Chapter 36: Better Man Than I
When Scorpius got back to the Slytherin dorm after he left Albus, the room was dark and quiet. He flopped down on his bed, physically exhausted from the nurse's very thorough final exam and emotionally exhausted from all that happened in the last few days.
He closed his eyes, waiting for blissful sleep to take him away. It was silent for all of five seconds before there was a dip in his bed and Cale said, "Where have you been?"
"Murdering first years," Scorpius muttered tiredly into his pillow. He hoped Cale would get the message and leave him alone but of course he didn't or if he did he was ignoring it.
"You left the common room after the woman said the stuff about the trial. And that was hours ago."
"Hmm," Scorpius said keeping his eyes closed.
"Where have you been," Cale growled. "Tell me."
"Fine," Scorpius said knowing he would not be getting out of this easily. "Fine. I was waiting for Albus alright? Happy?"
"And did you find him?"
"I did. We talked. I asked him how he was and then-"
"And then?"
"And then we made out."
There was a moment of silence before-
"I FUCKING KNEW IT! OH, SCORPIUS YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD! I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!"
There were shouts from around the room as their four other dorm mates were startled awake.
"Stop goddamn yelling!" Cameron shouted from the other side of the room.
"What the fuck is going on?!" Max said from the bed beside Scorpius. Quinn, in his haste to get out of bed, got tangled in his sheets and Sid had to help him out.
"What's happened?" Max asked again, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. Scorpius started to tell him to just forget it and go back to sleep but Cale beat him to it.
"Scorpius finally properly snogged Albus Potter."
There was a moment of silence before Quinn swore.
"Fuck," he said, turning to Sid. "How much do I owe you."
"Five galleons, please," Sid said, a smug grin on his face. Quinn forked over the money. Scorpius gaped at them.
"Wait, what? You were betting on- on Albus and I?"
Quinn shrugged. "It was only a matter of time. I thought it would happen at graduation though."
Scorpius sputtered something unintelligible. Cale patted him gently on the shoulder.
"Wait, hold up," Max said. "I thought Scor was dating that Hufflepuff. Brandon?"
"No, it was Brennan," Cameron said like he was teaching a lesson. "Scorpius has been in love with Albus for months now but didn't know where Albus stood on the whole gay thing even after they kissed in front of the school so he started seeing some guy named Al whom I've still never met by the way and when that ended Scor and Albus had some sort of fight and Scor forced himself to date Brennan to get over Albus and make him jealous which apparently worked! Nice one, mate."
Scorpius's mouth fell open. Cale coughed uncomfortably.
"Yeah, I hope you don't mind, Scor. Whenever you pissed me off I bitched about everything to Cameron."
Scorpius rounded on him, fist raised.
"Hey, calm down," Quinn said calmly like he didn't care if Scorpius really did hit Cale. "Just think about your snog fest with Albus."
Scorpius groaned and fell back on his bed while everyone else laughed. Cale tried to squeeze his foot reassuringly but stopped when Scorpius kicked him in the face.
"All of you suck," Scorpius mumbled, throwing his arm over his eyes dramatically.
"Hopefully Albus does too," Sid whispered from across the room.
More laughter. Scorpius lamented the fact that the Slytherin dormitory was underground and therefore there were no nearby windows he could throw himself out of.
~O-O~
Several floors above the Slytherins Albus made the trek back to Gryffindor tower slowly, mind too full with Scorpius and the trial and also, specifically, Scorpius's mouth. He mumbled the password to the Fat Lady and clambered through the portrait hole but froze when he saw that his entire family was waiting up for him in the common room. To somebody else it could have been a surprise party, waiting to celebrate something maybe. But no one was smiling and no one shouted surprise.
Rose came forward first.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
Albus looked around the room instead of answering. There was a warm fire going but it provided little comfort. The wireless in the corner was still on and Albus knew that everyone would already know what had happened.
"I'm..." Fine didn't seem like the right word because it what world could everything be considered okay right now. So he went another way. "I'm alive."
There was a muffled sob from the crowd and Lily burst forward, throwing herself into her brother's arms. He held her as she cried onto his shoulder. She smelled like home, like his childhood when everything used to be easy. She also wasn't dolled up like she usually is. She was wearing a giant Radiohead hoodie that he realized was his.
"Oh Lils, I love you," Albus breathed, holding her close.
