037. Ashes of Dreams I Let Die

I screeched to a stop, a few feet away from Charlie's door. I raced inside and got changed quickly, throwing the dress carelessly on my bed. I'd owe Alice a dry cleaning bill.

I knew from the moment I stepped in the house that Lucas had been here, but had already left. I checked his room, just to be sure, and sure enough, it was empty. I ran back down the stairs and was just about to leave, when I noticed a letter - handwritten - to me. It lay on top of a pile of letters, all addressed to Lucas and me. I put the handwritten note aside for a moment, to pursue the other letters. They all looked the same, and there was an alarming number of them. I ripped open the envelope and started to read furiously. Crap. Expelled?! I figured I'd get suspended or something for missing so much school, but they really went to the extreme. Expelled. I sighed loudly, but this wasn't the time for regret. I reached for the handwritten letter - afraid to read it. The whole thing screamed with a foreboding aura and it really scared me. I cautiously unfolded the letter and started to read.

Dearest Bella, I'm only telling you the following because I know that if I leave you in the dark, you'll do something stupid and make me feel guilty.

I smiled for a moment, Lucas knew me so well, but my heart was still pounding. This letter screamed agony, but I could not set it down.

Before you continue reading, I suggest you sit down. The only reason I'm telling you about this at all is because I do not want you to come find me. I don't need you to needlessly worry about me, because I am taking this as punishment for my past transgressions.

I put down the letter for a moment, trying to process it all. What were Lucas's past transgressions? He has always been the most wonderful, but truly, what did I know about him except the past eighty years? He's had a life way before me… With my heart full of dread, I continued to read.

I know I haven't been very forthcoming with who I was, or what I did before I met you - and that is with good reason. I could see the shock in your eyes when I told you about Isabella, and I knew that it would be best if I didn't tell you anymore. I'm writing all this to you now, because I want you to know that whatever happens to me, it was well deserved.

Before you, I was somewhat of a mercenary. I killed people Bella. I know its cliché, the boy who killed and then stopped for love, but it's true. All those people whose lives I took, I regret. And it's something that I have lived most of my life with. I killed those people, knowing that I was taking away their lives; that I was taking away something precious from the people they loved, but I didn't care - because I couldn't feel. I didn't know love, therefore I could not cherish it. If it had been any other way, my life would not have played out the way it did, and I would not have been able to meet Isabella - or even you. I am glad that you had the chance to be with your love again, the way I could not be with mine. I am not doing this because I'm hurting over you. I do, but this is not why I'm heading into this like a fool. I'm doing this for you, for all the people whose lives I stole, and for Nikki and Kellan.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I gripped the edge of the table tightly. This letter was reading out like a suicide note. Somehow, even before I read the ending, I knew the inevitable end.

It is in all irony, that I will burn for my sins. When we went to the Volturi, Aro caught more than a glimpse of my gift. He caught the vision of my entire life. Some of the things I've done, they could not let go unpunished. I chose not to run, because I do not want them to come here - where there is so much to lose. I will go to them, and I will accept my punishment. I know that it will be death, and makes me sad that my last sight will not be of the people I love, but visions of all the pain that I caused and could not forget.

By the time you read this, I will no longer be on this earth. Perhaps it is all for the best, as now you will have no reminders of what could have been with me. I know you loved me, but it was not enough. I want you to know that I understand. Edward is and always will be the only one. As my dying wish, I want you to leave this. Do not come to Italy - it will only cause you pain, and endanger the ones you love. Please, if you loved me at all, do not follow, one death is enough.

Do not be sad, my love, this is my choice. I have lived long enough, I think that maybe it is time for me to leave. I will never forget the times we had, or the moments we shared. And wherever it is that vampires go at death, I will be there, watching over you and Edward and all the Cullens. Have a happy eternity Bella, it is a happiness you deserve.

I could feel my face streaked with tears. The letter started to stain with all the tears that I could not hold back. I tried blotting it out - this letter must be kept for it would be all I have left of Lucas.

A soft click tore me from my pain. I looked up through a sheen of tears at Edward's approaching figure. Without a word he pulled me into his arms. I cried hard into his shoulder - ruining his suit. I sniffled and gave him the letter.

Edward quickly scanned it and I saw his eyes widen in shock. He placed it back down gently on the kitchen table.

"I never knew," he whispered, "We have to go get him."

"No, we can't. He told us that we cannot, and I agree."

"Bella, this is going to hurt you…"

"I know. But what can we do. It's been almost two days since he was gone. There is nothing we can do. I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure the Volturi don't wait to punish people."

Edward pursed his lips together into a thin line. He seemed contemplative for a moment, as if he was unsure of how to answer.

"What if they pardoned him? Then what Bella?"

"He will come back to us," I said softly, "But, somehow I know that isn't it. Lucas went into this knowing that there would be no pardon. I just wish that we could at least have his ashes."

"Vampires do not have ashes. When we burn - all that is left is smoke."

"I know," I said, my voice cracking, "But I can't leave him like this. I want him to be at a place where he can be remembered for always."

I turned to face Edward and I held his hand.

"I love you," I began earnestly, "But Lucas was a big part of my life. Without him, I wouldn't have been strong enough to even see you again. He was the one that told me to stay when all I wanted to do was run far away from Forks. We owe him everything."

"Even though we don't have ashes to bury, perhaps we could still have a funeral for Lucas. To honor him."

"But Alice's wedding," I said fretfully.

A soft voice interrupted our conversation.

"What wedding," Alice said dismissively, "It was just a renewal of vows. Jasper and I have forever - this funeral is going to happen, and soon."

The entire Cullen family had slipped into Charlie's house without my notice. Jasper held Alice tightly, and he nodded at me in understanding.

"I was a mercenary once. I know the feeling, and I believe that it is admirable of Lucas to sacrifice everything for love," Jasper said kindly, "The funeral should happen within the week I think."

Rosalie and Emmett stood quietly off to the side with Carlisle and Esme. Emmett held a sleeping Kellan in his arms and Carlisle was holding Nikki, who was sleeping as well. They all nodded in agreement. I looked around at all the people who I loved, and felt tears start to well up again. They loved Lucas almost as much as I did, and they understood that this was something I needed. The only way that I could get closure was to let this go in a way that Lucas would be forever honored.

Alice bustled quickly to my side, and gave me a hug. She held me there for a moment, while dabbing my tears dry.

"Don't worry Bella. I'll take care of everything."

I started to object, but she cut me off.

"It is because of you and Lucas and Edward that Jasper is even here with me. He is as important to this family as you are. Don't worry, I will plan all of it. Do you have a place in mind?"

I didn't need to think, because I knew the exact spot where Lucas should be laid to rest.

Isabella.

Author's Note: Yep, I changed it up and did the Author's note at the end of the Chapter. What can I say? I really love Lucas, and doing this wasn't the happiest thing for me. But it was the only way I thought that Lucas would get a powerful ending. I didn't think that it'd be fitting for Bella to keep yo-yoing around her feelings between Edward and Lucas, and I didn't think that it would be in Lucas's character to love three times. He loved Isabella in the way that Edward and Bella love each other. He loved Bella, and that is undeniable, but that level of love paled in comparision to what he would always feel for Isabella. I know that some readers will be unhappy with the way Lucas went, but if there was any other way - I would have taken it.

I hope that this will give you guys a bit of understanding into why I wrote what I did. I'll understand if there are flames, but really - I'm not bringing him back to life. (Sorry! ^^") I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, as much as it can be enjoyed, and continue to read Of Lies and Deception. Thank you for all the reviews, they are all greatly appreciated.