Chapter 37 - Soliloquies
The falling sunlight sparkled off the blue sea waves. A gentle breeze set easy the woes of life. Under a blossoming tree rested Paine and Rikku, shaded from the hardships they had just been through. It was only a few days ago did their closest friend die by her own hands. Since then, they had not the chance nor the energy to exert on grief. The pandemonium between Kinoc's attack of Bevelle and the grand funeral left no time to think about what happened, let alone act upon it. Instead, they had to kick themselves into autopilot and just cut through the waves of pain and anguish.
Still, when Kinoc was trying to kill them, they didn't have to quell over the fact Yuna was gone, and would never return. The Gullwings were devastated to the core. They hadn't the will to even consider sphere hunting – not at least for a long while. There was no point in forcing themselves to a practice which would remind them of their lost companion every second. They had to grieve. Also the circumstance weighed ill on the inhabitants of the tiny island as well. Those closest to Yuna, being Wakka and Lulu, were in a state of perpetual discrepancy. Wakka was able to function somewhat, even if his mood was solemn. Lulu was far worse. For the first few days after, she was a basket case.
They all were hurt, and all individually as well as collectively had to get beyond their sorrow. If only on that tiny island, some peace had befallen on Spira. Rikku, still sitting under the palm tree, wondered if Yuna truly had banished herself from Spira, in both body and soul. Perhaps Maechen was mistaken, but she'd never want to find out. She certainly didn't believe in visiting the Farplane in Guadosalam before, and she wasn't going to go now. Paine was standing beside her, gazing sadly into the clear horizon. The waves lapped cautiously over the beachy sand. Peeking back at Rikku, who was staring at her feet, she was unsure of how to move forward. For Yuna's sake she knew she must. Not just her, however, but all of the Gullwings – and even Wakka and Lulu. Truthfully, she would wish for all of Spira to continue forward. But they would have to do that on their own terms.
Spira had time for such an act. With Kinoc finally dead and gone, Spira could rest a little easier. The great threat to them was abolished. Most knew not of Shuyin or Vegnagun. This secret was held by only a very few people. And their unknowingly similar consensus was to be silent over it, preventing a mass spread of fear and panic. The only chaos still raging was the feud between New Yevon and the Youth League. Mysteriously their leaders all vanished from their posts, and left their administrations empty of a direction. Because of this, the groups sought for domination of Spira's rocky political climate.
"You know Rikku..." wondered Paine out loud, "where could they be?"
Rikku shot her a curious look, "Huh? Who do you mean?"
"The leaders of Spira's factions. Gippal, Nooj, Baralai...what do you think happened to them?"
"I wish I knew. We haven't seen them for I guess a while...not since the time we went underneath the temple." she shrugged, sadly thinking of Gippal.
Rikku often pondered the same thought as Paine spoke of. The leaders had been gone for a long time. Baralai and Nooj disappeared when she hurt herself down in the underground installation below the temple. More pertinent to her was Gippal, whom she hadn't seen nor heard from since he vanished without a trace from Djose. That night, he had kissed her on the bridge. She still remembered the soft touch of his lips against hers. The sweet smell of his breath tickled her neck as they stood so close together. Then he went missing the morning after, and that was the last she saw of him.
Sighing to herself, her mood was a continuous emotional state of melancholy. It was perplexing to realize that so many of those she loved and cherished had left her – all after Sin. Thinking back, she always feared it would be Sin that took those she adored. Whether it was Yuna's final summoning, or Sin's grasp over Cid's airship, she would never have thought that so much pain would wallow in her after they defeated what was to be Spira's ultimate punishment.
And such were the same feelings held by Lulu, who still sobbed in her sleep from Yuna's passing. She still wished to know what could have possibly driven Yuna to kill herself. She was just a delightful and cheery young woman. From their last talk, when Yuna and her walked along the way to the beach front, she understood the pressures that she felt. So many things were uncertain, and the loss of Tidus didn't help her at all. Still, these things were also thundering down on her when they struggled against Sin – even worse Lulu believed. Then doubt crept in her thoughts. Maybe, she began to think, Yuna was silently facing something more dark. It would at least explain why she committed her own murder. But logic held no weight in her torn emotions.
