Merle

I unchained the gate and slid it open just enough for Blondie to slip through. She looked over her shoulder one last time as I locked the gate behind her. I could've sworn she looked scared.

I perked an eyebrow at her. "What? The Gov out there waitin' for you?" I asked. If he was, well he'd best hope I didn't find him.

She quickly shook her head. "No, just Milton. We agreed it'd be better for him to wait for me at the car. An unfamiliar face right now would just set everyone on edge."

I snorted. "Ain't possible. We're all more than a little on edge." I paused, makin' sure she saw the angry, bitter look in my eyes. "We're pissed."

She opened her mouth to say somethin', but shut it real fast. Good. Ain't nothin' she could say that I wanted to hear right now. Not when she was playin' messanger for the Governor. When we finally got to the prison door, I stopped and turned around. Andrea hovered behind me, lookin' real nervous.

"Listen here, Blondie. I don't give a damn what you have to say or what your precious Governor has to say…you give him a message from me." I said coldly. "You tell him it don't matter what he does or where he goes. I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna rip his throat out and watch him bleed to death. You tell 'em, Merle's comin'." And he best believe I was gonna make him pay in the worst way for takin' Harlow from me.

Andrea looked pale, but she nodded. I could tell I scared her good. I hope she still looked that scared when she shared my message with the Gov.

"Good. Now let's go wake up Officer Friendy." I tugged open the door to the cellblock and moved inside, Andrea right behind me. I had no idea which cell belonged to who. Figured I'd just holler and once people started comin' out, I'd know which one was his. We weaved through the tables and chairs. I heard another set of footsteps and when I looked back towards the doorway that led to the row of cells, there was Rick. Standin' there like he'd been waitin'. I halted, Andrea almost runnin' right into my back. "Well, looks like ya' won't be needin' a wake up call afterall."

"Heard the door." He grunted. He still hadn't seen Andrea, who was behind me. "Makin' sure there wasn't any trouble."

"No trouble, officer." I didn't bother to hide my sarcasm. I was done tryin' to behave, tryin' to bite my tongue. Harlow wouldn't like it…but she wasn't here anymore. What was the point of anythin' without her? "Looks like we gotta visitor. Look familiar?" I stepped aside and watched his jaw drop when he saw Blondie.

"Andrea? That really you?" He asked, shakin' his head in disbelief.

I pulled out a chair and sat, not really interested in watchin' any of this bullshit heartwarmin' reunion crap. All I was interested in hearin' was where the Governor was plannin' on havin' his little meetin' with Rick, so I could make I was there to make him beg for his life.

"It's really me." She said, givin' him a weak smile. She stepped forward cautiously and Rick immediately took a step back. "How'd you get here?" He asked, soundin' mighty suspicious. I didn't blame him. Chick shows up outta the blue, things look fishy.

Andrea's face fell. She looked hurt. Before she could answer his question, though, there were more footsteps and more voices. Glenn and Maggie suddenly appeared in the doorway. Both of 'em looked just as shocked as Rick to see Andrea, alive and well. I sighed, leanin' back in the chair. I wanted more than anythin' to disappear back into my cell and not have to waste my time out here with these people. I wanted to be alone, think about Harlow. I wondered if I went back to sleep if I'd get to dream about her again. The thought made me ache all over. Maybe dreamin' about her wasn't such a good thing because eventually I'd have to wake up, and she still wouldn't be here. I closed my eyes. God, I would've given just about anything to hold her, touch her, even just to see her and know she was still breathin'.

"Holy shit."

Daryl's voice knocked me outta my own thoughts and sent me plummetin' back into reality. My eyes shot back open and found him hoverin' by the door. He and Charlie had decided to join the party as well.

"Andrea?" Charlie asked, her eyes wide. Blondie gave her a smile, lookin' more and more uncomfortable by the second. Made sense seein' as how she was here on the enemy's orders. "How did you find us?"

I couldn't stop myself from jumpin' in. "Ain't that a funny story. You wanna tell 'em or should I?" I crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for an answer. Instead, all I got was a big, ole' glare that just made me laugh. Time to come clean, Blondie. Tell 'em all what you've been up to with that precious Governor.

"Go on. I think we're all curious to know how the hell you knew where to find us." Rick said when she still didn't answer right away.

The room got real quiet real fast as Andrea finally started to talk. "After we were run off the farm, I got lost in the woods. I thought I was going to end up dead, until Michonne found me." I followed her eyes to where Michonne was leanin' up against the far wall. When the hell had she slipped in the room? Should've known…woman was quiet as hell, always sneakin' around. "I got really sick after a few months and we were on the road, looking for medicine. We ended up running right into Merle and the Governor. I've been in Woodbury ever since."

I felt the Asian kid suddenly lookin' at me and I turned to face him. "You mean to say that Andrea was in Woodbury this entire time and you never bothered to say a damn word about it?" He hissed at me.

I shook my head, lookin' away. No one seemed concerned about Blondie's whereabouts before this. "Cool it, Chinaman. Didn't seem all that important. We had bigger shit to worry 'bout, don't ya' think?" I said quietly. Like the Governor rollin' in here, guns blazin', and takin' away the one thing I had in this world that mattered most.

