36

Kate Doesn't Live Here Anymore

It was a nightmare.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. One minute she was standing in the room with Ashley and the next Ashley was lying on the floor. She didn't even know how she had ended up there. One minute she was somewhere else and the next she was standing in a bedroom with Ashley's horrified face looking back at her.

Something inside of her had snapped, and she hadn't been able to control it. Part of her screamed to control it, but something had taken over and that something had a mind of its own.

Blood.

There was so much blood. Willow stared down at her hands as the blood dripped onto the carpet. When was she going to wake up? Now Xander was shaking her by the shoulders, yelling words that she couldn't comprehend. She was in a fog. When was she going to wake up?

Ashley. Ashley was dead. And she had killed her.

And now there were more people. Faith was shot and there was even more blood. Willow watched in horror as Faith began to turn white, her lips looking blue and swollen. This wasn't real. It wasn't happening.

Brooke was hovering over Ashley and there was light. It was too bright. More yelling. More people. More blood. At least they weren't yelling at her anymore. Faith was dying, that much she understood amongst the yelling. It was too late for Ashley they kept urging Brooke, who clung to her friend like a life preserver.

Brooke broke away from Ashley with a sob and turned to Faith. And there was light again. Faith was slipping. That's what Brooke was saying over and over again. It was too late.

She covered her ears with her hands. The sounds of death were pulling her further and further into the fog. She was a killer…again. She had killed Ashley. She looked into Ashley's lifeless eyes….so frightened, so accusing.

It was all over.

" Ashes to ashes," began the solemn tone of the minister.

Buffy began to pull apart the tissue she held between her hands. Not knowing what to do, but knowing that she had to do something. There were sounds of people crying all around her and she felt bad that she couldn't join them. Even though she knew that crying would be some kind of release, she just felt too empty. Too removed.

Xander stood by her side, his head bowed so low that his chin rested against his chest. Buffy looked over from at him and saw a tear slide down his cheek and felt her heart expand in her chest. The misery was choking her and yet there was no release.

She transferred the torn tissue into her right hand and with the left she reached out and took Xander's hand in hers. He smiled as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and squeezed her hand gently in silent thanks.

The sun chose to shine on this solemn occasion as if the world hadn't caught up with the events of New Year's. It refused to be as miserable as the townspeople—instead it shone bright and warm creating a glistening effect on the freshly fallen snow.

Buffy looked around at the people standing around the coffin. Black against the white of the snow was such a startling contrast, that if felt almost symbolic. Would there have been a funeral if they hadn't come? No, of course not, because they brought it with them. She wouldn't have died if they had just stayed away.

As the coffin began its descent into the ground, the mourners moved away slowly. Xander turned to Buffy and without a word between them; they turned and headed away from the site towards the car.

"How is Willow?" Buffy asked after several minutes of silence. She felt bad that she hadn't really been around Willow in the past couple of days. It was too painful.

Xander opened his mouth to answer, thought better of it and remained quiet. It took him several more minutes before he could think of an answer fitting enough for such big a question. " She's devastated," he finally answered. Even to him that sounded so simple, but how else could he describe it?

"Miss Patty was at the house the other day I noticed," Buffy said.

Xander nodded. " Giles sent for her. She gave something to Willow. A kind of …sedative." He paused again, reaching for his car keys. Suddenly he banged his fists against the roof of his car, swearing under his breath. Buffy jumped at the sudden burst of violence. "I can't believe I am even talking like this," he whispered. " A sedative? I mean this is Willow. She's made mistakes before, but this is too much, Buffy. It's like she's not even Willow anymore! She's practically catatonic and I don't even know…I don't even know who she is anymore. She made a mistake, she was under a spell…it's not fair."

His voice trailed off as the grief threatened to make him break down. Buffy reached out and rested her hand on his shoulder. "I know she did Xander. We all did with that spell."

"Not like her," Xander answered, shaking his head. " Not like that."

Buffy didn't know how to answer that. No matter what had happened none of them had gone as far as Willow. Willow had warned them that she felt the darkness again, trying to get her. They had all told her that she was perfectly fine and it was all behind her. Buffy was starting to think they had been trying to convince themselves of that instead of her. All of them had thought about this day. Worried that the darkness might find her again.

"We can help her Xander," Buffy insisted.

Xander shook his head. He turned then and wrapped his arms around Buffy, hugging her tightly. Resting his head against hers, he closed his eyes and whispered. " I used to think so too."

Willow pulled the blankets tighter around her body as she felt the last shivers of the cold leave her body. The bluish concoction that Miss Patty had made her drink sat on her bedside table. She had been sipping it slowly as directed, but the chemical taste had left her with a headache and a metallic taste in her mouth. It was one of the only things she could actually have a physical reaction to—the only thing she felt or tasted.

