Poor Thorin. Nothing goes smoothly.

Chapter 38: Thorin Chases His Heart

All the dwarves of Erebor assembled in front of Thorin as he stood before his throne to make an announcement. He stood with one foot forward and his hands clasped behind his back as he waited impatiently. Many in the crowd who knew him from old commented again on how unlike his father he looked. Thrain was a bull of a man with a large waistline, coarse features, and wiry hair, and his power came from prodigious physical strength and plenty of bluster. His wife, however, was a rare and elegant beauty with high cheekbones; even, white teeth; full lips; flowing ebony hair; and thick-lashed, crystal gray eyes that could spark with anger or sparkle with affection and amusement. She commanded respect and allegiance through brilliance of mind and immense charisma, and her smile was said to be like a bolt of lightning—never forgotten once it appeared. It was her smile that first struck Thrain dumb and stupid, and she laughed at his fumbling attempts to court her, but his uncharacteristic humility and gentleness with her won her heart and hand.

The men said proudly that Thorin inherited the strength of his father and recalled his battle skills, but the women goggled over his striking features, which were clearly a very masculine version of his mother. Many of the younger women had never seen their king this close before since Thorin kept to himself and his trusted circle of advisors at Ered Luin, and their hearts fluttered at his regal bearing and powerful presence.

Thorin looked sternly over the crowd, and hushed whispers of older dwarves wondered if war or disaster was in the offing. The people waited anxiously before their somber king until Balin stepped forward on the platform with Grace, who wore a gold silk gown with a wide v-neckline. She wore her circlet, and her hair was gathered and twisted into a single coil that fell down her back. On seeing her, Thorin's face broke into a boyish grin revealing seldom-seen dimples, and the crowd roared with excitement. Grace turned to flash a dazzling smile of her own before Balin led her to Thorin who took her hand, bowed gracefully over it, and kissed it. Then he raised his hands, and crowd stilled instantly.

"It is my great honor to announce to you all that Lady Grace has promised to be my wife," he said proudly in deep, ringing tones.

The shouts and noise from the huge crowd prevented him from saying anything else, and Grace elegantly curtsied to the people, blew a kiss, and then with a sly grin surprised Thorin by throwing herself into his arms and kissing him on the mouth. The crowd roared and hooted its approval despite the breach of royal protocol, and Thorin lifted her off the ground and kissed her soundly. The men stamped their feet and cat-called while the women squealed and stared in wonder at their solemn king acting the impassioned lover. When he finally put her down, he snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her to his side.

"You minx!" he said teasingly into her ear. "How will I ever maintain my royal dignity now?"

She looked at him coyly as she squeezed his hand.

"But now you will have even more appeal since the women have seen how very handsome you are when you smile," she said as she looked out into the crowd. "In fact, I think a few have swooned."

Thorin shook his head chuckling.

"No, those were some of the men," he said, and he kissed her hand again before he turned to the crowd.

"I could not be prouder of you all for how you have welcomed Lady Grace," he said smiling, "and now I call upon you to assist and protect her as your future Queen Under the Mountain."

Then he dismissed the crowd. The dwarf men walked away with a new spring in their stride while the women gossiped over their handsome king and his changed demeanor.

In the days after the announcement, work continued throughout the fortress as all remnants of Smaug's presence were slowly erased. The bottom level where the great dragon lived was finally cleaned and repaired, and the treasure resorted and moved into the vaults. Thorin walked contentedly through Erebor as he reflected that all his hopes and dreams were answered.

She will be my wife, and we will live here for the rest of our lives, he thought with great satisfaction. I can love her openly now, and no one will ever come between us again.

As he walked toward the front gate, he saw some women struggling to carry sacks of grain and vegetables destined for the kitchens. An older woman wrestled with her load, and Grace walked up to her, spoke a few words, and shouldered her burden with a smile. Thorin was too far away to hear her as the older woman shook her head vehemently and reached to take the sack from her, but Grace put out her hand and kissed her on the cheek. Thorin burned with anger as he watched her balance the heavy sack on her back, and he strode toward them with a scowl on his face. But as he neared them, she looked up and smiled so happily that his breath caught and he could not help smiling in return.