"I had no idea where the rest of you were until I saw you and Daryl in Woodbury that night. I had no idea he was holding Charlie and Glenn captive. I especially didn't know he planned on coming here and trying to kill you all." Andrea kept on talkin'. "He told me he just wanted to scare you all a little. Intimidate you into giving up the prison. That nobody was going to get hurt."

I stiffened. That nobody was gonna get hurt. I felt rage startin' to prickle underneath my skin all over again. Liar. "Tell that to Harlow." I said, my voice low and steadier than I felt.

Andrea looked at me. Pity in her eyes. All it did was fuel the rage that was slowly comin' back to life all over again. I didn't need her pity. I didn't need anybody's god damn pity. "I'm sorry, Merle. I didn't know." She finally said. Her apology fell flat. She wasn't sorry, not really. She didn't even know Harlow. She didn't even really know me, or even like me. She didn't give a damn.

"Why are you here now, Andrea?" Rick asked.

Her eyes finally flickered away from me. "The Governor sent me to deliver a message. He said he wants peace and he's willing to negotiate. There's a place not far, in between Woodbury and here. He wants you to meet him there tomorrow at noon."

I slammed my fist down on the table top. The sound echoed off the walls and everyone got quiet. "That's bullshit." I said through gritted teeth. "He don't want peace. He don't wanna negotiate." Anybody who believed that was an idiot. This was a man who didn't feel things like remorse or didn't understand right from wrong. All he wanted was to finish what he started and kill every last one of us until nobody was left. He wanted blood.

"Merle." I heard Daryl say my name, no doubt tryin' to calm me down. Tryin' to make me shut my mouth, even though he had to know I was right.

I stood up from my chair, the legs scrapin' against the concrete floor before I pushed past Daryl, my shoulder hittin' him hard enough to make him stumble back a step. I didn't stop, though, until I was standin' in the doorway that led back to the cell rows. "He wants to kill every last one of us and take what we have. He'll do you last, Rick. Right after he kills that baby of yours. So you can watch all your friends and family die." I spat the words at all of 'em, hopin' somethin' would stick. Even if it didn't, even if they wanted to go play nice and make peace with the Governor, it didn't have jackshit to do with me. I was still gonna rip him apart the first chance I had.

I stormed off back to my cell, sinkin' back down onto the bed. I felt too riled up to try and go back to sleep. Too angry, too frustrated, too damn everythin'. Now that I was alone and away from the others, the ache came back. The one that started in the center of my chest and spread to every other part of my body and kept remindin' me of what I'd lost. Harlow's shirt was still on the bed where I'd left it. I took a deep breath in, holdin' myself together as best I could. The only thing that was keepin' me whole right now was thinkin' about how good it would feel when I finally gave the Governor what he deserved. When I finally would get to see the life drain outta of 'em.

I laid back down on the bed, Harlow's shirt clutched tightly in my hand. I hope she knew, wherever she was, that I meant what I'd said before I pulled that trigger. That I'd see her soon.

No dreams this time. Just dark, heavy sleep. I must've been out for a few hours. Still felt like shit, though. I didn't think I'd get used to wakin' up without Harlow curled up next to me, her arm flung over my chest and her body warmer than a space heater. I let out a sigh, rubbin' the sleep from my eyes with the back of my hand. This time yesterday she'd still been alive. The last couple of hours had felt long enough to be a year. Each second, minute dragged without her. How the hell could I go on existin' like this?

"Hey, Merle." It was Charlie. Who else would it be, constantly checkin' up on me like this? I lifted my head to look at her before lettin' it fall back on the pillows. "I brought you some food." I heard her set somethin' down on the desk by the door. I could smell somethin', but wasn't sure what it was. My stomach felt like lead. Didn't know if I could eat a damn thing. "There's working showers on the first floor. If you turn left at the end of the hall. I brought you some clean clothes too."

I realized, for the second time in the past couple of hours, that I was still covered in Harlow's blood, not to mention my own. Still hadn't done a damn thing about the bullet graze on my shoulder. Hadn't bothered me a single lick. She got quiet, still standin' in the doorway. I suddenly found myself strugglin', wantin' to say somethin' but still not ready to say anythin' at all. When I heard her leavin', though, I made up my mind. "Thanks." I said, my voice a hoarse whisper. She didn't say anythin' back. I just heard her footsteps as she walked away.

I waited until it got quiet again before finally sittin' up. I looked at the bowl of food across the room and my stomach grumbled. I still didn't feel like eatin', but my body was arguin'. I sighed before forcin' myself to get up and take the food. I'd need it if I was gonna take down the Governor. I ate slowly while sittin' at the foot of the bed, scrapin' the edges of the bowl with the spoon until it was empty. The oatmeal felt like a lump in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't decide if that was better than an empty stomach or not.

