Ana's POV

KATE!

I blink my eyes open and a short blonde is babbling at me.

Where's Kate?

Christian hovers above me spouting something about promises and waking up. My body aches, I feel like something has torn through me. My stomach, oh God, I'm gonna be sick! I pull my hand from his grasp and stare into his soft gray eyes.

"Kate, I want Kate." I try to sit up and the pain lances through me like a hot knife through butter. "Aaaarrrggghhh" I cry out.

"Ana! Lie down you'll tear your stitches" Christian admonishes me. I blink confused.

"Stitches? I'm fine, I need to get to Kate, and Sawyer oh God all that blood..." I tail off as the voice of ice chills me to the core. "Mia, she was there. It went black, she made me beg for Kate's life then it went black. Am I dead? Is this heaven? You look like an angel, you glow..."

"Ana?" He sounds worried. "Your not dead, don't you remember? Kate's okay, she's unhurt. You were sort of shot twice one bullet got stuck in your thigh and the other in your bowel, I know they removed them both. Your probably hazy from the anaesthetic."

"I need to see Kate! NOW!" I demand like a petulant five year old. Short fat nurse appears.

"Miss Steele, you seem to be quite alert now, we will be moving you to a ward where you will need constant monitoring. The surgery on your bowel was extensive and with the bullet being pulled from your femur too, you will be on bed rest for at least a week until your wounds have healed over and then you'll not be able to do much for five weeks after that. You had major abdominal surgery young lady. now lie down and be a good girl. I'll see if Miss Kavanaugh can be brought to you." Her tone changes from soft to sharp very quickly, at least she's not one of those yes people!

"I would like to see her now" I push.

"I'm sure you would but you need to be moved and you need rest. Its MY JOB to make sure both those things happen first." She states firmly.

I sigh the haze is lifting from round me like the fog receding across a loch in the morning. My head throbs as I try to puzzle out what happened. My life feels fractured, I'm a jigsaw with pieces missing and no matter how hard I try I can't make out the bigger picture.

Kate's POV

ANA!

I wake in a cold sweat, the nightmarish visions receding from view. Those eyes, those glassy frozen eyes, lifeless staring eyes, they haunt me now. Every moment I can see them with every blink I take, they reach out to me, begging me to save them, but I can't! I need to, but I can't! Ana will know what to do. She'll make it better, she always does.

Ana's POV

"Okay Miss Steele, I'm going to move you to your room now." I nod at the small woman, she releases breaks under the bed and another woman helps wheel me along a corridor. I end up on the third floor in an enormous room. I can tell this is a new room as it smells of the new smell. I'm pushed in towards a large bed.

"Right Ana, if you hold still we will slide you over, don't move yourself." A familiar voice tells me. I look up and its Grace.

"On my count" bossy bitch takes over "one, two, three, slide" they glide me over to what appears to be a double bed. Grace moves all the wires and tubes that are connected to me.

"I'll finish up here Gloria" she dismisses, short, dumpy, bossy bitch. She hangs the IV bag and plugs me into the monitors, I see her fumble with something beneath the bed. I try to move to see what it is. "Just your catheter Ana" I flush pink. The door pushes open and a nurse pushes a wheelchair into the room. I'd recognise that hair anywhere.

"Kate?" I ask

"ANA!" She jumps from the chair and dives onto the bed beside me. The nurse and Grace leave us to have our moment. She sobs so hard, I feel her tears running down my chest meeting mine and flowing like a river. I stroke her hair and shush her. "I knew you'd save me, I knew it" she whispers as her eyes flutter shut.

I cozy down and try to get a bit of sleep, memories come back to me haunting my rest. I wake up screaming, feeling the weight of Sawyers dead body pinning me to the ground. I push and shove till the weight is gone and I can breathe. I open my eyelids and I'm in the hospital room. Kate is laying beside me still asleep, muttering things. She sits bolt upright and let's out a blood curdling scream, before she rips of her nightwear.