"Where are the porters, ladies?" he asked as his anger ebbed away. The women blanched at being addressed directly by him and looked down at their feet.

"They're stabling the horses, Thorin," Grace answered cheerfully, "and the women wanted to get started on the evening meal, so they didn't wait."

He gazed at her adoringly, and the women inwardly sighed. Then he saw two other women struggling with their sacks.

"Allow me," he said as he took the sacks from them. The women gawked at his strength as he easily slung the heavy bags over his shoulder and scooped the locks of his hair around his neck.

"My lord!" the women cried, but he waved their concerns away.

"Lead on!" he said smiling, and the dwarves were treated to the unheard-of sight of their king and future queen carrying groceries to the kitchens. When they put down their bags, Thorin kissed the women's hands and complimented them on their dedication. They blushed at his charm and deep, velvety voice and stared down at their hands giggling after Thorin and Grace left.

"They may never wash their hands again," she teased as they walked out into the hall. "Half of Erebor—the female half anyway—will be in love with you if you keep this up."

"I do not care," he said as he took her in his arms. "I see no one but you. I only care that you are in love with me."

"And I am," she said smiling.

The next day he had completed his morning meetings and decided to find Grace when those in charge of the mines asked to speak to him. As he walked down to the lower levels, he smiled at his notion to spend a few precious moments with her.

Meanwhile, Grace had just left the stone cutting rooms and was humming happily to herself when she came upon Dwalin, Balin, and Gloin talking in hushed voices.

"Did you read the letter, Balin? Did you Dwalin?" Gloin asked seriously, his face as red as his hair.

Dwalin grunted with disgust and Balin sighed heavily, his hand holding a rolled parchment with a broken seal.

"Aye, that I did and I wished I hadn't," he said shaking his head. "Of course, it's out of the question now. Thorin's honor, as well as his heart, is at stake. He'd never go back on his word to her no matter what the cost."

"But will this mean a rift in the clans now that Dain knows Thorin has chosen an outsider?" Gloin asked, "Will it mean war?"

Dwalin frowned and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

"Probably," he said, "but he won't give in. Not to threats like this. Dain's a fool if he thinks he can force Thorin's hand."

Balin tugged on his beard and paced.

"Dain has always wanted Thorin to join with his daughter, so he considers this a terrible insult," he said, "and we do need his support badly, but now…"

"Now what?" Grace asked. Balin and Gloin jumped. Dwalin turned slowly to face her.

"Give me the letter," she said.

Balin looked up at Dwalin who frowned, and he handed it over reluctantly. As she read, her eyes grew round.

"Now don't think on it, Gracie, or do anything rash," Balin encouraged. "Thorin hasn't seen this, and it is of no matter now anyhow."

"Family comes first," she said, "and I'm not family yet. Does Dain mean what he says?"

Balin and Gloin eyed each other. Dwalin looked down and said nothing.

"I see," she said as she looked at them all. She turned and raised her face to the gloriously alive Erebor and saw all the dwarves bustling happily around their mountain home. Friends called to each other, and hearty laughter echoed down the hallways.

The she looked down at the floor and put her hands on her hips. Sighing wistfully, she looked at them sadly and took off her ring, balancing it in her hand as she considered what to do.

"No, lass," Balin said with alarm, and he put his hand on her arm, "you'll break his heart for sure. It's his decision anyway."

"My lady," Dwalin said. "Let Thorin handle this."

She closed her eyes.

"I still remember the cries and screams of the people when I drew Faldor to you all," she said sadly. "It broke my heart to see what I had caused. If my leaving will prevent a war, then I must go. I will not allow another fight over me. I cannot destroy all this," and she gestured to the activity around them.