There was a knock on the door that brought her out of her thoughts and made her tense all at the same time. She had asked to be left alone, not wanting to see the looks of worry or pity in everyone's eyes. And she didn't think she was paranoid in thinking that she saw traces of fear there too, but could she blame them?

There was a second knock.

Willow knew she should say something, but couldn't bring herself to say the words. She didn't even want to hear the sound of her own words. There was a third knock before the door opened without the invitation.

Willow's eyes widened as her heart began to race in her chest. She shook her head back and forth, slowly at first and then quicker and quicker as she squeezed her eyes shut as though trying to erase them image.

She opened her eyes, her heart in her throat. " B…But you're dead."

Dawn rolled over and pulled her blankets up to her chin. The curtains were still open and now the sunlight was streaming into her room waking her out of her peaceful sleep. She had spent a lot of time in her room since New Years, either awake or going crazy with thought or asleep.

Jess still hadn't called her since then and part of her was happy for it. How was she ever supposed to explain her behavior? Sure he had acted just as crazy, but because she knew about magic and everything she somehow felt guilty, as though he had an excuse to act the way he did. Even thinking about what had happened made her want to lock the door and throw away the key spending the rest of her life locked away from the public.

The worse part knew that she was moments away from sleeping with him. It wasn't a horrible thought, and it wasn't like she hadn't thought of it countless times before. But sleeping with someone for the first time was not something you wanted to do while under a spell—though it would have helped with the nerves.

The worst part was the look on Jess' face when the spell had ended and she had pushed him away from her. He had looked rejected and hurt and she had felt so guilty. She knew she shouldn't, but after everything she just figured he would think her a tease. A little teasing was fine, but she knew lots of guys who just got fed up and walked away. And Jess had walked away. He had left her sitting there in that living room all by herself and it had been days now of no communication.

And to add to her guilt, she knew that she should be thinking about other things too. She should be thinking about Willow. Or Faith. Or Ashley. Instead her mind refused to let go of Jess. Dawn couldn't help but check her cell phone for the millionth time that morning. The only text messages she had received were from Jenn.

That was another person she had to apologize too. But Jenn was another person she couldn't bring herself to talk to. Jenn had performed magic right in front of Dawn, and Dawn knew that if they spoke then she would have to ask Jenn about it. And even though she hadn't hurt Dawn, she couldn't help but wonder what side of the team she was playing for. And if she were evil, Dawn could wait to know that. For now she wanted to be in blissful ignorance, because that was the place where Jenn was still her friend and she couldn't afford to lose the one friend she had.

The house was quiet still. Buffy and Xander had gone to the funeral this morning, another even Dawn felt she should have attended. She should have been there but she couldn't face all those people, not after what she had done.

Willow shook her head to clear her vision. On top of everything she was seeing things now.

She opened her eyes and found that she wasn't seeing things. She was standing right there.

Ashley.

"Hey, I'm not looking my best, true. But I am very much alive."

"I'm so sorry I killed you," Willow said, before bursting into sobs. Ashley walked over to Willow and sat down on the edge of the bed, holding Willow's hands in her own.

"Willow you aren't imagining this," Ashley said softly. " I'm ok."

Willow looked back up at her, wiping her face with the back of her hand. " But I remember everything. I hit you and you were lying there on the floor. A…And you were dead. We…we checked. Xander carried you out."

"Brooke and I are healers," Ashley explained. " Brooke came as soon as she felt me slipping away. It was blocked for a minute with the spell, but the moment the spell was lifted she found me. It was close, but she saved me. Besides, it takes more than a head wound to kill me."

Willow sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm down. " I am so sorry. I…I "

"It was the spell Willow," Ashley said. " The longer the spell went on the more everyone started to lose their souls. The demon controlled them to stop anyone from lifting the spell. You were being controlled, that's all."

"What about Lorelai?" Willow asked.

"She's fine," Ashley reassured her. " She has a little bit of a lump on her head but I modified her memory enough that she doesn't know that you did it. She just thinks that she fell. As for everything else, people seem to remember everything they did and we can't modify everyone's memory."

Willow nodded slowly, staring hard at Ashley as if expecting her to disappear between blinks. "I can't just blame it on the spell," Willow said softly. " Because I have felt for a long time that there was darkness inside me still. I saw it in the mirror that day and I felt it inside me during the spell."

Ashley put her arms around Willow and hugged her tightly. "Willow please don't do this to yourself." She held Willow at arm's length and looked her straight in the eye. "We all have darkness inside of us, you just happen to worry more because you're a witch. And because you are, you can also do so much good in this world. Yes, once you tried to end it, but you always saved it countless times. You also became a goddess. But you aren't acting like a goddess because you are afraid to give in. And until you give into that with your whole heart that you will never be able to reach that place where the fear doesn't eat at you. You have to understand that Willow. I have seen it, you just need to let yourself see it too."