"Mia, please. No don't hurt me! Not my baby please! Ana!"

I press for the nurse and pull Kate's now slumped weeping body towards me.

"I'm right here Kate. I've got you. Your safe now." I whisper in her ear.

Her eyes pop open and she stares at me. "She was sorry... in the end, she said sorry." She sobs harder almost mourning the loss. I can't do much but hold her.

A nurse pops in.

"Everything okay?" Why are all the employees so bloody bright and bubbly here?

"I want Eli." Kate lifts her head and makes eye contact with bright and bubbly, "I want him NOW!" She yells, talk about 360° mood swings!

Kate's POV

I need Elliot, more now than I think I've ever needed him. I ease myself out of Ana's bed holding what's left of my pyjamas around me. I go to the other bed and find a small bag containing some clothes that look like they might fit me.

"Are these mine?" I turn to Ana.

"I think so, the nurse that brought you in put them there." She replied.

I begin to dress.

"Ana?"

"Yeah?" She flops her head on her pillows.

"Thanks", I pull on the maternity jeans and frilly pink maternity top, I swear if Eli picked this I'm gonna kill him!

"What for Kate?" She looks at me with a bemused expression.

"You saved my life. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for me. I can never repay that." I reply seriously. She looks taken aback.

"You don't have to honey, I love you, your my best friend and I would do it again for you." I can tell she's being completely sincere. "Unless your wearing that outfit! That is bloody awful!" She giggles.

I laugh too, it feels good, we don't even notice the door open until I do a twirl.

"Katie!" Eli' s arms hold me tightly. "I thought I'd lost you baby."

"I thought I'd lost me too. I'm not well Eli, but this isn't the type of hospital I need. I think I need a psychiatrist or psychologist to help me understand what I've been through and how to process it."

"I will get you whatever you need, I need you well for our baby and for yourself." I knew he'd understand.

"There's a new treatment facility, with world renowned specialists just opened about two miles from our new house. I want to go there."

"I'll arrange it for you then. We should be back in Scotland in a week or so." My heart sinks.

"No Eli. I'm going now. I can't wait for this. I'm going to speak to the doctor about flying and if it's safe I'm going tonight." He looks crushed but I can't think about him now, me and the baby are my priorities.

"Eli, If I'm unwell it could pass onto bubba. I can't bare that thought."

"Your right Katie , I'll make some calls and find your doctor." He walks silently from the room his head bowed.

"Your doing the right thing honey, he'll see that, it just might take some time." Ana's words echo in my ears.

"I don't have time, I'm falling apart. I shut my eyes and I'm in that room, I can smell it, I feel the stickiness on my flesh, my clothes, my hair. I see you fall down, you look dead. He throws himself over you and then. BANG! BANG! I see his eyes, devoid of emotion staring at me. I believe you are dead too, I'm on my own with her. I see her sneering, hear her laugh and then, to top it all I feel her pain Ana! That's the worst bit, I see it playing across her face, like her mask falls away. I see her tortured soul laid bare to me. She looks me straight in the eye as she throws one gun away, gives me a message for her family then blows her own brains out. That is the scenario that plays out every time I close my eyes! So as much time as Elliot wants for himself, I can't give him it. I just can't." I feel myself falling as the sobs rack my body. I'm lifted onto the bed, a sharp stab in the arm and I'm gone again, into the never ending darkness.

Ana's POV

Kate is melting down in front of me, I press my call button again and again and again. Hurry the fuck up. I feel so useless as she tells me what plays on her mind. Elliot is standing in the doorway as she lets rip, Christian just behind him. The pained expressions on their faces are as clear as day. Kate is screeching now, her whole body convulsing with every sob she lets go. I see her knees buckle from beneath her. Eli pounced and caught her. The two brothers lift her onto the bed, she's still screaming. Tears are flowing down my face. Then the doctor comes in and injects Kate. She takes Elliot out to the hall to have a chat.