She hugged them all tightly and looked each of them in the eye.

"Say nothing of this to Thorin until I am far away," she said. "He's fought for too many years to build his kingdom for me to stand in the way. He will understand why I cannot stay."

Gloin nodded unhappily, but Balin shook his head, and Dwalin swore under his breath.

"Gracie, I beg of you," Balin pleaded, "don't do this. We'll figure out something. Thorin will know what to do."

She shook her head.

"This is best for everyone," she said. "Tell him that I will be well and that I do this because I love him, because I love you all."

Then she handed Balin the ring and left wiping tears from her cheeks. Dwalin shook his head grimly.

"She still doesn't understand him," he said gruffly. "He'll never accept this, and he'll hunt her down no matter the cost."

He looked over at Balin and Gloin.

"So we need to find him now," he said, and they scattered.

After sending word throughout Erebor, Balin finally found him in discussion with some of the leaders of the mines.

"Your plan is a sound one, Dwelf," Thorin said looking very pleased. "I commend you for your diligence in these matters."

He put his hand on the dwarf's shoulder and nodded. Then he turned to Balin.

"Balin," he said smiling, "you should hear some of Dwelf's plans to improve the mines."

Balin held out the letter. Thorin read it quickly, and his face darkened.

"I will not be blackmailed into an alliance I never wanted nor threatened for my choices," he said. He shook his head in frustration. "And even if I was willing, all that would have changed the moment I laid eyes on Grace," he added proudly.

Balin's shoulders slumped, and Thorin put his hands on his arms.

"What's happened?" he asked with concern. "Who else knows about this?

Balin looked at him with tears in his eyes.

"She does," he said as he held up the ring, "and she left."

Thorin's eyes widened, and he turned to go after her when Balin grabbed his arm.

"She blames herself for Faldor and Dain, Thorin," he said meaningfully. "Make sure you tell her different."

Grace threw on her shirt, breeches, and cloak and raced to the stables. Even though she asked the dwarves to keep her leaving a secret, she suspected that their reluctance and loyalty to Thorin would outweigh their promise, so she knew she had to escape the borders of Erebor as fast as possible. Ordering Pearl forward, she galloped out of the stables and made for the crossroads. The way down the woodland road offered the safety of the elves and the forest, but anyone following would see her since the road was straight and level for several miles. The road to Dale was shorter, and surely Bard could hide her for a time and see her safely out of the city. The treaty with Dale ordered the extradition of criminals only, and she knew that Thorin had no authority there to force her back. Clenching her jaw with determination, she urged Pearl toward Dale.

Thorin nodded shortly and ran to the stables. He saw that Pearl was gone and banged his fist on the open stall door. Throwing a saddle on Steel, he kicked him hard in the sides and headed to the road. The black stallion cantered out, and Thorin stopped at the crossroads and peered down both roads with his hand cupping his eyes against the strong sun. He could not see her on either one, and he cursed his time down in the mines. If only he had been on the higher levels, he would have seen the letter before she did and prevented all this. He gripped the reins tightly and shouted in Khuzdul, startling Steel who kicked out and bounced Thorin in the saddle. As soon as he learned that she had left, he felt like a blunt blade rammed his gut. The wrenching despair of separation and loss made him desperate, and he wheeled Steel in circles, trying to decide which way to go. Finally, he set his eyes on the road to Dale, figuring that she would flee to the closest place of refuge, and begging Mahal to guide his steps, he galloped down the road.

I will not lose her, he thought grimly. If I have to track her through all Middle-earth, I will not let her go now. I will make her understand even if it costs me my kingdom.

Grace thundered through the city gate and dismounted in front of the rebuilt Lord's Hall. She whispered a few words to Pearl, who nickered and trotted out of sight around the building. Then she ran up to a startled sentry and tearfully asked for help. Pelting down the hall, the sentry ran into the council chamber without knocking.

"What is it, Leron?" Bard asked, holding up his hand to still his advisors in the midst of their discussions.

