Chapter 38: Loneliness Is Hell

"Well now, who might you be?"

"I…I don't know. Who are you?"

"I believe I asked first."

"I don't really know."

"Well I suppose if I don't know you, and you don't know you then you must not exist."

"But I'm here."

"Then I guess you do exist. But I cannot recall knowing of your existence."

"Nor can I yours."

"So then it is true that we have never met. I see. Well you can only be here if I have known you once before."

"Before what?"

"Before you existed. I only know of things to exist if I have given them existence. So it would seem that you are an anomaly. I would have to say I have never known of such a thing."

"Do you know everyone?"

"Everyone who has ever existed in the place you were before existing here."

"But you don't know me?"

"No."

"So why am I here?"

"Did you exist in the place before here?"

"Yes."

"Then that is why you are here. Hmm. Tell me, have you ever wished existence upon yourself?"

"I don't know."

"The question was rhetorical. Only those who have been aware of their existence end up here."

"I don't understand."

"It's quite simply really. I did not give you existence. Yet you existed anyways. And now that your existence in the place before here has ended, you have come here to exist as well."

"That is not simple at all."

"Truly, but for lack of a better explanation, that was the simplicity of this scenario."

"I don't get it. Are you asking me if I want to exist?"

"I suppose so. I bring things into existence here and then send them out to live a life based on their existence and when each life is complete I bring them back here to exist eternally."

"But, why?"

"Loneliness."

"Everyone comes back here?"

"Only those who have tried to appreciate my gift of existence. All others are given punishment equal to the crimes they made against those who were my creations. But when they have learned to appreciate my gifts they are admitted here."

"Who are you to choose who deserves it or not?"

"I was the one who choose to give them existence. They choose whether or not to appreciate it. All existence has my gift of freewill. Some of the things I make can use it, and others choose to abuse it. But all are welcome to have it."

"You sound like a tyrant."

"Well I suppose I am. But all I ask from those who use my gifts of life and freewill is not to take them from others. And in the end if they see the error in their ways, truly, and are sorry for their abuse of my gifts, then they can come here to exist as well."

"TYRANT!"

"Then how would you do it?"

"I would give all of those I bring into existence eternal life."

"Then why bring them into existence at all?"

"What? What kind of dumb question is that?"

"Did you have things from your existence that you cared for?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I loved them!"

"No I mean why did you care for them? If they can't die why would you need to care for them?"

"What the fuck?"

"Why did you need them? If no one has reason to fear because life is eternal, then why would they have to care for one another?"

"That's sick! You force fear upon them with the threat of suffering so they have to love one another?!"

"Yes."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Nothing."

"Then why would you do that?"

"How else will they learn? I don't want to bring things into existence so I can be lonelier than before."

"So you bring them into existence, to learn how to care for others by causing them suffering. Who are you to do that to someone?"

"Let me tell you what happens to those who exist eternally. They never get to experience having others care about them. Why would I bring others into an existence where they are made aware that no one else needs to care for them?"

"So we exist so we can…learn to care for one another?"

"Exactly."

"So we can one day care for you?"

"Yes, by being thankful for the chance to exist without having no one care for you. Your existence is far greater than my own because you grow to understand the need to not exist alone. When that happens you are worth having eternal existence, and not before then."

"And those who die young?"

"Innocents who await another chance. I am not a monster. If I give something a chance I make sure it can find a use for it. But tell me, how many young do you expect can understand the need to care for others and be cared for before they are old enough to know of why?"

"Many, I guess."

"Don't misunderstand me, I would not wish anyone to miss their opportunity at a real chance, but to know only that truth at such a young age can seem like such a blessing, can't it?"

"Yeah."

"So, you understand so much, but I never gave you a chance to find out on your own. Would you care to?"

"What do you mean?"

"To be honest I don't quite understand myself. But you exist without influence from my gifts, and can still understand them. You are welcome to stay here, forever. Or I can give you the chance to find out on your own, with my blessing."

"You mean go back?"

"Yes, but you need to understand something. If you go from my hands then you will forget all you have learned from me. You will have to find it out for yourself just like before. You could end up being punished for your misdeeds before returning here, or you could live well beyond the time in which you understand this truth once again. Nothing is set in stone."

"Even if I never make it up here again, I would gladly go back. Yes, send me if you can."

"May I ask why?"

"Loneliness."

Present. Zaun. Zaun Military Hospital. ICU room 18.

"Ma'am…ma'am? Nurse what is her name?"

"She's the Sheriff of Piltover."

"Yes, yes, but her name is…?"

"Caitlyn, I believe."

