MAILBAG (doing it first this time) ;)

BanannaLollypop, Chapter 36

Okay, so I don't normally read stories like this (one of best friends is in practically Amy's exact position though she hasn't taken it quite so far... Yet) so normally they hit pretty close to home.

BUUTT that being said... 3 things:
1. I love how you've handled everything because it really is just so spot on. Its actually weird to see it put so coherently but nice all the same!
2. I loved Loki's involvement. Like, I really loved it.
3. Your AN at the beginning of this chapter is so inspiring and I literally cannot tell you how much I want to give you a hug because, as someone who doesn't suffer from any of this but is close to someone who does, it's so nice to see someone who HAS been through it vocalising my thoughts regarding my friend in that it will get better IF she gets the help.

So yeah... Thank you, I guess? :)

Really glad you're enjoying the read! I'm glad my portrayal is accurate- Anxiety and depression runs in my family, so I've been around it, and lived it, for most of my life. there have been dark times where I really just wanted to pick up a blade, and was just overwhelmed by despair- I always came though stronger than I was before. I never intended for this story to reach the heights it has, or have such dark themes, but it did, and I'm really glad. I feel like it gives a voice to all those feelings no one talks about, and lets people who're depressed or mentally ill know they're not alone, and that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.

I drew Loki in as a savior, since I figured the guy has the most emotional problems out of ANYONE in the entire series. His life and mental stability makes him both terrifying and understanding, and I love it. I figured Loki would've been watching over Thor from wherever her is- because despite it all, he does care. And I figured he'd come across Amy, and just watch her progressively fall apart- first when she was captured by HYDRA, and again when she downed those pills- and save her. Because out of everyone, Loki truly knows pain. And he'd do his best to make sure no one has to suffer like he did. Not to mention Loki has a daughter, Hela, so I figured he'd have a soft spot for Tony's girl already.

Finally- I hope your friend gets the help they need. It's hard- you're progressively going insane, it feels like, and you're running on pure instinct to make the pain go away, turning to cutting, alcohol, drugs- anything to get release. It's fucking hard to admit you don't want to live anymore, you feel like everyone in the world is labeling you- crazy, unstable, attention-whore- but to get out of hell, you have to walk through fire, my friend. We need to take the stigma away from mental illness so people aren't afraid to seek help. Urge our friend to seek help, as well- don't judge. It's very hard to be in your position, but just- be there for her, catch her wen she's falling, and turn her towards help, if that makes sense. Prayers, man.

HexingHayley, Chapter 36

This was perfect. I've been in a situation like this when a loved one of mine was in the same position. In fact I was the one that found her. The way you portrayed everyone's reactions was on the nose!

On a lighter note, love the fact that Loki was in this chapter although I'm frustrated that no one will know what he did! Loki needs more love and saving Amy twice would definitely give him that from the team.

Again, loved, loved, loved this chapter. Please keep it up,

H.H

I'm speechless. I'm glad my portrayal was accurate, but I'm sorry you had to go through that! Hope your loved one is doing better.

As for Loki- the frost giant once again shows he has anything but a cold heart. I can totally imagine Thor giving him this bone-crushing hug if he found out what he did to save Amy, but the won' go with the plot, so just hang in there for now, my fellow loki-lover. ;)

Dream I Dare, Chapter 36

I want to say thank you for 2 things in this chapter. An understanding of how any part of metal illness affects those around you because when you're having a moment you sometimes need that view, and story and view of how it does pass. Mine doesn't have all the time but in waves so I don't know if these waves of weeks will ever stop. I'm getting help but it was good to see it as not so usless. I just want to share on quote I have found in relation to the worries and fears cause but metal illness.

Fear is like a scarecrow. It's keeping us from the good stuff.

Thank you again. Dream

Thanks! I like the idea of other's actions and such when I'm having issues, as it helps me understand more.

For instance- one day I was freaking out and didn't want to go to school. I remember crying and insisting I couldn't do it, but my Dad coaxed me into trying if he drove me to school instead of taking the bus. I asked if it'd make him late for work, and he said it would. I got really quiet and said I was sorry- I didn't want to make him late for work, but at the same time, I was loosing my shit and didn't think I could get to school without him.