"My lord," he said with a bow, "we have a a situation that needs your immediate attention." His eyes shifted to and fro as he looked around the room, debating whether he should tell them all.

"Well, what is it?" Bard asked impatiently. The man bit his lip and then strode over and whispered in his ear.

Bard's eyes opened in shock and, without another word, he followed the sentry out the door.

"When did she arrive?" he asked urgently, walking with long strides down the hall.

"Just now, my lord," the sentry said. "She's in the waiting room."

Bard stopped and put his hand on the sentry's arm.

"How did she seem to you?" he asked carefully. "Is she injured?"

The man shook his head.

"She's fearfully upset, my lord," he said, "and a bit mussed, but that is all."

Bard nodded and clapped his hand on the sentry's shoulder.

"Do not speak of this to anyone," he said. Then he glanced ruefully over his shoulder toward the front door, "and prepare for the arrival of King Thorin. I suspect he won't be far behind."

Bard quietly opened the door to the room and saw her standing by the window with sunlight sparkling in her golden hair. He stopped with one hand on the knob and took a deep breath as his heart tried to leap out of his chest, and he pressed his other hand on his ribs to try to stop the pounding.

Hearing the creak of the door, she whipped around and saw him standing there both worried and eager, his eyes taking in her tears. Wordlessly, he stepped toward her with his arms open, and she flew into them. He crushed her to his chest.

"Grace! Grace! What has happened?" he cried as he held her tight. Although he was afraid for her, he could not stop the joy he felt from having her in his arms, and without thinking he rocked her gently and pressed kisses into her hair while mumbling endearments. "What has he done?"

She cried softly and then pulled away and wiped her eyes. He stepped forward, took her hand in his, and led her to a large leather sofa.

"Tell me what happened," he said, his face hardening. All at once images appeared of Thorin striking her or abusing her in some way, but then he forced those thoughts from his mind. Thorin's love for her was too fierce and too protective. He would never deliberately hurt her, so it was most likely some misunderstanding. He closed his eyes and pushed against his desire to find a reason to claim her for himself.

"I request asylum until I can leave Erebor forever," she said in between soft sniffles. "Please hide me from him, Bard, please!"

His eyes opened wide at her words, and he blinked as he reconsidered his thoughts. She would not ask such a thing unless he, unless he …. Bard struggled to reconcile his duty to both his best friend and the woman he wanted as wife.

"Sweetheart," he said softly as his heart railed against the decision his honor demanded. "I know that Thorin loves you and you him. Tell me what happened."

Haltingly, she told him what had happened and how she decided to leave to prevent war.

"I can't be the cause of a rift in his family, Bard," she said wringing her hands. "It goes against my people's laws and my heart. How can I in good conscience bring disaster on the people I love?"

His head dropped, and he stroked her hands gently.

"So you didn't discuss this with him?" he asked, already guessing the answer.

She shook her head slowly, and he sighed.

"Grace," he said heavily, "you have done him wrong to leave without letting him know…."

"But," she broke in, "he will never let me go, even if it means hurting his people."

Bard chuckled darkly. "That is likely true."

Suddenly, they heard a loud commotion down the hall and angry shouting, and she leaped to her feet.

"I believe we have company," Bard said drily. He stood, held her for a moment, and then put his finger to his mouth as he slipped out the door.

Thorin had pushed Steel hard to get to Dale, and he headed straight for where he knew Bard would be. The poor sentry tried to stall for time, but Thorin pushed him aside and stormed into the council chamber.

"WHERE IS SHE?" he thundered at the surprised men. He looked around with his hands on his hips, glaring at each in turn. Then he heard footsteps and marched up to Bard at the door.

"Where is she?" he growled. "Do not keep me from her!" He fixed his eyes on the tall and handsome Lord of Dale, and suspicion surged through him as he stared at Bard's carefully neutral face. Even though this man was his best friend, Thorin recalled that Bard also desired Grace and might use this opportunity to challenge him. He rubbed his knitted brows to dispel his jealousy and remember that his friend was an honorable man.