"Love you, Albus," she cried. "Please. Never scare me like that again."
"I promise. I swear."
Lily pulled back but Albus kept his arm around her. He felt a whole lot calmer with her than he had before.
"We heard the sentencing," Louis said, nodding at the wireless. "How was it."
"Terrible," Albus said. "Hundreds of people were there, staring down at me. They wouldn't even let my dad stay beside me. The way they asked their questions made me feel like I was the one on trial."
Rose made an impatient, frustrated sound. Everyone turned to her.
"I still can't believe Harry made you do that," she said. "After what you'd just been through. You'd only been cleared this morning!"
"It's okay," Albus assured her. "I wanted to do it. I wanted it to be over."
And then everything that happened finally caught up to him. He let go of Lily.
"It's over," he said. "It's finally over."
Sitting down hard on the couch, Albus felt like crying but not because of the shit he'd just gone through. He wanted to cry out of relief.
After two years of torture, I've finally reached the end...
I've finally reached the end alive.
Maybe just to break the tension or because he doesn't like people displaying emotions, Finn cleared his throat and said, "So why are you so late? Harry sent us a patronus when you left the ministry."
"Oh," said Albus. "I made out with Scorpius."
Every jaw in the room dropped. Albus realized what he'd said.
"Shit! No! I meant met up! I met up with Scorpius!"
Not a single person looked like they believed him.
Albus scratched his head awkwardly. "Well, I mean, I did make out with him too but that's beside the point."
More silence. And then, as if he'd put a sonorous charm on himself, Finn let out a giant scream of, "YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
In one giant surge every single person jumped Albus. It was a tangle of limbs as everyone piled onto the too small couch at the same time, hugging Albus not just for this but for everything.
It took Albus a whole minute to extract his head enough to gasp out, "Bloody hell that's enough already! It's not like we fucking got married!"
"Not yet!" someone shouted, probably Finn.
It was a stupid situation but one that Albus was incredibly grateful for.
~O-O~
Scorpius hated his friends. Hated them.
Once they'd finally shut up and had all gone to bed they started teasing him all over again the moment they woke up. Their steady commentary carried right from their dorm room all the way to the Entrance Hall.
"Can you guys shut up for one second please?" Scorpius finally snapped.
"Ooh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," said Sid. Max cackled.
"Yeah, cause the other side of the bed was empty-"
Scorpius hit him in the face. Max went to him back but faltered, eyes fixed on something ahead of them. Scorpius whirled around. Albus was standing in the middle of the Entrance Hall staring at the group of Slytherins. His hair was messy and his tie wasn't knotted right. His expression showed tiredness but also a sense of serenity. He looked-
"Utterly adorable," Scorpius accidentally said out loud. His friends howled with laughter and Albus looked bashfully at the ground, a massive grin on his face. He walked over slowly, ignoring the other boys with eyes only for Scorpius. Cameron held up his hands.
"Oh, that looks like our cue to leave. The two heroes of Hogwarts who take on Death Eaters like it's no big deal still make freaking heart eyes..."
He led the others away, all of them throwing very unsubtle looks over their shoulders. Scorpius looked at the ground, embarrassed. Albus looked completely at ease.
"Good lord, the audacity of some people!" he said dramatically. Scorpius smiled sheepishly. "Common, have breakfast with me today," Albus went on. "I think your mates need time to compose themselves."
They walked to the Gryffindor table together like they've always done except today everything was different, and it wasn't just from the looks everyone was giving them because of Hogsmeade. They sat with Albus's family, shoulders brushing. All of Albus's family had now stopped eating and were looking at them. It was the Slytherins all over again but this time Scorpius just laughed and Albus swooped in to save the day by saying, "Alright, that's enough. One more weird look and I'm going to have to stab all of you in the face."
"Why would you stab us?" Louis asked. "You know you have a wand right?"
"Hmm, good point," Albus mused like he was thinking of why he wouldn't use a wand.
"Not enough blood?" Scorpius supplied.
Now everyone was looking at him in horror.
"What?" he asked innocently. Next to him Albus snickered into his tea.
After that breakfast passed normally. Finn and Rose argued over stupid things. Louis near violently debated the age old Star Trek versus Star Wars debate. The only difference was Albus and Scorpius's hands under the table, not quite tight enough to be considered hand holding but enough. A fancy black owl delivered an equally fancy letter to Scorpius but he shoved it into his robes without reading it. It was probably from his father and he didn't want anything to ruin his mood.
