Ch. 36

Ok so sorry for the shortness, but I wasn't actually planning on updating so find yourself lucky. And bad news, my computer is broken! I actually wrote this on my iPod so updates might be less frequent because I have to write this on my iPod. Well hope you like the chapter... Oh and sorry for the bipoloarness... The mood changes alot

Mandy

Last night= happy Cato and happy Katniss.

Cato realizing I have tattoos= angry Cato.

Like I said, last night was awesome. But when Cato woke up this morning and discovered me having tattoos wasn't some sex induced vision... He was not happy with me.

No. He was pissed off. I could feel when he woke up because his whole body stiffened when he saw my neck. The little pink bow.

"Why do you have a tattoo on your neck?" Cato whisper yells. "and what's this behind your ear?"

"Uh..." I began, still half asleep.

"Are there others?" he demands. I stay quiet. "Katniss." he says.

"Yes." I whisper.

"Yes what?"

"Yes there are others."

"Katniss..." Cato whines. He pulls away from my waist and sits up, dragging his hand across his face.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"But your not." he states. And it's true. I'm not sorry that I got tattoos. I'm sorry for how I got them, but not because I got them.

"Then I'm not. I'm not sorry I got them. I'm sorry that you just cant except the fact." I slam my hands down on the sheets and push my self off the bed.

"Katniss wait!" Cato calls after me. I freeze in my place which was halfway out the door and pivot my feet. "Look, I'm disappointed that you got tattoos but I'll get over it. I'll learn to love them as much as you." he says. I slowly walk back to the bed and sit in front of him. I peel down some of my underwear to show him the first tattoo I got.

"This was my first one." I whisper. I look back up at Cato and he looks dazed. His hand slides out and his finger starts tracing my tattoo.

"I love it." he whispers, still tracing the tattoo.

"I was hoping you would." he looks up and smiles at me. His hand reaches up to my face and cups my cheek. "They're not pointless tattoos." I tell him. "Well maybe the stars, elephant and bow. I wasn't fully mentally there for those ones." I mutter the last part, then slap my hand over my mouth realizing what I just said.

"What does that mean?" Cato asks. I give him a sheepish smile

"Nothing." I lie terribly.

"Katniss I thought we didn't lie to each other." I just look down and don't respond. Cato starts rubbing circles on my cheek with his thumb. "Please tell me." he whispers.

"Your going to be upset." I choke out.

"Well either way your going to be upset so you might as well just tell me the truth." he states.

"I was drunk." I mumble.

"What?" he asks.

"I was drunk." I whisper.

"Katniss speak up!" he shouts.

"I was drunk ok? I went out with Madge, got drunk, and got tattoos!"

"Katniss," Cato says disappointed, which makes my heart drop.

"I'm not proud of it either. I'm really not." I tell him. I can feel the tears start to rise up in my eyes. Cato just does the only thing that could comfort me right now. He wraps his arms around and me and pulls me into him. I start sobbing into his chest. "I've been so lost without you. I couldn't even thing straight. All I would think about was you and worry. And I-" I cut myself as I sob some more. "I would get drunk with Madge every night and try to not think about you, numb myself but it never worked." I sob out. I shake my head, and Cato continues to hold my shaking body. "I'm so sorry." I cry out.

"Shh." Cato says, stroking my hair. "Katniss I'm not going to tell you ok because it's not, but it will get better. I promise."

"But I can't not think about you. And when I try not to I drink, and I lose myself." I sob out. "I lost myself again." I whisper. I start to pull away and wipe my face.

"Katniss. Your not even 21." he reminds me.

"I know." I sob again.

"Have you ever though of rehab?" he asks. I shake my head frantically.

"Please don't make me go to one. Please. They remind me too much of hospitals. I can't- just please don't make me go. Please."

"Calm down. I won't make you go." he says. I sigh with relief and lean back into his chest. "How did Gale let Madge get away with it. Let you get away with it?" he asks. I shrug.

"I'm not sure. I think Gale was just too tired. He would try to talk to us about it by we would either be piss drunk or hungover and just not wanna talk about it. I almost got another tattoo last night and drank. Gale stopped me though and told me you wouldn't be happy with me."

"Smart boy." Cato says.

"And he told Madge if she came home drunk again with another tattoo that he was going to leave her." I sigh. I feel my eyes puffiness.

"Well here's what we're going to do." Cato starts. "If you ever think about drinking again, think of me and how disappointed I would be. Ok? You gotta stay strong while I'm not here."

"I know. I know I did the exact opposite." I tell him.

"Well that's what we're going to have to try."

"I don't wanna say goodbye again." I tell him.

"I know love," he kisses my forehead. "I don't either. You don't think I don't think about you all the time? It's so distracting sometimes, but I just push through it and whenever I find myself going through a tough time, I just think of it as one more step back home." he tells me.

"I love you." I tell him.

"I love you too."