"Ms. Caitlyn? Can you hear me?"

Beside a hospital bed, holding a hand that seems to have worked a farm all its life, Caitlyn looked up with dried tears on her face. "Yes doctor, I heard you."

The doctor, a balding fellow of many years, pressed on. "So I take it you understand what I was talking about."

Caitlyn nodded and swallowed. "I did. You said she is in a comatose state and will likely not come out of it."

"Shall I continue?"

"I would prefer you not to."

"Then later?"

"It would be better if not at all. But if you must please do so now."

Beside manner was a term this doctor had grown too complacent to oblige to. "As I was saying, she is in a comatose state and may never come out; no…she won't come out of because she is brain-dead. These machines around her are keeping her alive and can do so indefinitely but she will never be anything more than a vegetable. Do you understand?"

Caitlyn looked down at the person whose hand she was holding in hers. Tubes of all sizes were inserted into all of the orifices used for respiration and a few others were given new holes to connect to the blood system. The heart was beating, but not of its own power. "So what your saying is…she is dead and I just haven't accepted that yet."

The doctor sighed. "Yes."

"If I understand this then why are we still talking?" Caitlyn looked back into the doctor's eyes. "Do you need this bed free today?"

The doctor's age was well acquainted with picking up on messages. "Please take your time." Then he ushered the nurse to follow him out.

Before the nurse left she walked over to Caitlyn and said, "Someone wishes to come in. Would that be alright?"

Caitlyn knew who it was. "Yes."

At that the nurse left.

Caitlyn kept her focus on her fiancée and her mind clear. Even so, she was still able to sense the newcomer walk up behind her.

"I'm sorry." Said a soft voice behind her.

"For what? You did as she wanted. And you still plan to, right?" Caitlyn turned around to look into XJ's eyes.

XJ nodded. Her face was solid. "Yes."

Caitlyn turned back towards VI. "Then there is nothing to feel bad about."

XJ just stood there, in silence. She had nothing to say.

"She's in there with you, right?" Caitlyn asked with false hope.

XJ said nothing.

"Come on. If she's in there let me talk to her." Caitlyn's tone became desperate.

XJ shook her head, for her own sake. "That's not how it works."

Caitlyn spun around with wide eyes. "Then tell me how it works."

XJ just gave her the answer, because there really wasn't much else to say. "The stone and VI's energies are a part of me. And me alone."

Caitlyn never wanted an answer; or anyone to talk to. She just wanted the one thing everyone said was no longer possible, and XJ could see this very clearly now as tears fell down Caitlyn's face. "Then just split yourself up again. Like you did to create them. Give her, her life back!"

XJ shook her head. "That's not how it works. It can't work here. The rules that govern-."

"IF YOU"RE SAYING NO THEN JUST SAY NO!" Caitlyn screeched.

"Don't blame her. It's not her fault this happened."

As she heard this, Caitlyn became convinced she was going insane. But looking into XJ's eyes she realized that she wasn't. She turned back towards VI to see the tubes, which had been down her throat, pulled out by her own hand. Caitlyn hadn't even noticed her grip was being returned until VI spoke.

"This was nobody's fault but mine."

Two hours later. In route to Piltover. Zaun Military vehicle.

"The back of someone else's car isn't the best place to be doing this." VI said with a smile.

Since VI's revival, Caitlyn has probed and prodded every part of VI over and over again. And she had not stopped for second. Getting into the vehicle was a troubling matter in and of itself. "I just need to know you're real. That I am not dreaming. OWW!"

"There, now you no I'm real." VI said with a smirk.

"You pinched me!" Caitlyn said but with a cheery attitude.

Instead of encouraging Caitlyn to continue, VI looked forward to XJ in the front seat. "Would you care to switch seats with her so I can catch a break?"

Without turning around XJ replied, "No I'm fine. Thank you."

"Then come back here and make a wall for me." She exclaimed.

"There isn't proper room for three." XJ kept her focus forward.

VI could feel it, and Caitlyn had been picking up on it too. XJ did not react to VI coming back, nor did she make any gesture of goodwill; besides a handshake. Something was very off about XJ, and it was starting to worry VI very much.

"We're coming up on Piltover, ladies." The driver announced. He had been one of Travers' escorts back at the lab.

XJ replied for them. "Thank you."

"No problem ma'am."

XJ looked over at the man. "Can I ask you something?"

"Whatever you like."

"Did you ever work for Travers in relation to me?"

"Yes."

"And you were trained not to shoot me in any of my vital areas?"

"Yes, but how did you know that."

"We talked about it." XJ knew she was lying. "Did you know him well?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about him."

