Phone Calls
Bella's POV
I ran up to Edward's room and dropped my bag down. Pulling my phone out, I dialled Alex's number.
"Alex Goodon speaking. Who is this?"
"Alex its Bella."
"Hello Bella. What is it you need, we only spoke on Monday."
"I don't know. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. Someone who understands."
"What's wrong Bella?"
"Have you seen the news?"
"Yes. My wife, she hasn't spoken to me since she saw it."
"You did tell her before though, right?"
"Yes. I explained everything to her and she was angry at first, the depressed. She hasn't forgiven me, but I think she's just pretending it never happened. Now, I think she's just really sad at what I did to you and your life."
"Can you ask her if she'd like to speak to me? I'd like to speak to her."
"Okay. I'll ask her."
I lay back on the bed as I listened to the footsteps on the other end before finally hearing a new voice.
"Hello?"
"Hello. Eloise, its Bella; Bella Swan."
"Oh my god. Bella I'm so sorry for what Alex did to you. What your father put you through. If there is anything I can do please just say."
"Forgive your husband."
"Why Bella? I've heard his story but I want to know yours."
I sighed heavily as I thought about what I would tell her.
"Eloise, if you'd like, come to the court session with your husband on Sunday. You'll find out my side of the story then. Just so you know I'm going to ask for a full pardon for Alex. I don't know if he knows that or not but he doesn't deserve the punishment."
"Who does then Bella?"
"My father for one and the other men. Your husband is different. He looked after me and I know this is going to sound wrong, but I liked being in your house, purely based on the fact that I was fed and taken care off. Your husband cared for me when no one else did. Please just forgive him. He loves you very much but a got a bit lost on the journey. Talk to him about adopting. I think he'd make a fantastic father."
"Did he tell you about that?"
"Yes, you'd be surprised by how much I know about you. He talked about you a lot when we were together. Even though I was there he still thought about you. That's not got to count for something."
"I'll think about it. Thank you Bella. It's been good to hear from you."
"You too Eloise. Can I talk to Alex again please?"
"Of course. Look after yourself Bella and good luck for Saturday."
"Thanks."
Waiting for her to get Alex, I sat against the headboard as I surrounded myself with pillows. I crossed my legs and hung my head, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Hey Bella."
"Hey Alex."
"What's wrong Bella? What's really wrong?"
"I'm just a bit fed up at the moment I guess. The point in going with Edward was so I could be free. I don't feel free. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder expecting to see my father. I'm scared."
"There's no need to be scared Bella. You're safe where you are. Charlie can't get you because he's locked up. He can't get you. There has to be something that you've enjoyed."
"I've had so much fun recently. It's been great to get away from the constant work."
"Why don't you talk to Edward? He cares for you."
"I know. There are just some things that he wouldn't understand. He knows what I've been through but he only knows the numbers not the physical or emotional pain it put me through."
"And you think I know that?"
"No. You just understand more than he does. I'm scared that if I do tell him, then he'd leave me. He'd see how broken I really am."
"Are you together Bella?"
"We're engaged."
"Congratulations Bella. I'm happy for you. I can tell he'll look after you. Don't take this the wrong way, but how do you know he's the one?"
"Lots of people have questioned my feelings for Edward. I understand why you'd ask me that but I'm fed up of everyone thinking that I don't know what I'm doing. I love Edward and he loves me. He hasn't done anything to suggest otherwise and he asked me to marry him. I feel safe with him. Whenever I'm with him he makes sure I'm okay before making sure he's okay. He's my life and I don't want to live without him. I love him."
"I believe you Bella. Trust me when I say this but Edward would want to know how you're feeling. He may be a man and not understand the feelings of a woman but he'd listen and comfort you no matter what. If he really does love you then he will listen. Tell him how you feel. The one thing I wish my wife had told me was how she felt when I stopped thinking about adopting. Talk to him because a real man would want to know."
"Thank you Alex. I know our relationship is confusing and in a way I love you like a father. Since I first met you all those months ago, I've thought about how my life would have turned out if you were my father. Talk to your wife about adopting because I know you'll make a great father."
"I will. I'll see you on Sunday Bella."
"See you Alex."
