Rum Tum Tugger

The kitten had had troubled dreams again. He woke up with a full-body twitch and his heart in his stomach. It was a dream where neither his father nor brother could hear him, no matter how much he cried and mewled for them. As soon as he rolled over, he saw his father lying not too far away. His brother was still sleeping closely next to him. The little one knew where it had come from; neither of them had paid him much attention the last few weeks... they were busy doing 'lessons' or whatever Munkustrap had called them.

They began almost out of nowhere, and took up all of their time, but they'd be over soon, the kit believed. Then they'd start spending time with him again, and everything would go back to normal!

Though on one particular day, when the six-year-old was feeling bored of his toys, Rum Tum Tugger trotted over to the very spot he was told not to go. The last time he did that, he was told to go read some of his books, but reading gave him a headache.

He could hear his brother and father.

"Jellicle Cats are black and white. Jellicle Cats are rather small. Jellicle Cats are merry and bright—"

"Project, Munkustrap. Speak loudly and clearly."

"Jellicle Cats are black and—"

"Project, not shout." Old Deuteronomy corrected. "Make sure to enunciate."

The eleven-year-old tom's eyes glazed over with frustration and he sighed. "Jel-li-cle Cats. Are black. And white."

Tugger didn't understand the lessons at all. To him, they were just repeating the same words over and over all day long. How boring. He pulled on his father's tail. "Dad." The large tom didn't hear him. "Daaaaaaadddd." He pulled repeatedly, not making much effort. Old Deuteronomy held his paw up to hush Munkustrap and knelt down.

"Yes, sweet boy?"

"Can Munkustrap come play now?"

"Not until he gets this poem right."

"But how long is that gonna take?" He moaned dramatically. "I'm bored!"

"Dad," Munkustrap implored, "can we just take a little break?" Old Deuteronomy looked surprised at him; the kit never asked to stop, not even when he was tired. Tugger saw the look of surrender in his eyes and perked up.

"I suppose for just an hour—" Before he could even finish, Munkustrap zipped past him faster than either his father and brother had ever seen. Tugger giddily followed behind and they hurried over to the area in which they turned into their make believe jungle or rainforest or whatever struck them that day. He might have other kits he could go to, should they even want to entertain the younger tom, but his big brother was the best playmate! Why would he want to go to anyone else? The hour unfortunately went by all too quickly and they heard their father's voice from outside the den. "All right, boys. Where are you?" Munkustrap held up a finger to his lips, showing little Tugger he had an idea.

Wiggling his bottom, the Maine Coon got into a stalking position, which was still clumsy at the time, and waited with his more refined brother to pounce. Once Old Deuteronomy was close enough, unassuming, Munkustrap yelled, "Get Dad!" And before he could react, both kits bounced atop the Norwegian Forest cat, Munkustrap nearly heavy enough to knock him over.

With one kit in each arm, Old Deuteronomy chuckled out, "My goodness! Little hunters." Munkustrap pulled away while Tugger was still chomping at his ear, continuing his chimerical play.

"Tugger was being a leopard, so you're the gazelle!"

"A gazelle?" Munkustrap nodded. "So what are you?"

"I'm a cheetah!" He beamed. Both noticed Tugger still had not stopped gumming his father's ear, adding vicious growls for effect.

"I need that to hear." Old Deuteronomy grinned.

Tugger let go. "But I need you to feed my pride!"

"Leopards don't have prides. Lions do."

"Well... I'm a lion then!" He swished his tail and nearly went back to pretend skewering, but Old Deuteronomy plucked his little son off his shoulder and set him down.

"Your brother and I have to go back to his rehearsal now."

"But we were playing..." Whined the kit. How was it that these two brothers like night and day?

"Maybe if Munkustrap gets this proper quickly, you'll have more time this evening." At that, Munkustrap looked nervous, Tugger hopeful, his tail swaying.

"Really?"

"We'll see. Just be a good boy and don't interrupt." Tugger flattened his ears, but obliged. He entertained himself for the rest of the evening, but it was dark when they finally finished and Munkustrap was tired. Rum Tum Tugger, however, hopped right onto his fatigued brother. "What are we gonna play now?"

"Um..." He yawned, "What do you want to play?"

"Whatever you want!" He swished his tail, excited to finally have his attention. The tired tom occupied his little brother for only fifteen minutes before he found himself patting down a spot in their bed and slumping over asleep. Tugger had been so caught up in the little fantasy that he almost didn't realize he'd been playing by himself for ten minutes. When he saw Munkustrap snoozing, he didn't try to wake him. He rolled over next to him, nuzzled his chin with a purr, and then fell asleep too.

—

"Be a good boy and find something to do. We'll be busy most of the day." Old Deuteronomy told the Maine Coon.

"But there's nothing left here to do! Can I go climbing?"

"Not without someone to watch you."

"I'm a big cat! I can watch myself! I'll claw and hiss at anything that tries to touch me!" He threw in his vicious kitten hiss, fur standing high. Old Deuteronomy wasn't convinced. He looked over almost pleadingly to Munkustrap.