Bard felt Thorin's anguish, and he spared a moment to ask whatever gods might be listening to bless him for giving up his heart's desire twice.

"If I had thought for a moment that you hurt her in any way, you'd step over my broken body to see her, but she told me what happened. Come with me."

Grace turned as the door opened and gasped as Thorin stood there grimly. Bard closed the door behind him and leaned against it with a groan. Shaking her head, she stepped backward. She cast her eyes around the room in fear and saw a door at the other end. Turning to flee, she stepped away, but he lunged for her and took her in his arms without a word. She twisted and tried to push him off, but he held her fast and tipped up her chin.

Breathing heavily he said, "Either you come with me or we are leaving together, and I will never look back."

She looked into his eyes and shook her head.

"But your people, Thorin," she said. "You can't do that."

He put his hands on the back of her neck and kissed her mouth hard. Her head fell back, and he pressed his lips to the hollow of her throat and felt her pulse pounding against his mouth.

"My heart, my heart," he whispered huskily, "you cannot not leave me." He gathered her in his arms and held her tight. "I am destroyed without you."

She started to cry.

"I will not be the cause of war," she said, "I cannot! You know why!" She pushed herself apart and stood away from him.

Thorin put his hands on his hips.

"I am your king," he began to say, but she cut him off.

"Not yet, you're not," she said clearly, "and I'm free to go if I choose."

"Not as your king then but as your lover," he appealed desperately as he held his hands out to her.

Grace hugged herself and turned away.

"I won't put you and your people in danger again. I release you from your promise," she said over her shoulder. "Go so that you and your people may have peace."

Thorin shut his eyes tight and took a slow, deep breath.

"I do not release you from yours," he said fiercely. "I will never release you from yours! There is no peace without you, no peace of mind and no peace of heart."

She did not turn around.

"Even if you didn't come back with me, I still wouldn't oblige Dain," he said harshly. "You are not the cause of this nor do you play any part in it. My answer would be the same if I never knew you."

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You're not responsible for the decisions of others," he said softly, "not Faldor's and not Dain's, and you are not at fault for what they do. You must learn to trust me, Grace. Remember, we are to be joined and you must start thinking that way, to think and act as one. You should have come to me first, my heart."

She said nothing and held herself rigid. He placed light kisses on her cheek and neck and sighed deeply.

"I have no desire to rule unless you are by my side," he continued. "I will go into the hills and find work if you wish, and I would never regret it. My people are home now, and Balin will help Fili rule well in my stead. If you must leave, then I go with you."

She felt his breath on her neck, and she softened against him.

"I was afraid that I would break what you had fought so hard to build," she said as her voice choked. "I was afraid that I would only bring hurt to your people and that you would regret me as the years passed."

Thorin turned her to face him.

"You must understand, my heart, that you will break nothing by staying, but you will break me by leaving," he replied as he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs.

Grace stood there searching his anguished eyes. Finally, she hugged him around the waist, and he let go of the breath he held.

Never again, he swore to himself, never again will she leave me. All of Erebor may come crashing down around me and Middle-earth burn to ash, but nothing and no one will keep her from me ever again.

Very gently, he kissed her tears away, but his face held solemn resolve.

"You must understand," he said as he held her tightly, realizing how close he came to losing her forever. "Even though we are not yet joined, you have been part of me since first I loved you. I know that you did what you felt was best, but you are what is best for me and my people. You are the Guardian of Joy for my people now, and I will never agree to give you up, nor will I let anyone take you from me. Never!"

He held her as he slowed his breathing and quieted his heart. She reached up, touched his face and gasped as she felt his devastation. She quickly pushed herself out of his arms and backed away in horror.

"What is it?" he asked fearfully.

"Oh! I have failed you again!" she said miserably. "What pain I have brought you instead of saving you from it! Forgive me, Thorin, I'm so sorry."