When the first bell rang Albus jumped a little in surprise and turned quickly to Scorpius.
"Do you think we could talk a little? Before class?"
"Yeah, of course."
They got up to leave, saying goodbye to the Gryffindors. Scorpius cast a quick glance over at the Slytherin table. All of his friends were already looking at him. Max was making a very obscene hand gesture that would certainly land him detention is someone saw. Scorpius scowled at him and hoped Albus didn't see.
Out in the hall, Albus turned with a speech all ready on his tongue. He was interrupted when Professor Healy appeared out of nowhere and asked Albus for a quick word. Albus cursed, low enough that only Scorpius heard him.
"Alright," Albus growled, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "I'll find you later, yeah?"
"Okay."
Scorpius watched them walk off. Albus's shoulders were hunched over and Scorpius really hoped that whatever Healy had to say would not bring Albus down.
Scorpius left for class, following the tide of students up the main staircase. As he went he pulled the letter out from his pocket and ripped it open. If it wouldn't have caused a human traffic collision Scorpius would have stopped walking in shock. The bottom half of the page had the where and when details but all Scorpius cared about was the giant header:
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO CELEBRATE THE UNION OF
THEODORE REMUS LUPIN
VICTOIRE GABRIELLE WEASLEY
It shouldn't be a surprise- after all Scorpius and Teddy are related. It was just... strange. Scorpius lived his life as the Malfoy heir; no matter how nice you are you can't escape history.
Nonetheless Scorpius was visibly pleased throughout Defense. Cale tried to comment on it but Scorpius guessed he would base it on something to do with Albus and say something most likely inappropriate so he shut him up with a quick silencing charm. The rest of the lesson was absolutely wonderful.
His mood was quickly ruined when he left the classroom an hour later. Out in the hall Albus was waiting for him which normally would have been thrilling. Except Albus looked upset and withdrawn and something was very wrong.
"Albus, what-?"
Albus shook his head and dragged him down the hall. He didn't let go until they were in an empty classroom.
"Albus, what's going on?"
"Shut up," Albus muttered, eyes shut tight. "Just... shut up and kiss me."
So Scorpius did but didn't forget why.
Half an hour later the boys were on their balcony, Scorpius watching and waiting while Albus smoked a cigarette with shaking hands. When it finally looked like Albus wasn't going to say anything, Scorpius stepped in.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
He didn't mean for it to sound like he was angry. He just wished Albus would trust him better than he did.
"It was Professor Healy," Albus said bitterly. "He just... doesn't get it, doesn't get people let alone screwed up teenagers. He told me now that I've conquered my demons by getting rid of them I can now fully focus on my studies."
"He said that?"
Albus imitated Healy's deep, cutting voice. "You're a smart man, Potter. I expect great things from you now." Albus laughed coldly. "Fuck you. Just- fuck you."
He stared up at the bleak overcast sky.
"They're gone," he said, "and I still can't escape it."
He closed his eyes, waiting for Al.
Al never came.
~O-O~
The next day they don't speak at all. Albus doesn't go to meals and doesn't show up for potions- the only lesson they have together that day. Scorpius saw him once in the third floor corridor. They stared, eyes locked. It was like a long, clichéd scene in a movie.
The lovers stare at each other from different ends of a busy hallway. They want to go to each other but can't, something stops them. One turns away first. The spell is broken.
Scorpius had stared at Albus retreating figure. His name had been on his tongue, ready to be shouted. But Albus was long gone and Scorpius realized he was always just a little too late.
~O-O~
Hours later in the Slytherin common room Scorpius was staring at meaningless words on a page. Ancient Runes never made any sense but tonight he might was well have been trying to read the wind.
By now it was 1:30 in the morning. Everyone had long since gone to bed but Scorpius knew he wouldn't be able to sleep despite being quite tired and opted to stay up and stare blankly at his textbook to convince himself he was studying.
He flipped another page, absorbing even more nothing. There was a sudden noise at the door but Scorpius ignored it, guessing it was some idiot breaking curfew. At least he was headboy.
When there was no more sound or movement Scorpius looked up. Leaning against the far wall staring intently at his shoes like they were the most interesting things in the world was Albus. Scorpius raised an eyebrow.