"Is she okay?" I ask Christian, who is loitering between us both.

"I don't know Ana. She's asleep if that's what you mean." He wipes away the tears that have escaped his eyes.

Bright and bubbly nurse walks back in, pushing a machine on a trolley towards Kate.

"What are you doing to her?" I pounce.

"It's a foetal monitor, we need to be sure baby is coping with mommy's emotional state."

She proceeds to put two large elastic bands round Kate's beautiful bump. She plugs them in and the room is filled with a whooshing noise.

"What's that? Is that Kate's baby?" The nurse nods but doesn't smile. Gone is bright and breezy. I shiver.

"You okay baby? Cold?" I shake my head as not so bright and breezy rushes out the room.

"Something's wrong, I can feel it."

Bright and breezy is back with another nurse and a doctor, Elliot has joined them. Another trolley is wheeled into the room. They pull a privacy curtain around the bed.

The whooshing stops abruptly. I listen to the hushed voices.

"I want Ana's opinion, she'll know what Kate would do." Elliott voice booms. The curtain is pulled back. I see a probe being pushed into Kate's bump and the image of a baby on the screen.

"What's wrong Elliot, what's wrong with the baby?"

"They think," his voice breaks "that she has cancer"

"Kate?" The tears drip from my eyes.

"No, the baby. She has a growth on her back, they want to deliver her now." The pain radiates off him in waves. I look over at Kate.

"Your not taking my baby" Kate's eyes jump open and her arms encompass her bump. "I'll never forgive you if you let them do this Eli..." She slumps back down, into exhaustion.

"You heard her back off, leave my fiancée alone!" Elliot tells them.

"We can't let her go to term with this pregnancy, it's too risky for her and your daughter." The doctor argues. "The baby's heart is already showing signs of trouble, be that from your partners emotional state or the growth, we don't know. My professional recommendation is to deliver at 34 weeks."

"I'll keep that in mind, now can she fly?"

"Her mental state is questionable but as for the baby, a flight couldn't cause any more harm." I think this doc knows when he's beaten.

"Get me her discharge papers then, and a fit to fly note for the airline" Eliot barks at bright and breezy. She shuffles off out the room.

"You can use the GEH plane. I'll have a nurse on board for you." Christian offers.

"Thanks bro, can you explain to Mom and Dad about missing Christmas."

"Yeah sure, your not going to the funeral then?" He enquires

"Hell no! Did you not hear Kate? Anyway my future wife and child are at risk here, I need to get them well before I even consider thinking about Mia." Elliot's impassioned words fill me with hope, I'm glad Kate found him, they are perfect together.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx

It's been a week since Kate has left, she's had scans of the baby done at Yorkhill Hospital by the eminent Dr. Rolon, a specialist in neonatal birth defects. The baby has a large cyst that will be removed shortly after birth. Kate has been in the treatment facility and Elliot assures us she is doing much better. I've been seeing Dr Flynn about what has happened and although it's hard to talk about and I still have nightmares, it's getting better. I got home yesterday, and thank God for Internet shopping or else I'd have nothing for anyone! I'm walking with a cane, I feel kind of stupid but, if it's good enough for doctor Gregory House on TV then it's good enough for me too!

Gail has been amazing too, she brought me a meal every night I was in the hospital! She also wrapped all my gifts for me, I swear she's the older sister I never had, it's weird that's she's only 31 and widowed. She told me the story of Mr Jones and how he was in the army. I automatically assumed he'd been killed in Iraq or Afghanistan or some other war, but no he was on leave and he was stabbed in the street. The knife had punctured his heart. Gail was only 23 then, four years later she started working for Christian and met Jason Taylor and the rest is history.

Carrick has been to see me, he got home the day Kate and Elliot left. He told me stories about Christian as a child, and how he couldn't say Elliot so called him Lelliot! How cute is that? He also apologised to me for Mia. There was no need for that and I told him so.