I held my phone to my ear as I listened to the phone being hung up. Dropping the phone to the bed, I sighed tiredly. My phone started ringing and I looked at the number. It was Adam.
"Hello Adam. What can I do for you?"
"I have some news about your back Bella. About the misjointment in the lower end of your spine."
"What is it? Can you fix it?"
"I've contacted other doctors to see what they think can be done. One doctor in Seattle said that she had a patient with the same condition as you and where they haven't fixed the problem, by going to massage therapy once every other week it has helped when they grew older. I spoke to another doctor and they too had a patient with the same misjointment but further up the spine. Nothing was done for them and they experienced back pains when they became pregnant. This doctor recommended that I speak to a well-known doctor in the medical world and he said that putting ice on your back when you go to bed twice a week should help the disc contract and eventually slide back into place. Is that something you'd be willing to try?"
"Yes. If it will help then I'd like to try."
"I can also set up massage therapy for you. With all the work you do and the boxing, it may be good to go to."
"Okay, thank you."
"It's no problem Bella. I'm your doctor. I'll talk to you more on Sunday. I'm sorry for the news Bella."
"It's fine. I'll see you on Sunday."
"Bye."
He hung up and I lay back on the bed, closing my eyes. As much as I'd like to fix my back, I'm scared. What if it heals but I'm not flexible and can't fight the way I do? What if it doesn't work? What if my spine never heals? What if I do become pregnant with Edward's baby but can't look after it properly? What if I have a miscarriage? What if I can't even get pregnant?
Tears ran down my face as I sat up pulled my knees up to my chest. What if Edward leaves me because I can't give him a child of his own?
"Bella are you coming down soon?"
I heard the door open and footsteps running to me.
"Hey, angel, what's wrong? I've got you. Come here."
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me into his lap. Stroking my hair, he tried to calm me as I buried my face into his neck.
"What's wrong angel? Did someone say something to you?"
"You deserve someone better. You shouldn't be with me. I can't give you what you want."
"Don't say that Bella. You can give me everything I want because I want you. As long as you want me, I'm not going to leave you. I love you Bella, don't ever tell me you aren't good enough for me."
"I'm broken Edward. I'm broken and you need to see that. I can't marry you Edward. You deserve to find a girl that can give you everything you want. I can't marry you and stop you getting that."
"Is that what you really want? You don't want to marry me?"
"I do. I just can't."
"Please Bella, I love you. Let's talk about this. Tell me why you can't marry me."
"I'm no good Edward. You may love me now but in a few years you won't. I can't give you a baby Edward. I'm not strong enough."
"Bella look at me. If you don't look at me I'll make you."
I didn't move but continued to cry into his shoulder. He pulled me away from him and lay me on the bed, holding me down. I looked up at him to see a broken look on his face.
"Bella, you listen to me. I don't care if you can give me a baby or not. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. I don't know what's made you think that you can never give me a baby, but I do know that I love you and still will in fifty years' time."
He moved the hair out of my face and placed his hands under my shirt on my stomach.
"I'm not going to lie Bella, because I'll never be able to lie to you. I'd love it if you would be round with my baby but when the time comes and you can't conceive our baby I don't care, as long as I'm with you I'll be happy. If I'm with another girl and she gives me three healthy babies then yes I'd be happy but I won't ever be as happy as being with you. No one can ever own my heart but you Bella; even if you think you are broken. All that matters to me is that I'm with you. If you really can't marry me then I'll support your decision. I love you though."
I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck as he gazed down at me. My fingers wound into his hair as I pulled him closer to me. I brought his lips to mine, closing my eyes. He pulled away, prying my arms from around his neck.
"Bella, I can't kiss you until you tell me what you want to do."
"I love you. I want to keep this ring. I want to marry you. I want to be your wife. Please, kiss me. I need to know you love me."
"I love you Bella."
He let go of my arms as he brought his lips to mine. I threw my hands into his hair as he cupped the back of my head, holding me to him. The kiss was slow and passionate as my tears ran down my face. His tongue collided with mine as he pressed me into the pillows, his knees on either side of my hips; he lowered his body against mine, showing me his want. I gripped his hair as he started to pull back. He brought his lips back to mine, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I knew he wanted to pull away but he knew that I needed this. Eventually, he pulled back and I let him.
