"You look beautiful, Bella." Alice said, placing my veil in my hair and rearranging the hair around my face. I looked in the mirror, but I felt numb.
It had been six months since I had seen Jasper that night, and I had heard nothing from him since. I had thrown myself into this marriage and all of the preparations. Logically, my brain was telling me to forget him and focus on my wedding, and my friendships, but everything seemed still so fresh with Jasper. He had refused my offer when I had told him exactly what the consequences were of his actions…I had offered myself to him, reputation and all, and he had stayed silent.
Silence seemed to be Jasper's thing.
I would not go as far to say I was depressed, for I felt like things were not done with Jasper…but I certainly felt in a state of limbo. Weeks passed like hours and the months totted up. I still did all of the things I had been doing before that night, but with less vigour and genuine happiness than before. Alice and Edward had been worried, but a heated argument soon stopped their questioning. I felt terrible for it, but I couldn't bring myself to try and change it – the past was an immovable object, things didn't change.
All of the other women in the room left, apart from Alice. I had picked her as my Maid of Honour, and she would stay with me until I walked down the aisle. In this moment, I should have been the happiest I could ever have been…and the most nervous, but all I felt was nothing. Cold. Dead. Nothing.
"Bella…" Alice said softly, touching the side of my face. I was sat on the bed and she would have to bring my chair over soon, but she seemed to take that moment to reach out to me. "I don't know what happened with Jasper, but you haven't been the same since." She said. She felt me tense up, my anger flaring – the only emotion I could fully feel right now – and she stroked my arm. "I don't want to argue, but I will if it means you actually speak to me. Say what's on your mind." She begged.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Alice had spent so many hours on my makeup that it seemed wrong to cry, so I tried to control it as I turned to her.
She knew that Jasper had come to see me, for he was home with his family now for the leave he had been given for his extended service to the army in their moment of need. He would be returning soon, but right now he was with his step-mother, father and brother – the people he wanted to be with. He would not attend my wedding, I knew that but I didn't know how I would feel being there without him.
"I asked him if he loved me." I told her, locking eyes with her.
"And?" She asked, her eyes widening.
"He said nothing." I told her. "I said I'd call off the wedding if he just told me he loved me and he just stood there, drunk as a skunk; a mess in every sense of the word." I shook my head, the tears brimming. "I'm sorry, Alice." I said, wiping under my eyes.
"This is more important than your face, darlin'." She said, swatting away my hands. I let out a small laugh, but the moment stayed tense. "Does that mean he doesn't love you, though?" She asked me. "It took you a long time to see it for yourself."
"I've been asking myself the same thing for months. We've had the same amount of time." I said, shaking my head.
"Well, on your wedding day would be the time to find out. Very dramatic." She said, grimacing.
"I offered him what I thought he wanted and he didn't take it." I shook my head. "There's no drama there, only pain."
There was a moment of silence between us as she weighed up her options. I felt her hand on the side of my head, pulling me close to her, and I went with it, unable to hold myself up anymore. She cradled me against her shoulder, stroking the side of my face.
"It's going to be alright." She cooed. "Jacob is a good man, an honest man…whatever you choose to do – he is your friend and only wants the best for you." She comforted me. I knew what Alice wanted me to do, but I couldn't gamble with my life, and my relationships and friendships, like that.
If I called off the wedding now there would be no guarantee that Jasper would have me…or that we could even recover from what we had said to one another. I still felt the wounds of his words about my legs and I had bruised him deeply. If I called off the wedding, my father would be difficult…he may never speak to me again. Jacob would be hurt, and his friendship would not be guaranteed – not like Alice thought. Everyone in the town was in attendance and they would all know my dirty laundry…I couldn't shame my family like that if I didn't truly believe my life would be happier with that decision made.
I voiced all of this to Alice and she took it as my decision, getting up from the bed and bringing my chair over to me. I watched her and we locked eyes for a moment. I saw the disappointment in the situation, and the sadness, and me…yet indignation. She would stick by me through this and I would never be able to thank her enough.
Lifting myself from the bed and gracelessly bringing myself to a sitting position in my chair, Alice fluffed my dress so that it looked right when in the chair.
I had to admit, the dress wasn't something I would have picked, but my father had almost broken down seeing me in it and chose it immediately. It was large, and very filled-out, with a low neck and a painful corset that made me look inhumanly slim. The long white gloves reached up my arms higher than I was used to and the large fascinator on my head weighed quite a bit. I looked the epitome of wedding fashion for the time, but it was very uncomfortable.
Alice called for help to get me down the stairs and everyone along the way complimented me. People had lined themselves on the stairs and were waiting outside the house for me to come out. They applauded when they saw me and I graced them all with a smile, keeping hold of Alice's hand on my shoulder like a lifeline. It would all be over soon and then the decisions were over – my life would be on its track until the end.
The trip to the chapel, in the carriage, was interesting. People from the town were walking behind and filing into the church whilst I was being helped into my chair. I smiled at them all as they wished me good look and told me to break a leg. I was comforted by the support and love I had from the community, far more people than I had been expecting.
I saw Edward, Renee and Seth sitting in one of the pews furthest at the front, just before the doors closed. My father appeared beside me.
"You look beautiful, just like your mother." He said, placing his hand out to hold mine. I felt slightly silly, doing the aisle as I was, but God wasn't going to bless me with a miracle just to walk down the aisle.
I smiled at the thought, for the first time that day, and my father took it as reassurance of my decision. I was going to do this; it had to be done. I could hear the choir singing as the doors opened and my father walked me down the aisle, Alice pushing my chair as we went. I noticed that Jacob was kneeling at the front of the church and I let out a chuckle at his thoughtfulness.
Kissing my father's cheek, Alice pushed me to the side of my husband to be and the music stopped, as did the singing. Jacob took me in with a wide grin and stroked my cheek.
"You look beautiful." He mouthed to me. I blushed. I was not used to all of this attention and I could almost see the recognition in his eyes.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Isabella Marie Swan and Jacob Rosier…" The Minister began, addressing everyone in the church.
The ceremony was conducted as usual, and I felt myself warming to the idea when the declarations of protections and caring for someone until the end of our time together. I looked at Jacob a few times during the ceremony, but he kept his eyes trained on the Minister at all times.
"I, Isabella Marie Swan, take you, Jacob Rosier, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." I said, my voice shaking slightly over a few of the words, sliding the wedding band over his finger with shaking hands.
Jacob turned to me and took my hands in his.
"I, Jacob Rosier, take you, Isabella Marie Swan, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." He said with absolute confidence, sliding my own ring into place.
It felt strange to have such a light object weigh so heavily on my hand, but I smiled up at him despite my feeling.
"I now declare you husband and wife." The Minister said, smiling at us and closing the book.
Jacob leant forwards, his eyes closing slightly. I realised, in that moment, that this would be my first kiss. Even with Jasper, we had never touched lips, never stolen a kiss or pecked as curious children…and now, it was for everyone to see.
I leant forwards, matching his movements until our lips touched. His lips were warm and moulded around mine. It felt strange and unnatural…but then, it was something I had never even thought about doing before and it was with someone I considered a close friend.
Perhaps I would come to love it, as well as Jacob.
I always cry at weddings... *sniff* but be serious...who was hoping that Jasper would ride in on a horse and carry her to a house in the hills? I know I was and I wrote the damn thing...