Chapter thirty – five -

It had been four years since the newborn fight. I worked long hours at Mike Newton's shop, whilst Jake graduated from school. On my mother's insistence, I studied in Seattle, struggling with college. Moaning over the workload and bank loan. Emily was raising her child, whilst I only stared at the pictures of her son.

I would regret having a child only because I couldn't give it a normal life. I had to remain strong. When I went back for Dad's birthday, I could only stare at pictures of Ezra Jake had sent, Emily's son as he played with Jake. I began chopping onions and helping with the food to avoid crying.

I want you baby, but I can't look after you. I hate this. Dad came to help. "So, are you and Jake going to tie the knot?" he asked. "We're not getting married," I informed. "Oh. No. We're not going to be together like that. We don't want children. Rachel can take care of that," I averred. Jake did not want to discuss what could happen between Paul and his sister. They were a happy couple.

I had already seen my future, amidst the bank loan and course work, my future was dark. Jake and I were in love, content with our lives. Avoiding weddings had become a hobby of mine though. Leah and I went to great lengths to be AWOL during weddings and family gatherings.

I sighed. "What's the problem?" asked Jake, when he came to celebrate. "Mom and her husband are celebrating their five-year anniversary," I replied. "I want to be there for mom. But all her friends and her husband's colleagues are going to be there. And you know what will happen," Jake comforted me. "When are you getting married? Do you have a job?" I imitated all the guests who talk to me. Jake laughed. "Is that why you avoid events even in my family?"he asked. I stopped chopping the vegetables.

I gave up. "Jake, can you help me grill the meat?" I heard Dad call. Jake disappeared, as I remained silent. I hated this scenario. My old man is still single, and my mother was celebrating her fifth anniversary. I hated this, so much. Mom was not the best parent. She was not the best cook, and she had a lot if flaws. After spending time with Charlie, I realised which one was the better parent.

As I ate dinner with the Black family and my dad, I realised that I can't go to Florida. "So, Bella have you decided what to wear yet? Or can we shop together?" asked Rachel. "For what?" I asked, clueless. "Your graduation silly," she responded. "I'm not going. I have an interview that day," I informed. "Actually, you have a strong of interviews lined up,"

"That's good. What if you get the first job?" Rachel enquired. "Then I'll take it, as long as it pays well," I replied. "So, how come you didn't study English literature and chose Psychology instead?" she asked. "English literature is just reading books with themes which will take me nowhere in life," I stated. "Psychology is scientific. It helps me understand the real world," Rachel nodded. "So, when are you and Jake getting married?" Rachel probed.

Charlie had a coughing fit, as he glared at me and my boyfriend. "Relax, not until I repay my loans," I replied, irritated by the question. Jake smirked at Charlie. "She's not pregnant either. Scouts honour,"he added. "Well, guess I'm getting married first baby brother," Rachel averred, earning her a glare. Jake turned sour every time Rachel mentioned Paul.

"Oh for God's sake. You know it's going to happen. Suck it up," Rachel snapped. Jake's mood turned ominous. After the Blacks left, I began doing the dishes. "Honey, you know, I really don't want you to get married anytime soon. It's not like I hate Jake. I just got you back," Dad voiced. "Don't worry Pop. I won't marry Jake anytime soon. I'll stay here with you. Actually, I told Jake that when Rachel gets married, Paul can move in with them and Jake can stay with us. If that's okay with you." I stated. He approved. "In separate rooms, I hope," Charlie warned. "Yes. I'll sleep in my room, he can sleep in the spare room. Besides, you need a man to watch sports with," I offered. Charlie seemed fine with it. "About your mom though, are really going to remain absent on her big day? She'll be upset. Besides, you can take Jake. You can officially introduce him. I'm sure your mother will be thrilled to meet him."

Introduce him as what? Mom, Phil, meet my boyfriend Jake. He's a part-time model. I'm not going to marry him, and I'm not going to have kids with him. There's nothing new going on with us. We meet regularly and hang out.

That'll sound great.

"Mom, had Phil fix an interview with a Floridian company? Before her wedding anniversary?" I asked Charlie. He nodded, awkwardly. "She even booked a ticket," he added, exasperating me. "For both you and Jake," Renee was going overboard. Jake was excited nonetheless.

Renee had her husband pick and Jake at the airport. As I studied boring information about the company, Jake and Phil talked all the way home. Mom gained over Jake and they hit it off, as I kept reading. I was practising answering interview questions. During dinner time, Mom was quite vivacious, talking with Jake. Once it was bedtime, Mom giggled and led us to a fully furnished room upstairs with a double bed for me and Jake. "I'm not as uptight as Charlie," she said, winking at us.

Jake chuckled, settling in. "I need to study some more," I told Jake, and I spent three hours familiarizing and rehearsing my answers. Phil gave me a few pointers, and I was done. When I went upstairs. Jake was fast asleep on the bed, as I pulled out my futon and fixed off, listening to Jake snore.

The dreaded day of Mom's anniversary arrived. No, I wasn't worried about the interview, it was this that I hated. The interview went okay, and I think that they would hire me. Jake had dressed in a suit. I wore a white and blue dress. We were at a hotel, toasting to Phil and Mom, with ten of their friends. Jake had too many mimosas. He was clearly enjoying himself.