Dad understood- he said he knew I didn't want to make his life harder on purpose, and that it was my anxiety that made me need him like I did. Mental illness makes us selfish, and though I hate it- having supportive family like my Dad to help me get through it has made it exponentially easier to deal with.

My issues are similar to yours, in that they don't manifest every day. The majority of the times, I'm your average American teenager (minus the iphone, lol), doing normal stupid stuff and messing around online. But then I have my days where I can;t get out of bed and where I'm rowing in fear, where I literally can't breathe, and where I'm so desperate to just make it all stop because I've lost all control and it will never get better and the only escape is pain... Thankfully, those days are few and far between, and afterwards, I appreciate the good days much more. Feelings are like clouds- they pass overhead. We've just gotta survive the storm. Stay strong, my friend!

JustAnotherFairy, chapter 36

Your writing of the situations adds a personal touch and that allows the readers to connect with amy on a deeper level. You conveyed it so well that makes it real and just full if so much emotion.

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! It makes me really proud whenever someone sits down like this and analyzes the literary elements of my work in depth, and I absolutely love your review! Very in formative and constructive on what I'm doing well!

Guest, chapter 36

Your writing is amazing, as is your strength. I hope I can be as strong as you one day. And I loved how you portrayed Loki. No matter how many times he's shown as the villain, I can't stop feeling bad for him. I like the soft side you showed in this chapter.

*blushes* Thanks! Trust me, though- my incredibly family is to blame, not my strength. I chose to portray Loki as a hero here, because he's so misunderstood. I just imagine him, watching this child fall apart an seeing his own shitty childhood and remembering all his issues and swearing to himself to save her. Because despite it all, Loki's still got a heart!

So many good reviews, guys, I just had to respond to nearly all of them! If you didn't get a response, know it was still appreciated feedback- I just ran out of time. Thanks again guys, and godbless!

"Did you try to kill yourself?"

She nodded, head lolling against the pillow slightly as her glassy eyes stared at nothing in particular. She was heavily drugged- they'd said she'd be in a lot of pain without the drugs, but that they needed to conduct an evaluation. They'd paid off the guards, everyone here, really, ans she'd been transferred to a public hospital, one renoun for their care of adolescents.

Tony sat beside the bed, hands resting on his knees. The doctor frowned, scrawling something on his clipboard from where he was perched at the foot of her bed. He jiggled his leg anxiously- he was afraid of what he'd hear during his evaluation, honestly, but he had to be here. He wouldn't leave her alone- never again.

Steve place a hand on his shoulder, and Tony relaxed slightly, blowing out a breath and looking up, steepling his hands. He stared into his daughter's eyes as the doctor asked the next question.

"Did you want to die?"

She shook her head sluggishly. "Wanted it to stop..." she croaked, voice rough from three days of silence.

The doctor again frowned, looking back down at his clipboard. The only sounds in the room were the scratching of his pen against paper and the ticking of the clock on the wall.

"Why did you cut your arms?"

"I don't know." her voice was barely above a whisper, she was pale, and she looked like a child on the bed- confused, afraid, sleepy. She looked like a porcelain doll- skin pale as linen, hands resting limply on her lap, hospital bracelet hugging her wrist, bandages covering her arms like sleeves.

The most terrifying part of it was her eyes, though- they were blank, staring dully ahead. They were void of any light that'd once had, of the light that'd made her Amy...

She had to have had a reason to cut herself. He was baffled, and terrified- how could she slice herself open and not know why? She just stared blankly at the wall, the IV drip in her arm and the dead look in her eyes a testament to the cocktail of drugs running through her system, warding off the pain and mental clarity.

She knew why she'd cut herself- somewhere within her lurked all the pain and the fear and the answer. But she couldn't verbalize it, not with her mind wrapped in mind-numbing stupor of the pain. The nights where she snapped back to reality under the freezing water of a shower, the blood running down her arms and the blessed silence in her head. It would've been nearly impossible to explain while she was fully conscious, let alone on a slew of drugs.

"I should've died- but the green guy saved me."

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she was silent. The doctor finished scribbling his notes and stood, nodding to Tony. "We'll take her off sedation within a few hours." Tony nodded- he still looked absolutely bedraggled, unshaven, clothes dirty. the doctor nodded to Steve, who looked more capable at the moment. "May I speak with you?"

She woke up to a dull throbbing throughout her body and a shitty taste in her mouth. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the bright light around her. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep in Tony's arms.

