DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NICKELODEON'S AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER OR ITS CHARACTERS. I just need calming tea.
Author's Notes: Thanks to bowow0708 and sunflower13 for their betareading and constant reassurance!
The waters south of Whale Tail Island were, as expected, blocked by Earth Kingdom vessels, and so Zuko's ship turned around to retrace its course, and headed for the inland stronghold of Pohuai, the gateway to the northern seas.
Lan had not gotten a chance to speak to Zuko since their unexpected kiss. He had been busy with the planning necessary to alter course – there were many decisions to be made – at which ports to stop and refuel, and the amount of food required for a journey almost doubled in length. He also had to decide at which port they should stop to send a message to Ba Daichi, Lan's fiancé, and to the Fire Nation capital, to inform them of the blockade, in case they were unaware, as well as a dozen other things.
That night, though, as the ship chugged northward towards the nearest friendly port on the mainland , Lan finally found Zuko standing alone at the railing on the lower deck.
She smiled as she came up to him, and, in the dark, she felt comfortable putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm always finding you here, it seems."
He turned his head slightly and looked at her. "Just keeping watch." He lifted his hand to grasp hers, and slid their clasped hands down between them as they stood together, staring out at the fathomless, black ocean. "Where's Uncle?"
"Having tea in his cabin. He was tired, so I made him a pot of his favorite nighttime blend."
"You mean the chamomile one that always puts him to sleep?"
"Yes."
"Well, at least we won't have to worry about him sneaking up on us."
"He seemed to have remarkable timing earlier."
"Just like when we were thirteen." He gave a nostalgic smile.
"Not quite. Back then –"
He interrupted her. "I had an entire face."
"Please don't say that." She chided him.
He shrugged. "I'm used to it, now."
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters."
"It doesn't. You're the same person."
He shook his head. "No, I'm not. Spirits, no! I'm not."
"Neither am I. But – what I – feel – that hasn't changed." That was the closest that she would come to telling him her true feelings.
The conversation lapsed, and they stood in silence for a long while, each wrestling with their own emotions. Lan's were in such turmoil that she wasn't really quite sure what she felt – she was so grateful that she had finally shown him how she felt, and glad that he had reciprocated, and that there was an ease between them again, but she was afraid – afraid of Iroh's reaction, and of the possibility of Ozai finding out, and afraid that she would never want to leave Zuko.
"I'm afraid, Zuko." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
He turned to her, although, in the dark, with just the slivered moon for light, she could see only shadowed features. "Why?"
She shook her head and stared out over the sea. "I – I don't know." She didn't want to talk about her future husband, or the fact that she would be leaving Zuko forever, or that the Fire Nation was probably going to lose the war.
She wished that she had never said anything.
She smiled at him. "Never mind. I'm just being – silly."
He drew in a deep breath, and, facing her, he gently pulled her braid over her shoulder and looked at it intently. "I've wanted to touch this for so long." He said musingly.
She gave a small laugh. "My braid?"
He nodded. "Your hair. It's the most magnificent color."
"Freakish red." She supplied helpfully.
"No. It's beautiful." He was quiet for a long moment, studying her. "You won't marry him."
She gave an unladylike snort. "How will we manage that?"
"We will."
"Ha!"
"We have another chance, Lan. Don't you want to take it?"
She looked up into his eyes, and knew that she would do anything for him; anything to be with him. "Yes." She nodded, but there were still too many obstacles. "So, will you tell your father or shall I?"
"He'll have to find out at some point. At least before his first grandchild arrives."
"Zuko! Don't be flippant! You know that your father will be livid!"
"Not if I find the Avatar..."
"I don't know if he would change his mind even if you found a dozen Avatars."
"He will." She snorted again, and he sighed. "Just – give me time." He said.
She started to shake her head, but he pressed on. "Look, give me until we arrive in Tao Xing to find a solution."
"But what –" She began.
"Will you give me until then?" He interrupted her.
She was silent.
"Do you trust me?" He asked her.
She nodded. "Yes. Of course."
"I'll find a way out of this, Lan. I will. I promise."
She frowned as sudden tears came to her eyes. "Oh, Zuko, don't make promises you can't keep."
