Chapter Thirty Seven

Bella

We sat beside the creek Jasper's arm around my shoulder, and talked. He explained what had happened between himself and Alice before I came along, Charlotte and Garrett's theory that she had seen me coming and my future relationship with him. I couldn't believe anyone could be so cruel, so evil, as to cause the problems she'd caused, put so many people in danger just to keep Jasper, and not even for herself, just to keep him alone and destroy him as a person. I had liked Alice although I never quite trusted her and now I knew why.

"What did she expect to happen?"

"I don't know darlin', I think she was trying to destroy me and she very nearly did. I started to question every feeling I had, every move I made."

"And telling Maria where you were?"

"I'm sure she saw you were there with us and she was hoping Maria would kill or capture us."

"Do you think she's finished now? Now you and I have got together despite her."

He went quiet and that was answer enough,

"You think she's going to continue? What else can she do?"

"I wouldn't even hazard a guess what her next move might be but she's cunning and inventive so we need to be ready for anything. You do realize you are in danger as long as you stay with me? The only way to be safe from her would be to walk away from me again before she sees and acts."

Bella

He was wrong, that I was sure of.

"No I won't. She knows how we feel about each other and even if I walked away now she would still have to act because she'd see that somewhere down the line we wouldn't be able to bear the separation any longer. She knows we are mates."

He stiffened at my words and I wondered if I'd said something wrong, something I shouldn't have said.

"You know about that?"

"Mating? The mating pull? How could I not after all we have both suffered?"

"Doesn't it worry you?"

"Not any longer. I tried that route and it got me nowhere. I think I'll settle for you and to hell with the consequences."

He laughed at my words then stopped when I continued,

"You are aware that changing me is the only way to keep me safe?"

"I can keep you safe Bella and I wouldn't change you just for that reason."

My heart stuttered, was he going down the same road Edward had trodden? Then he continued,

"But I would change you if you asked me, for an entirely different and selfish reason."

"And that is?"

"To keep you with me for eternity."

He pulled me close and kissed me gently on the lips once more.

Jasper

I would change her in an instant if she asked me to make her immortal so we could be together for eternity, but I wouldn't do it because she was scared of my world. It was my job to keep her safe and I would do all in my power to accomplish that. I felt her emotions swinging wildly between anger and love, anger at Alice and love for me, or at least I hoped it was that! As we kissed I felt her desire peak and it burned deep into my body setting a single flicker of fire alight where my heart had once beat. When she pulled back I felt her regret, a sadness I didn't understand,

"Why are you sad Bella?"

"Sad? Oh, I was thinking about something Edward told me."

"Oh? Would you be willing to tell me?"

"OK, I guess it wont matter anyway. He told me that we had to be very careful. That he couldn't risk losing control or he might hurt me, even kill me by accident."

I thought about that and what he meant by it. If it had been said about me I could have understood, but him? He never lost control, he was so perfect!

"I take it from your silence that you agree with him. I didn't think he'd lied but you did ask me."

"I'm glad you told me Bella. It isn't something I've ever had to consider before so I'm just thinking about it. If he'd warned you about me losing control it would be easier to understand but Edward never lost control. He was always Mr Cool."

"I think he was talking about...other things...getting too involved and forgetting he was stronger and more dangerous than the frail human."

Bella

Jasper had gone very quiet, he ran his hands up and down my arms as he continued to think about what I'd said. I hoped it wasn't going to make him think differently about us. I couldn't lose him as soon as I got him.

"Jasper please don't go silent on me. I need to know what you are thinking, maybe we can work this out between us."

He started as if he'd been really deep in thought,

"I'm sorry Bella I was just thinking about what Edward told you. I know Alice made me out to be a monster who could attack anyone at any time but I'm hoping you saw beyond that, I know you did. I can't see how he could have said that if he loved you, really loved you. I can't imagine a scenario where I would ever hurt you, even accidentally. To hurt you would be to hurt myself. I understand that you are fragile and I have to be careful, slow down my actions and temper my movements but hurt you? "

"He wouldn't even let us kiss properly for fear of losing control for a second."

"Properly? You've lost me, is there an improper way to kiss?"

I was about to answer in all seriousness when I saw his grin and smacked his thigh instead, leaving my hand there just to see if he would react like Edward, tense and move it away. Jasper was an unknown quantity to me and I needed to find the boundaries before I screwed things up. His own hand came down and I waited for the brush off but he merely put it over mine.

"That's nice, the feel of your hand on me"

He said absently before continuing with his train of thought.

"I'm not sure we are ready for this conversation yet Bella but Edward has already started it with you so I have no choice and I think you are asking me to clarify things. If I'm wrong I apologize in advance. I know that having a sexual relationship with you would have to be carefully done but I see no problem if we take it slowly."

His words were music to my ear but I wanted to test him out just a little further.

"By slowly do you mean that this,"
I brought his head to meet mine and kissed him again, my tongue brushing against his cool lips, his opened a little and I could taste his scent which set my head spinning and I couldn't breath for a second. Pulling back I cleared my throat,
"Would be too dangerous?"

I think I already got my answer.

"He told you that was too dangerous? I don't think I could be with you and not want at least that much Bella. In fact"
He pulled me back and this time the kiss was even sweeter, he opened his mouth and our tongues touched. My heart hesitated at this intimate contact and my mouth became slightly numb from the presence of his venom. When he pulled away I noticed his eyes had gone a shade darker.
"Where you scared of me? Did I seem to be losing control?"

I shook my head unable to speak for the racing of my pulse, my head swimming from the pleasure of that simple yet intimate contact. Looking at the sun he stood pulling me up with him.

"I think we should get back, it's almost noon and I'm sure my fragile little girlfriend will be needing to eat again soon"

I liked the idea of that, not the fragile bit but the girlfriend was balm to my soul.