"Please, Tugger?" The silver kit sounded somewhat forced when he begged him. "I'll do really well today and finish early!"

"You said that yesterday." The kitten laid his ears back.

"Tugger." Old Deuteronomy folded his arms. "It isn't nice to put guilt on your brother like that." The Maine Coon scowled at him and he said, "If you really are a big cat, then you'll be able to handle being by yourself for a little while... as long as you don't leave the gates!" He threw in, knowing the kit just might use his words against him. He was 'clever' like that. "What do you say?"

Tugger frowned. "Mhm." It came out in a growl. The Maine Coon wandered around as kittens did—he sniffed out some little interesting discoveries like roaches or crickets that had wandered into the lot and chased them for a bit, but found they weren't nearly as fun as the mice or rats out in the alleyways. He went up to some of the other kits. They were a little older than him, but no older than Munkustrap. Plato was often his playmate, but it was short-lived since he often got pulled aside by Admetus and Alonzo, all three forgetting about the much younger kitten.

"What does Toothy Tugger want?" Asked Alonzo. "We're busy."

"Why are all big cats busy?" He grimaced, annoyed. "Even my brother's no fun anymore!"

"Jennyanydots told me that Munkustrap's gonna be the leader someday!" Said the Angora, excited for his friend. Tugger, however, only sneered.

"I know. But who cares? Dad's the leader now! Munkustrap doesn't have to do anything yet!"

"Your dad says he has to train him." Plato added. The toms had been pushing together bits and boxes to make a little fort; something Munkustrap would much rather be doing right now. "Your brother's the heir, which means you're next in line after him."

"No." Alonzo said knowingly, "Munkustrap's kittens are after him. Then their kittens!" Tugger had no idea what they were even talking about. He was sure if it didn't make sense to him now, it never would. But one day he realized what they'd meant. Munkustrap was heir apparent – the throne was his once their father was gone. Period. No one else's. Rum Tum Tugger was heir presumptive. Should anything happen to Munkustrap before he could have any kittens of his own was the only way the Maine Coon would ever inherit the tribe. Thank God; leadership was far too much work. Anything that required long-term thinking was far from his forte. His life of free-living would be gone, and Tugger couldn't have that.

But that revelation wouldn't come for years. He was just a frustrated kitten that wanted his playful father and brother back. What had changed so suddenly? Had something happened to their father that made him want to take up all of Munkustrap's time? The kitten couldn't even think of a reason so complex. He could only assume Munkustrap was now more important to their father than he was... and it wasn't fair! He didn't ask to be born second!

When they came home one evening, the brooding kitten was sulking alone atop a box, batting his hefty tail rhythmically. Their day had gone surprisingly well, putting them in a good mood. It only infuriated the kitten more.

Munkustrap ran over to him, smiling. "Hey, Tugger!" The grey tom looked surprised. He thought Tugger would be happy to see them done early. He put his paws up on the box's ledge so he could pull himself to eye-level. "Dad and I are finished; do you want to do something?" Normally the kit would be absolutely jubilant and accept the offer, but he'd been too busy thinking of how little he meant to them now. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" Munkustrap went to reach his paw to his and Rum Tum Tugger swiped at him with his claws, hissing.

Munkustrap pulled back. That hadn't been playful at all! Old Deuteronomy creased his brow in both surprise and fury. "Tugger!" He exclaimed. "You don't swipe at your brother!"

"He didn't hurt me–"

"Apologize." Ordered their father, his voice a spectral echo. Tugger did no such thing. He crawled inside the box and hid in the far back. When it was dark, he still didn't leave his spot. He felt somebody watching him and looked to see a pair of sorrowful blue eyes.

"Tugger?" Munkustrap would crawl inside next to him if he could, but he couldn't fit. "You gonna come to bed?" Tugger averted his eyes once again, clearly not wanting to talk. It boggled the Egyptian Mau before him. "Are you mad at me?" He asked, making the Maine Coon realize just how much his actions had made his brother's heart hurt. Despite being only weeks away now from turning seven, the kitten knew how it felt. "I'll leave if you want me to." Before Munkustrap had finished, the kitten crept out and pressed his face into his brother's chest. Not quite a hug, but warrenting one from the older. It made the tabby feel slightly better.

"I love you." Munkustrap whispered before planting a soft kiss to his head. Tugger didn't have any kind words to say. He stubbornly forced himself to stay mad, even as they crawled into bed. He rolled around in a fitful state, only trying to get to sleep. It was that night his brother began to stir and whimper in pain. The kit poked his head up to see his brother's face contorting in pain.

"Munkus, what's wrong?" He asked, forgetting he was supposed to be mad at him. He didn't answer. Instead, his eyes fluttered open and he began to breathe faster than Tugger had ever heard him. Tears started to brink in his eyes, but Munkustrap started rasping and convulsing. The kit went into full panic. Was he dying? "What's wrong?" He shouted, shaking him by his shoulder. "PAPA!" He shrieked as loud as his little lungs could. He didn't want his brother to die. "MUNKUSTRAP'S CHOKING! PAPA!"