He pulled her against him suddenly and enveloped her in his arms, her cheek against his chest so that she could hear the strong beating of his heart. She inhaled the scent of him, blissfully, and clasped her hands behind his back, drawing him closer.
She felt his lips against her hair. "I'll keep this promise, Lan. I swear."
She closed her eyes and nodded. She knew that he wouldn't, but, in his arms, she felt like the moment would never end.
Maybe, if she kept her eyes closed, it wouldn't.
He walked her back to her cabin, and after several long, yearning kisses, he reluctantly left her, and she was alone in her room.
She looked at herself in the small mirror, and, although she looked no different, she felt different. Loved. Worthy.
She wished she could smash the mirror, though. It was a lie. It was all a lie. A lie that she had told Zuko – that she continued to tell him. A lie from him, too – even though he did not realize it. A lie that they would be together. Zuko would not find the Avatar. She knew that. And, even, if by some miracle, he did, Ozai would still not allow them to be married. She knew that, too - deep within her, she knew that Ozai had meant what he had said, so many years ago, that he would rather see her dead than married to Zuko.
But she had a chance to build up memories with Zuko. Memories that would have to see her through the rest of her life. Because she knew that she would leave him when they docked in Tao Xing.
So, let him dream that he would find a solution.
But, for now, she had time with him. Time that was not to be wasted.
And that would sustain her.
It would have to.
She laid the mirror down and sat on her bed. The armoire loomed before her, dwarfing all else, and its hidden contents – the secrets that she would bargain for Zuko's life with, dwarfed everything, as well.
She thought about her plan to betray both her country and the people she loved, and considered, for just a moment, abandoning it, and allowing herself to be carried away on the wave of Zuko's enthusiasm.
After all, if she married Zuko – if he was actually allowed to marry her...
But he would not be. And he would not find the Avatar – that was an impossible task that his father had set him. Everyone knew it. Everyone but Zuko, it seemed.
And even if he did, what would it change, in the war? Ba Sing Se would most probably still enter into it, and the Fire Nation would still be defeated.
Zuko and Iroh would still be in danger – in very great danger, of being imprisoned or executed by the Earth Kingdom.
And so she wouldn't give up her plans. She couldn't.
That was non-negotiable.
"We shouldn't be doing this." Lan said in a whispered voice.
"It's just a kiss." So saying, he kissed her. Twice. "Or two."
"But Uncle might see." She tried to look over Zuko's shoulder.
They stood just inside the door of one of the interior corridors of the main tower, out of sight of the crew and Iroh, who, even now, was playing solitary tiles on deck.
He sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. "Fine."
She smiled at him. He was so like he had been, more than two years before. So much. "Shouldn't you be training?" She asked as he lowered his head to nuzzle at her neck. "So that you'll be ready to face the Avatar?"
He sighed again. "I suppose so. Yes." He nodded. "You're right. Will you train with me?"
She goggled at him. "Do you not remember what happened the last time we sparred?"
He blushed. "I won't do that again. I – was – trying – to – to prove myself to you."
"Hmm. And what exactly did you prove, Zuko?" She crossed her arms on her chest.
"That I'm an idiot. I won't do it again."
She considered his request. "I suppose that I can, then. But it would have to look spontaneous, you know, to fool Uncle."
"Why?"
"If he knows that I agreed to partner you, he'll get suspicious."
A small smile escaped him. "I think that I can arrange something. Go out and sit with the old reprobate."
She did as he said, and went out onto the deck.
"Hello, Uncle." She came up beside him and bent to kiss his cheek.
"Hello, Dear. Did you sleep well?"
"Remarkably."
"Does the fact that you will now be delayed six weeks in meeting your fiancé have anything to do with it?"
She tried to look guileless. "Not at all, Uncle. I am – anxious to meet him." Best to keep the facade up.
"Meet who?" Zuko's voice was startlingly close, and she jumped.
"Da Baichi." Iroh informed him, watching Zuko's reaction carefully.
"Hmm." Was all that Zuko said before he turned to Lan. "You look well, Cousin." He sketched a bow.
