"Derek please; you have to let me do this." I was chasing the Chief again; except this time it was through the pit. He was resisting me all of the way; I was hoping he was concerned about my health rather than my ability.

"This is my hospital and I make the decisions." He walked towards the admission desk and picked up a chart.

"I've done everything you asked of me. I'm ready to do this." I tried to get him to look at me but he kept moving so I couldn't; I could barely get him to answer a question.

He thrust the chart in his hand into an intern. "You might think that; but I'm the one signing this off, so it's up to me." He stated curtly.

"Have you been making me run in circles for nothing?" I was exasperated and reaching the end of my tether.

"I want you to be fully prepared." He sounded so patronising. "I want you to be ready to take this on." I should have never mentioned that I was experiencing some residual back pain. It only affected me when I was standing for long periods of time in the OR; Derek caught me stretching out during one of our surgeries. It was twelve hours long; what did he expect?

"I can't be any more prepared Derek; I've read every journal, textbook and theory. I've summarised, re-evaluated and categorised everything for you. I've filled enough forms to publish an epic novel. What more do you want from me?" I begged for an answer without referencing my back; if he wanted to bring it up I would defend it, but I wasn't going to sell myself short straight away.

"I want you to be organised." He said flatly.

"That's just another word for prepared!" He turned his back on me and started talking to someone else. "So you're going to ignore me? Chief or not; you're an ass!" I stalked out of the ER and left him behind; I was relieved when I got to the elevator and I was alone.

I was heading back to my office when I saw Arizona in the MRI viewing suite; I chose to go see her instead of stewing on my own, maybe it was a subconscious attempt to absorb some of her cheerfulness. I greeted her and instinctively looking at the computer screens she was facing to find out what was going on.

"Whoa; look at the size of that liver." It was huge; pushing the diaphragm up and probably affecting the breathing of whoever it was.

"I know; it's inflamed and infected. She needs a transplant." Her disappointment was tangible. She was slumped into her chair resting her cheek on a clenched fist.

"Parents?" They were the most obvious place to start for a match; and judging by her dejected demeanour they were no good.

"Alcoholics; she was born with cirrhosis." She exhaled quietly.

"Siblings? Family?" I offered.

"None." I could tell by her voice she had already considered my train of thought.

"And UNOS won't put her on the list because of the parents?" I had the kid's file in my hands; they had denied the request to put her on the list. I sat down on the wheelie chair next to her and scooted closer to her. "Why not?"

"When we tested her she had alcohol in her system." She just shrugged; what more could she say? I can't imagine having to deal with sick children on a day to day basis; I love kids and I want my own, but having to see them like this would kill me.

"You've got to be kidding me." I scanned through her chart again; how she was still with them I don't know, god knows was child services were playing at.

"They did it to stop her crying." I could hear the anguish in Arizona's voice as she leant forward.

"Seriously?" I was flabbergasted.

"She was going cold turkey." I read her admission note from the ER; she was admitted with a fever and seizures.

"Oh god." I said softly. We both reclined into our seats; staring into the imaging room, the machine had finished scanning and was cycling through the final sequence.

"See when you say that it almost sounds like you're talking to him." She swung on her chair to turn away from the monitor and face me; I had learnt quickly that Arizona had ways and means of extracting information out of anyone, she could work for the FBI if the medicine thing didn't work out.

"Sometimes I am." A little remnant from my childhood I had yet to shake off; Catholicism has a tendency to stick around.

"You believe? Interesting." A little smile crept onto her lips; she had turned her attention on to me for a brief respite.

"Because of the heart thing?" It was usually about the heart thing; lots of doctors don't get it. "I was brought up Catholic, it wasn't a personal choice." It was the nuns.

"I'm sure your parents thought it was a good idea." She joked.

"They might have; but I wouldn't know." I suspected she thought they had died; so to save her the uncomfortable feeling that was creeping up on her face, I told her straight. "I'm adopted." Dr Wyatt would be proud.

"Oh." More awkwardness.

"They were really young; still in high school, they were probably scared." And let's be honest; my life would be significantly different, maybe I would have still become a surgeon but all I know I have never felt the need to go find them.

"So you're adopted then?" She politely kept her voice balanced between pushy and interested.

"I am indeed; my parents, my parents, adoptive parents, are amazing. They took me on at fifteen; even with the warnings from the agency." I wasn't the ideal adoption candidate.

"You were a bad girl?" Her face cracked into a grin.

"I was a bad bad Catholic girl with a penchant for chaos and trouble; they sorted me out and here I am." I presented myself in a game show manner.

"How you're not a quivering mess all of the time I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders and clicked to save the images to the database.

"I refused to let my childhood affect me; I didn't want that to be the sum of my life, and it helped that I have a great family." I relaxed into an easy smile.

"Yeah; I noticed, those boys are so protective of you." She was right and the realisation made me feel a bit guilty about shouting at Derek. She stood up first and I followed; her patient was being lifted into a wheelchair. "Thanks."

"For what? I should be thanking you for listening." I was the one monopolising her time.

"Thank you for telling me; I'm honoured." I hugged her briefly and we both turned back to the little girl being wheeled out.