I looked down at my shirt, at my hands. I still had a hard time believin' it was her blood that I was covered in. I stood back up, dumpin' the empty bowl back on the desk before grabbin' the pile of clothes and makin' my way to the showers Charlie had mentioned. Gettin' clean was the last thing I was worried about doin', but I couldn't keep lookin' down at myself, seein' the blood, and suddenly picturin' her bleedin' to death on the catwalk all over again. The ache was bad enough already. The hole in my chest already too huge.

Only took me a minute to find the showers. I picked one of the stalls at the far end of the room and started peelin' off my dirty clothes. I stepped onto the tiled floor of the stall and turned the faucet on. Cold water shot out of the showerhead, but I didn't even flinch. I let it pelt against my face and my chest. I held up my hands under the water and watched the red stains disappear from my skin and disappear down the drain. I placed my palm against the wall, bowing my head under the freezin' water.

I stood there until I felt numb. The cold water didn't do a damn thing to numb the inside of me, though, which was where I needed it most. I needed not to feel, at least not for a little while. I couldn't stop thinkin' about Harlow, though, and every time I did, it felt like a gunshot to the heart. Then all over again there was the shock that she was gone, and the horribly, painful realization that she wasn't comin' back. It was a vicious cycle that kept on repeatin' over and over and over again. There was no shuttin' it off but I would've done almost anythin' just for a little release. But the pain was what was fuelin' me to do what I needed to do. What I had to do.

I shut the water off and dressed in the clean clothes. The sleeves were too tight so I easily ripped them off, usin' one as a bandage for the scrape on my arm. I grabbed the clothes with the rust colored stains from the ground and balled them up, tossin' 'em into a garbage can in the corner where I wouldn't have to see them again. I headed to the common room, stoppin' first to grab my gun and to tug on the makeshift, metal hand blade. I left the blade off for now, though. I'd wait until I was on my way to use it against the Governor.

I swore every damn pair of eyes was on me when I walked into the room. I ignored 'em, lookin' for my brother. "Where's Daryl?" I asked, hopin' at least one of these assholes would answer me.

"He just left with the others. To meet with the Governor." Charlie answered. She was sittin' at one of the tables with her brother, both of 'em eyein' me like I was a grenade or somethin'. Set to explode at any damn minute.

I narrowed my eyes. "What the hell you mean they already left? Ain't anybody think to ask if I was comin'?" I asked. No matter, I would find my own damn way there.

"That's the last place you need to be right now, Merle. You know that." It was Charlie again. She was on the edge of her chair, palms on the tables. Ready to jump up and stop me the second I tried to get out the door no doubt.

"My ass it is. That's exactly where the hell I need to be right now. So I can unload my gun right into his skull." I snarled.

"You don't even know where they're going." Glenn said, his voice cold as ice. He sure wasn't a fan of mine. Still.

I turned slowly to face him. "That's why ya'll are gonna tell me. Then I'm gonna go ahead and waltz out the door after my brother, and do exactly what the hell I need to do."

"Nobody's letting you out of this prison. Rick left me in charge, which means you do what I say. All you'll do, Merle, is end up getting all of them killed." Glenn shot back. His fists were clenched at his sides, his face turnin' redder and redder by the second. I almost laughed. Almost. It was pretty damn funny that this scrawny kid thought he could try and stop me.

"He's right. You're angry, I get that. But revenge isn't the way to go right now." Charlie added. I watched as she and Glenn exchanged looks, which only pissed me off more.

"I don't give a damn what you or anybody else in this room thinks. I'm goin', and you're fuckin' crazy if you think you can stop me." There was a pretty clear warnin' in my voice. I took a step towards the door and Glenn was suddenly blockin' my path. I glared at him, takin' another step closer so we were just barely inches a part. He didn't flinch. "Best get outta my way, Chinaman. Before I knock you out."

He didn't say anythin', but when I tried to take a step forward his hand shot out and pushed me back. Only hard enough to make me stumble back a single step, but it was like the door had been ripped off the cage that was keepin' my rage all pent up. I let out a roar of anger and pulled back my fist, before lettin' it fly and hittin' him square in the jaw. He fell back, but recovered a little more quickly than I thought he would and hit me square in the jaw. I could hear everybody else yellin', scramblin' around as they watched us. The sound was dull in my ears, though, under the throbbin' of my pulse. I swung back my fist again, but suddenly Charlie was there, puttin' herself in the middle of us. I was midswing and I saw her flinch. I forced myself to stop, pantin' heavily.

"Get the hell outta the way before you get hurt, girlie." I breathed, my eyes still on the Asian kid on her other side. His woman had come up behind him and was tryin' to pull him back, whisperin' franticly in his ear.

"We both know you wouldn't lay a hand on me. Now calm the hell down." She ordered. When I tried to move towards Glenn again, she put both hands on my chest and was pushin' me back, outta the common area and back towards the cells. She grabbed my arm and hauled me away. I felt the fight in me start to drain and I numbly followed her to my cell. She pushed me down on the bed, crossin' her arms over her chest as she glared at me. "You're fighting the wrong people, Merle."

"I wouldn't halfta if ya' just let me go after Daryl! This could be over already! One shot to the head and the Governor's done." I said heatedly. I didn't tell her I planned on drawin' it out, that it wouldn't be a quick thing. I wanted it to be painful for him.