"Thank you, Zuko." She smiled at him.
"Yes, she does." Iroh mused.
"And thank you, Uncle." She sat down across from him. "Are you winning?"
He gave a low laugh. "Only because I'm cheating."
"I'll play with you, if you'd like."
"I would like that." He began to gather the tiles to reshuffle them. "Zuko. Would you like to join in? We can make a threesome."
Zuko's brow shot up. "No, thank you, Uncle. I have to do some training. Have you seen Jee?"
"Plotting out the course."
"Still?" His face became thunderous. "He's goldbricking again."
"Zuko. If there is anyone on this ship who is not lazy, it's Jee."
"I don't know why you defend him so, Uncle." Zuko said petulantly, and Lan had to hide a smile. Zuko was very convincing at being irate.
"He always seems to be busy with duties when I require him. His main duty on this ship is to partner me."
Iroh concentrated on shuffling the tiles. "I thought that his main duty was to command the men – under you, of course."
"If that were his only job, I could easily get a non-bender to do it – and at a lower rate!" He dropped his arms and turned around to glare at the tower. "But he is supposed to spar with me when I wish it!" He shouted, as if Jee could hear him.
Lan's eyes widened. He was very good at this, and she suspected that this was an argument that Zuko made frequently.
Zuko turned back to Iroh. "Get up, Uncle."
Iroh's brows rose. "Why?"
"Because you are going to partner me."
Iroh began sputtering apoplectically. "You want me to spar with you?"
"Why not?"
Iroh searched for an answer. "Because – because I am playing a game with Lan!" He pointed at her triumphantly.
Her own brows rose, and she shook her head. "Don't let me keep you from partnering Zuko, Uncle."
Iroh's eyes widened. He would get no help from that quarter.
Zuko waited expectantly.
"Uh, I did not want to tell you, Nephew, but I – seem to have hurt my ankle."
Zuko frowned. "When? You were walking perfectly well earlier."
"Ah, well...actually, I, um, twisted it when I sat." He extended his leg out and winced, making sounds of pain.
Zuko rolled his eyes. "Really?"
"Oh! Ow!" Iroh bent his ankle experimentally, and gave ersatz cries of pain.
Zuko sighed. "If you don't want to partner me, Uncle,say so."
Iroh looked relieved. "I don't want to partner you."
Zuko looked peeved. "Well, what am I supposed to do, then? Spar with my shadow?"
Iroh shot a look at Lan. "Why don't you try training with Lan Chi again?"
"I need to train with a bender, Uncle."
Very convincingly, Lan demurred. "No, thank you, Uncle. I still remember the last time that I sparred with Zuko."
"I would not do that again, Cousin, I pledge." Zuko said sincerely. "But I really need to practice with someone who can give me a challenge – not a girl with a few fancy moves."
Lan's eyes widened, and she was suddenly angry. "I nearly beat you the last time, Zuko."
"You came nowhere near beating me!"
Lan raised her chin. "I won't go through this again."
"Good. I didn't ask you to. I need to spar with a bender."
"Hand-to-hand combat is important, too, Prince Zuko."
Zuko looked between the two of them. Perhaps it was best to give in. "Fine. But do not expect an easy time of it." He warned Lan.
She looked at him. "Fine." She echoed his words. "You should not expect that I'll hold back. There will be no mercy from me."
Zuko gave a sly smile. "I would not want any."
"Well, good." She stood and made a point of straightening her sparring clothes.
Zuko bowed, and indicated that she should precede him to the middle of the deck.
"No holds, Zuko!" Iroh called, but Zuko ignored him and turned his back to his uncle.
"Why else would I spar with you if not to get you in a hold?" Zuko whispered to Lan.
"After all of those things that you said, you expect me to allow you to touch me?" Her face was red.
His eyes widened. "I – I didn't mean it, Lan. I – we – were just trying to convince Uncle..." He trailed off, sputtering.
"If you apologize, I might forgive you."
"I'm sorry." He said, chagrined. "I didn't mean any of it."
A mischievous smile crossed Lan Chi's face. "Then I might let you get me in a hold. Or I might not."
Zuko's brow rose. "Is that a challenge?"