Willow sat in silence. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and still her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Ashley got up from the bed and turned from the door.

"W…Where are you going?!" Willow called out, breaking the silence.

Ashley turned, her smile fading. " I don't think my being here is helping you right now. Something about me brings up things that you aren't ready to face, and you should be concentrating on yourself right now Willow. There is a big fight coming up and we all need you with us. I have things to do and I have to go."

"Where? When will you be back?" Willow asked. Her mind raced, trying to think of something to say to make Ashley stay.

"There's just some things I need to do," Ashley repeated. " Brooke will stay here to help. I love you Willow."

"You're coming back right?" Willow asked, feeling her heart break all over again.

Ashley felt tears form in her own eyes at the sad look on Willow's face as the tears streamed down her face. "I….I don't know Willow." Ashley answered. " Please be strong for me. Forgive yourself. Accept who you really are."

Buffy tossed the keys on the table as she slipped out of her coat. Xander closed the door behind them. Buffy looked around the empty living room. " For a house full of people it's so eerie how silent it is, isn't it?"

Xander looked up the stairs in the direction of Willow's room. " It's a lot to recover from. I don't think there are going to be happy scoobies around here for awhile."

"Speak for yourself Harris." Faith walked towards them balancing a pint of ice cream and a spoon dangling out of her mouth. Faith sucked the ice cream off the spoon and scooped another spoonful as she leant against the doorframe. " How was the funeral?"

"What a bizarre question." Buffy muttered.

"It was sad," Xander answered not knowing what else to say. " A lot of her students showed up. Another victim of too much fun. Heart attack related, not mystical, but we figured we should show up. Show some support."

"Well that's nice," Faith said, distractedly as she rooted back into the ice cream.

Buffy sighed loudly. " We don't eat out of bowls anymore?"

Faith shrugged. " I'll get you more. You'd think you'd take it easy on me B. Gunshot wound and all. Lots of ice cream is the solution."

"That's for tonsils," Xander pointed out.

"So I would assume a gun shot wound would deserve the entire carton," Faith pointed out as she carried her ice cream into the living room.

Buffy rolled her eyes. " I'm going to check on Willow." She turned and headed upstairs.

Xander headed into the living room and took a seat on the couch across from Faith. " So how are you feeling?"

"Great," Faith said. " That ex of yours sure is good with the healing voo doo. Though I think she has something against me cause she left a scar and everything." To prove this she arched her back and lifted her shirt up revealing a pinkish scar.

Xander's eyes widened at the sudden reveal of flesh and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He couldn't help but let his eyes rest on her skin, knowing that he should look away. Any moment now he would look away. Any moment now…

A throat being cleared brought him back to attention as he whipped his head around and found Dawn looking between the two of them.

"Hey Dawnie," Xander said, his voice going a pitch or two higher than normal. " What's up?"

Dawn frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. " Nothing. I am going out for awhile."

"Where?" Xander asked.

"For a walk," Dawn improvised.

"Ok," Xander answered, even though she didn't exactly need his permission to go anywhere. " Just don't stay out too long, Giles wants to have a meeting."

Dawn rolled her eyes. " Great, so we can all sit around and reminisce how completely stupid we all were."

"Something to that effect." Xander smiled.

Dawn didn't return the smile but she threw on her coat and marched into the kitchen

Faith shook her head. " Well she'd definitely got the broody thing down pat."

Xander was still staring at the spot where Dawn had been standing. " I think we all have a touch of that considering everything."

"At least she didn't get shot," Faith said.

"Why did you get shot anyway?" Xander asked, turning his full attention back to Faith.

"Your mother never explained to you how guns work?" Faith teased.

" The gun was pointing at me Faith," Xander said, refusing to be thrown off tracks.

"So? You got lucky," Faith said. " What's the big deal?"

"You jumped in front of me. You saved my life."

"Well you're welcome."

"Why?"

"Oh come on Harris. I saved your life. I didn't hit on you. Calm down."

Xander opened his mouth to say something but by then the rest of the scoobies were beginning to join them.

Needless to say, when everyone showed up in the living room for the meeting, tensions were high. Everyone looked around at everyone else as they silently wondered what each other had been up to that night.

Although a big block of time was missing from Willow's night, she refused to comment or join the meeting. Ashley and Brooke sat together on the loveseat keeping to themselves.

Ashley had been very quiet since this morning. Her whole body felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to her limbs and the slightest movement would send spasms of pain throughout her body. She had dark circles around her eyes and her skin was still slightly blue—she felt like the walking dead. Only, she wasn't dead and for that she knew that she should be grateful. And she would be once the pain subsided.