Her eyes softened a little and she sat down on the bed next to me. "You know it won't be that easy. He'll have his people with him. Glenn was right…you'll end up getting Daryl or someone else hurt." I leaned forward, rubbin' my hand over my face but didn't say a word back. She sighed and kept goin'. "I'm sorry for what happened to Harlow. I know I've said it a million times already, but I mean it. My heart hurts when I look at you. I know you're in pain, but this isn't the way."

She didn't get it. If this wasn't the way, then what was? There was no right way or wrong way. I just knew that this was what I needed to do. For Harlow. For me. "I dunno what else to do. I wish more than anythin' that it would've been me instead of her."

"I know." Charlie said quietly. "If it had been Daryl, I'd be sitting here wishing the same thing."

"He needs to die." I added in a savage whisper.

"Maybe." She said with a shrug and I was surprised when she agreed with me. "But you going off on this suicide mission isn't going to do any good. You need to think, Merle. Daryl is still here and he's your brother. He needs you too."

"He's got you." I said shortly.

She shook her head. "It's not the same. He's your brother." She said again. "We'll figure out a way to deal with this. Let them come back and hear what they have to say. Just wait. Don't storm off and get yourself or somebody else killed."

I bit my tongue. There was no sense keepin' her here arguin' with me. Maybe she was half right. That goin' in right now, guns blazin', wasn't the best plan. Maybe it'd be better to wait. But either way I was gonna be the one to kill him no matter what. "I'll wait." I finally said.

She looked relieved. "Good." I watched as she eyed the shirt sleeve tied around my shoulder. "You should have Hershel look at that."

I grunted in response, not really givin' a damn about my shoulder. What the hell did it matter anyways? She got up after another second. I felt her small hand squeeze my shoulder before she left the room and I was alone again. I hadn't lied when I'd said I'd wait. I'd wait for the right time. I'd wait for a time when everyone least expected me to go after him. Then I'd end this my way.

I wanted to be numb. That was how I found myself wanderin' around the boiler room in the prison. I'd wandered the back corridors, ransacked the empty rooms for hours. I'd been in prison enough times to know they weren't exactly clean cut places. Prisoners found ways to make hooch, to smuggle in drugs. I just had to find where all that shit ended up. I'd already stripped every mattress in the empty cells in our block. Nothin'. It'd always been my favorite places to hide my shit, though, when I'd ended up behind bars.

It was by accident that I ended in the boiler room. Shelves and filin' cabinets were pushed up against the far wall. Looked like a place where they went through the mail when this place had been up and runnin'. I started tearin' through the drawers, lookin' through papers and envelopes. I'd be damned if there wasn't a lick of drugs or hard liquor left in this god damn prison. I just wanted a little. Just enough to make the hole in my chest go away. To feel nothin' for a little while.

"What the hell you doin' in here?"

I whirled around, pressin' my back up against the wooden cabinet. Daryl stood in the doorway, head cocked to the side. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew exactly what I was doin'. Didn't know why he bothered to ask. Maybe he was just curious about what I would say, if I'd try to cover my tracks.

"Lookin' for booze." I answered, which was half true. "Didn't know ya'll were back yet."

"We just got back." He said, walkin' further into the room. I watched as he grabbed a fistful of the papers I'd been searchin' through before tossin' 'em on the ground. "You lookin' for drugs, Merle?" He asked quietly.

I rolled my eyes. "So what if I am?"

I watched as his eyes narrowed into slits, the look on his face hardenin' into stone. "I thought you were done with that shit."

I let out a laugh. "I'm only done 'cause I can't find anythin'. If I remember correctly, my stash was in my bike which ended up with you when I got left behind. If you still have my shit, though, I'd be glad for ya' to hand it over." I held out my palm, face up, and Daryl shook his head.

"I got rid of it. All of that crap. Now ain't the time anyways." He spat.

"It's a perfect time. My head needs to go away for a little while. Unless you've already forgotten, Harlow was murdered and buried yesterday. So fuckin' excuse me, Darlina, if I need somethin' to help me stop thinkin' about it!" I yelled, my voice echoin' off the walls.

Daryl's expression faltered for a second before his glare went right back up. "Rick wants to talk to you." He said, brushin' every damn word I'd just said. "The Governor wants to make a deal."

"Like hell he does. He wants ya'll to think he wants to make a deal so he can conviently forget his half of the bargain and do whatever he wants anyways." I shot back. There were no deals when it came to him. I remembered clear as day the so called deal he'd made me when I was tryin' to find Daryl, back when I was in Woodbury.

"Just come talk to Rick." Daryl repeated.

I took in a deep breath and let it out through my mouth. "Fine." I brushed past him, puttin' my search on hold. I'd hear what the officer had to say. If it helped me in executin' my plan, all the better. If not, I'd come up with somethin' else on my own just fine.