"If you think that is, then it is."
"Fine." Zuko went into a ready position, and Lan followed suit. "See if you can best me, Cousin."
"With my eyes closed."
They circled each other for a moment, and then they truly began sparring, with thrusts and jabs and blocks and sweeps, until Zuko had Lan in a choke hold, his forearm against her neck, and her back pressed to him.
"Have I ever told you," he whispered in her ear, "how beautiful you are when you fight?"
"No." She muttered, trying to strategize the best way to escape.
"Zuko! No holds!" Uncle called.
Lan took that moment to throw Zuko over her shoulder, and knelt on him, a knee on his chest. "You could tell me now."
He grabbed her knee and twisted. "You're beautiful when you fight."
She toppled over him and he sprang to his feet, although not before she caught his ankle and dragged him back down.
He grabbed her wrist and broke her grasp. "You won't be able to beat me, Lan. Don't bother trying."
"I have a few tricks up my sleeve." They both jumped to their feet and circled one another again.
She leapt towards him, finally, and brought her leg up to kick him in the chest. It connected, and he staggered back.
He looked at her, and a slow smile came over his face. "You really are good. I didn't notice that last time."
"Thank you." She tried again, but he was prepared, and grabbed her leg, dropping her to the ground.
She squirmed from his grip, and got to her feet.
They circled each other again.
"Although I am enjoying this," Zuko said, his voice low so that it would not carry. "I would really rather kiss you than hit you."
"Are you trying to distract me?" Her eyes narrowed.
"No. Really. I'm not. Will you meet me on deck tonight after dark?"
She smiled. "You are trying to distract me."
"Will you?"
"Of course." She gave a dimpled smile before giving him a heel palm thrust that caused him to fall back.
They continued on for several minutes, striking and feinting and dodging, until they were both winded.
Neither got the upper hand; although Zuko was clearly the superior tactician and had greater strength, Lan was quick and lithe, and able to extricate herself from nearly all situations. And, unlike the last time, she had not allowed emotion or adrenalin to control her, and her movements were more sure.
Finally, Zuko held his hands up to call a cessation. "I beg mercy, Cousin." He smiled, breathing heavily.
She straightened. "Would the Avatar give you mercy?"
"You're not the Avatar."
"Exactly. You cannot even finish a fight with me. How do you expect to best a man who has mastered all four elements?"
"Lan, he's over a hundred years old. I'll manage. Besides, I'll have Uncle and Jee and the other men to help me. Provided Uncle's ankle has healed, of course."
"Shifty old man." She said without rancor.
He nodded and held out a hand towards a bucket of water. "I'm thirsty. Let's stop this."
She dropped the defensive stance that she had taken. "Fine. But don't blame me if the Avatar wipes the floor with you."
He smiled, and they walked over to Iroh, who was watching them only half-heartedly. "Ah. Done so soon?"
Lan and Zuko exchanged looks. "Yes, Uncle. We're done."
Zuko offered her the ladle first, and she took it with a smile, allowing her hand to brush against his. He watched her as she drank, and had to resist the urge to wipe away the trickle of water that ran down her neck.
When she handed him back the ladle, his hand closed around hers briefly before taking it.
She shot a look at Iroh, but he was peering at the tiles, and had not seen. She breathed a sigh of relief.
"Would you like to play now, Dear?" Iroh smiled up at her.
With a brief glance at Zuko, she nodded. "Of course, Uncle."
I shouldn't be doing this. Lan closed the door of her cabin behind her, and looked anxiously down the hall.
I know that I shouldn't. She walked casually to the ladder that led to the main deck, and began to descend.
This is a bad idea. She put her feet on the floor, and turned to the door.
Uncle was right. She pushed the door open and peered out cautiously.
And I'll probably have to leave Zuko in a month or so, anyway. She stepped out onto the deck, and immediately had to put a bracing hand against the wall.
I'll break his heart. And mine. The wind was strong, and she hugged her robe around her more tightly. She was wearing an emerald green robe that she knew complemented her coloring, although she failed to remember that it was dark on deck at night.