"Thank you Bella. You're my world. Don't ever tell me you can't marry me. I know you love me and want this just as much as me. If you ever seriously consider leaving me, then talk to me about it, don't just tell me that you can't marry me. Do you understand what I'm saying Bella?"
"Yes. I understand. I'm sorry. I'm just scared."
"This is what I want angel. I want you to tell me how you're feeling no matter what. We can talk through it together as fiancés."
"Fiancés."
He pressed his lips to mine and lay down next to me, pulling me into his side. I lay my head on his shoulder as he combed his fingers through my hair.
"Why are you scared my angel?"
"I have a misjointment in my back. One of the disks has slid out from between the vertebrae. It hasn't caused any pain, not yet at least, but my doctor said that it will cause problems when I'm older, or if I become pregnant. I'm scared that I won't be able to give you a healthy baby."
He lay his hand on my head and held me to him.
"Bella, is this affecting you now? Is it causing you physical pain?"
"No."
"Then I don't want you worrying about this. My only concern is that you aren't in any pain at the moment. I don't want you worrying about if you will be able to give me a baby or not. We're young, remember, we said we weren't going to think about having a baby until we both spent at least a year at college. That's more than two years away."
"Okay. Thank you."
"What for my angel?"
"For staying with me; for listening. No one's ever listened to me."
"I'll always listen to you Bella. You're my world and I don't want to ever see you in pain. Did the doctor say anything about fixing your back?"
"Yes. He talked to some doctors and one said that massage therapy didn't help with fixing the problem but it made a woman's pregnancy better and he didn't mention that she faced any serious problems, which I'm taking as a good sign. Another doctor said that putting ice on it twice a week would help contract the disc and eventually it would slip back into place."
"That's good. Are you going to give it a try?"
"I don't know. I want to. If it means having a better chance with a baby in the future then I would like to."
"But?"
"What if it doesn't work? What if it does work but I can't fight like I do now? What if I won't be flexible?"
"Then you need to decide, would you rather try it and be confident when carrying our baby or focus on a career in boxing or gymnastics because I know you could do either? You don't have to decide now but if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you."
More tears started to run down my cheeks as I gripped his shirt.
"I love you Edward."
"I love you too Bella."
I looked up at him to see a calm look on his face. He smiled down at me, as he massaged the back of my head. Closing my eyes, I relaxed into his side, laying my hand flat on his chest. He held me to him as we lay together silently.
"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, not really. I was just scared."
"I know Bella. It's okay now. We're still going to get married and have a happy life together. I know you didn't mean it; it was just hard to listen to. No matter what you say Bella, I will always love you and want what's best for you. There's no need to be scared. I'm not going to let you get hurt."
"You always know what to say."
"I just speak the truth."
He moved his hand down my back and lay it near the base of my spine.
"Do you know where the problem in your spine is?"
"Yes."
"Can you show me where abouts it is?"
"Sure. You can't see anything; it's only an internal problem."
"Okay."
I got up and made my way to his walk in closet, pulling my top over my head. Edward followed me, wrapping his arms around my waist when I stopped in front of the mirror. I turned round in his arms so my back was facing the mirror.
"It's about there."
I pointed to the base of my back, around the area of the misjointment. He lay his hand where I pointed, and rubbed gentle circles. Laying my head on his shoulder, I wrapped my arms around his waist. We stood together for a while as Edward continued to look at me in the mirror before leading me back to his bed.
"Lie down Bella."
I lay down on my front as he sat between my legs. He pulled my shorts down slightly as he started to massage my back. Crossing my arms over, I placed them under my head, looking to the side. I moaned as he pushed his hands over my shoulders, unclipping my bra.
"You like that do you angel?"
"Yeah. It feels good. Thank you."
"No problem angel. You've been stressed and scared too much recently. I'm just trying to help you. Relax."
He pressed a kiss to each of my shoulder blades and the middle of my back as he massaged my hips. As he moved his hands up and down my back I started to fall asleep. Instead of waking me up, he let me drift between the state of being asleep and awake.