Daryl was quiet as he fell into step with me a second later. We wound our way through the narrow corridors until we were back at the cellblock. He slowed to a stop, grabbin' my arm. "I ain't gonna tell Rick what you were doin' back there. But you know as much as I do gettin' fucked up ain't gonna solve nothin'. When you crash, everythin's just gonna feel that much worse."

I stared at him and he stared right back, neither of our gazes waverin'. Deep down, I knew he was right. Harlow wouldn't want me doin' that shit, even if I could find somethin'. I wasn't about to admit it, though. Instead, I turned on my heel and headed back towards the common area. Rick was by the door, talkin' in a hushed voice with Hershel. When he saw me, he motioned towards the door. I nodded and followed after him outside.

It was dusk, the sky a dusty purple color. Once the door had shut firmly behind us, Rick turned to face me. Hands on his hips, he staired me down a minute before talkin'. "I still dunno know whether to trust you or not, but I need someone like you with me on this." He started off. "You spent time in Woodbury. You know how the town works, how many people they are, how well supplied they are. And you've spent time with the Governor."

"Get on with it." I said shortly.

He shot me a look, but shook his head after a moment. "He wants to make a deal. He wants you and Michonne and in exchange, he'll leave us alone."

My eyebrows shot up. "Don't tell me you believe that shit? He ain't gonna leave you alone." I said urgently. "He was already pissed 'bout what ya' pulled in Woodbury, but now he's seen this place. He wants what you have and he'll do anythin' to get it."

He licked his lips before answerin', lookin' uneasy. "I had to think about it, though. Merle, my kids are in there."

"I get that, but turnin' us over ain't gonna do shit. He won't kill us anyways. He'll just torture us, nice and slow. Until were beggin' to die. Even then he won't kill us. Not until he feels like it." I told him quietly, my eyes blazin'. "Tell me, officer, how well will you be able to sleep at night with that restin' on your shoulders?"

He let out a sigh. "I had to think about it, though." He muttered. His eyes averted to the ground before he looked back up at me. "He gave me until tomorrow afternoon to think about it. Said if I didn't show up with you two, he'd launch an all out attack on this place."

"He's gonna do that no matter what. Looks like you gotta decide if you're leavin' with your people, or if you're goin' to war." I said. "If I were you, I'd pick war." I knew I was goin' to war no matter what. I had my own, personal battle to fight. And Rick had just given me the ammunition to start it. I turned and headed back inside the prison, but Rick's voice stopped me. "Thank you, Merle."

I shrugged it off. "Don't thank me yet. You still got one helluva battle in front of ya'."

I headed back to my cell, avoidin' eye contact with everyone else. Includin' Daryl. I'd leave Rick to tell them what he decided, whatever it was. I had plans to think about. I wasn't surprised the Governor's price was me and Michonne. She was the one who brought Rick and his people to the prison. I was the one who went against his orders and tried to rescue Glenn and Charlie before he killed 'em.

I smiled a little. It was almost too perfect. He was expectin' Rick to show up tomorrow ready to hand us over or not show at all. What he wasn't expectin' was for me to show up all on my own, startin' my own little party. The plan slowly started comin' together in my head I suddenly felt calmer than I had in hours. Calmer than I'd thought I'd ever feel again. I laid back down on the bed for what I knew without a doubt in my mind would be the last time. I laced my fingers behind my head, closed my eyes, and waited. Wouldn't be too much longer now.

The sun was just beginnin' to come up when I finally moved from the bed. It still dark, though, just enough light to make out the shadowy shape of the desk by the door. I was already dressed, hadn't even bothered to unlace my boots or nothin' when I laid down a few hours before. I strapped on my hand knife and shoved my pistol into the waistband of my jeans before givin' the room one last look. I paused when I saw Harlow's shirt peekin' out from underneath one of the pillows. I was pickin' it up before I could stop myself, pressin' the fabric against my face. I could barely make out her smell anymore. It was like she was slowly disappearin' from my life more and more. I debated on whether or not to take it, but tossed it back on the bed. I wouldn't need it. Not after today.

I didn't look back again as I left the room, movin' silently through the hallway. It was quiet and still. Exactly how I needed it to be for what I needed to do next. I slowed to a stand still outside the doorway I knew Rick slept behind. I could hear his deep, even breathin' comin' from the other side of the blanket that hung in the doorframe like a flimsy, makeshift door. I took a breath and pulled it aside, duckin' into the small space. I searched the room with my eyes. My pulse quickened when I spotted the small folded up piece of paper on the chair in the corner. I stole one look at the sleepin' officer before creepin' further into the room and swipin' the map. I breathed a sigh of relief once it was in my hand and I was back out in the hallway.

I didn't stop to unfold it, to look at it and see where I was goin'. Not yet. Instead, I stopped off at the little room that served as the armory and took one of the few guns piled on the table. Maybe they'd miss it, but I needed it more. Anyways, they'd probably thank me for what I was about to do. I wasn't until I was outside, in the early mornin' light that I finally took out the map to have a look. I traced the route with my finger, markin' the place where I'd be meetin' the Governor. I smirked a little. He was in for one helluva surprise. I folded the map back up and tucked it into my pocket, makin' my way down the gravel drive. I veered off course, though, and headed in the direction of the guard tower.