The driver was a little taken aback by all of this. "Well, he was a good man. He devoted himself to Zaun entirely."

"What do you mean?"

The driver sighed. "Well he always had this idea about what Zaun could be, without so much corruption in the military. He wanted to get to the top so he could change it all. But I guess it doesn't matter now."

"And for those still in power?"

"A lot of them want to stay corrupted, but a few followed his ideals with great hope. I can only hope now that they can become the new leaders of our city-state."

"I hope so as well." XJ commented.

The driver leaned over a little and talked softly. "Honestly ma'am, if he had been given the power he had in the end, back when the project you were in was being considered; it would have never happened."

This gave XJ peace of mind.

Long before the driver could see it clearly, XJ saw what was about to happen very soon. She turned around to face Caitlyn. VI and she were still playing games. Games meant for more private occasions. XJ waited for Caitlyn to notice her, when she did it became very obvious what was about to happen.

VI realized the tension building and looked at XJ. "What's wrong?"

XJ looked deep into VI's eyes. "Listen to me very carefully. What is about to happen is because of me. Do not blame anyone or try to stop it."

VI went from joyful to almost angry in a heartbeat. "What? Why?" She looked at Caitlyn. "What's happening? What is she talking about?!"

Caitlyn was trying to find the right words to calm VI.

The driver suddenly cut in, "Um, ladies…there seems to be a roadblock. They want me to pull over."

VI looked forward and saw four tanks, three dozen armored soldiers, and two patrol cars; all from Piltover. "What's going on?! Someone answer me!" She grabbed a hold of both XJ's shoulder and Caitlyn's arm. "Please?!"

XJ was deadest on getting VI to remain calm. "VI, you need to calm down. This has to happen. And you need to stay out of it."

VI was starting to feel betrayed. "Caitlyn! What is she talking about?!"

"I am being arrested for war crimes." XJ said, flat-out.

"NO!" VI was already prepared to bust out of the car and charge the contingency head on.

XJ and Caitlyn knew this. XJ got halfway over the seat as Caitlyn moved in with her. With all their strength they pinned VI to the backrest of her seat. "VI! You need to calm down!" Caitlyn ordered.

VI wasn't having any of it. And as the car came to a stop, fury engulfed her as she locked her eyes on Piltover General of the Military General Robert Stone Farthen standing next to a high ranking police officer. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

VI got her door open as she forced herself from out under XJ and Caitlyn. She charged at Farthen and winded up to give him a right hook. As her fist came in to strike he reached out and caught it in his hand. "They said you've lost your power, but you are still quite strong on your own. Unfortunately for you that strength will no longer suffer such poor tactics in hand-to-hand combat. Try learning how we mortals fight from now on." With that he brought his free hand into her gut, causing her to hunch forward in pain.

This was new. VI had never been so hurt from a strike in her life. 'So this is what it feels like when I have to take it by myself. FUCK!'

Caitlyn came to her side with a hand up. "Leave her be! Let me handle her!"

Farthen bent down to match his eyes with hers. "Please see that you do." Then he stood straight up to look at XJ. "Can I expect the same from you?"

VI got her head up to look at XJ, but XJ didn't return a look of her own. She held out her arms and said, "No."

Farthen signaled an officer and he slapped irons on XJ. Then escorted her to one of the patrol cars. At that Farthen gave the order. "Let's move out!" And everyone started to file out into a convoy headed towards Piltover Central. He looked down at Caitlyn to say, "This other patrol car is for you two." He pointed at it. "See that you join us when she is calm and civil." He pointed at VI.

Then VI sprang to her feet. "Tell me something." Farthen gave her his full attention. "Do you just hate me?"

Farthen walked over to her, as Caitlyn became a little worried. He reached out to hold VI with both hands by her cheeks. "When my son was tasked with being your partner; he was supposed to give me full reports daily. But he gave me the filtered reports because of his devotion to Caitlyn." Hearing this almost brought Caitlyn to tears. "His private reports I found after his death. It was like a journal for his eyes only. I found stuff about me and others that I never knew about him. Among which I found his daily reports about you. Always about your beauty. Always about your character. One entry talked about what you did to our family. And another about why he forgave you." VI closed her eyes. She couldn't stand to hear this. Not about what she did. "Open your eyes, I'm talking to you." She did and he continued, "He loved you. He wanted a family with you. He wrote many ideas about how to confess everything to me and make me offer my blessings. So for his sake, I don't hate you." VI didn't know whether she should feel comfort in all of this or feel pain for it. "But I absolutely hate the one who killed him. That will never change."