She had just come from Willow's room after trying to convince her that everything was OK, when in reality it was far from. The image of Willow coming at her would forever be emblazoned on her mind. The look of fury and rage in Willow's eyes was permanently imprinted on the insides of her eyelids whenever she closed them. Ashley had on felt a quick stab of pain before everything had gone black.

Spell or not the end result had been the same Willow had killed her. Considering she was powerful Guardian, Willow would have had to take a pretty serious dose of magic to kill her.

Perhaps the biggest concern was how Willow had killed her. A powerful dose of black magic would have killed Ashley—dead as in the kind that doesn't come back. Willow had tapped into her goddess power. On one hand the fact that she didn't tap into dark magic was good, on the other the fact that she'd used good magic was scary as hell.

Brooke wasn't up to par either. After bringing two people back from the dead she was ready for a long vacation. Or anyplace that wasn't currently, here. These people were too busy with their indiscretions, love lives or spells to focus on the bigger picture. Soon there would be a battle and she felt like she was watching chickens run around without their heads.

Xander and Dawn had been the only things that kept her to this place. Xander no longer looked at her, let along spoke to her. And Dawn was still in the dark about the fact she had a mother who was very much alive.

Giles entered the living room with Dawn right behind him carrying a tray full of drinks and snacks.

"Ok, we're going to keep this short," Giles began. At the word 'short' there was a collective sigh of relief. " Everyone is tired, I know. As we all know and have realized is that we all seem to—unfortunately—remember the past 24 hours as does the town. We are going to let sleeping dogs lie and just try to continue as we were. I don't think this latest demon is a big player, but merely a distraction."

"Well that's all peachy keen Giles, but I got shot and almost died," Faith said. " And I hate to interrupt this bygones be bygones speech but it's sorta an issue with me. Getting all dead and everything."

Buffy rolled her eyes. " Like we haven't all been there and done that by now. You died. Big deal. You're not dead now."

Giles slipped his glasses off his nose and continued to clean them. " And you were healed completely Faith."

Faith pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. " Still—not cool."

"Hey, not to change the subject here but where's Kate? Shouldn't she be here," Xander asked.

"Yeah, considering this is supposed to be a meeting," Dawn said. " And Willow, Kate and Spike aren't even here!"

At the mention of Spike and Willow, both Buffy and Ashley physically winced, shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Dawn understood Ashley's actions but watched Buffy with interest. What had happened between them?

Buffy caught here sister's eye and smiled uneasily. Dawn had been watching her too closely lately and it was very unsettling.

Giles sighed, replacing his glasses. "Maybe we should go find Kate, see if she's ok?" Buffy asked.

"I don't think she's in any trouble," Giles began.

"In this town?" Buffy asked. " Yeah right. It doesn't hurt to check." That and she wanted to be as far away from the watchful eye of her sister and friends.

"Well if Buffy's leaving, I'm going too," Dawn said, as she got to her feet.

"Fine, fine—pay no attention," Giles said absently. " It's not like I'm trying to talk about important issues here."

"Well, good then." Buffy said cheerfully. She slipped on her coat as Giles went on about attention span of children under his breath. Dawn had already dressed and was out the door with Buffy having to run to catch up with her.

Lorelai pushed her fries around her plate, her thoughts running a mile a minute.

"You ok?"

Lorelai looked up and smiled at Luke as she shrugged her shoulders in response. "Fine."

"You sure?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I brought you out that plate of fries about five minutes ago and you haven't hoover-ed them back yet," Luke answered.

Lorelai frowned. " I don't hoover. I savoir."

"You do know the definition of savoir, right?" Luke asked.

"What is this—Webster's dictionary with every potato delivery of something?" Lorelai snapped, regretting it the moment it came out of her mouth.

Luke's smile faltered. "Is there something in the water to cause women to go bizarre-o?"

"Oh my god," Lorelai said dramatically as her jaw dropped open. " Did you just use a pop culture reference?"

Luke shrugged. " It's superman or something." He muttered it under his breath as though he had just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Lorelai smiled. " I always pegged you for the kinda guy who likes his superheroes in tights."

"It's aerodynamic," Luke responded with a cocky half smile as he continued wiping down the counter.

"You aren't like other men my friend," Lorelai smiled.

"So I've heard. Now stop changing the subject. What's wrong with you?"

"According to the mother of the mass population?" Lorelai asked.

"According to you."

"Ah, well that's a sore subject," Lorelai answered as the cause for her upset chose that moment to walk through the door. Lorelai stopped talking and turned her back towards them, hoping that somehow she had blended well enough they wouldn't see her. Considering she chose today of all days to wear her bright lime jacket—she didn't see that happening.

"Hey Luke!" Dawn said, walking quickly to the counter. " Where's Jess?"

"He's upstairs. Supposedly studying, but you can go up if you want." Luke answered.

Dawn smiled. " Thanks."