Tony was sitting beside her bed, and he smiled when he saw she was awake. Still, there was something in his eyes that made her hesitate...

Steve walked into the room just then, and beamed when he saw she was awake. He had a tray of scrambled eggs in hand, and he smiled, setting the tray in her lap. "Feel like eating?" he asked hopefully.

She felt nauseated, actually, and she nudged the tray away. "I'm good, but thanks."

His smile dulled a few watts, but he hid it well.

The silence in the room was painful, then- she realized just how far she'd fallen, how uncertain they were around her.

"Clint and Natasha should be coming soon." Steve spoke up, desperate to end the anxiety in the air. She simply nodded, eyes never leaving Tony's face.

"There's something I have to tell you."

Tony's face twisted with confusion- what could she possibly want to tell him?

She took a breath and began. "So- you know I wanted to die, obviously. But what you don't know- is that somebody saved me. A man- god, I can barely remember him- he saved me. He told me things, too."

Tony's eyes widened.

"I remember bits and pieces, there was a lot of trauma- but it's gone now. There was pain- there was a lot of pain. But whoever he was- he fixed me. I'm alive because of him."

Tony's eyes had fallen closed, and he swallowed.

"So- I think I can handle living now. I know I really fucked up- but I just wanna go home."

Tony took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, before he spoke. "You're staying."

"What?" she looked up at him, confused. "I'm fine, really- just a bit sore. I want to go home..."

"You're being admitted to the phsyc ward, Amy." Tony told her, voice even, brown eyes serious.

She must've had a horrified look on her face, because Steve quickly reached over and grabbed her hand. "It's a precaution- we just want to make sure you're alright..."

She tore her hand from his grasp, not even bothering to see the concern in his blue eyes as she started to shake.

"What? No... Dad, I just wanna go home..." her eyes filled with tears, and Tony looked away. "I'm sorry." was all he said.

Tears started to stream down her face, then, and she reached out and snatched his hand, desperate. "Tony- please. I'm sorry... I screwed up, I know, please don't be mad, just take me home..."

It was impossible not to look at her when she was clinging to his hand- when he could feel the way her hand was trembling...

He tried desperately not to sound choked up. "I-I'm not... mad- I'm... scared..."

"I didn't mean to! I swear to god I didn't mean to- please don't leave me here!" she shrieked. She lost it all as tears poured down her face- she just wanted to go home...

Tony's heart broke as he looked at her, but he couldn't take her home with him. He couldn't risk finding her, dead, in his house, couldn't survive himself if she were to succeed in her next attempt...

Steve grabbed her by her shoulders, folding her into a hug.

"It's just for a few days..."

"Until you ship me off to some camp for troubled kids and I never see you again! You promised, Tony!" she dissolved into sobbing, then, and Tony was left speechless.

"I... I swear, it's just a few days, I'd never send you off..."

"This is why I swallowed those pills in the first place- you were going to ship me off to some facility!"

The words stung, and Tony stared. She'd found the pamphlets in his office- HE'D driven her to this, HE was the cause of all this pain.

She lifted her head off Steve's shoulder to see a group of people clad in scrubs and a wheelchair in the doorway and panicked.

"Get out! Just get the fuck out!"

"She's due to transfer wards now." a male in scrubs said by way of explaination, stepping into the room.

"We need a few minutes!" Steve said simply, pulling Amy closer to his chest. "Just... just let me get her calmed down..."

"She's due to transfer now. Trust me, if you wait, it'll only be worse..."

"I'm her father, dammit, and we're waiting!" Tony spoke up, mouth set into a firm line, eyes daring anyone in the room to question him.

"You've signed her over to our care, Mr. Stark. As her caregiver for the next 72 hours, I'm making the executive decision to transfer her now..." the man in scrubs didn't seem daunted, walking towards her unabashedly.

"You what!?" Amy exploded, horror and terror mingling on her face. As far as she knew, he'd signed over all his rights and abandoned her, like he'd swore he'd never do...

"I never signed her over! She was to be admitted for evaluation..." Tony was on his feet now, baring down across from the man.

"By admitting her, she's been surrendered to our care and treatment for 72 hours. Nurse, bring in the wheelchair, please?"