Old Deuteronomy had already been charging over. He picked up Munkustrap; he was breathing fine. Just too quickly. "He's fine." He reassured Tugger. He cradled Munkustrap. "My boy. Son, it's okay." He stroked the Mau's face. Tugger wiped his eyes... he didn't even notice he'd been crying. "Shhh..." Old Deuteronomy took another minute or so, then Munkustrap seemed to settle.

"Da...Dad..." The tabby sighed out, coming out of his trance.

"You're fine. You just had a nightmare." The tom presumed, but Munkustrap shook his head and sat up.

"No! It wasn't that. I kept thinking about..." He looked like he didn't want to say what. "I don't know what happened to me. I—" Just to hear him speaking comforted Tugger... how could he have been so mad at him like that? Was it his fault that happened? The kitten jumped into his lap and left him stunned when he folded his arms around him in a hug.

"I'm sorry!" He cried into his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Now Munkustrap was just confused. "Why?"

"Both you boys need some sleep." Said their father. "It's all right now. Tugger, your brother's fine." He rubbed the Maine Coon's shoulder. The rest of the night, however, Rum Tum Tugger was plastered to Munkustrap the rest of the night... and neither minded one bit.

—

Tugger opened his eyes again to the same cold morning, trapped in an even colder body. He still had the blanket over his body along with a paw running up and down his arm. He identified the scent. Bombalurina was still there. Why? Why wouldn't everybody just leave? "You awake?" She asked in a soft voice. He didn't answer. He didn't look at her. He didn't even nudge her paw away even though he wanted to. "You're feeling a bit warmer... and your color's back. That's good." Bombalurina tried to smile, but she couldn't, not while Tugger couldn't. "I'm glad you're okay... I'm glad we found you before it got worse." The most of a response she was going to get was a blink. "It's going to be over soon... Your brother's going to take care of the bastards, and then he's going to get better... those kittens are going to grow up happy and loved..." She was reading every single line of a script she'd rehearsed. It didn't feel authentic. "And you're gonna do what you do best... be rockstar, working your magic on stage, with all the ladies swooning over you."

Was that it? Was that all he was... even to her? She only knew a fraction of him... everyone did... even him.

"Am I a murderer?" Rum Tum Tugger asked, startling Bombalurina. Had she heard him right? "Cats look at me different ever since we brought home my dad... after he was..." She knew what. He swallowed. "They talk about me like I can't hear them... 'he's the one that killed the hidden paw.'" He shivered. Bombalurina tried to put the blanket snug around him, but he shrugged her off. "Then they come up to me like it's all nothing. Like there aren't any chains around me that keep trapped in that night... They're the chains my brother has but he has them so much worse than I do... he thinks he couldn't protect him... and I wanted to protect him, both of them... it's like..." He took a breath. "I wasn't trying to be a hero. I wasn't even thinking of anything else. I just wanted him dead. He took my father away." His eyes went bloodshot and Bombalurina had only been gaping at him the whole time.

The entire ordeal left her breathless. She took the window of silence to quickly say, "You're not a murderer, Tugger!" It fell on deaf ears. "You loved your father and Macavity had it coming!" Tugger shut his eyes and bit his lip... he'd expected to hear that. It only made it hurt so much more. "Tugger, it doesn't matter anymore... Macavity's gone because of you."

"...So is my father." He rasped, giving her no time to answer. "Maybe if I'd been faster he'd still be here... but my father wouldn't have wanted that. Macavity was his son... he would've watched his youngest son murder his oldest... He wouldn't be able to look at me and say he loved me ever again. But he'd still be here. I'd be able to talk to him every day... to see him in the morning," he felt a tear... but ignored it and let it fall, "tell him I'm glad he's here, and then take him to go see Munkustrap and his kittens... I would've promised him I'd stop causing trouble... That he wouldn't end up losing another son... This entire time, I never knew he was so afraid of what I was out doing because he'd already lost his first boy. Not that it mattered." He snorted a somewhat scornful laugh. "Munkustrap and I were his only boys..." He wiped both his eyes. "And now it's just us... It wasn't supposed to be this way."

Bombalurina had been sobbing into her paw, unbeknownst to Tugger. She took a deep breath when she realized he was done speaking, and threw herself to him, saying the first thing that came to mind. "I love you, Tugger." The Maine Coon's fur stood up, completely flustered. "Not like anybody else... Your father loved you. Your brother loves you. I love you! It doesn't matter what you did... when all of this is over, I promise I'll make it better." She wept into his shoulder and Tugger craned his neck to see her.

"Bomba..." He croaked. This wasn't what he'd expected. When she pulled her head up and he saw her heartbroken face, it only made it worse. "I didn't..." What the hell was he supposed to say? This wasn't the time! "I didn't... want that..." They were both embarrassed now. Why had either said anything? Bombalurina just couldn't understand? Did their years of friendship and... everything else mean nothing after all? Why couldn't he see that he meant so much to her? These feelings had been brewing for so long and yet...

She pulled away, escaping out of the den that Tugger was still too weak to leave.