She could feel the wind whip beneath her robe, and, were it not for the fact that it was cinched tight around the waist and made with a narrow skirt, it would have blown upwards, exposing her to whomever happened to be near. Perhaps she should have changed into something more – practical, like sparring clothing.
Luckily, there seemed to be no one around, and she fought against the wind to the railing. She looked out into the black, black night, and saw only the twinkling of stars and the crescent moon. She looked down into the black, black depths of the sea, and saw only the white foam churned up by the ship.
Tendrils of hair started to escape from her braid, and she put her hands up to try to tuck them back in, but to no avail. More of it pulled free, and, suddenly, her ribbon was gone, caught on the wind, and she was left trying to catch her hair in her hands as it flew free, jumping into the air only to fall or switch directions as the wind did.
She tried to grab it all in one hand, but it blew into her face, blinding her, and she had to use two hands, although subduing it was nearly impossible.
"Having trouble?" Asked a loud voice behind her, and she jumped.
"Zuko!" A lock of hair escaped again and got caught in her mouth.
"Did I scare you?" He stepped closer so that she could hear him easily.
She shook her head. "Startled me."
He gave a small smile. "Sorry. I said your name three times, but you didn't hear."
"The wind is loud."
He nodded. "Come with me." Without waiting for an answer, he grasped her arm and walked her over to a sheltered doorway.
"Better?" He asked, as her hair settled down.
She nodded and smiled. "Yes. Dumb hair."
He gave another smile and shook his head, and, with two fingers on each hand, began pulling it away from where it clung to her face. "It's not dumb. I've already told you it's beautiful."
Her pulse began to thump, and she looked up at him mutely.
"You're late." She finally whispered, almost unable to breathe.
There was that little smile again. "I don't recall setting a time."
"You said 'after dark.' It's been dark for a half hour already."
He smiled. "Eager to see me?"
"What? Don't be ridiculous!" She protested.
"Liar." Satisfied that he had liberated as much of her hair from her face as he could, he settled his hands on her shoulders.
"Well, aren't you eager to see me?" She asked testily.
"What do you think? I've waited over two years for you, Lan."
"Zuko..." She began, plaintively.
"What? Shouldn't I say that? It's true."
"Maybe we shouldn't say anything at all." She was regretting this rendezvous. Should Iroh catch them, he would be livid!
"I'll second that." He leaned in to her, but she stepped back.
"I meant that perhaps we should go to bed."
Even in the half-light, she could see the shock on his face.
"No! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! I didn't mean that!" Her hands flew up to a face so red that it felt hot to the touch.
"Oh." He seemed disappointed, and she thought that she should change the subject.
"Ah, so, um, when will we get to port?"
He shrugged. "Tomorrow, probably, unless the wind keeps up."
"Oh." She couldn't take her eyes off him, with the weak light of the stars and moon leaving most of his face in shadow.
"Are you tired?" He asked, removing a hair from her face.
It was her turn to shrug. "Not really. You know I'm a creature of the night."
"That sounds ominous."
She gave a small smile. "I didn't mean it to. Water Tribe seem to draw their power from the moon, like the Fire Nation draws it from the sun."
"Hmm. That makes sense." He lifted her hair off her shoulders and allowed it to fall down her back. "You never cut your hair, do you?"
"Not as long as I can remember. I trim it, sometimes, to keep it healthy, but that's all."
"That was the first thing I noticed about you. Your hair."
"When?"
"The day we met. Do you remember?"
She nodded silently, mesmerized by him.
"Azula couldn't stop talking about your hair, the whole ride home. She said it was like fire."
"And then she tried to set it on fire." She grinned.
He gave a small laugh. "She's horrible."
"I'm glad you're not like her."
"She's like my father. More than I am."
She didn't want to comment – Ozai, of course, was always a sore spot, and she didn't really want to spend the rest of the night talking about him.
He twisted a portion of her hair around one finger. "Sometimes, I don't want to be – him."
She was puzzled. "Who? Your father?"
"No. Me. I don't want to be Prince Zuko. I just want to be – Zuko."
She didn't know what to say, so she remained silent, staring at him.
He smiled again, suddenly. "Let's go back into the wind."
"My hair will go all over."