Dawn didn't bother to question Buffy and Lorelai on the reason they were so obviously ignoring each other. Dawn began up the stairs, a smile already forming as she thought of seeing Jess. And then the nerves kicked in. Last time they had been together they had been very close to sliding into home plate. He had walked away looking rejected and they hadn't spoken since. The butterflies began to do their crazy dance in the pit of her stomach.

Just then there was a loud crash from the upstairs apartment. Dawn paused mid slap and then began to run quickly, bursting through the door with her heart lodged in her throat.

What she found made her wish she were till at home listening to Giles going on about beasties and game plans. Jess was sprawled out on the floor with his shirt thrown open. That wasn't the surprise. The surprise was the women straddling his waist.

The women turned her head towards Dawn. Dawn didn't think the shock could be any bigger until the women smiled at her and she found herself staring at a familiar face. Kate's face.

The blood rushing in Dawn's ears made it very hard to hear everything that was going on, but she faintly heard the sound of footsteps racing up the stairs to inspect the cause of the noise. She heard Luke swear and felt Buffy put her arm around Dawn's shoulders as if to comfort her.

Dawn shrugged her off and turned and ran down the stairs so fast she was amazed she didn't fall. Her chest was aching so bad she felt like it might explode and she didn't want anyone to watch her break down.

Heads turned as Dawn ran past them and out to the road. She ran across the street and into the privacy of the gazebo, making it there before the ache in her chest caused her to start sobbing. She sank down onto the ground pulling her knees up to her chest and buried her head in her hands.

All she could think was "why?" Why was love so hard, so unbearable, and so hurtful? Love was supposed to be this amazing thing and it was few and far between the painful times. Her sobs began to calm themselves as she fought for control. She didn't want to be this girl. The girl's whose life came crashing down by a guy. But if felt like she was falling and the pain was pulling her in.

The sound of footsteps made her head snap up in response. Jess.

"Dawn," Jess said, so quietly it sounded like a breath. " It isn't what you think."

Dawn choked on a bitter laugh. " After everything and you use that clichéd movie ling. I don't even think it dignifies an answer. Give me credit, I'm not an idiot."

Slowly she got to her feet, as if by standing she wouldn't fell so small.

"I don't even know how to explain," Jess began. " I don't even know what happen—"

"Well that works out well," Dawn said. " Because I don't want to hear it. "

Dawn stepped out of the shadows willing herself to look him in the eye, so that he understood. Her heart felt like it was going to burst through her chest and she fought to take even breaths so that she didn't sob again.

"I know what I saw," Dawn said. " More importantly, I know what I felt. Did you know that I was coming to see if you were ok? After the other night I actually thought you might be mad at me and I was so scared that I had ruined everything. Ruined everything by not being ready to go to that place with you—how stupid does that sound? "

Her voice broke then and she swallowed the large lump in her throat as she fought for composure.

"Please don't cry Dawn," Jess said, as he made a move to reach for her.

Dawn stepped back, feeling the hot rush of tears cascade down her cheek. Even now she wanted him to hold her and tell her everything would be ok. It was then she realized what was happening. The one person in the world that could comfort her right now was the person who just broke her heart.

"I can't help it," she whispered. " It's what happens when you realize that the person you love—w..When the person you love more than anything doesn't love you back. And worst of all, when the person you love finds you—replaceable. I couldn't give you what you wanted and instead of loving me enough to wait you went for your uncle's girlfriend."

Saying the words out loud brought a new batch of tears. She fought to get the words out, but it hurt too much. " I love you Jess, but I don't trust you. I'm done."

"Dawn wait, please!" Jess said, grabbing onto the sleeve of her jacket. " You can't do this."

"I didn't," Dawn said, choking on the sobs that she couldn't repress any longer. " You did."

With that she turned and ran towards the park or anywhere she could be alone. It was weird, she remembered thinking, and how you could actually feel a heart breaking.

Teenage girl found dead from massive head explosion. News at 11.

That's what the papers would read when they found her body the next day. Rory moaned as she held her head in her hands. One too many knocks to the head and she was sure this would go in the medical dictionaries for sure. Any minute now there would be brain matter spread all over her Harvard posters and precious leather bound books.

Rory popped a couple more pills and swallowed half a bottle of water before she felt well enough to attempt a shower. She had been awake for a couple of hours now, and from the sight outside it was well into the afternoon. Though being unconscious didn't count much for rest in her opinion. She though that being a slayer would somehow give her magic healing powers or something. And maybe it did. Maybe without them, she'd be dead. Ah dead, that dirt nap actually sounded pretty good right now.

Light eyes. Dark hair. Chiseled face. There it was again. Larger than life every time she closed her eyes. The beautiful man who had added to her concussion. What a story she would have to tell her grandchildren.

Rory shuffled for the shower. She couldn't deny that even after a painful knock to the head courtesy or her "savior" she had every intention to find him. Once she'd showered of course.