I went to the bathroom, as I drank more champagne. As I tried not to vomit, I entered the cubical. I heard a few voices. "Oh, did you see Renee's daughter? Ugh. So fat and ugly. What does her boyfriend see in her? I'll never know,"

"I would've just shoved my hand down his pants if he wasn't so obsessed with Ella," the other girl blabbed. I sighed as I laid my head against the door. I tried not to cry. I composed myself, and returned, watching Phil and Mom kiss. I doused in some more alcohol, going over my limit.

Jake noticed my silence and asked if was okay. I nodded, raising my glass at Mom and Phil. I recalled what Edward told me. "He's going to love you irrespective of whether you are fat, ugly or stupid. So will I. But unlike Jacob, I want to love you. He has to love you. That's how it works. He is obligated to love you. You could be 30 pounds lighter or heavier. Look at Embry and Jared. They didn't even notice their girlfriends until the imprinting. You and Jake never dated until the imprinting. Why? You know the truth. It was a matter of time until you dated him. I will agree. If I wasn't around, or even if I wasn't a vampire and he was a normal boy, would he love you the same way he does now? With the same intensity? Would he be as attracted to you as he is now? Human beings only care about keeping up appearance?"

"You initially found me attractive as well. Wasn't that why I was alluring? How long will you deny it? Jacob didn't choose you. His genes did. I voluntarily pursued you. That's the difference. Let's say that I was never around. You meet Jake, he would crush on you, you guys would date and marry. Do you think he wouldn't look at other women? Face it, Bella, all men have wandering eyes. Pornography, other women and raging hormones are a deadly combination. Let's say Jake being a gentleman would never cheat. What about his emotions? Can grovel and fight for you? Will he love as much he would without an imprint? Stop deluding yourself. Unlike me, who actually loves you, Jake is impelled to follow you, be around you as a stalker. And what about your future? Jake who lives in a reservation can't live without but won't leave his father. Which one of you will compromise?"

I fizzled down some water. "Love you? No Bella, he chose the woman who is best suited to raise his heir. You are just used to continue the Black family bloodline. Didn't Indian chiefs have numerous wives? Then what's the point of an imprint? Black can love as many women as he wants with his looks. How long would he have stayed with you? Once he realised that he can have all the women, why would he settle down? Besides, if you told Jake you wanted to be friends, he would be. You order to become your brother, he would. What's holding you back from coming to me? Your feelings? His feelings? He has none. It's his genes ordering him to love and devote himself to you. Not his feelings. Stop deluding yourself. Jacob doesn't really love you."

He was right. I had asked Jared, Embry, Sam, and Paul about their imprints. All of them stated that they had never viewed their imprint romantically. Hell, Emily was going to Leah's bridesmaid at their wedding. I continued drinking water, as the tears threatened to flow. I love Jake. But maybe he doesn't see me as anything more than an imprint. Paul and Rachel knew others, but never dated or cared for each other that much. Neither Jared or Embry.

I stood up, raising my glass. "I have to give a speech," I informed. Mom was expecting me to. "Mom and Phil, when you decided to get married, I gave you my blessing. Now, seeing the two of you celebrate half a decade together, I have only one thing to say. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage. But you make me want to believe that there is. Seeing you two so elated, makes me want to believe," I paused, fighting the tears. "That I can find happiness too. You two are really a perfect couple. I hope you two would stay together and celebrate many anniversaries." Renee was tearing up. "I have one request though. I would like a baby brother or sister. If possible, give me one soon." Everyone laughed at that.

"It's your turn to have kids," called Mom's friend. I smiled, pretending to be okay.

Oh if only knew. I can't have kids. Jake comforted me, assuming that I was emotional because of my family. Once the dessert arrived, I excused myself and ran outside the restaurant. I ran to the back and began weeping in the garden. "Bella, Bella!" I heard Jake call. He came to me. "Why are you upset?" he stated. "Go back Jake," came behest. "Why? Tell me what's wrong? Is it your Mom and Phil?" he asked. "Hey, don't feel despondent for Charlie. He and Sue have a thing. I promise you'll be crying at their wedding because Leah is going to be your stepsister."

Having Leah as a step-sister wasn't so bad. But knowing the truth was worse.

"No. I don't care." I mentioned. "Really? Then why are you upset?" he questioned, puzzled. "Because of us. We are going nowhere. You don't really love me, " I cried, turning around. "What do you mean?" he demanded. "No, you don't. I can't live like this anymore. Knowing that...you don't really love me." I responded.

"What's wrong with you?" he demanded again. "Would you love me as much as you used to before you imprinted?" I interrogated. "Of course! I loved you even before that. You know that. Why would you even doubt that?" he answered.

"No. You just had a crush on me. You didn't love me. Would have loved me the same way as you do now? " I demanded. "Yes. I would love you as much as I do now. I always have and I always will. I loved you then, I loved you now. I was as obsessed, jealous and possessive then, as I am now. It has nothing to do with the imprint. You should know that. Do you know how many times I intercepted Mike Newton's calls even after the imprint? Or how many I deleted the messages he sent you when you weren't looking? The imprint didn't make me do that. I love you Bella. Irrespective and despite the imprint. I'm a jealous, irrational fool when it comes to you." he stated. "Do you mean it?" I hiccupped. "Of course you silly girl," he stated, bending down to kiss me.