"So? Who's to see?"
She tried to think of another reason. "It's cold."
"I'll keep you warm.'
He grabbed both her hands and, giving up, and laughing, she allowed herself to be pulled back out onto the deck.
Her hair flew around her again, and she tried, in vain, to bring it all under control, until she felt Zuko's hands on her hair, catching it and pulling it behind her head.
"Ill just stand here and hold it for you." He smiled down at her from his superior height, his arms draped over her shoulders.
"Thank you."
His smile dissolved as he looked down into her shining eyes, and he released her hair to grip her shoulders. He dipped his head as her hair started flying around them again, so that, when he kissed her, a lock of her hair was caught between their mouths.
She pulled it out impatiently and put her arms around his neck, bringing him closer, and they were surrounded by a red cloud of her hair.
He moved to kiss her face, his hands cradling her head, and she began laughing joyously, her eyes closed.
He pulled away and looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Are you – laughing at me?"
"No." She shook her head, her eyes still closed. "I'm so – happy, and I'm scared that I'm dreaming this."
A sudden grin came to his face. "It's really not a dream." He kissed her again, his tongue going into her mouth. She wanted to burst with happiness, and her doubts of earlier fled.
The doubts always fled when she was in his arms. This – this was what she had wanted for so long. For as long as she could remember.
And Uncle Iroh's words meant nothing.
He slanted his mouth differently and was rewarded by her body pressing closer to his. His hands spread out on her back and dropped lower until they were above the curve of her buttocks.
He lips left her mouth and dragged across her cheek. "I was never so happy to see a blockade in my entire life." He admitted breathlessly.
"Yes. Spirits, yes. I almost wanted to thank the Earth Kingdom." She confessed.
"Let's not go that far."
She stood in the circle of his arms, looped around her torso, her back against him, and they stood at the railing, looking out over the glint of the moon on the ocean, the light dipping and rising with each wave, and they were completely, unreservedly, blissful.
"Should we tell Uncle?" Zuko asked, resting his chin on the top of her head.
She shook her head vigorously, and he bit the edge of his tongue.
"No. We should not tell Uncle."
"Ow. Why not? I know that you say..."
She turned to him. "Zuko. We should not tell Uncle. Trust me."
He looked at her, his eyes narrowed, unconvinced. "You think that he would object."
"Well, considering that I am supposed to be marrying someone else, yes, I think that he might."
Zuko gave a deep sigh. "Fine. We won't tell him."
"Thank you." She turned around again, and he tightened his arms so that she was pressed back against him.
"We'll need to be careful around him, then."
"Yes, we will. He always seems to know everything."
"Hmm. So no kissing in front of him."
"We never did that when we were engaged. We definitely shouldn't do it now."
He kissed her shoulder. "He'll have to find out some time, you know."
Her pulse quickened. Iroh would never find out because she would be gone in six weeks, before he could find out. "He can find out when you've figured a way for me to avoid marrying that man."
"You could just marry me, instead. It's hard to marry someone else when you're already married."
"Zuko." Her voice was strident, which she instantly regretted. "That is not a solution. Defying your father will not make him accept me. It will make him hate me and throw me in prison."
"No, it won't. Lan – I know that, once we're married, he'll feel differently."
She sighed, turned again, and looked into his face. "Zuko. He won't. You know that. He won't change his mind."
"Yes, you've said that." He said testily. "But..."
She put her hands on his cheeks. "Let's not talk about it. Please."
He still looked miffed, and she stood on the tips of her toes to kiss him.
She smiled. "Let's just – enjoy tonight."
He reluctantly smiled back, and she sighed with relief.
She did not want to waste the time she had with Zuko to be wasted on talk of Ozai. She and Zuko were living on borrowed time, even if he didn't know it.
She wished that she didn't know. It would make everything so much easier.
It would make her so much happier.
Author's Notes: I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I am ALSO hoping that everything will go smoothly with writing from this point on. I think that my compass is now pointing me in the right direction, and it should be easy sailing! Anyway, lots of plot to come!
PLEASE review so that I can achieve my goal of being one of the most reviewed ATLA fan fics! Thank you, thank you, thank you!