and I'll knock yer goddamn block off." He'd shoved him hard on the chest, before walking off.
"I'd like ta see ya try." Daryl had mumbled pulling his sleeve down to cover his arm, ashamed that he'd been caught .
Merle had stopped dead in his tracks and turned around going chest to chest with his younger brother. And though they were the same height, back then Merle outweighed him by about forty pounds of pure muscle. "Ya say something boy ?" He's asked bumping Daryl on the chest.
Daryl'd just lowered his eyes and shaken his head, and gone back to following him around like a damn dog.
Now he found him, leaned up against the walls, shoulders slumped and eyes narrowed into slits, and he could practically hear his heart pounding from where he stood. Took everything inside him not to check his arms.
Merle scrubbed at his head and shut his eyes, damn boy got so worked up. Ya said one thing and ya stood a chance to set him off. He understood, boy had the weight of the whole goddamn world on his shoulders. Had ever since he was a kid. Now here he was, end of days, and he had his brother on one side and this whole band of pussies on the other….
"Ya think too much lil brother," Merle started quietly, his eyes set on Daryl's ."Had Michonne sayin' that woman of yours is so damned smiley and giddy this morning she put salt in her coffee stead of sugar….thought maybe you was the cause…that's all."
Daryl's ears turned red again and he looked down , before shrugging.
"Sounds like a helluva better night than I had," Merle continued his hand coming up to pinch gingerly at the broken bridge of his nose. "Got my ass handed to me by a one legged old man," he chuckled, "and if'n my little brother hadn't been there I probably woulda wound up with a bullet in my ass."
He looked at Daryl, and noticed how he stood a little straighter, and he wasn't clenching his jaw quiet as tightly as before.
Merle shook his head and spit again before reaching out his hand and grasping Daryl on the shoulder. "I may be bustin' yer chops boy," he rasped out slowly, his steel grey eyes fixed on Daryl's "but make no mistake," he added slowly his fingers tightening their hold, "I know who the man is around here."
He loosened his hold and patted him once before taking off and calling over his shoulder, "Now I reckon I gotta go make amends with officer friendly and Rocky Balboa 'fore I see my angel. If'n I was you…I'd go give that woman a yours something else ta keep smiling about."