Chapter 35- Connected
When Susan gets home, she stops on her tracks when she sees you throwing clothes in a bag.
"What's going on?", she asks, surprised.
You sigh "My brother was arrested in Vegas… Must be off his meds… I have to go…".
She looks at you concerned "Did they say what happened? Is he okay?".
You sit on the edge of the bed "He was screaming in the middle of the street at 4 AM, completely drunk… He's manic, I know it…", you say, rubbing your forehead.
She sits next to you "I'm sorry about that… Tell you what, just let me call County and I'll go with you, ok?".
"No, no. You stay here", you shake your head.
"I want to go…", she insists, while you finish packing up.
"You don't have to deal with this, Susan…".
"Your problems are my problems, too!", she says.
You shake you head and she sighs "Why are you shutting me out?".
You look at her and place your hand on her arm "I'm not shutting you out… I just don't think you should be dealing with this…".
"I've gone through the same several times with Chloe… I know how hard it is to go through all that alone… And I want to be there for you…", she smiles.
You smile at her "And this is exactly why I love you so much… But I want you to stay here… Last time he had violent spurts and… I want you to be here, safe at home, ok? I don't want to be nervous, worried about something happening to you… and the baby", you tell her softly.
She nods, reluctantly.
You add "Besides, it'll only take about two days. I'm going there and have him committed in a psychiatric facility and that's it… Eric has to start taking responsibility for himself, I can't keep doing that forever…", you mumble.
" Are you sure you're going to be okay on your own?".
"I am... God, I already miss you…", you smile, letting your hand rest on her lower abdomen, stroking it gently…
"Should I cancel the ultrasound?", she asks.
Oh, great. You had forgotten about that... Her first ultrasound is in two days, her OB had her agenda full, did you a favor by getting you an appointment…
"Damn it!", you shake your head in frustration.
"It's okay, we can reschedule it…".
"No, you should do it! I'm so sorry I won't be there… But you definitely should do it, I want to be sure our baby is okay…".
"Okay, then… Just take care of yourself… and call me if you need something… or just talk…", she smiles sweetly.
"I'll call you when I get there, okay?", you say, pulling her to a kiss.
---
The police station is full of people. You're about to ask a desk clerk where to find the officer who called you, when you hear someone calling your name.
"Abby?".
You turn around and see Maggie, on a chair.
"Mum, what are you doing here?", you frown.
She looks at you for a moment "He's my son, what do you think I'm doing here?".
You shrug "They contacted me, too… have you talked with him?".
She nods "He called me, that's why I'm here. He's scared, he doesn't want to be committed…".
You interrupt her "He has to! I can't take care of him right now! And you know what'll happen if he doesn't start treatment!".
Maggie touches your arm to get your attention "I know that, sweetie… They gave me some pamphlets about local clinics…".
You look at her surprised "So, you're going to commit him?". You were ready for a big fight. She looks way too calm.
"He's going to hate me for a while, but it's for his own good…".
A tall man interrupts you "Mrs. Wyczenski?".
It's Eric's lawyer. He says that Eric will only be released tomorrow morning.
"Can I see him?", you ask.
"Not today, I'm afraid… Visits are restricted…".
You came all the way from Chicago and now you can't even see him…
Your mother and the lawyer carry on talking, you decide to go outside get some fresh air.
You call Susan.
"Hey, it's me…".
"How's Eric?".
You tell her you haven't had the opportunity to talk to him. You tell her about your mum, about the lawyer…
"And how are you?", she asks.
"Tired… Tomorrow's going to be tough, I'm sure he's going to flip out… Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm okay… I'll see you in two days…".
"Okay... We miss you…", she says softly.
You smile " Me too… I love you… bye". You flip off your phone.
You notice your mum's looking at you, intrigued.
"So… where are you staying?", she asks.
"Huh, I still have to arrange that… what about you?".
"Same. Maybe we can do that together?", she smiles.
"Ok, sure…".
You find a small hotel, they tell you they only have one double room available.
You look at each other "If that's okay with you…", she says.
"Sure…", you nod.
While you're in the shower, Maggie asks you if you want to order pizza.
"Ok!", you shout back.
After you finish eating, an uncomfortable silence settles. You look at each other, until you ask her how she is.
" Oh… I'm fine. Haven't skipped my meds since that last time…", she smiles.
"That's great, mum… How is Barry?".
She frowns at you "Barry?... Oh, you mean Bob!", she chuckles.