Just being back in this park made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. The fact that it was still daylight didn't make her feel any better—oddly. She carried a stake in her back pocket just in case. Once you'd almost died you tend to not worry about how silly you might look.

Admittedly she just wanted to see him again. To make sure he wasn't a dream. If he was it was the most vivid dream by far. As she neared a clump of trees she shivered as she stepped into the shade to the other side. The park was pretty empty today, and she had to admit that it looked beautiful with all the snow untouched on the ground.

She stepped around a deep pit as she worked her way across the clearing. Just then she heard a yell behind her as a figure burst from the trees in her direction. She turned quickly.

"Son of a—"

She felt the impact against the side of her body as her body went airborne. She felt herself falling and waited for the impact.

The impact came fast and she crashed in a bone-jarring heap at the bottom. "Bitch," she moaned, before everything went black.

Buffy rounded the corner just in time to see Rory go flying through the air. She came to a sudden stop, skidding slightly on the snow covered ground. " What the hell did you do?"

The hooded figure lifted its head and smiled maliciously. Buffy's jaw dropped in surprise. " Kate?"

Kate turned and disappeared in a flash of green light. Buffy stood, rooted to the spot in shock before she remembered Rory. She found Rory lying at the bottom of the pit unconscious. Reaching into her cell phone she dialed.

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Make room, girl with a head injury coming through."

Buffy re-arranged the pillows on the couch so that Xander could lay Rory down. Buffy moved out of the way as Brooke came to the aid. Buffy stood back with her hands on her hips. "Lorelai is going to be pi—ssed." Buffy said under her breath, exaggerating her words in a low whistle.

"I don't think Rory's going to be so happy about it either," Brooke muttered. " She's already got some lumps back here. Looks like she's been in a fight recently."

"Those new slayers these days," Xander said. " Always in a hurry to beat the mamma slayer."

"You did not just refer to me as a mom," Buffy said, touching her hair with the tips of her fingers. " It's the hair isn't it? You guys don't be careful and I'm going to be developing a complex."

Within moments, Rory was sitting up and drinking a mug of coffee feeling better than she had in days.

Spike entered the room then. " What's with Lil' bit?"

"She got attacked," Buffy, answered, unable to actually turn and meet his eyes. The memory of what could have been still lingered. At least she remembered that—though she wished she didn't.

"By what?" Spike asked.

Buffy sighed. This was the part that was going to suck. " Well, I just caught the tail end of it. But it was Kate."

Spike's eyes widened with surprise. " Kate? It couldn't be. She wouldn't go around attacking teenagers."

"Those pregnancy hormones can be a bitch," Buffy said, trying to keep it light.

"She almost killed you blondie," Faith said, as she leaned against the door jam.

"What?" Buffy asked. In the surprise she had turned and was now looking him right in the eye.

Spike rolled his eyes. " She almost stabbed me last night," Spike said, as though it was a daily occurrence. " She looked pretty freaked out about it, but she stopped herself and then jumped out the window."

"The affect you have on women is inspiring," Xander said.

"At least I have women," Spike shot back.

Xander's eyes fell over Brooke at the opportune moment before looking at the floor.

"I have to go after her." Buffy said.

She had already grabbed her bag when Spike reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. Instead it bought them in close contact and Buffy found her face growing hot as he stared at her intensely. "To talk to her right?" Spike asked. However the way he phrased the question came across more as a demand than a question.

"Yes, let's talk to the girl whose trying to kill people," Buffy added sarcastically.

"I now understand how I ended up in a coma," Faith said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked as she pulled her arm out of Spike's vice like grip.

"I'm just saying B, that she had a chance to kill blondie here and didn't. And she didn't kill Rory, she pushed her. Like you would in second grade. You don't kill someone for rough housing."

"Rough housing?" Buffy asked. What was going on here?

"Well, you get my drift. At least talk to her." Faith said.

"Before you start ganging up," Buffy said. " I wasn't going to kill her. I was just going to try to get her back here."

"I'll go," Spike said. " She knows me better than you and if she has gone off the handle then I can deal with it."

Buffy's jaw was set in defiance, but she nodded her head. " Fine. Call us if you need anything."

"Should we be telling Giles?" Xander asked.

"Leave the old and feeble out of it," Spike said. " I'll go see what's going on and we can fill in the English biscuit later."

Spike grabbed his leather coat and slipped it on. " Alright? Good. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Ah Spike?" Xander said.

"What is it now vision impaired?" Spike asked headedly. " You offering to go?"

Xander was going to enjoy this now. " No of course not. By all means, walk out into all that sunlight."

Spike paused. He hung his head. Then he turned to face them, puffing out his chest in a sign of being undefeated. " I'll go later. She'll still be questionably evil by then."