The two wooden crosses came into view, one with a fresh mound of dirt piled in front of it. I stopped at the foot of the grave, starin' down at the brown earth. I couldn't stand to think of her down there. It made my chest ache, made me feel weak and I needed all the strength that I could get right now. I knelt to the ground and placed my palm in the dirt. It was as close to her as I could get. "Hold on, sugar. I'm comin'." I whispered. I drew in a shaky breath. I hung around another minute longer before forcin' myself to stand and walk away. I didn't look back once. Not even when I made it outside the gates and was finally on the main road.

I still had plenty of time. I doubted anyone at the prison would notice I was missin' for a little while. Even when they saw I was gone from my cell, it'd still take a while for them to guess that I'd left completely. Then they'd have figured out where I was headed. Probably wouldn't take Darly long to guess that one. If I was gonna get anywhere, though, I'd need to get a car first. I should've just taken one from the prison, but couldn't risk anyone wakin' to the sound of the engine started. I was better off snaggin' one from off the roads.

It was a while, though, before I came across anythin' and even then most of the cars were either on empty or had more than a few of the necessary parts missin'. The first workin' one I did find was a tan, rusted Buick that looked like hell. Probably why no one had bothered tryin' to take it. Sure enough, though, when I tried to start it the engine fired right up. I grinned a little as I slid behind the wheel. My foot pressed down on the gas, the fingers of my good hand curled around the wheel as I steered back onto the road.

For some damn reason I didn't understand, the drive reminded me of when I'd tried to skip outta Atlanta after just cuttin' off my hand. I didn't know what the hell I was thinkin'. It was luck that Harlow found me. God damn luck that she happened to be travelin' the same road that I was and that she remembered the car I'd been drivin'. It all came down to luck that the woman ended up in my life at all. Up until that point, I'd been one unlucky bastard. She changed everythin', though. She turned everythin' around for me. I wasn't as dumb as I looked. I knew as sure as hell was hot that she made me a better man.

The sun got higher and higher in the middle of the sky. It was gettin' closer to the time and judgin' by the map, I was close. Real close. I passed by a run down sign on the side of the road, advertisin' cold beers and bikini clad dancers. Sounded like my kinda joint. Time for a last drink. Half a mile down the road, the sorry lookin' buildin' came into view. Even before all this shit, the place had probably been a real dump. The kinda place bikers would hang out in, skeazy women wanderin' around in high heels and short dresses. The kinda place that once upon a time I woulda hung out in. I smiled a little. The kinda place Harlow would hate and kill me for settin' foot in.

I pulled the car into the abandoned parkin' lot, shuttin' off the engine. There was a lone walker hangin' around on the front porch. It stumbled off it when he heard the car, trippin' over its feet to get to me. I waited until it was close and swung the car door open. There was a loud crack as the walker flew down into the pavement. I was on 'em in a second, jammin' my blade into its skull. It didn't move again. I staggered to my feet, towards the front doors of the bar. They swung open easily. I let out a low whistle to see what would come runnin'. Sure enough, more moans. Another walker trudged into view. I handled this one nice and quick, like the first walker. Then, there was quiet. I sidled up to the full bar and browsed the picked over shelves. Nothin' good left. Just the bottom shelf shit.

I found a half empty bottle of whiskey and grabbed it. Wasn't no Jack Daniels, but it'd do for a last drink. I grabbed two shot glasses and polished 'em with the ends of my shirt before settin' 'em on the bar. The barstool creaked as I sat down onto it. I poured each glass half full of the amber colored liquid.

"Doesn't seem right ya' didn't even get to have a last drink…but then again nothin' 'bout it seems right." I muttered. I ran my hand over my face before lettin' it fall onto the bar. "God damn. I miss ya' somethin' awful, woman." I swished the liquid 'round the glass before clinkin' it against the second one. "Wish me luck, princess."

It burned as it went down, makin' me warm from top to bottom. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand before takin' the second shot. Still burned goin' down, but felt better than the last one. I shoved both the glasses to the floor with a sweep of my arm. The broken glass crunched under my boots as I headed back towards the parkin' lot, the whiskey bottle in my hand. I got back into the car and took another long swig. I didn't even notice the burn that time.

Just for the hell of it, I pressed the power button on the car's radio. The loud, thrashin' sound of guitars crackled through the speakers. Whoever owned this car had shit taste in music, but I didn't give a single fuck. I twisted the knob until the entire car rattled, until it was nothin' but a loud roar in my ears. I figured why the hell not? Might as well have a little fun before the end.

There was suddenly a loud poundin' sound comin' from the back window. I swivled in my seat and got a look at one nasty walker climbin' onto the back of the car. At least a dozen more were followin' behind him. The loud music must've drawn 'em out from wherever they'd been hidin'. I grinned and turned back around, puttin' the bottle to my lips. Damn things were stupid as all hell. I didn't have the doors locked. All they had to do was figure out how to open the door, but they were apparently even too dumb for that. One of 'em had started pawin' at the driver's side window, mouth gapin' as it growled and howled like some sort of wild animal. I threw back my head, lettin' out a laugh. Dumbass.