"How did you get in?"
"I bribed Cale earlier for the password." He didn't look up as he spoke.
"What did you give him in return?"
"I promised him we wouldn't throw him and Finn a surprise party for their birthday."
Scorpius smirked and put down his book. "But we are of course?"
"Obviously."
Albus finally looked up and there was one wonderful moment where they beamed at each other before Albus became sad again.
"I'm sorry I didn't see you today," he said quietly. "There's just... a lot going on with me right now."
"I know, it's okay. I'll never ask you for anything, Albus."
After that there was a lot of hand wringing and hair pulling as Albus fidgeted trying to figure out the words to say.
"You're so good to me," he finally said, eyes driving right through Scorpius's soul. "I don't know if I deserve it."
"You do. More than anyone." Scorpius tried to convey everything he felt in that one phrase but he knew it wasn't nearly enough.
"Albus, you deserve everything," he said, even stronger this time. "I know you probably can't believe me but it's the truth."
Albus stared at him a moment longer before he moved silently across the room towards the couch where Scorpius lay. Albus sat carefully on his lap, one leg on either side. Scorpius rested one hand on Albus's thigh and the other just under his jaw. Albus dipped his head. They kissed, soft and slow.
"The things you do to me," Albus whispered when they broke apart.
He lay down beside Scorpius, limbs tangling together. Scorpius could smell Albus's strawberry shampoo, the same exact scent of his Amortentia. The couch was small and not quite comfortable enough for two people but Scorpius swore it was the best sleep he ever had.
~O-O~
Exam time falls on the castle before anyone is truly ready- even Rose seems more panicky than usual. Scorpius takes the whole thing in stride, very unlike the previous six years. He knows he'll do well enough for himself and though it took awhile he knows now more than ever that what his father wants doesn't matter.
During revision week everyone is too busy to do much more than say hello at meals. Scorpius barely sees Albus. When they're alone they speak quietly in the shadows or kiss in deserted halls. Scorpius doesn't know what exactly they are but he doesn't ask. Albus has never been good with stress but at the moment he seemed more disconnected than ever.
Three days before the start of exams everyone was in the library, a last supper so to speak for the ones graduating. As the clocked ticked on (the library stays open all night because of exams) people began to leave one by one. By 12:30 only Scorpius and Albus remained. Albus scratched out his practice exam with feverish abandon while Scorpius watched him, fighting off sleep. At 2 Scorpius asked if they should leave but Albus shook his head.
"Can't, I've got to keep going," he said. "I still don't get it."
Scorpius could see the hysteria rising in his eyes. He gently touched Albus's shoulder which was apparently the wrong thing to do because Albus jerked his whole body away like he'd been electrocuted.
"Don't," he said. "Please. I can't."
"Albus-"
That was all it took. Albus snapped, spinning around to face Scorpius directly, eyes red rimmed and shining.
"Don't you get it?" he spat. "I have to do well now. I can't- I can't be a disappointment anymore-"
Albus seemed to realize what he'd admitted because he turned away completely so Scorpius couldn't see his face anymore. Scorpius didn't reach out to touch him this time.
"Albus, it's not a switch," he said softly. "They're in Azkaban now and they can't hurt you anymore but it's going to be a long road. Them being gone doesn't cure you. Getting better has nothing to do with grades and it sure as hell doesn't start with you running yourself into the ground over some stupid tests."
Albus looked back. Scorpius reached out, pulling him into his arms.
"Let's call it a night, yeah?" he said gently. Albus nodded and they packed up their things in silence.
They left the library, Scorpius's arm wrapped around Albus's waist. He let go when they reached Gryffindor Tower.
"Don't you dare try to study in your room," Scorpius warned only half serious.
"Maybe you should come up with me to make sure I don't," Albus said, looking up at Scorpius from under his lashes.
Scorpius laughed high and clear.
"Get some sleep, Potter."
Albus flashed Scorpius's favorite crooked grin.
"You too, Malfoy. And I'm calling a raincheck on that one."
He waved and disappeared beyond the portrait hole. Five minutes later Scorpius stumbled in the 7th year Slytherin dorm nearly blind with exhaustion. Cale rolled over as Scorpius collapsed into bed.
"Everything okay?"
"I think so," Scorpius mumbled, eyes already closed. "Or it will be."