Not least effected by all this was Wakka. He had to be strong for his wife, but even he couldn't just grit his teeth in the face of this paramount of tragedy. He, too, remembered playing with the little newcomer to Besaid those many years ago. Always he felt compelled to take on the role of a big brother, just as his wife the role of a big sister. Together with Lulu he tried his best to sooth his own wounds as well as hers. To neither it was easy, but for the sake of Yuna, they would persevere.
It was nearly night, and the local inhabitants readied themselves for slumber. The air was cool – similar to the night Lulu last talked with Yuna. She walked outside, rubbing her bulging stomach smoothly. What damaged her the most was knowing her little baby would never meet Yuna. For years, long before she was even pregnant or married, she wished for her child to be enchanted by Yuna. If she effected her baby as great as she did her, then Lulu wished for nothing less.
She stared coldly into the night's sky. A few stars twinkled, and the moon shone down its pure light onto the land and lives below. She sighed, and merely stood quietly in front of her hovel. Wakka's footsteps followed her out.
Putting his arm around her, he spoke, "Hey Lu, it's getting late. You need to get your rest for the little guy, ya."
She looked at him, then rubbed her face against his rough skin, "I know. I just needed a moment of fresh air."
"You still takin' this real hard."
"I can't help it!" she growled, raising her voice, "How can you?"
He only looked sadly into the distance. Lulu sighed again, this time deeper, regretting her words. Both of them knew the other was just as broken as they. Lulu could put it into words better, but Wakka showed it just the same. He may never had grace, but no grace was needed to show this deep, penetrating sorrow. The two held each other for a while outside. All was quiet save for the lull chirping of crickets.
Paine was also in the company of night, as she was sitting underneath the gigantic machina relic which monumented itself on the island. She gazed with mystery at it, and was reminded of the past. Not her past, but the ancient past. She remembered Yuna talking about Lenne, the summoner of a thousand years ago who battled for Bevelle. She also thought about what Maechen had spoken about her during Yuna's funeral. If what he said was accurate, then the two were immensely similar. Unfortunately that similarity now extended to death.
The ocean waves made a low crash against the rocky walls below her. The sky was perfectly clear. She followed the lines of shadow and light, feeling as though the light had passed her on. A trio of tiny birds emerged from a tree, attracting her attention for a moment. She smiled, remembering the three of them flying around on all sorts of wild adventures. She slumped herself horizontally on the large rock she was resting on. Staring up, she wondered who would make such a colossal and majestic machine for destruction. It was these silly wars that killed Lenne so many centuries ago. And it was the same empty and pointless struggles that drove a stake into the heart of Spira. It was that stake that eventually pierced Yuna.
Turning her head to face the vast ocean, she wondered what everyone would do. No one was sure of anything. Perhaps they would go back to sphere hunting, or perhaps they would all disband and go their separate ways. Even in the grasp of this horrid time, she believed they couldn't break up – not after they became so close. She hinted a smile, thinking back to all the fun they had together. Whatever might happen, she wanted to keep going, and keep doing the adventures they did with Yuna. Otherwise, she believed, it would be such a waste of a talented sphere hunting crew.
Rikku blew out the candle, dimming the light into her room to that of only the moon's which seeped through the windows. She sat on her bed, itching her head a little. There was nobody else in the small hovel. Unlike the last time, she didn't have to sleep on the floor. After Yuna's incident with Beclem and her near-death experience inside the temple, he ordered all his men gone. Only he stayed to train the Aurochs. A windy breeze swirled up momentarily, shuttering at the windows. Rikku darted her eyes to them, but quickly went back to her thoughts.
Collapsing onto the bed, she blew out some air from her lips and stared blankly at the ceiling. As the curtains flowed, the shadows did an intricate dance above her. She moved her hand to her face and rubbed her eyes. Again, as she had the night before, she tried to make sense of everything that had happened. It was no more than a week ago, she knew, that her cousin was right next to her. Already it seemed like an eternity passed since Yuna died. The emptiness left in her wake was beginning to grow. She listened in her mind for her voice. To hear it again, even if it was imaginary, was a great sensation.
Yet the sensation would never be a worthy substitute for the real, living Yuna. The twinkle of her green and blue eyes had always held the magic of silent strength. From Sin and beyond she had seen it in action. Now that, too, was gone, and could not be replaced – not to Rikku. She leaned her head on her arm, and began to think of what the Gullwings would do now. It was no secret or surprise that this sudden tragedy had them devastated. Rikku wondered if they would stick together. The heart of the group was at rock bottom, and no one at the time being felt like sphere hunting. Brother, in one of his finest moments, suggested they stay at Besaid until they were able to make a sensible and clear-headed decision.