Harlow would've killed me if she was here. Why did every little damn thing make me think about her? Make me wonder what she would say and do if she was still around? I remembered the time we'd polished off a bottle of whiskey together, sittin' on that bench in Woodbury. I smiled as I remembered how pink her cheeks had been, how giggly she'd sounded. I didn't think I'd ever forget that night. It was the first time I'd touched her, when she threw herself at me in the middle of the hallway. It was the first time I'd realized she was more than just some woman that saved my life.

I took one last drink before tossin' the bottle into the backseat and revvin' the engine. I'd needed the buzz for what I was about to do, but it wouldn't do me any good to be hammered before I'd even found my way there. I threw the car into reverse and pressed down hard on the pedal. The car peeled out and there was a loud thump as one of the walkers got pulled underneath the back tires. I put the car in drive and took out two more walkers on my way out of the gravel parkin' lot. More were still comin', though. They staggered and limped after the car. The loud music still blared through the speakers, drawin' 'em closer and closer. I felt a smirk tug at the corners of my mouth as an idea suddenly planted itself in my head. I was a god damn genius. I pulled out onto the road, drivin' forward a few feet before stoppin'. The small crowd of walkers followed. My smirk grew. Looked like I was gonna be bringin' along a few extra guests. I hoped the Governor wouldn't mind.

More and more walkers joined the herd behind the car as I headed towards the meetin' spot. I'd drive about half a mile, make sure they were still followin', and then press down on the pedal and keep goin'. I knew I was close when I saw the silos comin' up in the distance. Looked like there were a few barns on the property as well. I was more than sure that the Governor was waitin' inside one of 'em, some of his men close by. I slowed the car and idled for a minute. This was it. This was where it all ended. I took a deep breath, slowly lettin' it out through my mouth. My grip tightened on the steering wheel. Then I hit the pedal hard.

The car rocketed forward. I grabbed the assault rifle from the seat next to me and opened the car door. I reminded myself that this was the easy part. The second the car pulled up next to one of the barns, I kicked the door open the rest of the way and bailed. I rolled to a stop and immediately scrambled to my feet, pressin' myself up against the side of the buildin'. The herd of walkers staggered past me, followin' the car and the loud, shrill music. I crouched down and peered around the side. Just in time to hear the gunfire. It came from both sides and I watched as bullets made dozens and dozens of nickel sized holes in the car. Walkers went down, sprawled on the ground as the car finally came to a stop.

The gunfire finally stopped. The car was quiet now, the engine no doubt destroyed. My heart was hammerin' against my ribcage and it was the only other sound I could hear besides the few walkers that were left trudging' around the open space. Suddenly, I saw Martinez. He was cautiously steppin' outside the cover of the buildin', eyes on the car. Sucker. He really thought there was somebody in there. He waved his hand and few other men left their hidin' spots to join him. I watched as Martinez ducked and looked into the window of the car. His face fell when he realized it was empty. His mouth was movin' as he gave some sort of order to the rest of his men. Then they were openin' fire on the rest of the walkers. It was one helluva distraction.

I pulled myself up and hurried around to the other side of the barn, slippin' in through a door in the back. I stayed low to the ground as I quietly made my way towards the open window that faced the field where I'd just driven the car. The gunfire hadn't stopped yet. They all knew by now that there was somethin' else goin' on. That somebody was playin' games with 'em. I still had an advantage until they figured out that somebody was me.

I carefully looked through the window. My breath hitched when I saw him. The Governor. He stood right out in the open, close to the doors of the buildin' Martinez had come out of. He was eyein' the car with an amused expression. He wasn't worried. Good. He'd be dead before he even knew what hit 'em. I lifted up the rifle. My fingers felt slick, wet with sweat. This was it, I repeated to myself. One good hit. I took aim and squeezed the trigger. It was a sweet shot. Perfect. My face fell, though, as I watched the bullet bury itself into the wrong person. Some dumbass had gotten in the way at the last possible second.

"Son of a bitch!" I growled. The Governor's head snapped in my direction, eyes narrowed. I ducked, cursin' under my breath. Ain't no backin' out now. He knew somebody was in here and I'd better be ready the second he walked through those front doors.

I suddenly felt myself bein' ripped backwards by my shirt. I flew onto my back, hittin' the ground hard. I gasped for breath, a sharp pain tearin' through my lungs. A walker stood over me, jaws snarlin' and chompin' as its grimy fingers wrapped around my shirt. Son of a bitch had snuck up on me. I gritted my teeth and bent my knees, shootin' out both legs right at its chest. I heard the thud as it keeled over. I was back on my feet quick, grabbin' it by the throat and jabbin' my blade into its skull. It slumped over onto the floor.

I staggered back, my chest heavin' as I tried to catch my breath. A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around my shoulders and I felt the sharpness of a blade against my throat. I swallowed hard as I realized I'd been caught. Ain't no walker I know of that can hold a knife. "You're as dumb as you look, Dixon. Comin' here on your own." A voice hissed in my ear. Martinez. My eyes shot forward, my blood runnin' cold, as the Governor stepped into view.