Amy tore herself from Steve's arms, scrambling across her bed frantically, eyes wide and chest heaving, panicking fully, now.

Steve was staring at the man, shocked, and the man who was to be her 'caregiver' for the next 72 hours nodded to her, grey eyes serious. "Are you ready to go?"

She reacted in a split second, lunging across the bed and grabbing a vase of wilted flowers off the bedside table. She hurled it at the man's head, and he ducked at the last second, the glass vase hitting the wall beside him and exploding into a million pieces. The man nodded to his collegues, looking alarmed. "Restrain her..."

She'd already climbed out of the bed, though, and was stumbling towards the window, despite the protests of aching muscles...

Before she could do anythung two large security guards were in the room, attemting to corner her. She braced herself against the wall behind her, kicking out wildly and nailing one guard in he groin- the man prompty fell to his knees, clutching his nether regions...

The other guard managed to get his hands on her, but she sank her teeth into the man's forearm, biting until she tased warm blood and the man screamed, falling to his knees and clutching his bloodied arm, before she release him and stood, panting.

"What the fuck is going on here!?" Clint yelled from the doorway, stance dangerously rigid and fists clenched. Natasha stood behind him, eyes wide, and Thor behind her, mouth set in a dangerous line and the boquet of flowers he'd been holding going being crushed in an asguardian death-grip as he witnessed Amy's tears and frightened stance.

Amy saw her chance and dove at the most solid thing in the room- Steve. She clung to him, buring her face in his shirt, trembling like a leaf and crying.

"don'tlethtemtakemeI'msorryI'lldobetterIpromisejustdon'tletthemtakeme." she spoke frantically, each muffled word tearing at his soul as he heard the fear and desperation in her voice and as she attempted to bury her face in Steve's torso, anchoring herself with arms wrapped around his midsection.

The man in scrubs took a step towards them, looking to pry her off Steve, but was stopped by an ice-cold glare from the Steve. His mouth was set in a firm line, a feral, terrifying look in his eye. He would snap someone's neck before he let them take Amy out of his arms, and it was taking every ounce of self-control her had not to snap the man's neck then and there.

"Get...out..." was all he managed to hiss out between clenched teeth.

At that exact moment more security guards bursh into the room- as soon as hey saw Amy they moved towards her, and Steve didn't bother to give them a warning, fist landing solidly in one guard's face, blood errupting from the man's nose as he fell to the floor, out cold.

He slapped the taser from the next guard's grip as though he were simply swatting a fly, still sheilding Amy with his body as he kicked out the man's knee...

All of a sudden there was a needle in his neck, and what felt like ice-water flooded his veins. He turned, surprised, to see the man in scrubs looking shocked himself, holding an empty syringe.

He could hear his pulse slow down, and each breath suddenly took more effort than the last. He'd been sedated before, knew what it felt like- he watched everything go in slow motion as his knees turned to water, and he was on the ground, unable to move.

"Steve! Steve!" Amy was on her knees beside him, tears streaming down her face as she shook him frantically, screaming his name.

He could hear Clint screaming a stream of expelatives from the hallway, where more security had arrived, no doubt- they were just civilian here, not prepared for battle...

He blinked, eyelids shuttering his gaze for a breif moment before opening lazily again, staring up.

Amy's screaming had gotten louder, suddenly, he felt her clinging to his shirt desperately and watched, horrified, and the man in scrubs seized her under the arms, trying to drag her away from him...

Tony was trying to hold off the two security guards who'd recovered and were attemting to get over to them, blood dripping from his nose. He was the only one Amy had right now, the only one who could help her...

And he couldn't move. All he could do was watch as they dragged her from the room, feel his slowing heartbeat jump into his throat as he realized what was going on, fight to keep his eyes open, and feel the dread well up within him.

He blinked again, and by the time he was able to force his eyes open the doctor in scrubs had gotten her to the doorway. She was clinging to the door frame, desperately clawing at the wall, terror and fear in her eyes- and he could do nothing. His godforsaken body wasn't cooperating with him.

He could see her lips moving, but the sound was tinny, delayed, before it reached his ears. He watched her loose her hold on he doorfrme, saw her thrash- a breif flash of her retreating hand and the end of her brown hair as she thrashed, her ankle showed once as she kicked out from when they forced her into the wheelchair...

"Steve!"

Everything went black.