You nod "Yeah, Bob!", you smile, feeling like the America's worst daughter…
"I dumped him!", she chirps.
" Oh, I'm sorry about that…", you reply.
"Don't be! He couldn't keep up with me!", she winks at you.
"Mum!", you moan, embarrassed at the way this conversation is heading…
"What? Oh, Abby, stop being so narrow-minded! You think I don't enjoy sex like everyone else?".
You refuse to discuss this with her "Ok! I just don't need to know the details…".
"What about you? I heard you on the phone...".
"I'm great…", you smile.
She examines you for a long moment "You look good, sweetie… Relaxed… I haven't seen you like that in a very long time… Anyone from work?", she asks.
You feel rattled. How are you supposed to tell her this?
"I'm very happy, right now… I… I'm in love with someone who loves me back so strongly… who loves me just the way I am… And… I think I have that right… to be happy…", you stumble.
"Of course you have! What are you talking about, Abby?", she smiles.
"I know this will come as a shock and I'd like you to understand that I've never been happier so… so, if you can't accept that, I'll be very sorry, but I won't give up on this person…", your throat feels so dry that it burns...
She just looks at you, confused "What's going on? I don't know what you're talking about...".
"Do you remember Susan Lewis from County? You met her the last time you were in Chicago…", you start.
"The blonde one? Yes, she was very nice!", she smiles. You realize she's not getting your point…
"Huh… We're good friends… Huh… We got closer and… huh…", you feel your cheeks reddening…
Then, suddenly, it hits her. Her eyes widen, she covers her mouth with her hand.
"Abby… you're telling me you're… gay?".
That word…
"I… I don't know what I am… but I know that I'm in love with her like I never was before… And she's so good to me… She doesn't try to change me or tell me how I should feel… she just loves me the way I am: flawed, incoherent, complicated… And with her I feel I don't have to keep up a façade, you know? Because she sees me as I am and she understands me… we even have similar backgrounds…", you trail away, never looking into her eyes…
"I understand if you can't accept all I'm telling you. It took me quite a long time to accept it, myself… But I don't want to pretend anymore…", you shrug.
And for a while, none of you speaks.
"You underestimate me, Abby. You always did…", she declares.
You look at her, surprised.
"But it's understandable…". She stops for a moment and then continues.
"You're telling me you're very happy. What kind of person would I be if I wasn't happy to hear that from my own daughter? I won't say I'm not surprised but… as long as you are happy… if she loves you and treats you right, respects you… You went through a lot that you shouldn't have to… you deserve that happiness. I'd love to be a grandmother but as long as you're happy, I think I can live with that…", she smiles.
God, you feel so… relieved and at peace with yourself. You're overwhelmed…
"Huh… well, I think I have good news for you, then… Susan's pregnant… we're having a baby", you chuckle between tears.
She smiles at you so sincerely. You see her eyes watering. She opens hers arms and envelopes you in a silent hug.
And right there, all the confrontation and the tension that kept pushing you away for decades, disappear. Right now you're the little girl who used to fall asleep nested in your mum's arms, before the disease, before everything went wrong...
You finally make peace with your past.
"You're going to be an incredible mother, Abby", she whispers softly into your ear.
---
When you open the door you feel so happy to be here, at home. Susan's sat on the couch, greets you "Hey!".
You drop the bag and go sit next to her. You embrace her so tightly, she chuckles "I missed you, too…".
"How's your brother?", she says, realigning your collar.
You tell her how out of it he was, how much he begged you not to commit him… You tell her that you mum's staying with him and is going to take him home with her.
And then you just look at her, smiling.
"Why are you so giddy?", she cocks a brow.
You chuckle "I told my mother about us, about the baby!". She looks at you shocked, but positively shocked…
You nod "You heard it, I told her everything! And it was so… liberating! I felt so good, afterwards! And can you believe she was incredibly supportive?! I mean, I don't even remember a time when I felt more connected to her! It was just…", you shake your head, failing to find the right words.
Susan just flashes that smile that melts you… "I'm soo happy for you!".
She just looks so radiant. Has a special spark in her eyes… She takes something from a small envelope on the coffee table and hands it to you.
You smile when you realize it's a photo from the ultrasound. You feel all kind of emotions creeping up inside you when you notice the little point… your baby's heart…
But wait…
You look at Susan incredulously…
She just nods, smiling with tears in her eyes "We're having twins, Abby…".