She had talked to her brother earlier that day. He was in the same exact mood as she – numb. Buddy wasn't much better; Shinra just felt overwhelmed. Shinra said that he still wanted to hunt spheres. Buddy wasn't as sure, although he didn't want to break from the group if nobody else was. Rikku sighed, not sure herself what she would do. Her brother and Buddy were one thing to be apart from, but Paine was another. The two had gotten closer in recent times, both in attempting to help Yuna, and after her death. Paine had been trying her best to take care of her like Yuna would. Although it was not the same, she still felt a glimmer of the heartfelt love she shared with her cousin.
If things did break up, she at least wanted to go with Paine. She knew Paine wouldn't quit sphere hunting. Nevertheless, a duo act still made Rikku sick. She thought back to all the times she should have acted different. Even if she did just the slightest thing differently, she believed, she might have been able to save Yuna. No matter what Paine or anyone else said, she would forever feel guilty for Yuna's suicide. It was the last words she spoke, or rather yelled, to her cousin that would remain hauntingly transfixed in her skull, "This is you problem Yuna! This is your problem! Why can't you let go...all you're doing is driving us mad! You're so stupid! I hate you!"
In her bratty fit, she committed a greater sin that she would ever had imagined herself possible of. She could never have comprehended how she could condemn the most important person in her life. It was these damning words that echoed tormentingly inside her dreams at night. When Yuna was at her lowest, she failed to carry her. Rather, she just dumped her like a forgotten dog on its last leg. She cringed and covered her ears as if it would block the pain. She began to cry, and eventually sobbed herself to sleep.
She felt something nudging at her side. At first her mind didn't click in, and from her sleep she didn't wake. Then the nudge became harder, and she jolted up in bed. There was no dream happening; whatever was touching her was real. To her right beside the bed was a silhouette of a tall figure. It was leaning down with its arm extended to hers. She nearly screamed, but another hand covered her mouth, muffling her cries.
"Shh..." a soothing voice whispered, "don't freak out like that."
She instantly recognized that voice – it was Gippal, "Gippal? I-is that you?"
He nodded, and backed up into the moonlight, "You betcha it is. What's up Rikku?"
"You're still alive. I thought something awful had happened to you."
He chuckled, "Yeah? Well, nothing happened. Me and Nooj have been running around like nuts across Spira."
"Nooj is with you?"
"Yep, ol' stone cold and me have been chasing after Shuyin."
She hopped out of bed, "Did you find Vegnagun?"
"Hold on, hold on!" he smiled, waving his hands at her, "Look, I need to know if you'll come with us."
"C-come with you? To where?"
"I tell you when we get outta here. I don't have much time. Are you coming or not?"
She paused for a moment, thinking of her friends, "Well...but what should I do about Paine and my brother. I...can't just up and leave."
Gippal sighed, "Alright...uh, here...take this and write them a note."
She nodded and wrote a short note, and laid it on the table next to the bed. Gippal smiled and flicked her a thumbs up. They proceeded to sneak out of the hovel and run into the shadows of the woods. Rikku wasn't sure why they had to be so secretive – a hundred thoughts were rushing through her head. Finally they came to a small boat at the dock. A pair of tracks were entrenched in the sand behind them as the two rode off at sea.
"W-where are we going?" asked Rikku urgently.
"Don't worry girl, we're gonna meet up with Nooj in Kilika. Then we go for Shuyin!"
The dawn of the next morning began to rise from the island's low horizon. The water of the ocean sparkled under its hazy light. Paine was awakened by it, and yawned loudly. She rubbed her eyes and methodically got out of bed. She shook her head and yawned once more. After washing, she went over to Rikku's hovel and wanted to scare her. She thought a little deviance would do them some good. Instead, it was she that was surprised. Rikku was no where in sight. She looked around frantically, and even called out her name. On the table next to the bed, she found Rikku's note.
Don't wait for me Gullwings. I'll be gone for a little bit, but don't think I'm abandoning you. Sorry to leave so fast, but I had to. I'll explain when I come back.
Sorry guys...
Rikku.
Next chapter: Gippal whisks Rikku away mysteriously in the middle of the night, and she wants to know why. She finds out, but she doesn't know if she's prepared for the hysteria that will follow.