Grace has been in and out all the time, between her and Mum they have the fussing all taken care of.

Mum and Dad come in every day with Scarlett. She seems to grow every night, and she is a beautiful child. I'm not allowed to hold her which makes me sad, but I know I will soon.

Christian has been strangely absent, even when he's been here it's like he's somewhere else. I can only assume it's his work bugging him. He's back full time at the helm and looks more stressed than I've ever seen him. He keeps the mood light when he does talk, and if I ask about work I'm shut down very quickly. I've stopped asking, he'll tell me when he's ready to share.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

We are speeding along the road to Bellevue on Christmas day. Christian is brooding out the window, ignoring me again. He barely spoke to me at all yesterday.

"Penny for them?"

"Huh?" He looks over at me.

"Your thoughts. Penny for them" I repeat.

"It's nothing, just some work stuff." He sighs.

"If you want to talk, you know where I am." He turns back to the window, resting his head against it. We sit in silence, with a gulf the size of the grand canyon growing between us.

Christian's POV

I rest my head against the window and watch the scenery whizz by. This last week has been awful. I couldn't look at Ana for the shame I felt, let alone talk to her. GEH has slipped too, Mia seems to have weaved some tangled webs a few look almost illegal, fortunately dad has paperwork to prove I wasn't there. There are also a few million dollars missing, I've had Welch and Barney going through all employees hired by her and looking into all the deals signed off by her. There is something very wrong with the ones I've seen. Companies bought and sold with tiny profit margins, yet I know the companies were bought for less and sold for more, she's been skimming money, but as yet I haven't found it. The Seattle police department have been sniffing round. They know there have been bogus deals going through my company, but as I'm cooperating fully and have the paperwork proving I wasn't here, they are happy to let me chase the money myself. Barney is working with S.P.D's fraud team. They are due to report to me within the next two weeks. I have a strong feeling of instability and Ana hasn't been here. I can't burden her with all this shit floating about in my head. She has enough to deal with on her own.

"Penny for them?"

"Huh?" I pretend not to hear her.

"Your thoughts. Penny for them" She smiles patiently at me. I can't put this on her

"Its Nothing. It's just some work stuff." I turn away from her before she can press me more. Ana could get blood out a stone.

Next week I have two funerals to attend. The first is Luke Sawyer's, the man that saved my Ana's life. I wish I could have repaid him in some other way than giving him the greatest send off possible.

The other one will be the hardest day of my life. I have to bury my baby sister, I've been talking through my feelings of confusion with Flynn. How can I still want to mourn the monster that tried to ruin my life?

I've been worried sick about Katherine and Elliot, I saw how much her ordeal scarred her. It caused me to have flashbacks to that little cottage of hell with Maria and Jack. I know exactly how she feels. Then to have that incompetent fool tell them their baby had cancer?! I gave a very large donation to the Yorkhill Hospital for the best doctor in the world to see them. When Ana and I have children we will have them there.

Ana and I? Who am I kidding? We are barely speaking. I'm scared to share a bed with her. My heart breaks every time I see her. I should have prevented this, I should have protected her, not Sawyer. I should have died in that apartment. Every time I look at her the guilt washes over me, followed by the shame that I have hurt her in every way possible, yet I can't leave her. She deserves so much better than I can ever give her, but I need her, more than the air I breathe. I suffocate when she's not around, but there is an open chasm between us, sucking up our entire world, a chasm that won't close until Mia's final acts of revenge are laid bare.

A/N: Not long to go now. This story will finish at the strike of midnight on 31st December. There may be a sequel depending on the reactions at the end of this one. Big, huge shout out to princessrolon for being my wonderful beta and sounding board! Also thanks to my girls in Fifty Shades of Grey Fanfiction Group on Facebook. You all know who you are!

Thanks for reading if you could take two seconds to leave a review, even if it's just one word you'd make my day.

See you soon as my muse has got itself back in gear!

CarrieJ x