Once the sun went down, Spike left the house walking quickly in the direction of Kate's loft. He took a couple of steps before coming to a halt. He hung his head for the second time that night. " I'm really not in the mood for games, so why don't you just come out now before I have to come looking for you."

"I wasn't hiding."

Spike turned and watched as a blonde stepped from behind the large Elm tree. " Hi," she said.

"What do you want Ashley?"

"I'm leaving for awhile, maybe longer."

"You want to hug it out?" Spike asked sarcastically.

"Ah, I'll miss this," Ashley replied—equally as sarcastic. " Listen, I've done some things I'm proud of and some things I'm not. But I've done all these things for the greater good. The things that had to be done. But I've also been unattached from his world. Living in it, even for a short time, I realize there's a whole gray area that tugs at the consciousness."

"This is all very poetic, which on any other day I tend to appreciate. But I have a job to do, yeah? So could you get to your point, luv?"

"My point is. I don't agree with something I did. I removed some memories of yours because I thought it would give you focus—cause I was told to. But temptation and indecision are there for a reason."

Ashley took a step closer to Spike. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Spike asked in surprise. " Look luv, it's fine. I get it. I don't know why I'm back. I don't understand a lot of things. But I have more important things to worry about. Was that it?"

"No." Ashley shook her head. " I need to right a few things. "

"Like what?"

Ashley reached into her pocket and pulled out a small vial with bluish liquid. She took his hand, turned it palm up, and placed it delicately there before folding his fingers over it. She smiled up at him. "Make Buffy drink this," she caught the look on his face, and frowned. "She didn't get it reversed. She doesn't know you at all. She made me promise not to tell, but it's not right. I need to fix this. "

"That helps explain some things," Spike muttered. " Alright I will once I get back."

"One more thing."

"Like what?"

"Like," Ashley said, stepping closer. " I'm going to give you your memory back."

Spike saw a bright flash and then she was gone. Spike fell to the ground, his head spinning as though a hole had been opened and someone was pouring memory after memory into his head.

"Buffy," he gasped and then everything went black.

When Spike came too, his mind was still reeling. He began to walk without thinking. He knew he couldn't go back into that house and yet he felt like he needed to see Buffy. To see if all the things he was feeling were real. And then there was Kate. Kate. He needed to get to Kate.

He began to run. His feet pounded on the pavement as he ran towards the apartment. If he could breathe, he would be gasping for breathe around now as he charged up to the apartment. He didn't bother to knock as he crashed through the door, splintering it down the middle.

Kate turned from her vanity, looking more amused than surprised. She was sitting, wearing a long white dressing gown as she brushed out her hair. She looked right out of the past. If she had been on a killing spree she certainly looked calm about it.

"Hello Spike," she said, as she rose from her seat.

"Just taking a little inventory, you aren't by any chance killing or hoping to kill anyone are you?" Spike asked as he leaned against the doorway.

Kate smiled. " You aren't going to kiss the mother of your unborn child hello?"

"Not when that mother recently tried to scratch my back through the front with a pointy knife last night…no."

"Fine then." Kate said. " What was your question?"

"What's happened to you luv?" Spike asked, as he walked closer to her. He looked over her carefully as though there would be physical evidence of change on her.

"I had an epiphany," she said airily. She walked over to him placing a hand on the side of his face, stoking gently with the tips of her fingers. " Seems like you got something too. There was a black hole there before, that isn't there now."

"Have you been talking to Dru? Cause you're starting to talk a lot like her."

Kate removed her hand and took a step back. " You got your memory back. Congrats."

"What about this epiphany?"

"Everyone kept telling me that this baby was special and everyone was eager to protect it. Hell, even people were chosen to protect this unborn child. Then I decided that the best person to protect an unborn child was the mother. So I am. Protecting it."

"Where did you get the power?" Spike asked.

"I always believed in the kindness of strangers," Kate said with a laugh. " Although she wasn't a stranger, but it has a better ring."

Spike grabbed her roughly by the upper arms, shaking her. " You took dark magic?"

Kate's eyes went black and Spike felt himself thrown across the room. " I don't need any of you!" Kate shouted. " I don't need anyone. And I swear I will kill anything that comes near me. "

Spike stumbled to his feet. Grabbing a piece of broken wood from the door. Kate smiled, tilting her head to the side as she looked at his weapon of choice. " I believe that's your poison," Kate laughed.

"Still not gonna tickle," Spike said under his breath.

"So now you're going to kill me?" Kate asked. " But what about the prophecy of the baby being the savoir of this world." She laughed sarcastically.

"Better than being evil," Spike muttered, as his eye flitted unwillingly to the small lump that was his child.

Kate shrugged. " Well so much for trying to bring me around. I guess we go right for the fighting."

Spike charged at her, but Kate brought up her arm and knocked him into the opposite wall, cracking the foundation under his weight. Spike rolled up and got to his feet, wiping the blood from his face with the back of his hand.