"You know I called the chief an ass." I had to break the seriousness somehow; Dr Wyatt would want to hear about this.

0o0

"You called Derek an ass?" Mark had finally heard about the ER.

"He deserved it!" I picked up some noodles with my chop sticks and fed myself; me and Mark had invited everyone around to ours for takeout. I had chosen Thai from the place around the corner and Mark had done the same; everyone else seemed to pick something different. A million and one delivery guys buzzed for our apartment.

"Yeah, maybe; but in the ER?" He sounded disappointed.

"I know it wasn't the best place, but I have been chasing him around the hospital for weeks." I defended my actions.

"There's a time and place. Stop chasing him." He delved into his carryout box and retrieved a piece of chicken. I felt a little deflated but he had a point I suppose; I was hounding Derek, I was chasing the wrong person. Maybe I had to find another hospital to let me do the clinical trial instead.

"You're right." I tailed off into a brainwave.

"Why do you look like that? You're up to something when you look like that." Mark noticed.

"It's nothing." I kept my voice light. Now I need to find another hospital. I swatted Mark away and went to get a drink; I searched through the open bottles of wine to find something to match my food.

"I'll get it." Callie went to answer the buzz and let whoever in; she returned to her seat after ensuring the door was unlocked.

"Derek." Owen threw a bottle of beer at him as soon as he entered the apartment.

"Hey Mer." Cristina called out with a mouth full of food while scooting up to make room for her.

I was tempted to hide away in my bedroom when Derek arrived; instead he made a beeline for me, so I didn't have that option. "We need to talk." His tone was solemn.

"I don't think so." But I didn't have a choice, he showed me outside into the hallway. It was an attempt to stop people listening in, but I knew as soon as the door closed they would all be pressed up against it. "Derek; this is hospital business. It surely needs to stay in the hospital."

"I know you think I don't trust you to do this; I do, but I need to be convinced that you and your health are up to it." My recovery rate had been excellent; I had the odd twinge now and then but that was managed with exercise. The only part of the recuperation that had annoyed me was that the anti-depressants I was on meant I couldn't take the pill any longer...not the end of the world by any means. But when the opportunity, ahem, arises it was nice forgoing the thirty seconds of pocket searching and deployment.

"Don't bring 'my health' into this; it's irrelevant now, you stitched me up. If I have any health problems it's your fault." I had to get that in; he kept going on about my back, but he was the one who operated.

"I want success." He was being pigheaded.

"That's a crap excuse. You know that I can't guarantee it; you've been here before, you know what it's like." They didn't need to have their ear up against the door now because our voices were getting steadily louder.

"I don't know what to say to you; I'm trying to give you the space to heal, you are well aware that recovery is a long process. Failure now is not something I want to okay." I should be grateful; I should be so grateful I have a friend like this. I tried but couldn't force such feelings to the surface.

"How can I prove to you that I can do this?" There was a lot of wild gesturing going on between us. "We've both been through crappy clinical trials; but this, my idea is going to work." Worn out with this argument I began pacing about. "I can't promise you success Derek; you know that, but I know this is going to work. If you hadn't cut me open; would you let me do this?"

"Yes; but..." I could see the desperation in his eyes to figure out what to say.

"But nothing; I'll let you know if things get worse, just let me try." I interrupted him so he didn't have to find another excuse. I know Mark wanted me to stop chasing Derek; but I literally couldn't let his go, I needed something else in my life and at the moment this was filling the gap.

"Okay." He agreed reluctantly and I leant in, acting unprofessionally, to give him a hug. I was so relieved that I could get the ball rolling now; I couldn't do anymore research, I had even tapped Lexipedia for information. "But you have to be honest with me."

"I promise; I'm not letting anything jeopardise this."And boy was I serious about that promise.

We both re-entered the apartment; giving people time to get back to their seats, their overly nonchalant faces gave them away. Derek followed in behind and sat next to Meredith and Cristina. I returned to my now cold Gaeng Panang and carefully downed my glass of white wine without anyone seeing. In celebration of course.

I didn't feel that rubbing my glee in Derek's face was the right way to go; so I excused myself meekly and took off to the bathroom. But as I tried to shut the door a familiar hand slipped around the edge.

"Feel better now?" He uttered bitterly as he stepped into the tiled room. He had asked me to leave Derek alone and he obviously took our exchange as me having a go.

"Oh yes." I refused to look at him but continued to smile until he twigged what was going on. "Much better."

"He said yes?" The anticipation flooded his voice; I was so glad he was excited, I had been a pain to live with recently. "He did didn't he?"

"He did. I've got my clinical trial." He embraced me in all consuming kiss; my mind was flooded. He kissed me deeply; starting softly then as his tongue moved over my lips I forgot about the clinical trial, about everything.

"So I guess you're going to be even more unbearable now." He joked; making reference to me being annoying.

"Yes; but this level of unbearability comes with dirty sex." I ran my hand down his chest and tugged on his belt. I had been so stressed and up so late that I usually fell into bed at some ungodly hour; I had definitely been a bad girlfriend recently. "So now you can stop moaning."

"Yeah; the thing about that, the dirty sex kind of makes that inevitable."