She covered her face with her hands and started to sob. Then she felt his arms around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder and cried.

"We both have much to learn, my heart," he said soothingly. "I have never loved another and I never will again. I would not change who you are, although I admit that I sometimes wish that you were more selfish."

He gently lifted her head off of his shoulder and smiled into her eyes.

"But there is also much joy to be had in learning together," he said. "I understand that is what all couples must do, so we are not so very different from anyone else."

She sniffled softly and wiped her eyes.

"I love you so very much, Thorin," she said. "I was so sad to ride away and think I would never see you again. I felt like all my world was losing color and turning gray."

His eyes gleamed suddenly at her admission of love and need.

She doesn't often speak to me of her feelings, he thought, and he eagerly took her hands.

I'm selfish to be asking this, my heart, he thought to her, but what do you feel for me truly?

She looked at him in surprise.

Don't you know? she replied. I said yes to your proposal. Doesn't that mean I love you and want to be with you? Didn't I say that I am in love with you?

Thorin acknowledged the truth of her words but was unsatisfied.

Yes, but I've loved you for so long without certainty of return, he thought to her, and I nearly lost you not long ago. Forgive me, but I need the reassurance.

Grace smiled and put her hand on his face. He closed his eyes and felt her soothing compassion at first, but then it changed to soft affection and tender love. He saw her delight at being with him, and her growing desire to be close to him and learn more about him. He also saw her terrible fear when she thought him in danger and how she now did not see her life without him.

She was as devastated as I was when she left, he thought with satisfaction.

Grace looked puzzled.

You enjoy knowing that?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

I am relieved that you feel about me as I do about you, he said silently. All lovers want to know that their love is returned and that it's love and not some lesser version such as gratitude or pity.

Grace pursed her lips.

"In that case, close your eyes," she commanded aloud. When she was sure his eyes were closed she reached up and kissed him tenderly on the mouth and into that kiss she poured all the love she felt for him. In his wild fear of losing her he was not careful to guard his mind and both his mind and body immediately blazed with desire, and she broke off the kiss in bewilderment.

"What was that?" she asked. He swayed on his feet for a moment and she steadied him. "This happened when you first kissed me on my face. What is that emotion? I don't fully understand that one, although I too feel a need to be close to you."

He took a moment to catch his breath.

"That is something that you will understand when we are joined," he said still breathing hard.

She looked at him in confusion.

"Then how do you know so much about it already?" she asked. He closed his eyes and chuckled.

"I will explain later," he said, and he ran the back of his fingers against her cheek. "Let us go, my heart. The others are worried, and we must get back."

Grace agreed and then frowned.

"But, Thorin," she said, "I don't know how to be a wife. What do I do?"

He took her hands.

"My people will help you with anything you need," he said, "but promise me that you will come to me with anything that burdens your heart. Whatever comes we will handle it together."

She hugged him tightly and nodded, and he kissed the top of her head.

"Let's go home," he said, "yours and mine."

He opened the door and found Bard leaning against a wall with his eyes closed.

"Thank you, my friend," he said, walking up and gripping his arms. "I know how hard this was for you."

Bard looked down with a frown.

"You know my mind, Thorin," he said, "but I also know yours and hers, and I want what will make her happy."

Then black eyes glittered, and his thick, black brows lowered.

"But," he said, "if she ever comes to me because you've wronged her, you'll have me to answer to."

Thorin dipped his head in acknowledgement.

"There will never be a need," he said strongly.

Bard smiled faintly. "Just so we understand each other."

Then Grace stepped forward and took his hands, and he kissed hers fervently.

"Thank you, Bard, for your assistance, and I apologize for putting you in a difficult position. It will not happen again," she said firmly with a smile at Thorin.

The Lord of Dale inhaled deeply and nodded, walking them to the door and waving farewell.

Once back at Erebor, Thorin found Balin.

"Send word to Dain to meet me here," he said. "I will show him why I am refusing his offer."

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