"I came to turn myself in." I said, half my mouth turnin' upwards in a heartless grin.

"Unless you got that Michonne hidin' out somewhere, the deal's no good. I said I wanted both of you. And that I wanted Rick to deliver you to me personally." The Governor said in a low, dangerous voice.

"Didn't anybody ever tell ya life ain't fair?" I asked, cockin' my head to one side as I looked up at him. The blade dug into my skin a little more and I felt a tiny prick before warm blood was runnin' down my neck. My grin grew. They didn't really think a little cut was gonna scare me? I cut my own damn hand off after all.

I didn't give him a chance to answer. I threw my head back as hard as I could until I felt the collision and heard the crack of my skull against Martinez's. The knife clattered to the ground. I ignored the poundin' in my head and whirled around, slammin' my fist against his face. He went down and was still. A blow to my shoulder suddenly spun me around. I felt the Governor's fist slam against my jaw. I stumbled, my vision swimmin'. I could see him, though, pullin' back his arm…A low growl escaped my throat and I launched myself at him. We both fell through the wooden doors and into the grass outside.

My pulse raced, my head pounded. We were a twisted jumble of arms and legs as we scuffled on the ground. I finally got my arms around his middle and rolled him onto his back. I sat up and swung my fist at him over and over again. I couldn't hear anythin' besides the poundin' inside my own body. I couldn't keep track of how many hits I got in, but I felt his blood on my knuckles. It wasn't enough. It wouldn't be enough until I saw the life drain out of him. Until I saw the fear and the pain in his eyes the way I saw it in Harlow's when she died in my arms.

Then, his fingers curled around my wrist, his grip like iron. I grunted, every muscle in my body burnin' as I tried to tear myself out of his grip. Then, I felt the iron hot pain as his teeth clamped down around my fingers. A savage, animal like howl burst from my lungs as I rolled off of him, clutchin' my hand close to my chest. I looked down and watched as the blood spurted from the nubs where my fingers used to be, drechin' my hand and the front of my shirt in the dark, warm liquid. When I glanced back at the Governor, he was wipin' blood from his mouth. My blood. Somewhere, two of my fingers were on the ground.

I fought against the pain, strugglin' to my feet. His fist connect with my face again and I fell onto my side. I crawled on the ground, my limbs shakin'. The grass was slick with blood. I thought of Daryl and Harlow then, as I looked down at the red stains that pooled in the grass. This wasn't for nothin'. This was for them. For them and everyone else at that god damn prison. Good people didn't deserve to die like this, but maybe I did. If I was gonna die, though, then my last act on this shithole of a planet wasn't gonna be for nothin'.

I took a deep breath and picked up my head, staggerin' onto my knees. I felt somethin' suddenly jab into my chest and looked down to the see the end of a shiny, silver pistol pointed right at my heart. My eyes traveled from the hand that held the gun, up to the cold, unsmiling face of the Governor.

I took in a long, deep breath. I knew it would be one of my lasts. I was okay with that. I thought of Daryl again. My brother. Maybe I'd never told him, but I was damn glad I got the chance to see him one last time. I was glad to see him happy, with Charlie. To know that when I left him, I wouldn't be leavin' him alone. I thought of Harlow, her gray eyes and her dark hair. Her smile, her frowns, the look she got in her eyes when she was tryin' hard not to laugh at somethin' I said. I thought of the way she smelled, the way she felt pressed up against me. Everythin' I thought of since the moment she'd gone, filled my head, bombarding me. Jesus, I loved her. With every single piece of me, I loved her and for some god forsaken reason she loved me back. I could die happy, I could die feelin' like my life was worth somethin' because of her. I suddenly felt more at peace than I had in a long, long time. I was finally done. Then, I was smiling. The smallest, ghost of a smile but it was there. Dyin' felt so easy compared to everythin' else I'd been through. Harlow was waitin', and damn would she be pissed when I got to wherever she was, but we'd be together. That was all I cared about.

I met the Govenor's eyes. I could tell he was waitin' for me to say somethin'. To pleade, cry, bargain. To die on my knees like the weak man he thought I was. He didn't know that this was my choice, though. That I was more than happy to give it all up. I slowly shook my head. "I ain't gonna beg ya'."

I heard the distinct click as he switched the pistol's safety off. His finger slowly squeezed the trigger. I closed my eyes.

I'm on my way, princess.

Author's Note:

We made it to the end, guys. I am so incredibly grateful to all my readers. Because of all of you, this story got an amazing amount of love and appreciation. I know that I am personally very proud of what I've accomplished here...I mean this is the first time I've finished a story since I was about fifteen. Thank you all so much for giving Merle a chance and letting me share the side of him we never got to see, but I always felt he was capable of. I loved writing this story and I loved sharing it with all of you. In the future, I wouldn't be opposed to maybe writing a few one shots about Merle and Harlow...just to revisit them. Thank you again! I appreciate all your votes, comments, and messages! Much love to all of you!

-Nikki