Kate raised her hand again. This time Spike ducked and brought the piece of wood up and flung it as hard as he could. Kate cried out in pain as the wood lodged deep in her hand. Kate winced as she pulled it out, dropping it to the floor. She cradled her injured hand against her chest as the blood seeped through her white gown.

"We can help you Kate," Spike said. " Just come back with me. Please."

Kate's eyes went black as she walked towards him. " Don't you understand!?" She advanced on him quickly.

She threw a punch to his head and knocked him to the floor. Spike kicked out his leg and knocked her legs out from under her. She fell to the floor with a cry of surprise. Spike quickly rolled over her, pinning her down to the ground. He pulled a knife out of the band on his leg, holding it in front of her face. It was the same knife she'd nearly killed him with last night. " I believe this is your poison."

Buffy glanced at the clock for the millionth time that night, as her foot tapped impatiently on the floor.

"No more coffee for the Buffster," Xander said as he reached over and carefully took her coffee mug away from her.

"He should be back now," Buffy muttered. Xander gave her a questioning look. " Where's Dawn?"

"She's upstairs Buffy," Xander replied. " Stop worrying. Spike can take care of himself."

"Right, sure." Buffy said.

"Are you ok?" Xander asked.

"No Xander. Kate is out there either killing people or not killing people. And if it's the first than we're all in big trouble. They should be back by now."

"Maybe they're talking," Faith said. Xander and Buffy shot her a look. Faith smiled shrugging her shoulders. " Yeah, it felt weird even as I was saying it."

Buffy jumped to her feet. " Oh my god, Dawn! Where is she?"

Faith and Xander looked at each other and then looked back at Buffy. " She's upstairs B, Xander just told you that." Faith said.

"Right. Sorry. I'm just a little out of it," Buffy said, running her fingers through her hair as she started pacing. She looked between the two of them. " Would you stop looking at me like I'm insane!"

"Buffy, just sit down and try and relax," Xander said.

"I can't relax!!" Buffy shouted. " I'm going after them."

Before they could say anything, Buffy was gone.

He brought the knife down, the point over her heart. He applied a little pressure and the delicious smell of blood filled the air as a trickle ran down her chest. Kate gave a quick intake of breath as he eyes flew open. "William," she whispered, her eyes locking on his. Spike paused as a shock ran through him. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears as she looked at him holding his gaze before closing her eyes.

Spike raised the knife and lifted off her. " Come with me Kate, it'll be ok."

Kate slowly got to her feet, wrapping her hand in a towel. " You don't understand," she said quietly.

"You keep saying that," Spike said. " We'll figure everything out."

"No," Kate said, raising her head. A wicked half smile spread across her face. " You fool!" She raised her uninjured hand and Spike went flying across the room once more. She stood over him as his head lulled to the side, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to clear his vision. Kate smiled maliciously back at him.

" Kate doesn't live here anymore!"

Buffy wrapped her coat around her as the cold began to seep into her bones. She felt the hot flush of tears rise in her eyes and she wasn't sure if the wind was to blame or all the thoughts going on in her head.

She was losing it. She was officially losing it.

She began to walk quicker. Her head felt like it was going to implode with all the pressure and she saw bright flashes in front of her eyes like someone was flashing a flashlight in front of her eyes. She stumbled on the ice and reached out for a bench to hold onto.

She was drowning. Everything was spinning around her and she stumbled again, falling to the wet ground on all fours. She felt like she was going to throw up, but her stomach twisted painfully and nothing was coming up.

"Buffy? Buffy!"

She heard noise coming from somewhere but she couldn't make it out from the blood rushing in her ears. And just as quickly as it hit her, she felt a calm rush over her and she could hear and see again.

What was happening?

"Buffy?" came the voice again.

Lorelai hurried over to Buffy who was sprawled on the ground. She took Buffy's elbow and helped her to her feet. " Are you alright?"

"I don't know," Buffy said.

"Your friend Xander called and said Rory was at your house," Lorelai said. " Is she alright?"

"Who?"

"Rory."

Buffy shook her head. It was starting to throb again. " I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."

Lorelai sighed. " Is Rory at your house?"

"I don't know," Buffy said. " Whose Rory? Do I know you?"

Lorelai frowned. " Ah, you don't remember me. Right. And you don't remember the other night. Convenient. Granted it was odd Buffy, but this is really immature. But fine, I'll play along if that's what you want. It didn't happen. You don't know me."

Buffy frowned. " I don't understand."

"Right," Lorelai said, rolling her eyes. " Gotcha. Bye."

Lorelai pushed past her and headed down the street. Buffy turned, leaning against the wall for support. Who was Xander? Who was Rory? Where the hell was she?

And more importantly, who was Buffy?

To be Continued…